


The Force of Destiny

by 2BrightStars



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brief mention of cruelty to a child (Rey's past), Canon Rewrite, Canon Universe, Drunk Kylo Ren, Drunk Rey (Star Wars), Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Loss of Virginity, F/M, Fanart, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo and Rey are romantically clueless, Misuse of the Force (Star Wars), Premonitions and dreams, Rey is Nobody (Star Wars), Rey is Not a Palpatine (Star Wars), Reylo - Freeform, Reylo Fanart gradually arriving, Sexual Content, Slow Burn Kylo Ren/Rey, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Stormtrooper Rebellion (Star Wars), The Last Jedi canon compliant, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Kylo Ren, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), World Between Worlds, teenagery style fumblings, the rise of skywalker rewrite
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:14:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 42
Words: 233,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27494047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2BrightStars/pseuds/2BrightStars
Summary: Takes place one year after The Last Jedi. Some elements from TROS (planets, characters and some plot beats), manipulated a little or a lot to suit my version of the story. Expect appearances from past and present characters and conflict within our two opposing sides; the Resistance and the First Order, as the galaxy at large comes to terms with the complications and consequences caused by the dyadRey and Kylo are very conflicted over the events in Snoke’s Throne Room so prepare for a very slow-burn romance, angst and humour as they sort out their feelings over a lengthy resolution to their epic star-crossed drama.This is everything I would have loved to see in TROS to close the circle of the Skywalker Saga and resolve Light and Dark, albeit with a lot more introspection than would be permissible for a big-budget Hollywood blockbuster. But it’s Star Wars and my two favourite characters and I can’t help digging into their feelings as events unfold. Written in the third person, mostly from the morally confused and increasingly enamoured perspectives of Rey and Kylo.Fanart will be added gradually, updates will be mentioned in latest chapter notes.
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Kaydel Ko Connix/Poe Dameron, Kylo Ren/Rey, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 332
Kudos: 238





	1. Ajan Kloss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confused and conflicted heart-burnings, dreams, schemes, Rey ignores an unwelcome Force Connection, and Kylo Ren communes with a voice from the past.

Deep, deep in the Unknown Regions, past impenetrable veils of red gas and dense snarls of dry dust, lies a cold dead place where nothing grows.

In the vast depths of a dark cavern, a masked man kneels before a throne that rises up from the rocky floor in great jagged shards of black stone. Searing lightning bolts pierce the gloom, their intermittent flashes of blue light illuminating the figure that sits on it. Glinting off the metal apparatus that binds him there, rendering his pale skin waxen under his hood, his empty blue eyes almost a translucent silver.

The masked man’s knees shift uncomfortably on the hard, cold stone. “What you ask will not be easy to achieve.”

“Easier than you might think.” The voice that answers him is deep and languidly precise, at odds with the curiously blank face that utters these words. “He is distracted, weary. His mind is torn. The Light pulls at him, stronger than ever before. Use that to your advantage.”

“Even if I can do as you ask, how can this be an advantage for you?” The masked man shakes his head. “Even now, he scours the galaxy in search of the girl.”

“And he shall find her. Of that I am sure.” A brief smile disturbs the vacant features of the throned figure. “He is finally ready to listen. To be guided by one he trusts. Everything shall fall into place according to my design.”

“He killed Snoke,” the masked man reminds him. “How do you know he will not attempt the same when he discovers what you have planned for him?”

“Snoke was a fool,” snapped the seated figure. “Blind to the mistakes of the past. He sought out Ben Solo and, in his fear, infiltrated and corrupted his young mind in a crude attempt to control him. To eliminate the threat he could become. To use him for his own ends against me. This was the error that led to his downfall. Solo’s death would have served him better.”

The kneeling man’s head draws back. “Should it serve you, Master?”

“No. I have a use for the boy.” There is an almost soothing tone in the voice that answers him. “Snoke, in his arrogance, could not see that the Force must always seek to maintain balance. Without Ben Solo, it had to turn to another. The girl. Snoke could not see what I could. That these two, chosen by the Force, would create this bond. So strong that it turned Ren’s already conflicted soul into revolt. Spurring him to do what I could not. End Snoke. And end his hold over me.”

“And this bond…” replied the masked figure. “You do not fear it, Master?”

“No. I depend on it. I wish it to grow more powerful. I have learned from the mistakes of the past, even if Snoke could not. Anakin Skywalker’s compassion for his son was my undoing. This time I will not underestimate the power of compassion. Only by uniting these two, by strengthening their bond, can my plan succeed.”

The masked man’s brows knit underneath his visor. “How can you be so sure of Ren’s compliance? He has sworn to sever his links with all that has come before.”

“A boy’s empty defiance. Ill-considered, rash and ultimately meaningless.” The hooded figure’s response is louder, echoing hollowly off the hidden depths and towering walls of the cavern. “Kylo Ren does not know how to depend on his own judgement or form his own vision. For this, at least, I should thank Snoke. Had the girl but known it, he would have been swayed as easily by her as he has been by others. Even now, his reliance on the past leads him into my trap.”

The kneeling man raises his head. “But the girl? How can she be convinced to join forces with him again? She rejected him before.”

A flash lights a smile that does not quite reach the eyes of the hooded figure. “She resists the bond they have forged, but while it exists, it continues to pull her to him. She needs an incentive to bring her out of hiding. This I have already delivered. A bait that will lure her to him. It is only a matter of time.”

_Rey stands in the snow, chill inching up over her ankles, icy flakes settling in her hair. She is cold and alone, standing on a high rocky ledge overlooking vast stretches of a dark landscape. She knows it is warmer there, where rolling dunes of sand are untouched by snow, but Rey can’t go back there. Not yet. There is something she needs to do first._

_She turns back to enter the dark forest. She is not alone in here. There is a stabbing pain in her gut, a searing fire that scorches down the side of her face, over her shoulder and down into her chest. It is not her pain._

_It is his, and it is how she can find him. A dark figure motionless in the snow. He turns when she reaches him, alerted by her lightsaber igniting at her side. His own weapon lies beside him, half-buried in the snow and he makes no move to reach it. Rey knows that if he lets her get any closer, she will run him through._

_“Wait with me,” says Kylo Ren as the snow shifts around him, warming, melting. And now he lies on hard cold stone._

_“I can’t stay,” says Rey and sinks down to her knees beside him. He lies still, his dark eyes reflecting the blue light of her lightsaber as she lifts it. She touches it to his chest and Rey can feel it burn through his tunic until it reaches his skin. It is hot but this fire doesn’t hurt. He raises his eyes to meet hers._

_“Rey.”_

_Kylo reaches out and she raises her other hand to take it in hers, feeling the heat of his palm warm her cold fingers._

_"You know how this ends,” he says._

_Rey can sense his weariness, his acceptance of what has to pass. She tries to cry out but her screams dissolve in her throat, as her fist clenches around the hilt of her saber._

_And then she can only watch as she runs him through._

Across the galaxy, far, far away, Kylo Ren awoke with a start, his heart pounding in his chest. Fleeting images raced through his mind, but they were gone before he could capture them and he was left staring futilely at his ceiling, fists clenched and beads of sweat cooling on his skin. The regulated temperature of his chambers which had felt too warm just a moment ago seemed chilly now.

Kylo knew it was too early to rise and begin his day, even if he was disoriented by fretful sleep. This was not the first time that night his dreams had woken him. He might not be able to recall the substance of these dreams, but their mood lingered, long after the dreams had fled. Broken sleep he was accustomed to, but this had felt different, as if what roused him was something other than his own disturbed dreams. As if something else had broken through. Or someone else.

It was not the first time this had happened. And it would likely not be the last. If anything, these dreams were growing more and more prevalent, as if something urged him to action. Kylo knew what that was. And he knew what he had to do.

_He is here again._

_Rey closes her eyes. He isn’t really there if she doesn’t turn around. If she doesn’t see him. Doesn’t listen for the sound of his breath echoing in the stillness. She will never get used to this, but she has learned ways to deal with it. Calm her mind, disregard the quake in her stomach. Stifle any instinct to reach out and sense his mood. She has accepted now that she is an instrument of the Force, but not in this. Not anymore._

_This is a perverse manipulation, born from the Dark Side in an attempt to sway her as it has before. Her consciousness soars above her, separate and suspended, until the silent surge of the Force alerts her to his departure._

_It’s different this time. Shot through with a sort of desperation she hasn’t felt before. Rey turns before she can stop herself, her pulse quickening._

__

No Kylo Ren. He was gone and all that lay before her was the bustle of the Resistance base between the trees, and glimpses of blue sky peeking through the low mass of white cloud. Rey released a long shaky breath, her eyes focusing on the makeshift encampment in this lush green paradise. On the little treehouse that she had camped out in over what was now almost a year.

The lonely girl from that distant sandy planet had finally found a home of sorts and a purpose beyond anything she could ever have dreamed of. She should feel glad, happy even. Rey swallowed, feeling the tautness leave her shoulders. She _was_ glad. Kylo Ren was wrong. She had her part in this story, in spite of her origins. She couldn’t hold on to regret any longer. He had made his choice and she had made hers.

After she had left him behind, unconscious on the ashen floor of the Supremacy, there had still been a glimmer of hope that the Force would somehow find a way to show him the error of his ways. That glimmer of hope that had doggedly persisted throughout those first dreadful months afterwards, until she was forced to realise how wrong she had been. That hope served no other purpose than an excuse she had made herself believe to assuage her guilt. That she hadn’t been mistaken to go to him in the first place or that Luke had not sacrificed himself in vain.

But Rey knew she needed to remember what he had said in the flaming wreckage of Snoke’s throne room. What his ambitions had been. How he had firmly chosen his path without hesitation. How every word he had uttered wounded her deeper than the last. She shouldn’t doubt the veracity of his words anymore, or try to redefine them in order to confer a more favourable slant on them. Because unwelcome and confronting as they may have been, she had no reason to believe he hadn’t meant them. He had always told her the truth. Or at least his truth.

Ben Solo had died with Luke that day. Even if some part of him still remained, Kylo Ren had buried him so deep under layers of anger and resentment that she doubted she would ever be permitted to encounter him again.

Rey had spent most of her life waiting in vain. She wasn’t going to do it all over again. Ironically, the one constructive thing that she could take from her interactions with him was to do what he had urged her to do. Something he couldn’t do, despite his own advice. Kill the past, to become what she was supposed to be. Not that she planned on taking this advice in all respects, because acknowledging her own past had finally allowed her to take tentative steps beyond it. But she was certainly willing to kill her brief past with him.

She had failed. And now she had to face the truth, no matter how painful that was, make peace with it and move on.

A flock of birds noisily erupting from the trees startled Rey from her reverie. She looked up to see a cruiser break through the clouds above her with a hissing and grinding of landing mechanisms. She couldn’t think about this now. It was the Tantive IV, signalling the return of Leia, back from another mission to assemble allies willing to supply troops to bolster the depleted ranks of the Resistance. Rey slung her staff over her shoulder and picked up her bag, determined to banish Kylo Ren from her mind. Her disappointment was nothing in comparison to what Leia had been through in her lifetime. She should be there to greet her when they arrived.

Resolutely schooling her face into a cheerful mask, she picked her way back to the clearing beyond the Falcon through ferny tangles of undergrowth. This she could do. After all, she’d been doing it her whole life. Putting on a brave face and smiling through adversity was Rey’s default setting. It was a little different now of course. She never had to concern herself with the upkeep of anyone else’s morale but her own before. But this was a whole new world. A world where she, a scavenger from Jakku, was the last apprentice of the legendary Luke Skywalker. A mascot of the Resistance, a source of hope for the oppressed in the galaxy.

_Don’t think about it. Don’t let this responsibility crush rather than uplift._

_And don’t think about that ominous creeping darkness growing in the Force over the last few months. A menacing presence lurking in the hidden corners of consciousness. Because it could only mean one thing._

_Don’t think about what that meant._

“Supreme Leader.”

Kylo Ren stiffened and turned. General Hux stood just outside the door to his chambers.

“Yes?” snapped Kylo when it appeared the general wasn’t going to explain his presence. He looked shifty, but that was nothing new. Hux always appeared untrustworthy to Kylo.

“The rebellion on Mimban is quashed. My troops have executed the ringleaders and sent the remainder back to work down the mines.” 

“Good.” Kylo turned away, catching sight of Hux’s barely concealed antipathy in the reflection of the window. “The Knights of Ren are on their way back to the Steadfast. See that they come to me immediately on their arrival.”

“Have they located the scavenger?”

Kylo gritted his teeth. “Not as yet.”

Hux bobbed his head curtly and Kylo felt further irritated that he continued to linger. What did he want? Praise for relaying a simple communication?

“You can go,” Kylo said with rather unnecessary force.

Hux’s eyes met his in the reflection before he left and Kylo was galled to see a smirk on his face. Conniving little snake. All the same, it probably wasn’t wise to take that tone with Hux. Pathetic though he was, he hadn’t succeeded to the position he held by fair means. Rumours of what he had done to satisfy his ruthless ambition had reached even Kylo’s ears and he should remind himself to treat his general with some degree of civility. He didn’t doubt his ability to rid himself of the man with relative ease, and he had been tempted to do so on many an occasion. But Hux was, after all, a necessary evil, useful for supervising the First Order’s military, something the Supreme Leader had very little interest in.

The relief of Snoke’s demise had been short-lived. That title of Supreme Leader of the First Order might have seemed like something to be prized, but it came with numerous unforeseen responsibilities. A lot of them so tedious that Kylo had, on more than one occasion, wished he too had escaped when the scavenger did. It was difficult to maintain an idealistic dream of bringing order to a chaotic galaxy when most of the day was spent enduring endless dreary meetings about prosaic necessities such as food rationing and recruitment and military manoeuvres.

Snoke had ruled the First Order absolutely, making every decision, enforcing every directive. Kylo had soon found his own more erratic temperament unsuited to this exacting sort of despotic reign, preferring to let his generals deal with the mundane intricacies of command so he would be freer to pursue his own ambitions. Not that his input on these matters was expected or even wished for by his generals. He could only imagine they were considerably relieved that he had begun to delegate the overseeing of these meetings to his High Command more and more in the last few months.

Kylo stared at his own reflection, a dark featureless shape silhouetted against the cool glow of his stark white quarters. Nothing but an outline filled with the vast emptiness of the galaxy beyond, shot through with sparks of light. He could barely remember what he had wanted to achieve in the first place. All of that had changed when Rey had unexpectedly burst into his life, throwing his already conflicted soul into even more confusion. Anything had seemed suddenly possible when she appeared on the Supremacy. And when she had left just as abruptly as she had arrived, all of those possibilities that had barely begun to blossom in his mind were gone with her, before he had even time to comprehend what they might be. Any path forward was murkier and more uncertain than it had been before.

Particularly now. He had so nearly spoken aloud when the Force had connected them. She needed to know, and he had to be the one to tell her. This new information had to be the turning point he had needed to bring her to his side. It had the potential to finally stop her resisting the destiny they had both seen. But this resolution had dissolved when he had seen her.

She had looked off-puttingly different to the girl who had come to him on the Supremacy. Her hair once more tied back in knots similar to the ones she had worn when they had first met, pristine white tunic and leggings supplanting the more serviceable attire he was accustomed to. Even her grubby creased wrap was replaced with one that looked neatly pressed and orderly.

She had changed. Or regressed. Or a strange mixture of the two, as if she had grown confidence in the humble identity she had repressed before and embraced it. What else had changed for her in the time that had passed?

Kylo wasn’t quite sure why this notion had caused such an overpowering surge of fury to sweep through him at this contradictory unfamiliar yet familiar sight or why he was left hollow and shaken in its aftermath. But everything he had been building up to say had remained unuttered. All he could do was stare at her oblivious form in fulminating silence until she disappeared.

Kylo dismissed her from his mind, picking up his helmet and striding forward to release a hidden drawer in the central console of his living chamber. It hissed as it opened, the cool vapour that conserved the object inside coiling out in thick curls of white steam. Kylo studied the mask of his grandfather for a long moment before setting his own helmet down over his head and reaching forward to touch the cold metal of Darth Vader’s ruined helm.

This time he was prepared for the swell of Darkness that heaved through him as his gloved fingertips came to rest on the scorched metal and he didn’t lurch backwards, forcing himself to stay perfectly still as he gathered his thoughts. This time he would not allow his questions to remain unanswered.

“Grandfather,” he said steadily, and closed his eyes against the sudden flame of crimson red in the joins of his restructured helmet.

_“My boy.”_

The deep voice echoed through his mind and Kylo rushed into speech before he could be side-tracked by whatever message his grandfather wished to deliver.

“I need the location of the Final Order. My own forces cannot be mobilised until I know it. With our combined strength, we will have the reach to scour the galaxy for the Resistance and wipe out the last remaining threat to my rule.”

_“You shall have it,”_ said the voice, _“but not before you accomplish one last task to prove yourself worthy.”_

Kylo drew in a frustrated breath. There was always one more task, one more necessary clause. How many more trials would he have to go through to gain the confidence of his grandfather? His hand had been forced too many times over the past year.

“What is it?”

_“There is another. You have tried to hide her from me, but you forget that I see all that lurks in the darkest corners of your mind. While she stays in the Light, there can be no purpose in taking on the Resistance. She will defend them and seek to destroy you.”_

Kylo forced his breath to leave him slowly, in a controlled flow that warmed his face in the confines of his helmet.

“What do you want me to do? Her location is hidden from me.”

_“You must find it. You must persuade her to join you on the Dark Side. I know you still communicate with her. Use it. Use her own fears to bring her to you. Only when she has joined you, will I share the last secrets you need to gain full control of the galaxy and you shall have the answers you seek.”_

“She won’t listen to me,” said Kylo shortly. “It’s too late for that.”

_“She will.”_ The sonorous voice became almost complacent in tone. _“She will when you tell her where her origins lie. When she knows the whole truth.”_

Kylo’s brows lowered. Maybe his grandfather’s spirit was not as omniscient as he had thought after all.

“She does know it. She told me herself. I saw it in her mind.”

_“Does she? Or does she only know what she can remember_? _That is what you saw. There is a lot more to who she really is than she knows.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Illustration on twitter - https://twitter.com/2BrightStars1/status/1346047384594358273/photo/1
> 
> Photo manip for Chapter 1. Ajan Kloss - https://twitter.com/2BrightStars1/status/1328356053575233537/photo/1


	2. Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has a long overdue and emotional chat with Leia, Kylo trains with the Knights of Ren and springs a surprise on Rey.

It had happened again. Flutters in the Force breaking her concentration. So soon after the last, just before she was due to commence training with Leia, who was filled with renewed purpose after her visit to Yavin 4. Finally, the Outer Rim planets were on their way to becoming persuaded to align themselves with the Resistance. There was still work to be done there to convince them fully, and Leia needed her Force wielding asset to be ready when they were. But Rey knew any attempt to focus her mind right now would be doomed to fail. She was still a little too rattled by the unsettling sensations she had just experienced.

This time he hadn’t been present in the way he usually appeared. She knew that without turning, but his emotions ripped through their bond, too urgent for her to block them out straight away. His anger, betrayal and confusion flooded through her almost as fiercely as if they were her own.

Something had changed. Something had happened to make him feel this way and Rey had stopped dead in her tracks, torn between pity and outrage that she was inextricably linked to something so horrible. He had chosen this path. She hadn’t. She shouldn’t have to experience whatever he was going through as a result of his own actions. And she shouldn’t have to be constantly on edge for fear that his turmoil would surge through into her consciousness at a critical moment.

“I’m sorry. I don’t think I can...” Rey forced herself to meet Leia’s eyes. “I’m tired. I can’t focus.”

Leia took a breath before looking at Rey. “But that’s not it. Is it, Rey? There has been a change in the Force. I’ve felt it. I know you have too.”

Rey hesitated before nodding. What exactly did she know?

“Sit with me. We need to talk.” Leia turned away, walking towards the base. Rey followed her to one of the mess tables and sat down on the opposite side. Leia looked down at her hands resting on the surface before her.

“I’ve felt it before. But it can’t be.”

Rey didn’t know how to answer her and wasn’t sure if she was expected to. It was almost as if the general spoke her thoughts aloud rather than directly to her.

“This presence is one I haven’t sensed in a long time. I must be mistaken.”

Rey steeled herself. “Ben?”

Leia glanced up in surprise. “Ben? No!” She saw Rey flush and her brows drew together. “Is that what you thought?”

“I don’t know,” replied Rey feebly.

Leia clasped her hand. “No. It isn’t,” she said with conviction. “I’d know. This is something else. Something older. These are the times I wish Luke were here.”

Rey didn’t answer her. She didn’t know how. Leia didn’t want to believe her son could create such a… a shadow in the Force and Rey couldn’t bring herself to oppose her. Her mention of Luke made her feel as uncomfortable as it always did. She reached into her satchel and placed his lightsaber resolutely on the table. It might have called to her as if it had been a missing part of her that she hadn’t realised she needed before. And Luke might have rejected it, but now that he had become one with the Force, Rey couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt at having it in her possession. Particularly after her last encounter with its former master.

“You should have this. Not me. It belongs to your family.”

She nudged it closer to the general when she made no move to take it. When Leia looked up her eyes were wet, her grip tightening on Rey’s fingers.

“Keep it. It’s yours. You’ve earned it.” She loosened her hand on Rey’s to wave away her concern. “It wants to be with you. I know it’s what Luke would want. And _I_ want you to have it.”

_She was taking what should be Ben Solo’s legacy_. Rey didn’t need to be Force sensitive to guess what Leia was inevitably thinking, just as she was.

Leia watched Rey tuck the saber back into her bag and her next words confirmed Rey’s suspicion.

“You saw my son, didn’t you? On the Supremacy. When you went to face Snoke?” She saw Rey’s large eyes turn swiftly to meet hers, suddenly apprehensive and had her answer. “You did. Tell me.”

Rey wavered, looking into dark eyes so like her those of her son. Only one other person really knew what had happened that night. And this was his mother. There was a part of Rey that longed to unburden herself of that secret she had kept for so long. Who else but Leia would be as capable of understanding or forgiving those more questionable decisions she had made on that ill-fated night on Ahch-To? But there was another, more persuasive part that shrank from confiding in her.

Rey was still not quite ready to examine why she had gone there in the first place. The pain. The absolute certainty that had proved unfounded. Luke’s anger. The despair and confusion and excitement that preceded all of that. It had all happened so fast it barely made sense to her now. How could she explain any of this to someone else?

But Leia deserved to know at least some of it, the parts that involved her son and her brother. Rey had no right to keep those from her any longer. This was a conversation she had avoided for much too long. And even though Leia’s eyes were as dark as Kylo Ren’s, there the similarity ended. There was warmth in their expression, and openness and kindness. Rey felt a jolt of recognition despite her previous thought.

She _had_ seen that expression before in Kylo’s eyes. More tentative, a little more guarded, but it had been there. But that was before had everything changed. It was time to put that particular memory away. Rey’s own expression became more resolute.

“He knew I was coming,” she started.

“Ben?” Leia interrupted and when Rey nodded in assent; “How?”

“It’s hard to explain. The Force connected us. Or Snoke did. When I was on Ahch-To.” She saw Leia sit up straighter in her seat and plunged on before she lost her nerve. “It happened a couple of times. We could see each other, speak to each other. That’s sort of why I went there.”

She trailed away, seeing the questions she had been dreading forming in Leia’s mind. Desperate to steer her off course, she rallied herself. “I shouldn’t have gone. I know that now. Luke didn’t want me to. I should have listened. I’m sorry.”

Leia looked away for a moment, digesting this information and Rey waited in more than a little trepidation until Leia looked up again.

“I’m not sure I understand. This connection. I’ve never heard of anything quite like what you’ve described.”

“I don’t understand it either,” said Rey. “Snoke said he did it. To manipulate us both.”

Leia studied her. “But you’re not sure?” She saw Rey shrug uncomfortably and changed tack. “Whether he did or not, it doesn’t explain why you went there. Why did you go?”

She saw Rey hesitate. “Rey, you can tell me,” she urged gently.

“I want to tell you. I should have told you before. I just didn’t know how to explain it myself.” Rey glanced away. Perhaps it would be easier if she weren’t looking directly at Leia. When she spoke again her voice was quieter.

“Something happened on the island. I found out something. About me. I was upset. And then the Force connected us.” Her eyes flitted up to meet Leia’s guiltily. “I know I shouldn’t have, but my guard was down. I told him. About what happened. About me.”

Leia’s hand reached over to hold Rey’s again, and Rey couldn’t bear the hopeful look in her eyes. She shouldn’t be giving Kylo Ren’s mother hope, but now that she had finally started to tell someone about what had really happened that night, the relief of unburdening herself was too overwhelming to contain. Almost like the night in question, when she had sat across from her son, the bone deep chill from her damp clothes evaporating over the heat of her little fire, under the warmth of his gaze. But sympathetic as Leia was, Rey had no intention of revealing everything she had told Kylo.

“He understood. He was kind.” For some reason Rey couldn’t bring herself to tell her how she had felt that strange compulsion to reach out, to touch him. “He wanted to help me, and I wanted to help him,” was all she could manage but that was enough to spill the tears welling in Leia’s eyes. Rey’s heart pounded in a horrible mixture of remorse and pity. “I’m so sorry. I thought I could bring him back. I’m so sorry I couldn’t.”

Leia shook her head wordlessly and released Rey’s hand to pull her close, enveloping her in a hug that brought tears stinging to Rey’s eyelids. Her throat filled painfully, but she gulped back the swells building up inside her. There was more to the story that Leia needed to know.

“What you heard… What the First Order have been saying. It’s not true. Kylo killed Snoke. Not me. He killed him instead of killing me.”

_She sees Kylo’s eyes turn to meet hers as she rises to stand before him. Feels that fierce wave of exhilaration pulsing through him sweep through her._

Her breath shuddered, and then broke loose in a sob as she felt Leia’s hand on the back of her head, stroking her hair.

“I was so sure,” she whispered into Leia’s shoulder and then buried her face into the comfort of her embrace. Leia’s arms tightened around her, rocking her until her sobs dissipated into wet snuffles.

How could Ben Solo have turned his back on this? _How?_

Rey’s misery crystallised into anger at such wilful disregard for all that he had thrown away. He had everything she had ever wanted. Right here, surrounded by the love of what remained of his family. The sacrifice Han had made, Luke had made. The agony these sacrifices had caused Leia. All for nothing. How could anyone be so cruel? So… so _selfish_?

Rey felt Leia’s arms loosen around her, her hands lift to grip her shoulders. She moved back reluctantly to meet Leia’s gaze.

“I wasn’t sure,” whispered Leia. “I had almost given up. Until my brother reminded me that no one’s really truly gone.” She saw Rey frown through her tears. “Don’t give up hope.”

Rey opened her mouth to speak and Leia shook her head.

“I’m not asking you to bring him back. Or save him. Only he can do this, I know that now. But I have to believe all of this wasn’t in vain. I do believe it.”

“I did believe it,” said Rey in a brittle little voice. “But it’s been so long, and nothing has changed.”

That made Leia smile. “It took my father a lot longer than a year. And it took me much longer to forgive him. It was only when Ben…” She paused, gathering herself. “Have patience. Don’t shut yourself off from the possibility if he does reach out to you again. I know you can’t see why now, but what you have told me has given me more hope than I have felt for so many years.”

Rey couldn’t answer her. This was precisely the result she hadn’t wanted from this conversation. This was why she hadn’t wanted to tell her in the first place. But hope was all Leia had now and it wasn’t Rey’s place to take it from her.

Kylo side-stepped Trudgen’s vibrocleaver deftly, hearing the hum of the ultrasonic blade sweep past his helmet. A tremor in the Force alerted him to another attack from behind and he swung around, bringing up his lightsaber to ward off Ushar’s war club. Ushar swivelled, disconnecting his club from Kylo’s sudden thrust forward and skidded back out of range. Kylo planted his feet, both hands gripping his weapon as he glanced around him, seeing the Knights fall back to surround him from a distance far enough away to evade their master’s spitting scarlet blade.

“You’re out of practice,” said Kylo.

“We’ve been training non-stop for two hours,” panted Cardo. “Do you want to kill us? Or you?”

“You’ve been training with a bolt launcher and an arm cannon,” grated Kylo. “And you didn’t even get close to hitting me.”

“If that’s what you want, stand still for a moment,” grumbled Cardo indistinctly from behind the blast furnace plate shielding his lower face. “I’d be happy to oblige.” He saw Kylo’s crouched frame freeze and added. “These weapons are a lot heavier than that Jedi saber.”

“Something wrong, Master?” said Vicrul, and Kylo could feel the cold raw edges of his mind graze off his.

“Don’t even try,” said Kylo, fully conscious of his Knight’s intention behind that apparently concerned question.

Vicrul’s limited abilities to intensify fear would not work on him, but it annoyed him that even he could sense Kylo’s unease behind the focused control he always employed in training. Vicrul’s mind pressed in on his again and Kylo’s saber shot up.

“Enough!”

A chill glanced off his raised arm and Kylo wheeled around to see Ap’lek back away, spinning his axe from one hand to the other. The chill became stinging pain and Kylo’s eyes dropped fleetingly to a rip in his sleeve, a slender sliver of blood welling in the wound. His gaze lifted to Ap’lek’s crudely cobbled metal mask.

“That close enough, Master Ren?” said Ap’lek.

Kylo glowered at him. He straightened up, shutting off his saber.

“That’s enough for today.”

He spun on his heel and left, stalking towards his quarters at speed, as angry with himself as he was with his Knights. He had let himself be distracted by Vicrul. An advantage that was all too easily exploited by his devious comrade. Kylo’s fingers rose to squeeze the wound Ap’lek’s Mandalorian axe had dealt. It was nothing, a mere graze, but it should never have occurred. A novice mistake that was the result of his own negligence and overconfidence.

He had almost looked forward to the return of the Knights of Ren, back from another unsuccessful mission to hunt out what he sought in the Unknown Regions. He had hoped extended practice bouts would wear off some of the restless energy that had plagued him ever since he had unearthed his grandfather’s helmet again. But he had not taken into account the irritation his encounters with the Knights brought him.

His superior power in the Force and skill with the lightsaber had kept them in line throughout the years, but Kylo was all too aware that the Knights of Ren’s respect and loyalty was something that had to be earned on a day to day basis. That had its drawbacks as well as the obvious advantage of keeping him continuously alert.

Kylo could never quite shake the notion that this group of rough-and-ready older warriors still regarded him as that unsure boy who had wheedled his way into their ranks through the auspices of Snoke. He had won the title of Master by his own merit years ago when he had given their former leader a good death and proven himself over and over to be worthy of that privilege, but their sometimes casual attitude towards him rankled.

They didn’t fear him. They didn’t fear anything.

Kylo unlatched his helmet and laid it down carefully on the console inside the door of his chambers. It had only been a year since it had been almost a part of him, second nature to don it with the rest of his attire, even in the privacy of his own chambers. Now it seemed to stifle him. Whether that was because the re-forged helmet didn’t quite fit the way it had before or because of its newfound purpose he wasn’t sure.

Although the latter definitely rankled. It wasn’t easy to play the same game he had thought finished with Snoke’s death, particularly because he had instigated this one himself. And on top of this, the High Command’s lack of faith in his decisions was even more wearing. Fear of Kylo’s methods when thwarted were the only things that stifled their objections. Only that insufferable old bore, General Pryde appeared to be in full support of his plan to unite forces with the new threat from the Beyond. And that was more likely out of respect for his grandfather than for him.

Kylo rolled his shoulders moodily to shake out the tightness that had settled again over his aching muscles before reaching for a flask of water to soothe his dry throat. So much for releasing that tension through training. It had only served to exacerbate it. A tingle in the Force stayed his hand.

Rey.

It was time. This time he would break down that barrier.

_Rey. Legs crossed. Elbows resting on her knees, her palms spread upwards in meditation._

_“Rey.”_

_Rey’s eyes pop open in shock, her carefully modulated thoughts flying into disarray. Because this… this is unthinkable. This is breaking all of those unspoken rules._

_“Rey.” Kylo Ren’s voice again, more insistent this time. “We need to talk.”_

Speak, Rey _._

_“No.”_

_Now she can sense his exasperation through the Force, and she shivers as a thrill of recognition shoots through her. Sensing his emotions through their bond in the past year was one thing, reaching out to them is quite another. The urgency of this strange contact between them is too difficult to withstand once she has let him in. She hears him exhale, hears soft footfalls coming closer. Closer. She uncrosses her legs and gets up, stumbling as she turns to back away from him._

_Kylo Ren. Towering over her, gloved hands relaxing into loose fists by his sides. She takes another step back, unclasping her lightsaber, swinging it between them, thumb poised over the ignition switch. Tries not to notice the look on his face as he stalls, glancing up from the lightsaber into her eyes. She can’t trust that look. When he speaks again his voice is quieter._

_“Have you felt it? A change in the Force?”_

_Rey’s brows draw together in confusion. Yes. Of course, she has. What sort of trick is this? Kylo’s eyes flick between hers, assessing her reaction and reaching his own conclusion when she remains mute._

_“You have.”_

_Rey’s grip on her saber loosens as she attempts to read the expression in those dark eyes. Feels that never quite forgotten pull to reach out and understand him and then wrenches that urge away. This is cruel. He is cruel._

_“Why are you doing this? You can’t deceive me anymore.” Her tone isn’t as strident as she would like, but her words appear to have an impact on him._

_It’s his turn to look confused. “I’m not trying to deceive you. I’m trying to warn you.”_

_Her chin tilts up. “You mean threaten me.”_

_“No.” He shakes his head. “Something’s coming. I know what it is. If you know anything, tell me.”_

_Disbelief jolts Rey out of her suspicion._

_“It isn’t you?” she falters and as the Force takes him away, she stares at the worn washed out canvas of her treehouse tent, seeing only his face, as if his features are etching themselves into it. A spasm crossing his face, widening his eyes, parting his lips._

She had shocked him. She had _hurt_ him. Rey slumped down on her cot, numb with surprise.

_It isn’t him_.

That growing menace in her mind, slithering through the Force with malevolent intent. It wasn’t him. And there it was. That little flicker, that last glowing ember of hope she had thought she had snuffed out long ago. But she couldn’t fan that ember back to life. She shouldn’t. He had looked like the Ben Solo she remembered from that terrible night when they had reached out to each other in their loneliness, but he wasn’t. Not anymore.

She sat up straighter, as if a stiff backbone would somehow strengthen her thought processes. She owed it to everyone, including herself, to think clearly about this development. Because this wasn’t just her fight. It was Leia’s and Finn’s too. The Resistance needed her to be strong. She needed to know if he was telling her the truth before she took him at his word. This time, she would let reason guide her actions. There was always the possibility that he didn’t realise that he, himself, was the cause of this malignant undercurrent they had both sensed.

Maybe she shouldn’t have cut herself off from all of that raw anger that had permeated their connections after Crait. That she couldn’t bear to touch. Maybe she should have left some door even slightly ajar. Maybe then she could be sure.

_If it isn’t him_.

She bit her lip, fighting to suppress that surge of excitement that bobbed under the surface of her reasonable deliberations, refusing to subside despite her best efforts. Yes, that would mean there was someone or something out there that threatened the galaxy. She couldn’t even begin to comprehend what that could be.

_But if it isn’t him._

She allowed herself the relief of the smallest smile and that simple act heaved a swell of emotion loose in a gasping sob. She gulped it back, blinking unseeingly into the dimness of her tent. He didn’t have to be the one she had to defeat or be defeated by. At least not yet. Maybe just for a moment, she could indulge herself in the tiniest hope that there was still time. For Ben Solo. Han and Leia’s only son and the only person who really knew Rey for everything she was. The only person she really truly knew whether she liked it or not.

Because while he was still out there, no matter how far away, she wasn’t alone. He held her secrets, her hopes and her fears as she held his, tucked away, hidden and safe. Rey knew it was wrong to feel comfort in this. After all, it weakened her just as much as it did him.

“Rey?”

Rey swung around guiltily, wiping her arm wrap over her eyes. To see Rose Tico, head craned around the flap of her tent.

“Sorry, am I interrupting your… Oh?” She took in Rey’s red eyes and audible sniff. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, yes. I’m fine,” said Rey abruptly. “Just… I’m tired and frustrated with… stuff.”

“Oh,” Rose nodded doubtfully and waved a hand in a mysterious fashion. “Force stuff?”

This brought a smile to Rey’s lips. “Yes, but it’s okay. Like I said, it’s just a bit draining. I’m fine, really.”

“If you’re sure. If it helps, I’m the bearer of good news. We just heard from Poe. They met with their contact and will be back tomorrow. And yes, before you ask, the Falcon’s fine.”

“Oh,” said Rey, her brow creasing. “What’s the news? Is there a spy? Did we get information?”

“Apparently, yes. I don’t know what it is yet. There was interference with the signal. In the meantime, there’s not a lot we can do but wait. I’m going to get something to eat with Kaydel. Want to join us?”

When Rey looked hesitant, she entered the tent and reached for Rey’s hand, giving it a gentle tug.

“Come on. You look like you could use a break. We all could.”


	3. Unresolved Tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey discovers the confusing delights of girl-talk and gets tipsy. Cue a Force Bond connection with a mostly naked Kylo Ren and a surprising proposal from Rey.
> 
> Note: There is alcohol consumption in this chapter.

Rey did need a break she realised a little later. Maybe she hadn’t quite realised just how insular she had become, training by day and meditating and poring over Jedi texts by night, interspersed with unwanted visitations from her arch-nemesis. It had been a lot simpler to slip into the habit of avoiding the other inhabitants of the camp so her determined rejections of those unwelcome interruptions could go unnoticed. Because on the rare occasions he had appeared when she was in company it had been almost impossible to maintain that veneer of unruffled calm.

But it was surprising how pleasant it was to sit with Rose and Kaydel Ko Connix, eating and chatting by the firelight under the starry sky and pretend, just for a little while, that she wasn’t plagued by any secret visitor. This night was particularly idyllic, warm and balmy and disrupted only by the creaks of swaying branches overhead and the dim murmur of small groups littered about nearby tables.

“It’s so quiet. It’s almost hard to believe there’s a war going on,” said Kaydel, pushing her empty bowl aside. “On a night like this, I can almost imagine I’m back home on Dulathia.”

“I know,” agreed Rose. “It feels almost… normal. Dinner with friends.” Her smile grew wistful. “With family.”

Kaydel exchanged a guilty glance with Rey. “Sorry, Rose. I didn’t mean to…”

“No! I know,” said Rose quickly. “I know what you meant. But it’s hard to imagine now what all of our lives would be like if there was no First Order. I mean, what would we be doing? Right now?”

“Making dinner for our husbands,” said Kaydel and laughed as the others turned surprised eyes on her. “That was a joke. I can’t cook to save my life. Imagine though, if that was the only thing you had to worry about. Or some boring job you could forget about when you got home.”

“So what are these brilliant young minds discussing? Enlighten me with your strategies and plans.”

Rey glanced around to see Leia behind her. She shifted over on the bench to make room.

“Not plans. Husbands,” said Kaydel baldly.

“Husbands?” echoed Leia on a laugh as she sat down. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I’ll admit I’m surprised. I was unaware any of you had decided to tie the knot.”

“We were talking about what our lives might be like if there wasn’t a war going on,” explained Rose quickly. “It was Kaydel who suggested we’d be making dinner for our husbands.”

“It _was_ a joke,” Kaydel protested.

Leia smiled ruefully. “I can’t say I remember cooking very often for my husband. Or he for me. We always seemed to be too busy. Or I was.” The three younger women found it hard to meet her eye. Leia seemed to realise that and shook her head.

“It’s okay. It’s nice to talk about him now. To remember him. Not that it was always easy. I argued with that man more than anyone I’ve ever met, but I’ll never be sorry I married him.” She smiled at Rose. “You never met Han. Rey and Kaydel did.”

She saw Rey’s eyes lift to hers and gripped her hand for a moment.

“Don’t be sad. I want to remember him the way he was. The way we were. In happier times. But I’m making you all sad, and that was definitely not my intention.” She straightened up. “So why are we talking husbands? Is there a romance on the base I’m not aware of?”

There was an uncomfortably muttered general denial among the company and Leia chuckled.

“Really? Three beautiful intelligent young women and not one of you interested in anyone? What about you, Kaydel? You spend a lot of time with that new recruit, Beaumont.”

“No!” Kaydel refuted Leia’s insinuation forcefully.

“You know, there’s more to life than a partner but it’s a shame that this war has taken away the chance for you all to meet someone special. Every girl deserves a bit of romance if that’s what she’d like. What about you, Rose?”

Rey noticed a furtive glance between Kaydel and Rose and was surprised when Rose’s eyes met hers for the briefest moment before flicking down to the table in discomfort.

“I sense hesitation,” prompted Leia.

“No, it’s nothing. Really.”

“You can tell us. Come on. This life is difficult. We live and breathe it. We all have to be strong and pick ourselves up and carry on. Every single day. But we’re people too. We have to remember what we’re fighting for. To live our lives the way we want. To have what we want. If that includes someone special, that’s okay.”

“I know,” said Rose. “But it’s not what he wants.”

“Well then he’s a fool,” said Leia with emphasis. She waved an imperious hand at Snap Wexley, seated a few tables away. “Snap. Bring over a few bottles of that wine Lando sent us from the reserves.”

She looked around to see Kaydel giggle as Snap scooted out of his seat promptly.

“What?”

“You’re still so _regal_.”

“I _was_ a princess before I was a general,” admitted Leia with a smile. “I’ve never had any difficulty giving orders. I’m not going to apologise for that. And this is a conversation that should be had over wine.” She turned her gaze to Rose. “So, who is this fool?”

Rose flushed. “I’d rather not say. And he’s not a fool. I just read it wrong. And now it’s… it’s a little weird.”

“Why? Did you tell him?” asked Leia. The bottles arrived and Leia opened one, sloshing the contents into their tumblers.

“No,” said Rose in a suffocated voice. “Worse. I kissed him.”

“Good for you,” approved Leia. “And what did he do?”

“Nothing. I mean, he couldn’t really. I passed out.”

Leia’s eyebrows rose. “That must have been some kiss.”

It finally dawned on Rey. The strange awkwardness. The over-genial shoulder punches. The sudden silences when Rose’s name came up in conversation.

“Finn?!”

Rose stared at her, face glowing pinker.

Remorse filtered through Rey’s shock. “I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said that!”

“Finn?” repeated Leia. “And I thought he was a nice boy.”

“He is!” said Rey and Rose in unison.

Rose looked at Rey guardedly. “He told you. I thought he might. You’re so close.”

“No!” said Rey. “He never did. I just worked it out. A few seconds ago.”

Leia glanced between them. “And you and Finn? That’s not a thing?”

Rey’s surprise doubled. “No! What? Me? No, of course not! We’re just friends. But I don’t understand. That was on Crait? So what happened after that?”

Rose shrugged. “Nothing. It was like it never happened. Except it was a thousand times more awkward. It’s better now, but still kinda embarrassing.”

Rey sat back, trying to take it all in. Her immediate instinct was to fly to the defence of the first friend she had ever had, but Rose was also her friend. And it was awful to think Finn had deliberately hurt her feelings. He couldn’t have intended to.

“He was a stormtrooper,” was all she could think to say. “I’ve heard a little about his life with the First Order. I can’t imagine he’s had much experience. Maybe he just didn’t know what to do.”

“He’s a man,” said Leia grandly. “It’s not that difficult to know what to do when a girl kisses you.”

“I _was_ unconscious,” Rose reminded her.

“Not forever,” retorted Leia.

“Please don’t tell him you know, Rey,” said Rose.

“Okay,” agreed Rey dubiously, even though she had been just thinking about asking Finn to explain himself when he arrived back the next day. The sage nods of the other women made her realise that she had much to discover about the correct way of navigating the love lives of her peers. But wouldn’t it make more sense if Rose simply asked him if he liked her too? Her deliberations were interrupted by Leia.

“So that leaves you, Rey. Did you have any young men on Jakku?”

_“No!”_

The shocked look on her face made Kaydel giggle. “Not even one? What about here?”

“No! Of course not!” repudiated Rey quickly.

“Wait. You mean you’ve never even looked at anyone that way?” asked Kaydel, a little startled.

Rey’s confusion churned into embarrassment. She had never had a conversation like this. She hadn’t ever expected to. Even though Rose and Kaydel were not very much older than her, she felt suddenly infinitely behind them in so many ways. Was it weird that she didn’t know what it was like to feel romantically about someone? Was it weirder that it had never really occurred to her that someone could feel like that about her too?

An image, unbidden, swam into her mind.

_Kylo Ren, standing a little too close, looking down at her while she stood on the beach in the rain, his dark eyes searching her face, her eyes, her lips. That breathless moment before the Force took him from her._

Shaken, she reached for her tumbler and took a lengthy draught, spluttering a little as the wine hit the back of her throat.

“I forgot,” she coughed as Leia patted her back. "I thought it was water."

“It’s all this talk of romance. It’s got us all fuddled. We’re not accustomed to these conversations anymore.” Leia shook her head. “Although I’m surprised Poe Dameron’s name hasn’t come up. He’s a handsome fellow. I would have assumed he’d be everyone’s type.”

“Been there, done that,” said Kaydel airily and then raised her hands defensively when all eyes turned to her. “What? We’re not all chastely waiting for a prince to sweep us off our feet.”

“No judgement here,” giggled Rose. “When did this happen?”

“A while ago. And a few times before that.” Kaydel shrugged. “It’s wartime. Any day could be your last. You’ve got to take your chances when they present themselves.”

“That’s my girl,” said Leia warmly.

The conversation that ensued was one Rey took no part in. She sipped her drink, wide-eyed as the others talked. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to join in, or even that she disapproved. It was just that she had nothing to add but, it transpired, a lot to learn. It occurred to her that she had spent most of her time in the Resistance in the company of men and they never seemed to talk about things like this. Or at least they didn’t in front of her. Finn had never even told her about Rose’s kiss. Had he told Poe? Why hadn’t he told her? She was his best friend.

And yet here, these three women sat around, very openly dissecting Poe Dameron’s attractive attributes and the intricacies of relationships as if these were worthy topics to discuss. Rey couldn’t help feeling strange about it. It was as if she was suddenly seeing these normally earnest women through a whole new lens. That they could laugh and joke about that particular aspect of life was eye-opening. She was amazed at their honesty about a subject that made Rey feel nervous and a little silly.

Although she couldn’t quite imagine how any of what they were describing could ever apply to her. The wine warming her veins finally dared her to ask what had been predominantly on her mind.

“But how do you know?” She paused, suddenly shy as they others looked at her. “I mean, how do you know if you like someone? Like _that?_ ”

“That’s a big question that deserves another bottle,” said Leia opening another.

Rose proffered her tumbler for a top up. “It’s a feeling,” she mused dreamily. “A flutter in your tummy. Your heart speeds up. It’s hard to focus on anything or anybody else.”

Rey stared at her, a hollow sensation forming in her own stomach.

“Or you just wanna grab them,” added Kaydel less romantically.

“Lucky Poe,” observed Leia drily.

“But what you said, Rose,” persisted Rey. “That doesn’t have to mean you like someone? I mean, it could be that you don’t like them at all. It doesn’t sound nice. That feeling.”

“It isn’t exactly nice,” agreed Rose.

“Until it is,” said Kaydel. “It’s nice when they feel the same way too and you can do something about it.”

“Like kissing,” surmised Rey who had been digesting a lot of new information.

“Amongst other things.” Kaydel tilted her head. “Somehow I don’t think all of these questions stem purely from idle curiosity. Is there a certain someone causing our Rey to feel all aflutter?”

“No!” Rey’s voice was sharp with denial. She accepted her refilled tumbler from Leia, unable to meet her quizzical eye and took a gulp to fortify herself. “I was just curious.”

“Sure.” Kaydel nodded wisely and cast Rey a mischievous look over the rim of her glass. “In case you’re just curious if he likes you back, check out how he behaves around you.”

“I’m not curious!” insisted Rey. “Why would I be? There isn’t anyone.”

“Okay, but in the event you might want to know in the future, look out for certain things. You know, extended eye contact, moving closer than he needs to be, fidgeting, telling you personal things about himself he’d tell no one else. That sort of thing.” Kaydel glanced at Rose. “Anything else I’ve left out, bar obvious flirting?”

“Don’t ask me,” said Rose morosely. “I think it’s pretty clear I’m not great at reading signals.”

Leia took in Rose’s slide into self-doubt and Rey’s rather stricken expression and neatly changed the subject, regaling the company with a tale of an unfortunate social faux pas she had made on Mon Cala when she was a young senator.

It was late when Kylo returned to his quarters. He had been tired before, but now he was exhausted after yet more dealings with Hux’s antagonism, thinly veiled under layers of sycophancy, on top of that intensive training session with the Knights of Ren. His brief connection with Rey hadn’t helped either. Whatever trust had been tentatively built up between them had collapsed without any hope of being rebuilt long ago, but all the same, how could she think that sickening thread through the Force was him?

Although all he wanted to do was collapse onto his bed and forget it all for a few dreamless hours, he badly needed to get into the fresher to wash off the day and loosen his tense muscles. But now that his connections with Rey appeared to be picking up in frequency, he couldn’t ignore a niggling qualm that she could suddenly appear before him. She usually closed her eyes and ignored him, but since he had opened their connection, it was possible she might not. Maybe if he were very quick, he could be in and out before she made an appearance. He really didn’t want to have to wait interminably until she arrived, if she even would at all. He had gone to his bed sweaty and uncomfortable too many times as a result of this particular fear.

Peeling his clothes off as briskly as possible, he wrapped a precautionary towel around his hips before removing his undergarments. It was awful to have to be in such a constant state of alert at times like this. Kylo had become so accustomed to changing and washing so quickly and discreetly that he had almost forgotten what his own naked body looked like in its entirety.

Halfway to the refresher, he felt that all too familiar pull of the Force. Kylo cursed, torn between feigning obliviousness, and finally confronting her with the information he had tried to impart before. He didn’t have time to make up his mind and had to settle for tucking in the ends of his towel as briskly and securely as possible.

_“Hello.”_

_Rey’s indistinct voice reaches him, and he turns to face her, surprised to see her weaving unsteadily before bracing herself heavily against something, a toothbrush wedged in her mouth._

_Is she on a boat?_

_“One moment,” she commands, holding up her forefinger and turns away to spit and rinse her mouth. His eyebrows twitch together in fastidious dismay at having to witness such intimate ablutions. Force connections have no sense of timing._

_Rey wanders back towards him. “What do you want?”_

_Kylo’s confusion seeks refuge in indignation. “What do you mean, what do I want? It’s not as if I called you up on a comlink.”_

_His sarcasm is lost on her he realises, because she’s not listening, apparently distracted by his appearance. Her candid hazel eyes run over him without any trace of the embarrassment she had so obviously felt during the other Force encounter that surprised him in a state of undress. Kylo’s towel suddenly seems much too small and he has to suppress a strong urge to wrap his arms around his torso. He chooses instead to force himself to walk towards her, chin lifted haughtily._

_“If it is true that you have no knowledge of what is causing the disturbance in the Force, you need to listen to what I have to say.”_

_Rey’s eyes glance up to his for a moment before sliding down again._

_“I will. I am. It’s just… it’s a little hard to concentrate when you’re dressed like this. Or **not** dressed,” she said, indicating with an all-encompassing wave of her hand what she sees before her._

_Kylo’s brows lift uneasily. “Rey?”_

_Now she is meandering towards him and Kylo has to stop himself from moving backward._

_“Did you ever feel like you’ve missed out on something?” she asks confidingly and she’s looking up at him now, but she doesn’t seem focused on any particular feature. “Like everybody else knows so much more than you?”_

_He shakes his head, impatience edging through his bewilderment. “I’m trying to tell you. We don’t have much time.”_

_She appears to gather herself, crossing her arms and planting her feet apart._

_“I’m listening.” A little hiccup escapes her and Kylo frowns, momentarily diverted as she excuses herself politely._

_“Are you okay? You seem… different.”_

_“I’m great!” chirps Rey blithely. “I’ve had a great time.”_

_“Okay,” says Kylo slowly._

_“Well, an interesting one.” She leans in to peer up into his eyes and teeters slightly. Kylo’s hands shoot up reflexively and relax to his sides again when she steadies herself. He flinches as she directs an accusatory finger at him with grim satisfaction._

_“There it is. Eye contact. I knew I was right. It’s always like this. Just like what she said.” Her expression becomes diluted with uncertainty, her hand dropping to her side. “I don’t know if that’s right, though. I think we’re different than everyone else.”_

_“What?” says Kylo in mounting confusion. “Of course we are. What’s wrong with you? What’s happened? Is it the Force? What have you been doing?”_

_“It’s not the Force,” interrupts Rey dismissively. “I’m good at that. It’s that other stuff they were talking about. I kept thinking of you and I know that’s stupid. You don’t have to tell me. It’s not the same thing at all. But it is kind of the same, isn’t it? In a weird way, obviously.”_

_Kylo is beginning to wonder if he is in the middle of a very strange and disturbing dream. Because none of this is making sense._

_“What is the same as what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_

_Rey glares at him in frustration. “Yes, you do. You’re the only one who can tell me. You must know because you’re older than me. And you have all…” She gestures at him expansively, “…this. So you must know.”_

_Kylo is totally derailed now. “Know what?”_

_“The flutter in my tummy that I feel with you,” says Rey earnestly. “Is it the same as when you want to kiss someone? Or is it a different Force thing?”_

_This time he can only breathe a feeble “What?” He watches Rey valiantly attempt to swallow another hiccup and finally at least some of this begins to make some sort of sense._

_“Rey, are you **drunk**?”_

_“I think so,” she admits. “I’ve never been drunk before so I don’t know.” She appears to drift into melancholy for a moment. “Like so much other stuff.” She focuses on him again. “You didn’t answer me.”_

_It occurs to Kylo that this Force connection is lasting longer than usual. Or at least it seems to be._

_“You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re saying. You really should drink some water and get some sleep.”_

_“I don’t want to drink water,” says Rey contrarily. “I’m full up with liquid.” This is evidenced by another hiccup. “And I do know what I’m saying.”_

_Rey’s expression becomes plaintive as she steps forward and Kylo retreats in mild panic, feeling his bed hit the back of his knees._

_“Why won’t you tell me?” asks Rey. “What difference can it make to you? I feel stupid and I hate it. Nobody else can tell me. I couldn’t ask anyone else anyway.”_

_Kylo can’t back up any further so he settles for sitting down heavily on his bed, holding the flap of his towel firmly in place, his knees locked primly together. He attempts a reasonable tone._

_“I don’t really remember what the question is.”_

_He’s beginning to think Rey doesn’t either. She’s looking at him now, her eyes roaming over his chest, his shoulders, his hair, his lips with bleary interest and Kylo is frozen in place, horribly conscious of his mostly naked state and even more horribly conscious of an instinctive rising surge of excitement that renders him light-headed. He feels heat prickling up from his chest and neck to burn in his cheeks and can only hope that the other much more shameful manifestation brought about by the same wave of warmth isn’t visible. It’s unthinkable to draw her attention by glancing down to check. All he dares do is bring his elbows forward to shield his towel with his forearms and frantically will his traitorous body into submission._

_When Rey’s eyes meet his hunted ones again, there’s a glow there he hasn’t seen before._

_“We touched through the Force,” she whispers, leaning forward to fix his blinking stare with her gaze. “Do you think we could kiss?”_

_She can’t be serious._

_She isn’t, she’s drunk, Kylo tells himself through the hammering of his pulse in his ears. But he can’t seem to speak. He can’t even seem to breathe. She’s so close, as if she really is here, her forehead almost brushing off his as he hunches prudishly on the edge of his white coverlet. His eyes involuntarily drop to her lips and then shoot up again to see hers lingering on the contours of his own mouth._

_His lips part in a shudder, desperate for air, shakily sucking it in through his teeth and now she’s looking into his eyes, her own wide with anticipation._

She’s gone.

Kylo jolted upright, his eyes adjusting dazedly on the darkness beyond the viewport that had previously been obscured by Rey’s presence. She was gone and Kylo concentrated on attempting to regulate his short shallow breaths into some sort of functional breathing pattern, to ease the pounding of his heart. He closed his eyes, breathing in deeply through his nose, exhaling through his mouth.

Focus on that. Empty his mind.

_Rey’s face, so close to his, lips opening, eyes wondering and wide._

_What would have happened if the Force connection had continued? Would she have kissed him? Would he have let her?_

Kylo’s eyes popped open. Of course he wouldn’t. Of course not. The very thought was ridiculous. The entire situation was ridiculous. She had taken him by surprise. Anyone would have reacted the way he had to such an unexpected proposition. It was laughable really, and he should be amused that she had behaved the way she did.

He _was_ amused. He didn’t feel it right now exactly, but he knew he must be, somewhere deep down, buried under the shock. His greatest enemy, drunkenly asking him to kiss her. It was unthinkable, bizarre. Why hadn’t he reacted with more scorn, more revulsion? All of which she deserved for exposing her vulnerability so ludicrously.

Kylo’s fingers balled into frustrated fists. He hated himself for sitting so meekly, cowering under her gaze. Like a great dumb idiot. How he had passively let her eyes dwell on his scarred body. Those scars _she_ had given him, disfiguring the frame he had spent years honing into a formidable weapon. He had been proud of his physique before. His impressive height and strength were successful tools he had used to intimidate and punish those who dared to defy him. And she had ruined that, burning her marks into his skin. Constant visible reminders of his own weakness.

But when she looked at him, he hadn’t felt shame under her thoughtful gaze. Because she didn’t look as if she despised him for those scars and burns. It didn’t appear as if they had disgusted her at all. Her eyes had lingered over the contours of his body with interest and when he met her eyes, they were timid and shining as if something new had awoken inside her.

Kylo’s towel twitched in empathy and he groaned in despair. _Go away!_ A fleeting urge to satiate this long-neglected animal need assailed him and he banished it hurriedly, flushing in annoyance. He could never face Rey again with the knowledge that he, Supreme Leader of the First Order, had been reduced to such a sordid act over the mere suggestion of a stupid drunken kiss. His angry eyes roamed the sparse interior of his room, and just as he realised they sought his lightsaber to wreak destruction on his quarters, he quashed that idea too. Any exercise would only serve to exacerbate his already heated blood to boiling point.

Kylo’s shoulders slumped in defeat and hauling himself off his bed, walked into the adjoining refresher. He turned on the fresher, adjusted the settings to cool and after an initial involuntary gasp as the cold water hit his burning skin, stood motionless and silent under the jets until he couldn’t feel anything at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to artwork for this chapter - https://twitter.com/2BrightStars1/status/1329832164972777477/photo/1


	4. The Threat from Beyond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mysterious Threat from Beyond is uncovered and Rey suffers the consequences of her girls’ night. Another Force Connection causes problems for our star-crossed Force users and Kylo receives some unwanted advice from a very unwelcome visitor.

Rey extricated herself from Finn’s bearhug. He noticed her wincing and drew away, looking concerned.

“You okay?”

She nodded and immediately regretted that decision. Was it physically possible to rattle her aching brain from one side of her skull to the other?

“I had a few drinks last night. Alcohol. It’s just a headache.”

His surprised laugh cut through her aching head like a laser. “Rey! With a hangover! How did that happen?”

“I’m not even sure,” Rey mumbled. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“But not now,” he grimaced. “I know. I’ve been there. Don’t worry, you’ll pull through.”

He slung an arm around her shoulders and began to walk her back to the base. Rey caught a glimpse of Rose glancing in their direction as she made for the Falcon to check it out and a memory of the last night’s conversation assailed her. She felt a little sick, or sicker than she already did. No wonder Leia and probably many others assumed she and Finn were a thing (whatever that was).

Chewbacca entered her peripheral vision and she slithered out from under Finn’s arm.

“Gotta speak to Chewie. Ask him about the compressor,” she muttered and left Finn standing in surprise, his arm lowering to his side as she made a beeline for the Wookiee.

“You already did,” he faltered but she was out of earshot. He shook his head as Poe drew up alongside to give him a quizzical look. “Rey got drunk last night. And as it turns out is not very good on a hangover.”

“Who is?” responded Poe reasonably. “Maybe the news we have will perk her up a bit.” He saw Finn’s look. “Okay, bad choice of words, but it might finally get her to leave this place and join the fight.”

He was right. The news Poe imparted once he had managed to gather the leaders of the Resistance under the canopy of one of the larger tents was unsettling enough to wake Rey out of her half-somnolent state. It was unsettling enough to silence the entire company. Intel decoded from the spy in the First Order had revealed evidence of vast fleets and armies hidden in the Unknown Regions.

“They appear to be called the Final Order,” Poe continued. “They’ve been amassing for years. Since before the fall of the Empire.”

“What?” Rose’s voice was shaken. “How is this possible? How have we never heard of this until now?”

“We’ve never had a First Order spy until now,” said Finn.

“But who is this spy?” persisted Rose. “Can we trust them, whoever they are? How do we know any of this is true? Surely it can’t be.” She turned to Leia as many others did and was horrified to see fear there. “General?”

Leia kept her voice level. “Have you any other evidence to back this up?”

Finn reached into his holdall and unwrapped an object with care.

“There’s this.” He laid the object flat on the holodeck. “It’s some sort of dagger. With markings. I was hoping you’d know how to read them.”

Leia stepped closer to examine it. “It looks like a Sith language. I can’t decipher it, but I know someone who possibly might.” She turned and beckoned at the golden droid standing by the entrance of the tent. “Threepio? Can you take a look at this?”

Ce Threepio shuffled forward, the crowd around the holodeck parting to make space for him to pore over the curved blade. He took his time, apparently oblivious of the gathering tension in the room before straightening up.

“I can read it. It is written in the ancient runes of the Sith language.”

“What’s it say?” whispered Rose after an uneasy silence.

“I can’t tell you. My programming forbids it,” said the droid.

“What?!” Poe bellowed. “What do you mean, you can’t? Can’t or won’t?”

“Can’t,” explained Threepio matter-of-factly. “I’m mechanically incapable. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.” He turned to Leia. “And I would want to, for you, dear General. Please accept my humblest apologies.”

Leia waved a weary hand at him. “I know, I know.” She looked over at a fuming Poe. “Don’t. If he says he can’t do it, he can’t. We’ll have to figure out another way.”

“How?” he demanded. “I don’t know how much time we have. We need more information to find that fleet.”

“The fleet.” All heads turned to Kaydel. “I don’t understand. If this fleet has been amassing since the fall of the empire, that’s thirty years. Who’s been doing this? Snoke?”

“I guess so,” shrugged Poe. “Who else? And now that he’s gone, it has to be Kylo Ren.”

Rey couldn’t help but glance at Leia and was sorry she did when the general’s eyes met hers before dropping. She looked tired. Tired and older than she normally did, as if her vast well of energy had suddenly been drained.

“We have to act, before Ren realises we know. We need to figure out how to do this.” Poe looked around for suggestions and Rey listened to the various ideas proposed and deliberated over, wishing that she hadn’t drunk anything the night before. Her mind was still racing to catch up with what everybody was saying, and nothing seemed to be sinking in the way it should. As if her brain refused to take in the dire gravity of the situation they were faced with.

She was never going to drink alcohol ever again. No amount of silly fun or interesting conversation was worth living through a grinding headache like this, constricting around her temples like a vice. Or that horrible feeling that if she moved too suddenly, she might very well disgrace herself by throwing up in the middle of the most important Resistance Command council meeting she had ever sat through.

_Concentrate, Rey._

But she couldn’t seem to focus, only vaguely conscious that whenever Kylo Ren’s name cropped up, an uneasy quiver pitched through her roiling stomach. Something nudged at the back of her mind. A hazy recollection of Kylo Ren. In a towel. His brow furrowed in confusion.

Her eyes widened, her mouth dropped open, and for a dreadful moment she really thought she might actually get sick.

“Unless Rey might have some idea?”

She looked up, to see faces turning expectantly towards her, the echo of Poe’s words filtering through her mind. She gulped manfully.

“Sorry, what?” She noticed Rose darting a sympathetic look in her direction.

“When you were on the Supremacy?” asked Poe with forced patience. “Did you see or hear anything that might give us a clue?” He saw her looking blankly at him and tried again. “Did Snoke say anything?”

“No,” said Rey. “Sorry.”

The rest of the meeting passed in a blur. As far as she could gather, no clear path forward was resolved and she contributed nothing at all, immersed in her own private hell. A hell of her own making, she thought, with a sinking sensation in her stomach. A fleeting memory of Kylo’s dumbfounded eyes so close to hers struck her and then that sinking feeling solidified into something much more forceful, like a sudden blow to the gut. A cold sweat broke out on her forehead as she remembered what seemed unthinkable right now.

_That had to have been a dream. Or a nightmare. It had to be._

It wasn’t any better after she finally climbed the tree to reach the solitude of her tent, where there was no distraction from the onslaught of recollections.

_She had asked Kylo Ren if he wanted to kiss her._

The Supreme Leader of the First Order, who was amassing innumerable legions in the Unknown Regions to crush the Resistance, her friends, and the galaxy as a whole either out of existence or into submission. Kylo Ren who would gladly have her his prisoner or dead by his lightsaber. What had she been thinking? How could she have said those words? How _had_ she said those words? Slurred probably as she stumbled about drunkenly in front of him.

She was also in possession of what appeared to be total recall of every mole, freckle and scar on his ridiculously impressive chest which could only mean that she had enjoyed a thoroughly good stare, somewhere mid-stumble.

An elongated wail of despair broke from her and she pressed her hands over her eyes, as if by doing so she could somehow unsee what she had seen, her whole body curling up in scalding anguish. But over and over again, as if it took a spiteful pleasure in torturing her, her mind threw up image after image of Kylo Ren’s face in increasing states of shock, bewilderment, and unease. How could she ever face him again? Her only hope lay in the almost equally upsetting notion that she had disgusted him so absolutely that he would have the decency to ignore her too.

_And now he is here._

_She freezes, her eyes popping open behind her hands. Why does the Force hate her so much? What has she ever done to it? Maybe if she stays really still, he’ll think she’s asleep. She spreads her fingers minutely, peeking between them to check if he has his back turned. He doesn’t. He’s standing a little distance away, fully dressed (thankfully), his arms hanging by his sides, looking at her. He frowns, ducking his head for a closer look and then stands up straight, his hands twitching into loose fists._

_“I know you’re awake,” he says softly._

_She slides her hands down, meeting his eyes apprehensively._

_He grimaces. “I did tell you to drink water.”_

_Rey struggles to sit up, looking away. “What do you want?”_

_“Okay…” He pauses. “I wish you would stop inferring that I am here by choice, but seeing as I am here, I’ve a message for the Resistance you can deliver for me.”_

_Rey’s eyes shoot back to him, and she knows he relishes the unease he sees in them._

_“If they are waiting for any more communications from their informant, they will be severely disappointed.”_

_“What?” Rey is too shaken to gather her thoughts coherently. This is a trap. She won’t betray the Resistance._

_“Should I say it slower?” Kylo drags the words out, his voice maddeningly patient as if he is speaking to a small child. “Having difficulty concentrating with a hangover, Rey? Or drunk again? At least you have something in common with your parents.”_

_That stings. “I wasn’t drunk!” she snaps back and then instantly regrets her words._

_Because whatever reason she could cling to that might excuse her recent insane behaviour she should hang onto as tightly as possible. Exaggerate it even. She fully expects his smirk to widen but is surprised to see his eyebrows lower, his full lips tighten into a hard line, his dark eyes spark in fury._

_“What was that then? Some stupid game? To throw me off so I wouldn’t know what you had just done? You must think I’m an idiot.”_

_“What?” is all Rey can think to say._

_“You choose my father’s old heap of junk to fly your mission and you think I won’t know it’s you? Who else could it possibly be?” he snarls and sees her flinch. “Yes, I know what you know, and I also know what you don’t know. You have no idea where the Final Order is, and you don’t even know where to start looking. I know this because the spy you were working with didn’t know. Before my knights killed him.”_

_Rey can only stare at him, tired eyes watering, tired brain trying to make sense of all the I knows, don’t knows, and you knows in his tirade. She can’t seem to wrap her head around it, too appalled by his sneering delivery to comprehend the import of his words._

_He moves a little closer. “What you don’t know is that I would have told you anyway. And maybe a lot more. I was going to, before you put on that little show. That ridiculous seduction attempt or whatever it was supposed to be. Actually, I’m glad you did it. At least I know exactly what you are now.”_

_Now Rey is feeling anger of her own, rising up out of her shame._

_“I was not trying to… to do **that**!” She is horrified to find that her voice is hitching, her throat constricting. Tears threaten to spring from her eyes, and she blinks furiously, desperate to keep them at bay._

_This seems to incense him even more._

_“Don’t cry at me!” he shouts. “That won’t work anymore. Not after what you did. What did you think would happen? That I would want to kiss a dirty little scavenger? And be so grateful for the opportunity that I’d tell her all my secrets?” A mirthless laugh escapes him, and he looks around at anything but her._

_“What did you tell them? Poe Dameron and that turncoat Stormtrooper? Did you tell them everything that happened? Or were they there the whole time? Sniggering? Did you all sit around and have a good laugh afterwards?”_

_His fulminating glance lights on her and his expression crumbles, his outburst stuttering to a halt. She’s staring at him in disbelief, tears drying on her cheeks and he, in turn, can’t believe he has let his hurt burst free like that. To voice itself in front of her. So violently. So stupidly._

_Their eyes lock for what seems like a horrible eternity, chests rising and falling with suppressed emotion, ragged breaths echoing in the stillness until the Force separates them once more._

Kylo howled in frustration, slamming his fist into the wall beside him. He shut his eyes, hearing his breath escape him in a loud shudder and then he was hammering his fist into the wall, over and over, the blinding pain in his knuckles shooting darts of savage release through him.

_“There has to be an easier way to renovate.”_

Kylo turned in slow dread to see his former master surrounded by a glowing nimbus of blue light, seated calmly on his bed. This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t. He had to be imagining it.

Luke Skywalker spread his hands. _“I told you I’d see you around. Here I am.”_ He looked down at Kylo’s right fist cradled in his other hand. _“Be careful with that, you don’t want to end up like me. Or your grandfather.”_

Kylo’s eyes darted to Luke’s hands and then back up disbelievingly to his face.

_"Yes, I’m whole again. I must admit, it’s taking a bit of getting used to.”_ Luke saw Kylo’s glance flit to where his lightsaber lay beside him on the nightstand. _“I wouldn’t bother. It will be as useless to you as it was before.”_

“I killed you!” shouted Kylo, his mouth quivering.

_“No,”_ said Luke patiently. _“I was never going to let that happen. You have enough blood on your hands already. And I have enough on my conscience.”_

Kylo glowered wrathfully at him through eyes misting over with tears of pain from his throbbing hand.

_“I failed you, Ben. I know it. It was a moment of weakness. Of fear. You, of all people, know what madness fear will drive someone to. You can blame me, if you need to. But don’t rest that blame solely on me. You have made decisions all on your own. You know you have to deal with the consequences of that, as do I. As does Rey. I told her not to go to you. I didn’t trust her, just like I didn’t trust you.”_

Kylo blinked at Rey’s name, but refused to be derailed. “You lost. She came. She helped me defeat Snoke. Now I am Supreme Leader and I have more power than he ever had. Than _you_ ever had.”

_“You do? Where is Rey now? She travelled across the galaxy to find you. I don’t see her,”_ said Luke, casting his eye around the room airily.

Kylo gritted his teeth. “I don’t need her. She served her purpose.”

_“I see. And what’s going to happen when you see her again? Do you plan to kill her like everyone else who’s crossed you?”_ Luke smiled grimly. _“Believe me, she won’t make that easy.”_

“She made her decision. She can die knowing it was the wrong one.”

Luke shook his head on a little laugh.

_“Oh, Ben. Either you are very stupid or as innocent as she is.”_ His hand swept Kylo’s spacious pristine chamber in a broad gesture. _“And for all this, I think perhaps you are.”_

His blue eyes narrowed as he surveyed his nephew. _“Why do you think I’m here?”_

Kylo snorted. “I don’t know! I don’t _care_.”

_“You should. And you will. It’s the bond you have with Rey. It’s more unusual than you think. Something that was thought to be a myth for countless generations.”_ Luke saw Kylo flinch, his expression become more guarded.

_“Snoke did not create the connection you have. You are a dyad. Two individuals who are one in the Force. It’s how you can communicate across time and space. It’s why you are so powerful when you’re together. Why you feel the need to be together.”_

Kylo felt his stomach drop, the floor shift beneath his feet. His life recently seemed to be divorced from reality, a series of improbable dreams, this one infinitely more horrible than the last.

_“The flutter in my tummy that I feel with you,” Rey had said earnestly. “Is it the same as when you want to kiss someone? Or is it a different Force thing?”_

He had the answer now, for both of them. He heard himself speak, in a voice that sounded oddly deflated. “You’re lying.”

_“You know I’m not.”_

Kylo drew a breath. “Does she know any of this?”

Luke shook his head. _“No. But you must tell her. A dyad is a very rare occurrence. It was created for a reason. So the two of you can work together to heal a rift in the Force. To bring balance.”_

Kylo stared at him. “We can’t do that.” He was ashamed to hear his voice falter. “ _She_ won’t do that.”

_“Then it’s up to you to convince her. It’s more important than you know. This is bigger than both of you.”_ Luke paused, his smile a little wistful. _“Ben. There’s something else you need to know. The prophecies say that once a dyad is formed, one cannot exist without the other. You need to keep each other safe until you do what needs to be done.”_

He saw Kylo’s head rear back, his eyes widening and waited composedly for his response.

“Why are you telling me this? Why aren’t you talking to Rey? I’m sure she’d appreciate it more,” was all Kylo said.

Luke chuckled wryly. _“I’m not so sure of that.”_ His voice grew gentle. _“You are my nephew, Ben. I should have listened to you before I acted once upon a time. Now I’m asking the same from you. Listen to me.”_

And then under Kylo’s hostile gaze he faded from view.

Kylo remained motionless for a long moment before yanking off his glove, blowing on the back of his hand to cool the heat emanating from his knuckles. Anger still coursed through him from the mere sight of his uncle, never mind everything he had told him.

Because much as he didn’t want to believe him, he knew that there had been a small part of him that had refused to acknowledge Snoke had created the bond between Rey and him.

Something had happened when he had interrogated her on Starkiller Base that frightened them both. As if something had unlocked, letting her in, letting him in. She had seen his darkest fears, his deepest hidden hopes just as he had seen hers. A nobody, a scavenger brat had invaded his mind and sifted through it as if she had every right to do so.

Except she wasn’t just any scavenger brat. He knew that now. Just like him, she had her own legacy she was powerless to escape from. He drew a shaking breath, horribly conscious of a tell-tale sting pinching the end of his nose, a film clouding his vision. Underneath the rage, something else simmered beneath the surface that he didn’t want to acknowledge.

Snoke might not have formed the bond between he and Rey, but the Force had. Once again, Kylo was the pawn of something greater than he was, a plaything in a larger game. His own feelings and needs and choices were as negligible as they ever were. The burden of his birthright refused to die despite every effort, every sacrifice he had made.

Kylo’s hands clapped over his face, stifling his impotent sobs as he finally gave way to the misery that coiled around him, suffocating him.

He would never be free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bear with me, there will be some similarities (plotwise) to TROS in the first number of chapters before it turns into a very, very different story.
> 
> And I had to include an appearance from Uncle Luke! Something I sorely missed in TROS.


	5. The Dagger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance plot their next move and Rey confides in Leia after she finds herself at odds with her friends. Meanwhile, Kylo consults with a voice from the past and is shocked by information he receives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bear with me. This is still running along similar lines to TROS but it will start to change course soon!

_Rey is on Jakku. It is morning. A pink sunrise lights up the sky behind the dunes and Rey leans back against the AT-AT walker’s foot, feeling the familiar iron ridges hard against her spine. Soft sounds of stealthy feet sinking into sand alert her to a presence behind her. She knows she’s dreaming. She’s dreamt this dream a thousand times, but that does not prevent dread scrunching into a tight ball in her stomach. She pulls herself quietly to her feet to tiptoe lightly around the fallen walker._

_A figure stands before her, his back turned and even as she feels relief, the knot in her stomach remains clenched and taut. He is standing too still, looking out over the horizon. But at least she has given this figure a face she knows now. At least for a little while._

_“Finn?” she whispers. “Finn, it’s me! It’s Rey!”_

_He turns then, the smile she knows breaking over his face._

_“Rey!”_

_“Finn!” she gasps, running towards him._

_He opens his arms and she flings herself into them, tears pricking her eyelids. She squeezes her eyes shut, breathing in the warm earthy leather of his jacket. If she holds on tight enough, he could stay._

_“Oh Finn, I thought you were someone else!”_

_“I am.”_

_And the smooth leather is now rougher, cooler, cushiony under her cheek and soft tendrils of hair whip against her forehead. She knows who it is before raising her head, even though she tries so very hard to forget the end of this dream every time. She tries to move away like she always does, but she can’t, trapped against a body that grows taller and broader before her, long arms tightening around her waist._

_Dark eyes gaze down into hers, watching realisation sweep through her._

_“You know who I am. And I know who you are.”_

It was a lie people told themselves that things always seemed better in the morning. Or at least so it seemed to Rey, heavy-headed from disturbed sleep as she picked her way through tech modules and clusters of eerily quiet Resistance fighters to get to the mess tables. The sombre air in the encampment that had descended upon hearing about the existence of the Final Order had not lifted with the rising of the sun over Ajan Kloss.

There had been a time when just to hear the breeze rustle the leaves overhead, to feel dewy grass underfoot would have been enough to bring cheer to Rey’s heart, but that seemed like a lifetime ago now. And although the grim physical effects of her hangover had cleared, the vestiges of dull dread remained, compounding her anxiety over the dire circumstances the Resistance found themselves in.

The latter weighed heavier on her mind on this day than it had the previous one. They hadn’t nearly enough troops to combat the First Order as it was, without the addition of the Final Order, even after a year of campaigning and recruiting. The burst of support that had swept through the galaxy after Luke’s last stand had all but dried up due to the intimidatory tactics of the First Order. It was understandable, however painful it was to witness.

Other people had a lot more to lose than Rey did, she had to remind herself. For them, to be alive and surrounded by their loved ones under First Order rule was understandably a much more agreeable alternative than the proposition of a violent lonely death on a distant planet. Not everybody was chosen by the Force to change the fate of the galaxy after all.

“Rey!”

Finn’s shout broke through her sombre thoughts and she gladly abandoned them to join him at the mess table. She squeezed in between Rose and Chewie, who grunted a gentle welcome. Rey smiled up at him, inexplicably heartened by the sheer furry scale of him.

“You’re gonna like this,” said Poe from across the table. “I figured out how to translate the Sith inscription.”

Rey’s eyes widened. “You did? How? What does it say?”

“Hold your fire.” Poe held up a hand. “I don’t know yet. But I know somebody who may be able to help us with that. A droidsmith on Kijimi.”

“A droidsmith?” Rey brow crinkled. “What do we need a droidsmith for?”

“Threepio,” said Poe, leaning back exultantly. “Threepio can read it, he’s just not able to translate it for us. But it’s all still up there.” He tapped his own temple. “Threepio is the key to all this. The right droidsmith with the right tech can override his memory bank. And Babu Frik is the best there is.”

“Has this Babu Frik done anything like this before?”

“There’s nothing Babu Frik hasn’t done before when it comes to droids,” said Poe confidently.

“Hang on, has anyone actually spoken to Threepio about this?” asked Rose.

Poe looked uneasily at Finn. “Not… yet. We were thinking it might be better coming from Leia. Or you, Chewie.”

Chewie threw his head back and roared.

Poe raised both hands this time. “Alright, alright. I get it. I get it. I can do it.” He glanced at Rey, who was looking at the object on the table in front of him as if she were seeing it for the first time. “You okay?”

She looked up; brow furrowed. “Yeah. Sorry, there’s something. I didn’t make the connection before, but I think there’s something like this in the Jedi texts. I could be wrong, but it does seem familiar.”

“Find it,” said Poe. “We’re going to run this past General Organa, but that won’t take long. We need to move and I’d rather you were with us this time.” He saw Rey baulk and continued quickly. “It’s time you were out in the field. You’re a Jedi, Rey. The only Jedi there is. We need you out there.”

Finn’s eyes dropped from Rey’s. No support there.

“I’m not ready,” she said. “I’m not finished my training.”

Poe shook his head in exasperation. “ _This_ is what you’ve been training for. Right now. What more does it have to take for you to realise that?”

Rey got up and looked around at the assembled faces turned in her direction, unaccountably angry at the expectation she saw there.

“We’ll see,” she said shortly and left to dig out the Jedi books in her treehouse.

She had almost reached her destination before she heard the thud of running footsteps behind her and turned to see Finn coming to a halt.

“Thanks for backing me up.”

“He’s right, Rey. You know he is,” said Finn reasonably. “Maybe he didn’t phrase it as well as he could have -”

_“He_ doesn’t get to order me around,” snapped Rey. “He is not my master. He isn’t Luke Skywalker. Or Leia.”

Finn backed up a little. “I know, I know. Nobody said he was.” He sighed. “We’re all feeling the strain here, Rey. Not just you. Poe’s thinking about everybody here. He’s just not terribly diplomatic about how he phrases things.”

“Seriously? Do you think I’m mad because of the way he said what he did? I’m not.” Rey’s jaw clenched mutinously before relaxing a fraction. “Well, maybe I am. A little. But that’s not it. He doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about. He doesn’t know how much training I need or what I’m up against. I need to be ready.”

Finn nodded solemnly, his brown eyes apprehensive. “For Kylo Ren.”

Frustrated tears prickled through her irritation. “Yes.”

Finn gripped her shoulder, holding her gaze unwaveringly.

“You will be ready. You _are_ ready. The next time you meet that monster, he’s a goner.”

Rey couldn’t answer him. Couldn’t _look_ at him. She swung around, marching away from her tent, ignoring her name on his surprised lips. He repeated it louder and this time she did turn.

“I’m going to the refresher!” she shouted, startling a nearby tech worker into dropping a prybar heavily on his foot. “Gonna follow me there too?”

Finn stopped in his tracks, trying to disguise his discomfort behind a nonchalant grin at the hapless technician. He glanced around to see Rose looking away hurriedly.

He caught up with her as she made for the Millennium Falcon.

“She’s just under pressure,” he said in an excusatory tone.

Rose looked round at him. “I know. I don’t think any of us know what it must be like to be her.”

“I’m trying. She won’t let me help her.”

She smiled. “I don’t think it’s as simple as that. All of us came into this with our own stuff. It’s not always easy to get space to figure it all out when we’re here living on top of each other, I guess. And she was alone for a long time.”

“So you think she needs space.”

“I don’t know, Finn. It does seem to be what she was implying though. Everything will go back to normal soon enough. Whatever that is.”

Finn sighed, following Rose up the boarding ramp, and took a seat in the cockpit, watching her capable little fingers busy at work in companionable silence.

“Do you think the Falcon’s ready to go?”

“Not sure yet. Hang on…” She threw Finn an accusatory look. “Did you guys reengage the compressor to lightskip the last time you were out?”

“Maybe,” said Finn with an apologetic grimace. “Why? Did it do much damage?”

“Let’s hope not. That hyperdrive’s barely hanging in there as it is,” she replied. “This might need more than one pair of hands.”

“I can help,” said Finn. He eyed her warily for a moment as she turned to look at him in surprise. “Unless… _you_ need space to figure stuff out or something?”

Rose shook her head, hiding a smile. “Nope. Not right now. Thanks, that’d be great.”

Finn leaned in to peer at what looked to be a very complicated mess of wires and levers and other… mechanical stuff.

He grimaced. “Okay. But when I say I can help, what I mean is you’re gonna have to tell me exactly what to do.”

Rose grinned. “I’m okay with that.”

Finn moved a little closer as she explained what she needed him to do. Nodding knowledgably when she paused for a moment. He didn’t even mind that she giggled when she asked him to repeat her instructions and he got them backwards.

It had been some time since he had spent any time with Rose. He had almost forgotten how nice that was.

Rey felt thoroughly ashamed of herself after a hearty bout of tears. She had been ashamed even as the words left her lips but the urgency of the sudden need to sob her heart out had superseded everything else.

_Poor Finn! How could she?_

She would apologise just as soon as she found that reference to a dagger she could vaguely recall was somewhere in this particular tome. She should do it right now, but she didn’t dare for fear of bringing on yet another strange flood of emotion.

What was wrong with her lately? Her moods were all over the place. Although if she thought about it, the trigger for all this emotional upheaval could be traced back to the revival of her communications with _him_.

_No. Don’t think about him._

She flipped through the pages as quickly as she could, careful not to damage the delicate ancient leaves. Somewhere around here… Yes! There it was! She narrowed her eyes to examine the intricate illustration. It wasn’t exactly the same perhaps, but close enough.

All caution forgotten, she scrambled up, slamming the book against her chest to keep it open and hastened to Leia’s quarters.

Leia pored over the illustration, comparing it to the dagger in her hand. She had enlisted Beaumont Kin to aid them in their discussion as he was almost as well-versed in Sith culture as he was the Jedi’s. She glanced over at him and he shook his head infinitesimally.

Poe watched them both tensely. “So is it not the same?”

“No,” said Leia. She flicked down a hidden compartment in the dagger, bringing down a slender jagged blade. “But I think it has the same significance. It’s a map. Or a key to a map. Only we don’t know the location it points to until we decipher the Sith inscription.”

Poe groaned in frustration. “So we’re back where we started. Again.”

“No, we’re not,” said Rey. She pointed to the page lying open. “Here. This is where the daggers lead us. Luke had been researching the lore of the Sith. He’s written about a planet in the unknown regions. Exegol.”

“Exegol,” said Beaumont Kin, who sat beside Leia. “I thought that was just a legend. It’s real?”

Rey nodded. “Luke Skywalker believed so.”

“That’s incredible,” he said, leaning over to study the text more closely.

“So we go straight to Exegol,” said Poe triumphantly. “We don’t need the key, or the map, or whatever this is.” He looked from Leia to Rey and then his tone became uncertain. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Exegol isn’t on any star chart. Nobody knows where it is,” said Leia. “We need that translation.”

Poe nodded, fighting back his disappointment. “We’ll set off for Kijimi as soon as Rose is finished checking over the Falcon.”

“Better bring her with you,” recommended Leia. A wry smile lifted her lips. “You might need her. I’ve been on too many jaunts on that old freighter to know it isn’t always the most reliable of ships.”

Rey lingered after Poe and Beaumont left, closing her book carefully and folding the sliding compartment back into the dagger. Leia regarded her wisely and waited, but when Rey couldn’t seem to bring herself to speak, she broke the silence herself.

“Something you want to tell me?”

Rey looked up at her hesitantly. “I think I should. I didn’t know how to tell Poe. I don’t know how to tell _you_.”

Leia readied herself, folding her hands together. “Start at the beginning. That usually works.”

Rey drew a breath. “Kylo Ren killed the First Order spy.” She saw Leia start and added as if it would somehow soften the blow; “His knights killed him, I mean.”

“That started at the end, rather than the beginning.” Leia noted and then rallied. “How do you know this? Are you connecting again?”

Rey’s eyes dropped. “Yes,” she admitted. “The connections didn’t exactly… stop. We just weren’t speaking. Until very recently.” She forced herself to glance back up at Leia. “I don’t know how to tell Poe how I got this information. Or Finn. Or anyone.”

Leia looked at her curiously. “You haven’t told anyone else about the Force bond? Not even Finn?”

Rey flushed uncomfortably. “They wouldn’t understand. I couldn’t.”

“Rey, they are your friends. And none of this is your fault. Or your doing.” Leia’s eyes were kind. “You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

Rey had a momentary flash of Kylo Ren’s shocked face as he sat hunched over in his towel and dispelled it hastily, her face burning hotter.

“I can’t tell them I went to the Supremacy to bring Kylo home, not to face Snoke! They’d never understand. They don’t know him like I do.” She trailed off. “Did.”

“Like I do,” nodded Leia. She patted Rey’s hand. “I still think you can trust them with this, but I’ll respect whatever decision you make. Don’t worry. I can find another reason we could have come by this intel. Did Ben say how he was going to act on this?”

“No,” said Rey. “I’m not sure he will. He didn’t mention the dagger. He didn’t seem bothered that we knew about the Final Order at all.”

Leia hesitated, her expression a little pensive. “How is he?”

Rey decided honesty was her best policy.

“Angry. He thought I had been on the mission to recover the intel. He knew the Falcon was involved.” She paused, finding her next words more difficult to impart.

“He said he would have told me. About the Final Order. I think he was telling the truth. He’d been trying to tell me something before. But I think he would only have told me to bring me over to his side. The Dark Side.”

Leia frowned and Rey watched her apprehensively until she spoke again. This time her tone was more decisive.

“This connection you have. This bond. We should use it.” She saw the shock on Rey’s face and smiled sadly. “I know. It sounds ruthless. Particularly coming from me. But this is war. And we are on the right side. And Ben still wants you on his side. He’s only angry because he thinks you deceived him. We need to use everything and anything we can get to our advantage.”

She saw Rey open her mouth to protest and pressed on. “Don’t antagonise him. Find out what you can.”

“I can’t do that!” exclaimed Rey, repulsed. She felt sick. Whether this was because she couldn’t quite believe his own mother would use him as a pawn in her own game or because she had no desire to speak to Kylo Ren ever again she didn’t have time to consider.

“Yes,” said Leia. “You can. He’s told you this much already. He still wants to trust you. It’s never too late.”

Rey couldn’t bring herself to answer her and Leia’s eyes grew pained.

“He held out for so long. When he was just a little boy, I could feel the Dark Side pulling him, trying to extinguish the light inside him. I could sense it even before he was born. It only intensified as he grew older, more powerful. It was tearing him apart. It was Snoke but I didn’t know it then. I didn’t understand it and I was afraid. That’s when I sent him to Luke. It was a mistake. He thought I’d given up on him. That’s why he couldn’t turn to me after what he did.” Her voice quavered. “At the temple.”

Rey swallowed, unable to bear the sorrow she saw in Leia’s eyes, unable to grasp just how horrific her child’s life had been.

“Did Luke tell you happened? What really happened?”

Leia shook her head. “He didn’t have to. I knew his part in it.” She saw Rey’s eyes widen. “Luke and I had a connection. Not like yours with Ben. But I could feel his despair that night. I knew what he had done. And I could feel his shame afterwards, as if it were my own to bear.” Leia paused for a moment.

“Ben was only a little older than you when that happened. And he had struggled against the darkness his entire life. It was that act that finally tipped the balance. I know there’s still conflict there. Yes, I’m asking you to spy on my own son. But I’m also asking you to offer the hope I failed to give him.”

Rey nodded, but there was a horrible feeling niggling at the back of her mind that refused to stay quiet. She had betrayed Kylo’s trust and even though she knew every reason that shouldn’t matter, it did. His secrets were not hidden anymore. She hadn’t kept them safe and now they were to be used against him.

Kylo stood in silent contemplation in front of the ruined mask of Darth Vader, bracing himself before donning his helmet. It was another moment before he reached out to rest his gloved palm on the twisted surface. His eyes closed under his visor, his warm exhalation condensing on the cool metal against his lips.

“Grandfather,” he intoned softly. The cracks in his helmet burned brighter, a red glow staining the darkness under Kylo’s eyelids.

“ _It has been too long_.”

The deep metallic voice reverberated in his mind. The statement sounded more rebuke than regret. Kylo bowed his head, feeling the awareness scour his thoughts and damped down his emotions as thoroughly as he could.

“ _You haven’t been successful in your efforts.”_

“I need more time,” said Kylo through gritted teeth.

“ _You’ve had enough. Your unwillingness to use the information I have given you demonstrates how unready you are to assume control of all I offer.”_

“I am ready,” he insisted. “She is not. I need to choose my moment.”

_“Make her ready. I have shown you how this can be done. Your hesitation speaks of doubt. Of weakness.”_ A taunting note seeped into the voice. _“Your compassion is futile. It won’t save her. It will only bring about what you fear most. Let me show you.”_

Kylo’s fingers clenched on the helmet, his breath catching under his mask.

_Sparks of light pierce the darkness, misting into dim shapes under a dark sky. A solitary figure in white lies motionless on barren rocky ground._

_Rey._

_Kylo’s stomach tightens in dread. It’s not too late. It can’t be._

_He stumbles forward, desperate to reach her but his legs don’t want to run. They buckle and give way, and he falls heavily onto aching knees. It takes all the strength he has left to crawl forward, to look into her face. Her eyes are open and relief shudders from his bruised body as he collapses beside her, his fingers reaching out to touch her face._

_She doesn’t look back at him and his heart stutters, his world falling away. Her eyes are wide, unseeing. No breath stirs the air between them from her parted lips. Kylo’s grief wells up inside him, too awful, too monstrous to bear. He can’t look away, can’t leave her._

_His head sinks to the ground beside hers, his fingers closing over her icy little hand. If there is any way those eyes can still see, he needs her to know she’s not alone. That he is here with her until the end._

_“This is her destiny if you do not prevail.”_

Kylo released the helmet and stepped backwards, his fingers fumbling with the catches to free himself from his own mask. He flung it aside, dimly hearing it clatter over the hard floor as he struggled to breathe. Staring into the brightness of his white room, blinking to adjust, desperate for familiar sights to force out the nightmare imprinted in his mind.

It didn’t work.

Everywhere he looked she was there, her blind eyes, her breathless body as silent and cold as the depths of space outside his viewport.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Rey and Kylo interactions in the next one. Also Rose gets to go on the adventure, yay!


	6. Kijimi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Force Connection with unexpected results disrupts the Resistance’s mission to uncover the truth about the Sith Dagger and Rey is forced into an uncomfortable confession.

Kijimi was cold, breath-catchingly cold, with an icy wind that whipped dry snow into powdery drifts and pinched the noses and chins of its visitors. This sort of frosty bitter cold was something a Jakku native could never quite get used to, and even inside the subterranean vaults of Babu Frik’s workshop Rey shivered in the depths of her bulky coat. Pulling the collar up over her stinging nose as she watched the tiny alien linking Ce Threepio’s circuits to his machines.

“I must be malfunctioning,” twittered the droid fretfully. “I can’t believe I agreed to this.”

Rey exchanged a glance with Rose who was looking every bit as uncomfortable as she was. It was horribly ghoulish to watch the miniscule droidsmith dismantling the back of Ce Threepio’s head and she couldn’t help but feel a surge of pity for the golden droid. They badly needed this to work and yet it seemed horribly inhumane (or whatever adjective was appropriate for a droid) to allow a stranger to pull apart the casings around Threepio’s circuits and tinker with the contents inside so gleefully. Poe might have vouched for Babu Frik, but she couldn’t help but feel his associate’s oddly cheery attitude was somewhat incongruously gruesome under the circumstances.

She stepped forward, hunkering down to his level as he struggled to connect wires into sockets almost as big as he was.

“Babu Frik?” she ventured. “Are you sure you can help us?”

A stream of unintelligible noises answered her, and she caught Finn’s eye. He shrugged helplessly. She got up.

“Poe, are you absolutely certain this is going to work?”

“Mm hm,” nodded Poe. “He said he’s found Threepio’s forbidden memory bank.” He listened as the alien continued his monologue and seemed to have difficulty imparting the rest of his speech.

“Okay, what was that?” said Rose warily. “What did he say?”

Poe grimaced, his eyes on Threepio. “He can do it. But if he does, it’ll wipe out Threepio’s memory banks. All of them.”

“What? Completely wiped?” Ce Threepio jerked back as the rest of the company looked at each other in consternation. His ensuing protests were eclipsed by Chewbacca’s wail.

“Is there no other way?” interrupted Finn. He turned to the droid. “What about Artoo? Doesn’t he back up your memory?”

“Please!” Ce Threepio protested. “Don’t believe everything that astromech says. Artoo Detoo’s storage units are famously unreliable.”

“We can’t make this decision for him,” said Rose in a rush, and looked defensive as the others turned to her. “We can’t! This has to be Threepio’s decision. Not ours.”

“She’s right,” said Finn, and was rewarded with a grateful glance from Rose. “You know she is, Poe.”

Poe gave him a tense shake of his head. “Hey, I’m not fighting you on this.”

Ce Threepio presented an appearance as touched and surprised as was possible for an expressionless metal visage to look. He looked around at their sympathetic faces for a long moment before coming to a decision. “I have calculated the odds. As I see it if I don’t do this, there is a ninety-nine point nine, nine percent probability we will never find Exegol. I know the odds better than anyone. This is what needs to be done.”

“Threepio…” whispered Rose.

Rey put her arm around her shoulders, needing the comfort as much as seeking to offer it as they watched Babu Frik finish his preparations.

“Supreme Leader.”

Kylo Ren turned, his eyes lighting on General Hux who stopped short under his baleful gaze. “What is it?”

“The Knights of Ren have picked up a transmission. The whereabouts of the scavenger. The Millennium Falcon has been spotted on Kijimi by our troops on the ground.” Hux’s smirk faded as Kylo’s face hardened. “Shall I order a strike?”

“No,” said Kylo. “I’ll go there myself.” He swung around and then turned back, slower this time. “Why have the Knights not reported this directly to me?”

Hux’s obsequious mask slipped momentarily into confusion. “I don’t know, Sir. I told you as soon as I heard.”

He manfully endured Kylo’s glare and then subsided in relief as the Supreme Leader turned on his heel and swept away.

Dramatic bastard.

Unbeknownst to him, the Supreme Leader was also experiencing his own measure of relief. The sight of Rey’s body had continued to haunt him, causing a sleepless night with no respite of a Force connection to alleviate his stupid gnawing concern that something had happened to her. It was a ridiculous notion, he told himself. He would know. He would have sensed it. They were a dyad in the Force. What affected one affected the other. Luke had made that perfectly clear. So if they were indeed a dyad, wouldn’t he be dead also?

All the same he would be glad of the opportunity to be absolutely indisputably assured of her continued presence in the galaxy. Although he couldn’t help but have certain reservations about how he would feel during his next confrontation with Rey. Or how he would handle it. Because shocking as his vision of Rey’s death had been, he had been more disturbed by his own reaction to it. Both within the vision and later, in its aftermath.

Kylo made a brief demand over his comlink, alerting his flight technician to ready his Tie Whisper and hastened to the turbolift for the docking station. But before he reached it he felt a familiar hush envelop him and looked around, heady relief battling with annoyance that he was inconveniently caught in a busy public corridor by the Force. He dived for the nearest doorway, scattering surprised First Order personnel to find himself in the cramped confines of a supply closet.

_Kriff!_

_Rey turns, very much alive, her eyes meeting his for the briefest instant before glancing around. After a moment’s hesitation she walks forward, head down, and stops a little way away before looking up at him._

_“I can’t do this now,” she says in a charged whisper. “I’m not alone.”_

_Her truculence dissipates any lingering worry in Kylo’s mind. His gaze takes in her heavy coat, her pink-tipped nose._

_“Is it cold on Kijimi?” he asks and gets a certain grim satisfaction from her nervous start. “Yes, I know where you are.”_

_“It doesn’t matter,” she whispers, recovering herself. “We’re leaving now.”_

_He’s conscious of a prick of disappointment and takes care not to let it show. “I need to talk to you. There’s something you have to know.”_

_Her brow creases. “I already know. Remember?”_

_“Not that. This is something else.” He stops as she looks away abruptly._

_“I’m just looking at these… this equipment. In case there’s anything we need,” she says loudly over her shoulder and then edges forward until she’s right in front of him._

_Kylo feels his muscles tense, the tiny closet space appearing to shrink in size. When she looks up again, she appears as uncomfortable with his proximity as he is with hers._

_“I’m hiding around a corner,” she explains. “Don’t panic. This isn’t an attempt to seduce you. Just so we’re clear.”_

_Kylo nods wordlessly. He’s strangely warmed, despite her defiant glare, that she wants these connections to be private. Their own secret, something only they know._

_Rey waits for a cutting response and not receiving one, tilts her head, surprised by his passivity._

_“I’ve found out something,” says Kylo. “About us. What we are and why we can do this. But you should hear it face to face.”_

_“I know what this is. It’s a Force bond. I’ve read about it. It’s not that special. And we **are** face to face,” Rey reminds him. _

_Kylo doesn’t like the way she says this. At all. He can feel anger building, but he resolutely forces it down. She needs to hear this and he doesn’t have time to argue with her or try to sway her into a more accommodating frame of mind. He can’t let her side-track him again. Better to rip off the bacta patch and get it over with._

_“It’s not just a Force bond. If you have read about it you know this. What we have is so much more than what any other bonded Force users have ever had. We’re a dyad in the Force. We need to work together. To bring balance.”_

_Now Rey really is surprised. So surprised that she doesn’t even demand to know what a dyad means. “_

_Balance? Since when have you wanted that?” She shakes her head as if to clear it. “I don’t believe you.”_

_“Then believe the source,” said Kylo. He’s whispering now too, as if his voice can somehow alert her companions to his presence. “Believe Luke Skywalker.”_

_He sees her move back and steps forward, narrowly avoiding bumping his head on a shelf bearing cleaning equipment._

_“You’re lying!” she hisses._

_“That’s what I said. But it’s true.” Kylo hesitates. “It was the Force that created this. You and I. Not Snoke.”_

_He can hear her breathe, quiet and suppressed and has a sudden irresistible urge to know what she’s thinking. He’s vaguely aware of her fingers fitfully clutching something by her side, a curved dagger. It seems like an unusual thing for Rey to have but there isn’t space in Kylo’s head to contemplate its significance._

_He glances up again. She’s still silent and Kylo can’t help but wonder if her thoughts have led her to the same concerns his had when he received this information._

_“At least you know now,” he hears himself say, and curses himself when she looks confused. He feels compelled to continue, despite himself. “You asked me before why you felt this way about me. You know… heart skipping a beat…” He trails off, aware by her expression that he has made some grievous error._

_“That’s not what I said,” she whispers faintly._

_He flushes, feeling trapped by her closeness, by the sudden shyness in her eyes. “_

_You did! Or some other… some other Bantha poodoo like that,” he counters dismissively._

_She stares at him, and under his confounded gaze her face breaks into a faltering incredulous smile._

_“Bantha poodoo?” she echoes._

_His flush deepens, his eyebrows lower and Rey’s lips compress together tightly, her smile banished. She looks as annoyed by her descent into levity as he does._

_“Luke would never tell you to work with me. You would never listen to him if he did. This is a trick.”_

_“It isn’t. Rey, there’s something more. The dyad means neither of us can exist without the other.” He can see she’s shaken and forces himself to continue. “Skywalker told me we need to protect each other.”_

_He’s leaning in closer, his voice quieter. “I offered you my hand before. You wanted to take it.”_

_Rey blinks, cheeks reddening. Her lips part, but she doesn’t speak, and Kylo presses home his advantage._

_“_ _You felt you couldn’t then. I know that now. But this time you should.” His hand rises at his side and Rey’s eyes flicker down to it. “It’s what the Force wants.”_

_Her eyes lift back to his, and something deep inside him flutters awake. He’s seen that look before and it gives him strength._

_“_ _It’s what I want. It's what you want. Rey, stay where you are. Let me come to you.”_

_Rey swallows, looking up at him as if mesmerised. She’s so vital, so alive, so close that if he reaches out, even the tiniest bit, he could slide his fingers down her arm and take her hand in his. But Kylo doesn’t want to risk making a move for fear of frightening her away and she looks wary enough already._

_Her expression changes. Her lips are turning up at the corners, but this isn’t the same smile he saw before. It’s wistful, he thinks and his heart flips._

_“Don’t do this,” she whispers, and he realises he’s too late._

_Her opinion of him has been formed over the year they were apart, and she can’t change it. Or won’t. Kylo feels the Force wrapping around him and reaches out on impulse, snatching the dagger from her limp grip before he steps back._

And then she was gone, and the Supreme Leader was left alone in a supply closet with a dagger in his hand.

Rey stared at the empty space where Kylo had stood, too aghast to move.

The dagger! How had she let that happen? How had she allowed herself to be distracted by the softness of his voice, the softness in his eyes? How could she have let herself be so _stupid?_

The muffled sounds of her friends’ conversation in the adjoining room was more distinct now and Rey’s heart sank in dread at the thought of explaining this supernatural theft. After all of this, after the sacrifice Ce Threepio had just made, she’d let the one clue they had be taken, quite literally, from her grasp.

She had thought after his horrendous proposal in Snoke’s throne room that there was nothing Kylo Ren could do to shock her more, but this… this deception was worse. Because there would be no way to conceal it this time. What was she supposed to tell the others? Rey’s fists clenched in anguish.

They would never forgive her. She couldn’t blame them. Why had she engaged in that Force connection at all, particularly as her friends were so close by? Why had she let herself be drawn in by him? Why had she let herself believe him?

Because she had been believing him, contrary to whatever defiance she had flung at him. It had become second nature to defy him, to repudiate any suggestion he could make, but she couldn’t seem to prevent herself from listening to him. From letting his words, his looks affect her.

And now her weakness would affect all of them. The Resistance, her friends. The entire galaxy. There was no time to reflect on whatever a dyad was or what it meant for her. She didn’t even want to. That was too big, too terrifying to grapple with when her most immediate problem was the loss of the dagger.

“Rey!” Rose’s voice was urgent. “It’s working!”

Rey scrambled hastily over discarded metal casings and crates to get back into the workshop and crept into the group between Finn and Poe. To see Ce Threepio’s photoreceptors flicker and then glow red, his body rising jerkily from its prone state.

“That which you seek is stored in the Imperial vault,” the droid uttered, a menacing undertone in his metallic voice. “Delta 3-6, transient 9-3-6, bearing 3-2 on a moon in the Endor system. On the Southern shore.” He repeated the bearings one more time into the hush of the room and then collapsed backwards, the light dying in his eyes.

Babu Frik crowed with glee at his success to the accompaniment of Chewie’s howl of despair. Rose rushed forward to examine Threepio’s circuits with a cry of dismay as Finn shared a baffled look with Poe.

“Endor system?” he said. “Where the last war ended? I thought we were looking for somewhere in the Unknown Regions? Is this connected to the Final Order at all?”

“I don’t know, buddy,” sighed Poe, his eyes turning back to the motionless droid. “Rose? Is he okay?”

“Working on it,” answered Rose, conferring as best she could with the little droidsmith.

Rey stood in the middle of all of this, guilt clawing at her. She forced herself to speak.

“We should leave as soon as we know how Threepio is. Or bring Babu Frik with us.”

“We need all of this equipment in case we need to fix him, Rey.” Finn’s brow furrowed. “What is it?”

“We’re in danger here. We have to go. The First Order -”

“Don’t know we’re here,” interrupted Finn soothingly. “We have time.”

“We don’t. They know we’re here…” Rey’s voice trailed off as they all looked at her in consternation. “I can sense it. The Force,” she lied, hating herself.

“Hello! I am Ce Threepio, human cyborg relations.”

Everyone’s attention shifted to the golden droid who was peering around him with interest. Chewie roared in delight, wrapping furry arms around him.

“Oh! Goodness me!” Threepio’s muffled voice exclaimed. “How very friendly. It’s nice to meet you too. You may unhand me now if you please.”

“Well he seems good,” shrugged Poe.

“His memory’s gone!” snapped Rose.

Finn gave Poe a look and walked over to place a comforting hand on her arm.

“Artoo will take care of that. He’ll be okay.”

Rey glanced at the doorway anxiously. Kylo Ren must have given the order for their capture by now. If he hadn’t done so already, before the Force connected them.

“We have to leave. Now!” she urged and was relieved that this time there was no opposition to her plea.

Kylo stabbed the door panel to shut himself inside his quarters and turned over the dagger in his hand reflectively. What was Rey doing with a Sith artefact on Kijimi? It made no sense unless she was somehow aware of what he knew about her. Could that be possible? He didn’t think so, but he couldn’t be sure. Perhaps she had found out the truth before they had started communicating again.

His eyebrows drew together. Her reaction to that news would have surely caused some sort of Force reverberation to ripple its way to him. He would know if she was struggling to deal with such momentous information. But would he? How well did he know her anymore?

When he had first met her, she was as isolated and lonely as he was. But that was a year ago now, a year spent away from him. In which she had been with the Resistance. She could have found plenty of people to befriend in all that time. That defective stormtrooper and that smug flyboy Poe Dameron and who knew who else besides. She had them to confide in now. She didn’t need to turn to him with her woes like she had on the island.

And another thought made the blood chill in his veins. What if she had known for some time and was playing her own game? What if she was trying to gain the power of the Final Order for herself? Kylo pushed that idea from his mind. She couldn’t have changed that much. He needed to talk to her properly. Quick snippets of conversation in fits and starts through the Force weren’t resolving anything. If anything, they were only exacerbating their antagonism towards each other.

He cursed the ineffectiveness of Hux’s stormtroopers who had failed to apprehend Rey and her group on Kijimi. If only his knights hadn’t arrived too late. If only the Force hadn’t derailed him. Then she would be here with him right now and they would have some chance of working all of this out.

In the meantime, he could figure out what those symbols signified. Snoke had given him Sith tomes to peruse when he had first sought refuge with him on Elsewhere. To open his apprentice’s young mind to all of the possibilities the Dark Side offered. He had only read the versions translated into Basic at the time. But there had been a lexicon amongst them with keys to the more ancient of texts he had uncovered later.

Kylo strode to a slightly raised partition on the wall above his desk with greater purpose and pressed a button on the light panel on the side to reveal a hidden bookshelf. He ran his gloved finger over the spines until he found the one he wanted and sat down, spreading it open on the desk, before examining the dagger again. The inscription was composed of short phrases of symbols and dashes as well as what appeared to be more complete sentences.

He looked closer, pulling off his glove to trace a fingertip over the grooves of the symbols. After a decade of reclaiming lost relics from the Empire and other, much more ancient artefacts from the Sith, his trained eye could discern minute inconsistencies in the most convincing of replicas that gave the lie to their authenticity. Not that the dagger wasn’t a genuine Sith weapon, he was pretty sure it was. But the inscription had certainly been added at a later date. 

He frowned, contemplating the composition of the shorter phrases. They could represent a date and time or star chart reference. Or both.

This was where he would start.

“We’ve lost them!” The jump to lightspeed successfully accomplished, Rey sat back in her seat and smiled at Chewbacca, who emitted a pleased growl in response. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Finn leave the cockpit and nodded at Poe in the rear seat behind her.

“Want to take over for a bit? I’ve punched in the coordinates.”

“I have flown the Falcon before,” Poe grinned.

“I know that, and I also know about the lightspeed skipping,” she retorted, and he had the grace to look sheepish for a moment. “So don’t try anything.”

Poe rolled his eyes as he squeezed past her. “Don’t worry. I’ll be good.”

He took his seat and ran a practised eye over the consoles in front of him.

“Hang on, what’s this? The light for the landing gear’s flashing. We _did_ take a hit.”

“I know,” said Rey. “But there’s not a lot we can do about that now. Apart from hope it’ll hold for our docking on Endor.”

“Great,” sighed Poe.

Rey found Finn on the lounge seat in the main hold, his elbows resting on the Dejarik hologram table.

“Finn,” she started and then stopped when he put a finger to his lips.

She followed his gesture to Rose curled up in the guest bunk behind him. Rey nodded and tip-toed over, sliding in beside him on the cracked leather seats.

“I was about to go to the crew quarters for a nap myself,” he whispered, and she was troubled by the reticence in his eyes. She knew the reason. They hadn’t had a chance to speak alone since her outburst on the Resistance base.

She nodded. “I’ll leave you to it. In a moment.” She paused before diving in. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for what I said. On Ajan Kloss. I’m sorry for snapping at you. It wasn’t fair.”

Finn’s eyes softened. “I was just worried about you.”

“I know. I know that. I was just a bit on edge, but that’s no excuse.” Rey felt a lightening of her heart as she saw him smile sympathetically. Maybe Leia was right. Maybe she could tell Finn. Not everything, but maybe some of it.

“I wish I could help more,” Finn said earnestly. “With the Force stuff. I wish you’d never have to face Kylo Ren again. But you don’t have to do it alone. We’re all here for you.”

“And I’m so grateful,” whispered Rey. “But there are some things I do have to face alone.” She saw Finn about to speak and stalled him with a smile. “And you have to let me, Finn. It’s what I’ve been training for. You’re the one who told me I was ready, remember? And it might not even come to that. Maybe I don’t have to fight him. Or defeat him. There could be another way.”

“What other way is there?” protested Finn in a hushed undertone. “He is evil, Rey. And he needs to be stopped. You’ve seen what he’s done. You know what he is.”

“I know,” said Rey slowly. She looked down at her hands, lightly clasped on the table before her and braced herself. “Finn, he took the dagger.”

“What?!” Finn’s voice rose and she shushed him quickly. He shook his head in disbelief, looking around him as if he expected Kylo Ren to materialise out of an access corridor.

“How?” he returned to a whisper.

“Through the Force,” said Rey.

“What? When?”

“On Kijimi,” she said. “Before Threepio translated the inscription. It happened so fast and then he was gone.”

“How did he do that? Has he some sort of… Force _tracker_ or something?” Finn persisted. “Can you do it? Can’t you follow him? Sneak up on him and get it back?”

“It doesn’t work like that,” said Rey. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know how to tell everyone. But if he translates it, he’ll know where we’re going. You have to take me to the Endor moon and leave me there. I’ll contact you when I’m done.”

Finn stared at her in horror. “We can’t do that! Rey, you can’t mean that.”

“Yes, I can,” she insisted. “I can’t put you all in danger. This was my mistake, not yours. The entire First Order could come for us when we get there. We can only hope that Kylo Ren doesn’t interpret the runes in time to catch up with us straight away.”

She could see Finn absorbing all of this and drove home her advantage. “Our only chance is for me to take the escape pod and get whatever it is we’re looking for before he does.”

Finn shook his head. “And then what? You’ll have no way off that moon. He’ll find you and take it.”

“He can try,” responded Rey with a bravado she was far from feeling.

“No,” said Finn firmly. “This isn’t happening. You are not doing this alone.” He shut down Rey’s protests with a raised hand and got up. “I’m telling Poe. We need to figure this out. Between us. All of us.”

“Finn! Wait!” Rey slid out of the seat, forgetting to lower her voice and Rose shot up, blinking.

“What’s happening?”

“Ask Rey,” said Finn, exiting into the corridor.

“Rey?”

Rey only had time to fill Rose in briefly before the others arrived.

“Is this true?” stormed Poe, surprising a roosting porg into flight with a screech. “You knew this on Kijimi and didn’t tell us we could be running straight into a trap? And now… what? You’re planning on doing this mission alone? Have you gone insane?”

“No,” said Rey, battling to preserve a reasonable tone. “I haven’t. But it would be easier to go down there, collect whatever it is we need and escape unnoticed if it’s only one person. And I’m the best person to do it. You said it was time for me to join the fight. Here I am.”

Poe threw his hands into the air. “Are you serious? What if Kylo Ren appears out of thin air again and takes it? What _is_ that? Did you know he could do that? Has he done it before?”

He saw Rey’s jaw clench and came to his own conclusion. “He has? When were you going to tell us? You didn’t think this was something we should know?”

“Leia knows,” said Rey and that seemed to knock the air out of Poe for a moment. “I didn’t need to tell you before because it didn’t affect you. Nothing like this has happened before. It wasn’t a threat to the Resistance.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “Oh really? What is it then? Does the Supreme Leader just stop by for a chat? Maybe a quick cup of caf?”

Rey looked at the faces turned towards her, at Poe’s outrage, Rose’s concern and worst of all, Finn’s hurt look of betrayal. Only Chewie stepped forward to stand by her, issuing a growl of warning to Poe.

Poe glanced at him but remained undeterred. “Can you at least tell us if our base is compromised?”

“No!” protested Rey. “It isn’t! He can’t see my surroundings and I can’t see his. You’re acting like I’m a spy for the First Order. I’m not. I’ve never told him anything about the Resistance. I didn’t do this. I don’t want this. Neither does he. It’s the Force.”

“Wait.” Finn broke the stunned silence. “How long has this been going on?”

Rey steeled herself. “Since Starkiller Base. It started when I went to Ahch-To.”

“A year. This has gone on for a year.” Finn’s voice was oddly flat. “Is this why you want to go alone? Or why you said there could be another way? Instead of fighting him?”

Rey stared at him, her heart racing.

“ _What?”_ Poe’s volume went up a couple of decibels. “What is he talking about? Have you cut some sort of deal with Kylo Ren?”

That was enough to churn Rey’s panic and confusion into fury.

“No, I have not! How dare you? You want to know why I didn’t tell you?” She flung her arm at them in an all-encompassing gesture. “ _This!_ This is why! This was the reaction I was afraid of. I was _right_.”

She heard her pulse roaring in her ears, deafening in the silence and her voice caught in her throat.

“I knew you wouldn’t understand.”

“Okay,” said Rose. She turned to Finn and Poe. “That’s enough. We’re not going to sort this out right now by arguing like this. Cool off. You know Rey hasn’t betrayed the Resistance.”

She saw they didn’t look as if they had any intention of moving and sighed. “We should have nearly reached the Endor system by now. Why don’t you go to the cockpit and update General Organa?” Chewbacca whimpered and she smiled. “It’s okay, Chewie. I’m not going to.”

She waited until they had left before turning back to Rey. “That got a little intense.”

Rey didn’t answer her, still occupied with glowering into the middle distance and Rose tried again.

“Why don’t we sit down?” She waved a hand in the direction of the seating area. “You can talk to me. Or not. Either’s okay.”

Rey looked at her and seeing only kindness in Rose’s eyes, nodded dully before subsiding onto the seat. It took a little longer to bring herself to speak calmly.

“I knew they wouldn’t understand,” she said in a brittle voice. “And it really had nothing to do with them. Until now.”

“They’re in shock,” said Rose reasonably. “And you have to remember they’ve both had pretty awful experiences at the hands of Kylo Ren. But I believe you when you say you had no choice in this. So will they. They will get past this.”

“I’m not so sure of that,” said Rey bleakly. “What about you? Aren’t you angry with me?”

Rose considered this. “I’m _surprised_. But if Leia knew and didn’t think we needed to, who am I to judge?”

Rey’s belligerence faded a little. “I know it must be hard to understand.”

“It must have been harder for you.” Rose shuddered. “I can’t even imagine. But there _is_ something I don’t understand. How does it work? I mean, is he actually there, like right there when you see him? He took the dagger. Does that mean you can interact with each other? Physically?”

_“It isn’t too late,” says Rey and Kylo stiffens, his eyes riveted to hers._

_He’s so close, all defences dropping from those dark eyes and she feels a sudden urge to bridge the divide between them. She knows it’s impossible, but now that it has entered her mind, she’s scared by how much she wants to do it._

_She raises her hand and the movement catches his eye. He looks down to see her reach out between them. To touch him._

_And now she can see his fear too. And beneath it a yearning that matches her own._

Rey dragged her thoughts away from a memory that continued to haunt her, despite her best efforts.

“Yes," was all she said.

Rose stared at her. “Has he… has he tried to hurt you?”

“No!” Rey was as surprised as Rose by her own vehemence. She flushed, feeling a little flustered. “It’s not like that.”

Rose was confused, as much by Rey’s looks as by her words. “It isn’t?”

“No,” said Rey, feeling strangely suffocated.

When Rose spoke again it was as if she was trying to make sense of the information she had received up to this point.

“But he’s the Supreme Leader. Of the First Order. And you are in the Resistance. You are on opposite sides of this war. And it’s possible you could fight each other through the Force. He could try to kill you… but he hasn’t?” Her brow furrowed. “I’m sorry. Maybe I’m not understanding it properly.”

“We didn’t know when it started that we could interact like that. I _did_ try to fight him at first. I shot him with my blaster.” Rey paused, because now she was wondering why they hadn’t been fighting too. “It didn’t work, and I suppose we just got used to talking instead.”

_“Talking?”_ Rose repeated and Rey found she couldn’t look at her.

“Arguing,” she corrected herself. “I did try to stop them. The connections. As much as I could, after Crait. It’s only really been happening again recently.”

Rose was silent for so long that Rey glanced at her apprehensively. She had a worried expression on her face.

“Rey?” Rose began carefully. “When you asked me about what it felt like when you liked someone… that it sounded like it didn’t feel nice. Was that who you were talking about? Kylo Ren?”

Rey’s flush deepened. “No!” she said emphatically.

Of course she had been, but she didn’t have to worry about that anymore. At least she knew that now. Some part of her brain had been busy processing Kylo’s explanation of the dyad amidst everything else that had happened on Kijimi. Even if she didn’t fully understand all the implications involved, he had seemed convinced that their emotions had been somehow manipulated by the Force.

It should be a relief. It _was_ a relief.

“You’re sure?” asked Rose quietly.

Rey nodded dumbly, horrified to feel tears stinging her eyes, an aching lump form in her throat.

“Okay,” said Rose.

She looked away discreetly and then Rey could blink and swallow and attempt to bury the sudden pain that writhed inside her, desperate to break free. A little gasp escaped her, and Rose’s hand slid up over the table to clasp Rey’s. Rey froze, simultaneously touched by her sympathy and aghast to have a witness to yet another nonsensical spate of weeping. She braved a sniff and a quick glance at Rose, who didn’t look back, but gripped her hand tighter in response.

“I’m sorry,” said Rey, feeling a frantic need to explain herself. “It’s just… I’ve been dreading this. Telling you all.”

“It’s okay,” said Rose. “Leia was right. All of us have been thrust into this really intense situation. Everything happens so fast. We don’t have time to deal with most of it. Grief or worry or fear.”

She saw Rey look at her tentatively and grimaced, a little teary-eyed herself.

“When I first met Finn I was crying. Did he tell you that?”

Rey shook her head and wiped her eyes with the back of her arm binding.

Rose smiled. “We can’t be strong all the time. There’s no shame in having a good cry.”

“It keeps happening lately though,” said Rey miserably. “I’m sad, then I’m angry, then I’m sad again. I can’t seem to stop it.”

“It’s probably because you are trying to stop yourself from feeling things,” said Rose. “You’re trying to be strong and that’s good, but it is okay to admit it when things get too much. We’ve all been there. And I’m here if you ever want to talk about anything.”

Rey nodded. Grateful as she was for Rose’s kindness, it made her feel more hopeless than ever. She could never really confide in her, in anyone, about those murky confusing feelings she had pushed too far down to understand coherently. She didn’t even want to dredge them up to analyse them herself.

They sat in silence until Chewie came back to confirm what the Falcon’s sudden jolt had already told them. The hyperjump to the Endor system was complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, no Zorii Bliss! I do really like that character but she didn't fit into my story. I wanted to keep the plot moving along quicker. And no Pasaana, mostly because a lot of that seemed pointless to me and also there will be another desert planet later on.


	7. Kef-Bir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo follows a clue, the crew of the Millennium Falcon find themselves stranded and meet a hero from the past. Rey and Rose face an unforeseen challenge and Ben Solo is quite literally baby.

They _were_ coordinates!

Kylo felt a rare moment of exultation, grabbing his datapad to enter the bearings decoded from the dagger. Kef-Bir. An oceanic moon orbiting the great gas giant of Endor. He peered closer, surveying the star chart. The exact coordinates led to nothing but a vast stretch of water. Which was odd.

He sat back. Endor. It couldn’t be a coincidence. His parents had told him enough stories about a forest moon in the Endor system for that name to imprint itself in his memory. He had been there himself, on that particular moon, years ago with the Knights of Ren to find the ruined helmet of his grandfather.

The same moon he had visited long before, in very different company.

He had only remembered that on his second visit. Memories had flooded back of campfires and music and treehouses towering overhead, half-hidden in the greenery. Of his father swinging him up on his shoulders to stop him chasing after strange furry creatures.

Ewoks.

To little Ben Solo they had appeared as toys come to life. Ben Solo was an only child, often, but not always successfully, placated by new toys to make up for his busy parents’ absences. And more often than not, whatever toys Ben Solo wanted, Ben Solo got. So he didn’t see why he shouldn’t have one of these walking, talking stuffed toys for himself. Kylo shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Remembering the shock on his mother’s face when she discovered the infant Ewok he had managed to sneak on board the Falcon. And the tears and tantrums that had ensued when they had to fly hurriedly back to the Endor moon to return his new favourite toy to it's parents.

Kylo hastily pushed those thoughts aside.

Endor. It made sense. The Death Star had been destroyed close by. The gravity of this moon could very likely have pulled some of the wreckage into its atmosphere. It was eminently possible that this moon housed relics from the Death Star. Something had been left behind from the Great War.

Kylo’s gaze returned to the dagger lying on the desk beside his datapad. His suspicions were correct. Rey was seeking some kind of Dark Side artefact, for what purpose it remained to be seen. If this purpose were the same as his own, this could be a valuable clue to the whereabouts of the Final Order. His pulse quickened. This could finally be his chance to get ahead of this game that had been foisted upon him.

If he could track down the Final Order, he wouldn’t be forced into making any deal at all.

And if he hurried, he and Rey would at last be in the same place at the same time.

Kylo wasted no time gathering up everything he needed for a couple of days’ travel. Stuffing them into two holdalls, he swung his cloak over his shoulders and opened the door.

“Supreme Leader?”

Kylo was unpleasantly surprised to find Hux right outside.

“What are you doing lurking out here?” he said. “Whatever it is, I don’t have time for it.” He brushed past, long legs swiftly creating distance between them and his general was forced into an undignified trot to catch up to him.

“Are you going somewhere?” Only the briefest of glances answered this and Hux tried again. “Supreme Leader, the Knights of Ren -”

“I won’t need them,” interrupted Kylo but Hux continued to keep pace with him.

“That’s just it. You couldn’t take them if you wanted to. They’re not on board the Steadfast.”

“They aren’t?” said Kylo, momentarily diverted and Hux seized his advantage.

“They left with Allegiant General Pryde. He refused to tell me where he was going. Or if you authorised his departure. I thought it best to inform you.” He saw Kylo hesitate.

“I don’t have time to deal with it right now. I might be gone a while. See what you can find out.”

Hux clicked his heels. “Yes, Supreme Leader. Where are you going?”

Kylo reached the docking bay turbolift. “I don’t have to explain where _I_ go, General.”

The lift arrived and he got in, shutting the door on Hux’s chagrined face.

Rose shook her head and sat back on her heels.

“It’s no use. That TIE on Kijimi did a lot more damage than I thought. The landing gear is completely busted. We need parts.”

Poe flung down his plasma wrench in frustration and looked around him, over vast stretches of windswept, uninhabited grassy hills.

“Anybody got any bright ideas?” He saw Rey begin to wander off. “Where are you going?”

She turned. “How far from the coordinates did we land?”

“Far enough,” replied Poe. “And the coordinates were slap bang in the middle of the ocean. What are you planning to do when you get to the coast? Swim there?”

“We need to get there before the First Order,” she said, gritting her teeth. “There could be something on the coast I can use. A boat, a skiff. Anything.”

“And how do we get off this place, even if we do find a way there, find the thing that we don’t even know what it is we’re looking for, and make it back?” Poe gestured at the Falcon, lying entrenched in the earth. “Unless you plan on lifting us out of here and flying us off with the Force.”

“Don’t even think about saying we should split up so you can go alone,” warned Finn, seeing a mutinous look in Rey’s eye. “We have no idea what the dagger is leading us to. Or who. There could be an army out there.”

“In the sea?” Rey wrinkled her nose. “Where, exactly? Under the water?”

Finn looked nonplussed for a moment before recovering himself.

“Maybe. There are submersible vessels you know. Or ships. On the water. Or -”

“Okay, stop!" said Poe firmly. "The first thing we need to do is fix the Falcon. We don’t even know if these coordinates lead to anything that can help us. But if the First Order does get here, we need an escape route.”

“The First Order spy gave that dagger to you,” said Rey. “It has to mean _something_.”

“It won’t mean anything if we can’t get away from here,” retorted Poe. “And without parts that is our biggest problem right now. The charts for this system are so outdated we don’t even know if this moon is inhabited.”

They were interrupted by Chewie’s roar and looked around to see figures atop large steeds on the ridge of a steep hill. An arrow zipped through the air and buried itself in the grass between Rose and Finn.

“Well that answers that question,” said Finn grimly.

The group gathered closer together, hands hovering over their blaster holsters as the cavalry approached. They were humans, clad in flowing colourful garb, astride slender shaggy-haired beasts with long narrow heads and curved tusks protruding from their lower jaws.

“Dear, oh dear,” exclaimed Threepio. “Is this the First Order you’ve been telling me about?”

“They don’t look too friendly,” muttered Poe. “But no.”

A young woman, dark complexioned, in an orange and blue striped gown pushed forward. She gave them all a cursory onceover before focusing on the ship, half-buried in the dirt behind them.

“So… this is the famous Millennium Falcon?” She seemed amused and Rose and Finn exchanged confused looks. “My compliments to the pilot.”

Poe bristled at that. “The landing gear’s broken.”

“I see.” The woman smiled. “Lucky we might be able to help you there. We got a transmission from General Organa, letting us know when to expect you. I’m Jannah. We would have met you sooner, but we _were_ expecting you at the coast.”

“You always shoot at expected guests?” countered Poe.

“Better to shoot first,” shrugged Jannah. “ _You_ weren’t expecting us.”

Rey didn’t have time for this. She stepped in front of Poe. “We’re looking for something. In the ocean near here. Do you know what it is?”

“You don’t?” asked Jannah curiously. “I take it you’re not here for the festival then?”

“Festival?” echoed Finn.

“We celebrate it every ten years. Since the Death Star fell. It’s been thirty years.” Jannah’s eyes rested on Rey. “That’s what you’re looking for. Wreckage in the ocean off the coast from here.”

“I need to get there. Can you help?” asked Rey. “I’ll take anything you have. A boat or -”

“I’ll stop you there.” Jannah shook her head. “You won’t get there by water. And definitely not today. The tide is much too strong for a skimmer to set sail. Come back to the settlement with us. I know someone who may have a light ship you can borrow to land on the wreckage, although you’ll have to pilot it yourself. No native of Kef-Bir will take you there.”

She waved a hand, ushering them towards the company behind her. “Climb on board.”

“Wait,” Poe stalled her. “We don’t know for sure, but we might have the First Order on our tail. You should evacuate this area immediately.”

“So the general informed us. One thing at a time,” said Jannah. “Come on.” She laughed as she saw Finn regarding their steeds dubiously. “It’s okay, orbaks don’t bite… usually.”

“Why is it every place I go, I end up having to ride some weird creature?” said Finn in Rose’s ear.

She giggled. “Oh come on, it was fun on Canto Bight, admit it. I’m kind of looking forward to this.”

He threw her a resigned look. “Of course you are.”

Kylo checked his guidance system again. He was almost there, and not for the first time he thanked the stars for his insistence on adding a hyperdrive to his modified fighter. Hux might have been surprised that he didn’t want to bring the Knights along on this mission, but this was something he needed to do alone. And it was strangely freeing to be out here in the depths of space by himself, without the First Order tracking his every move. Or having to endure the irritatingly unsavoury company of the Knights of Ren. He shouldn’t have to explain himself to anyone and this time he really didn’t want to.

This wasn’t about the First Order. Or the Resistance, even if on the surface his actions appeared like a strategic political move. This was between him and Rey.

Stars flashed past and with a shudder of his craft he flew out of hyperspace. The blue and green moon of Kef-Bir lay ahead of him, looming large in his viewport. Kylo began powering down as soon as his TIE interceptor burst through a heavy mass of thick grey cloud.

It didn’t look like the forest moon he had travelled to before. This moon’s environment was scrubby and sparse, with long wind-tossed grasses and high rearing hills. As the fighter roared over undulating plains, something caught his eye and he slowed down further for a closer look. Not that he really needed it.

Kylo felt his stomach contract. He would recognise this ship anywhere. His father’s ship that lay embedded in the earth, a long trail of destruction in its wake. Rey had arrived. There was no sign of movement around the Falcon and for a moment he considered landing. He dismissed the idea.

The Falcon and its crew had survived worse landings than this in the past. And he had time to make up. Although it seemed possible that he could get to the Death Star ahead of Rey now. With time to find out what it was she was seeking before she got there. He could hold all of the sabacc cards.

And there it was. His instinct had been right. Although all he had really expected to find were remnants of indistinguishable debris if anything was visible above water at all. This was something else entirely, vast hulking ruins rearing up out of high storm-tossed waves. It was surprising how much of the Death Star’s outer hull had remained intact after being flung here from space. He could just about make out what looked like the massive lower curve of a superlaser focus lens. 

Kylo sped up, his ion thrusters barely making an impact on the crashing waves below.

Rey wandered a little behind the rest of the group as they entered the village, looking around her with interest. As anxious as she was to get to the Death Star, her new surroundings were distracting enough to take her mind off her mission, at least for a short time. Jannah had explained that it was a temporary encampment, only set up at festival times amidst the ruins of an abandoned settlement. It had been flooded thirty years before, a gigantic tidal wave sweeping through it from the impact of the Death Star wreckage. No water remained in evidence but it seemed ghoulish to celebrate the end of the great war where so many people must have lost their lives.

All the same, Rey couldn’t help but feel cheered by the bright fluttering banners, gaily coloured tents, and lively music lilting through the air from the awnings of makeshift cantinas. There were humans among the clusters of revellers, but equally as many other races of aliens she had never seen before. It was enchanting to see such an assortment of unfamiliar shapes and sizes celebrating together in a variety of strange and exotic languages. Making it almost easy to forget the perilous state of the galaxy for just a moment.

Jannah tapped her on the shoulder. “You were looking for a ship to take you to the Death Star? I can take you to the man who’s most likely able to help.” She raised her voice to include the others. “We’re going in here. Follow me.”

She led the way into a cantina, weaving her way through the crowds until she stopped beside a fire pit set into the foundations of the ruined building under the pavilion.

“I found them,” she said and turned to beckon the group forward. “Resistance fighters, Lando Calrissian. Lando, this is… actually I don’t know their names yet. Why don’t you introduce yourselves?”

“I know who you are!” said Poe in a reverent tone, stepping forward. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

An elderly man, flamboyantly dressed in a yellow cape, chuckled. “Nothing good I’m guessing if you heard it from Leia. You must be Poe Dameron.”

Rey’s eyes had also widened on hearing his name. “You owned the Millennium Falcon! Han won it from you!”

“Cheated it from me,” corrected Lando. “Don’t tell me that old bird still flies?”

“Not at the moment,” said Poe ruefully. “The landing gear broke on entry. We were hoping we could find parts to fix it.”

Lando smiled, shaking his head. “That sounds about right. I know a guy who might be able to help you.”

He raised a finger to bring one of his companions to him and said something in his ear before returning his attention to Poe.

“He’s going to see if he can dig out something for you.” He motioned to seats around the fire pit. “In the meantime, make yourselves comfortable. Have a drink and tell me how Leia is. It’s been a long time.”

“We’d like to,” said Poe. “But we’re kinda short on time. You shouldn’t stay here either. It’s not safe. The First Order could be here any time. They could even be here already.”

Lando waved a hand dismissively. “They’re not. The only way we could get this festival organised this time was by taking as many precautions as possible. We’ve got plenty of lookouts and radar and more than enough ships to get us off here quickly if they do decide to break up the party.”

“We need a ship now,” said Rey urgently. “I need something to take me to the Death Star. Can you help us?”

“I can,” said Lando, adding firmly; “Tomorrow.” He saw her open her mouth to protest and continued before she could get the words out. “It’s impossible to make that journey tonight. It’s dark, the sea’s much too rough and there’s an electrical storm brewing over the ocean that’ll play havoc with any navigation instruments.”

Poe looked at Rey’s anxious face. “If we can’t get out there tonight, Kylo Ren can’t either. And that’s assuming he has translated the dagger. Let’s concentrate on getting the Falcon fixed for now and deal with the Death Star tomorrow.”

Rey subsided, albeit reluctantly into a space between Rose and Chewbacca.

Tomorrow had never seemed so far away.

Kylo clambered over a jagged pane of transparisteel to enter what appeared to have once been a vast chamber. The sky was darkening outside, and the wind had whipped up, shrieking through gaps in the hull and what remained of huge round broken viewports. He stepped forward carefully, his eyes drawn to a ruined chair on a dais that dominated a room which was otherwise empty apart from fallen debris and twisted wreckage. He knew whose throne this was, just as he knew his grandfather and his uncle had stood where he stood now. In this very place.

Kylo didn’t afford himself the luxury of thinking about that for long. His already heightened senses had alerted him to something before he landed and whatever that was, it called out to him louder now. A presence. It was close.

He stood still and closed his eyes, letting the Force reach out through him. A flicker of darkness touched him. He flinched but kept his focus, following it to its source.

There it was. His eyes opened to fix on a doorway behind the throne. Palpatine’s throne.

“I can’t believe you’re making us do this!” protested Rose.

“I’m not _making_ you do it,” sighed Jannah. “It’s the tradition of the festival and everyone abides by it. It has been this way ever since the beginning. No military uniforms. We’re celebrating the end of the war, not the war itself.”

“We’re fighting a war. Right now,” Rose pointed out.

“And I’m not wearing a uniform.” Rey indicated her own clothing defensively.

Jannah laughed, holding up a pale-yellow garment under Rose’s chin.

“I don’t think I’ve ever met two women who kicked up such a fuss about getting into a dress!” She narrowed her eyes, then nodded. “Yes. This is the colour for you. It’s great with your skin tone. Try it on.”

Rose exchanged a helpless look with Rey before being pushed unceremoniously behind a curtain.

Jannah flicked through the rail of clothing, pulling swathes of fabric up to Rey’s face.

“Any preference? Any colour, style you like?”

Rey shrugged, feeling foolish. Once again, she was becoming all too aware of how stunted her growth was when it came to anything… feminine. Rey had never really considered the benefit of clothes beyond their practical value. After all, she had worn virtually the same style of clothing with the most minor of deviations her entire life. She met Jannah’s bright look of enquiry with an embarrassed blush and clutched at a grey robe.

Jannah’s nose wrinkled. “Seriously? Let’s live a little.” She yanked something silky and scarlet off a peg. “Try this!” She saw Rey hesitate and waved her to the curtain. “Go on!”

Rey slid behind it to see Rose wrestling with the catches on the back of her dress.

“Rey!” she said breathlessly. “Please help. I don’t know how these things work. Why would anyone want to wear something so uncomfortable?”

“I don’t know,” muttered Rey, relieved that she wasn’t alone in finding this situation strangely stressful. She fixed the catches, tiny gold flowers concealing hooks and links, until they were all done.

Rose turned looking rather self-conscious. When Rey didn’t say anything, she cringed.

“How stupid do I look?”

“Not stupid at all,” said Rey simply. “You look beautiful.”

Because she did. The pale yellow was lovely against her creamy golden skin, contrasting with her shiny black hair and dark eyes. And the dress, tight and rather low-cut at the bodice with a full floating skirt emphasised womanly curves and a tiny waist Rey somehow hadn’t noticed before.

Rose looked more embarrassed than ever and attempted to hide it by tugging Rey’s dress out of her hands.

“If I have to wear a dress you do too. Get out of your gear and I’ll help you with this.”

Rey was relieved to find that her dress wasn’t as form-fitting or low-cut as Rose’s, although it did leave one shoulder bare. It was long, sweeping over the toes of her dusty boots, with two layers of silky material, the outer a more iridescent orange-red than the inner. With a wide sash which Rose pulled tight before tying it behind her waist. The delicate fabric was so soft and light against her skin Rey had to cast an anxious glance down to make sure she was fully covered. She was, but Rey had the horrible feeling it wasn’t concealing her… everything as well as clothing should.

She wedged her lightsaber into the sash by her side. Better.

Rose stood back to get the full effect of her handiwork and laughed, shaking her head.

“Wow! You look incredible!”

“Are you finished in there?” demanded Jannah from outside and brusquely yanked the curtain back. She clapped her hands. “Yes! That’s more like it! Want to see yourselves?”

She indicated a full-length mirror at the side of the tent and seeing the girls look at each other warily, tilted her head.

“Hang on, not just yet. One more thing.”

She didn’t wait for a reply, sliding Rose’s engineering wire off her ponytail, before tugging Rey’s knots loose and running her fingers through her hair to shake it out over her shoulders. Rey stood as still as possible, trying not to feel mortified that Jannah’s fingers were getting caught in her tangled locks.

Jannah nodded approvingly. “ _Now_ you’re ready.” She stood aside to usher them forward to the mirror.

Rey stared at this strange new version of herself. It was her, but it wasn’t. The slim girl with the tousled dusky waves sweeping her shoulders looking back at her was elegant and willowy. A proper girl, in place of the boyish, practical reflection she was so accustomed to seeing. It was jarring but also oddly exciting.

A random thought crossed her mind and she shoved it aside hurriedly, but not before the colour in her cheeks clashed with her scarlet dress.

It didn’t matter what Kylo Ren would think if the Force connected them. She had never cared about what he thought of her appearance before. Her reflection scowled back at her, rendering her sophisticated dress more incongruous than ever.

The sooner this night was over the better. This wasn’t her at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've kind of mushed Kef-Bir and Pasaana together to speed up the first part of the story. Thanks to all who've left kudos and comments, it's so lovely of you! And also thank you for your patience, it will be rewarded in the next chapter when Rey and Kylo finally meet! I'm going to try to get that posted as soon as possible.
> 
> I'm not sure if the illustration of Ben Solo and the Ewok is visible on phone formats so here's the link to it on twitter: https://twitter.com/2BrightStars1/status/1345705085624606721


	8. The Death Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey takes an unexpected journey, Kylo is obliged to share more than he would like, and an uneasy alliance is formed.

Rey made her way out of the cantina. She had pleaded a tiredness she was far from feeling as an excuse for going outside to take a walk in the fresh air. Normally she would have loved to spend time with a war hero like Lando Calrissian. Be as eager as the rest of them to hear tales of the Rebel Alliance, of his adventures with Han, Luke, Leia, and Chewie. But she was too restless to settle.

Every fibre of her body itched to be on the move, a little like the canopy overhead, buffeted by ever-increasing stormy gusts of wind, straining to break free from its tethers. Everywhere she looked, people were dancing, drinking, and having fun. Rey wished she could be one of them. She wished she could feel like one of them. But she didn’t, no matter how she was dressed.

The look of surprise on Finn and Poe’s faces as they entered the cantina had only served to make her feel even more ridiculous in her new attire. Poe and Finn had also acquired new clothing, brightly coloured loose-fitting tunics, but they still looked much more like what they usually did than she and Rose.

Although she couldn’t help but be amused by how Finn’s eyes widened as he took in the full picture of Rose, shyly glorious in her pretty yellow gown. Rey had noticed things had gotten a little less awkward between the two lately, probably due to being thrown together on the mission. But now this dress situation had seemed to change that tentative relationship all over again, with neither of them apparently able to communicate beyond furtive glances when each thought they were unobserved by the other.

Rey sighed. She would never understand how these things worked.

Her eyes lifted to the sky, to glimpses of stars in the darkness peeping out between ominous scudding clouds. Somewhere up there was Kylo Ren. He was close. She knew it. She could feel it. After a year they would finally meet face to face and no matter how many times she told herself she was ready, she knew she wasn’t. Because she never was.

The cube was solidly built with no visible joins. It was pale silver in colour with a smooth, slightly striated finish. Kylo suspected that it was crafted from beskar steel, a rare valuable metal molten down by the legendary Mandalorians to create their formidable armour. He paced around it, examining the suspended object from all angles. It was unlikely that the cube itself was what he sought, but rather the casing that housed it. It made sense. Beskar had the reputation of being practically indestructible, a fitting home for something the emperor would want to keep safe from prying eyes. But why would the dagger have led him here if he didn’t have the tools to open it?

Kylo slipped the dagger out of his belt and studied it, feeling a familiar frustration rise within him. He should have taken his time instead of rushing off before he had interpreted the whole inscription. But there was someone he was pretty sure who had and now was the time to find out what she had discovered.

Kylo slid the dagger back into his belt and went outside to the throne room. He closed his eyes, drawing the Force around him. This was something he hadn’t tried before, but he was almost sure Rey had done it, whether that was something she was aware of or not.

A year ago, when she had told him about her experience in the dark place below the island, the Force connecting them had felt different. Rather than the usual sudden thrust into that strange other worldly space they occupied, it felt more as if he had been summoned, responding to a call through the Force. It was unlikely that Rey had consciously performed that act, considering the conversation they had previous to that. But some part of her had needed to see him, speak to him.

That was because of the dyad, Kylo reminded himself _._ He shut his eyes tighter, filling his mind with her and pushed out. Out beyond the chamber where he stood, beyond the Death Star and over the sea. Now he could sense her, a bright spark in the void, burning brighter as she grew closer.

Almost there.

“Be with me,” he whispered.

_Kylo opens his eyes. And blinks._

_“Rey?”_

_Before him is a vision in red flowing drapery. The most flattering of breezes causing silken folds to intimately caress her slender figure before billowing out behind her. Whipping loose hair into a halo of tousled tendrils around her shoulders._

_It looks like Rey. Kind of. Or at least a version of Rey that could only have been conjured up in some sort of fantastical fever dream._

_Wait. This can’t be Rey. Because at this moment, Rey is probably fixing whatever has malfunctioned on his father’s ship. In reality, she’s in her customary garb, albeit covered in oil and grease. She definitely wouldn’t be staring at him apprehensively like this instead of displaying all of her usual truculence._

_It hasn’t worked. And although Kylo can’t help but be simultaneously impressed and disturbed by this creation of his own imagination, he needs to try again. His eyes close a little regretfully._

_“Where are you?”_

_His eyes shoot open to meet her stare, flustered and confused._

_“What are you wearing?” he says before his brain recovers and sees her eyebrows lower and her nose wrinkle in surprise. He gathers himself quickly. “Where are you?”_

_“I asked first,” she says defiantly._

_Now he’s definitely sure it is Rey. “You know where I am. It’s where you would be if you didn’t insist on flying that useless piece of junk.”_

_He doesn’t look like he’s lying, but Rey needs more than that. If he hasn’t deciphered the runes, he could be bluffing._

_“That’s impossible. We would have known,” she says._

_“Not unless you found a way to break through my stealth tech.” Kylo sees her look annoyed and realises he’s doing this all wrong. He needs to ingratiate himself with Rey, not antagonise her. He moves closer until he’s standing in front of her._

_“I’m on the Death Star. I have what you seek. I’m waiting for you.”_

_Rey bites back whatever dismay she’s feeling and resorts to her usual belligerence. “Why?”_

_“I told you. We need to work together. I don’t want to fight you.”_

_It’s dark where he is and Rey wishes she could see him more clearly, see the expression in those dark eyes._

_“I can’t, even if I wanted to, which I don’t,” she says. “No ship can cross the sea in this storm.” And then is annoyed with herself for saying that. Because obviously Kylo Ren’s ship just did._

_He moves closer, pulling off his glove and raises his bare hand, his eyes watchful. “_

_We don’t need ships. Take my hand.”_

_“No!” Rey looks at him incredulously. “Why should I trust you? You took the dagger from me.”_

_“Would you have told me about it if I hadn’t? I needed it for the same reason you do. You want to end this. The threat from the Beyond. As do I. We need to be together to do that. We need to protect each other.”_

_He sees her hesitate and his heart begins to thump._

_“_ _You want to trust me. Trust those feelings. I don’t want to hurt you, I never have. You know that.”_

_“I trusted you before.” Rey’s voice is quiet. “I was wrong.”_

_“No. You weren’t,” says Kylo. “You were right to come to me then. Just like I’m right to come to you now.”_

_She’s still wavering, but Kylo can feel her defences begin to rise and relinquishes the last of his._

_“You know me. You do. You’re the only person who does.”_

_He’s moved closer still, and now Rey can sense his barely controlled need, and something inside her claws and writhes, desperate to burst free to meet it._

_“Rey, please.”_

_She feels the warmth of his hand enveloping hers before she realises she has even reached out._

_His eyes widen, his fingers close tightly, and he pulls._

Rey tugged her hand free, aghast, and Kylo let her stagger back, let her glance around to get her bearings. He watched her eyes come back to him, as shocked as his. She seemed to be having as much difficulty breathing as he was and for a moment he didn’t know what to do.

It had worked. Rey was finally here, right in front of him, but all of the things he needed to say appeared to have somehow evaporated with the Force connection.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” said Rey.

Her voice was low and unsteady, and he realised her anger was directed at herself as much as him.

“Get me back.”

Kylo found his voice. “I don’t know how to do that. I wasn’t even sure we could do this.” He sensed anxiety heightening to match her rage and rushed to placate her.

“I can take you back after if that’s what you want. But first you need to listen to me. I have something to tell you and I want you to hear it from me.” Kylo paused, eyeing her cautiously. He _didn’t_ want to be the one to tell her, but this needed to be done. “It’s about you. It’s about who you are.”

Rey thrust her hands in front of her in panic and backed up further.

“No! Stop! I don’t want to hear it.” Her gaze scoured the chamber as if to find anything else to distract herself with. “The dagger. Where is it? What did you find?”

Kylo hesitated. She wasn’t ready and he couldn’t bring himself to force the issue. He pushed his cloak aside to take out the dagger.

“I found a device, but it’s locked inside something,” he said. “I can’t open it. I need to know what the inscription says. All I have are the coordinates.”

Her chin rose. “This is what you needed me for. To open it for you.”

“That’s partly why I needed you, yes.” Kylo decided on honesty.

“You’re out of luck,” she said with more than a trace of triumphant malice. “There were no directions about how to open it. Only how to get here.”

“Really?” Kylo’s eyes fell back to the dagger in his hand. “Why do you think the inscription is on this? I mean this, particularly? Unless… unless do you think this could be the key that opens it?”

Rey regarded him balefully. A memory of their first Force encounter leapt to mind. Just like then, it appeared he already assumed she was fully on board to help him puzzle out a solution to the problem at hand. That was not going to happen.

“Why do you need it? What’s in there?”

He looked surprised. “You don’t know?”

She frowned at him. “No. And if you want my help you need to tell me. You need to tell me all of it.”

“I don’t know.” Kylo saw her shake her head in disbelief. “I don’t! But I don’t understand. Why did you have it if you don’t know what it’s for?”

“You had it first,” said Rey, becoming as confused as she was suspicious. “Our spy in the First Order gave it to us. Along with intel on the Final Order. We thought the two were connected. Aren’t they?”

Kylo assessed her expression. “I think so. But I didn’t know anything about the dagger until I saw it in your hand on Kijimi. Your spy obviously knew more than I did. What were you planning on doing with it when you got here?”

“I’m not sure.” Rey watched him cagily. “I’m still not sure. We thought it would lead us to Exegol.”

“Exegol,” echoed Kylo slowly.

Rey clenched her teeth. “Stop. Stop playing games. We know that’s where you’ve hidden the Final Order.”

“You do?” he asked sharply.

“Yes. From Luke’s research. He’d written about these daggers in the Jedi texts. We know they lead to Exegol. But we don’t have the coordinates to get us there. Nobody does, apart from you.”

“It’s a Sith holocron.” Kylo’s eyes lit up. “That’s what’s hidden. A hyperspatial lodestone.” He stepped closer to her. “That’s how we get there. We’ll have safe passage through the Unknown Regions.”

“We?” Rey’s brain reeled. “A hyperspatial what? What are you talking about? Why would I go with you? Why do _you_ need safe passage?”

They stared at each other and Kylo knew that now she was ready to listen at last. She wanted to know and although he had dreaded this moment, he was ready to tell her. He drew a breath, unsure of where he should start. Maybe where all stories should, at the very beginning.

“All my life, for as long as I can remember, I’ve heard… a voice. In my head. From the Dark Side, although I didn’t know that at first.”

“Leia told me,” said Rey quietly. “She told me it was Snoke.” She saw his mouth quiver, his fists clench and although she felt reluctant pity, she was determined not to get side-tracked by whatever ploy this was.

“What has that got to do with Exegol?”

“I’m getting to that.” Kylo’s voice was forcibly calm. “It _was_ Snoke. I was too young to know what his purpose was then. It took a long time to see it clearly.”

He saw Rey’s scowling gaze soften slightly and looked away. This was lot harder to do when she looked at him like that.

“I’d always been interested in the history of the Force, probably because of who my family is although I didn’t have all of the facts until later on. After I turned to the Dark Side, I sought out Sith artefacts, anything to help me understand my place in it. One of these relics was Darth Vader’s helmet, which I found here on the Endor system.” He glanced back at Rey, finding it harder to choose his words. “It spoke to me. Gave me guidance.”

She frowned but said nothing, and he was relieved she didn’t seem to require any further elucidation, because the next part of the story was even more difficult to explain. Probably because Kylo had never cared to examine his own reasoning for himself.

“After Snoke… well, you know what I said. About ending all of it. I wanted to be done with the Skywalker legacy, the Sith, the Jedi. Everything. I meant it. I still do. But I did go back to my grandfather’s mask. That’s how I learned about The Final Order. But what I didn’t know was where they were.”

“Until now.” Rey stared at him, aghast. “Because I’ve just told you.”

“Yes,” he confirmed. “But the holocron will tell me that anyway if it’s what I think it is. Rey, I do want to find those fleets, but not to control them. They’re a threat to all of us, the First Order, the Resistance, everyone. Together we can rid the galaxy of this threat, you and I. I believe that.”

He could see Rey absorbing this, see questions forming in her mind.

“How? Who’s behind all of this? We thought it was Snoke. Then you. But if it isn’t you, who is it?”

Kylo shrugged. “Maybe Snoke wasn’t alone. I wasn’t privy to everything he did.”

“What about the mask?” Rey cast around for ideas. “Darth Vader’s mask? Why hasn’t it told you?”

“It’s not like that. I only get information if I do what’s asked of me.”

“And what’s that?” asked Rey hollowly.

“To bring you to my side,” said Kylo after a long moment, and carried on hastily when he could see an interruption imminent. “I know that’s what I’m trying to do but I’m not trying to bring you to the Dark Side.”

“Even if I believed that, working together is exactly what they want,” objected Rey.

“It’s what Luke wants too,” Kylo reminded her.

“Says you,” she said rudely.

“I’m telling you the truth,” he said, a little despairingly. “I don’t know how else to convince you.”

Rey considered him. “I do. I know a way I can tell if you’re lying to me.”

Kylo’s gaze became apprehensive as she raised her hand.

“You did it to me before on Starkiller Base,” she said.

“That didn’t go entirely one way,” he said defensively, trying to hide a rising panic. He didn’t want Rey inside his head again. It had been bad enough then, and that was before he even knew her. Things had become a lot more complicated over the last year.

But then again, he hadn’t been prepared a year ago. He was now. If he had been able to hide his intentions from Snoke, he should be more than capable of steering Rey’s intrusion into his mind along the approved lines.

He nodded. “Go ahead.”

Rey stepped a little closer and Kylo bowed his head as she reached up, feeling the light touch of her fingers on his hair. She seemed loth to catch his eye, closing hers the moment she made contact, and he was glad of it. He would be able to focus better without her watching him. He emptied his mind before drawing on the memory of Luke’s visit, the demands of his hidden advisor, his own determination to defeat the Final Order.

And then he felt it, tentative at first, then growing stronger, more curious. Rey was sifting through his thoughts just as she had before, but it was different this time. Her touch was gentle, almost soothing.

Rey felt Kylo’s resistance relax as she slipped deeper into his consciousness. Although that made her task easier, it also made it a little more unsettling. She had seen too much the first time she had looked inside his mind, unwittingly unlocking all of which he had kept most closely guarded. His darkest most entrenched memories, his worst fears. All too quick, too jumbled to be fully coherent, but Rey had already witnessed too much of his pain, too much of his rage and violence. She had no desire to pursue any further exploration into the core of who Kylo Ren was.

This time she knew what she was doing, or at least what she was looking for. All she needed to do was uncover the veracity of his claims and get out. Rey soon discovered it wasn’t quite as simple as that. As she drifted through memories filtered through Kylo’s lens, it became increasingly difficult to retain a detached objectivity. His mistrust and resentment of Luke were as tangible and real as any emotions of her own. As was his fear, his anger during his interactions with his unseen Dark Side mentor.

Rey’s lips parted, her lashes fluttering as she slipped deeper into his consciousness.

Kylo stared down at her, so close, so trusting. She had been this close quite recently, albeit from a different angle and half a galaxy away. The context of that moment flew into his mind and he caught his breath, flinging a sudden shockingly ill-timed thought from his mind with force. Too late. He saw Rey gasp, her eyes opening and shut his own tightly.

_Don’t panic._

He delved back into his memories, desperate to distract her.

_Rey, lying silent and lifeless on the ground._

_No!_

He flinched as her hand jolted, smacking his cheek. She recoiled, whipping her hand away as if it were scalded.

Rey fought to breathe, to think clearly, dimly aware of Kylo backing away, his eyes filled with a dread that mirrored her own. She knew she should say something, ask him something, but her mind was too full of questions for a single one to float coherently to the surface.

“Rey?” said Kylo cautiously.

Something about the way he spoke broke through her fuddled state.

“What was that?” said Rey through her teeth.

Kylo stared dumbly at her and that only fuelled her outrage further.

“What _was_ that? Tell me! The future? Did you make it up? Did you show me that deliberately? Why would you do that?” She saw him whiten.

“I didn’t want you to see that,” he said.

“Tell me.”

His lips moved on a swallow. “It was a vision that was given to me. Of what would happen if we didn’t work together.”

Maybe it had always been cold in the darkness of the Death Star, but Rey was only feeling it now. Like icy breaths lifting the fine hairs on her bare arms, prickling up the back of her neck.

“Luke?” she whispered.

“No,” said Kylo. “I don’t know if it’s even true.” 

He sounded as if he were attempting to reassure her, but Rey had felt desolation flooding that memory, and in the urgency of the moment couldn’t tell if it had been hers or his. She forced herself to calm her mind, trying to pursue any logical explanation.

“But if what Luke said is true, if we are a dyad, doesn’t that mean you would die too?”

Kylo’s shoulders lifted in a helpless sort of shrug. “I suppose so. Rey, I didn’t want to tell you. And I really didn’t want to show you, but now you know why we need to do this. Even if it was just an attempt to manipulate me, I don’t want to risk it. Do you?”

Rey’s gaze fell to the dagger still clenched in his fist before returning to his face. “And if we do work together, if we’re successful, what happens to all of this, the dyad, the Force bond?”

“Luke said we were a dyad until we do what needs to be done,” said Kylo.

They stared at each other, suddenly struck by a future that didn’t involve this strange unwanted connection. It was almost unthinkable, and Rey found she didn’t want to dwell on it. She looked away.

“I’ll do it,” she said quickly.

Rose had noticed Rey’s departure from the cantina and waited a few minutes to see if she would return before heading out in search of her. She was ruefully aware that not so long ago her own advice to Finn had been to give Rey space, but that was before she knew what her friend was dealing with. Rey had not divulged much on the Falcon, but what she had made Rose more than a little uneasy. Rey had been upset and defensive then and understandably unwilling to leave herself open to more disapproval, but maybe with a little coaxing she would open up more.

Not that Rose was sure what advice she would be able to give someone in such a horribly complicated situation. She hadn’t known what to say to Rey at the time, settling for sitting with her in silence rather than tackling the issue head-on. But Rey’s difficulties were not ones Rose felt equipped to deal with, being Force-related and involving the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Even if she did want to try help Rey make sense of it, she wasn’t quite sure where to begin. Particularly if Rey continued to be secretive about the exact nature of her relationship with Kylo Ren.

There had been no sign of her anywhere and Rose returned inside, glancing around her as she threaded her way through the crowd milling around the bar to see if she had somehow missed her on the way. It was annoying to be short when you were trying to find someone in a busy place. But even if she could look over everyone’s heads, she was pretty sure Rey wasn’t there. Rose tried to quiet her worried thoughts.

Rey had not been herself lately, but she wouldn’t have left without them without a word. How could she? Short of stealing a ship, she had no way to get to the Death Star. And even though Rose was as shaken as the rest of them by Rey’s confession on the Falcon, her faith in her friend wasn’t. She harboured no doubts about Rey’s allegiance to the Resistance.

Looking over at the group gathered around Lando Calrissian at the fire pit, she resolutely put her worries about Rey to one side and made her way over to them.

Maybe it was time to find out where other allegiances lay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Rey and Kylo are in the same place! Weather warning - turbulence ahead!


	9. An Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A momentous discovery is made, Rey and Kylo receive disturbing glimpses of what could be, and Rey is pushed over the edge with surprising results.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Violent scenes ahead as well as some more surprising ones!

Rey sucked in a swift intake of air as she followed Kylo Ren into an antechamber beyond a massive, dilapidated chair that reminded her all too unpleasantly of Snoke’s throne. The shock of suddenly finding herself on the Death Star followed by more unwelcome surprises in quick succession had dimmed a malevolent undercurrent she now sensed much more strongly. It surged to the surface now, impossible to ignore, seeping through the Force in steady waves.

This must have been an evil place when fully operational, but it seemed as if it must be more horrific now, a shadowy mausoleum haunted by the ghosts of its dark past. Rey had foraged through many abandoned wrecks of the Empire on Jakku and was almost inured to whatever gruesome discoveries lay hidden in these relics of a war she had never known. This was different. It was possible that was because her connection to the Force had lain dormant then, but Rey doubted it.

There was something about this chamber itself that urged every fibre in her being to run and never look back. It was smaller and more intact than the previous room, but much more difficult to navigate. The only light within emanated from an eerie green glow illuminating a silver cube, hanging suspended from a pointed shard from the ceiling.

Rey edged closer to Kylo, suddenly glad that she wasn’t alone. His big solid presence now felt distinctly more comforting than menacing beside her. A vibrant hum emitted from the cube when he touched it, stopping just as suddenly as he pulled it out of its suspension, the green light glowing brighter.

“The dagger,” whispered Rey and Kylo handed it to her, his eyes widening as she flicked out the narrow, hidden blade.

He held up the cube, examining it from every angle with renewed interest. Rey watched his fingertips run investigatively over a slight imperfection close to the edge of one facet and back again.

“I think I found it.”

They exchanged a glance before he held it out to her and Rey, burying whatever misgivings assailed her, slipped the slim blade into the slot.

_“Kylo!”_

_She’s alone in the darkness, the terror that has been simmering under the surface now fully awake. Kylo is gone. Everything is gone. Rey stares around her blindly, too afraid to move, to reach out for fear of what she might find. And then she hears it, rasping, guttural sounds, like loud painful breaths drawn in through shattered lungs._

_“Kylo!” she cries in panic. “Ben!”_

_A door flings open and he’s there. Kneeling before the throne in the adjoining room. A grateful sob racks her, and she breaks into a run._

_“Ben!”_

_He doesn’t look up, doesn’t acknowledge her and the last few steps feel as if she is walking through shifting sands. The throne revolves with dreadful slowness as she reaches him, and a withered figure obscured in a dark robe raises a claw-like hand._

_“Ahh. Here she is.”_

_The disfigured creature’s voice is cold, malignant, and Rey can only stare as his gaze turns to Kylo’s bowed head._

_“_ _The other half of the dyad. Look at her, my boy. My Skywalker. Look what I have created for you.”_

_Kylo’s head lifts, meeting Rey’s horrified stare._

_The old man laughs, beckoning him to his feet. “Rise, young Skywalker. Claim your prize. You have done well to bring her to me.”_

_“Ben?” Rey whispers as he walks towards her, hand outstretched._

_The hooded figure laughs as she keeps her fists clenched down at her sides._

_“Isn’t this what you believed, Rey? That you were born from something greater? You were. I brought you into being from the Force itself. For this purpose. The galaxy can be yours. Take his hand.”_

_“No!” chokes Rey. “None of this is real. I don’t believe you.”_

_“It’s true, Rey.” Kylo looks down at her with a warmth in his eyes that shocks her almost more than his earnest words. “This is how it was always meant to be. You know it. Stop fighting your destiny.”_

_“You don’t mean this.” Rey backs up, searching his face for the lie._

_She doesn’t find it and now she realises she’s always known this is what he wanted. To be her teacher, her ally, and now something more. Something infinitely more disturbing._

_Kylo isn’t pleading anymore. He isn’t desperate or angry. He’s calm and confident, the Ben she saw in her vision on the island. The Ben she had fought Luke to bring to her side._

_His eyes lower to her lips and Rey suddenly remembers that brief glimpse she saw in his mind before the last vision eclipsed it. That fleeting sensation that came with it, soft and warm; a phantom touch on her lips, and Rey is horrified to feel excitement rising in her._

_“Give in to it,” says the Emperor eagerly. “It’s what you want. Why shouldn’t you have what you want?”_

_And that treacherous part of her is responding, pulling her to Kylo Ren, like it always has. Her dark shadow she cannot escape. Just as she is his pale reflection, destined to be moulded to his will. Because that is what she was created for._

_“Take it. Take it for yourself.”_

_She’s nothing. She is only here because of him. She only exists because of him._

_Rage builds up within her as her hand rises. In one swift movement she snatches her lightsaber and ignites it, holding it aloft in an unwavering grip between them._

_“No!”_

_Kylo is alone, blinking in the white glare, becoming aware of harsh breathing that isn’t his own._

_“Rey?”_

_He swivels on the spot, reaching for his lightsaber. It isn’t there. His belt isn’t there. He’s wearing something soft and loose his fingertips don’t recognise. It’s silent now and something flickers in the brightness. He shields his eyes, squinting to see, until the light recedes enough for him to realise he isn’t on the Death Star anymore. It’s still bright, but the light is warm and golden, streaming through a filmy bleached-white curtain beside an open door._

_“Rey?”_

_He looks around but she’s nowhere to be seen. He should feel wary, he knows that, but he doesn’t. He’s in a bedroom and although he knows it isn’t his, it feels as though it is. As if it could be. The scuffed brown boots discarded on one side of the rumpled bed don’t look like anything he has ever worn, but they look as if they could fit him._

_Just like the boots, this room looks lived in and untidy, a stark contrast to his own immaculate quarters on the Steadfast. Kylo’s fastidious soul feels an urge to tidy away various objects strewn carelessly around the room. An empty tumbler on the wooden locker beside the intricately woven wooden bedstead, a hairbrush half-hidden amidst the rumpled bedcovers. The colour of the hairs tangled in its bristles catch his eye and he picks it up._

_Brown, not black. And now he’s looking around him, taking in a myriad of little details he hadn’t noticed before. White arm wraps looped over the back of a chair, an ancient text propped up against a pillow, scrolls and a calligraphy set on a desk beside the window._

_This is Rey’s room._

_And his._

_He turns the hairbrush over in his hand, seeing reddish gold amongst the brown. He’s not sure why the thought of Rey brushing her hair surprises him, but it does._

_The curtain flutters, billowing out through the arched doorway. He can see green trees, hear the rustle of leaves in the breeze. Closer still, a slim figure in white stands looking out over a serene lake under a blue sky. Kylo pushes aside the curtain and calls her name. She doesn’t turn even as he reaches her, her eyes fixed on the tranquil water and Kylo feels the first stirrings of trepidation he has felt since he’s come here._

_“I know you have. I’ve tried too,” she says as if this is a conversation picking up from where it has just left off. “I thought it wasn’t too late. But you warned me, and I should have listened to you.”_

_“Rey?” he falters. She still doesn’t glance his way and Kylo begins to wonder if she’s speaking to him at all. “Rey, look at me.”_

_She turns, lifting her eyes to his and he sees tears there and a resolution that frightens him._

_“It’s not possible to change who you really are. I see that now. You weren’t turned into a monster. It’s what you’ve always been.”_

_Her arm rises, her lightsaber flares and Kylo feels shocking fire sear through his skin, his flesh and bone._

_Rey’s mouth trembles, her tears spilling onto her cheeks._

_“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”_

Kylo fell back, gasping, clutching at his chest. Hitting the ground as the light faded, dissolving into a dim green glow. The pain in his chest had gone with it, his heart stuttering back to life and he opened his eyes to see Rey standing over him, lightsaber hilt in her fist. She ignited it, cold blue radiance illuminating the anger in her eyes. He scrambled to his feet, backing up to put distance between them, desperately trying to disconnect this Rey from the one he had just seen. To make sense of any of it.

“Is it true?” she snarled. “Is this what you were going to tell me before?”

Kylo attempted to control his breathing. “Is what true?”

And then he could see that she was afraid underneath all that fury. His stomach fell. She was finding it hard to form her next question because she didn’t want to know the answer and he already knew exactly what that was.

“That I… I was created from the Force. For you. For the dyad. By Palpatine.”

Kylo’s eyes opened wider. “Palpatine? Palpatine is dead. My grandfather killed him thirty years ago.”

“Liar!” Rey slashed at him with her saber and he leapt out of the way, stumbling backwards to reach the door. It slid open and he stepped out.

Rey paced forward; teeth bared. “He was there. On that throne. With you. You knew! You knew all this time and you didn’t tell me.”

Her saber flashed forward again and Kylo dodged it deftly, his hand hovering over his own weapon.

“I didn’t,” he said eyeing her lightsaber warily. “I did, but…”

“LIAR!” Rey screamed, driving him back towards a crevice that gaped in the floor of the chamber.

He edged sideways. “I never knew about Palpatine. It’s not possible. Rey, you know it isn’t. I never lied to you. You know that.”

“You did! You kept things from me. Manipulated me,” said Rey through gritted teeth.

“We’re on opposite sides of a war.” Kylo attempted to reason with her. “You don’t tell me everything either. I don’t expect you to. And I’m not trying to manipulate you.”

“But you have before. Or have you forgotten? You tried to make me believe that I was worthless. Unless I joined you.”

Kylo forced himself to stay still. “I didn’t. I told you that your parents were worthless. And they were. You knew that. I didn’t tell you anything you didn’t know already.”

“You told me I was nothing!” snapped Rey on an angry sob, gripping her saber tightly in her fist.

Kylo began to feel an anger of his own rising to the surface.

“I had just offered you everything! The whole galaxy! I saved you from Snoke. And you… you acted like I was disappointing you. _You_!”

A vicious smile curled Rey’s lips. “And there it is. You think I’m beneath you. You think I should be honoured that you offered to rule the galaxy with me!”

“You should have been!” retorted Kylo, pushed to new depths. “What more do you want? What did you expect? I told you what I saw. I never tried to deceive you.”

Rey’s rage gave vent to a mindless battle cry, lunging at him. Kylo swerved to avoid her and took his chance to escape as she swivelled around for a second pass. He leapt backwards through the gap in the floor to land heavily on the ground below. A wave crashed over him and he staggered, momentarily disoriented, shaking his drenched hair aside.

He was outside; that much he could see through the water clinging to his eyelashes. He didn’t have time to take in any more as Rey landed beside him and he brought his lightsaber up in a blaze to bat away her strike. He was forced back to retaliate, using the first opportunity to drag his free arm over his eyes, pushing his hair off his face. Rey was advancing on him like a wrathful goddess, her red dress swirling around her, wet hair whipping around her face. His own anger was dispelled at the sight, dissipating into something else.

A year ago, he suspected this spectacle of a magnificent, bloodthirsty Rey giving in to her darkness would have had a decidedly different effect on him. Now it made him distinctly nauseous.

“Stop!” he shouted over the wind shrieking in his ears. “This isn’t you.”

“You don’t know me!”

Her saber darted at him savagely and he deflected it, moving hastily to the side.

“Nobody does!” she screamed, charging again and he had to raise his blade to parry hers, spitting along its length to lock it in place on his crossguard.

“But I do,” he said over their crossed blades and she disengaged with a howl of fury, twisting her body around to clash sabers with him again.

He had no chance to attempt any sort of conciliation after that. Rey pursued him relentlessly, striking again and again and Kylo preserved his energy, retaliating by shutting down her attacks as efficiently as possible. Anger made her lunges wild and erratic, leaving her vulnerable to counteroffensives of his own, but he held back, restraining himself from taking advantage of any openings she gave him. Rey knew it and this only served to infuriate her further.

“Fight back!” she yelled, mounting another assault, battering at his lightsaber to get him to drop his defences.

He side-stepped again, riding out her storms until he could see her momentum finally begin to wane. Every thrust was becoming a greater and greater effort, her breath tearing from her in gasps and now Kylo could stride inexorably forward as she was forced into retreat, mercilessly slamming her blade down every time she raised it.

Rey scrambled back, shielding herself and Kylo smashed her saber out of her weakened grip. She reeled from the impact and fell, landing on her back, saber skating over the wet hull. Kylo kicked it further away and went down on a knee before her as she struggled up on her elbows.

“Stop,” he said urgently. “You won’t win. Not like this. You’re drawing your power from the Dark Side. Don’t do it. This is what he wants.”

“Isn’t this what you want?” Her face contorted, her voice vicious. “Or is the reality not measuring up to the fantasy?” She saw him flinch and laughed.

“Poor Kylo. What’s wrong? Does the Supreme Leader prefer the sad little scavenger from nowhere after all?”

She sat up suddenly, her hand flinging out and, in a heartbeat, her lightsaber was ablaze in her grip. She sprang at him, toppling him backwards. Kylo steadied himself upright on the palms of his hands and slithered back but Rey had already dived forward, clambering over his legs to straddle his thighs, her lightsaber at his throat.

“I saw inside your head,” she hissed leaning in. “I saw what you wanted to do. This is your last chance before you die. Or don’t you want to kiss me anymore?”

Kylo strove to keep his posture steady, his chin inches above the blue blade sizzling droplets of sea spray into steam.

“You won’t kill me,” he said with a confidence he wasn’t quite feeling. “This isn’t you, Rey. I know it. I know you do too.”

Her sneer twisted on a sob. “That’s just it. It is me. I’ve seen things. Inside my head. Things I’ve done. I just pushed it all down. Hid it away. And after all that, I find out that I was born from the Dark Side. No, not born. Manufactured. It’s in my nature. It was always what I was supposed to be.”

“No,” said Kylo desperately. “You can always choose. Don’t do this.”

“You chose. Why can’t I? I’m giving you a choice now,” said Rey, her tone horribly matter-of-fact. “You don’t have to die. We can be whatever we want. We could be together. I know what it is _you_ want.” She leaned in closer, her voice lowering so he could hardly hear her over the crashing of the waves.

“It’s what I want too.”

Kylo stared at her, his heart hammering in his chest. This was the second time in a couple of days he had received the same invitation from Rey and although both times she hadn’t been herself, this time was infinitely, infinitely worse. But somewhere in there was Rey. He was sure of it. She wasn’t completely lost.

“Put the lightsaber down,” he said.

She shook her head with a mirthless smile. “No. But I will take yours.”

He placed it into her hand without demur and she slid it into her belt, her own saber dropping away from under his chin and moving slightly to the side. When she looked back at him, her hazel eyes burned with triumph and something else that made Kylo’s breath catch in his throat. She laid her free hand on his chest, grasping his tunic to pull herself closer, to settle more comfortably on his lap. He sat up straighter, watching Rey warily as her fingers gripped his tunic into her fist, drawing him towards her.

“You don’t have to pretend you don’t want this too,” she said. “We both know you do. I saw what you tried to hide in your mind. And I’m not that little girl who’s afraid of it anymore. Not now I know I was made for you.”

She reared up, lunging forward on her knees, her mouth slamming into his. Kylo was forced back by the ferocity of her kiss, his palms scooting back to support them both. She released the pressure to adjust her angle, and he heaved in a breath before she dived in again, her lips cold and firm against his, ruthlessly kissing them to make him submit to her demands. She tasted like salt.

Her hand tugged at his tunic, dragging him back with her as she sat down on his lap and Kylo’s body thrilled at the sensation despite himself.

But this was wrong. So wrong.

His eyes opened and he began to pull away, to shift his body back from underneath her. Rey made a small feral sound and gripped the back of his neck to pull him down to her.

“No. Rey, stop,” he said, and her eyes opened.

Kylo’s heart thumped as she stared at him through slightly glazed eyes, a hectic flush in her cheeks. She looked almost like that wistful drunken Rey who had innocently asked him if they could kiss through the Force and something broke inside him.

Kylo’s exhale left him in a long shudder, his hand rising to bury his fingers in the wet hair behind her neck. He dipped his head, nudging her nose aside with his own to find her lips and pressed into them softly, warding her off gently with his forehead when she tried to kiss him back as fiercely as she had done before.

“Rey,” he whispered and slid his hand from her hair to run his fingers along the curve of her jaw, his thumb caressing the side of her mouth to open it. He felt her breathe sharply against his lips before closing them over hers.

A quiver ran through her, her eyes fluttered shut and she melted against him, lightsaber dropping with a disregarded thunk and sizzle to the ground. Her lips surrendered to him, soft now but just as eager to return his kisses, her hand creeping up his chest to touch his throat, his ear, his hair.

And now Kylo was kissing her, all restraints forgotten, his other hand rising to clasp her back through her flimsy sodden dress.

“Ben!” she whispered, and his pulse quickened.

He wrapped both arms around her to bring her closer and kiss her more fervently, urging her lips further apart. They both started, electrified as their tongues touched for a fleeting moment, and then Rey was clawing at his back, her thighs tightening around him. It was almost too much for Kylo and he hardly knew what he was doing as his hands slipped down her excitingly slim waist to spread over her even more excitingly curved hips. Holding them firmly in place as he dropped his knees down, rocking them both into a wilder state of reckless abandon. Rey’s kisses grew hungrier, her hands roving over him, exploring, tangling in his wet hair, sliding over his shoulders. Settling on the backs of his arms, her nails digging in as he moved under her again. Despite the cold blustery squalls of the tempest surging around them, her lips were warm now, as warm as Kylo’s skin under his soaking clothes.

Nothing else existed apart from Rey’s lips kissing him, Rey’s heart beating against his, Rey’s hips under his fingers unbelievably, wonderfully beginning to counter his movements with her own.

And suddenly with a sharp little yelp, she stopped. All of it. Everything.

Kylo’s eyes popped open as cold air met his searching lips. He looked down to see her shove her lightsaber aside, rub her shin through her singed boot. She sat back on his knees, meeting his eyes a little shyly. He stared at her dazedly, seeing her mouth twist into an embarrassed grimace.

“I’m pretty sure Luke did that,” she said on a shaky laugh.

And even though his entire body screamed to drag her back to him, Kylo felt relief flood through his confused frustration.

“Rey!”

Rey’s smile froze on her lips as she stared back at him. She shook her head and struggled to her feet, pinioning Kylo to the ground with hard little fingers to support her rise. He rolled onto his elbow, watching her expression for some sort of clue as to what she was thinking. But she seemed determined to shut down any hint of emotion, glancing away from him to where they had descended from the chamber above.

“Did you see if there was a holocron?” she asked in a brittle little voice.

“What?” said Kylo uncertainly. “What happened… we should -”

“It shouldn’t have happened!” snapped Rey and now to his horror he could see what emotions she was trying to hide.

She blinked back desperate tears as he launched himself to his feet with a series of unfortunate squelches and squeaks from his soaked padded tunic and rubber soled boots on wet metal.

“Rey!” he started and stalled when she backed away.

Kylo stood there, not quite fathoming what was happening, dimly aware that at some point the wind must have abated, the driving rain now nothing more than fine drizzle. He suppressed a shiver as his damp clothing settled back against his skin and tried not to notice how Rey’s red dress clung to her.

“I went to the Dark Side,” she said, her voice breaking. “I couldn’t stop myself. I didn’t _want_ to.”

Kylo didn’t quite know how to answer that. He wasn’t sure how she would react to anything he could offer. After all, he had embraced the Dark Side himself and had urged her to do the same just over a year ago. It had been as much a revelation to him as it was to her that when presented with Dark Rey in all her glory, it was in fact, the complete opposite of what he really wanted for her.

“You came back,” he reminded her.

Her chin wobbled and then her teeth set together firmly, her head rising in a semblance of her old determination. “We have to finish this. Whatever this threat is. The dyad. All of it.”

Kylo’s heart sank. “Yes,” he assented before bracing himself. “Your vision.” He saw her eyes waver. “What did you see?”

“It wasn’t just that,” she said with forced calm. “I saw things. Other things while we were fighting. I don’t know what’s true anymore.”

He frowned curiously at her and took a step closer.

She shifted away. “Don’t! I don’t trust myself. What we did…what _I_ did…” She flushed, dropping her gaze.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” said Kylo, desperately placating.

Her eyes flashed back to his in disbelief. “I tried to kill you! I held you hostage with my lightsaber so I could…” Her mortification mounted under his gaze. “I _kissed_ you!” She shook her head despairingly. “You’ve given yourself over to the Dark Side. You probably don’t think any of what happened is that bad. That was probably all just normal for you. It wasn’t for me.”

“What?” interrupted Kylo incredulously. “You think that was normal for me? You think that’s something _I_ do? I don’t. That had nothing to do with the Force, Dark Side or not.”

“Yes, it did,” insisted Rey. “It was because of the dyad. You told me what Luke said and I saw it in my own vision. We’re being manipulated. None of that was real. It couldn’t be.”

She was wrong. Kylo knew it. Because this was the part that didn’t feel real. Rey, willing and eager in his arms had been the most real thing he had ever experienced. Not this awful impasse, with her standing too far away, glaring at him stubbornly under a leaden grey sky.

But she didn’t want to hear that and Kylo couldn’t bring himself to fight her anymore. Chills were beginning to set into his tired limbs from his wet clothes and too much had happened in such a short space of time for him to bring a cohesive argument to bear.

“Okay,” he capitulated brusquely and strode past her, flinging himself upwards to climb back into the throne room.

Rey watched him disappear into the opening above, conscious of a contrary feeling of disappointment. She had won the argument but felt none of the satisfaction that should bring with it.

It had been a long time since Lando Calrissian had felt under this kind of pressure to comply. He had decided a couple of years ago that it was time to edge his way into retirement and had begun to delegate his responsibilities to a select well-trained and trustworthy group of personnel, and now Calrissian Enterprises was largely run by committees that reported to him.

“I am helping,” he protested on a defensive laugh. “Where do you think you’re getting your food supplies from? Or your wine? I’ll have you know it’s of the finest quality and shipped directly from my own vineyards on Naboo.”

“The Resistance needs more than wine,” said Poe firmly.

“It doesn’t need this old dog,” said Lando, a little wistfully.

Poe regarded him unblinkingly. “It needs anyone with a ship. And a conscience. And from what you’ve told us and everything I’ve heard from Leia, you’ve got more than enough of both.”

Lando looked around at the youthful faces surrounding him. So earnest. So hopeful. It was quite flattering really to see what importance they placed in the involvement of an old rogue like himself in their cause. And it couldn’t but remind him of the beginning to all of those tales he had been regaling them with. He had seen that look before, on Leia’s face, and Han’s. He had succumbed then. But he had been a lot younger then, ripe for all sorts of adventure.

He sighed. Things never seemed to change, at least not for long. Every generation seemed doomed to face their own battles against some tyrant’s dark wave of oppression, but this wasn’t his war. It was theirs.

“Leia needs you. We need you,” persisted Poe.

Lando looked at him, his eyes narrowing. Age didn’t hold Leia back from what she perceived to be her duty in the war against tyranny. A little wry smile lifted the corner of his mouth. He doubted anything would.

“Lando, we’ve got a problem.”

He looked around to see Jannah casting a wary eye at his companions.

“What is it?”

“That girl who was with them. She’s nowhere to be found and nobody saw her leave.” Jannah’s voice was low, but it caught the attention of the group around the fire.

“Rey?” said Finn. “I thought she’d gone to bed.”

“Where?” said Jannah. “Nobody showed her where you are staying. But that’s not all. We got word from one of our scouts near the coast. They heard the sound of some sort of craft going out to sea. Something powerful, that didn’t show up on our radar.”

Lando stood up. “Are any of our ships missing?”

“No, it’s not one of ours.”

“Then it can’t be Rey,” said Finn. “She’s powerful, but she can’t just snap her fingers and make a ship appear.” He looked around at the others, suddenly doubtful. “Can she?”

“I don’t think so,” said Rose worriedly. “But if she’s not here, where is she? She could be in danger.”

Finn’s eyes widened as he stared at her and spoke her fears aloud.

“He’s followed her here.”

When Rey joined Kylo in the antechamber, he had already picked up the object that had fallen out of the beskar cube and was examining it. It was pyramidical in shape, made up of some sort of resin with panels of cloudy green waxen glass.

“Is it what you thought it was?” she asked, trying for a casual tone.

“Yes, at least I think so. I’d need to hook it up to my astronavigational system to be sure.”

“Yours?” she queried quickly.

He glanced at her for the first time since she entered the room. “There’s no way off here apart from on my ship.”

“You said you’d leave me back to the mainland after we did this,” Rey reminded him.

“Why? We have what we need.”

She stared at him. “I can’t just disappear! I have to tell the others where I’m going.”

“Don’t you have a comlink?” asked Kylo, trying not to sound annoyed.

She made an irritated gesture at her sodden red dress. “Can you see one?”

Kylo manfully ignored this invitation to run his eyes over her. “You can send a transmission from my ship.”

“So you can track the coordinates?” Rey set her chin obstinately. “Besides, I am not going anywhere in this dress. We will do this, but not now. I’m going back to the mainland. I’ll arrange to meet you somewhere afterwards.”

He gave up, tucking the holocron and its beskar casing under his arm, and led the way back to his TIE interceptor perched on top of the hull. Rey followed him, looking through the red transparisteel panes suspiciously.

“Where do I go?” she asked, unable to suppress a vision of the most awkward journey back to the mainland imaginable, squished on the Supreme Leader’s lap. Particularly after the manner she had sat on it so recently. Kylo relieved her mind of this, directing her to a panel at the back which he opened for her to slide into a seat backing up against his. Rey settled herself in and closed her eyes, waiting for Kylo to engage the engines.

She had no desire to take a last look at the Death Star.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the Death Star scene I had hoped for before I saw TROS. And this is where my version veers away from the canon story to be my comfort blanket instead of ever having to watch that movie again! Although don't expect plain sailing now the storm has broken!
> 
> I put the illustration at the end, even though it fits in the middle, because it broke up the narrative too much!


	10. The Captive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance acquire a valuable prisoner, Kylo is haunted by figures from his past while Rey is forced to face up to some uncomfortable truths and make an important decision.

The Supreme Leader’s TIE Interceptor roared over the ocean, skimming low over the waves to avoid detection. The sky was brighter now than when she had left, and Rey wondered how long she had been away. It couldn’t have been that long. Night must be short in the Endor system. Hopefully, nobody had noticed her absence, and although she knew would have to tell her friends at least some of what had happened, Rey hoped that could be postponed for a few hours. The entire experience had been so eventful she needed time to edit it appropriately.

They were over land now. Rey saw the Millennium Falcon flash by underneath and sank back into her seat, her mind racing until she heard the thrusters powering down. She craned her neck to see the distant lights of the festival shine brightly to the west before they were hidden by high, scrubby hills as the ship sank lower into a smooth landing on a wide grassy plain.

Kylo released her door and she slithered out, her boots sinking with a scrunch into the wet grass below. He followed suit, landing on the other side of the wing. They walked around it slowly and Rey realised he was finding it as hard to meet her eyes as she was his when they met at the front of the ship. It felt strange after all that had happened to part like this.

“How much time do you need?” Kylo’s deep voice eventually broke the silence.

“I’m not sure yet,” she said tightly. “But don’t come back here. Or send the First Order. I won’t join you if you do.”

Kylo didn’t have a chance to answer her. An arrow flew towards them, straight at Kylo’s head. He froze it with a raised hand before it reached him and plucked it out of the air, darting around to find his would be executor.

“Stay where you are!”

Mounted figures on orbaks emerged from the brush to surround them and Rey stepped forward quickly to see Jannah leading them.

“It’s me!” she said. “It’s Rey! Don’t shoot!”

Jannah lowered her bow, but not by any significant amount. “Who’s your friend?”

“He’s not! He’s not my friend.” She saw Kylo glance at her in her peripheral vision. “But he’s not a threat. He’s leaving.”

“That’s a First Order ship,” commented one of Jannah’s companions.

She nodded. “We’ve been looking for you, Rey. You’ve been missing a while. None of your friends seem to know about whatever this is. They thought you might have gone to the Death Star.” She took in their bedraggled appearance. “Were they right?”

Rey could sense Kylo reaching out with the Force and moved closer to him.

“I’ll explain everything. But first, let him go.” She looked up at him and felt the Force around her waver.

“I don’t think so.”

Rey glanced around. “Poe!”

He brushed past her; his blaster aimed directly at Kylo and the Force swelled, bursting free in a roar. Propelling Poe through the air to land flat on his back some distance away.

“Kylo!” cried Rey, aghast.

And then raised her own hand to fling Poe’s blaster from his startled grasp. He sat up, staring at her in disbelief. She didn’t have time to apologize or explain herself, staggering backwards as Finn stepped forward, his own blaster raised.

“Stand down, Rey,” he said quietly.

Kylo stood still, but Rey could feel him gathering the Force again. She leapt forward, shielding him from Finn. Shielding Finn from him.

“Stop!”

“Rey! What the hell do you think you’re doing? Get out of the way,” grated Finn, keeping his eyes fixed on Kylo.

“No!” shouted Rey, backing up further until she bumped into Kylo’s chest. She stretched one hand behind her to grab his wrist and pushed the other in front of her.

“I mean it. Stop.”

Poe struggled to his feet. “What are you going to do now? Force choke Finn?”

“I don’t want anybody to get hurt. Please. I can explain.” Rey grew desperate, seeing their expressions harden. “I need him.” She felt Kylo’s wrist spasm under her fingers, a quiver in the Force. “ _We_ need him.”

Poe retrieved his blaster and levelled a measuring look at her.

“You can explain back at camp,” he said. “Both of you.”

“What? No!” said Finn, swinging his head around to see Poe coming to stand beside him. “We’re not bringing him anywhere. This ends now.”

“What are you going to do, huh?” Poe lowered his voice. “Shoot him in cold blood? You wanna be the one to explain that to Leia when we get back?”

Kylo’s sinews slackened suddenly under Rey’s fingers and she loosened her own grasp, feeling the Force ebb into their surroundings.

“He’s going nowhere,” said Poe. “We can’t let him. He’ll bring the First Order straight to us.”

Finn wavered and then nodded stiffly, far from mollified.

Rey glanced over her shoulder to catch Kylo’s eye warningly. He looked down at her, his lips compressed but she felt him release the last remnants of the Force and let him go.

Kylo’s eyes left hers to survey his captors. It would not be difficult to extract himself from this situation. But it might be a little more difficult to win back whatever trust Rey had left in him if he carved his way through her friends to do so. It would be preferable to wait for a more opportune moment. Or wait for Rey to convince them of their need to leave as soon as possible. His muscles tightened against a shiver as the cool night air settled into his sodden padded tunic.

“I can wait while you get whatever you need,” he said tossing his damp hair back.

“What? What’s he talking about, Rey?” said Finn ominously.

“I’ll explain it all when we get back,” said Rey, shooting Kylo a foreboding glance.

Finn circled behind Kylo; his blaster raised. “I have been waiting for this day,” he said with some satisfaction.

“Well, that’s terrifying,” said Kylo blandly.

Finn’s blaster wedged between Kylo’s shoulders. “Are you sure we can’t kill him?”

“No!” Rey grabbed Kylo’s elbow, pulling him towards the speeders Poe and Finn had arrived on. “Stop… talking!” she hissed. “I’ll sort this.”

The company’s return to the settlement with the Supreme Leader in tow caused as much consternation as could be expected. Kylo bore it with commendable indifference, the only noticeable change coming over him when he caught sight of Chewbacca and Ce Threepio. Rey glanced at him sharply, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes, opting for glancing around the cantina instead. But he couldn’t hide his start when Lando walked forward, lit by the fire pit between them.

“Well, well, well.” Lando looked him up and down. “Ben Solo. I hear I’m to call you Kylo Ren now. You’ve been busy since last I saw you.”

Rey could sense Kylo tensing beside her but when he spoke his voice was level.

“It doesn’t appear you have,” he said pithily, taking in his surroundings.

Lando shook his head. “No kiss for your Unca Wanwo then?” He glanced at the others with a reminiscent smile. “That’s what he used to call me. Such a cute little thing he was then.”

Finn and Rose exchanged delighted smirks at Kylo’s discomfort.

Kylo glowered. “What are you doing here?”

Lando spread his hands. “You know me. I’m always where the fun is. I could ask you the same question, but I doubt I’ll get the same answer.”

He looked from Kylo to Rey, noticing a bluish tinge to their lips, the weary circles under their eyes.

“Or rather the question I should be asking is, where have you been?” He glanced around him. “They’re soaking wet. Somebody get these kids blankets before they freeze to death.”

“We were on the Death Star,” said Rey, moving forward to warm herself by the fire. “Kylo was there first. He… it’s hard to explain, but he brought me there through the Force. We got the coordinates to Exegol.”

“Why does _he_ need them?” interjected Poe.

“He didn’t know…” started Rey before she was interrupted by Finn.

“Rey, he can answer for himself.”

Kylo stared at him blankly and then glanced down at Rey.

“I thought you were doing great,” he said kindly and turned his eyes back to a seething Finn. “I didn’t know the Final Order’s location. I just knew they existed. I want to get rid of them, same as Rey. Which is why we’re going together.”

“No, you are not!” exploded Finn.

Lando threw him an amused glance. “All right. Everyone calm down. You want to destroy the fleet? That’s not what we’ve heard. Why together?”

Rey explained about the dyad as best she could, accepting a blanket and wrapping it gratefully around her. Towards the end of her account she became aware that her audience’s attention had all but abandoned her. She glanced around to see what had distracted them. And promptly stuttered to a halt, losing her train of thought.

Kylo Ren was shrugging out of his damp tunic with some difficulty and a lot of bare skin, before slinging a blanket over his shoulders. He was engaged in rubbing it briskly over his arms when he became aware of the sudden hush and looked up to see all eyes on him.

“My, my, you’ve certainly filled out,” remarked Lando. “What age were you when I last saw you? Maybe fifteen?” He laughed, nodding at Rey, who had wheeled around, face burning. “He was just about as tall as he is now, but skinny as a young fathier. All ears and elbows and knees.”

“Can we skip the fond memories?” said Kylo’s voice from behind Rey. He stepped forward to stand beside her. “Are you going to let us go or not? Either way, we _are_ leaving. I’d advise you to choose the easy route.”

“Still cranky when you’re overtired, I see,” noted Lando. He gestured at Rey. “Look at her. She’s about to fall asleep where she stands. Can’t you at least wait till morning?”

Kylo glanced down at Rey, shivering and heavy eyed beside him. She looked up at him, suddenly overwhelmed with drowsiness, as if Lando’s words had reminded her body just how exhausted it was.

“I am tired,” she acknowledged. “I think I need to get some sleep to clear my head. A… a lot has happened today.”

Kylo swallowed as he saw her lips tremble on a shiver. Those lips that had kissed him so passionately just a short time before.

“Okay,” he heard himself say.

“I’ll take your weapon,” Poe said, hand outstretched.

“I have it,” Rey remembered, taking it out of her sash. Poe frowned, surprised, and Kylo put his hand on Rey’s to lower it.

“I’d prefer she keep it for now.”

Finn moved forward to face Kylo, blaster at the ready.

“Move.” He nodded at Poe. “I’ll stand guard.”

Kylo stood quite still, raising his head to look over Finn’s to Lando.

“You expect me to sleep with this traitor in the same room as me?”

“I don’t much care if you sleep or not,” said Finn, levelling his blaster.

They were interrupted by a roar and Chewbacca shuffled forward, placing himself between them, his back to Kylo. A second roar made them both jump and Finn stepped back, hands raised.

“Alright, alright! You do it.”

“Ben’s bodyguard,” Lando chuckled. “Now this really is just like old times.”

Rey blinked in surprise. Whether that was because it was so strange to see Kylo Ren finally dwarfed by someone larger than he was or because of the stricken look in his eyes as he looked speechlessly up at the Wookiee, she wasn’t sure. He looked oddly younger, pink staining his cheeks, his dark eyes wide. She felt tears sting her own tired eyes as Chewie placed a hand on Kylo’s shoulder and looked over at Lando with a whimper.

“I’ll show you,” said Lando, making his way over to them.

Kylo exchanged a look with Rey before he moved off and something in his eyes made her rush forward to keep pace with him. But a weak “I’ll see you tomorrow,” was all she could think of to say.

She stopped at the entrance to the tent and watched them leave, feeling cold and tired and weirdly bereft. And jumped when she felt a touch on her shoulder.

“I think it’s time for you to get some rest,” said Rose.

Rey nodded wordlessly and Rose’s hand slipped to her upper arm, guiding her outside.

“Come on. There’s a tent ready for us.”

Rey made no objection, letting Rose lead her there and help her out of her dress and hand her a bundle of night clothes.

In the morning she wouldn’t even remember curling up in her cot, her blanket being tucked under her chin or finally falling into a deep sleep.

“What are you planning on doing with him?”

Even across the vast expanses of space, Lando could hear the tension in his old friend’s voice. He shook his head, careful not to unbalance the small portable Holoprojector on his palm.

“I don’t know, Leia. We’ll hold him here until we figure it out. He’s surrendered willingly anyway.” He revised that thought. “Maybe not willingly exactly. But he didn’t put up much of a fight. What do you want me to do?”

The small figure of Leia flickered, making it impossible for him to read her expression.

“Listen to Rey.” Her voice crackled statically for a moment before settling. “From what you’ve told me, she has a lot to think about. She has to choose her path forward carefully. If that path includes my son, trust her decision. It won’t be made lightly.”

Lando considered her composed features. He couldn’t imagine what she was thinking right now. When he spoke again, his voice was cautious.

“You don’t want me to hand him over to the base on Ajan Kloss?” 

Leia was silent for a moment. “I doubt he’d allow that. If he’s still on Kef-Bir he’s there by choice.”

Lando nodded, casting about for something that could bring her some comfort.

“Chewie’s decided to stand guard.”

Leia’s steadfast gaze wavered. “Of course he did,” she smiled. “Keep me informed, Lando. It’s good to see you.”

Lando sat quietly for a while after she ended her transmission, looking round at the cockpit he had known so well. Everything seemed to be coming full circle. Leia, the Falcon, even the Resistance was just the Rebel Alliance by another name. As if every sign he could ask for had sprung up and waved vigorously in his face. He reached out to the navigational system and rested his hand on it for a moment.

“What do you say, L3 old friend? Do you think this old dog’s got life in him yet?”

_Rey is on Jakku._

_But it doesn’t feel like home. It feels different, and she knows this isn’t where she really is. This is a dream, albeit not the usual one, but she is still alert in case it changes._

_She bends to slip inside through the round hatch, picking up her homemade Rebel Alliance doll to tuck it under her chin. Hoping that the familiarity of the contact will assuage her uneasiness. Outside night is falling, streaks of orange disappearing beneath soft pillows of clouds. She needs to sleep, and her fingers trace the marks on her wall, beginning from the bottom as she always does. It isn’t working. Her mind starts to slip away from the numbers in her head, only to sharpen, alert once more._

_She buries her chin into her doll, feeling the air blow in, warm and sweet from the sand. Looking out she can see the moon and under her gaze it begins to explode, throwing out beams of incandescent light. She raises her hand to shield her eyes, unable to look away, a pool of terror forming in her stomach._

_“Don’t be afraid.”_

_She turns and there he is, leaning on his elbow, the covers slipping from his broad shoulders._

_And then she is home. She moves towards him and he raises the blanket so she can slip in beside him. His arms wrap around her and she nestles into him, listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat under the slow rise and fall of his chest. Closing her eyes, she breathes in his warmth and feels his lips caress the top of her head._

_“Did you see that?” she whispers and now she isn’t afraid to open her eyes and watch the moon disintegrating into shards of light. She looks up to see them reflected in the darkness of his eyes. He smiles, raising a hand to run his fingers over her hair, smoothing the strands that have come loose._

_“I see you.”_

_She can feel his deep voice reverberating through his chest and pleasure floods her._

_“I see you,” Rey whispers as his nose slides along hers until his lips touch hers softly._

_The doll in her hand quivers._

Rey sat up suddenly, looking around her in consternation.

For a moment she thought she was back at the Resistance base on Ajan Kloss until events of the day before permeated into her consciousness. The smells of cooking and the sounds of voices filtering through the blue and white billowing walls of her tent told her she had slept in later than the rest of the camp. A shadow fell over the door flap, and Rey froze until the familiar figure of Rose appeared through it, tiptoeing over bags clustered beside the entrance.

“Hey, sleepyhead! You’re awake! Want some breakfast?”

Rey looked around her anxiously. “Kylo?”

“He’s still here. In the stone building past two tents that way. Chewie’s on guard outside.”

Rey subsided a little, propping herself up on her hands. “You’re sure?”

“I can check if you like,” offered Rose.

“I’ll do it,” said Rey, pushing aside her covers and scrambling up.

She was forestalled by Rose. “He’s not going anywhere. Get some breakfast. Did you sleep okay?”

“Yes,” Rey answered, even though that wasn’t quite true. She had slept, but her sleep had been haunted by a flitting hotchpotch of strange dreams, some of which she couldn’t get a tangible hold of in the morning light and others she didn’t care to. She grimaced.

“I’m sorry. I need to know if he’s still here. I’ll be back straight away.”

She ducked out under the door flap without waiting for a response and headed to where Chewbacca stood, bowcaster held loosely in his paws. He growled a greeting. 

“Is he awake?” she asked quietly, eyeing the old-fashioned bolted door behind him. Chewbacca mewled a response and she looked up at him in surprise.

“You did? When did he go to bed then?”

The Wookiee shrugged and Rey patted him on the arm.

“I can take over if you need a nap or food or anything.”

Chewbacca tilted his head with an appreciative whine and loped off in the direction of the cantina. Rey waited until he was gone before sliding the bolt back and peeking inside. She breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

Kylo was lying on a bunk just inside the doorway, his eyes closed, arm tucked under his pillow. She was struck again by how young he looked, particularly now, black locks dried into soft curls strewn over a face relaxed in sleep. Even the scar she had given him looked somehow less livid than it had before.

She started as his eyes opened, looking directly at her. They widened and then squinted as if the light hurt them and she slid inside, closing the door behind her.

“Rey,” he mumbled, struggling onto his elbow.

“Go back to sleep,” she whispered. “I’m just here to give Chewie a break. I’ll go back outside.” She turned to leave but was halted by his voice.

“I wasn’t asleep. Not properly.”

She looked around to see him sitting up, pushing his tousled hair off his face and now she noticed pink puffy eyelids, black circles under his eyes. He looked worse than he had when they arrived back the night before, his borrowed white night shirt just a shade lighter than his pale face. He swung his legs off the bunk.

“Are you ready to go?”

“I’m not sure you are,” said Rey bluntly. “There’s no rush. Get some sleep.”

He rolled his shoulders to work out the kinks from lying on an uncomfortable bunk.

“I don’t sleep much anyway. I’m ready whenever you are.”

Rey regarded him hesitantly. “About that. I was actually thinking I need to go somewhere else first.” She saw him look an enquiry. “Jakku.”

“Jakku?” He blinked at her owlishly.

She nodded. “There’s something I need to know. About me. Ever since we fought yesterday, something has been trying to come back to me. A memory. When I was… angry I almost remembered. But now it’s gone.” She cast him a fretful glance. “I’m afraid it will come back when I’m not ready. Push me to be like _that_ again. I have to find out what it is.”

“Okay.” It sounded more like he was considering it rather than an assenting to anything. “What am I supposed to do? Wait here?” His brows lowered. “I won’t.”

“You could come with me?” she suggested uncertainly.

Kylo looked a little more alert. “I could,” he said slowly.

She looked away. “I should go outside. Chewie will be back soon.” She paused and glanced back. “He said you were talking last night.” Kylo didn’t meet her eye and she said tentatively; “You know he was with me when I came to the Supremacy? He dropped me off.”

He looked down and nodded, busying himself with hunting out his boots and tugging them on.

“I thought you were going,” he said in a muffled voice.

“I am,” said Rey, but she didn’t leave, her eyebrows crinkling together as she watched him painstakingly tuck his wide-legged pale grey pyjama pants neatly into his boots for what seemed like much too long for so unnecessary a task.

“Kylo?”

“Just go!” he snapped, and she went back to hunker down in front of him, her hand stalling just before they reached his busy fingers. He froze and then his hands shot up to cover his face, but not before she saw it contort, his chin trembling, his eyes blind with unshed tears.

“Kylo!” she breathed in horror, hearing a strangled sound from behind his hands.

He shunted around to escape her gaze and hunched over on his too small bunk. Rey got up, her heart thumping painfully, to hover helplessly over him.

“Get out!” he gasped, and the desperation in his voice tore at her.

Her hand rose cautiously to touch Kylo’s tense shoulder and another sob broke loose from him. Before a stunned Rey knew what to do next, he whipped around to reach for her, dragging her onto the bed beside him. Diving his face into her shoulder, his arms winding around her waist. She sat still, numb with shock until she felt him shudder and then she freed her arms to hold him gingerly as the first surges of misery overtook him.

And just as clearly as if she were inside his head, she knew Kylo Ren was mourning everything he had lost. Rey’s own eyes filled, her chest heaved, aching for him as any control he had left finally disintegrated into hopeless stifled animal sounds into her shoulder. Knowing his own actions were the cause of his grief didn’t abate her pity in the least. If anything, it made it all the more impossible to bear. She cast around for anything she could do to ease his pain, but there was nothing.

There should be nothing. This was his guilt, his agony that he had suppressed for far too long. All she could do was hold him until the worst of it had passed and stay as strong as she could. Rey forced herself to breathe calmly, clutching him tighter until at last he grew quieter, turning his face away to gasp for air and releasing it in long, shaky breaths.

Rey relaxed her arms from around him, not sure what to do now he seemed to be gaining some control over his emotions. Kylo flinched, releasing her as suddenly as he had clasped her to him, shifting back to hang his head dully. Rey’s hand recoiled away from his as it came to rest beside hers and he looked up, his wet face red and creased from her tunic. A disconsolate snuffle escaped him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered listlessly.

“It’s okay,” said Rey, unable to reconcile this strange docile version of Kylo with the one she knew. “You’re exhausted.” She got up and gently pushed his unresisting body back down onto the bunk.

“You need to sleep. You’ll feel better.”

He lifted his head in momentary panic. “Are you leaving?”

Rey hesitated before coming to a decision. “I can stay,” she whispered, sitting back down beside him. She took the hand hers had retreated away from just a couple of moments earlier and felt his fingers wrap around it.

“Close your eyes. I’ll be here.”

It wasn’t long before she felt his grip slacken, his breathing become deep and even. He was asleep, and even though she knew he probably wouldn’t wake if she left, she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

He slept for hours, through the rumbling of Rey’s empty stomach, one interruption from a returning Chewbacca, and two from a worried Rose – once to check where she was and another to bring Rey breakfast. Rey didn’t dare move until Kylo stirred in his sleep, shunting around to lie on his stomach, his feet dangling over the end of his bunk. She shifted back a little, sliding her hand out from under his to eat the food Rose had brought. She couldn’t help but be grateful for both Chewie and Rose running interference between her and the rest of her companions. The thought of explaining her presence in Kylo’s cell to anybody was daunting, although she suspected she would eventually have to tell Rose something.

At least with Chewie, no explanation was necessary.

Not for the first time, Rey was thankful for the Wookiee’s stoic company. Apart from Rey, he was the only one who really knew their captive and judging by Kylo’s red-rimmed eyes that morning, he was aware of Kylo’s current state of mind. Whatever the subject of their conversation had been the night before had obviously triggered this change in mood. It wasn’t difficult to imagine what that might have been.

Dear Chewie. Devoted friend of the Solos and now her own loyal ally.

He had never asked her any questions after that fateful night on the Supremacy. Even as she had sat, shell-shocked and silent beside him as they sped towards Crait. He had never commented on her abrupt mood swing from this stupefied state to a rather determined cheeriness when they re-joined the Resistance. And ever since then he never questioned why sometimes she felt the need to get away from the hustle of the base to help him tinker with whatever component was currently malfunctioning on the Falcon. Or why she would wander away from her friends just to sit quietly by his side.

And Chewbacca, for his part, seemed content to work or sit with her in equally companionable silence. Rey couldn’t imagine how he felt about Kylo now, but she knew it had to be more complicated than her own feelings towards him.

Although that would be no mean feat. Complicated was too simplistic a word to describe how Rey felt about Kylo Ren.

She hadn’t had an opportunity to mull over what had happened on the Death Star and even now her mind shied away from it. The vision and its aftermath had both been so shattering, it was almost impossible to separate one from the other. Rey couldn’t bring herself to think about the implications of what Palpatine had said. If that was indeed Palpatine and not some Sith projection. Her stomach churned at the memory.

Was it even possible that she could have been created through a Dark Side manipulation of the Force? Kylo seemed to think so. He had known at least part of it.

Rey glanced down at his sleeping face to distract herself, seeing dreams twitch his black lashes, the tracks of his tears still visible on his flushed cheeks. A far cry from the poised, self-possessed figure presented in her vision. It was so strange to be allowed to see him like this, unguarded and defenceless. He was always so restless, so watchful in her presence. Even when still, he gave the impression of a crouching beast coiled to spring.

Like the impression she must have given him on the Death Star.

Rey closed her eyes, suppressing an involuntary whimper of despair. About all of it. It was horrible to recall the rage that had consumed her, and even worse, the heady pleasure that flooded her with every violent swing, every vicious word. How thrilling it had been to see Kylo Ren back away in fear. The _power_ she had felt. The release of not having to hold back. The release of giving in to her darkest impulses. And now that she had experienced a taste of it, it was all too easy to see just how seductive the Dark Side could be.

She squirmed as the word _seductive_ entered her mind, opening her eyes. How would _that_ particular incident have ended if her lightsaber hadn’t rolled against her leg, scorching her boot?

Rey’s eyes dropped to look at Kylo again, her gaze lighting timidly on his lips. She couldn’t forget what they had felt like against hers, and she realised with dismay she didn’t want to. A slow flush stole up her body to warm her cheeks.

She had wanted to kiss those lips. Those lips that had taunted her, comforted her, haunted her. It had been all too easy afterwards to blame anything else, the Dark Side, the dyad, the glimpses she had stolen from his mind, for that sudden desire to kiss him. But even at the time Rey had known, amidst the haze of pain and fury, that this impulse came from somewhere deeper, somewhere buried. Uprooted and set loose by that wild fire the Dark Side had unleashed. He had awoken something else inside her, besides the Force, over a year before that she had been too frightened to acknowledge. It was too new a feeling, too terrifying to consider.

All her life Rey had yearned for kindness, for friends, for family. She was used to that. That she accepted, even nurtured. Many long, lonely hours had been whiled away dreaming up and perfecting scenarios, fluctuating, and flourishing as she grew older, where one or all of these would finally be hers to have. Even vague speculations about some faceless, indefinable other who would come into her life and offer her something more had on occasion permeated into these fantasies.

But this particular desire she dared not dream about now. Maybe it wouldn’t be so alarming if the person who had awoken this strange new longing was someone else. But it wasn’t.

She had never let herself wonder why she had been so shocked when he removed his mask on Starkiller Base. Never allowed a moment to question why she always found it so difficult to look at him and contrarily so difficult to look away. Why she was so shaken by his appearance when he was not completely covered up. Why she was so devastated when he didn’t respond the way she had expected on the Supremacy. Why the only times she felt really, truly alive was in his presence.

But it still felt unreal, like some sort of waking nightmare, to remember how she had instigated that particular series of events on the hull of the Death Star. It was too dreadful, and Rey couldn’t bear to imagine what he must have thought of her. Of her cruel words, her crude animal lunges, her inexpert, clumsy attempts to kiss his unwilling mouth.

She cringed, looking down at Kylo’s peaceful, sleeping face and envied him his oblivion. She would do anything to be able to forget what she had done.

But she also couldn’t forget what had finally shocked her out of those terrible hot confusing rage fuelled moments. Not force but gentleness.

Kylo could have used those unguarded moments to repulse her, to overpower her with his superior strength. But he hadn’t. He had kissed her instead. They were the only kisses Rey had ever known, and she could still feel their ghosts pressed against her lips as if indelibly imprinted there. How sweetly he’d kissed her, big lips cushiony and soft. How beautiful her name had sounded when they had whispered it. How precious she had felt as his blunt fingers tenderly traced the contours of her face. How steadied and safe she had been, cradled in his arms.

Until that shocking urgent need had mounted again, and she had felt something wild and uncontrollable rise within her, within him, sparking, igniting, consuming them both. It had been too thrilling to explore that big broad body, too intoxicating to feel his hands explore her. Even now, Rey’s stomach tightened in excitement at the memory, frightening her. That exhilaration had felt much too close to the feelings awakened by the Dark Side.

Rey was roused from her abstraction by a movement beside her and looked down to see Kylo rub his nose into his pillow, his shoulders contract and stretch. He was waking and suddenly Rey felt more than a little strange about having been there while he lay asleep. It was one thing to comfort any person in such a moment of despair, it was quite another to persist in continuing to be her greatest adversary’s ministering angel. Here in his bed. Particularly after what they had both done. There should not be any more blurring of the lines between them.

She began to slide gingerly off the bunk and then froze as his eyes opened.

“Rey!” he said.

He blinked in surprise before twisting around to face her. She said nothing, seeing his wondering expression fade as he remembered why she was there. A guarded look crept into his eyes and he propelled himself upwards onto his hands.

Rey shot up awkwardly. “You’re probably hungry. I’ll go see if I can get anything.” She didn’t wait for a reply, charging through the door to let Chewie know he was awake.

But after she filled a tray with food from the cantina, Rey couldn’t bring herself to return to the cell where Kylo Ren was imprisoned. She knew it was a little cowardly of her to send an envoy to bring it to him in her stead. But Rey didn’t trust the wisdom of all of the choices she had made of late. It definitely wouldn’t be wise in her present erratic state of mind to spend too much time alone in such close quarters with Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, I haven't broken Kylo! I just want his redemption arc to be slow and gradual in this story. And Rey needed to have a little time to think. Besides, I really really wanted to see the fallout from a Kylo and Chewie confrontation. Chewbacca was my favourite Star Wars character when I was little, so I sort of assumed he'd be Ben Solo's too!


	11. An Unpopular Plan and an Unwelcome Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is disquieted by recent events and receives an unlikely present. Meanwhile the crew of the Millennium Falcon are confronted by a resolute Rey and a plan is set in motion.

Rey might have decided against returning to the cell that housed Kylo Ren, but there was another equally uncomfortable encounter she couldn’t postpone any longer. On her way to order food for the captive she had spotted another familiar wide hulking shape through a gap between ruined buildings. Lando’s mechanics had evidently managed to retrieve the Millennium Falcon and complete their repairs to the landing gear as promised.

But seeing her friends gathered around Lando Calrissian beside the loading ramp, Rey felt a flutter of unease. This was not going to be easy. Or pleasant. At all. Maybe it would be easier for all, herself included, if she didn’t take Kylo Ren with her to Jakku. It was certainly tempting, given her own private concerns about how her feelings towards him had taken such disturbing twists and turns of late.

But she couldn’t let whatever qualms she had about that derail her. Luke had told them they needed to stay together. Rey hadn’t heeded his warning before. She hadn’t wanted to, so convinced that the decisions she had made were the right ones. So convinced that her own instincts had been correct. Even after he had told her that her plans would not go the way she had been certain they would. He had been right then. Rey needed to trust Luke this time.

She took a deep breath and set her teeth resolutely. Now was as bad a time as any.

“That must have been some sleep,” marvelled Lando as she stepped towards them.

Rey frowned in confusion, and then caught sight of Rose sending her a meaningful look. She flashed back a grateful glance and nodded, unwilling to lie outright in case that could run her into difficulties later. Before she could lose her nerve, she launched straight into her plan to stop off on Jakku before continuing on to Exegol. If that actually was the destination of the holocron’s coordinates.

It was very likely, according to Rose, who had managed to interpret hyperspace jump coordinates to the Unknown Regions from the binary signals emitted by the holocron.

Finn’s reaction to Rey's intention to return to Jakku was as she had expected, but he accepted her decision when she explained her reasons. 

“We’ll all go,” he said.

“Not sure we can,” said Poe. “Leia needs us back, remember? The Outer Rim planet delegations are arriving any time now. She needs all the help she can get to convince them to support the Resistance. We could really use you there, Rey. Can’t you postpone this trip?”

Rey shook her head. “I’ll join you as soon as I can, but I need to figure this out first. My head has to be completely clear before we go to Exegol.”

“We need to build up the Resistance before we even consider that,” said Poe grimly. “At least we’ve got Kylo Ren in custody. The First Order will be waiting for him to get in contact before they make a move. That won’t be happening any time soon.”

Finn was still looking perturbed. “You can’t go alone, Rey.”

This was the moment Rey had been dreading.

“I won’t be alone.” She drew a sustaining breath. “Kylo Ren will be with me.”

She braced herself, bearing the tumult of ensuing exclamations and questions with as much fortitude as she could muster. Difficult when she could see the justification for every one of their objections.

“I know you don’t trust him,” she said when she got a chance to speak. “Believe me, I do understand. It’s not what I want either. But I need to go to Jakku, and Luke said we should stay together until all of this is over.”

“You don’t have to do everything together!” retorted Finn. “And I don’t think it’s a great idea for him to go to Jakku, of all places. The last time he was there he murdered an entire village, or has that slipped your memory?”

Rey was shocked to realise it had, and although she felt a little sick, she remained steadfast.

“It’s not like he’ll be going on shopping trips to the market on Niima Outpost. Nobody will even know we’re there. I just need to go back home to see if that will unlock whatever it is I’ve forgotten.”

“And while you’re doing that he’ll be free to contact the First Order,” said Poe. “Or sneak off to find the Final Order.”

“He _won’t_ ,” said Rey, beginning to lose patience. “He’s the one who told me we had to stay together. If he really wanted to escape, he’d have done it by now. He doesn’t want to contact the First Order. Or the Final Order. He knows I have to go there with him.”

“He won’t get the chance,” said Poe grimly. “We’ll keep the holocron. You can get it when you come back from Jakku.”

Finn watched her heave an exasperated breath, his gaze troubled. “Rey, it’s not safe. Don’t do this. If you need someone to come with you to Jakku, I’ll go.”

“No,” said Rey, although her mutinous expression softened a little. “Thank you, but no. It’s not just about keeping me safe. I need to make sure he is too. I told you about the dyad. You have to understand, I need to do this right. So much depends on it.”

“But it’s Kylo Ren!” said Finn in disbelief. “You know what he is. You can’t trust him. He might not want to kill you because of this dyad, but he could still hurt you.”

“He won’t hurt me,” said Rey as resolutely as she could. “I know he won’t. He needs me, just like we need him.”

Lando regarded her shrewdly. “She was alone on the Death Star with him and came back unscathed. I don’t believe Ben means Rey any harm. Maybe you should trust your friend. She seems to know him better than all of us.”

“He’s not _Ben_. He’s Kylo Ren,” said Finn through his teeth, not in any way appeased by Lando’s carelessly indulgent manner towards the Supreme Leader.

The conversation ended shortly after that, with none of the participants feeling particularly pleased about the outcome. But the day couldn’t be spent arguing interminably. Poe had arranged to speak to the crowd gathered for the festival about the cause of the Resistance. Rose had to make fast the repairs to the landing gear, and there were supplies to be gathered from the market on Kef-Bir before they left.

Lando fell into step beside Rey as she walked away, her back stiff with tension.

“We’ll all sit down for a meal before they go,” he said. “Bring Ben. And maybe tell him to lay off the attitude with your friends. It’s not exactly the cleverest way to endear himself to them.”

She frowned. “Why are you trying to help me? Help him? It’s not that I’m not grateful, but you know what he’s done.”

“I do,” acknowledged Lando, his smooth façade dropping for a moment. “But I also know who he used to be. I know he probably thinks I had a little fun at his expense last night, and maybe I did. But I was very fond of him once upon a time. It wasn’t easy being the son of two of the galaxy’s greatest heroes.”

He saw Rey’s frown deepen and smiled ruefully. “It wasn’t. We were all so busy then, mopping up after the war. Han and Leia did their best under the circumstances, but Ben was always difficult. Don’t get me wrong; he was the sweetest, most affectionate kid you could ever meet, but the rages he flew into…” Lando winced and shook his head.

“He needed more attention than they could give him. Than any of us could. Particularly as he grew older. Ben didn’t fit into their world. They were good looking, confident, important and he was an unfortunate looking youth. Overgrown, gangly, and sullen to boot. I’m sure he couldn’t help but compare himself to his parents. Everybody else did.”

He threw Rey a sly glance. “He wasn’t always quite the impressive specimen he is today.”

Rey flushed and looked away. “I’ll see what I can do,” was all she said before turning and walking off with hasty purpose to nowhere in particular.

It was a long time before Rey made her way back to Kylo’s cell. Or at least it felt that way to him. After she had left so abruptly, he had half-expected her to reappear at any moment and all of his thought processes seemed to hang in some sort of terrible suspended animation awaiting her return. When Chewbacca delivered his food instead of Rey, he realised she was in no hurry to see him again and sat back down on his bunk, staring at the meal on his lap through unseeing eyes. And now that he could think again, he also realised that he shouldn’t have been surprised.

Of course she didn’t want to see him. Kylo placed the tray on the ground and lay down to close his eyes, although any desire for the respite of sleep had vanished along with his appetite. She must have thought he had lost his mind. He couldn’t blame her. It had certainly felt as if he had at the time.

Everything was changing and Kylo didn’t know how it had started and how it would end. Struggling with difficult emotions wasn’t new for him, it had always been this way. But this… this felt different.

He had always channelled his conflict into rage, using it to fuel his defences, strengthen the barriers he had built up over the years. And now those barriers were crumbling, holes widening in the cracks. The pain and hurt he had kept locked up tight prodded and probed, checking for weaknesses. Seeping through before he could mend the cracks. All of this pain and hurt was creeping back in on him instead of being deflected outwards. And try as he might, the anger he had come to depend upon refused to surface as it had before.

Kylo opened his eyes, as if to stave off where his inward thoughts were leading him. It was no use. He knew the reason. He wasn’t just concerned with protecting himself anymore.

And it wasn’t just because he had to protect Rey, the other half of the dyad. It had started long before he had known anything about that. Somehow that stubborn little scavenger had burrowed her way into his every thought, uprooting his plans and confusing all of his motives with reckless abandon. She was destroying him from the inside out and he was letting her do it. But to what end Kylo didn’t care to envision.

There was no chance of the future she had once believed lay before him. It was pointless to dwell on that, even for a moment. He had made sure of that long before he had murdered his own father.

Kylo’s eyes closed again, tighter this time.

His conversation with Chewbacca had been almost equivalent to that in a horrible competition for the lowest point in Kylo’s life. He had been initially surprised by the Wookiee leaping to his defence in the cantina, but that was only the beginning of what was to become a truly harrowing experience. Chewie had been brutal, berating Kylo in the way that only someone who had known him from an infant could. Kylo had borne it as well as he was able, feigning nonchalance until he couldn’t bear it anymore.

Chewie, the beloved champion of his childhood, the stalwart protector of his youth had been hurt beyond reclaim by what he had done. Kylo had tried to fight through his anguish, but Chewie had seen right through it.

And now he was outside, bowcaster in the furry paw that had guided Ben Solo’s first steps. Still guarding his charge from the galaxy at large, and knowing that made Kylo’s sore eyes fill again with useless tears.

He was unworthy of such care. Just as he was unworthy of the girl the Force had thrust upon him. She knew that. She had told him so when she had broken away as the darkness within her receded. Rey had made it very clear that the dyad connecting them was the only reason she had kissed him in the first place and now Kylo had to admit that she was telling the truth.

It didn’t matter what emotions it had stirred up in him. Or that it had transformed from an act of aggression into something else entirely. Or at least so it appeared to him. But he wasn’t sure of anything anymore. If Rey needed any more convincing that her decision to nip whatever she had started in the bud was the right one, his meltdown today would have been all that was needed.

Kylo squirmed in humiliation, trying not to dwell on what she must think of him after witnessing such a display. It was highly unlikely that he would be accompanying her on her mission to Jakku now. Just as unlikely as it was for Kylo to submit obediently to being transported to wherever the Resistance was currently holed up. After that traumatic encounter with Chewbacca, even the slightest prospect of seeing his mother was something he was not prepared to endure.

He couldn’t do it. He wouldn’t. And Rey would never speak to him again if his only other option entailed slaughtering her friends to make his escape.

It was almost a relief when Rey finally returned. Whatever future he faced couldn’t be worse than his own increasingly nightmarish imaginings. He heard her speak to Chewbacca outside his door and stood up quickly, kicking his cold, untouched meal under the bunk. She had a bundle of clothing under her arm which she thrust at him without a word. He took it and looked up.

“Those are for you,” she said rather unnecessarily. “You’re to come for dinner in the cantina. It was Lando’s idea. He thinks it might be a good idea to try to smooth things over between you and everyone else. So they’ll be okay with you coming to Jakku.”

Kylo stared at her, too surprised to speak. She hadn’t looked at him once since she had entered.

She did now, briefly, and her mouth twitched uncomfortably. “He also said it might be best if you… behaved yourself.”

“Right,” said Kylo, finding his voice. Too thankful that she didn’t seem to want to talk about his humiliating emotional storm to object to anything. He noticed Rey’s eyes spy out his discarded meal under the bunk.

“Didn’t you like it? I didn’t know what to get for you. There wasn’t much choice.”

“No,” said Kylo. “I just wasn’t hungry.” Although he was now. He was ravenous. He looked down at the clothes in his hands rather than betray the relief that caused this change in appetite. “These aren’t mine.”

“Yours aren’t dry yet,” said Rey. “Our clothes had to be washed. Because of all the salt water. I picked up some things for you in the market here.”

She didn’t mention how oddly squirm-making that had been, trying to explain Kylo’s dimensions to the trader under Lando’s amused gaze. The voluminous black sweater Kylo held now was the only piece of clothing she was absolutely convinced would fit him. Rey had shied away from buying trousers or the more intimate items of masculine attire. And although she was always slightly unnerved by Lando’s shrewd remarks, she was grateful that he had happened upon her to help her out in that particular area.

“Lando gave me those.” She saw Kylo’s expression freeze as he turned the trousers over in his hands. “He said they might be a little short.”

Kylo nodded, still apparently absorbed in examining his new clothes. “When’s dinner?”

“Now,” said Rey and hovered uncertainly when he didn’t reply.

He eventually looked up and she stepped back, flustered.

“You want to change! I’ll be outside,” she said and darted out.

Kylo sat down heavily on the bunk, ostensibly to pull off his boots, but actually because it felt suddenly very necessary. His fingers ran over the yellow piping running down the outer seam of the dark blue trousers. A Corellian blood stripe. The mark of a courageous deed. This was no accident. Lando had known exactly what he was doing when he had given them to Rey.

Han Solo had worn trousers just like these. Before he had earned the greater honour of a red stripe. Ben Solo had seen them in holos from his parents’ younger days before he was born. Lando knew that because he had been the one who had shown him those very holos. These couldn’t be the same ones, could they?

Kylo’s mind raced helplessly, tempted to stuff them under the bolster at the head of his bed and forget he had ever seen them. But if he did, Lando would certainly know that his gift had produced its desired effect. He wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of that. Besides, he couldn’t possibly be seen in the dreadful slouchy grey borrowed sleep pants he was currently wearing. It was bad enough that Rey had seen him in them.

Kylo gritted his teeth and tugged off his boots.

When he arrived at the cantina it was almost empty apart from Lando and the crew of the Millennium Falcon. And a table laden with more than enough food to sate even the Supreme Leader’s newly revived appetite. And much as Lando’s knowing smirk annoyed him when he saw what Kylo wore, it hadn’t the power to diminish it either.

Lando had been right. The trousers were too short and also clung a little tighter than Kylo was comfortable with. Luckily, the roomy black sweater covered the top and his boots concealed the ends, so they looked relatively presentable at least.

Rey slid over on the bench to accommodate him. “I think you know everyone,” she said, a shade nervously. “Apart from Rose. Rose Tico.”

She pointed out a small girl with ponytails on the other side of Poe Dameron. Kylo nodded at her, vaguely unnerved by a challenging stare in return.

Introductions over, a strained silence reigned as they served themselves, passing bowls of food along the table until everybody’s plates were filled. Kylo who habitually ate alone in his quarters felt particularly ill at ease. Despite his gnawing hunger, it was not at all pleasant to eat in front of so many people neglecting their own plates to watch him surreptitiously. The only one apparently unaffected by his presence was Chewbacca. And Rey, who tore into her food with a gusto that was somewhat shocking.

Lando sat back, surveying the group. “Isn’t this nice?” he declared.

Poe gave him a look. “I think we can stop pretending this is a fun time for all.” He turned to Kylo. “There’s been no sign of the First Order. Just how much do they know of your whereabouts? We couldn’t detect a tracker on your ship.”

“The First Order won’t be coming here,” said Kylo. “My tracker is disabled, and I didn’t tell anyone where I was going.”

“Why not?” asked Rose.

“That’s my business,” said Kylo and then became aware of Rey’s face turning to him in his peripheral vision. He looked down to see her shooting a frowning glance at him and realised she thought he was being deliberately rude.

“It _is_ ,” he added quickly. “I’ve convinced the High Command that I’m going to combine the forces of Final Order with the First Order. They don’t need to know my plans until I find out where the fleet is hidden and what we’re dealing with.”

“How do we know you’re telling us the truth if you don’t trust your own Command with it?” said Poe.

Rey felt the need to speak up. “I know he is. I saw it in his mind. On the Death Star.”

“You did?” enquired Lando curiously. “How did that happen? Anybody else get the feeling there’s a lot we haven’t heard about what happened there?”

Rey was suddenly very conscious of Kylo shifting in his seat beside her.

“He let me because I didn’t believe him just like you don’t now. He’s telling the truth.”

“Maybe he was then, but who’s to say he won’t change his mind?” said Finn. “You know you can’t trust him, Rey.”

“I think _you_ should trust that Rey is perfectly capable of making up her own mind,” responded Kylo.

Finn glowered at him. “It’s not just about Rey. The Resistance is at stake. That’s something you wouldn’t understand because you don’t have any loyalties. Not even to the First Order.”

“Says the former stormtrooper righteously,” Kylo remarked idly.

“I had no choice to be there. You did,” shot back Finn.

“Finn!” said Rey, seeing things about to escalate. “This is not helping.”

Finn stared at her. “Tell that to him!”

“Finn,” mused Kylo. “Ah yes, FN1287. That’s cute.”

“I don’t think you can comment on a made-up name, _Kylo_ ,” said Finn.

“Sounds like you two have quite a bit in common,” observed Lando, enjoying himself a little too much for Rey, who flung one hand in front of Kylo and the other, palm out, in Finn’s affronted face opposite him.

“Okay. Both of you, stop! I’m going to Jakku. Kylo is coming with me.”

“And after that?” said Poe. “What then? Is he going to join us at the Resistance Base? Because that would not be a great idea. Giving the Supreme Leader the coordinates of our exact location will not happen. Even if all you see in his mind are rainbows and flowers.”

Kylo couldn’t agree more, but his mind seemed fixated on another implication of Poe’s speech. “You’re not going to Jakku?”

“No,” said Poe shortly. He turned back to Rey. “So, what’s the plan after Jakku?”

Rey glanced at Kylo. “I don’t know.”

“I’ll go back to the First Order. I can stay in contact with Rey from there,” said Kylo. It seemed like the best thing to say in the moment. There would be time to formulate another plan when he finally got away from this meal turned interrogation.

“What’s stopping you going back now, after we leave?” asked Finn.

Rey looked at Kylo apprehensively.

_She wanted him to come with her._

Kylo’s spirits rose and he quickly damped down any visible response. “Nothing. But I’m going with Rey.”

He was rewarded with the slightest tight-lipped nod from Rey before she turned away to discuss the logistics of their trip. Chewbacca suggested taking the Falcon and Kylo’s stomach threatened to reject its much-needed meal.

“We’ve got a ship,” he interrupted. “My ship. We can travel in that.”

“Um,” said Rose. “Actually, you kind of can’t.”

“Why not?” said Kylo ominously.

Rose shot an apologetic look at Rey. “I didn’t think you’d need it. I didn’t think _he’d_ need it. You know, being a prisoner and whatnot.” She looked back at Kylo. “I wanted to check out how you managed to avoid our radar. So I took out the sensor tech. And then I got a bit distracted by the solar collectors on the wings. And the twin ion engine.” She saw Kylo’s eyebrows lower. “Long story short, your ship is not in any state to fly. Right now. At this moment.”

A silence greeted this as all eyes turned to Kylo, some more apprehensive than others.

“Can it be made ready?” asked Rey.

“Not by today,” said Rose with a grimace. “That bit I told you was sort of just the start of me getting a little bit carried away.”

“The Falcon it is, then,” said Rey.

Consternation replaced Kylo’s outrage. “They’ll need it to get back,” he muttered to her quietly, but Lando heard him.

“No, they won’t,” he said with a hint of a smile, seeing Kylo shoot him a look of thwarted panic. “I’m going to the Resistance base anyway. They can come with me.”

“Although, maybe I shouldn’t. I did steal the Falcon from Unkar Plutt,” reflected Rey. “He’d recognise it.” She was silent for a moment as Kylo released an inward sigh of relief. “I could hide it in the Starship Graveyard I suppose. I’d need a speeder to get us away from there though.”

“Don’t worry about that. I can cover you there,” said Lando kindly.

He is definitely doing this on purpose, thought Kylo furiously. First the trousers. Now the Falcon. At this point he would hardly be surprised if Lando decided to show the assembled company a holo of baby Ben Solo in the bath.

“The First Order are on the lookout for the Millennium Falcon,” he pointed out.

“On Jakku?” Lando laughed. “That place is a backwater. The First Order won’t be looking there.”

“They were there before,” said Finn, unexpectedly coming to Kylo’s rescue.

“They were looking for BB-8 and Poe then,” reasoned Rey. “They have no purpose to be there now. We’ll be safe if we go straight into hyperjump as soon as we leave. I’ll take it if you’re sure, Chewie.”

Chewbacca growled his assent, and the matter was closed. Discussions then became more practical. Luggage belonging to the crew of the Falcon would have to be transferred to Lando’s cruiser and Kylo’s would have to be retrieved from his already plundered TIE Interceptor, still located at a distance from the camp.

Kylo paid very little attention to the ensuing conversation (although Rey’s exchanges with Rose seemed to revolve around something called porgs). He was much too preoccupied with the thought of having to travel in his father’s ship. But as bad as that was, it could have been a lot worse. At least Lando Calrissian and that traitor of a stormtrooper wouldn’t be coming with them. And at least he would be with Rey for a little longer. A lot longer if he managed to convince her not to return to the Resistance base.

He was distracted by her fingers tip-tapping on her tumbler, inches from his own, saw the sinews of her brown wrist taut on the table in front of him. She was nervous. Whether that was because of what she might discover on Jakku, or because she had been thrust into the role of mediator between him and her friends, he couldn’t tell. Maybe both.

Her fingernails were short and a little ragged, the pads of her fingers grubby and calloused. Not the hands you would expect to belong to that magnificent siren in the red dress on the Death Star.

But Kylo found it somehow touching to see these imperfections, to see who Rey really was. And it was strangely pleasant to be so close without having her acutely aware of his scrutiny for once. Every encounter they’d had in the past had been so charged he had never had time to take in any of the little details about her. Even on Starkiller base she had woken up the moment he had taken a seat before her.

He shot a sidelong glance at her, curious to see more. Like that spray of tiny dark freckles across her nose and cheeks, almost undetectable under her tan. He was still trying to figure out exactly what colour her eyes were before he became aware of Rose watching him across the table, her brows raised. Kylo’s heart leapt in alarm, his gaze dropping hastily to his plate.

So much for not being under scrutiny. He was almost beginning to look forward to his trip on the Millennium Falcon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I liked the idea of Rey buying Ben's good boy sweater for him! And I also couldn't resist Lando giving him Han's trousers. And now finally Kylo will go for a trip in the Falcon.


	12. Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose expresses her concerns, Kylo makes a new friend, Rey is frustrated by a conversation and Finn confides in Rose.

Rey and Kylo set off for Jakku soon after the others had departed Kef-Bir with Lando Calrissian. But it was only as they jumped to lightspeed that it occurred to Rey just how jarring it must be for Kylo Ren to be on board the Falcon once more. She sneaked a glance to see him staring ahead under lowered brows and felt a pang of guilt. Remembering the objections he had raised at dinner. Which now made perfect sense. But then Rey had been so anxious about her return to the place she had tried her best to forget, that Kylo’s connection to the Falcon hadn’t even crossed her mind.

She should have realised it at the very start when he had hung back on entering the cockpit, his eyes fixed on the pilot’s seat. She hadn’t, brushing past him to sit down in it. It was only when he had mechanically reached in front of him to pull the hyperdrive lever as soon as her hand moved forward, that it finally dawned on her.

How many times had he flown in this ship? And here she was, taking his father’s place, as if she had more of a right to be here than Han’s own son. Rey felt terrible, on the brink of leaping up to offer him her seat before stopping herself. Kylo was the reason his father wasn’t flying this ship, not her. It didn’t matter how awful he felt about that now. And besides, he appeared to have withdrawn behind a brooding silence that she could only imagine he would prefer she didn’t disturb. Rey certainly couldn’t imagine what was running through his mind as he sat beside her and guessed he had no desire to share it.

She wanted more than anything to get up and disappear into the main hold now she had entered the coordinates for Jakku, but she couldn’t seem to move. Another swift sidelong glance told her Kylo was looking up at the gold dice she had retrieved from Ahch-To after Luke’s death. She saw him blink and swallow, his full lips working before compressing into a pout.

Rey looked away from her contemplation of his lips hurriedly, as a conversation she had just before they had left sprang unwanted into her mind.

After they finished their meal, Rose had accompanied Rey to pick up Kylo’s belongings from the TIE Interceptor on the speeder Lando had bestowed on her. Rey had been a little surprised (and more than a little relieved) that her friend hadn’t mentioned how or why she had covered for Rey. Or broached the subject she had spoken to Rey about on the Falcon just the day before. Not even once since the Supreme Leader’s arrival on Kef-Bir. And now she seemed content to loot the vessel with Rey without discussing anything other than the task at hand. It wasn’t a particularly difficult job, Kylo’s possessions consisting of only two modest locked black holdalls.

“Kriff!” Rose’s curse was accompanied by a loud ripping sound.

Rey glanced up from where she was stowing the heavier of the holdalls in the back of the speeder to see Rose guiltily holding the other, while washbags and a small pile of black garments accumulated at her feet.

“Oops!” she said with a grimace. “I snagged it on the turbine engine.”

Rey had to smile at the contrite look on her face. “I’m sure we’ve a spare one we can use.”

“Don’t tell him it was me,” said Rose quickly. “I’m already climbing up the ranks of his revenge list as it is.”

They placed the sundry items into the speeder, anchoring them under the two holdalls without any further ado. It was only after they returned to the camp and Rey was leaving to drop her supplies on the Falcon that Rose stalled her with a hand on her arm.

“Rey,” she began cautiously, and Rey’s heart sank. The conversation she had feared loomed imminently closer. “Do you think maybe you should bring somebody else along with you? Besides Kylo Ren? I could go, or Chewie?”

Rey adopted an attitude of unconcern. “There’s really no need. I’m not planning on being there for long. I’ll be back before you know it.”

Rose paused, as if choosing her next words carefully. “But you’ll be alone. With _him_. Before, when you told me you didn’t, you know… see Kylo Ren in that sort of way, I wanted to believe you. I think you wanted to believe it too.”

She glanced at Rey, seeing her face closing off. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to pry anything out of you. I’m really not. I’m just worried. I don’t think any of us knew quite what the relationship was between you. You’re very… you're very protective of each other.”

“We have to be.” Rey began walking again. “And I told you already. It isn’t like that at all. Don’t worry, I know who he is. I know he’s our enemy. It’s just we have to do some things together. I know it sounds confusing, but it isn’t.”

“I wouldn’t exactly blame you if you were confused.” Rose saw Rey shoot an uneasy look at her and made a wry face. “We all got an eyeful last night when he took off his tunic, remember?”

Rey looked away to hide the treacherous heat she felt flooding up into her cheeks. Although she couldn’t help but feel oddly pleased by Rose’s remark. Not that pleased was the right word. Validated, perhaps. That there wasn’t something terribly wrong with her just because she found it difficult to breathe around Kylo Ren’s semi-naked body. Maybe that was quite normal if Rose had been similarly affected by the sight too. And Rey simply wasn’t accustomed to seeing men in that state of undress.

Maybe she should if it would help take her mind of _that_ image. None of this was she prepared to confide in Rose, however.

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said shortly.

“That body? Seriously?” said Rose with an incredulous scrunch of her nose. “Are you really trying to tell me you haven’t noticed? Because I don’t believe that. Everybody did. And you, my friend, are as red now as you were then.”

“It’s hot,” muttered Rey in panicked discomfort, picking up speed.

“I know, that’s what I’ve been saying,” said Rose, keeping pace determinedly beside her. She saw Rey turn a baffled face at her and knew her weak little joke had not landed successfully. “Seriously though, I had to cover for you before. I didn’t really know if I should. Kylo Ren was asleep. You didn’t need to be there, but you stayed. For _hours_.”

“He has the Force. Chewie doesn’t. I was on guard.”

Rose shook her head. “He didn’t try to escape last night without you guarding him. You’re the one who keeps telling us we should trust him. Rey, you were holding his hand!”

Rey considered not answering at all. They were getting so close to the Falcon now she could break into a run and escape any further queries. But that was ridiculous. She was being ridiculous. The truth would be a lot easier to explain than whatever Rose suspected she’s been up to. It would be a lot worse if she wanted to know everything that had happened on the Death Star.

She stopped so suddenly that Rose had to pivot around to face her.

“You can’t tell anyone, Rose. Promise me,” she said and waited until Rose nodded after a frowning moment. “He _was_ asleep. But only because he hadn’t slept. He had a conversation with Chewie last night. It made him really… upset.”

She saw surprise break through Rose’s frown.

“It did!” insisted Rey. “I know what he’s done. But you don’t know him. He’s not just the monster you think he is. I’ve seen it. He is sorry for what he did to Han. He always was, but he tried to bury it and now it’s ripping him apart.”

“Rey,” said Rose softly, reaching out to her. “Please be careful.”

Rey backed away, needing to follow her train of thought, as much to clarify her thinking for herself as for Rose. “You don’t understand. You don’t know how easy it is to slip to the Dark Side. I did. On the Death Star.”

Rose was shocked. “You’re spending too much time with him. He’s getting inside your head.”

“That’s not it. It was something else. He’s the one who helped me back before I went too far. He didn’t want to fight me. He made me stop.” Rey’s voice was urgent. “I know how strange that sounds but it’s true.”

“It does sound strange,” admitted Rose slowly. “Could it have been an attempt to make you trust him? To get you on his side?”

“Why?” persisted Rey earnestly. “Wouldn’t it be easier for him if I had stayed on the Dark Side? And besides, whatever else he’s done, he doesn’t lie to me.”

“He doesn’t?” Rose’s frown became more confused. “So, what are you saying? Do you think he’s trying to change?”

“I don’t know.” Rey had to be honest. “I’m not sure he wants to, exactly.”

“But what if he does? Maybe it isn’t too late. People can change.” Rose leaned in conspiratorially. “I haven’t told anyone this, so please don’t say anything, but the first time I met Finn he was trying to desert. Steal an escape pod. So he could take the binary beacon somewhere safe for you to find him.”

“Oh, _Finn!”_ said Rey with a rueful grin.

“I know. I zapped him with a stun prod.”

“Rose!” Rey was surprised into a shocked laugh.

“I could have turned him in to the Resistance. I was going to. And now I’m so glad I didn’t.”

Rey’s smile grew pensive. “Kylo Ren is not Finn.”

“No,” Rose acceded. “He isn’t. But you see something in him. Something good. You do, right?”

Rey hesitated, unwilling to face the answer to that question. She had been wrong before. But that was before Kylo Ren had cried in her arms. And kissed her. Like _that_. It was still very hard to get the words out.

“I do,” she said quietly. “I know it’s there. I’ve felt how conflicted he is. He wouldn’t be if he were completely turned to the Dark Side.”

Rose was silent. It was difficult to know what to say. Her kinder side was tempted to reassure Rey, but her more sensible, prosaic side was aware that she had probably already given her more encouragement than she should have. And she couldn’t help but be more than a little worried by Rey’s ready defence of everything Kylo Ren. Unless she was reading too much into it, but Rose didn’t think she was. She had learned to trust her gut and felt she should at least try to warn her friend.

Rey was less worldly than she pretended to be, and all too willing to fly to the aid of anyone in trouble. It was one of the things Rose liked most about her. The urge to help someone as deeply troubled as Kylo Ren would be hard to resist for someone as intrinsically kind-hearted as Rey. And the connection they shared could only magnify that very admirable compulsion. It was worrying, even if Kylo, for his part, appeared to reciprocate that impulse to help her.

But that look she had intercepted at dinner told Rose that Kylo Ren might have other, more complicated impulses, when it came to Rey.

“If he does turn, I’ll be glad. Believe me, I’d be glad to see anyone change for the better. But please, promise me you’ll be careful. I’d hate to see you get hurt. The bond between you is already so powerful. If he can’t change, this could end very badly.”

Rey had nodded, glad that this was the end of that particular conversation. She had already been forced to think about Kylo Ren more than she felt comfortable with.

That conversation wasn’t one Rey would soon forget, however. Particularly now, as she and the thankfully oblivious object of it were sequestered together, alone and unspeaking in a tight space. A movement to her right caught her eye and she saw a porg flutter down onto the control panel, and hop along, regarding the lit buttons with interest.

She glanced up at Kylo to see his brows draw together.

“What is that?”

“A porg,” said Rey. “They got on board when I was on Ahch-To.”

She kept her eyes on him, feeling a momentary flurry of panic for the unsuspecting porg as Kylo’s hand shot forward. But all he did was scoop the creature off the panel. The porg squawked irritably, shaking out his feathers and hopped onto Kylo’s knee to watch the stars shoot by through the viewport.

“It was making for the deflector shield controls,” said Kylo, meeting her surprised eyes.

She nodded. “They do have a tendency to meddle with the instruments. They have got better though. Chewie has them trained not to do too much damage.”

She kicked herself for bringing up the Wookiee’s name as soon as she said it, but it didn’t seem to affect Kylo this time. He remained composed, and Rey was unexpectedly warmed to see his fingers absently stroke the porg’s ruffled feathers as it settled more comfortably in his lap with a pleased coo.

“You didn’t tell them about Palpatine,” said Kylo. “Why not?”

“I’m not sure,” she said. “I mean I’m not sure what to think about that. You said it couldn’t be true.” She paused, narrowing her eyes at him. “Why? Have you changed your mind?”

“I don’t know how it would be possible,” he said. “But _someone_ is controlling the Final Order.”

She was silent for a moment. “When I had my vision… didn’t you have the same one?”

Kylo's eyes met hers fleetingly. “No.”

Rey looked at him curiously. “Did you have a vision?” Kylo nodded and she felt cold creeping over her when he wouldn’t look back at her. “Was it like the other one? Did I… did I die?”

“No,” he said, intent on scratching the blissful porg’s head. “You didn’t.”

“But somebody did.”

“Yes,” said Kylo eventually. “I did.”

She bit back a gasp, her eyes searching his face. “How? What happened?”

This time he did glance at her. “You killed me.”

“Me!” she cried, startling the porg into flight.

He didn’t answer her, watching the porg land on the control panel again to eye her with reproach.

Rey cast about for an explanation that would satisfy this vision. “Maybe it was warning you about how I would be. On the Death Star. Was that what you saw?”

“No,” said Kylo, reaching out, palm flat for the porg to sniff suspiciously. “I’m not sure when it was. It felt like everything… all of this was over.” He gave up trying to entice the porg back and looked at her. “You thought it was something you had to do.”

She stared at him, wondering how he could be so calm. “I don’t understand. Were we fighting? Had I turned to the Dark Side?”

“No.”

She shook her head. “I wouldn’t do it.” She tried to interpret his expression unavailingly and felt a little desperate. “I wouldn’t! Not now.”

“We don’t always know what we’re capable of,” was all he said.

“Maybe. But I don’t believe it. I saw you trying to make me accept the Dark Side, remember? But you didn’t. You didn’t try to turn me. I wouldn’t be here, with you now, if that’s what happened.”

He looked at her, attention caught. “Do you think I wouldn’t try again? In the future?”

She frowned. “Do you?”

“I don’t know,” he said.

Her frown deepened. “Why would you say that?”

He shrugged uncomfortably. “Sometimes things just happen. I’ve done plenty of things I never thought I would.”

The porg bounced from the panel onto Kylo’s knee again and ventured along his thigh to nestle into the crook of his arm. Rey watched it, feeling vaguely ill. Kylo’s acceptance of his prophesied doom and his own dark impulses seemed horrific to her. How could anyone reach a point where anything, no matter how horrible, could be possible? How could he trust her, or himself, so little? And how could she trust him when he was more or less telling her she shouldn’t?

He looked up, meeting her eyes. “How did you imagine all of this would end?”

Rey glared at him wordlessly, hating his reasonable tone. It was bad enough to be heading back to Jakku to find out she knew not what. And now this. She would have infinitely preferred him to be angry with her for what he had seen her do. Where was the Kylo that raged against his destiny when she needed him most? This Kylo made everything inside her blend into a nasty concoction of sadness and exasperation.

She got up suddenly, reaching over him to yank back the autopilot switch.

“I’m going to the hold to… check on things,” she snapped, ignoring two pairs of disconcerted dark eyes.

Lando’s freighter was much more modern and commodious than the Millennium Falcon, or the vast majority of the ships belonging to the Resistance for that matter. Poe roved all over it, examining the cockpit and engineering bay in wide-eyed envy.

“The Falcon was a beauty in her day,” said Lando reminiscently. “Before Han got his paws on it.”

Chewbacca, seated in the co-pilots chair, growled and he laughed. “Come on! After the Kessel run she was never the same.”

“I heard about that,” said Poe. “How did he do that? It’s impossible to make that run in fourteen parsecs.” An interjection from Chewbacca made him snort. “Twelve? See? Impossible!”

Lando proceeded to tell the story and Rose only half-listened, conscious of Finn’s silence in the seat opposite. A silence that had been almost unbroken since they had left Rey with Kylo Ren earlier that day.

“You okay?” she asked quietly, and he glanced over with an unconvincing sort of nod.

“No, you’re not.” She got up and tilted her head to the crew lounge area. “Come on.”

When he took his place beside her on the plush seats, she folded her hands on her lap. “You couldn’t have stopped her. And you can’t stay angry. She has to do this.”

“I’m not angry,” Finn objected. “I’m worried. Rey has a blind spot when it comes to Kylo Ren. You heard him. You’ve seen what he’s like. He’s not doing this to help her. He’s got his own reasons and she just can’t see it.”

“Rey knows what she’s doing,” said Rose, despite her own qualms on the subject. “Wouldn’t you rather know that she’s safer with him? Because that’s what Luke told them. We don’t understand the Force like they do. I really don’t think she has anything to fear from him. At least until all this dyad stuff is over.”

“You haven’t heard the stories I’ve heard about him. When I was in the First Order. The things he did. The things I’ve seen him do.” Finn shook his head. “Torture. Murder. He gets inside people’s heads and rips their thoughts from them. He’s evil, Rose.”

“Maybe he’s different now,” said Rose, aware of how feeble that sounded in the face of Finn’s accusations. “People can change. You know that. I have. This war changed everything for me. And you. You left the First Order. You joined the Resistance. I know that wasn’t always your plan.”

“I never chose to be there. I left the first chance I got. Even though I was conditioned to believe we were doing the right thing, the moment we were told to fire on those villagers I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. And Kylo Ren was the one giving the orders.”

Rose looked at him curiously. “You never talk about the First Order,” she said. “I mean, you never talk about your time there.”

“That’s because I don’t want to,” said Finn shortly. “I don’t want to remember it.”

“But it was most of your life. You don’t want to remember any of it?” Rose regarded him hesitantly. “What about the other stormtroopers? Didn’t you have any friends there?”

Finn looked away. “I can’t think about that. It doesn’t matter now.”

Rose’s brow crinkled. “Yes, it does! You may be on the opposite side of this war now, but you can’t pretend none of it ever happened.”

“What am I supposed to do?” said Finn. “I’m in the Resistance. It doesn’t matter what I was before. It shouldn’t.”

“But it’s a part of who you are,” said Rose. “Just like all of those other stormtroopers who have no choice to be there. They were stolen from their families, just like you.”

Finn stared at her disbelievingly. “You can’t just set them free, like the fathiers on Canto Bight. It’s not the same thing. I know what you’re trying to make me say. And you’re right. They weren’t all bad people. But you don’t understand. It was different there. You don’t have the same sort of… camaraderie in the First Order like you do in the Resistance. If you opposed the officers or showed any sign of disobedience you could get brain-scraped, or worse. You couldn’t fight against the system for long. You couldn’t be yourself at all.”

“Brain-scraped?” faltered Rose.

Finn’s eyes wandered over to the golden droid seated just inside the cockpit. “A little like what we did to Threepio, only a lot more painful.”

“Did you… did that ever happen to you?” she asked quietly and was relieved when he shook his head.

“I escaped before it did,” he replied.

Poe called for him and he got up to join the rest of the crew in the cockpit, leaving Rose alone with her thoughts.

They were arriving on Jakku before Rey could bring herself to go back to the cockpit. She had spent the intervening time in the cargo bay, needlessly sorting through the supplies she had gathered for the trip. Dividing them meticulously into piles and then into separate holdalls and rucksacks to squeeze into the back seat of the speeder Lando had provided.

There was however a certain pleasure to be derived from this mundane activity. Particularly when it came to packing away the items of clothing she had kindly and stupidly procured for Kylo. Rey was slightly ashamed of just how _much_ pleasure she derived from viciously balling these items as tightly as she could so they would be as creased as possible when unpacked later.

It was childish, she knew that, but none of the rest of his clothing should be allowed look as good on Kylo as the sweater he wore right now. Although thankfully the other tunics she had bought him were not so big or loose. The necklines not quite so wide or low. They, at least, wouldn’t provide Rey with any more provocative glimpses of those powerful sloping muscles that ran from broad neck to broad shoulder. That she couldn’t not see. Only because of the notable contrast of pale skin against the black of his sweater. Of course.

She eyed Kylo’s remaining unopened black holdall, remembering Leia’s request that she spy on her son. She hadn’t liked that then but now she was tempted to look inside. Rey stopped herself. She had no need to spy on Kylo Ren. He had told her everything he knew. He had told her more than she wanted to know. And it was hardly likely that this holdall would hold any vital First Order secrets.

Besides, he would certainly notice if she forced the locks, and right now, she preferred any obvious wrongdoing to be laid at his door rather than hers.

Kylo was in the pilot’s seat when she returned, hitting the landing gear button before turning to shoot a swift perturbed glance at her. She disregarded both this look and the cheery greeting from the porg who appeared to have taken up residence in his lap, choosing to peer out through the viewport instead.

They were closing in on the Starship graveyard and before she could give instructions, Kylo was deftly gliding them in amongst the wrecks. He powered down the sublight engine thrusters as they drifted into the cavernous interior of a star destroyer, long arm reaching over to engage the speed brake handle. The Falcon began to settle in a series of hisses and clanks, and Rey left the cockpit before Kylo got out of his seat. He heard her start up the speeder and opened the cargo hold doors to let her fly it out before shutting down all systems.

Kylo had half-expected to find her gone when he exited the Falcon, but she was still there, albeit as incommunicative as before. He clambered into the speeder beside her. It proved rather embarrassingly snug for two people, particularly if one were as long-limbed and broad-shouldered as Kylo, and he drew his knees together as tightly as he could to prevent his leg from touching off hers. He knew he should ask where they were going, but her manner as well as their uncomfortably close proximity prevented him. He wasn’t sure if Rey knew exactly either. Their pace was slower than he had expected and a quick glance in her direction showed him an irresolute look on her face.

He was right. For some reason, Rey had expected to know precisely where to go to discover the truth she sought. As if the Force would let her know. It hadn’t, and she had a moment of indecision, half tempted to turn the speeder around, take off on the Falcon and never look back. But that was cowardly, not to mention how pointless it would be to have come so far only to turn back now. And apart from that, she couldn’t face the thought of explaining her decision to Kylo.

There was only one place she could think of and it would have to do until inspiration hit.

Rey twisted the throttle, suppressing a wave of uneasiness. If it wasn’t for Kylo’s presence beside her, it felt almost as if she never had left. As if the past year had never happened. Everything around her felt achingly familiar yet somehow alien as they swept over endless dunes to their destination, and Rey didn’t know quite how she was feeling.

Dusk was falling and even though heat still emanated from the sand below her, she knew it wouldn’t be long before a chill would settle over the barren land. Before she would arrive at that place she had tried so hard to forget. That place she had been so afraid to leave. That she had thought she would never see again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Jakku at last! Lots of Rey and Kylo interactions ahead in the next chapter, I promise! I just needed to build up some set-ups for later plot threads. And build on Rey and Rose's friendship as well as sowing a couple of seeds for Finn's arc. Also, thanks so much for the kudos and comments and bookmarks, I appreciate them so much!!  
> The brain scrape Finn mentions is taken from Star Wars Resistance, "The New Trooper".


	13. Jakku

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dyad is forced into uncomfortably close quarters, Kylo gets a further insight into Rey’s past, and Rey’s frustration and anxiety come to a head. (There will be tears 😢) Meanwhile, on the Steadfast, the High Command’s conflict results in a plan of action.

It wasn’t quite dark when they arrived. Rey powered down the speeder reluctantly, in no rush to get out. This was where she had lived, no, survived, for so many difficult years and now that she was actually here, it felt as if a leaden weight was pushing down on her. She had a sudden longing to be back in the safety of her Resistance treehouse, or anywhere at all but here. Not that being in the Resistance was easy or safe, but at least there she was part of a team who faced adversity together. Here, there had been no one.

Every day had been yet another in a gruelling, lonely cycle of salvaging wrecks, fighting off intruders or competitors. All just to get enough to eat. Living with the Resistance had been a holiday by comparison. Food, plentiful water, freshers, clean clothes, companionship. All of those things her friends took for granted were unbelievable luxuries that Rey had never been able to quite get used to.

And this was the place where she had waited for her parents to return. A lump formed in Rey’s throat that she tried to swallow as silently as she could.

She spared a glance at Kylo to see him looking out at the fallen AT-AT walker looming before them through the dusty screen. His confused eyes met Rey’s. She glanced away quickly and pulled herself up, launching herself out of the speeder.

“We’re here,” she said briskly.

Kylo propelled himself out and mechanically took the holdall she was proffering to him. He glanced around, frowning.

“Where do you want me to put it?” he said eventually.

“In here.” She shouldered a rucksack and made her way over to the walker.

He heard a grating of metal on metal and saw her skip to the side as the circular hatch in the belly of the walker ground open. Descending with a resounding clank into the sand. Rey threw her rucksack inside and made her way back towards the speeder. Kylo stared at her but Rey didn’t quite meet his eyes.

“Can you drop that inside?” she said as airily as she could.

This was where she expected him to stay? Here, in some sort of grubby hideaway in an ancient vessel she must have used to stow her salvaged junk. Kylo ducked his head in, but it was too dark to make out anything clearly. He dropped the holdall just inside the opening and looked back to see her hauling a heavy water container out of the speeder with some difficulty. His conscience smote him, spurring him into activity.

“I can get that.”

“Okay.” Rey was relieved to be able to put some distance between them, even if it was only for a few minutes. “I’ll spark up the generator so we can have some light.” It was dawning on her that while the interior of the AT-AT had been big enough to house her, it was going to be a horribly intimate space to share.

By the time Kylo had finished lugging the supplies to the entrance, Rey had the generator running and he peered inside to see his new refuge under the soft light emitted by a hanging lantern from the ceiling. It was small and cramped, the floor sloping upwards and cluttered with shelving and equipment.

“Are you hungry?” asked Rey. “The food is in the grey holdall and there’s some more in the brown one. I can warm something up.”

“I’m not hungry,” said Kylo, even though his stomach was telling him otherwise. His appetite had deserted him midway through Lando’s dinner and that seemed a long time ago now. It _was_ a long time ago, but he just couldn’t imagine eating anything in this filthy little space.

He crouched over to get through the hatch and found that even when he entered there was barely room for him to stand upright. Glancing around, he spotted a crate he could use for a seat and dragged it over to perch on it, surveying his surroundings.

A small makeshift hammock in the corner across from him caught his eye and his brows drew together. There was only one. Where was he expected to sleep? The hammock looked much too short and flimsy for someone of his size. And then as his eyes wandered around the space, taking note of homely details like a now long-deceased plant, various dented pots and pans and a homemade doll wearing something that resembled an orange Rebel Alliance uniform. And now it dawned on him that he knew who had been sleeping in the little hammock and why it had all seemed oddly familiar.

“This is your home.”

_“Was_ my home,” corrected Rey, glancing at him defensively.

Kylo stared at her, not quite believing it, even though he was the one who had said it and she had just confirmed it. She looked away, busying herself with unpacking and his gaze followed her incredulously, trying to picture the life she had led before he met her. He had known what she was, he had caught brief glimpses on Starkiller Base. He had even taunted her about her humble origins before. But it was still somehow galling to see her so at ease in such squalid surroundings and to know that this was the place she had called home for so many years. On her own.

How had she survived like this? How had she even wanted to? How could she ever want to return to this, for any reason?

He shifted his knees aside as she brushed past him to drop a bag further inside, feeling increasingly more irritated and in the way as she tipped it out and rummaged through its contents. He couldn’t just sit there indefinitely staring at her. He should probably at least offer to help, even though he didn’t think he would be much good at it and she certainly didn’t seem to require it.

Kylo was tired, and couldn’t help but feel cranky and unaccountably let down by this expedition he had been tentatively looking forward to. His skin, still tight and sticky from salty water, was now uncomfortably sweaty and itchy from the desert heat under his tightly woven black sweater. 

“Where is your fresher?” he asked abruptly into the silence.

The surprised expression on Rey’s face as she turned provided him with an unwelcome response.

“Don’t you have one?”

She shook her head in what looked like embarrassed vexation and Kylo was lost for words. This day was getting progressively worse. Although now he thought about it, it didn’t make much sense that there would be a fresher in the belly of an AT-AT.

“Where do you wash then?” he asked, almost more out of curiosity than anything else.

She shrugged. “There’s a bath house in Niima Outpost. And sonic freshers. But it isn’t safe to go there. We could run into informants who could recognise us.”

This was getting ridiculous. Did she honestly expect him to go without washing for the foreseeable future like some degenerate vagrant? Even the Millennium Falcon was equipped with bathing facilities, basic though they were. If he’d known he was going to be staying here, he would have availed of them before disembarking.

Rey held up a large, battered-looking metal bowl that he regarded with suspicion.

“I can heat up water for you to use,” she said doubtfully. “But I only brought enough water for us to drink or use for cooking.”

“It will have to do,” said Kylo ungraciously after a tussle with himself. It was hardly ideal, but it was better than continuing to feel as if his clothes had been soldered to his skin. 

Rey bit her lip resolutely and set about filling water, charging up her heater and putting the bowl on to boil with a loud clanking and clattering that seemed unnecessary to Kylo. In fact, it almost felt as if she was deliberately trying to annoy him. He frowned, noting the tense set of her shoulders, her reluctance to look in his direction and suddenly couldn’t bear to be in the same space as her.

He got up and made his exit as gracefully as possible under the circumstances, only bumping his head once before he made his way down the ramp.

Once outside Kylo heaved in a long breath of dry desert air and paced forward aimlessly until he had put some distance between the walker and himself. Now that the sun had set completely, the breeze coming off the dunes was beginning to feel a little chilly against his face, cooling the sweat on his skin. He shivered, scanning the dark landscape before him. If he half-closed his eyes he could almost imagine he was standing on top of countless motionless waves in a boundless sea paused in time.

Kylo shook himself, not liking the disturbing feeling the eerily still, stagnant desert was rousing in him. He was disturbed enough. He sat down heavily, drawing his knees up to wrap his arms around them, allowing himself to feel as aggrieved as he liked now Rey wasn’t there to resent him for it.

She had no right to resent him. He had only told her the truth on the Falcon. She had asked him about his vision, and he had told her. And he couldn’t refrain from thinking that he had been a lot more understanding of hers. Even after she had attacked him mercilessly on the Death Star as a result of it. What made it even less understandable was that _she_ had killed _him_ in his vision, not the other way round. If anyone had a right to be angry about any of it, it was him. It made absolutely no sense.

He was glad he hadn’t told Rey everything he had seen. The serene lake under a sunny sky, her belongings residing cosily with his in that bright, untidy happy room. He would never tell her. Those parts of his vision were his to keep, and he wouldn’t let her ruin them for him. She might have protested that she wouldn’t kill him, but retreating so swiftly afterwards behind an impregnable wall of silence, followed by only the most stilted of communications ever since didn’t quite convince him.

Maybe she knew, like he did, that the conclusion to their story could only end one way.

All the same, he couldn’t help but feel disheartened by her prickly attitude towards him. Even if Rey had always been, technically speaking, his enemy, they had forged their own separate connection. And that dividing line between both sides had seemed to blur on occasion, and in times of need, dissolve almost entirely. Perhaps when he had told her about his vision, Kylo had even been expecting her to reach out to him and comfort him in some tangible way. Give him some sort of hope for a different outcome.

But nothing in her manner had supported these nebulous thoughts and now he wasn’t sure why she had wanted him to come with her at all. Never mind squishing him into an uncomfortable speeder and bringing him to a place not fit for human habitation. How could she ever imagine such accommodation fitting for him? But even as he encouraged himself to deliberate over Rey’s selfishness in choosing such a dreadful sanctuary, he knew that was only a minor factor contributing to his frustration.

It had made him sick to his stomach to see where she had lived. The outrage he had felt on entering the walker wasn’t really directed at her, it was more about everything around her. How appalling it had been to realise the significance of those marks scratched into the wall. As though she had been ticking off the days until her life began. Days and days and years and years of loneliness in that horrible little place.

And now he was to share this horrible little place with a person who seemed irritated by every word he said. And for the life of him, he couldn’t think of any words he could say to make the situation any better. He swivelled to look back at the fallen AT-AT, at the warm light glowing from within. Where Rey was. Where he would be if he hadn’t left.

Although it would probably take some time for the water to heat. He should probably stay out here for a little while longer. Kylo scooped up a handful of sand, before flinging it with some violence into the distance. The cool breeze caught it mid flow and he could only sit there in disbelief as it curved around in a slow dreadful arc to shower back over him. This planet was the absolute worst.

Every place around the glossy black metal conference table was filled bar one when General Hux entered the High Command chamber. He took his seat, glancing around at the other members for elucidation as to the purpose of this urgent alert to meet immediately without much success. Apart from the youthful Commander Trach, nobody else returned his gaze and a small shrug from Trach’s shoulders told him he was as ill-informed as Hux himself.

A movement to the right at the opposite side of the long table drew his eye to Allegiant General Pryde pushing back his chair to address the company. The older officer had barely got a formal call to order past his lips before being interrupted by Hux.

“Where is the Supreme Leader?” he asked.

Pryde glanced at him coldly. “The Supreme Leader has not yet returned.”

Hux bristled. “On whose authority have you called this meeting?”

“My own,” said Pryde. “I had to take the initiative, for what I have to disclose directly concerns the Supreme Leader himself.”

“Is this treason?” said General Engell ominously. “Be careful how you tread, Allegiant General Pryde.”

“Far from it,” replied Pryde smoothly. “I have concerns that the Supreme Leader is in danger. We have traced his TIE Interceptor to a planet on the Outer Rim. Ajan Kloss.”

“That’s not possible,” interjected Hux. “He has disabled his tracker.”

Pryde looked at him in dislike. “The tracker is aboard his ship. Not attached to the vessel itself.”

“This _is_ treason!” said General Engell. “You have gone too far. Is the Supreme Leader aware that you have planted this device to spy on him?”

Pryde lifted his head to stare her down. “I would not have done so if I were not troubled by his actions of late. You have all seen how erratic he has been.”

“You mean more than usual?” sneered General Quinn, whose lower back still occasionally smarted from an incident shortly after the First Order’s lack of success at the Battle of Crait. When an ill-judged remark about the scavenger from Jakku had led to him being launched bodily against a wall during one of the Supreme Leader’s infamous bursts of temper.

“Erratic or not, he is our leader,” reproved the young Officer of Intelligence, Tishra Kandia reprovingly. “Be careful you do not incur any more of Kylo Ren’s wrath.”

Pryde looked to Admiral Griss for support and was not disappointed. The seasoned Admiral rose to stand beside the Allegiant General.

“No disrespect was intended. Our Supreme leader is not always conscious of his own safety. But I’m sure we are all agreed that it is of paramount importance. Whatever measures were undertaken were done so out of loyalty and concern for his welfare.”

“He is not a child,” snorted Hux. “Why would you assume he is in danger? Has he made contact?”

“No, but he has been gone for a considerable length of time now and Lieutenant Garan informs us there has been no communication to anybody aboard this ship. That is reason enough to take action.” Pryde watched Hux’s expression covertly.

Lieutenant Garan cleared her throat. “The Supreme Leader is sporadic at best with his communications. There may be no immediate cause for concern.”

“I hope not,” said Pryde. “I do not propose an attack or anything that should anger the Supreme Leader if he is not in any danger. As the planet is not far from our current coordinates near Ord Mantell, I suggest a discreet reconnaissance mission to Ajan Kloss would be more appropriate at this time.”

Hux stood up to look the Allegiant General in the eye. “I’ll go myself.”

“I thought you might,” approved Pryde.

Rey wasn’t sure if she was thankful or not when she heard Kylo’s footstep on the ramp. He had been gone so long without any explanation, she had half-hoped he was making his way to Niima Outpost to find a lodging better suited to his Supreme Leader status. One thing she was certain of was that she was not going to look for him. His reaction to her former home had been so unrelentingly humiliating that she was conscious of a rage building inside her that was likely to burst forth if she had to spend another moment in his company.

It had been a relief when he had left, giving her time to let her thoughts cool down, even though they still simmered under the surface. How dare he judge her after she had defended him to her friends and comforted him when he needed it? She had probably caused irreparable damage to her relationships with the few people who cared about her, all because of him. It was so unbelievably atrociously ungrateful that she didn’t even know how to respond.

She didn’t look around when she felt him behind her.

“The waters hot and there’s food if you want some.”

Kylo looked down at the humble repast of bread and cheese on the remnant of a console panel she used as a table and felt oddly touched, despite her cool tone.

“Have you eaten?”

“Yes. I’m going to bed,” she said brusquely, getting up and turning, only to find her way blocked.

Rey didn’t look up, unwilling to move in any direction for fear they would end up performing an embarrassing shuffle to and fro. Kylo edged out of her way, allowing her to pass and she swung herself up into her hammock, pulling a blanket over her before turning to face the wall.

Kylo regarded her motionless body for a moment, biting his lip. He couldn’t quite work up the nerve to ask her if she had brought soap or towels and had an unsettling feeling that if he did so, he would be in danger of having something thrown at his head. He was much too big a target in so small a space. He sighed, whipping off his sweater to wrap it around his hand before lifting the steaming bowl off the heater to wash outside in private.

Rey pulled her blanket over her head, trying to block out splashing sounds carrying in from the still night air. And with them, the rather insistent mental images those sounds conjured up. She really had no desire to know what Kylo was doing or how he looked doing it. The whole situation was beginning to feel more and more claustrophobic and she should be pleased that at least his activities were keeping him outside for a while. It was becoming clear to her that they should have stayed on the Falcon, where there were so many places one could curl up to sleep or avoid each other if necessary.

Rey hadn’t really thought about what it would be like to share such close quarters with Kylo Ren, having been too absorbed in gathering up all the supplies she would need for both of them and worrying about explaining her decisions to her friends. But now she realised that yet again, she had plunged headlong into another Kylo Ren related disaster without considering all of the possible outcomes.

If she had allowed herself the luxury of thinking about it in depth, she would have imagined that any difficulties would have arisen from an acknowledgement of his recent emotional storm or her own various assaults on him. If it had been the latter, she could defend herself. It wasn’t as if Kylo Ren had never been urged to violence by the Dark Side. In fact, he was the only person she knew who could fully understand that impulse.

If it were the former, she could have also dealt with that. It was horrible to see anyone unhappy, but a sad Kylo was a lot easier to be around than a silently judging one. It was possible that she might have even idly envisioned herself soothing a desperate and inconsolable (yet grateful) Ben, who had at last seen the error of his ways. But instead, she had got Kylo Ren at his most arrogant and entitled, lumbering gigantically around her home, disgusted by everything he beheld.

If they had argued, it should have been over something important like the fate of the galaxy, or how to reconcile their different views on the Dark and the Light sides of the Force. Never in her wildest dreams would she have imagined being overwhelmingly irritated by something as petty as his appropriation of their limited water supply to wash himself. There was nothing particularly momentous or exciting about that.

But it wasn’t just Kylo Ren who was annoying her. It was her own behaviour. There had to be a better way to express her anger than sulkily bashing cooking utensils around loudly enough for him to get the message to leave her alone or at least apologise. Rey had never been shy to articulate her loathing for him in the past. Although (outburst on the Death Star aside) that felt like a long time ago now. And their present circumstances made any argument a little trickier.

It would be rather uncomfortable to sit down to breakfast together tomorrow morning if she hurled insults at him in her former manner the night before. She wasn’t even sure what she would say even if she did allow herself that release. Using too much water and not saying “thank you” were hardly good enough reasons for her to berate him as thoroughly as she wanted to. And definitely wouldn’t justify her whacking him over the head with her quarterstaff.

The splashing outside appeared to have finally come to an end. Rey closed her eyes resolutely, waiting for Kylo to come back in and hoping he would close the hatch door behind him. Even with her thick blanket tucked tightly around her, it was getting too chilly for comfort.

After a few minutes listening to him pick his way over the floor, bumping into things with stifled oaths and moving things around, she couldn’t bear it any longer. For all he knew she was asleep, and he was making a ridiculous amount of noise. _And_ he hadn’t even closed the door!

Rey pulled the blanket off her head and shunted around in her hammock to fix him with a quelling eye. Kylo was kneeling on the floor surrounded by open luggage, his sweater draped over bare shoulders, rifling through one of the bags she had brought with her. To her horror, she saw him pushing aside items of her underwear to reach the contents underneath.

“What are you doing?” she squeaked in alarm.

He started and glanced around guiltily through damp tendrils of black hair.

“I’m looking for a blanket,” he whispered. “I thought you were asleep. I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Well, I’m awake now, you don’t have to whisper,” said Rey, swinging out of the hammock and hitting the switch to shut the door with pointed emphasis. “And there isn’t a blanket in there.”

When she looked back at him, Kylo was gazing up at her apprehensively, clutching the arms of his sweater modestly around him. She steeled herself against the heart-stopping onslaught of those dark eyes. Rey had seen that look before and she was not going to let it melt down her defences again.

“Where is it?” he asked humbly. “I would use my sweater but it’s wet. I used it as a towel.”

And now it was her turn to look guilty. She grimaced. “There isn’t one. I didn’t think to bring one for you.”

Kylo dropped his eyes and rose, head bowed under the low roof to stand in the midst of the rubble he had created. He looked so big and forlorn that despite herself, Rey’s treacherous heart thumped.

“You can have mine,” she said, dragging it off her hammock to proffer it to him.

He looked at it and then up at her, not moving. “I’m not taking your blanket.”

“Take it,” insisted Rey, focusing on the blanket in her outstretched hand rather than looking directly at him. The arms of his sweater weren’t doing a lot to conceal him, and she was doing her best not to notice little strands of dark hair clinging damply to his skin in the middle of his chest that she somehow hadn’t detected before. Or the dusky trail that led from his navel to his… top of his trousers.

“It’s my mistake,” she said, feeling suddenly warm and hoping the dim light of the hanging lantern would not expose her rising blush. She wouldn’t need a blanket at this rate anyway. “I should have thought of it.”

“No,” said Kylo stubbornly. “I’ll find something. I don’t want to annoy you any more than I have already.” Rey’s eyes lifted quickly, and a hint of a wry smile lifted the corner of his mouth. “You’d probably murder me in my sleep.”

Rey’s flush deepened. So he _had_ noticed.

“We can share it then,” she said gruffly.

Kylo’s eyes widened, then narrowed, shooting over to the little hammock.

“I’m not getting in that,” he said with certainty.

The ridiculous ungainly image that notion formed in Rey’s mind prompted a sudden giggle that surprised them both. Kylo’s lips twitched into a hesitant smile. They regarded each other timidly for a breathless moment before Rey dragged her eyes away, looking down at the mess on the floor.

“We could spread these clothes out so it would be more comfortable,” she said, trying to curb a nervous quake at the prospect of lying down beside a Kylo Ren whose halting smile exposed a surprising set of deeply etched dimples and a row of rather endearingly uneven white teeth.

That smile faded as he considered the top of her head.

“We could,” he said after a moment’s internal struggle, watching her drop her blanket to shake out the rest of the garments spilling out of the bags.

“Unless you don’t want to crease these?” Rey pulled out a soft black tunic. “The shirts and things I got for you,” she explained and then blushed brighter, remembering the inordinate amount of time she had spent vengefully crumpling them on the Falcon.

Kylo swallowed. “We should use whatever we have. But I might take one now, if that’s okay? To sleep in.”

Rey handed him a light, long sleeved grey shirt and looked away hurriedly as he rather self-consciously turned his back to slide his sweater off his shoulders. When he hunkered down to help her organise the clothes in a more orderly fashion on the floor, he was fully dressed, and Rey risked a furtive glance at him. She _hadn’t_ estimated his size quite correctly.

But to Rey’s dismay, any hopes that a more close-fitting shirt would be less distracting than the loose, wide-necked one he wore previously were dashed instantly. The round neckline on this one _was_ higher, but the shirt itself was a little too tight. The soft pliable fabric stretched taut over his chest and shoulders. She averted her gaze hastily, trying to suppress a strange giddy feeling that washed over her.

There was only so long they could feasibly spend arranging their makeshift mattress, patting it down carefully and tweaking it here and there, but both of them seemed reluctant to acknowledge that. Eventually Rey stood up, shaking out the blanket and letting it drift down to conceal their handiwork.

“There,” she said in a stifled voice.

Kylo nodded, and got up, avoiding her eye. Rey set her chin resolutely and kicked off her boots, unhooking her belt and slipping off her wrap as discreetly as she could. Dropping them on the floor, she stepped over to the edge of the bedding nearest the door, flipping back the cover so she could wriggle her way underneath. She turned away from Kylo, pulling the blanket up to her chin, very conscious of every sound of his movements behind her and tensed as a whisper reached her ears.

“Rey?”

She glanced around apprehensively to see him hovering uncertainly on the other side of the bed.

“Is it okay if I take these off?” he said, indicating the trousers Lando had bestowed on him. That she now couldn’t help but notice hugged him particularly snugly. “I wouldn’t be able to sleep in them. Don’t worry, I have stuff on underneath.”

Rey nodded mutely, turning around again to shut her eyes, trying to ignore the rustling behind her. As well as a not unnatural curiosity about what Kylo’s mysterious _stuff_ looked like. She felt the cover lift off her back and stiffened as she heard him settle down, shuffling around to get comfortable before the blanket was finally still. She breathed out as quietly as she could, doing her best not to imagine exactly where he was, or what way he was facing and opened her eyes to look around and distract herself from the person behind her.

Look around what used to be her home, still gently lit by the warm glow of the lantern above them. Rey had thought she would never see it again and she wasn’t sure she had ever wanted to. And this was definitely the strangest scenario she could have ever imagined if she had considered what her homecoming would be like if she did.

Lying on the floor, with a man breathing peacefully behind her. Not just any man. A man, who a year ago was the person she despised most in the world.

But at least this time she wasn’t alone.

Everything here was a reminder of her past life. The little doll she had fashioned into a rebel pilot. Which had started off as an imagined likeness of the owner of the Rebel Alliance fighter helmet she had salvaged. And then had somehow merged over time into her father, off to fight valiantly for the Rebel Alliance. The scratches on the wall, counting down the days until her parents returned to Jakku in search of their beloved daughter. The little hammock where she had fantasised about how they would embrace her to them with murmured endearments. They would never leave her again. They had never wanted to in the first place.

All make-believe, an elaborate illusion constructed in the mind of a frightened little girl, too scared to admit to herself that they were never coming back, that they weren’t the parents she so desperately needed them to be.

Rey’s eyes stung, seeing her home for what it was, clearer than ever before, even though the edges of everything were beginning to blur together. She felt a shudder running through her and swallowed in an urgent effort to suppress the sudden wave of sorrow she felt building up inexorably inside her.

“Rey?” said Kylo softly.

She was silent and still and Kylo thought for a moment he had imagined those strange little sounds in the quiet of the room. A shaky sigh eked out in short shallow bursts reached his ears. He stared at the wall unseeingly, almost positive that he was hearing Rey crying. He couldn’t just lie there ignoring it.

He turned over onto his stomach, raising his head to look at her. All he could see was the back of her head and he gazed at her helplessly, not sure what to do. Under his horrified eyes, he saw her shoulders convulse, her face turn into the clothing beneath her, burying a stifled sob into the black tunic she had brought for him. It seemed lately as if all his clothing was destined to marinate in salty water.

Kylo raised a cautious hand to tap her shoulder.

“Rey? Are you okay?”

She nodded vigorously into her improvised pillow and Kylo sank back down behind her, miserably indecisive until he heard an undignified snuffle escape her. He stretched out under the blanket until his hand encountered her waist and gave it a tentative pat. When she didn’t immediately repulse him, he felt a little braver, his hand settling onto her side to stroke it gingerly.

And then she was backing up, pushing herself against him, bringing her knees up to curl herself into a ball.

Kylo’s arm slipped around her, his body twisting around to pull her into his chest, feeling a long shudder shake her body as she finally let herself gave way to her grief for that little girl whose parents were never coming home. He clutched her tighter, until he could feel her sobs ease, her tremors subsiding. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling, although guilt was rising to the surface over all of the other more confusing emotions that were being stirred up from holding Rey so close.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into her hair. “I shouldn’t have asked about the fresher.”

Kylo felt her stomach grow tauter under his forearm before it quivered, and a smothered sound left her lips. He raised his head in consternation, afraid that he had upset Rey even more and was astonished to realise that she was smiling through her tears. His arm loosened as she glanced fleetingly around at him.

“It wasn’t about you,” she said in a rather sodden voice.

“Oh,” Kylo lay back down heavily behind her, very conscious of his arm around her now that she didn’t seem to need it anymore. He began to slide it away as subtly as possible until her elbow moved down to trap his hand lightly in place on her waist. She sniffed and wiped her eyes on the back of her other arm binding, turning slightly to focus on the lantern hanging from the ceiling.

“It’s just being here,” she said softly. “It’s strange. I can’t explain it.”

Kylo bit his lip. “You don’t have to,” he whispered. “I understand.”

“The Millennium Falcon?” Rey fought the temptation to look at him, acutely aware of her watery eyes and snuffly pink-tipped nose.

He swallowed. “It’s like it’s from another life.”

Now she did turn her head. “Another life that you think you’ve forgotten. Or you hope you have, but it won’t really ever go away. No matter how much you want it to.”

A little spasm stirred his chin, his lips parted, and she looked over his face so close to hers, at his moles and freckles and scars. At his big pink lips, his long straight nose, and up into his wary dark eyes. It was an unusual face, simultaneously more familiar to her than her own, yet endlessly fascinating. Rey’s stomach tightened in a jolt of a sudden emotion she couldn’t put a name to.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she whispered and saw him flinch as if she had slapped him, his eyes flitting to her lips as if he couldn’t believe they had uttered those words. She felt heat rising to her cheeks, as shocked as he was and turned away so she wouldn’t have to see him, her heart beating so loudly she was sure he could hear it.

And then in a never-ending moment, she felt Kylo’s hand glide over her to curl his arm around her once more, his damp hair brushing against the back of her neck until his head was resting gently against it. Rey held her breath, dropping her arm to slide it over his, to place her hand over his much larger one. She felt him exhale against her shoulder, his arm tightening and closed her eyes, suddenly so happy and comforted and excited all at once that she didn’t know what to do with any of it.

And neither did Kylo.

He breathed in her scent, transfixed by the feel of Rey’s body against his, her fingers closing over his. And although some exhilarating instinct was urging him to turn her around to find out if she would let him kiss her again, there was another part of him that was glad she couldn’t see him. He didn’t want her to see what sort of effect she was having on him when he was so unsure of what it was himself. This shouldn’t really be happening, but it was, and he didn’t want to question it. Rey was allowing him this much and Kylo was content to avail of that for as long as he could for as long as she would let him.

Rey waited, tempted to stroke his hand, to slip her fingers through his, but when he didn’t move, she felt her limbs begin to relax. She had no idea what more she wanted from him anyway. It was enough to feel the strength of his arm holding her snug and safe against the warmth of his big, solid body behind her. The warmth of his breath stirring the little hairs on the back of her neck. She _was_ glad he was here, despite her previous fears of letting him get too close. Of getting too close to him. This didn’t feel wrong, or something the Dark Side would initiate.

Tears filled Rey’s eyes, but they weren’t the same as the tears she had shed before. She wished she could go back in time, tell that little girl that someday this would happen, right here, where she used to lie awake, afraid to sleep, afraid to dream. She didn’t feel afraid now.

She sighed, leaning back into Kylo and he shifted slightly, his knee rising to wedge under her own, his hand slipping out from under hers to settle back down over it, enveloping her fingers in a gentle clasp. And Rey forgot all about her sadness, all about everything apart from how sweet it was to be held like this. Until she felt his elbow weigh heavier on her waist, his fingers loosening their grip, his breathing growing deep and even. He was asleep.

And Rey drifted off to join him.


	14. Confronting the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia is reunited with an old friend, Rey is confronted by her past, and the Resistance is troubled by an unexpected event. And later, our Dyad discovers that seeking and providing comfort can make things very confusing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the Rating has changed to M, mostly for safety at this point, as I'm not totally sure how to manage ratings! But there are mentions of violence and a very brief moment of violence towards a child in this chapter. If you wish to avoid it, it's a short paragraph in Rey's dream (in italics), right after her father says Unkar Plutt has plenty of money.  
> Apart from that, the only other "mature" element in here is a rather immature cringeworthy moment for poor Kylo!

On Ajan Kloss, the returning party from Kef-Bir discovered preparations well underway for the reception of the Outer Rim representatives. And they were relieved to successfully accomplish their most immediate mission soon after their arrival. Artoo Detoo, despite Threepio’s prior reservations, had been even more reliable than they had hoped, restoring the golden droid’s memory banks to all their former glory. But they didn’t have much time to celebrate.

After filling the befuddled droid in on the time he had missed, Finn, Rose and Chewbacca were tasked with helping to render the camp habitable for their guests. While Poe managed to avoid this rather mundane task by volunteering to make a sweep in his X-wing to ensure there was no threat to their safety.

Leia, buoyed up by her reunion with Lando, but too busy to reminisce or ask questions, finally found a moment to take a seat beside him at the mess tables.

“Very impressive!” approved Lando, looking around him at industrious Resistance members tidying away clutter and setting down benches. “But I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.”

Leia shrugged ruefully. “Not impressive enough. Hopefully after tomorrow it will be.”

“Well you can count on me,” he said, laying his hand on hers for a moment. “I’m sorry about Crait. You know I would have come if I could.”

“No!” Leia shook her head. “You weren’t well. I know that. And you did help. You sent supplies when we needed them. But I am glad you’re here now. It’s so good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too. I should have come earlier,” said Lando. “I almost didn’t come at all.”

“What changed your mind?”

“You did.” Lando smiled. “And the Falcon and its new crew. It brought it all back. You, me, Han, and Chewie. Almost like old times.” His smile faded. “I’m sorry about Han, Leia. And Luke.”

“Don’t.” Leia waved off any further condolences. She eyed him reservedly. “You met my boy.”

“He’s not a boy anymore, Leia.”

“No.” Leia wanted to ask more but found she couldn’t, not sure what she was willing to hear from the man who had been, in most respects, an uncle to her son.

Lando seemed to realise that. “He’s got your spirit.” Leia glanced up at him quickly and he smiled. “I don’t know what I expected after everything that’s happened. I just know he wasn’t what I thought he would be. He’s not Ben, but he’s not the Kylo Ren I’d heard about either.”

He looked at Leia curiously. “Do you think he means it about fighting the Final Order? He seemed convincing to me. But joining forces with the First Order… that’s something I wouldn’t have considered. It could be the boost we need.”

“It could only be a temporary truce,” said Leia with a shake of her head. “The Resistance cannot ally itself with a force that has stolen thousands of children from across the galaxy and oppressed and destroyed entire systems. It’s unthinkable. Even if we do defeat the Final Order, this war will not be over.”

“This dyad thing,” said Lando after a contemplative silence. “Have you heard of anything like that before?”

“No.” Leia frowned. “But then I didn’t spend too long training with Luke before I gave it up. Well, you know how it was. With Ben on the way and a galaxy to sort out, there just wasn’t the time. I’ve only started to look into it all again because Rey needed help interpreting the Jedi texts she found on Ahch-To. But a dyad is something I’d never heard of before.”

Lando steepled his fingers together, regarding her over them. “Your son is taking it very seriously. As is Rey. Her friends are worried about her, alone with him. You don’t seem to be.”

“Rey can handle herself,” said Leia, not meeting his eye.

“I know she’s powerful with the Force and she sure as hell could kick my old ass, but she’s just a kid, Leia.”

“He won’t hurt her,” said Leia firmly. She glanced at him fleetingly. “I know it.”

His gaze became curious. “You do? See, that’s the thing. I don’t think he will either. But I don’t think that’s what’s worrying Finn and Rose and the rest of them.”

Now Leia’s eyes sharpened. “It isn’t?”

Her old friend shook his head but didn’t volunteer any more and she nodded thoughtfully. It appeared to Lando as if she were determined to hide something from him.

The briefest smile touched her lips. “Rey will be back soon. Let’s wait and see what she says before anybody needs to worry about anything.”

_Kylo wakes, squinting into a bright shard of light. He shifts to avoid it and realises to his surprise that he is standing. He glances around him. He knows he should be in Rey’s AT-AT, but this is a place he doesn’t recognise. It’s almost as small as the walker inside, dirty, and dark, with the most basic of crude furnishings and a pile of rusted scrap metal just inside the doorway. Outside, he can see an assortment of dilapidated shacks clustered together, hear the shrieks and chatter of children at play._

_He’s just about to step outside when a man comes in, dragging a tearful little urchin by the arm. Kylo steps backwards in surprise, but they take no notice of him._

_“I told you not to let her play with the other kids,” the man shouts to the woman following him inside. She is thin and shabbily dressed but there is something familiar about the set of her features, the shape of her eyes._

_“I can’t watch her all the time,” she snaps, taking the little girl and plonking her down roughly on a cluttered countertop against the far wall. “Stay there and stop crying.”_

_In the meagre light breaking through the threadbare curtain over the window, Kylo can make out three little knots on the back of the child’s head and realises with a start why he is here._

_“Well, you’d better,” growls Rey’s father. “We’ll get run out of here if she seriously hurts anyone. We can’t keep passing these things off as accidents.”_

_“Maybe we should think about what that Crolute offered us,” says her mother. “That place his brother runs on Jakku. It couldn’t be much worse than here. And if it’s true the atmosphere there damps down whatever she’s got inside her, we won’t have to worry about that anymore.”_

_“We’d still know it’s there,” he says, tugging the stopper out of a bottle and taking a slug. He wipes his mouth. “There’s something seriously wrong with her.”_

_“What are you thinking? Leave her there?” Rey’s mother’s voice is alert, and to Kylo’s disgust it sounds more intrigued than repulsed._

_“We could get good money for her,” said Rey’s father. “Unkar Plutt has plenty of it.”_

_He is distracted by Rey turning around to slither and drop from the table. She makes a dart for the door and Kylo freezes in horror as her father grabs her by the arm, dealing her a resounding slap that sends her flying._

_Kylo rushes forward, but is halted by her scream, by the roar of the Force that accompanies it and can only watch as the bottle is flung from her father’s grip to smash against his head. His bellow of rage and pain echoes in the small room and Rey struggles up to cower against the wall._

_Now Kylo can move and he leans down, reaches out to her._

_Her big eyes blink, her mouth trembling._

_“Ben!”_

Kylo’s eyes opened to see Rey staring at him, eyes as wide and tear-filled as the little girl’s in his dream.

“You were there!” she whispered, and her expression crumbled.

It hadn’t been his dream. It was hers.

“I’m sorry!” he said, aghast to have invaded her sleeping thoughts, however inadvertently.

But this didn’t seem to bother her. She scrambled around to bury her head under his chin, to worm her arm under his, clutching him tightly. His arm rose to wind around her, his fingers spreading over the back of her head as she breathed out in a shivering sigh.

“You saw what I did,” she said in a muffled voice.

“Yes,” said Kylo.

“I hurt him!” There was a wet snuffle under his chin. “My father!”

Kylo brows snapped down. How could she blame herself for any of that? Those people deserved what she did and way more besides. “Yes. You defended yourself. Rey, you were a child. You didn’t know what you were doing.” He heard her gulp. “And I did a lot of very similar things at that age without any of the provocation you had.”

He felt her nose nudge into his throat, her warm tears wet on his skin and tightened his arm around her, sliding the other under her neck to pillow her head. He knew she didn’t need him to be angry for her, but he was.

However exasperated or worried his parents had been, they had never resorted to such measures to manage his outbursts. Only Snoke had treated him so brutally, but he had been older then and he had made all of the choices that led to it. He had deserved it. Rey had not. Kylo’s heart thumped in pity and fury as she relaxed her grip, her head lolling against him. The hard knots of her hair dug into his shoulder and he suppressed the urge to tug her hair free of them. There should be no reminder of anything her parents had done to her.

“I won’t let anybody hurt you again,” he muttered fiercely into the top of her head and pressed his cheek firmly against her forehead.

Rey’s eyes closed, her breath calming. As kind as Kylo’s words were and as gratefully as she accepted them, she couldn’t tell him why this dream had upset her the way it had.

The confirmation that her parents had never cared about her was terrible, but not entirely unexpected. Worse than that was the memory of how hurting her father had made her feel.

How _good_ it had felt to protect herself. To push that pain back on another. This was why those half-formed memories had resurfaced on the Death Star. She _had_ felt that way before, so many times before. And buried it so deep she had all but forgotten it. How could she tell Kylo the only protection she needed was from herself?

She felt his hand moving on her back in a soft soothing circle and clasped him tightly again.

“I won’t let anybody hurt you either,” she whispered.

Kylo squeezed his eyes shut, hugging her close. It didn’t matter what future he had seen, or what had happened in the past. Or how any of this would end. He was glad he was here now with Rey in his arms.

Whatever would happen next he didn’t know, but this he could hold on to. This he could remember. 

Finn spun around as Poe entered the supply tent, wild-eyed and breathless.

“Why is nobody answering their coms?” panted Poe.

Rose dropped her crate of cutlery with a muffled clatter onto the grassy floor. “What’s happened?”

“The First Order! I’ve just shot down a transport west of here.” Poe fought for air, bending over to clutch his knees.

Finn rushed over to pull him upright. “Were there more? Poe! Were there more?”

Poe shook his head. “Not that I could see. It could have just been a recon vessel. But they might have sent a transmission before they went down. We need to get there. We need to find out.”

“What? No!” said Rose. “What’s the point in that? You shot it down. What’s to discover? We need to tell Leia. Evacuate immediately.”

“I only winged it,” said Poe gravely. “It must have made some sort of emergency landing, but I couldn’t keep track of it under the trees. There could be survivors.”

“We’ll go,” said Finn decisively. “And bring reinforcements. Rose, can you tell Leia? Start preparations in case we need to leave in a hurry?”

“I can do that,” she said and darted from the tent towards the mess area, hearing Finn and Poe shouting for pilots and fighters behind her.

The rural peace of the camp was shattered in just a few short moments and Rose’s heart thumped in dismay with every step she ran. Dreading conveying the news to Leia and already beginning to grieve the loss of another home.

Rey awoke into an immediate panic, struggling under a heavy weight constricting her, tugging free a hand to push herself away from the warm solid shape she was pressed up against. A deep sigh stirred the loose hairs resting on her forehead, and she froze, eyes opening to blink frantically in the soft glow of the lantern overhead.

Kylo Ren. It was Kylo Ren’s arm around her, Kylo Ren’s chest under her hand.

She subsided, heart still racing as everything that had happened came flooding back. The violence in her dream, the truth of her childhood, the kindness of his embrace.

Her breath shuddered out, her fingers spreading as she felt his heart beat under them, slow, steady, and strong. Kylo Ren had been there for her once again when she needed him most. Even now, as he slept, his arm lay protectively over her, anchoring her, calming her flurried mind. She knew she should be devastated by the events revealed in her dream, but they seemed hazy now. As if they had happened to someone else, too far away to hurt or shock as they had done the night before. Dulled by the immediacy of Kylo’s heart beating under her palm, the heat of his body against hers.

She looked up at his sleeping face, at the shadows and curves moulded by the gentle glow of the lantern’s light. And finally allowed herself to see what she had always been afraid she would, if she had only let herself, a long time ago.

He was beautiful. Every feature so unique and special, every imperfection so oddly perfect.

She yearned to touch his eyebrows, his lashes, to see what they would feel like under her fingertips. They looked finer, silkier, more delicate than those thick lustrous strands resting on his cheek. Than the rougher, scratchier stubble that darkened his chin and upper lip.

Everything about him was so interesting to Rey, as if his entire physical appearance were an attempt to reflect and describe the conflict raging within him.

His soulful eyes and long patrician nose at odds with that wide, strong body.

The soft pout of those sensitive lips concealing big wolfish incisors.

That childishly rounded ear peeking out from his hair countering high, severe cheekbones and the solemn jutting ridge of his brow.

His pale creamy skin strewn with dark freckles and moles. Reminding Rey of a brilliant constellation, bright in a night sky. So bright that if she closed her eyes she could see it printed in reverse inside her eyelids. A secret star chart she longed to discover more of.

Kylo Ren was a never-ending puzzle that Rey never wanted to stop trying to figure out.

She slid her hand out from between them to feel the rise and fall of his chest against hers, luxuriating in the caress of warm breath on her forehead, the weight of his arm enfolding her, and a deep and unfamiliar response rose within her. The night before, Kylo had embraced her to provide comfort and Rey had gladly accepted it as such. She had welcomed it, so overwhelmed by resurfacing memories and revelations that all of her usual reservations were completely overridden. But this felt different somehow.

Strangely this embrace felt all the sweeter because of the lack of intent behind it. She breathed out, quiet and long, calming herself as best she could. Because this felt almost unbearably good. Rey had never been held like this. So quietly, so peacefully, so _intimately_ , and she was overcome by how blissful it felt. To be so carelessly cared for. Her hand slipped over his warm sleeping body to settle on his waist and she gave herself over to the pleasure of being so close to another person.

Except that he wasn’t just any person. And even as she thought that, she edged a little closer.

And froze as his body stiffened under her arm, his breath catching in his throat and she knew he was waking up. All of her bliss fled, Rey’s panic returned with full force. Now that her crisis was over, how bizarre would it be to lie awake with Kylo Ren in this position? It was unthinkable!

She chose the coward’s option, slamming her eyes shut. When he woke, he would be able release her from under his arm and move away. The awkwardness of that particular situation could be averted for both of them.

Kylo shuddered awake, stretching out his legs and was in the act of drawing them back up when his knees encountered an obstacle. He opened his eyes.

Rey.

And he had his arm around her. For a moment Kylo’s mind went blank as he stared confusedly at this unexpected presence. Too dazed from the first good night’s sleep he could remember to question how this situation had come about (or why his bed was so unbelievably uncomfortable). And then he remembered.

He should probably move. He should probably move right now. Quietly. Before she woke up. Rey did not need him to hold her any more.

But still Kylo hesitated.

Now was that opportunity to see Rey unguarded with nobody else to notice. In repose her mouth had lost its mulish obstinacy, and it was strange and more than a little intriguing to see her so completely vulnerable like this. So many times when she looked at him, he could sense her animosity, her doubt, and now here she was, lying restfully in his arms, those distrustful eyes hidden behind serene sleeping lids. Behind long sweeping lashes that softly caressed sharply defined cheekbones.

The warmth of their contact had lent a pink bloom to those cheekbones and something buried deeper inside him stirred. She really was very pretty. But then he was a man and she was a woman and they were entangled together in the same bed. And after what had happened on the Death Star, he was aware that his brain, or even the dyad, might not be doing the thinking for him. He really should move away instead of allowing this situation to get any more… confusing.

But Rey was asleep. She would probably sleep for a while longer. He didn’t have to move away just yet.

Kylo inched slightly closer until his cheek rested on her forehead and let his eyes close. And then stiffened, electrified by a jolt of her hand on his side. He held his breath, waiting for any other indication she was awake. Rey didn’t make any further movement and Kylo exhaled carefully and permitted himself to relax. Feeling the tension drain from his muscles, lulled by the soft sounds of her breathing and the warmth of her body next to his. It was a truly novel experience and Kylo told himself he would be just as interested in holding any woman like this in his arms.

But this was different than whatever he had vaguely assumed that experience would be like. As a boy, with hazy abstract imaginings of fragrant pillowy softness. As a man, with more substantial imaginings of soft full bosoms and soft yielding thighs. Soft delicate hands and soft inviting eyes. Kylo’s eyes traced Rey’s strong shoulder, his fingers flattening over her lithe lean back.

Rey was not soft. Her flesh did not yield under his touch. Her hands were calloused and rough and her hair, stiff with sand, smelled of dry desert and sea salt.

Rey’s life had not allowed her body to be soft and inviting. It was toughened and hardened by desperation and hardship. Trained to fight and survive and endure. Not for Rey the luxury of idleness and leisure to smooth her skin with creams and oils. Or pamper her body into pliant fullness with rich food and sweet treats.

And to Kylo, it was all the more precious, all the more incredible, because of that. And it was all the more touching to have the privilege of holding this beautiful strong body next to his. Rey was not some soft ephemeral fantasy dreamed up by a boy. She was so much more.

Rey, who was always so strong, so brave. Even through her tears. Even when she was living through the worst moments of her life. His jaw clenched. Last night she had told him she wouldn’t let anybody hurt him. Who else, in that moment, would have said such a thing? Who else would ever think such a thing? About him.

And because she was asleep, she would never know if he wrapped his arm around her just a little tighter. And because she was asleep, he didn’t have to think too deeply about it either. It would be remembered by him alone. So he could forget it just as easily. And it was probably still cold in the AT-AT, so really, he was just keeping himself warm. And her. Actually, what he was doing could be considered quite kind, selfless even.

Except it wasn’t. At least not anymore.

It transpired that lying so close to Rey was a little too nice, and as a result, Kylo’s body was waking up a little too eagerly. And now his brain was waking up into full-blown dread, afraid that moving away would alert her. But he had to, and as quickly and unobtrusively as possible. He could not let her wake to discover the rather obvious and shameful male affliction he was currently experiencing. That particular affliction that seemed to have become a lot more regular during the past year, as if he were going through some terrible resurgence of adolescence.

Kylo had always felt a certain anxiety about this issue, fearing that it was something Rey might be able to detect if the Force connected them too early in the morning. But then, at least, he would be shielded by blankets and half a galaxy away. It had never happened, and for that Kylo was profoundly grateful, even though he had never taken his luck for granted. He had become resigned to subduing those random morning inconveniences through nothing more than sheer force of willpower in case Rey would suddenly shimmer into view and regard any other method he could employ in stupefied horror.

That rigid self-control wasn’t going to be so easy to summon up right now. Not now, when Kylo was pressed snugly up against the first woman he had ever held like this in his arms. Mercifully, his lower body was not in direct contact with Rey’s. Although there was a part of him that was definitely making persistent and valiant efforts to change that situation.

He carefully lifted his arm off her, edging away as quietly as he could until he could swivel his hips around to roll onto his stomach.

Just in the nick of time. Kylo wasn’t sure if luck was finally smiling on him or whether it had been his movement that woke Rey, but either way, he thanked the stars for his reprieve.

Rey feigned a rather theatrical yawn and opened her eyes to see Kylo, his own eyes wide and a little alarmed, raising his head to look at her.

“Hello,” he said.

“Hello,” she replied cautiously. He seemed to be waiting for more. “Thank you. For last night.”

Kylo nodded reservedly to hide his own rush of gratified pleasure that Rey was grateful to him. Even now after she had woken up. Trying to quell that warm flustered feeling her frowny wavering little smile aroused in him. Because that wasn’t helping his currently aroused situation. At all. “That’s okay.”

They eyed each other for a moment before Rey broke this hot-cheeked impasse by pushing the blanket off her.

“We should go,” she said. She scrambled up, retreating to the door. “I got the answers I came here for. We should get to the Falcon before anybody finds it. If they haven’t already.”

“Okay,” said Kylo, still regarding her warily from the floor. He raised himself up on his elbows, watching her as she moved around, gathering up her belt and slinging it around her waist before pushing her feet into her boots.

“Aren’t you getting up?” Rey yanked her boot over her ankle. When he didn’t answer immediately, she looked over and was surprised to see him glance away, his face pinker than before.

“In a minute,” he said, sounding annoyed.

She frowned and then her eyes lit on his trousers folded neatly on the other side of the blanket. Maybe he was shy about her seeing him without them. Now that she thought about it, she was a little shy about seeing him without them too.

“I’ll be outside,” said Rey gruffly and opened the hatch to make a hasty exit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope Rey's reveal wasn't disappointing to anyone who expected something more momentous. I just wanted this to be a confronting event to give Rey closure and Kylo a further insight into her past. I also hope this brief break in hostilities was a bit of a relief from Rey and Kylo's usual banter, because I'm afraid they'll be back bickering (and secretly yearning, of course) again in the next chapter! (Sorry!)


	15. Leaving the Past Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey makes a welcome discovery and comes to a conclusion. The dyad finds out a little more about each other, sinister schemes are afoot on Exegol, and the Resistance is surprised by a discovery of its own. And it turns out a lightsaber can represent different things to different people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A return to the bickering, I'm afraid! But I hope you'll forgive me, I think it's necessary bickering to further Rey and Kylo's understanding of each other.

They hadn’t overslept for too long. Rey squinted into the glare of the hazy morning sun. Already hot enough to warm the skin on her arms and strong enough to dazzle her eyes, newly emerged from the soft shadowy light inside the AT-AT. She heard the sounds of Kylo shuffling about within and walked quickly off the ramp to move out of sight of the hatch. Resting her back against the walker, she lifted her face to the sun and scrambled to gather her disorderly thoughts.

It was next to impossible to think of anything other than the fact that a few moments ago she had been lying in Kylo Ren’s embrace. And that he had seemed to derive as much pleasure from it as she had. Rey closed her eyes, remembering the weight of his head sinking down onto the top of hers, the tightening of his arms about her. His embrace had told her just as much, if not more than her previous infiltrations into his mind had done.

Kylo Ren was as starved of affection and intimacy as she was.

Rey could not remember a time when she had not dreamt of belonging. But underneath that tentative hope there had always been an underlying nagging conviction that she was destined to be alone. And some part of her had accepted that. Maybe it had been easier to accept that. To create a cautious intangible safeguard against disappointment.

Now she finally had the friends she had longed for. But it was only in gaining these friends that Rey was faced with the reality of what belonging actually entailed. And it was only then that she realised how difficult it was to accept what she had never known. Friendship was not as idyllic or effortless as she had expected it to be. It required a level of openness Rey hadn’t realised she didn’t possess before.

Rey had been too self-reliant for so long. Too self-contained and guarded. She’d had to be. And now she couldn’t help but keep even her closest friends at arm’s length, too afraid to let them into all of her secret thoughts. How could she when she was too afraid to assess them herself?

They weren’t like her. They didn’t understand everything she was. They couldn’t, and she wasn’t even sure she wanted them to.

But Kylo Ren was like her. He did understand her. He always had, whether she wanted him to or not. She didn’t have to lay bare what he had already seen in her mind, just as he didn’t have to explain what she had seen in his. Even those darkest impulses she tried so very hard to keep suppressed and dormant. He knew who she was, just as she knew who he was. For better and for a whole lot worse.

Rey swallowed, clenching her eyes shut against the orange-pink light filtering through her eyelids. Just over a year ago the possibility that someone could truly understand her would have thrilled Rey. But that was before she knew who that someone would be. And she hadn’t known then that the prospect of depending on anyone else for her happiness would be such a strange and terrifying notion. But what was more frightening to Rey was the realisation that it would be so much easier to let Kylo Ren in than repulse him. And last night she had wanted to.

But she had to stop thinking about that. No good could come of it. There was absolutely no point in wondering what could happen if things were different.

If she didn’t have the responsibility of defending the galaxy from this new lurking unknown threat. If Ben Solo had never become Kylo Ren.

There was no point in thinking about that. He _was_ Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren and Supreme Leader of the First Order and she had a duty to fulfil that did not include…

Rey shook her head, opening her eyes to focus on the sand in front of her instead of the images that had suddenly shot through her mind. She couldn’t let herself dwell on any of that. She could not let herself think any more about those endless moments after Kylo had woken. There was no point in speculating about why he hadn’t availed himself of the opportunity to shrug her off and held her so close to him instead.

But it had all been so unexpectedly sweet it was perhaps not completely incomprehensible to understand why her normally reasonable thought processes had become temporarily derailed.

Had she really considered, even for a moment, what would have happened if she pressed her lips into the warm pale skin of Kylo Ren’s neck as they lay together a few minutes ago? Did she really want to imagine how he would respond to that? Did she really wonder if he would have kissed her back? If those kisses would be as soft and tender as those that had broken through the Darkness that enveloped her on the Death Star? Or if they would be as greedy and demanding as they had been later on?

Rey’s breath left her in a slow shaky exhale. He had not wanted her to break away from him on the Death Star. If she had kissed him this morning, he would very likely have returned her kiss. Rey’s eyes flicked to the open hatch of the AT-AT where Kylo was. Where she could still be. Finding out what sort of kisses he wanted to give her.

No.

Rey tore her eyes away from the hatch door. They did belong together. But not in _that_ way. They understood each other because the Force wanted them to. They were a dyad, one in the Force, bound to each other until they fulfilled a destiny greater than either of them. She was pretty sure the Force had not expected this mystical connection to kindle and stir up some other far from spiritual yearnings. Or intended it to be clouded and muddied by acting on these disturbing new desires.

It was time to stop thinking about it. Stop wishing that the Force had chosen a less physically enticing person than Kylo Ren to be her counterpart. Stop wondering if he felt the same way about her. It was probably all nothing more than natural curiosity stirred up by their supernatural bond. Or late-developing hormones. Or midichlorians.

It was a moment before Rey realised what she was looking at, so preoccupied was she with her own thoughts. She frowned, bending over to duck her head under the leg of the walker for a closer look. It almost seemed as if there was the faintest hint of pale green, barely visible in the deep purplish shadow cast by the sloping morning sun.

It _was_ green.

Rey knelt down, reaching out to touch tiny, curled leaves peeping through the sand, smooth and damp under her fingertips. She sat back on her heels, gazing in wonder at the smattering of plump little buds, not yet unfurled. They looked so lovely and innocent, so joyously alive in this scorched dead place. Rey smiled a little tremulously, her scattered thoughts calming under a newfound peace.

She was glad she had returned. It had been painful and fraught and more than a little confusing, but she was glad. She knew enough of the truth now to put it behind her.

She remembered the tales told by the storytellers who visited Niima Outpost when she was a little girl. How she had sneaked into the cantina tent to listen, agog, to the myths of knights and Jedi and monsters and dragons and wizards and princesses. Rey had retold the stories to herself over the years that followed, sometimes visualising herself as the lost princess, her parents the knights fighting unimaginable horrors to find her. To rescue her. Sometimes Rey was the knight, strong and purposeful, undergoing strenuous trials to be worthy of their love.

She had never imagined her parents as the monsters in her story. The dragon was never herself. But now she knew. And now she could choose.

She would be the knight, but she was not fighting for her parents’ love anymore. They belonged in her past, a past she was finally ready to leave behind today.

Deep in the Unknown Regions, the Knights of Ren entered the Imperial chambers. Even though this was not the first time they had been here, the sound of their footfalls on the dry hard stone still sounded shockingly loud and unsettling in the eerie quiet. More so now they weren’t alone here. Cardo could not prevent himself from casting sidelong wary glances as they passed through the serried ranks of motionless troops.

“Place gives me the creeps,” he muttered in a hushed aside to Ushar as they approached the spiked throne. Ushar didn’t reply, dropping to one knee behind the knights before him.

“The spy we employed to filter information to the Resistance has been effectively silenced,” said Kuruk. “Ren will not discover he has been duped.”

“Not yet,” said the figure on the throne with satisfaction. He turned his gaze to Ap’lek. “Your mission was productive. You are to be congratulated. My plan is now in motion. I grow in strength by the hour. Soon I shall discard this unworthy vessel for another more suitable one.”

“It was as you said, Master,” said Ap’lek. “He was distracted and caught off guard.”

“Excellent.” The sonorous voice was gloating. “And that distraction grows by the day. He is blind to my plans. Although they will require some time to bring to fruition. It is of no matter. There is still much to be achieved before I can be certain of success.” The hooded man’s hands clenched, claw-like, on the arms of the throne. “The girl will prove more difficult. She is resilient. She will resist the urge to bend towards him. The time has come to send her an incentive.”

“An incentive?” There was an eager note in Kuruk’s voice.

“Yes. Something to draw her to him. To defend him.”

Vicrul lifted his head. “What can we do to serve you, Master?”

“Nothing as yet,” said the hooded man. “I do not wish you to show your hands at this time. Your contributions shall prove more helpful later.”

A dry chuckle left his lips. “No. For this, a less significant threat is required. One I have already deployed. And if this does not accomplish my ends swiftly enough, I shall employ other means to bring the scavenger to heel.”

Kylo emerged into the bright of the morning, stretching and shaking out his shoulders to loosen knots from sleeping on the floor.

Rey blinked, her peace disturbed once more. The combination of shiny tousled black locks, a much too tight top (revealing a much too interesting body) and endless legs in close-fitting trousers made for a look one tended not to see in the wastes of Jakku. She averted her eyes, trying not to notice that interesting dusky trail exposed by his grey top riding up from his last vigorous stretch.

She got up to brush past him. “I’m going to eat something before we go. Would you like anything?”

Kylo nodded, becoming uncomfortably aware of an ominous rumbling in his gut. His former squeamishness about the sanitary conditions of the AT-AT was fading fast under the more pressing demands of his stomach. Through the hatch door he could see Rey fetching dusty square tin containers down from their hooks and followed her hopefully inside.

“Do you want me to do something?”

She glanced around from wiping them with her wrap to direct him to bags on the floor beside her.

“You can choose whatever you like. I thought we’d have to stay longer so I packed more than we need. Well, Rose did. I’m not sure what there is.”

Kylo picked up a bag and rifled through it. He didn’t recognise anything and was suddenly conscious that his knowledge of food was more or less limited to what it looked like in its final state, served on a tray brought deferentially to his quarters.

Rey looked at the pile he had taken out and accumulated on the console and then back up at him, surprised.

“You want all of that?”

“No.” He had to be honest. “I’m just not sure what’s what. Or what to do with them.” He prodded a vacuum sealed package. “This looks like meat.”

“Fry it?” said Rey doubtfully. “Haven’t you cooked before?”

“No,” admitted Kylo. “Don’t you know what to do with it?”

“I’m not sure I do,” said Rey. “The Resistance cooks make most of our meals. I didn’t really get anything except portions here. And mixtures I could dilute to make things. Not fresh food.”

That was yet another unpleasant insight into Rey’s past but at least it made Kylo felt a little better about his own ignorance.

In the end, they decided to fry the thin slivers of meat and make toasted bread and cheese on Rey’s burner, one useful culinary skill she had learned in the Resistance. They took their bowls outside, to eat their meal resting against the foot of the walker.

Kylo had eaten much more sophisticated fare but it felt oddly satisfying to eat food they had prepared themselves, even if it was slightly charred. In fact it tasted better than anything he had eaten before. He was more amused than shocked this time by how rapidly and greedily Rey disposed of her meal. She finished before him and sat back replete, dropping her knees to stretch her legs out in front of her.

Kylo hadn’t realised he was watching her until her head started to turn towards him. His eyes slid away quickly to look out over the dunes instead and he wondered if this sight was similar to the one Anakin Skywalker had looked out on where he had grown up on Tatooine. Wondered if Rey would mind if he asked her about something that had preyed on his mind ever since he had eavesdropped on her dream.

“When you were here before,” he started, and Rey’s eyes turned to him. She didn’t _seem_ to mind, her eyes mildly questioning rather than defensive. “You were sold to a Crolute here. Were you… what were you? A slave?”

“Not exactly.” Rey frowned. “At least not in the way you mean, I think. I worked for him. He bought what I scavenged. Or traded, I mean, for portions.”

Kylo eyed her curiously. “And now you’re here, with a lightsaber, you don’t want to find him and -?”

“What?” interrupted Rey. “Wreak my revenge? No.” She laughed ruefully. “I don’t need to. Chewie did it for me. On Takodana.”

“Chewie?” echoed Kylo.

Rey grimaced. “Unkar Plutt came looking for me. Chewie ripped his arm off.”

Kylo was thoroughly shocked. His father had told him Chewbacca could do that. _Had_ done that. He had even threatened a much younger Ben with this deed as a grisly punishment when he had been particularly trying. (To be fair to Han, little Ben Solo had a very annoying habit of repeatedly appearing in doorways after he was supposed to have retired for the night hours before. Clutching the ends of his white nightshirt like a small petulant ghost.)

Ben had known then that his father had been joking of course, but he had never believed him anyway. Chewie wouldn’t do that. After all, he had usually been the one to gather up a sleepy, grouchy Ben and deposit him gently back into his bed.

Kylo hastily pulled his mind away from that almost forgotten memory.

“My grandfather was a slave on a desert planet. Tatooine.”

Rey hadn’t known that. Kylo’s family history was very strange. Peopled with slaves and princesses and Dark Sith Lords and smugglers and Jedi legends and Supreme Leaders in the short space of a couple of generations. And judging by Kylo’s expression he wasn’t best pleased about the slave aspect of it. Rey couldn’t help but feel that was more than a little hypocritical of him.

“You _do_ know that stormtroopers are practically slaves?” she said.

Kylo frowned at her, startled by this detour.

“They get paid,” he said, although now he said it he wasn’t altogether sure about that. He cursed himself for that regrettable tendency he had to switch off during the more boring parts of High Command meetings.

Rey raised her eyebrows at him. “They’re children that were stolen from their families. To work. That’s what slaves _are_.”

Kylo did not like Rey’s tone. He had heard her employ many tones he hadn’t particularly liked since he’d known her. Angry, disgusted, accusing, even hate-filled, but sarcastic was new. And decidedly displeasing.

His frown became more of a scowl.

“The Jedi took children from their families to train them,” he said.

Rey looked a little nonplussed for a moment before she recovered.

“Taking is different from stealing.”

“Is it?” asked Kylo. “Can it be if the result is the same? Using children taken from their families to further a cause?” He had the dubious satisfaction of seeing her eyes flicker. He pressed home his advantage. “The stormtrooper program was Hux’s doing. And Snoke’s. Not mine.”

“Why, is it different now?” asked Rey and saw Kylo’s eyes widen, his cheeks redden before they slid away from hers.

She knew why he was angry. He didn’t have to tell her the answer she already knew. Rey was conscious of a nasty little twinge of guilt. It felt mean and ungrateful of her to criticise him after how kind he had been the night before.

No. She had no reason to feel guilty. He was the Supreme Leader of the First Order and he hadn’t chosen to do anything to rectify or abolish the appalling practices that had existed under Snoke’s reign.

Kylo _was_ angry. He was also feeling a little sick. Maybe he hadn’t realised just how pleasantly surprised he had been by their very recent harmonious state. But now that had apparently come to an abrupt end. And now the meal he had been enjoying so much didn’t taste quite as nice as it did. He moved the bowl from his knee onto the sand beside him.

“I didn’t plan on becoming Supreme Leader,” he said sullenly. “I wouldn’t have done what I did if you hadn’t come to the Supremacy. If Snoke hadn’t made me try to kill you.”

“Maybe not, but you _are_ the Supreme Leader,” said Rey doggedly.

Trying not to let him know that his words had staggered her more than a little. She _had_ been right to trust him in that moment. Kylo Ren hadn’t used her to snatch a bid for power. He had killed Snoke to protect her. But Rey couldn’t let herself drop her guard again. None of that changed the fact that he _had_ used that opportunity to take that power for himself.

And it was kind of a relief to build up that wall between them again. That wall that had crumbled so alarmingly quickly during the night. Arguing with Kylo Ren might not feel as nice as lying in his arms, but it felt safer. No, not _safer_ exactly. Wiser, perhaps.

“You could have joined me,” said Kylo, who had taken a long jaw-clenching moment to rein in his frustration. “You could have made whatever changes you wanted. The First Order could have been whatever you wanted it to be. Whatever _we_ wanted it to be.”

“You can’t think I’d want that!” protested Rey. “I don’t want to rule the galaxy. I never did and I never will. That won’t change. I don’t want power. Not that sort of power.”

Kylo’s frustration boiled over. “The First Order needed a new leader. Did you really think I would serve under anyone else? After Snoke?”

“No,” said Rey. When she spoke again her voice was quieter. “I thought you’d leave. I thought you’d come back. With me.”

That last little sentence, along with the pensive look that accompanied it, seared through Kylo’s affronted vexation. Leaving him shaky and deflated in its aftermath.

“You know I couldn’t have done that,” was all he said.

Rey did not see that at all, but she couldn’t bring herself to argue anymore. Not now that Kylo’s haughty glare had melted into that injured sort of forlorn look that never failed to disarm her. Which wasn’t fair. Kylo Ren would be so much easier to stay angry with if he didn’t possess those annoyingly, _annoyingly_ pretty eyes. She looked away at the same time he did.

An uneasy silence reigned for a considerable time as they contemplated the sparse landscape ahead of them, apparently absorbed by nothing more than endless expanses of dunes.

It probably wasn’t that long, although it felt like an eternity, wending his way through thickets of trees, and bending his head to (unavailingly) avoid low-hanging creepers, but finally Finn brought his speeder to a standstill. He raised his hand to stop the cavalcade behind him.

“Say again?”

“Right ahead of you. I can see it. Be careful.” Poe’s voice grated through his comlink. “We’ve got you covered but advance with caution.”

Finn slid his blaster out of its holster and swung his leg over the seat to disembark, motioning to the others to do the same. They stepped forward as stealthily as possible, wading through thick undergrowth, brushing fronds aside with their free hands until the glint of metal shone through the trees.

“Spread out!” whispered Finn, sweeping a wide circular movement with his arms.

He lowered the volume on his comlink and waited until Poe informed him the transport was surrounded before alerting the company that it was time to make a move. All stealth abandoned, they surged forward, blasters poised as Poe led the X-wings into position above them.

The wrecked Atmospheric Assault Lander lay precariously on its side and for a moment Finn was sure nobody could have survived such a landing. But as they drew closer, he could hear noises from within. The creaks and groans of straining metal settling into new formations, the shouts of men inside. There didn’t appear to be anyone manning the top gunner position, but Finn knew that the gun could be operated remotely from the inside.

He motioned for his troops to stay out of its range and raised his hands to cup his mouth.

“Come out! Drop your weapons!” He waited for an answer that didn’t come. “We have you surrounded! Don’t try anything or we shoot!”

There was no movement from the transport for a few long moments until the hiss of the ramp actuators sounded out, followed by the creak of the exit ramp opening. The Resistance fighters crouched, taking cover in the undergrowth.

“Drop your weapons!” repeated Finn.

A solitary figure appeared, hands aloft, and slithered down from the opening to land unsteadily on the grass below. Finn beckoned the stormtrooper forward, blaster levelled at his head.

“How many of you are there? Where’s your commanding officer?”

The stormtrooper limped towards him. “Twenty. I don’t know how many made it. Or if the general did.”

“General?” said Finn sharply.

“General Hux.”

“Hux!” Finn looked around at the Resistance fighters emerging from the bushes. “Get in there. Find and capture any survivors. Move!”

Kylo’s legs stretched out to let his heels scrunch through the sand. One of them came to rest beside Rey’s. Her eyes dropped to his foot, so much bigger than hers in his thick-soled scuffed black leather boot. She could fit two of her feet into one of those boots. It was hard to believe Kylo Ren hadn’t always been this big.

But she couldn’t help but remember the look in his eyes when he had compared the fates of the Jedi padawans with those of the stormtrooper children. And she couldn’t help remembering how Leia had said she wished she hadn’t sent Ben away. But he hadn’t been a child when he had been sent to train with Luke Skywalker. And Luke was his uncle, not some unknown master. There was no comparison. It wasn’t the same. But as someone who knew how it felt to be abandoned by parents, Rey couldn’t help but wonder now if Ben Solo had felt something similar too.

Kylo sneaked a glance over at Rey, wondering what she was thinking. She didn’t look angry or annoyed. She looked a little sad and that thawed the last remnants of his icily aggrieved resentment. He wondered if she was thinking about the dream she’d had. The one that still haunted him.

“You said you’d got the answers you wanted,” he said carefully. “Was what happened in that dream last night what you were talking about? When you said there were things. About you. On the Death Star.”

She nodded, relieved that he had broken the uncomfortable silence, despite her own misgivings.

“I know that was only a small piece. I know there’s more. A lot more. But now I know why my parents left me here.” She looked around to see him watching her and flashed him a reticent sort of half-smile. “It’s all I needed to know.”

He was unable to return her smile. A conviction that had been growing inside him refused to be left unspoken.

“None of that was your fault. I know what we both heard. About who you are. But it might not be true. And even if it is, you can always choose what to do.”

“Like you could,” said Rey. It sounded more like a question.

It was more than a question. Rey had a little more insight into tapping into the Dark Side than she had when they discussed the subject of Ben Solo’s fall before. But she also knew the consequences, the remorse and guilt that followed.

“I know what Luke did was awful,” she said. “But what you did at the temple… Luke might not have been innocent, but his students were. Don’t you regret any of that?”

Kylo stared at her, shocked by how hurt he felt at this second attack so soon after the first. He had broken the silence to try to bring her some comfort, and this was her response?

“Luke didn’t know everything about what happened that night,” he said shortly. “Neither do you.”

“He told me the truth,” said Rey. “The same as you. But he said he would never have done it. It was a moment of weakness.”

“It only takes a moment to kill someone,” snapped Kylo.

“I know that. He was wrong. He shouldn’t have done it,” Rey agreed, taking the wind out of his sails a little. “But we both know how easy it can be to make a mistake.”

Kylo refused to be placated. “I didn’t destroy the temple. I thought I did. Or that it was my fault. It wasn’t. It was Snoke. After he died, I realised a lot of things I hadn’t before. He orchestrated everything so I would have nowhere else to go.”

Rey looked taken aback but Kylo found he didn’t want to talk about Snoke anymore. He headed off the inevitable questions.

“Did you ask Luke? After I told you? Is that why you came?”

“Yes,” said Rey.

“And he told you not to,” said Kylo, remembering what Luke had told him. A bitter little smile curled the corner of his lips. “That must have stung. His perfect student, racing off to join his disgraced nephew.”

Rey didn’t know how to answer him, suddenly transported back to previous moments of revelation. Leia bestowing the lightsaber on her. Taking his father’s place on the Falcon. She was beginning to realise just how much of Ben Solo’s legacy she had usurped in such a short space of time. His lightsaber. His ship. His master. His father’s blaster. His mother’s trust. All of the things he could have had if that fateful night had turned out differently. Rey couldn’t imagine how that must feel. When she did speak, her voice was a little gruff.

“I wasn’t the perfect student. He wasn’t the perfect master. It wasn’t what you think it was. He didn’t want to train me. That night when I left… we didn’t part on good terms.”

Kylo’s lips tightened. “What did he do?” he asked ominously.

“It wasn’t what he did. It was me. It’s what I did.” She saw his brows draw together curiously and she flushed. “I hit him. I forced him to fight me. I threatened him with my lightsaber.”

His eyebrows rose. “You did?”

She shifted uncomfortably. “After we touched hands, after what you told me… I knew he hadn’t told me the truth. I needed to know.”

Kylo stared at her wordlessly, his hurt dissolving in a wave of warmth that set his heart thumping. She had believed him. She had believed in him. Rey, who he had mocked for her desperation to find a father figure in his uncle, had fought Luke Skywalker, revered Jedi master. For him. This girl now sitting beside him in the morning sun. This girl who had held him so tightly in the night just a few hours before.

His brows twitched together when he saw her reach into her belt to take out her lightsaber.

She held it out and met his eyes a little tentatively.

“You wanted this before. It belonged to your family. Do you still want it?”

“No!” said Kylo, surprising himself as much as he surprised her. Because he was surprised by how much he didn’t want it. Darth Vader’s helmet had already caused him so much turmoil, the thought of acquiring another relic of his made him feel… not _sick_ exactly. Repulsed, maybe. He saw Rey watching him with a frown.

“It chose you,” he said shortly. “You keep it.”

“It did on Starkiller base,” she said steadily. “But it tore itself apart on the Supremacy. It couldn’t choose between us.”

And now Kylo was realising how much it had taken for Rey to offer the lightsaber to him. And much as he didn’t want it, he could appreciate that she had thought to offer it to him at all. Particularly now, after he had seen just how little Rey possessed. But Kylo was finding it a little difficult to concentrate. He had just noticed glints of bronze in Rey’s eyes and couldn’t decide if they were the result of reflected light from the sand. His voice was softer when he spoke again.

“Keep it. I don’t want it.”

Rey nodded and dug about in her satchel lying beside her. She took out his own crossguard lightsaber hilt and held it contemplatively in her hand for a moment.

“You should have this, then. In case you need it.”

She didn’t hand it over immediately, turning it over in her hand. Remembering what it had felt like when she wielded it on the Supremacy. She could still feel the vibrations from the unstable crystal within running through her arm. Feel how it had purred responsively to every move and twist of her wrist. It had felt alive and exciting and _angry_ , crackling with volatile energy.

A little like Kylo Ren. A lot like Kylo Ren. If only there were vents you could put into a human being to release some of the tension and anger and hurt.

Kylo waited to take it from her, watching her with a strange churning in his stomach. It felt almost disturbingly pleasurable to see her hold his lightsaber so carefully in her hand. Something he had made. Something that had come to feel like almost a part of him, an extension of who he had chosen to be.

When Rey looked up she saw Kylo’s eyes riveted frowningly on the hilt in her hand before they shot up to hers with a guilty start. As if he had emerged from a trance, a tinge of pink staining his cheeks.

Confusion creased her forehead as she held it out for him to take. He hesitated, regarding it as if it were some sort of poisonous serpent before snatching it from her and shoving it into the sand on his other side.

“I wasn’t going to try to keep it,” said Rey defensively.

“No, no, I know,” said Kylo, who had become mortifyingly aware that his earlier morning inconvenience had returned with a vengeance and was more concerned with discreetly drawing his knees up to disguise the evidence as quickly as possible.

He swallowed, dropping his elbows over his lap, trying not to cower under Rey’s clear-eyed gaze. Nonsensically afraid that she would be able to interpret his blushes accurately. And be as shocked as he was that for those few moments when she had held his lightsaber his imagination had replaced the weapon in her capable little fist with something else entirely.

But although Rey’s eyes slid down, it transpired that he needn’t have been so concerned. Rey’s mind was on other things.

“Are you going to eat that?”

Kylo’s startled eyes dropped to the remains of his breakfast, lying forgotten in the sand between them. The smallest relieved laugh escaped him in a huff as he handed it over.

“You can have it,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reference Kylo makes to Snoke's involvement in the destruction of Luke's Jedi temple is based on the comics - The Rise of Kylo Ren, by Charles Soule. It isn't explicitly said, but it is definitely hinted at, and it's my interpretation now anyway.  
> The reference to Chewie ripping Unkar Plutt's arm off is from a deleted scene in The Force Awakens.  
> I'm going to try to get the next two chapters up before Christmas, so you lovely people who have been so patient with me will get the best present I can give you for the holidays. Well-deserved Reylo kisses and cuteness! Probably one chapter midweek this week coming. And the second one the weekend after, work permitting!  
> Thanks again for the comments, kudos and bookmarks, you've no idea how much I cherish them! 💖💖


	16. The Clone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo are flung into action and are horrified by a shocking discovery. Meanwhile the Resistance are forced into a making a hasty decision. Kylo discloses one secret and Rey uncovers another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a good run at writing and editing at the weekend so I managed to land this chapter early, so hopefully there might be two more chapters before Christmas if I get the time!  
> Please note: There will be violence and bloodshed and a bit of mild yuckiness at the start of this chapter. But there is another appearance from a semi-naked Kylo to balance it out!

The sun was high, the desert heat stifling as Rey and Kylo approached the Starship graveyard.

To Kylo, accustomed to the regulated temperatures of the Steadfast, it was insufferable. Even the breeze whipped up by the pace of the speeder did nothing to alleviate his discomfort, drying his throat and itching his eyes. There was a nasty gritty quality to the air. Kylo could feel it, fine and grainy against his teeth, permeating his hair, chafing his skin. He was uncomfortably aware of dark patches spreading under his armpits, embarrassingly visible on his light grey shirt. Of tickling trickles of sweat pooling in the middle of his chest and soaking into the seat behind him.

None of this he said to Rey, who seemed to be taking it all in her stride. But he promised himself a lengthy, much-needed spell in the fresher as soon as he possibly could when he got back to the Falcon.

As it turned out, this was a promise he wouldn’t be able to keep for a while longer.

The attack happened almost as soon as they disembarked, the only warning the quickest of flashes through the Force. Unlike anything Rey had ever sensed before. Red armoured figures poured from the felled star destroyer to surround them, and Rey’s eyes met Kylo’s for a shocked moment before they whirled around back-to-back to fend off their assailants. Igniting their lightsabers in the space of a heartbeat to fend off their fire.

The soldiers looked like stormtroopers, albeit red-armoured, but their blasters were no standard issue weapons Kylo had ever seen. They were a lot more powerful, modified quarrel-bolt launchers, similar to Chewbacca’s bowcaster. Making it that much more difficult to repel their assault.

Kylo felt Rey’s back slam into him, propelled by the force of the blasts. His teeth ground together, his left hand joining his right on his hilt, strengthening his grip. A pull on the Force brushed against his mind, clenching his eyes shut. And he reached out to join Rey.

There was a moment when everything seemed to still. He could almost feel Rey’s breath in his lungs, her heart beat in his chest, steady and sure. And then everything rushed back into sharp focus and they moved as one.

The air was suddenly alive with the roar of blaster fire, the throb of lightsabers, the fizzing clash of plasma on metal mingling with Rey’s battle cries, his own mindless fury. Ricocheting flashes of light seared through the gloom and Kylo lunged forward, slicing through the first of the troopers to move in. After him there was another, and another, and another and he deflected and dodged and thrust on instinct.

Stretching out with Rey to anticipate the movements of the soldiers around them. Trusting the Force to guide him, letting it in, letting it flow through him. He had almost forgotten this, this seamless unity in the face of danger.

But this was different.

In Snoke’s Throne Room he had been as a beast unleashed, all of his pain and rage suddenly allowed to break free, to wreak a terrible vengeance on those who had been his oppressors. He had _enjoyed_ it. He wasn’t enjoying this.

Kylo was too aware of Rey behind him. But his desperation to turn and help her had to be channelled into fighting off his own attackers. Through vicious gouges cleaving through crimson armour and flesh and bone, until at last only two remained to face him.

He gathered the Force, flinging out with his free hand to hurtle them into a wall of wreckage with a clatter of metal on metal. Swivelling around in a panic when he couldn’t immediately find who he was looking for. And then a trooper was flung aside, crashing into the bodies of his fellows before lying still.

It was over and Kylo breathed in, breathed out, his eyes fixed on Rey. Cheeks flushed pink; eyes wide as she rose from her crouched position. A faltering smile raised her lips and he lurched forward, his head spinning in a heady mix of relief and joy.

“Rey!”

She didn’t move and he stopped just a little short of her, fighting against an urge to run his hands over her, to pull her into his arms.

“Are you hurt?” was all he said, his eyes searching out any sign of injury.

She shook her head, her smile fading abruptly. “What was that? Who were they?”

“I don’t know.”

They stared at each other for a long moment, limbs shaky, brains sluggish from draining adrenalin. Rey’s eyes dropped first, to look at the fallen soldiers at their feet.

“Aren’t they yours?”

“No!” said Kylo. “They don’t belong to the First Order.”

“But then who…?” Rey’s words tailed off before she met his eyes again. “Palpatine. But they were trying to kill us. _Both_ of us.”

“We don’t know it’s Palpatine,” said Kylo and even to his ears his answer sounded annoyingly pedantic.

“Kylo!”

He pivoted to see one of the troopers he had launched against the wall stir. Kylo’s lightsaber burst into life, but before he had taken a pace forward, his advance was stayed by Rey’s hand on his wrist.

“Wait!” she said, letting go. “We have a chance to find out who sent them.”

Kylo nodded and they stepped closer, sabers raised. The trooper’s movements were uncoordinated and weak, posing no immediate threat. But Kylo was unwilling to take any chances, levelling his lightsaber at his crimson chest-plate as Rey reached over to release the locking mechanism on his helmet. Her hands settled on either side of the helmet and tugged.

And stood back, shooting a shocked glance at Kylo, whose own eyes had widened in surprise, the point of his lightsaber dropping an inch. He recovered quicker than she did.

“Who sent you?” he barked. “Where have you come from?”

The unmasked man’s gold cybernetic eyes swivelled up to Kylo’s face, but his mouth behind the black metallic grill did not offer any answer to his questions. Rey looked closer, seeing what looked like some sort of breathing mechanism behind the bars of the grill. And she remembered that alien abnormality in the Force as they staved off their attackers. That she hadn’t had time to make sense of.

“I don’t think he can speak,” she said in almost a whisper.

Even without purposefully reaching out, she could feel the strangest emanations filter through the Force from the man. If man, he actually was. Rey had just realised that the black metal cap covering the back of the creature’s skull was not some sort of adornment or technical addition to his armour. It was part of him.

She reached out tentatively with her mind before recoiling, backing up into Kylo. A glance up at him told her his face was as drained of colour as she felt her own to be.

“There’s nothing!” she shuddered.

“I know,” said Kylo grimly.

His grip tightened around his hilt as the red trooper’s hand moved jerkily to slide under a compartment on his chest-plate. There was a click and then under their horrified gazes, he heaved a gurgling sigh and lay prone, his cybernetic eyes dimming. A thin trickle of blood seeping out through the metal grill where his mouth should have been.

Rey stood still, gorge rising in her throat. She barely noticed Kylo had moved away from behind her until she heard a clunk and turned to see he had detached and thrown aside another helmet from a fallen trooper.

“Rey,” he said, straightening up.

In a few steps she was by his side, peering down at an identical creature to the one who had just taken his own life.

“I don’t understand,” she whispered. “Brothers?”

“I don’t think so,” said Kylo. He looked around at the other bodies littered about under the shade of the Star Destroyer. “I would imagine that we’ll see the same face under every one of these helmets if we remove them. They’re clones.”

“Clones!” gasped Rey. “Like the stormtroopers of the Empire.”

“Of the Galactic Republic before that,” Kylo reminded her. “But that’s not all they are. These are enhanced.”

“Enhanced,” Rey repeated. It didn’t seem like the right word. She still felt queasy from her brief glimpse into the mind of the trooper. “There was nothing. In his mind, there was nothing there. No pain. No anger. Nothing.”

“It appears their brains were wiped. Or modified in some way.”

“They were _people_.” Rey’s queasiness churned into something that made her eyes smart and her voice quiver. “Who could do this?”

Kylo shook his head. He had only the vaguest idea of the methods used to control the stormtroopers, but he was pretty sure even Hux wouldn’t consider going to these sorts of extremes. Seeing Rey’s pallid face and eyes blinking to hold back horrified tears made Kylo feel more than a little sick that he knew anything at all. He shut down that thought as quickly as he could, trying to focus on the mystery of the clones.

Who had sent them and why had they attacked them? Maybe it didn’t matter right now who exactly it was. All that mattered was now it appeared he and Rey were both targets, as if whatever usefulness they had provided had served its purpose.

The events on the Death Star were beginning to fall into a shape that made some sort of sense. He tried to unravel his thoughts before he voiced them.

“We weren’t attacked before this,” he said. “Why now?”

Rey frowned at him curiously. “I don’t know. You think they tracked the Falcon?”

“That’s not what I mean.” Kylo’s mind kept returning to the idea of usefulness. “That dagger that suddenly appeared. Given to you by a spy. You were meant to have that. We were both meant to have it.”

“You think the spy was working for him? Palpatine, or whoever this is?” said Rey.

“Maybe. We were both engineered to be on the Death Star. To open the holocron. To do something.”

The last hue of pink had bleached from Rey’s cheeks, leaving her ghostly under her tan. “We did do something. We woke something. I felt it. I thought it was you at first. Breathing.”

“Me too,” said Kylo slowly. “And those visions. They weren’t any random insights into the future. They were designed to turn us against each other. So we would put an end to each other. End the dyad.”

“Because we are the only ones who can defeat him,” finished Rey. Her breath caught in her throat. “It almost worked. I tried to kill you.”

“It didn’t work.” Kylo took a step forward, his hand outstretched. She looked at it numbly and he let it fall. “You wouldn’t have done it.”

“But how did he know where to find us?” said Rey. “Nobody knew. Only my friends. And Lando.” Her chin set as she looked at him. “They didn’t betray us. I know they didn’t. I trust them.”

“I wasn’t going to say that,” said Kylo, whose thoughts had turned down another avenue. “I think I know what it was. It’s here. On the Falcon.” He saw her look sharply at him and continued hollowly. “My helmet. I was instructed to reform it in a Sith forge using Sarrassian iron. So I could stay in contact. It’s been tracking my movements.”

Rey said the words he was thinking aloud.

“We need to destroy it.”

They brought Kylo's helmet outside to place in the baking heat of the desert sand. A single strike from both of their sabers shattered the mask and they stepped back, repulsed by a ripping tear in the Force that sounded almost human. The vibrant red iron flickered and dimmed before fading to a dull grey. Rey watched Kylo lift a boot to kick sand over the scattered pieces before they turned to enter the Falcon once more.

They were both silent as they took off, that sober silence lasting until long after the planet was no more than an indistinguishable beige marble in the distance. There was no need for words, both knew they were preoccupied with similar thoughts as they jumped to lightspeed.

A lot more than the splintered pieces of Kylo’s helmet had been laid to rest in the forgotten sands of Jakku.

The flurry of activity on the base on Ajan Kloss sounded loud inside the small tent that housed General Hux. He had been one of fifteen survivors, his injuries mostly confined to a badly bruised arm and shoulder which had been grudgingly tended to by the medical staff. If his pride or dignity had been injured likewise, it didn’t show. He held himself stiffly upright, looking his captors in the eye.

“What are you doing here?” repeated Poe. “This wasn’t an accident. A general of the First Order doesn’t just happen to be passing this close to a remote moon for no reason.”

“One of our generals intercepted flight data from the Supreme Leader’s TIE Whisper,” said Hux glibly. “He thought assistance might be needed.” He looked around him. “Have you captured him?”

“Flight data?” said Poe. “Kylo Ren has never set foot in this place. As far as we’re aware, his TIE has never been spotted anywhere remotely near here. Try again.”

“I have acted on information received,” said Hux.

“You need to check your sources,” said Poe. “Kylo Ren is not, nor has he ever, been here.”

“Are you sure of that? Or your resources are so meagre that they can’t keep track of every vessel that passes through this quadrant? Do you think it a coincidence that I found your base at these exact coordinates?”

Leia ignored that. “Which general gave you this information?”

“Allegiant General Pryde.” Hux fixed his eyes on her. “You’re aware your son has been missing for a couple of days? Or are you the reason he left the Steadfast?”

Leia met his stare with a lofty look. “I’m not discussing my son with you.” She paused for a moment. “Are there more coming?”

Hux smirked. “I’m not discussing First Order tactics with you, _Princess_.”

A roar from Chewbacca lifted him off his feet with a startled yelp. He nursed his elbow resentfully.

“They’re waiting on a signal from me. Although if I don’t send it, they will arrive to find out what happened to me anyway.” Hux’s smile returned. “It’s just a matter of time.”

Leia was aware of Poe’s eyes on her but refused to look in his direction. She wouldn’t give this little rat the satisfaction of thinking he’d rattled her. She nodded instead to Chewbacca.

“He moves – shoot him,” she said and exited the tent, ushering Poe out in front of her. She continued to walk briskly ahead until they were out of earshot before stopping. “Make sure all preparations are complete. We leave as soon as possible.”

“Where to?” said Poe a little desperately.

“Takodana. I’ve been in touch with Maz Kanata. She’ll be ready for us. But we won’t make the jump there straight away. We’ll need to make several to lose any First Order spies that may be watching. Lando supplied us with enough fuel to shore up our tanks.”

“How do you explain the Flight data from Kylo Ren’s ship? He never mentioned he was here,” said Poe cautiously. “Did you know anything about that?”

“I can’t explain that,” said Leia tightly.

Poe looked at her, choosing his next words very carefully. “What about Rey? She’s with Kylo Ren now. If Hux is lying, could it be possible Ren learned the position of the base from her?”

“What exactly are you implying, Poe?” snapped Leia, before raising her hand. “Don’t answer that.” Her eyes narrowed. “Get Kaydel to check if there are any of my son’s belongings among what you brought back from Kef-Bir. Immediately. Check for trackers, anything that could have led the First Order to us.”

He looked away and nodded. “What do you want to do about Hux? And the others?”

“They’ll come with us. Search them first, then load them into the Tantive IV.”

“Why?” said Poe, more displeased than surprised. “Hux will turn on us the first chance he gets. We should dump them out an airlock on the way.”

“You’re not in charge,” Leia reminded him. “I am. They’re coming with us.”

She saw him look chagrined and maintained her resolve. Poe had come a long way since Crait, but it wouldn’t do him any harm to be put in his place every once in a while. He still had a lot to learn about leadership and a vital part of that was to learn to be merciful, even in a time of war. Especially in a time of war, when it was all too easy for the better impulses of humanity to become obscured or forgotten.

“When you’ve done that, get Finn to contact Rey. She can’t come back here.”

Finn refused to relay his message to Rey until he was satisfied Kylo wasn’t in the cockpit of the Falcon. He didn’t have much time, and after filling her in on what had happened on the base, his interest in her activities appeared to be merely cursory.

Rey was glad of it as she pressed the button on the subspace radio to disconnect the transmission. Anything she wanted to tell her friends would be easier to relate when they were face-to-face on Takodana. Although now she thought about that, maybe not. There were some things that needed to stay buried on Jakku, some things nobody else needed to know. Even that brief exchange with Finn had prompted a horribly jumpy feeling in her gut.

Concealing the fact that she had kissed Kylo Ren on the Death Star because she had been overcome by the Dark Side was one thing. Concealing the fact that she had willingly spent the night locked in his embrace was quite another. And concealing the fact that she had liked it would be so much worse. Rey wasn’t looking forward to that at all.

But worrying about all of that would have to wait. The most urgent problem exercising her mind was Kylo Ren and his immediate future. Finn had not asked her about him, and she hadn’t been able to bring herself to tell him he hadn’t left yet. But she couldn’t return now to Kef-Bir where his Interceptor was. If the First Order had been tracking him all along, they could very likely be lying in wait for her there.

Rey powered down the hyperdrive, lost in thought. She needed to enter in the new coordinates for Takodana as soon as possible, but she needed time to think more. Kylo (wherever he had disappeared to at the moment) _was_ still with her somewhere on the Falcon. She couldn’t go straight to Takodana. Although it was possible she could drop Kylo off at a neutral terminal along the way. He could send the First Order a transmission to collect him from there, but the thought of that made a quick frown snap her brows together.

If their unknown enemy could track them to Jakku, how easy would it be to find him, alone and defenceless, on a backwater terminal? Not that Kylo was defenceless exactly. But he would be alone.

Rey looked over at the porg snuffling about in the co-pilot’s seat. “Any ideas?” she said but got no response other than a startled cheep.

“I have to make a jump,” she explained. “We’re too much of a target out here.”

The porg tilted its head at her unhelpfully and she sighed, leaning over to tap in the coordinates for Takodana before reaching over with both hands to engage the hyperdrive again. And then sat back, watching the stars in the darkness flash into streaks of brilliant light. She would have to tell some of this to Kylo, despite what Finn had said. After what had just happened on Jakku, he had the right to know. He was Supreme Leader of the First Order and she guessed it was highly unlikely he would have sanctioned Hux’s mission to follow him.

Or have a tracker placed in the torn holdall that must have somehow made its way onto Lando’s cruiser. The holdall which, if it had survived intact, would have led the First Order directly to the Falcon. It was more than a little strange that they hadn’t chosen to apprehend them on Kef-Bir. Rey suspected that there was a lot more going on in the First Order than Kylo was aware of.

This couldn’t wait. He needed to decide his own fate in this matter. And fast before he figured out they were headed for Takodana. She slid off her wrap and draped it carefully over the display monitor to cunningly conceal their destination before leaving the cockpit.

Kylo wasn’t to be found in the main hold and Rey looked around her, nonplussed. A brief concern that he had taken the escape pod crossed her mind, but she quickly dismissed it. She would have noticed that on the display panel in the cockpit. Another possibility that he had gone to rest in one of the bunks made her pause indecisively for a moment before moving forward determinedly.

She peeked in the door of the crew quarters. An open bag with Kylo’s clothing inside lay on top of their heap of luggage inside the door but its owner was nowhere to be seen. Rey’s brows lowered in confusion. She was almost considering the possibility that he had used the Force to make his escape. Maybe in some similarly mysterious fashion to the way he had used to bring her bodily to the Death Star. And then she jumped when a noise from the corridor behind her alerted her.

She turned to see Kylo, a looming vision swathed in billowing clouds of fragrant steam taking up most of the doorway of the refresher. Wearing nothing but a towel, a splodge of soap on a clean-shaven jaw and a startled expression.

“Oh!” she gasped, rooted to the spot before becoming aware she was blocking his way to the entrance of the sleeping quarters. She slid out hurriedly.

“Sorry!”

“No, no, it’s okay,” muttered Kylo, sidling past her, his hand gripping the knot of his towel tightly. He looked over at her averted face once he was safely inside.

“Were you looking for me?”

“It can wait,” she said in a voice that sounded a little too high. She didn’t wait for a reply, darting away to raise the moderate temperatures of the Millennium Falcon considerably with the heat from her burning cheeks.

Even when he returned to the cockpit, fully dressed in the lightweight black tunic she had wept into on Jakku over his navy blue, yellow-striped trousers, Rey found it difficult to look at him. It appeared that an increased familiarity with Kylo in a semi-naked state did not diminish any of her unease at the sight. If anything, it was getting worse. Because now she had to admit that she wanted to look at him.

There had been a terrible moment before she moved aside, when she realised she had been transfixed by a rivulet of water sliding down from his hair to run tantalisingly slowly over his collarbone and down his broad chest. Even now, Rey was much, much too aware of what Kylo Ren’s clothes concealed to hold his gaze. And a delicious scent emanating from freshly washed hair wasn’t helping matters. Surprisingly tangy and sweet like citrus fruits she had tasted on Ajan Kloss.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw the porg who had been summarily ejected from the seat swooping down to land on Kylo’s knee. Sidling along the long, hard, muscled length of his thigh on stealthy claws to nestle into him. A quick glance showed her the porg’s eyes closing in contentment as Kylo’s fingers began to smooth his feathered head. Rey was shocked and dismayed by the pang that ran through her at the sight. She was _not_ jealous of a porg.

She concentrated on looking ahead, apparently riveted by the churning blue vista outside the viewport as she recounted what Finn had told her. Not all of it, obviously. Her wrap would remain where it was to obscure the new coordinates.

His reaction was more or less as she had expected. Kylo had been speaking the truth on Kef-Bir when he told them he hadn’t let anyone into his confidence about where he was going. And now he was furious. His body rigid with the effort of containing this fury. Even the porg on his lap was aware of it, ducking down with aggrieved chucks under increasingly forceful strokes dealt by the formerly soothing hand on his head. He fluffed out his feathers and fluttered up to perch on Kylo’s shoulder.

Rey risked a glance over when she heard a sudden sound that coming from anyone else could be a snicker. To see an exasperated smile transforming Kylo’s face as the porg plucked imploringly at his damp locks. He removed the porg gently to place him back on his lap. A citrusy waft made Rey’s mouth water and she made up her mind so suddenly it surprised her.

“You can’t go back there,” she said firmly. “Come with me. You came to Jakku to keep me safe. Now it’s my turn to do the same for you.”

An incredulous look broke through that grudging smile.

“I can’t do that. It’s not the same. You were going to Jakku alone. You won’t be alone with the Resistance. And I won’t be alone with the First Order.”

“I trust the Resistance. I don’t trust the First Order,” said Rey.

Kylo raised his eyebrows with a hint of a smile. “I’d be surprised if you did.”

Rey scowled at him. “Don’t laugh at me. This isn’t funny. You’re in danger. We’ve just been attacked by some sort of human, machine, clone hybrid things. And now we find out Hux has been tracking you. _You_ can’t trust them.”

“I’m not laughing at you,” said Kylo, touched as much as surprised by the fierceness of her reply. “But you don’t have to worry about me.”

“I’m not!” Rey flushed. “I’m not _worried_ about you! If you get killed, it affects me too. We’re a dyad, remember?”

“I won’t get killed,” said Kylo in what he hoped was a confident voice.

It didn’t seem to have the desired effect. Kylo’s brows shot up as Rey flung him a resentful glare before stomping off down the passage.

_Patronizing idiot!_

Rey fumed as she turned on the fresher. How much proof did he need that he was walking straight into a trap if he went back to the First Order? Her angry eyes lit on a neat bank of wash products lined up on the shelf before her.

They weren’t hers. A razor. Liquid skin soap. Shampoo for hair and something to be applied after to strengthen and shine. For some reason, these innocent aids to cleanliness and personal vanity incensed Rey further. She squirted a generous dollop of shampoo into her palm and lathered her hair furiously, filling the small space with Kylo’s tangy citrusy scent, feeling grainy sand collect around her feet.

How dare he make it seem as if she was ridiculous to be so concerned? It _did_ affect her. He had no right to be so careless with her safety as well as his own.

But it wasn’t just that. Rey stood under the jets dejectedly, letting the water stream through her hair, rinsing it clean of shampoo and sand.

She didn’t want to leave him. Not now, not after everything that had happened. As much as she could never let herself repeat the night before ever again, the feel of Kylo’s arms around her refused to leave her. The warmth of his hand over hers. The weight of his head on hers.

Rey’s eyes began to sting, quite as much as the tip of her nose and she knuckled them with a stifled sob. There was shampoo in her eyes. Kylo’s stupid shampoo. Stupid, stupid, stinky shampoo. It was a relief to fuel that anger, absurd as it was, as she squeezed her eyes shut, lifting her face to let the warm water course over her. To let her tears merge with the droplets that ran down her cheeks until they weren’t tears at all. To let those ominous gulps in her throat ebb until they eased into nothingness.

Rey shook her hair and sniffled resolutely before reaching for Kylo’s soap. Focusing on scouring the last vestiges of Jakku from her skin. The last vestiges of what had happened there from her mind.

Because the thing Rey really couldn’t let herself dwell on was that horrible sinking disappointment that Kylo was so ready to leave _her_.

Kylo stayed in the cockpit after Rey left, expecting her to come back at any moment. When it appeared she wasn’t going to, he sat back heavily in his seat, feeling weirdly and irrationally guilty. He obviously hadn’t handled that conversation in the way she had anticipated, but he wasn’t sure what she had really expected of him. She couldn’t possibly imagine he would go to the Resistance base with her. Her friends had made it very clear he wouldn’t be welcome even if he had wanted to. Which he didn’t. Apart from anything else, he needed to get back to the Steadfast.

He had already been away too long and if what Rey had heard was true, he had a burning desire to hunt down Allegiant General Pryde and ask him in the most violent way possible why he had felt it necessary to spy on his Supreme Leader.

Pryde hadn’t been on the Star Destroyer when Kylo had left. Neither had the Knights of Ren, and although Kylo had been a little too preoccupied to be overly curious about those rather unusual circumstances then, he was now. He needed to find out just what exactly was going on in the First Order. He had been much too lax of late. He had been much too lax for a very long time.

Kylo hadn’t lied to Rey about his motives in Snoke’s throne room. Not really. But he hadn’t told her everything either.

He _had_ wanted to overthrow Snoke. He _had_ wanted control. He had decided on that even before he had felt Rey’s presence on the Supremacy. During those awful interminable days while he lay prone and confined in a bacta tank, recovering from the injuries inflicted on him on Starkiller base.

Those awful days when he had nothing else to occupy his mind but his memories of everything that had happened. Everything he had done. Everything he had been persuaded to do.

But he had never planned on doing anything about it so soon. Or so impetuously. Because it had never really been about gaining control of the First Order. He hadn’t even really considered what all of that would entail. It had all been about wrenching back some sort of control over his own future.

But he had not felt guilty about concealing the whole truth from Rey. Because now he wasn’t even sure if he ever really would have gone through with it. If he had ever really thought that ambition could be realised. Fear had kept Kylo Ren much too still for much too long.

Until Rey had been flung, screaming in agony into the air above him. Until she had hovered, quivering in fear before him as he reached for his saber. Until she had whispered his name as she gazed up into his eyes.

Rey had been right about one thing at least in the elevator.

His resolve had hardened. His future had clicked smoothly into place, as if foreordained. It had been suddenly very, very clear that Snoke had to go. He hadn’t been that one person to value Ben Solo as an individual with his own merit and a power that he was still coming to terms with. He never had been.

Snoke had just been another manipulator, like his parents and uncle had been before him. More interested in controlling him. In harnessing a power they feared, rather than finding out who he really could be.

And there was Rey, right in front of him, brave and true. Risking everything to be by his side, trusting him to be on her side. She had turned out to be that one person he hadn’t realised he had been waiting for all this time.

Rey had given him a chance. A choice. Like the choice he had yearned to make when he had placed his lightsaber into his father’s hand. The choice he yearned to make right then in Snoke’s throne room.

She had given him that chance to make that choice. And he had taken it. Filled with hope that someone believed in him at last. Everything had suddenly seemed so simple. So clear.

Until she had become yet another person who wanted to mould him into who they wanted him to be. And turned on him and abandoned him when he inevitably proved to be the disappointment he had always been. The monster he had always known himself to be.

None of this he particularly wanted to discuss with Rey, but he didn’t want to part with her on bad terms either. He didn’t want to part with her on any terms. Even if she persisted on snapping at him at every opportunity, it was better than not being around her at all.

Kylo heaved a sigh, staring moodily at Rey’s discarded wrap looped over the display monitor. Rey had once seen something beyond the monster. In her hut on Ahch-To when she had touched his hand. Something that had launched her across the galaxy to find him. And now after what she had said as they sat in the sun on Jakku, Kylo knew she _had_ believed in him. Because of what she had seen.

Whatever that was, it hadn’t come true on the Supremacy, that much was obvious.

Kylo Ren might be determined that he was not going to be anyone that anybody wanted him to be anymore. But all the same, he could not help wondering what version of Kylo Ren Rey had liked enough to seek out so zealously. And he couldn’t help wishing that Rey liked him for the version of Kylo Ren he was now. Even just a little bit. Even if he wasn’t quite sure himself who exactly Kylo Ren was.

He was roused from his thoughts by the porg on his lap, irritable now that the hand stroking him had become still. He hopped onto the display monitor and then flew back down hopefully when Kylo reached forward. Nudging his way back under Kylo’s hand as the wrap he had dislodged slid from the panel.

Kylo stroked the porg’s head absently, his eyes focusing distractedly now on the coordinates revealed by his feathered ally. And then he frowned, sitting forward for a closer look. Those weren’t the coordinates for Kef-Bir. He should know, they had been etched into his brain after spending so long interpreting them from the dagger. And yet they seemed familiar. He leaned over to focus in on the destination.

Takodana.

Kylo’s eyes widened. Rey had changed the coordinates to where the Resistance was. Or would be.

Rey hoisted Kylo’s holdall out of the way to reach hers for fresh clothes and paused, flexing her arm reflectively. It was surprisingly heavy. She hadn’t packed anything that should weigh this much for him. She regarded it meditatively before realising this wasn’t a bag she had packed for him. It was his, from the TIE interceptor. The same one that had up until recently housed his helmet. She glanced around guiltily.

She shouldn’t look. That was spying or snooping at best. But they _were_ on opposite sides. He was the one making this perfectly clear. Leia had told her to spy, hadn’t she? Besides if his other bag contained a tracker, wasn’t it possible this one did too? She took a deep breath, pushing aside her qualms and reached in, tentatively sifting through items of clothing.

And then she felt it, as if it had suddenly come alive under her fingertips.

Rey stood up, backing away from the bag as if she had been burnt. A presence, as intensely malignant as that she had sensed on the Death Star. She stared at the partially uncovered black metal helmet. It was warped and twisted as if at some point it had been smelted out of its original shape.

This was the helmet Kylo had told her about. His grandfather’s helmet. He had destroyed his own mask but not this one, even though he had it in his possession the whole time. The mask that had started all of this.

Rey couldn’t even begin to assimilate the shock she felt. There was too much in there to comprehend fully. She just knew it felt horrible, curling a nauseous feeling inside her stomach and setting her heart thumping heavily and painfully. How could he have hidden this from her? All this time. On Kef-Bir. On the Falcon. In her home on Jakku. After everything they had been through.

She glanced at her lightsaber lying on the bunk beside her. She could destroy it now.

Or she could find out what she could learn from it. She seized the lightsaber, holding it in readiness and hunkered down, torn between resolution and fear. What if this relic from the Dark Side affected her like the holocron had?

But this time she would at least be prepared. She would be ready to fight it instead of letting the darkness consume her as it had before.

Rey’s hand reached out until her fingers touched the surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know it looks bad at the moment, but the next chapter is going to be a bit of a game-changer for both Rey and Kylo. All of those petty squabbles and furtive longings are finally coming to a head. Prepare for high drama and high emotions - both bad and good. (But mostly good!💕)
> 
> I changed the Sith Troopers from TROS into mindless drone clones, because I've planned something later for the First Order stormtroopers and wanted them to have very separate identities. Plus I wanted to give Kylo a bit of a wake-up call. And I didn't like the idea of those Sith slave families or whatever they were in TROS (I'm not clear on who exactly the Final Order are in the movie at all!).


	17. Something Old, Something New...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is horrified by a message from a mysterious source and witnesses more than she bargains for. Kylo is haunted by his past, and just as all seems lost, lines become irrevocably blurred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be fights, there will be tears, but most importantly, there will be kisses. Hurray!

_“Rey.”_

Rey could sense the word rather than hear it, loud in her mind. She shuddered but kept her hand steady.

“Who are you?” she said aloud.

_“You know who I am.”_

“Palpatine,” she whispered.

_“Clever girl,”_ the voice purred. _“You seek the truth. Even though you fear it. You are not weak like Ben Solo. Like all of the Skywalkers.”_

Rey might not be a Skywalker, but she was not going to listen to this.

“I know why you tried to kill me. Why you tried to kill us both. It’s you who are afraid.”

_“So Ben Solo lives. A pity. But you are mistaken. I never wanted to kill you. I wanted to bring you to me. I would have, but you must not have given my emissaries a chance. You chose to protect him instead.”_

“I don’t believe you. If you kill him, you kill me,” said Rey.

_“Not anymore. You have fulfilled the dyad. You have returned my power to me.”_

Rey didn’t answer. She was too shocked to answer. Because she had no evidence he was wrong. There hadn’t been a Force connection since the Death Star. But then they hadn’t been separated since either.

“ _I have no further use for Skywalker’s heir. But you… you are different. You are special.”_

“Stop!” Rey ground out through gritted teeth.

_“He is weak, Rey. Didn’t he tell you why he sought me out?”_

Rey was silent and Palpatine cackled.

_“Of course he didn’t. The Supreme Leader he replaced was more than his master, he had been a part of him his entire life. From his mother’s womb. A voice in his head. A teacher. A protector. His only true friend. He might have killed Snoke, but he is only half alive without him. Ben Solo has never been whole. He can never be whole.”_

“No!” Rey shouted, whipping her hand off the helmet.

She stood up, her knees trembling. Barely aware of the sound of running footsteps and Kylo appearing in the doorway behind her.

“What happened?” he said, before looking down in the direction of her gaze. His face paled as she turned.

“That _thing!”_ said Rey in a shaken voice. “Why is it here?”

He didn’t answer her, and she realised he was staring at the lightsaber hilt still clutched in her fist. His eyes rose to meet hers and she thought she saw fear there.

“If he was tracking you through your mask, don’t you think he’s using this for the same purpose? Why didn’t you tell me? We could have destroyed it on Jakku.”

Kylo pushed past her to snatch up the holdall and she stepped back, staring at him in amazement.

“What are you doing? Why do you want to keep this thing? It’s _evil!_ ”

“How did you find it?” snapped Kylo. “What were you doing, snooping through my belongings?”

“Seriously?” said Rey in disbelief. “You’re angry with me? You’ve put us both in danger and you’re angry with me? I know who you were talking to. He spoke to me.”

Kylo said nothing but she could interpret the look on his face. Her first instinct had been right. But he wasn’t just frightened, he was ashamed, and all the righteous indignation in the galaxy couldn’t disguise it. And now Rey was remembering what Palpatine had said about him. In that moment, she had dismissed it as vindictive malice but now she was beginning to fear there was more than a grain of truth in his words. A horrified pity coursed up through her resentment, making her nauseous. She set her weapon down on the bunk beside her.

“You have to get rid of it,” she said in a low voice that she hoped sounded calm.

“No.” Kylo’s expression shut down. “You don’t understand. This isn’t like before. This is different.”

“How?” said Rey. “How is it different? It _is_ Palpatine. He told me.”

Kylo stared at her, anger creeping through numb shock. But when he spoke his voice was even.

“You’re lying,” he said. “I know who it is.”

“It isn’t your grandfather,” said Rey steadily. “He told me. About the dyad. About Snoke.” She forced herself to continue. He needed to know this, as horrible as it was going to be to hear.

“He told me why you needed the helmet. Kylo, he doesn’t want to help you. He wanted you dead on Jakku.”

Kylo said nothing, watching her like a cornered animal. She moved forward cautiously to take the bag from him, but he shied away as her hand reached for it, his eyes wild.

“Stop!” he snarled.

The vitriol in his voice, the fury in his face shocked her into horrified immobility for a moment. It felt like a very long time since she had seen that look in Kylo’s eyes.

But Rey had a temper of her own. And now it lashed inside her, frustration surging up to override pity.

She darted forward, grabbing at the handle, and yanked it. He was caught off-balance and lurched a couple of steps towards her before planting his feet and wrenching it back. But not before Rey had managed to seize it with both hands. She was dragged forward, wet bare feet skidding and stumbling on the hard floor.

Kylo was much too strong to overpower in a physical weaponless tussle. Rey knew it, even as she hung on doggedly. But she couldn’t bring herself to believe he would hurt her. She _didn’t_ believe it. But the look that descended on Kylo’s face made her breath catch in her throat and she almost let go, suddenly scared it might come to this. Not an ideal situation when all that covered her was a carelessly tucked in towel.

Kylo’s grip tightened, feeling her small fists clenched on either side of his. It would be so easy to peel her fingers away, to twist her wrists until they loosened their grip. And let loose whatever was building up inside him in a purging fit of violence.

But even underneath that dreadful floundering haze of anger and hurt and rage, he could hear his promise to her on Jakku. Hear her promise to him. Her whisper.

_I won’t let anybody hurt you either._

His mind reeled in panic, reaching out instinctively to the Force.

Just as Rey’s did.

Alarm shot through Kylo as he felt Rey's mind touch his. The holdall fell to the ground as he jolted backwards, too scattered and unsettled to slam shut a barrier against her. Their eyes met, Rey’s wide and shocked.

“I didn’t mean to,” she stammered and then gasped in horror.

She was still there, trapped inside his mind. That barrier had slammed shut too late, locking her in. Frozen in place as if petrified by an electric surge. Rey recoiled, frantically attempting to free herself, to unsee what lay behind the doors that flew open before her. But it was too late. For both of them. Kylo’s hurt and confusion writhed and swelled, spilling out, bursting through her mind.

Rey was swept under a flood of half-formed memories and roiling emotions, unable to make sense of what she was witnessing. Under the layers of anger and frustration, under the loss and grief and guilt, were deeper wells, dark and turbulent and she struggled in panic, feeling the icy malignant touch of Snoke on her soul. Curling around it like a claw, digging in and taking hold. Like it had on the Supremacy.

“Kylo!” she screamed, reaching out to him. Trying to find him as darkness wrapped around her, stifling her, suffocating her. But he was so far away. Further away than he had ever been, even though he was a step away and she was sifting through his mind. And the darkness began to settle, slithering, crawling into the corners of her mind. Lurking, lying in wait for her thoughts to surface. 

She sobbed, stumbling forward to slam a hand against his chest.

“Ben!”

His eyes closed, his hands flew up to cover his face and Rey was released so suddenly she fell back, hitting the floor with a jarring thud.

Rey sucked air into her lungs, limbs trembling as she tried to haul herself up onto her elbows. Kylo was standing, head in his hands, back pressed against the wall. And even though she was no longer imprisoned in there with him, Rey knew what held him so still. Something so awful her own mind didn’t want to acknowledge it.

Because beneath the revulsion Kylo had felt for Snoke, there was something more. A despair, a terrible flailing loneliness. Anguish for the loss of the lifelong shadowy companion in his mind. As if he truly had murdered a part of himself.

Leia had told her about what Snoke had done. Luke had. Palpatine had. Even Kylo himself had. But none of this had prepared her for what that had felt like. Her chest pounded with pity for Ben Solo. So painfully it hurt. Now she knew why he had agreed that he was a monster as she stood in the rain on Ahch-To. He had been moulded into a monster. By the monster who had shared his mind from before he was born.

“Ben?” she whispered.

A shudder ran through him, but he didn’t move. She saw his shoulders hunch higher and couldn’t hold back any longer. Although the connection had been severed, his misery still thrummed through her as if it were hers to bear. It was unbearable, and she wasn’t sure if she needed to give comfort or receive it, but she couldn’t just lie there on the floor, a mute witness to this pain.

Rey clambered up, stealing towards him on quiet bare feet. She had almost reached him when he dropped his hands, so suddenly she stopped in her tracks. He looked more composed than she had expected, but as she held his gaze, his eyes shifted between hers warily, hiding something from her.

“I’m sorry,” she said uneasily. “I didn’t mean to do that. I didn’t want to.”

Kylo’s face contorted, his lips compressing together tightly. And now she could see what he was battling to keep from her. That shame and misery she had felt in his mind. That he had lived with his entire life. 

“I am sorry,” she said quietly. “For all of it.”

She was moving closer and although his brain urged him to move away, he stood still, feeling her fingers light on his wrist, slide down to brush his clenched knuckles.

“What happened to you. It was horrible. And cruel.” Rey’s voice was husky as she struggled for words that could never express all she wanted them to. “It wasn’t _fair.”_

And then he turned his hand to clasp hers. His last tether to a world he had almost forgotten. Where there was kindness. Sweetness. Goodness.

His eyes stung, and he scrunched them shut, pulling Rey towards him to bury her face in his chest so she couldn’t look up. He gulped painfully, holding her tighter, too tight, but Kylo wasn’t fully in control any more. Nothing or nobody else mattered and he was suddenly terrified to let her go.

Rey was the only place he wanted to go. He wanted to delve into her mind and see everything, understand everything. See the world through her eyes, live through her. He wanted to lay her down on the bed beside him and discover everything about her, lose himself completely in everything that was Rey until there was nothing left of him. Until he was hidden within her, safe and protected. His fractured parts binding with hers until he was beautiful, luminous, pure. But as Kylo felt her arms winding around him he knew he would never be able to do any of those things.

Her arms held him tight, but he knew that if Rey were to truly embrace him, all of him, it would result not in his salvation but her destruction. He would spoil her, destroy her from the inside out with his misery and wickedness. He wanted to let her go but tears were beginning to seep through his closed lids and shame kept him still, his muscles rigid in a desperate attempt to hold in sobs that threatened to burst free from his chest.

Rey’s hands fluttered, her head moved, and Kylo relaxed his tight grip, stepping back to release her. His hands shooting up to wipe his eyes before she could see them. So desperate to avoid her eyes that he backed away, blinking blindly at the floor. His eyes hazily focusing on the holdall that had dropped sometime during those awful moments when she had been trapped in his mind.

He picked it up impulsively without any idea of what he wanted to do with it. It made him feel sick.

“You have to get rid of it,” said Rey quietly. “You don’t need it. Not anymore.” Rey saw him flinch, his gaze rise to become trapped by hers. Those beautiful haunted dark eyes glittering between wet lashes. Rey wanted to cry for him, but she wouldn’t. Not now.

She moved forward to lay a hand over his clenched fist and felt it spasm under her palm. “I know who you are.”

Kylo tossed his hair back, his lips compressing in a tight line. A little nerve ticked under his eye.

“You don’t,” he said stiffly.

“I do," said Rey quietly. "You told me that once and now I believe it. I’ve seen who you can be. Without Snoke. Without Palpatine. You are the person who comforts me when I need it most. Who tells me the truths I need to hear. Who protects me, even from myself.”

Kylo said nothing. He couldn't, his heart thumping so hard he could feel it in his throat.

Rey’s fingers closed over his knuckles, feeling his fist slackening its grip.

“I _know_ you.”

Kylo tried to look away but couldn’t, too eager to know what that meant. Too desperately hopeful to let this moment pass.

A hesitant smile touched Rey’s lips, her eyes a little shy. Her thumb brushed over the back of his hand and she heard the bag thump to the floor. Felt his fingers slide through hers and her breath quickened. Whatever she said next could not be taken back and fright coursed through her, tightening her grip on his fingers. Seeing his lips part on a sudden breath, his dark eyes light with something that thrilled her. Rey gazed up into them, becoming more and more lost with every everlasting moment that passed.

She should move away. She should end this. But she was so close. So close to seeing who he truly was. To letting him see who she truly thought he was.

“I know you,” she said bravely and took a deep sustaining breath before she spoke again, her courage dissolving into a whisper.

“I like you.”

Kylo’s breath left him in a shudder, his fingers clutching hers convulsively. Sending Rey’s other hand shooting up to slap flat onto his chest. His eyes dropped to it for a moment before looking up to meet hers again. There was apprehension there now and she realised he wasn’t sure if she was pushing him away or bringing him closer.

She wasn’t sure herself, but her hand appeared to have a mind of its own, creeping up until her fingertips touched his collarbone over the neckline of his tunic. His heart pounded under her palm, he made the smallest move towards her and then she was stretching up on tiptoes and he was leaning in until there was no space left between them.

Kylo held his breath, barely believing it as her face tilted up, his stunned gaze flitting between her eyes and her lips.

Rey's eyes closed, she felt the warmth of his breath suddenly on her lips, and reached up to touch them to his, pressing a kiss into their softness. His lips moved tentatively against hers and Rey swayed on her toes before being steadied by a firm hand on her waist, his grip tightening on her hand. Her fingers slipped around the curve of his neck, a tingling jolt running through her as his lips suddenly yielded under hers, parting to let her kiss him more deeply. Like he had shown her how to kiss on the Death Star. 

Drawing in that deliciously soft full bottom lip until it quivered and firmed between hers. And then his mouth pressed into hers, sliding over it eagerly, curving her lips, letting her gasp in a breath before diving in again. Tilting and angling to snatch her lips up into long glorious achingly ardent kisses. So dizzyingly divine that Rey needed the support of his big hands clasping her more than ever.

It was heavenly, exhilarating, and Rey was back in that warm dark place where Kylo’s lips, Kylo’s hands, Kylo’s skin, Kylo’s big strong body became her entire world.

Kylo had never resented his height until now, probably because trying to satisfactorily kiss a teetering girl had never been an issue before. He wrapped an arm around her, dragging her body closer. Leaning down further so she could rest back on her heels. Slipping a hand up through her wet hair to hold her head in place so he could kiss her as thoroughly as he wished.

His heart hammered in excitement. Because this was incredible, unbelievable, and Kylo didn’t want to question any of it. This was really happening. And she wasn’t drunk, or under any sinister influence.

Rey was kissing him, and he could kiss her back. At last.

And just when he was getting lost in the overwhelming pleasure of the sensation, he felt her draw back and chased her lips, desperate not to lose contact.

“Stop,” she whispered sharply, and Kylo opened his eyes dazedly to look down at her.

Which wasn’t a good idea. The pink glow on her high cheekbones and full lips rosier and plumper from his kisses only made him want to kiss her more. Rey slid her hand down to his chest, gently pushing him away as he leaned in again. And then he could see that her blushes weren’t just kiss related. Her other hand was clutching the top of her towel, the knot of which had somehow come undone at some point during their embrace.

Kylo’s head spun, unable to stop himself staring as she tucked in the ends as briskly as possible. And even when he did manage to drag his eyes upwards it didn’t improve his lightheaded state at all. Rey’s bashful smile, all dimples, and big perfect white teeth, was so sweet it took his breath away. How he could have ever thought her simply pretty baffled him.

She was beautiful. The most beautiful girl he had ever seen. The most beautiful girl anyone would ever see, decided Kylo with absolute certainty.

“I should get dressed,” said Rey in a breathless little voice.

“Of course,” mumbled Kylo.

Rey waited, but Kylo remained rooted to the spot, staring at her. A nervous giggle escaped her, startling him out of his stupor.

“Are you staying to watch?”

His eyes flickered, face flushing.

“No! No, I’ll go,” he said and backed away, stumbling over his bag on the way out.

The door slid shut behind him and Rey sat down suddenly with a protesting creak of the old mattress on the bunk inside the door. Smile widening as she hugged her towel to her in a squirm of delight. Deep, deep inside was a little warning voice telling her that she had gone too far but she ignored it. She would much prefer to remember what Kylo’s kisses had felt like. How everything that had been wrong had suddenly become right.

She _did_ know him. But… Rey’s eyes closed, a rapturous sigh leaving her… not as well as she wanted to. She wanted to kiss him again. And again. And again.

The little voice was screaming at her now, much louder than before. What exactly did she know?

She knew _something_ , Rey defended herself. She was now pretty sure that she had discovered the nicest, most deliciously soft lips in the entire galaxy. But apart from that? Hadn’t she originally only meant to reassure him? In order to find Ben Solo behind the mask of Kylo Ren? What had kissing him (no matter how amazing that was) have to do with that?

It _had_ meant something, decided Rey stubbornly, getting up to find clothes. Her eye wandered to the bag where Darth Vader’s helmet lay, and her smile returned.

“I hope you enjoyed that,” she said with relish and kicked it with enough force to send it shooting under the bunk opposite, hurting her bare toes in the process. It didn’t spoil her mood.

No voice in Kylo’s head had told him to kiss her back the way he had. No monster could possess lips so sweet, so tender, so ardent. Or hold her so passionately, so needily. As needily as she needed him to. Palpatine was wrong about him. Ben Solo was not some half-alive puppet of Snoke. Or Palpatine. Underneath that cracked helmet he was the most real, most vital creature she had ever met. He always had been, even when she had hated him. Trapped in a prison by Snoke, like the prison she had created for herself on Jakku.

Rey’s heart was light as she bound her arms before shrugging into a fresh white vest and grey cropped trousers. Ben Solo wasn’t just close to being unmasked. He was here in the Millennium Falcon with her. She had kissed him, felt his strength, his kindness, his goodness. It might take him a little longer to realise that, but Rey knew what it was to wait. She might have promised herself that was something she wouldn’t do anymore, but promises were made to be broken.

And for Ben Solo (best kisser in the known galaxy since the beginning of time) this would be a promise worth breaking.

Kylo had left the crew’s quarters in a similarly ecstatic frame of mind. It continued until he found himself in the main hold, dithering between lingering there for Rey and waiting for her to return to the cockpit instead. It would probably seem less desperate if he moved on to the cockpit. But a baser part of him was inclined to remain in the main hold where there was comfortable seating and behind it, he couldn’t help but notice, a very convenient bunk.

His stomach tightened, a flush burning up through his entire body at the sight of it, but Kylo quickly damped down that flutter of excitement. Rey had kissed him. That was enough. That was more than enough. And she was currently putting clothes on, not taking them off.

But that was not the thought that sobered his spirits.

It was because he was looking around him, seeing the main hold as he had when he had first set foot on the Falcon on Kef-Bir. But now he could almost see the ghost of his father battling with Chewie at the Dejarik table, his mother watching them fondly, before scooping Ben up to hold him close.

_Chewie yowled, slamming his furry fist down on the table._

_His father shook his head, lounging back against his seat. "You gotta learn the rules, Chewie,” he said with a wry smile. “You won’t beat me until you do.”_

_Chewie roared, but Han only laughed, getting up to take Ben from Leia, to swing him into his arms._

_“You wouldn’t. Not with this little guy here to witness it.”_

_Chewie’s head tilted, his response a gentle murmur and Han held out a giggling Ben, flipping him so the world turned upside down and Ben’s delight amplified hysterically as he was tossed into the Wookiee’s waiting arms. His world was righted again by Chewbacca’s gentle paws and he wriggled around until he was firmly ensconced in the Wookiee’s lap._

_“I know the rules,” he piped up. “I can beat you. I’ll play with Chewie.”_

_“Look what you’re teaching our son,” laughed his mother, leaning over to place a kiss into his mop of black curls. “What have you done to my baby? He shouldn’t know how to fight monsters at his age.”_

_“Never too early,” said Han, putting an arm around her and giving her an affectionate squeeze._

_“Alright, Ben my boy, let’s see what you got.”_

He and Chewie had won that day, but Kylo wondered now if his father had let them. It certainly had seemed like a much tamer version of the game he had previously played with Chewbacca. He _had_ let him win, and now Kylo’s heart clenched at the memory of his exultant crows of glee, his parents’ shared indulgent smiles. There had been so much love in this room. So much love he had chosen to forget. So much love he had chosen to destroy.

He could try to tell himself that he had needed to do it to relinquish his past. To fulfil the potential Snoke had seen in him. That nobody else had seen or understood. But that resolve felt horribly empty now, here in this ship that had been more a home to his family than any other he could remember.

Where Rey now was. He remembered the sweetness of her kisses now with more wretchedness than pleasure. He didn’t deserve them. He never could and it was only now that he could see them for what they were. She did know who he was. She had spoken to Palpatine and he had told her. She had seen all of who he was in his mind.

She had kissed him out of compassion. There could be no other reason now she knew how pathetic he was. How killing Snoke had killed a part of himself that he had then been so risibly desperate to replace. How he had willingly let himself be used and manipulated all over again. The shock of that still tore at him, even though it didn’t hurt him now as deeply as it should. He was more concerned about the fact that Rey knew about it too.

Rey, who had always been strong enough to stand alone. To defy her master, her friends, Snoke. Even Kylo himself. The other half of the dyad created by a force much more powerful than both of them. She hadn’t broken away from him purely because of towel-slipping concerns. She had seized that opportune moment to prevent what they were doing going any further. He knew he should be grateful he hadn’t disgusted her so much that she wouldn’t consider kissing him, even out of pity, but it hurt.

And then another thought struck Kylo, just as unwelcome as the ones that had gone before.

He had enjoyed kissing her. But what if she hadn’t enjoyed kissing him? Shamefully, he had no standard by which he could judge. What if he had been awful, his stupid inexperienced hands pawing at her, his stupid inexperienced lips too deplorably inept to please someone who kissed as perfectly as Rey did? His brain shied away from remembering their kisses now in case he had done something to revolt her.

Rey found him, still standing despondently in the main hold, and stopped short, feeling shyness curl into her excitement. She had spent more time than she could ever remember looking at herself in the clouded little mirror in the refresher. Her hands had risen to her hair, about to scrape it back into her customary style when she paused, seeing a sparkle in her eyes she had never noticed before. Her arms lowered slowly as she gazed at her reflection. At the pinkness warming her brown skin. At the drying tousle of shaggy curls his fingers had mussed up as he had kissed her, and she couldn’t bring herself to change any of it.

This was a Rey she had never seen before, a Rey who had kissed and been kissed by a man who had held her as if she were something precious. She shivered wantonly. Something _desirable_. She smiled at her reflection, liking what she saw. She liked this Rey. Her mind flitted back to the red dress she had worn on Kef-Bir. And now, for the first time in her life, Rey couldn’t help but wish that she had something more ladylike or pretty to wear other than the practical boyish garb she had brought with her.

That’s silly, she told herself severely, straightening her vest, before tucking it in and then changing her mind again. Pulling it out and down to cover her waistband. He probably wouldn’t even notice what she wore. It didn’t matter.

All the same, she felt ridiculously self-conscious as she stepped into the main hold. But then Kylo turned and all of her trepidation disappeared when she saw his face. He was nervous. Just as nervous as she was and now all of her anxiety could be gratefully channelled into a need to soothe his unease.

“Hello,” she said, a smile creeping over her face.

She moved towards him and took his resistless hand, burrowing her fingers through his. She saw his eyes widen in wonder, felt his fingers tighten around hers and lunged up to bestow a kiss on the tip of his chin. He dipped his head to receive a second kiss full on the lips.

Rey rocked back on her heels, pleased with the result of her efforts. Braver and more resolute with the response her kiss had received. Those _lips!_

“Come with me to Takodana,” she whispered and saw a crease between his brows disturb his relieved smile. “You don’t have to meet anyone. Nobody even has to know you’re there. Just stay with me, until we’re safe. Until we know what to do next.”

“Maybe,” Kylo heard himself say. Because he could barely comprehend what was happening.

Rey had just sauntered in and kissed him. Just like that.

Breaking through all of his worries and fears, as if kissing him was the most natural thing in the world, and right now nothing else really mattered. She was smiling up at him more seriously now, but all his stunned eyes could focus on were dimples and rumpled curls and big earnest eyes. A warm slate grey in the soft light of the Falcon. Kylo's heart rocketed into a rather worrying tempo.

“We can’t bring that helmet there,” she said. “Palpatine could find us. And we’re not ready for that yet.”

He nodded, feeling a little delirious as her fingers threaded through his tighter.

“Do you want to do it?” asked Rey. “Or would you rather I did?”

“I want to,” he said and was surprised by how much he meant it.

He gripped her hand for a moment before opening his fingers to slip them free of hers. And because her smile was wavering now, between her own happiness and concern for him, Kylo couldn’t resist taking her face into his hands and kissing the worried crease from her forehead before leaving.

His resolve faltered a little as he entered the crew’s quarters, seeing his grandfather’s helmet lying in the bag which had somehow travelled from the centre of the room to halfway under a bunk. He dragged the bag back, about to take out the helmet and then paused, torn between destroying it immediately and using this opportunity to consult with it one last time. Kylo shook his head as if to clear it.

No. He had no need for masks anymore. The only voice he wanted in his head now was Rey’s. She could be his guide, his conscience.

He took the helmet out, draped in the grey shirt he had discarded before his fresher to create a barrier between it and him and dropped it with a heavy thud to the floor, stopping its roll with the toe of his boot. His lightsaber crackled into life and he stepped back, wrapping both hands around the hilt before resolutely driving it down, splintering through the brittle ruined metal.

It shattered with a scream through the Force.

This time it didn’t shock him, but he wasn’t prepared for a bright light whiting out his vision, the rush of giddiness that swept over him, as if a great substantial burden had suddenly been lifted.

As if something had been released.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the cliff-hanger!  
> And yay for Rey and Kylo finally getting to express how they feel! Though I'm a bit nervous, I hope I didn't big it up too much beforehand! I really hope you liked it! 🤞  
> It won't be all rapturous straightforward smoochiness from here onwards, because we are dealing with repressed Rey and angsty Kylo after all! But I am going to give them a couple more chapters to have a bit of time to decompress and be cute before reality kicks in! 💕  
> Please be aware that this will be a slow burn romance as they get their heads around what's happening. They each have to overcome their own particular demons so they won't be getting super physical super quickly.


	18. The Legacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey receive counsel from a voice from the past, Finn and Rose have an uncomfortable conversation, misunderstandings abound, and Rey feels an urgent need to set some boundaries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a monster to edit, I almost rewrote the entire chapter! A lot of complicated musings ahead after a special guest star appearance. And kissing of course!

Something had been released.

The light faded and Kylo blinked, focusing on a nebulous shape forming out of pale blue light. For the briefest moment he thought he saw Luke, but this figure was taller, almost as tall as he was. A young man in a dark robe, handsome, with tawny curls and eyes as blue as Luke’s.

Kylo knew without any doubt that he was looking at his grandfather.

_“Leia’s boy,”_ said Anakin Skywalker. _“I’ve been watching your progress.”_

“Grandfather,” faltered Kylo.

Finally, he was face-to-face with the man he had idolised for almost a decade and he couldn’t find the words he had always wanted to say, the questions he had always wanted to ask. This was happening much too soon after the revelation about the helmet. Much too soon after Rey’s kisses.

Kylo stared mutely at him. Too overwhelmed by everything. Too rattled to put everything he now knew into the places they belonged. Maybe Rey had been mistaken after all. Maybe the voice she had heard hadn’t been Palpatine. Kylo didn’t want to believe she would deliberately lie about something like that. She _couldn’t_. His mind shied away from the very thought of that.

But if Rey hadn’t been mistaken or lying, why was Anakin Skywalker here? Could it be that this really was the man he had been speaking to all along?

This man, who looked nothing like whatever Kylo had expected. Even more confusingly, this vision of his grandfather only appeared to be roughly the same age as he was. And as he stared at the glowing blue figure in perplexed shock, he saw Anakin’s eyes roving over his own face with equal interest, as if searching for something.

Something he found.

_“You have your grandmother’s eyes_ ,” he smiled sadly.

Kylo started. He had known his grandfather had secretly married a senator from Naboo. A former queen, tiny and dark-eyed like his mother. He had even seen holos of her, so he shouldn’t be as surprised as he was. But all of that was before he had known Anakin Skywalker had become Darth Vader. He had all but forgotten Padmé Amidala after that revelation. It had been somehow too incongruous, too odd to think of the formidable Darth Vader having a wife at any point in his life.

_“I am sorry for everything that has happened. That you have had to bear the burden I left for my children to carry. I’m sorry you have had to pay for my sins.”_

Kylo looked bewildered. This really wasn’t going the way he thought it would.

“I did what you wished. I’m finishing what you started.”

_“You can do that, but not the way you think. It was not me you spoke to through that helmet. But I heard you.”_ Anakin shook his head. _“Don’t make the mistakes I made. Do not try to bend the Force to your will. You will never find what you seek that way. I know that now.”_

“I _have_ the power you sought. Only Palpatine stands in the way now,” said Kylo.

_“I only ever wanted that power to control my fate, to control the fate of those I loved. But that desire for power poisoned me.”_ Anakin’s voice was sombre. _“It was I who brought about the destruction of everything I loved, not fate. As will you if you continue down a dark path.”_

The vision of Rey lying lifeless in that cold dead place flashed into Kylo’s mind. He swallowed.

“I won’t let that happen.”

_“That’s what I believed,”_ said Anakin gently. _“Don’t let fear rule your decisions. You do have the power to change your destiny, but that power does not belong to you. The Force is strong in you. Let it be your guide.”_

“It’s too late for that,” Kylo said rigidly. “You don’t know what I’ve done.”

_“I know all of it. It’s never too late. I should know.”_ He looked past Kylo. _“And you have help.”_

Kylo turned to see Rey standing in the doorway, transfixed.

_“You have Rey,”_ said Anakin. _“The fate of the galaxy rests on you both. Trust each other.”_

Rey stepped forward to stand beside Kylo. “Who are you?”

Anakin smiled at the belligerence in her voice _. “Anakin Skywalker.”_

“Darth Vader!” she blurted out and clutched Kylo’s arm in a protective manner that didn’t escape Anakin’s notice.

_“Not anymore.”_ His smile broadened. _“My son was right about you. You have all the strength you will need for what must be done.”_

“Luke?” Rey’s brows drew together, her voice losing some of its defiance. “What do you know about me? Do you know who I am? What I am?”

_“Yes,”_ Anakin nodded. _“The origin of your power was a lot like my own.”_

“Palpatine?” whispered Rey. “Is it true? _Did_ he create me?”

_“No,”_ said Anakin kindly. _“Palpatine cannot create life. At least not a life such as yours. You were born as any other. The power you wield was always inside you. But it would never have developed the way it has if the Force had not chosen you to be its instrument in the fight against the Dark Side.”_

“The Force?” said Kylo, feeling Rey’s fingers stiffen on his arm. 

Anakin nodded gravely. _“Much like I was. I was created by the Force to heal the rift caused by Palpatine. With Luke’s help, I thought we had finally achieved that, but Palpatine found a way to cheat death. And the Force once again turned to the bloodline it had created. But as you grew older and Snoke’s grip tightened on you, it had to seek out another._

_“It found you, Rey. It released the potential latent within you so you could equal the power of the Skywalkers. To bring balance to the Force.”_

“It wasn’t true,” whispered Rey. “Any of it.”

Kylo looked down at her as her hand slid around to tuck into the crook of his elbow. His arm pressed her hand tight against his side as he waited for her to say more but she stayed silent, staring at Anakin.

His eyes flicked back to his grandfather’s. “You said Palpatine cheated death? How?”

_“He concealed the means to restore his power within an ancient Sith relic known only to Snoke, an accomplice he hid in the Unknown Regions,”_ replied Anakin. _“Snoke had always been intended to be Palpatine’s safety measure. A sacrifice to be made to the Dark Side. A vessel for Palpatine’s soul. Snoke saved Palpatine’s body but would not sacrifice himself or release the power locked within the relic.”_

“If that’s true, who’s been speaking to me?” asked Kylo. “If his power was locked away, how could Palpatine communicate with me?”

_“He still had enough sway in the Dark Side of the Force,”_ said Anakin. _“Some of that power he hid in the helmet you found on Endor. It had always been there. To keep me in check. But he didn’t have enough to return to his full strength. He needed the power that was released from the relic. To find what he needed to restore himself.”_

“The holocron,” said Rey miserably, her hand slipping from Kylo’s arm and he reached down to take it.

Anakin’s eyes lingered on Rey’s fingers interlacing with his grandson’s and then rose to see how this simple physical connection fortified them both. 

Kylo’s grip on Rey’s fingers tightened reassuringly. “Palpatine doesn’t have the holocron. It’s in the hands of the Resistance. He can’t restore himself to his full power.”

Anakin shook his head. _“He doesn’t need it. The holocron belonged to his master, Darth Plaguies. Palpatine used the dagger to draw you to it. Unlocking the holocron directed him to where Plaguies had hidden something else. Something powerful that had previously been concealed from his sight on Exegol.”_

“What is it?” Rey breathed, round-eyed.

_“That’s something we don’t know,”_ Anakin replied. _“I knew there was something buried in the Unknown Regions. But Palpatine had learned from the mistakes of the Sith who had gone before him. He kept the nature of what that was a secret from me.”_

“We failed,” said Rey quietly.

Kylo did not like the despair he heard in those two little words. It brought to the front a more familiar emotion.

“Why didn’t you say any of this before?” he demanded, brows lowering. “Before the Death Star? Before we opened the holocron?”

Anakin was unfazed by the thunderous look in Kylo’s eyes.

_“Would you have listened?”_ He saw Kylo’s mouth tighten, his eyebrows twitch, and his voice softened. _“I knew when you destroyed my mask you were finally ready.”_

His eyes ran over Rey’s anxious face, his grandson’s irresolute one and saw Rey’s fingers curl tightly around Kylo’s slackening grip.

_“Together you are strong. You can defeat him. But there are others, working against you in the darkness. To overcome all of this you may need assistance. There is a place on Takodana. Ask Maz Kanata. She will know. There you will receive the help you need.”_

Anakin smiled at them both a little wistfully.

_“May the Force be with you.”_

He was gone before they could answer him.

Finn found Rose with BB-8 in the engineering bay of the Tantive IV. She looked around at him and smiled. He noticed a smudge of oil on her cheek and grinned, hoisting himself up to perch on an equipment crate beside her.

“You never stop, do you?”

“I will on the day the Resistance can afford to buy new ships,” she said. “All of these hyperjumps are hard on these poor things. This old Corvette has seen too much action in its lifetime already.”

She patted a worn metal casing affectionately. “Have you heard anything from Rey?”

“She’s on her way to Takodana,” he replied.

“Good. And Kylo Ren?”

“I didn’t ask. I’m sure he’s found some way to sneak back to the First Order.”

Rose nodded. “Did she say anything about Jakku?”

“Only that she got what she needed.”

Finn’s voice was abstracted, and she glanced at him curiously to see him picking at a rusted spot on the surface of the crate.

He looked up. “Can you believe Hux is here? On this ship? After what he did on the Supremacy?”

Rose’s teeth set grimly. “I know. I want to go down to that cell with a blaster. Let him see how that feels.”

Finn had to laugh at this bloodthirsty side of Rose. “Except you wouldn’t. Not in cold blood.”

“No,” Rose admitted regretfully. “I probably wouldn’t. I could pretend I was going to. Or let him escape and then I’d _have_ to shoot him.”

“Or zap him with a stun prod,” suggested Finn.

“Or zap him with a stun prod,” she agreed. Her smile grew pensive. “Have you seen the stormtroopers?”

“Rose!” sighed Finn. “It’s not like we all know each other. There are thousands of stormtroopers.”

“I wasn’t going to say that.”

“Maybe not. But you want me to meet with them.” He raised his eyebrows and saw her mouth twist in an effort not to say anything. “What would you expect me to say?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. _I_ wasn’t a stormtrooper. What would _you_ say?”

BB-8’s head spun on its magnetic rollers between the two interestedly.

Finn looked at her a little helplessly. “You’re a really nice person, Rose. Not everybody is.”

She flushed and frowned. “They can be. If they’re given a chance. And I don’t know if I’m that nice. I _have_ just been plotting Hux’s assassination.”

Finn’s eyes softened. “Yes, you are.” He reached out unthinkingly to wipe the smear of oil from her cheek and she flinched, her eyes widening.

“What are you doing?”

A pink tinge flooded Finn’s cheeks. “You have a piece of… there’s a smudge.”

“Oh,” said Rose stiffly, and rubbed her cheek with the sleeve of her overalls before turning away to pick up her hydrospanner. “You can tell Nien Nunb I’m almost finished here.”

Finn watched her apprehensively for a moment, but she appeared too busy to talk to him anymore. He bit his lip, sliding off the crate and made his way back to the bridge to relay her message. BB-8 bleeped despondently and rolled after him.

Rey and Kylo sat in silence on the lounge seat in the main hold. They had discussed every revelation disclosed by Anakin Skywalker in exhaustive detail, speculating on various aspects of the information he had given them that they needed to make sense of.

It had been awful to have what they had suspected on Jakku verified beyond doubt. To have it unequivocally confirmed that their unwitting actions on the Death Star had been the cause of Palpatine’s return to strength.

But Rey’s discovery that she wasn’t the result of some dreadful Dark Side machination had buoyed her up throughout. She had made steadfast attempts not to dwell on the implications of that horrifying vision on the Death Star, but now that she knew it had all been a lie, the relief she felt was dizzying. As if some great weight she hadn’t known she carried had been removed so quickly it rendered her lightheaded.

There was still a side of her Rey was too afraid to examine too closely. That fierce side that seemed to relish power, enjoy inflicting pain, crave those dark pleasures. But at least she now knew she had been chosen by the Force, not Palpatine. That fierce side that frightened her was not something that was destined to take root and overpower any better instincts. She could learn to control it.

And it wasn’t just Rey who appeared to have been altered by this interlude. Kylo seemed different too. In a good way. She could sense an easing of the tension in the Force around him. As if something inside him too had been lifted.

This had felt almost right, sitting beside him, discussing their future, scary as that was.

Almost right. Rey threw a covert sidelong glance at Kylo’s profile, wishing she could dig up the courage to move a little closer. It was a very nice profile that made her stomach quiver and her knees clench together. That brooding brow and straight aquiline nose over such full soft lips. Those full soft lips that were now set in the most alluring contemplative pout.

How exciting it was to know that the quiver she felt in her stomach, the attraction she had tried so hard to fight for so long was not something to be feared anymore. She hadn’t been created as some sort of shadow bride for a Dark Side lord. Or manipulated in some sinister way in order to find Kylo Ren attractive. And now she knew that she hadn’t gone through her life, blithely impervious to the attractions of other men because she had been made exclusively just for him.

She was Rey. Just Rey. It didn’t matter now that she had never felt this way about anyone else before. Because she had never met anyone like Kylo before.

On that regrettable night on Ajan Kloss when Rey had drunk a little too much wine, Kaydel had explained about types. A physical type that each individual person found most attractive. Hers apparently was dark and handsome, hence her repeated ill-fated liaisons with dark and handsome Poe.

Rose had insisted she didn’t have one, her type requiring nothing more than a kind heart. Rey wasn’t so sure if she believed her now. There were a lot of kind-hearted men in the Resistance, but she had never noticed Rose being particularly affected by any of them. Other than Finn.

When it was Rey’s turn to answer she had offered nothing beyond an indeterminate mumbling agreement with Rose’s statement. And she had been relieved not to be questioned further. Because much as she hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it, Rey had secretly suspected that, like Kaydel (and Rose, if only she would admit it), she favoured dark and handsome too.

With added tallness.

Although now Rey also suspected that if all of the tall, dark, and handsome men in the galaxy were lined up in front of her, she would still be drawn to Kylo Ren alone.

It wasn’t just because he had a body that made her knees tremble and her breath choke in her throat. Or a mouth that appeared to have been wonderfully and specifically designed for kissing. Rey was convinced that nobody else in the entire galaxy could possess such an enthralling combination of stern sombre beauty and meltingly sweet vulnerability all in the one lovely face.

Rey didn’t have a type. Not really. Unless a type could be refined down to comprise only of one person. Which was understandable, she thought. Because Kylo Ren really was very, very beautiful.

But still Rey could not bring herself to edge her way over those last few little inches. After they had made their way back into the main hold it had felt a little strange to venture back into that new territory they had so recently discovered. There were momentous things to discuss. The fate of the galaxy had to take precedence over more personal matters.

Rey was pretty sure Anakin’s advice to trust each other and find strength in each other was not intended to encourage further heated bouts of kissing. Much as Rey would like it if he had at least hinted it was.

Maybe Kylo was thinking that too. Or maybe that interruption to their new way of being in each other’s company had propelled him back into his former undemonstrative ways.

In her little stone hut on Ahch-To, Rey had known that Kylo Ren had felt fear when he took his glove off as she sat waiting, her hand extended towards his. She had thought then that this fear was similar to hers, a reflection of her own. A fear of the unknown. A fear of acknowledging the special relationship their strange bond had ignited. But she hadn’t known then what it felt like to live inside Kylo Ren’s head. Not really.

And now Rey couldn’t forget what that had felt like. That horrible _farawayness_. That almost tangible embrace of some dreadful other that pulled her away from him. Stifling her impulse to connect. Almost physical in its potency. How difficult it had been to reach out when she was trapped in that terrible place he had lived in for so long. To touch him, to jolt him out of his horror.

The strength it must have taken for him to reach out to her on that cold dark night was something she could only fathom now. A strength she had not recognised then in the tremble of his fingertips pushed so gently against hers. And now that she knew, she wanted to curl up in his lap and wrap her arms around him in gratitude that he had summoned up that strength. To make that one little gesture that had meant so much. That had brought her such _comfort_.

Kylo Ren was free of that strangling oppressive presence now. He had freed himself of it when he had killed Snoke. And it was only now that Rey could fully understand what that meant.

She remembered that sensation that had swept from him through her like a wild fire in the aftermath of that deed. That desperation that had turned into cold flinty armour when she rejected his offer to stand beside him. His rage, his reckless flailing assault on Luke on Crait. All of it made sense now.

Snoke might be gone, but Rey could not help but worry that the enduring effects of his lifelong presence in Ben Solo’s mind could only outlast his death. She could only imagine now how difficult it must still be for Kylo to let his guard down.

Rey knew what that felt like. And maybe that was why Kylo Ren felt like the only person she could truly understand. Truly trust to understand her.

If only he would understand how much she wanted him to reach out now. Take her in his arms and kiss her.

She sighed inwardly. Kylo’s hesitancy wasn’t the only obstacle in the way of that particularly pleasurable activity.

Another dark cloud on the immediate horizon was the inevitable reaction of her friends when they realised Kylo had come to Takodana with her. Because Rey had no intention of hiding him now. Anakin’s instructions made such subterfuge seem a little redundant. The fate of the galaxy depended on them. Her friends’ disapproval should not be allowed to become yet another stumbling block, considering the magnitude of the events that awaited them.

Rey set her teeth. She wouldn’t let that happen. Not now.

Rey was right when she sensed a lightness in Kylo that was similar to what she was feeling. Even the prospect of facing his mother again hadn’t the power to dampen his spirits at first. Everything had changed with his grandfather’s appearance. He was staying with Rey. Rey was staying with him.

But that excited feeling was beginning to sink now under the weight of what lay ahead. And by some aspects of Anakin Skywalker’s disclosures.

Kylo had known for almost a decade that he had a lot more in common with Darth Vader than any other member of his family. But he hadn’t realised just how similar some aspects of their lives had been. It had been shocking to hear that the same voice that had manipulated him had haunted his grandfather likewise through his helmet. It reminded him too uncomfortably of the horribly parasitic nature of Snoke’s lurking residency in his own mind.

And even though that should have made him feel even closer to Anakin Skywalker now, it didn’t. It made him feel a little sick. Nothing that he had been persuaded to believe, or wanted to believe, was true.

Kylo had the oddest feeling that he had been treading water for quite some time now. For so long that he had begun to tire and flounder. Unsure of the depths below, unsure of whether he should make for the shore or dare himself to swim out further. To somewhere unknown that he hadn’t imagined before. More than anything, he had wanted that decision to be his.

But when Rey had stood on her tiptoes to kiss him, Kylo Ren had felt suddenly as if he had stopped struggling and let his feet sink to the ground. It hadn’t been as deep or treacherous as he had thought. When he did choose which way he would go, he could walk there.

With Rey beside him he felt almost invincible. With Rey beside him it had been almost impossible to think about anything other than her as they sat quietly together for the past couple of minutes.

A little too quietly.

That quiet had lasted long enough for Kylo’s worries to begin to rise to the surface again. Perhaps the severity of their situation had dampened Rey’s desire to kiss him again. He braved the smallest peek in her direction to see a grave expression on her face.

She had changed her mind. Or else she wasn’t thinking about it at all, and now Kylo didn’t want to be the one to bring it up. He was too aware that he must already have appeared a little too desperate for her affections.

A movement caught his eye and he looked around again to see her sliding away from him out of the seat.

“Just going to see how far away we are,” she said.

He nodded bemusedly, watching her leave before getting up, suddenly restless. They must be close by now. To Takodana. Where the Resistance was. Where his mother was.

Kylo didn’t want to think about that. His mind was too full as it was, what with Anakin Skywalker’s appearance, the information he had imparted, and everything that was or wasn’t happening with Rey. But that unwillingness to think about it didn’t change the fact that this meeting with his mother was unavoidable. And Kylo, still churning with that awful guilt that had only been magnified by his dealings with Chewie, and to a lesser extent, Lando, could not imagine how he would deal with it.

Because it wasn’t just guilt that gnawed at him. There was anger in there too. He couldn’t forget those whispered conversations, those arguments he had overheard before his uncle had arrived to take him to the Jedi training academy. It didn’t matter how his mother had explained that this decision was in Ben Solo’s best interests.

He would _enjoy_ meeting other boys and girls just like him, she had said, tucking his head down onto her shoulder and kissing his anxious brow. He would make great friends. Wouldn’t he like that?

Ben Solo was not a baby anymore. He was ten years old. Too old to cry and tell his mother that he wouldn’t like that at all. Other children didn’t like Ben, and Ben didn’t like them. They thought he was stuck-up, and he thought they were stupid. The only people he loved were here. He didn’t want to go away. His mother knew him better than anyone. She _knew_ he didn’t want to go, and Ben could not understand why she was pretending she didn’t.

He had stayed still as she reminded him he loved his Uncle Luke. Why wouldn’t he want to spend more time with him? He could have a lightsaber like Uncle Luke’s. Learn how to control his rapidly escalating powers.

And that was when Ben had lost control. Struggling up to wrench himself out of her embrace. To stand trembling before her as the room trembled alike around them. And he saw the look in his mother’s eyes. Confirming what he had already known deep down. She wanted him gone because she was afraid of him.

And that was when Ben Solo decided he did want to go away with Uncle Luke. Uncle Luke didn’t look at him like this. Luke Skywalker was the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy. _He_ wasn’t afraid of him.

Until he was.

By the time Rey returned Kylo had stopped pacing and was standing indecisively in the middle of the room.

“We’re almost there,” she said.

He nodded, his mind on more pressing matters. “When we get there. To Takodana… They’re going to want to keep me imprisoned again, aren’t they?”

The tone of his voice left her in no doubt that this was not a situation he was prepared to accept.

“I don’t see why,” said Rey, even though she did.

Of course she did, but the Resistance did not know how everything had shifted so drastically since they had been on Kef-Bir. She would have to make sure they did. Rey frowned, trying to figure out the best way to word her argument. Because needing Kylo Ren close at hand for kissing purposes was highly unlikely to sway anyone to her way of thinking.

But it wasn’t at all pleasant to think of Kylo locked away from her. How many valid excuses could she find in a day for sneaking in to see him? Not enough, she realised, her stomach zinging tightly as she gazed up at those big soft lips that had become so shockingly addictive in such a short period of time.

“We’ll make them understand,” she said firmly. “Unless you _are_ planning on giving the First Order our location?”

“I do have some honour,” said Kylo with dignity. He saw her narrow her eyes at him, even though her lips smiled. “I wouldn’t,” he added quickly, in case his answer left her in any doubt.

He eyed her with nervous speculation, unsure of what to say next. It would sound a little crass to ask what the rules would be about kissing once they arrived, even if that was the question that occupied his mind most. If that was even something Rey wanted to do anymore.

“And us…?” was as far as he got.

Her smile faded a little under a pink blush. “I don’t know. I mean, I’m not sure we should tell anyone. It might confuse things.”

“Okay,” he said hollowly. He could see the validity of the point she made. But it could also serve as an easy way out for her to avoid any more of what they had been up to before Anakin Skywalker’s interference. Kylo’s stomach plummeted.

Just as Rey’s did when she saw him avoid her eye, his body suddenly rigid. She scrambled to clarify her reasoning.

“They might think I trust you for the wrong reasons. They don’t know you. It’ll take time for people to get used to you as… you. Not the Supreme Leader.”

“I _am_ the Supreme Leader,” said Kylo.

Rey frowned, feeling a little desperate. “We’re nearly there. At Takodana. We don’t have much time left.”

“You said,” said Kylo, hearing prison doors closing on him, with Rey on the outside.

Rey released an impatient and slightly despairing breath.

“Kylo! Do you _want_ to kiss me or not?”

His eyes shot up to hers and his heart thudded at the look he saw there.

“I do!” he said on a wave of relief and was rewarded with a relieved smile in return.

Rey was still smiling when her arms wound around his neck to pull him down. When his grateful hands rose to clasp her waist, bending her backwards to kiss her. And then as his kisses became more demanding all smiles were forgotten, her leg curling around the back of his to ground herself.

It was all lovely, if a little unmanageable. Rey slid her arm from his neck to wave it vaguely in the direction of the bunk in the alcove behind the lounge seat.

And then they were staggering backwards, he half-carrying, half-dragging her back to the bunk, where they could at last be on the same level. Kylo pulled himself up and hoisted her up with him to straddle his knees, so they could ignore the demands of regular breathing to kiss each other as eagerly and thoroughly as they could in the short time they had left.

This was different than before. Not soft, or tentative or unsure. This time they didn’t care if they were good, bad, or indifferent. Because there was no thought. There was only the burning need to feel the other’s lips against their own, the other’s body against their own. Alive like they had never been before. Achingly, unrestrainedly alive.

Rey shivered as his fingers spread through her hair to cup her head, and gripped his shoulders tighter, feeling the hardness of muscle under the soft fabric of his tunic. She knew what was under there all too well and her heart fluttered in heady anticipation. That big strong body was hers to enjoy and she revelled in it, kissing him with renewed vigour, running her hands down his chest, slipping them under his arms to wrap hers tightly around his back.

Kylo pulled her closer, urging her lips further apart. And then lost whatever reason he had left when he felt her tongue touch off his, the soft gust of her surprised gasp in his mouth. In his excitement to repeat the experience he lunged forward, and they came together again with a jarring clanking of teeth.

“Ow!” cried Rey, falling back, and Kylo, who had been prepared to ignore the mishap, stalled.

“I don’t think that was supposed to happen,” she said with a breathless giggle.

“Sorry,” muttered Kylo, rubbing her back agitatedly, desperate to return to their previous occupation.

He leaned in again and she closed her eyes, succumbing to the softness of those big pink lips, but it was too late. Rey had a moment to gather herself away from the intoxicating delights of kissing Kylo, and now her mind refused to stop thinking.

Kylo was not _trying_ to touch her in any… intimate way, but his hands were so big that when they splayed over her sides, his fingers had a tendency to touch off all sorts of places that made Rey jump inside. Although now she wasn’t quite as sure how unintentional those caresses were. Right now, his adventurous thumb was nudging ever closer to the underside of her breast as interestedly as his adventurous tongue explored her mouth.

This had to stop. And right now. Because Rey knew all of this lovely kissing was just the beginning. Of stuff. And she knew what the end would be. Theoretically at least.

“Ben!” she muttered into his lips. This appeared to have the opposite effect of what she had intended as it only served to provoke a little excited sound from him, and then he was kissing her more enthusiastically than ever. Hand sliding from her side to her front.

Rey squeaked, giddy with the sensation of his warm palm rolling up over her breast even through the confinement of her bindings. Her hands shot down to his sides and she propelled herself back as far as his arm would allow.

“Kylo!” she said louder and pulled her head back to look into dark eyes opening in dazed confusion. “Stop! Stop. We have to stop.”

He stared at her, arm around her slackening, other hand shooting down to his side. Rey's resolution almost crumbled.

Almost, but not quite.

“We can’t keep doing this,” she said shakily.

Kylo went still. “I thought you wanted to,” he said in a taut voice.

“I did! I do!” said Rey, trying to make sense of her thoughts. Not easy to do when he was looking so excitingly tousled and flushed such a short distance away. “It’s just not what I expected.”

“Oh,” said Kylo, his flush deepening in humiliation, his eyes dropping. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. It was an accident.”

But the teeth- clashing wasn’t what she had meant, and he knew it. He had gone too far. Kylo clenched the hand that had clutched at her into a tight punishing fist. Feeling his nails dig into that palm that had frightened Rey.

“No, no! That’s not what I meant. At all,” said Rey quickly, her hand flying up to touch his face. “It’s just it’s…” Now it was her turn to go red and now she was finding it hard to meet his eyes. Her hand dropped to rest on his shoulder.

“It’s not your fault. It’s mine too. It’s just it’s more… it’s more passionate than I thought it would be. I’m afraid we won’t stop.” She chewed her lip, not sure how to say what she meant. “And I’m not ready. For _that_.”

“For that,” echoed Kylo blankly and then his eyes widened, hand unclenching. “Oh. _Oh_.”

“Do you know what I mean?” whispered Rey with an inward cringe.

“Yes,” said Kylo slowly.

Because unbelievable as it seemed, it sounded a lot like Rey was talking about sex. With him. Which made it very difficult to concentrate. Particularly as she was seated on his lap. On a bunk. “At least I think I do. I wasn’t planning on doing anything. I mean I didn’t expect to do anything more than this.”

Although now that she’d mentioned it, anything more was now all he could think about. There was certainly a part of him that was very eager to find out what that would be like. Kylo shifted uncomfortably, heart thumping. Glad that Rey had not wriggled her way far enough up his lap to discover just how much. And he couldn’t help guiltily remembering his fleeting thoughts about this particular bunk.

“Okay,” nodded Rey and breathed out, determined to follow through on her own train of thought. “It’s just… I think it might be hard to stop. If we keep going.”

“I’d stop,” Kylo reassured her quickly. “I just did. I can stop. There’s no need to stop doing what we were doing.”

Rey had to smile at the contradiction in his words. “You don’t exactly have the best reputation for self-control.”

He didn’t smile back. “I would never do anything you didn’t want me to,” he said in a voice that sounded sulky even to his own ears. “Nothing like _that_.”

“No, I know,” she said, a little relieved to hear it all the same. “But it’s not just about you. It’s me I don’t trust.” She peeped up at him a little bashfully. “Kissing you is much too nice.”

Kylo’s stony look melted. “It is?”

“It is,” Rey confirmed. She saw him glance hopefully down at her mouth and tried desperately to stay on track. Sliding down onto the floor below to avoid any further temptation.

“We should probably go back to the cockpit. In case we overshoot our stop.”

Kylo agreed but found all sorts of reasons why he couldn’t follow her straight away. Thankfully, Rey didn’t seem to find anything strange in his sudden desire to pack up his bags and clear up the helmet debris in the sleeping quarters. And rinse out the fresher. Well, not too strange.

Rey merely shook her head at him with an indulgent smile.

“So _neat!_ ” she said, in an excitingly fond way before she disappeared down the access corridor.

Kylo did feel a little guilty that he didn’t do any of these things. (Apart from scooping the shards of helmet up into a maintenance bucket so they wouldn’t hurt Rey’s bare feet.) But he really did need a considerable length of time to allow the effects of Rey’s startling admission to subside. She had said that she wasn’t ready for more. But the thought that it had even crossed her mind was too astonishingly thrilling for words.

When he did join her, Kylo found out Rey had reached the cockpit just in time to guide the Falcon out of hyperspace and key in the coordinates for Maz Kanata’s castle.

And then, after the Millennium Falcon had landed with all of its usual array of elderly groans and clanks, the last few moments before the loading ramp descended were spent in a rather enjoyable flurry of activity.

Both of them assiduously trying to fit in as many last kisses as they possibly could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, our dyad is now on Takodana, which I am excited to write about! I know a lot of people love the idea of Naboo as an ideal setting for Rey and Kylo, but I’ve always wanted them to return to the place they first met. Mostly because Rey fell in love with it at first sight and nobody can convince me it wasn’t the exact same for Kylo when he saw Rey for the first time in the forest. 
> 
> And I had to include Anakin, because I'm still scratching my head over why he didn't appear in TROS. And I also had to include the fact that Kylo's eyes really remind me of Padme's.
> 
> I’ll be taking a break over the holidays (mostly due to lack of decent internet). But it’ll give me a chance to do some much-needed editing. The story will continue in the New Year with a few surprises (I hope, details later!) and the teensiest little bit of smuttiness as Rey is stirred into a more adventurous state of mind by her idyllic setting. Oh, and lots more semi-naked Kylo, because why not? 
> 
> Happy Holidays to anyone who is reading, which I still can’t really believe! It’s very humbling in the best way to get lovely kudos and comments after writing secretly in a void for almost a year. You’ve made the end of this pretty crappy year infinitely, infinitely nicer! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! 💖


	19. Takodana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey are reunited with an old acquaintance, Leia receives interesting information, and Rey learns about swimming amongst some other very interesting things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a lovely safe Christmas and a little bit of much-needed downtime! There's a similarly much-needed downtime from the main plot for Rey and Kylo in this chapter and the next, so they can get to know each other better! Be warned - there will be slight smuttiness in the latter end of the chapter!

Rey estimated it was close on noon when she and Kylo stepped down into the soft green grass on Takodana.

This was something that never failed to surprise Rey. These short leaps backwards and forwards between times. Sometimes feeling as if a day had been stolen from her. And other times, like this one, as if she were being given another opportunity to live her day differently.

Rey was glad there would be more to this day. Even though it already felt like it had been a very full day and not all of it pleasant. Not that she had any wish to live it differently. Because on the whole, she was rather pleased with how it had turned out.

But now, she couldn’t help but worry that all of that could change again.

Kylo was feeling similarly apprehensive. More and more so as they approached Maz Kanata’s castle. He had only visited it once, a long time ago, before that last time he had been here on the heels of the First Order.

He remembered it had once been an impressive towering ancient structure. It wasn’t anymore, but it wasn’t quite the pile of rubble his forces had reduced it to either. Maz was in the process of rebuilding. A lot of the original stone seemed to have been repurposed, but there were numerous heaps of broken stone and building materials still lying around waiting to be used.

In his concern about meeting his mother after so many years, he hadn’t even considered what Maz Kanata would make of his arrival. It had been over a year since the First Order had decimated her home. It hadn’t bothered him in the least then. But then he hadn’t expected to return as a guest so soon afterwards. Maz might be diminutive in size, but she had a very forceful personality and Kylo was not looking forward to this meeting in the least. The only bright side to any of this was that the Resistance hadn’t arrived yet. There hadn’t been a sign of their ships anywhere as the Falcon made its approach.

Maz was waiting with an armed contingent of guards on the entrance steps.

“Rey!” she shouted, moving forward, and waylaying her escort with a raised hand. She looked up at Kylo, adjusting her goggles. “And Ben Solo. I thought it was you.”

Kylo said nothing.

“Do you like what you’ve done to the place?”

“It was war,” said Kylo stiffly.

“And you were on the wrong side of it,” said Maz. “We’re still at war. Where do you stand now?”

Rey stepped forward before Kylo could respond. “We were told to come here. By Anakin Skywalker. He said you could help us. Will you?”

She held her breath as Maz considered them both thoughtfully. She seemed to make up her mind. 

“Come inside.” She nodded to her motley assortment of bodyguards. “Keep an eye on the big one. I’m not sure about him yet. His knees don’t give away much information. I’ll need to sit him down to take a closer look.”

Commander D’Acy exited the mid-ship elevator and made her way to General Organa’s stateroom suite with a troubled heart. Leia opened the door almost immediately, but long acquaintanceship with her superior told the commander that she had just awoken from one of her much too rare naps. She wished she didn’t have to add to the burden on Leia’s already overloaded shoulders.

“We’ve received a transmission from Takodana, General,” she said. “The Millennium Falcon has landed. Rey is with Maz Kanata now.”

Leia’s eyes sharpened, suddenly alert. “What is it you’re not telling me, Larma?”

“She’s not alone,” said Commander D’Acy. “Kylo Ren is with her.”

“I see,” said Leia. The commander watched her carefully, but if the general felt any surprise, she wasn’t showing it.

“Thank you, Larma. I’ll contact Maz. How much longer before we get there?”

“Our next stop’s Batuu. We can pick up supplies there before we make the last short jump to Takodana,” said Commander D’Acy.

Leia nodded, dismissing her before walking slowly to the circular table in the centre of the room and sinking into the comfortable lounge seat beside it. She rested her elbows on the table, staring blindly into the middle distance. Even if there was a part of her that had expected this, she was not prepared. She wasn’t sure how she _could_ prepare herself for what lay ahead. Her mother’s heart rejoiced at the thought of seeing her boy again, of finally having him before her, within the reach of her arms.

But so much had happened, there had been too much grief, too much blame and heartache in the long years since he had been her Ben, and she had no idea how to reconcile this for either of them.

The large dining hall in Maz’s castle looked very similar to what Rey remembered. Maz had explained that they had tried to reconstruct it as faithfully as possible while taking the opportunity to modernise the inconvenient kitchens and stairways. The fire pit in the centre of the room where meals had been cooked before was gone, situated now behind the bar, but the décor appeared much the same, down to the hanging lanterns and roughhewn stone walls. A new turbolift accessed the higher storeys, although Rey noticed the stairway to the cellar where Luke’s lightsaber had called to her seemed to have remained mostly intact.

Maz had listened to their story, focusing on them both with unnerving interest when they explained what they knew of the dyad. She nodded wisely when they asked about the place Anakin had told them about.

“I know of where he speaks,” she said. “I’ve been there. An ancient place, much older than this was. I salvaged what relics I found to keep them safe. When I first came to Takodana I did consider making it my hub of operations, but it is a place too haunted by the past.”

“Haunted by what past?” asked Rey, with a brief grateful smile at a serving droid who placed a fresh fruit platter on the scrubbed wooden table before her.

“Take your pick,” shrugged Maz. “A long, long time ago it was a Sith Temple and some time after that the Jedi made it theirs. It was common in those days to build over ancient Sith remains. To keep a lid on the darkness, if you will.”

She leaned in closer. “Some say a gateway to another world lies hidden deep beneath it.”

Rey’s brow wrinkled. “I don’t understand. What world?”

“A spiritual plane, where there are no barriers between past and present and future. All exist simultaneously.”

“I’ve heard of that,” said Kylo with suppressed eagerness. “A Netherworld of Unbeing. I read about it in one of Snoke’s books.” He looked at Rey. “Darth Sidious tried to enter it before. He thought it would give him dominion over space and time.”

Rey returned his look doubtfully and turned to Maz. “Is it an evil place?”

Maz shook her head. “If it even exists at all, I’m not sure such a place distinguishes between the Dark and the Light.” She smiled at Rey. “If Anakin Skywalker wants you to go there, he has his reasons. Wait and see what they are first, before worrying about something you cannot control. Concern yourself with what you can do.”

Her smile became a little sly. “I see you have the lightsaber, even after you said you’d never touch it again. I’m glad.”

“I wasn’t ready then,” said Rey. “I am now.”

“You are,” Maz agreed. “I can see that. You took my advice. The past is behind you now. You look ahead instead of clinging to what has gone before. Have you found the belonging you sought?”

Rey felt suddenly very conscious of Kylo beside her.

“I’m with the Resistance now,” she murmured quietly, her cheeks burning under Maz’s searching look.

Maz turned this gaze on Kylo. “And you? Do you remember what I said to you all that time ago?”

Rey swivelled to see Kylo stiffen in his seat.

“I was right, wasn’t I?” said Maz. “But your journey is far from over. You still have many more decisions to make. Choose your path wisely.”

Rey’s curiosity grew as Kylo stared at Maz; lost in whatever memory she had evoked. But for Maz at least, that conversation was over. She appeared more concerned with the logistics of the Resistance’s descent on Takodana.

The castle’s living quarters were not finished, and those that did exist were rudimentary at best, mostly serving to house the staff needed to run and refurbish the building. Although the dining hall and other facilities would be available during the day, the majority of the visitors would have to sleep in their transports and ships for the duration of their stay.

Rey reassured her it was already customary for the Resistance to sleep aboard their vessels, amid constant interruptions from various minions seeking instruction.

It wasn’t long before Maz had flitted off to oversee preparations for her guests, allowing Rey and Kylo to slip away and wander outside. Past the construction site and fallen trees and down towards the forest overlooking the freshwater lake.

It was warm in the midday sun, much hotter than Rey recalled it being before. But then she was still getting used to the concept of seasons and changeable climates. And this heat was so different to the dry dead heat of the Jakku desert they had left behind. Or the sultry humid heat of the jungles on Ajan Kloss. A cooling breeze drifted up from the shining lake, the canopy of trees overhead offering swaying dappled shade.

It was every bit as beautiful as she remembered, and Rey breathed in the fresh clean air with a little twinge of sadness she had no intention of sharing with her companion.

It was hard not to think of Han here. This was where he had bestowed his blaster on her, where he had made his gruff offer of a job on the Falcon. It was the first real feeling of acceptance Rey could remember. Tears misted her vision as she perched on a mossy tree stump to look out over the landscape. At the hills beyond the lake, more blue than green in the hazy shimmer rising from the water. At the half-built castle emerging from beyond the trees.

War had razed this place just over a year ago, but from this viewpoint, the scars it had left behind were barely visible under lush, verdant vegetation. Even the structure which had been devastated out of all recognition was already partially restored. Kylo sat down beside her and Rey blinked her tears away rapidly before he could see them.

“This was the first place we met,” she said quietly.

Kylo was silent. He didn’t want Rey to remember the first time they had met. When he had tried to get her to give up the location of Luke Skywalker by forcing his way into her mind.

Rey turned her head to look at him. Maybe it was a trick of the light, but the scar she had given him seemed fainter now, the marred skin a pale silvery pink. As if it too was touched by the invigorating effect of all of this wonderfully persistent nature. In this magical place it didn’t seem strange that even the deepest wounds could be healed. But Kylo’s brooding expression gave her pause. Looking out over this beautiful landscape didn’t appear to be having quite the same impact on him as it did on her.

“Kylo?” she said tentatively.

“I wish it had been different,” he said, not meeting her eye. “That _I’d_ been different.”

Rey could wish that too, but now at least she had an insight into why Kylo Ren had been the way he was then. She was ready to let the pain of that memory go. He should too.

“We can’t change the past,” she said, sliding her hand over his where it lay clenched on his knee. “But it doesn’t always have to hurt the way it did.”

He didn’t answer but turned his hand to clasp hers tightly. They sat in silence for a while, unspeaking, until Rey brought up the inevitable thought that was in both their minds.

“The Resistance arrives tonight.” She peeped around at him, seeing him look sombre. “We have today.”

Kylo nodded tensely.

“We’re here,” said Rey in a more heartening tone. “In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen. We don’t know what the future holds. Let’s make this a nice day.”

A glimmer of a pensive smile tucked in the corners of Kylo’s mouth. This smile grew under Rey’s encouraging beam. He stood up, suddenly determined to shake his glum mood.

“What would you like to do?”

Rey grinned, hopping off the tree stump. “Eat.”

That forced a laugh from him. “Is that it?”

“Nope,” said Rey. “Can you swim?”

“I can,” said Kylo with a curious frown. “Can you?”

Rey grimaced. “Not so much. I used the Force to stop myself drowning on Ahch-To if that counts.”

Kylo assured her it didn’t. And so the plan was decided. They would go back to the castle and stock up on as much food as Rey fancied before returning to the lake. Where Kylo would teach her how to swim without the need for any assistance from the Force.

They ran into difficulties almost immediately, before they had even completed their first task. Maz wasn’t at all happy that they had disappeared out from under the noses of her guard. Rey felt a little guilty as she watched the tiny pirate queen berate her towering makeshift soldiers.

But not enough to make her change her mind. They had no need of an escort. And Kylo did not need to be shadowed by a troop he could dispatch with ease if he so wished. Rey didn’t say that last part to Maz, but she did manage to convey the message that she would be more than capable of dealing with any problems that could arise herself.

She wasn’t quite sure if Maz was convinced by her arguments or some instinct of her own, but either way, the result was the same. Rey was exultant as she left the castle with Kylo, a heavy basket swinging under her arm.

The one thing Rey hadn’t considered in all her glee to have succeeded in her plans was the apparent dress code for swimming. Or lack thereof. She stared as Kylo divested himself of his tunic, dropping her eyes in confusion as he started to undo the fastenings of his trousers. He glanced up to see her flushed face and paused.

“Rey?” he said uncertainly.

Her eyes met his for a fleeting moment. “What are you doing?”

He was bewildered by her accusing tone. “Going swimming. I thought that’s what you wanted to do.” She stayed mute and he suddenly realised what was wrong. “Rey, you don’t swim in all your clothes.”

“I’m not doing it naked!” she responded with force and he laughed.

“Neither am I!” His voice became gentler. “I’m wearing underclothes.”

She still looked uncomfortable.

“But you can keep your clothes on if you want.”

Now Rey felt as if she’d been unreasonably silly and that embarrassed her even more.

Kylo saw her inner turmoil writ large upon her face.

“I won’t look,” he said and turned away to peel off his trousers.

Rey’s eyes lifted, curious despite herself to finally see the _stuff_ Kylo had been so anxious to insist he wore before he got into their little bed on Jakku. She should have known that black would be involved, but the rest would have been disappointingly banal if the tight black shorts didn’t hug him so interestingly. He straightened up, back still resolutely turned away from her.

Somehow, Kylo Ren disrobed looked even bigger than he did fully clothed, all of that creamy pale skin exposed over hulking muscles that shifted much too fascinatingly as he moved. Rey stared at those ridiculously wide shoulders, their pallor contrasting so beautifully with his black locks, and swallowed with difficulty, her mouth dry from breathing so deeply. This was the man she had been kissing on the Falcon.

“Do you want me to wait for you?”

“No, no, you go ahead,” she croaked.

She waited until he stood at the edge of the lake, before scrambling out of her short grey trousers and unwrapping her arms. She was keeping her vest on, she decided, no matter how childishly prudish it looked. Kylo’s head turned as she reached him, his eyes slipping involuntarily over her before he gathered himself and riveted them safely to hers. He looked as apprehensive as she did, but his voice was reassuring as he reached out to take her hand.

“It’s a little cold,” he warned her unnecessarily as the first gentle ripple shocked her into a squeak.

She stepped back involuntarily but Kylo’s hand held her steady.

“Do you not want to do this anymore?”

“I do.” Rey set her teeth as chilly water lapped over her ankles. “You go first. I need a few moments to adjust.”

Kylo saw she wasn’t going to change her mind and dropped her hand to wade in, sluicing water over his arms. He stopped when he was waist-high and turned to call back to her.

“It feels quite warm now.”

Rey stared at him, rooted to the spot. There was something familiar about this. Something she had known once. As if she had seen him turn, just like this. Standing in water, his bare skin warmed by the sun. She _had_ seen him like this, but Rey couldn’t think about that now. It wasn’t the same. Not exactly.

Rey shoved that memory back down where it belonged, too suddenly aware that she was standing half-naked on the shore, in full view of Kylo’s eyes.

Whether it was that thought or the rather appealing picture he presented that spurred Rey into action she wasn’t sure. But one or other, or possibly both, made her screw up her courage to plunge in, splashing breathlessly towards him. It was only when she reached him that she realised how reckless and impulsive her plan had been. For some reason this felt a lot different than being alone on the Falcon with him. This felt a lot more vulnerable. She was alone, mostly naked with a mostly naked Kylo Ren in the most romantic place she could imagine.

“Too cold?” asked Kylo.

“I’m okay,” Rey said through chattering teeth.

Kylo’s heart clenched at her brave tone. He wanted to take her in his arms to warm her up, but something was stopping him. Rey wasn’t quite meeting his eye and when she did her eyes were a little guarded. She shouldn’t be self-conscious about disrobing in front of him.

Or then again maybe she should, because he was finding it extremely difficult not to stare at her slim body shivering in the cool breeze.

The briefest glimpses Kylo had allowed himself showed him that Rey had (disappointingly) not removed her vest. But they had also exposed the rather endearing evidence that her lovely strong slim legs were as pearly pale as a shy new moon above the middle of her calves where her trousers had ended. As if they were not as accustomed to the sun as the rest of her.

Maybe nobody else has ever seen her legs like this, Kylo thought giddily and immediately slapped down the excitement that thought roused in him. He should be trying to put her at ease, not winding himself up into a state that she thankfully would not be aware of, hidden as his lower body was under the water. He should really get that under control before he attempted any sort of swimming lesson with her.

“You’ll warm up when you start moving around,” he assured her and moved away to jump up, swinging up his knees to plunge down. Immersing himself completely and inadvertently engulfing a squealing Rey under a tidal wave in the process. She knuckled her eyes, gasping in shock and opened them again to blink in a dazed stupor.

Kylo Ren was rising up out of the water, shaking his hair in a shower of glistening droplets. Rey watched mesmerised, as water streamed from his hair over his shoulders, broad chest heaving as he caught his breath.

His nose was too big, she told herself urgently, and with those glossy raven curls flattened by the water, his rounded ears stuck out quite a bit. Not attractive in the least. But she was lying to herself, and she knew it.

He was glorious, transcendently glorious, and to Rey’s dazzled eyes he outshone every natural wonder in this heavenly place.

Kylo ran his hands over his hair, plastering it back off his forehead. His eyes opened to catch Rey watching him and he was temporarily caught off guard. Staring back at wet eyelashes starry frames for large candid eyes. Shimmering green now, lit with sparkling lights from the water below. Kylo’s mission to douse his ardour under the cool water was immediately rendered a complete and utter failure.

_She really is beautiful, he thought with a jolt._

She always was, of course. But this Rey, with dewy droplets sparkling on sunblushed shoulders, adorably curved pink lips parted, white vest practically transparent… Kylo wrenched his eyes away, his stomach quaking in sudden excitement.

But he was too late. Rey’s eyes had followed the direction of his. She ducked hastily underwater, too numb with mortification to care about the shocking cold. It transpired even her doubly defensive combination of vest and chest bindings proved to be an insufficient shield while doused in water. An embarrassingly inadequate safeguard against Kylo’s interested eyes.

But as Rey watched him move discreetly away with a splashy backstroke as she shivered underwater, she realised how utterly hypocritical she was. She had been positively gawping at him. She was gawping at him right now. At those big strong arms cleaving through the water, that big powerful torso twisting from side to side with every stroke. She was ruining this precious time alone with Kylo by worrying too much about everything.

“I thought you were going to teach me how to swim?” she said and was rewarded with a nervous smile from Kylo as he flipped back onto his feet.

“It’s not difficult,” he said. “You just have to keep your body straight and your legs up.”

She nodded and he tried his very best not to think about the fact that in a few moments he would be holding that wonderfully supple body in his arms.

_Concentrate Kylo. She wants to learn how to swim. Not how to be pawed by you._

“Okay,” he said, holding out his arms under the water. “I’m going to support you so all you have to do is move your arms and legs until you’re ready.” Her gaze turned uneasy and he felt obliged to add; “I won’t let go.”

“You better not,” she said in a triumphant return to her usual self as she waded towards him.

But when she did launch herself forward, it was a little too low and fast for Kylo, who had to reach down quickly to pull her upwards. Rey emerged spluttering from under the water, and struggled against him for a moment, trying to reach the bottom with her feet.

“I’ve got you,” said Kylo, bending his knees and looping an arm around her waist to pull her against his chest. She stopped flailing and began to relax when he dipped his other under her arms to scoop her shoulders up.

“It’s harder to drown than it is to stay up,” she heard him say reassuringly overhead. “It’s about finding the right rhythm. Use your arms to keep your upper body afloat first and then move your legs.”

Rey felt weightless in his hold, brave enough now to dip her arms under the water and push out against it, boosting herself upwards. Kylo could feel her lifting away from his supporting arm as her legs began to kick back. Ungainly and uncoordinated at first, until they found a natural tempo with the movement of her arms. He loosened his hold on her waist and Rey sailed forward abruptly, before suddenly losing momentum. Her feet dropped and floundered in panic, desperate for a foothold.

Kylo stepped forward, his arm tightening around her as she reached around to clutch at him. He gathered her up, pulling her towards him. Rey frantically knotted her legs around his, climbing up his body. Her arms wrapping around his neck, legs slinging around his waist. Clinging to him breathlessly, the slick wet skin of his throat, smooth and cool from the water, pressed against her lips. His damp locks tangled in her fingers that had stolen up the back of his neck. His heart hammering against hers.

And Rey knew her own heart was thumping just as fast. But not from fright anymore.

A little tremor ran through him and she froze. Moving her head away from the crook of his neck as he slackened his hold, to run his hands down to rest just over the small of her back. Rey leaned back slightly to create a gap between their bodies, loosening her grip around his neck. Glancing up furtively, she was transfixed by the look in his dark eyes, wide and intense, reflecting the flickering shimmer of the water in their depths.

They weren’t completely dark brown, she discovered. There were flecked rings of tawny gold just inside the black lines of his irises. Of course there were. Just when she thought he couldn’t be any more beautiful, he was. Kylo’s bottom lip moved uncertainly as he stared at her and for a dizzying moment Rey thought he was going to kiss her.

He wanted to. He really wanted to. But Kylo was very, very aware that Rey was inches away from finding out just how much. He gripped her tighter to ensure she couldn’t slip down any further.

“You okay?” was all he said.

Rey was more than okay. She wasn’t cold anymore, the midday sun drying her skin above, Kylo’s body warming her below. Everything was almost perfect, and Rey was rapidly losing every qualm she had. The Resistance was arriving in a matter of hours. She didn’t know when she would have this chance again. To enjoy this godlike body, to kiss those lovely plump lips. If all he was going to do was just stand there, not kissing her, she would simply have to instigate the kissing herself.

Her legs clenched around him, propelling her upwards. She felt his chest heave as he leaned in to kiss her back and she clung tighter, amazed by how incredible it felt to feel his wet skin against hers. His soft lips parting hers, the tip of his tongue finding hers in a tingling moment with every kiss. He tasted of summer and sweet berries and Rey couldn’t get enough of him.

Kylo’s knees were beginning to give way under increasingly heady rushes of excitement. If Rey wanted to kiss him, he certainly wasn’t going to stop her, but he needed to get to dry land, and as soon as possible. It would be unforgiveable to dunk them both underwater at this very interesting juncture.

He waded back towards the shore, keeping Rey firmly in his arms until he lay her down on her back in the springy grass. Slithering his hips backwards, all too wretchedly aware that his shorts were not doing a very good job of concealing the more physical manifestation of his excitement from her.

But Rey was smiling into his eyes, her arms loosening her hold as her head sank back into the grass.

“I hope Maz hasn’t set any spies on us,” she said and dragged him forward to hover above her.

“I don’t care,” said Kylo honestly, suddenly much too enchanted by the sight of Rey beneath him to worry about anything else. Rey giggled and he couldn’t hold back anymore.

She quietened when he dipped his head to kiss her, her hands untangling from his neck to run down his back, pulling him closer. He lowered himself onto his elbows and then Rey felt the weight of his body pressing down on hers. A hard heat digging into the hollow of her hip. Which retreated almost immediately when a startled sound from Rey escaped into Kylo’s mouth.

_Oh!_

Rey’s stomach suddenly hollowed, thoughts scattering in giddy fright. In giddy _exhilaration_ , legs flying up instinctively to wrap around the backs of his. To bring her into contact again with that hard heat.

Kylo gasped involuntarily, head spinning as she wriggled to manoeuvre herself directly beneath him. And even though his brain couldn’t quite believe it, his body did, his kisses growing more fervent, his hand sliding under the arch of her back to bring her closer.

She _wanted_ this.

Rey’s breath left her in a hiss when his knees slid back, his body leaning heavier into her. Simultaneously unbearably thrilled and unbearably frustrated by that new, exciting sensation through their scanty damp clothing. This new and exciting part of Kylo she had only ever briefly allowed herself to imagine, before that imagining had been speedily slammed down.

She wasn’t imagining it now. She wasn’t letting herself, but her kisses had developed a fresh urgency. And she certainly wasn’t stopping that mindless demand from her body to find out more either.

So _close_ , yet never quite close enough.

And Kylo tried not to make a sound, tried not to do everything his body was desperately urging him to do. Particularly as Rey’s squirms beneath him became more enthusiastic, more persistent. It was all so incredible. _She_ was so incredible.

And willing.

And innocent.

He raised his head, rearing up on his hands and knees, tearing himself away from her kisses with a groan.

“What’s wrong?” Rey’s eyes popped open guiltily. “Are you hurt?”

“No!” he said rather pitifully. “Not exactly.”

“Oh,” she said, and then her eyes left his to look down his body to where it had pressed against her own.

Kylo flushed, knowing she could see exactly what he had obliquely referred to. Although it would be impossible to miss, threatening to stretch his wet shorts to ripping point. He was ashamed. And he was even more ashamed to be excited that Rey could see. That he liked that Rey could see.

Rey’s cheeks grew as pink as Kylo’s, her eyes wide as she glanced back up. And Kylo was even more excited to see she didn’t look disgusted. Or horrified. At all.

And now this excitement escalated as her hand rose tentatively between them, her eyes locked with his in a hesitant mute question. Kylo held his breath, elbows trembling, waiting, as her investigative fingers crept down, skimming over the thudding heart in his chest, the tensed muscles of his stomach. Over the sodden waistband of his shorts and then he released that breath in a shudder as those fingers crept out over the taut material. To run over that part of him that couldn’t keep secrets from her.

This wasn’t one of those shameful dreams that woke him up in a pool of frustrated sweat (or something worse) on the Steadfast. This was actually happening. Rey’s hand where nobody’s but his own had ever ventured. His whole body tensed, bracing himself as her fingers explored him through the damp fabric, cautiously testing his reactions.

Kylo wanted to look but felt he shouldn’t, keeping his eyes fastened to hers in captivated disbelief until they closed in an involuntary jolt of bliss. Because Rey’s touch was becoming more of a caress. More deliberate as she could sense what he craved. He lost himself in the sensation for a moment, before forcing his eyes open again to see this beautiful girl who was giving him so much pleasure. He shouldn’t have.

Because even in the midst of the dizzying gratification her inexpert strokes gave him, he couldn’t help but see her brows furrow over a wondering look and that look seared through him. Because he was watching Rey learn what effect all of these new interactions had on him. What they were doing could involve.

This wasn’t just kissing. Not anymore.

And even though he was technically as inexperienced as she was, he was beginning to realise that for all her bravado, Rey was a lot more naïve than he had assumed. _He_ was a lot more naïve than he had assumed.

And this _feeling_ , this incredible feeling was too much. Too much for Kylo who was suddenly afraid. Afraid that he was on the verge of losing control and flying apart. He didn’t trust this feeling. He didn’t trust himself. And Kylo could not hurt this beautiful, trusting girl. He couldn’t ruin this.

“Stop!” he heard himself say hoarsely.

“Is this not...?”

“No, no,” stammered Kylo, too aware of that war raging inside him. Simultaneously desperate for her to continue and terrified that he wouldn’t be able to contain himself for much longer. Much too terrified of the consequences for them both.

He reached down to take her hand and brought it back to settle it safely into the tufts of grass behind her, scrambling off her to collapse onto his stomach.

Rey squinted against a sudden flare of sun in her eyes, its warm caress on her limbs no substitute for the much more substantial solid warmth of Kylo’s body. Turning her head, she saw Kylo look away and felt her happiness dissolve, an uneasy emptiness caving her belly. She had been too carried away by her excitement, his excitement. Encouraged by his silence, by his rigid control. It had been too intoxicating, too tempting to touch what had been pressed against her, to know what his desire felt like.

How passive, how _tame_ he had been under her caresses. Like a wary, wounded animal, unsure of whether the touch of another was something that would bring relief or more pain. Apart from that one part of him, as responsive and eager as his ignited lightsaber had been in her fist.

Rey couldn’t quite believe what she had done. She couldn’t quite believe he had _let_ her. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to. Maybe she had done something wrong.

“Was that bad?” she whispered.

Kylo forced himself to look at her but quailed under her gaze. How was he supposed to answer that?

“No, no. Not bad,” he said quickly. “The opposite. It was too nice.”

“Too _nice?_ ” Relief surged through Rey. She hadn’t done something wrong. He had liked it! She turned to slip her arm over him, emboldened enough now to be a little more curious. “Is that why that happened?”

“I didn’t…” Kylo buried his burning face into a tuft of grass. “Nothing _happened.”_

_Although it had come terribly close._

“It’s supposed to be like that when you’re doing things like… what you were doing,” his muffled voice said from the depths of his grassy pillow.

“I know _that_ ,” said Rey, slightly insulted that he underestimated her worldly knowledge, limited as that was. But that part of Kylo had been hard before she had touched him. When they had been only kissing. And Rey was beginning to wonder if it had been like that when they had kissed on the Falcon. “Was it because of me?”

“What do _you_ think?” Kylo muttered, rendered rude with discomfiture as he resurfaced for air.

“I think it was,” she said gleefully, and her pride in his seduction was so adorable and humbling that Kylo’s touchy armour melted away.

How difficult could it be for a beautiful girl like her to arouse an inexperienced, disfigured, unlovable creature like him? How could she not know that? He was no prize for someone like her. But Rey didn’t seem to know that, and Kylo couldn’t bring himself to disillusion her.

“It was,” he said and leaned in to kiss her so she couldn’t look at him anymore.

“I knew it,” Rey whispered triumphantly into his lips.

And Kylo was all too willing to kiss her back. But this time he resolved to keep his hips firmly and safely planted into the earth below him. His body had been in receipt of quite enough excitement for one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reference to Maz’s prophecy to Kylo will be revisited later, as will Rey’s déjà vu moment about Kylo in the water. 
> 
> Also you got a taster of future love scenes in this chapter. I hope it didn’t disappoint. It’s not terribly graphic, because I really, really want to preserve the first-time innocence and wonder of these encounters as I imagine they would feel from Rey and Kylo’s emotionally inhibited and sexually stunted points of view. But there will be further elaborations on both Rey and mostly Kylo’s reactions to this new development in the next chapter. And an insight into why they are the absolute dorks they are. 
> 
> Unfortunately, the updates will be a little slower for a while. I’ll be flat hunting and moving house over the next few months so I won’t have as much time as I’d like to edit and write (which takes ages!). I’m still hoping to get at least one update a week up but I’m probably living in ridiculous denial about how I’ll find the time. Fingers crossed I find somewhere nice soon, so I can get back to the Reylo of it all ASAP.


	20. Planting Seeds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey’s friends receive unwelcome news, and Kylo and Rey conceal their private concerns about some unfamiliar aspects of their new alliance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this chapter mostly edited over Christmas, so I was able to land it early! 😁
> 
> The afternoon by the lake continues as Rey and Kylo muse separately about their qualms about the new developments in their relationship. And kiss a little bit more!

Rose and Kaydel met Poe and Finn at the door of General Organa’s suite on the Tantive IV.

“Anyone know what this is about?” said Finn.

“You don’t either?” asked Rose.

“No, but I guess we’ll find out,” said Poe, pressing the door panel for admission.

Leia was standing as they entered and waved them to sit, waiting until they had all scooched into the curved seat around the round table.

“I’ve sent a transmission to the other ships,” she started. “But you are Rey’s friends and I wanted you to hear this from me.” She saw their general look of consternation and raised a hand.

“No, it isn’t bad news. At least I hope not. She’s safe on Takodana.” She paused, waiting for them to recover from their shock before she dealt them another. “My son is there too.”

“What?” Poe glanced at Finn before looking back at Leia. “He said he was returning to the First Order. What’s changed?”

“We don’t know exactly what yet,” said Leia. “Maz said there’s something they have to do there. She didn’t want to say more over the subspace radio.”

Rose frowned. “And are you okay with that?”

“Don’t worry about me.” Leia smiled tightly at her. “I’m more concerned with the impact this will have on the Resistance. Nothing can be allowed to cause a division at this time. Rey needs our support. I don’t want anything to get in the way of that, no matter how strongly you might feel about the company she’s keeping.”

Poe digested this for a moment. This was a delicate situation, but there were questions that still needed to be asked.

“What about Kylo Ren? Will he submit to being held in custody?”

“I don’t know that. I do know he’s not in custody at the moment, but I won’t make any decisions until I’ve met him.” Maybe Leia could interpret the looks on the faces of her audience, because when she spoke again her voice was firm. “But my decision, when I do make one, will be final.”

“Understood,” said Kaydel and the others nodded.

“Be an example to everyone else,” said Leia. “Don’t make this a bigger problem than it has to be.”

The group was silent as they trooped out, although Rose could tell Finn was bursting with plenty to say. He managed to keep it in until they had reached the blockade runner’s dining room.

“He’s her son,” he said. “She’s not the person that should be making decisions about Kylo Ren.”

“Leia is the most level-headed person I know,” disagreed Poe loyally, remembering her words to him about Hux. She hadn’t let hatred or resentment rule her judgement then. She never did. “She’s always fair. Even when things get tough.”

“But he’s her _son!_ ” repeated Finn with vehemence.

“Her son who murdered her husband,” Kaydel reminded him. “If anything, I’d be more worried about Kylo Ren.”

Finn threw her a swift glance. “This isn’t a joke.”

“I wasn’t making a joke,” said Kaydel. “She’s more than capable of dealing with him, Supreme Leader or not.”

“This isn’t about Kylo Ren,” interpolated Rose. “It’s about Rey. That’s why we were called in. To support Rey, no matter what.”

“Of course we’ll support Rey,” Finn said quickly.

Rose shrugged. “If that’s the case, you may have to put up with Kylo Ren for a while. We all will.”

Finn heaved an irritated sigh. “Doesn’t mean I have to like the guy.”

Poe grimaced ruefully. “Who does?”

Rose was silent. That was not her secret to tell.

It was a nice day, Kylo thought. The nicest day he could remember if also the most unusually frustrating. The night ahead that he had been dreading seemed far, far away under the heat of the afternoon sun. He had been a very successful teacher, as evidenced by Rey cavorting splashily close to the shore. Kylo had taken a break, ostensibly to dry off, but actually to remove himself very necessarily from her immediate vicinity. Rey had been so pleased by her discovery earlier that she seemed to be finding all sorts of ways to tease his tormented body. To probe the extent of this intriguing new-found power over him.

Kylo, tortured and flattered in equal measures by so many accidentally-on-purpose brushings up against him, and ever-so-careless trailing fingers, wanted to tell Rey that arousing him to that state really wasn’t so difficult a task. But he settled instead for beating a hasty retreat to save whatever face he had left. His besieged body could only take so much of these unfamiliar attentions and Kylo was beginning to fear he would not be able to contain the rather volcanic eruption that was threatening to blow.

For someone who had been so worried about taking the next step in their fledgling relationship, Rey was severely testing the boundaries. Or at least so it felt to Kylo, who was doing his best not to encourage her too much in case she got frightened off again. He was every bit as curious as she was, if not more, and it definitely wasn’t easy to refrain from exploring her body as eagerly as she did his.

But something told him Rey still wasn’t ready for that. He knew it was enough to kiss her back, to hold her in his arms, to submit to her caresses. More than enough. Kylo knew how lucky he was, even if his body refused to stop hoping for more.

Although he was aware that he shouldn’t be congratulating himself too much on his gentlemanly impulses to stop Rey from pursuing her investigations. He had to accept that he had done so for reasons that were all his own. Not for the first time since he had met Rey, Kylo cursed his own inexperience in this particular field. Even if he wanted to respond to her overtures, he wasn’t exactly sure of what to do, and the thought of disappointing her made him sick with apprehension.

No, he knew what to do. He wasn’t stupid. But he was all too conscious that he didn’t know how to make sure she would enjoy it as much as he was sure he would.

It shocked Kylo that Rey was so surprisingly eager in every one of their electrifying encounters. Unbelievable as it seemed, she appeared to be as thrilled by his touch as he was by hers. It was a very unusual feeling to be the object of desire like this and he couldn’t help but be consumed with thinking about what could happen next.

Kylo had of course been curious before, but opportunities to explore the intricacies of the female form were as scarce for a young Padawan as they had been later for the fearsome Supreme Leader of the First Order.

Growing up in the shadow of famous, frequently absent parents, Ben Solo hadn’t been particularly confident in his ability to attract the attention of anyone on his own merit. Never mind that of the opposite sex. And sprouting too quickly from a reticent child into an awkward, gangling adolescent, he had been sullenly aware of unfavourable comparisons to his beautiful mother and dashingly handsome father.

And now Rey, who was strong and clever, and to his increasingly infatuated eyes, more lovely with each passing moment, was showing an interest that frightened him almost as much as it excited him.

Nobody had ever looked at Ben Solo like Rey did now, and he couldn’t help but wonder what his life could have been like if someone had.

Luke had not been as short-sighted as previous Jedi masters had been. He had not considered affection or romantic love to be concepts that should be resolutely set aside if one were to embrace the life of a Jedi. But he had warned against acting on impulses of youthful desire. His young apprentices could be all too easily distracted from their training, hindering them in their quest to become truly selfless.

Ben Solo had been pretty sure that their master’s sage advice was ignored by some of his padawans. Although sadly he, himself, had no practical evidence of that. He consoled himself at the time with the thought that this was likely due to having the revered Luke Skywalker as his uncle. Even though he had been miserably aware that his formidably increasing power, gawky frame, and reserved disposition didn’t help matters.

There had only been one occasion when the prospect of finding out a little more had even been the vaguest possibility.

The subject of kissing had come up as he sat by the fire with Tai and Hennix and Voe. Ben had remained silent, not willing to let slip any clues that he had no personal knowledge of what they spoke of. But his silence had been more speaking than anything he could have said. And Ben Solo had not liked the teasing that followed. It had become even more uncomfortable when Tai had jokingly suggested that Voe take pity on him and give him a kiss.

Voe had looked at him then and there had been a speculative, narrowed look in her eyes that made Ben drop his.

He had quite liked Voe. But not in the way he liked Rey. Ben Solo had never liked anyone the way he liked Rey. But he _had_ been somewhat intrigued about the ways in which Voe’s body was different to his, or Tai’s, or even possibly Hennix’s. (Although he had never been quite so curious about what lay under the Quarren’s robes.)

But Voe had always been competitive. Particularly with him. Resentful of Ben’s legacy and instinctive talent for combat and channelling the Force. Ben had been struck by the worrying feeling that Voe would try to beat him at kissing as ruthlessly as she tried to beat him at everything else. And this particular contest was not one he was sure he could win. Nor did he want Voe to gloat triumphantly about any glaring inadequacies she would uncover about his skills in this matter to Tai or Hennix.

Any brief excitement that had flared in Ben Solo as a result of that speculative look had been quenched almost immediately.

The fact that he had another presence lurking in the back of his mind had served as a dampener to any of those sorts of thoughts anyway. He had grown used to extinguishing any feelings of _that_ nature as quickly as possible for fear of their being detected by Snoke. Because much as Snoke had stoked up his young apprentice’s passions; that particular type of passion hadn’t been encouraged by this master either. There lay a path that led to dependency and weakness. Kylo Ren was above all that.

Kylo watched Rey as she experimented with her swimming techniques with an excessive amount of splashing before she was completely submerged underwater. He sat up, about to rush valiantly to her rescue when her head popped up over the surface. She spluttered and shook water out of her eyes, throwing a radiant smile in his direction.

“I’m okay!” she shouted, and he smiled back, suddenly grateful that he hadn’t availed of the chance to rid himself of his stupid lack of experience with Voe. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to kiss someone who wasn’t Rey, much less do anything more… intimate. He didn’t want to.

Maybe he never really had. As if he had somehow known to wait for Rey, out there somewhere, growing up so she could become perfect for him at the perfect time.

It was worth it. She was worth waiting for. As convenient as it would be now to have gained some sort of knowledge about how to please a woman, Kylo could only be glad he hadn't taken that opportunity when it had been presented to him. 

Kylo didn’t like remembering that embarrassing occurrence that had happened soon after he had become Master of the Knights of Ren. When he and the Knights had followed Ushar into a grubby little cantina he knew on Savareen. He hadn’t particularly wanted to celebrate their victory in retrieving a Sith relic even then. But the Knights had insisted on toasting their new Master with tumblers of the brandy the planet was famous for.

Kylo had sipped his drink, a little apart from the others as they removed their masks to stand drinking around the bar in an intimidating huddle. The fiery liquid had been soothing to his jangled nerves, still jittery from slaughtering the guards who had kept the artefact hidden. As well as helping a little to fight down waves of nervous nausea that still persisted in haunting him after completing missions like these. Not because the act of killing others sickened him. More because he was shocked by the savage pleasure he increasingly found in executing that hitherto unthinkable act.

A group of women had gathered around the Knights, asking coquettish questions about their bloodstained clothing. Responding to the advances of the men with shrill little yelps and slaps that descended quickly into playful stroking of the Knights’ muscled arms. Kylo had been dragged forward by Ap’lek and introduced to them as the Knights’ leader, and they had given him measuring looks, marvelling at his youthful appearance, and teasing him about his taciturn manner.

“I think we should stay a bit, Master,” Ap’lek had said with a wink. “These ladies would like to show their gratitude that we’ve rid the planet of a bunch of unsavoury types. It would be inconsiderate of us not to allow them the pleasure.”

Kylo’s roiling stomach had pitched a little more.

“Snoke will be waiting…” he had started to say before being interrupted by Vicrul. 

“What’s one hour?” he had said, clamping an arm around a giggling red-haired woman and disappearing into the crowd.

Kylo had stared after him, as angered by this careless flouting of his authority as he was uncomfortable with the situation he found himself in. The Knights’ ideology that they take what they want and do what they want without remorse to disturb their consciences had been incredibly appealing to a young Ben Solo, as riddled as he was with guilt and insecurity.

But now it transpired that this credo also applied to this unfamiliar aspect of life, and Kylo had felt horribly underqualified to raise any more objections. Particularly when Cardo had thrust a dark-haired young woman forward to look up into his face with a coy fluttering of eyelashes.

“And how can I thank you?” she had said, running her eyes over his leather clad frame, and Kylo had been uncomfortably aware of sweat still drying underneath his clothes, bonding them stickily to his body.

He had tried not to shrink as her bold gaze rose to his face, to his beak of a nose and his big ears poking out from sweat-soaked straggling locks. He had tried not to imagine how she would laugh in disbelief at his rawness and lack of finesse if he followed her to some dingy room where she would let him undress her. How she would mock him in contemptuous derision if that neglected part of him that now felt as if it too were shrinking would not be able to stiffen enough to do what it was supposed to do.

His fists had clenched, his head rising to look over her with cold hauteur.

“I have no need for thanks,” he had said brusquely.

No attempts the knights made to persuade him had changed his mind and eventually they had shrugged and moved away, leaving him alone.

The Knights never attempted to involve him in any further adventures of this nature, tolerantly considering his dedication to the Shadow the reason for this strange monkish abstinence. Kylo had been more thankful for that than sorry.

He was different to the Knights of Ren. He was their Master. He did not have to bow to animal urges like those untrained savages did.

Kylo’s memories fled, gladly chased away by the sight before him. Rey, rising from the lake, all her former bashfulness apparently forgotten as she wrung water in glittering streams from her hair. The cold water accentuating certain parts of her anatomy that he had tried so hard not to stare at before. She walked towards him, wet white underclothes clinging to her lithe curves, revealing interestingly dark shadows. Leaving very little to his already overactive imagination.

Kylo suppressed a whimper of despair. Rey was unwittingly teaching him a lot more about self-restraint than Luke’s Jedi Academy ever had.

“Hungry?” she asked, planting herself down beside him.

Kylo nodded mutely, reaching gratefully for the basket to stop himself gaping at her. Rey bit into a red fruit with relish, before grimacing and spitting it out.

“Yeuch!”

Kylo hid a smile. “I don’t think you’re supposed to eat the skin. You have to take it off first.” He took it from her. “Like this.”

Rey watched him prepare it for her, his big fingers surprisingly deft as they peeled away the rind, before looking back up at his focused frown. He looked terribly sweet, his black locks clinging damply to the sides of his neck, nose and cheekbones turning forebodingly pink.

“I wish this day could go on and on,” she said.

He glanced up to see her looking a little pensive. “You do?”

Rey snuggled into him. “No war. No First Order. No Resistance. Do you think someday this will all be over, and we can have days like this again?”

Kylo’s heart swelled in a burst of something bittersweet. He wrapped his arm around her, half-peeled fruit forgotten.

“I hope so.”

And as he looked over her head to the shining lake beyond, he realised why all of this had felt strangely familiar. _There will be days like this. We will have a home here, he wanted to say._ But he couldn’t because then he’d have to tell her that this was also the place he would die by her hand.

He felt her move and looked down to see her smiling up at him.

“Do you want me to finish that, or would you prefer I starve?”

Kylo made an attempt to shake himself out of his mood.

“Greedy,” he said and finished peeling the fruit. He scooped out the seeds in the middle before handing it to Rey, tossing them onto the ground beside them and wiping his sticky palm in the grass. No, that wasn’t a vision of the future. It was Palpatine’s manipulation, he told himself. An attempt to make him doubt her.

“What are you thinking about?” Rey’s voice broke through his reverie.

Kylo looked down at her, his heart warming. Only Rey, who had always been so ridiculously intrusive would ask him such a question. He wasn’t going to answer her exactly truthfully, but it was nice that she wanted to know. That she wasn’t afraid of what she might hear. Although perhaps she should be.

“You,” he said. That wasn’t much of a lie. He had been thinking about Rey pretty much non-stop for days.

“Oh,” she said and curled her arm around his neck to bestow a kiss on him. Kylo noticed a mark on her upper arm and traced his fingers over it. He knew this scar. He’d seen her receive it.

“You can fix this, you know,” he said.

She followed his eyes to the looped burn marks. “I know.”

He looked at her curiously. “Why haven’t you?”

“I don’t know.”

Rey didn’t want to say she hadn’t even been able to bring herself to look at it since it had been branded into her skin. That it had become an unthinking ritual to conceal it under a leather strap so nobody could ask her about it. So she wouldn’t have to keep reliving the disappointment of that day.

She looked at Kylo’s own scars, the long line from his chest to his cheek, the round mark on his shoulder, the wider wound under his ribs.

“Why haven’t you?”

“Force healing is not a Dark Side skill,” he said shortly. “It can be done, but there are… repercussions.”

He saw Rey absorb this and was glad she didn’t feel the need to question him further, her thoughtful fingertips smoothing the puckered skin on his collarbone.

“These look a lot better now,” she said softly. “Have you noticed?”

He hadn’t. Kylo looked now at the most visible mark to him, the scar Chewie’s bowcaster had dealt. It did seem smaller, paler, but he wasn’t accustomed to seeing his skin under blindingly bright natural light. He frowned, turning his arm over. The underside was still as pale as blue Bantha milk, but the rest had turned a light pinkish brown. Now that he thought about it, the skin on his shoulders felt strangely taut.

His fingers rose to touch his nose experimentally. “Am I burning?”

“You are,” giggled Rey. She surveyed him critically. “Pink looks pretty on you.”

“Pretty?” said Kylo, simultaneously pleased and repulsed.

“Pretty,” she affirmed, swinging her arms around his neck to kiss the warm skin on the bridge of his nose, his cheekbones.

She drew his head down and Kylo clenched his eyes shut as he felt her cool lips against the heat of his brow. Moving to that dead skin above his eyebrow. That burned under her lips.

The tenderness of this small gesture tore at his heart and his arms shot up to hug her, his head diving into the safety of her shoulder. For a terrible moment he felt as if he were about to cry. Even now, he had to shift his posture a couple of times to disguise ominous swells in his chest. Rey was stirring up too many emotions, none of which he was ready to deal with.

Rey stroked Kylo’s back, confused. This hug was different, and she wasn’t sure why. Something about the energy surrounding it felt urgent, but not the same kind of urgency that had imbued their kisses earlier. There was a sort of desperation to this, like there had been after she had seen into his mind on the Falcon. And although she responded readily to the intensity of his embrace, it wasn’t in the way she had done an hour before.

A mere few moments ago she would have assumed that any time she would be this close to Kylo, it would build inevitably into that new mounting excitement she felt deep in her stomach. This time it didn’t. She should be glad of that. As interesting as it had been to discover all of the hidden delights of Kylo Ren, she was very conscious that she wasn’t exactly prepared for whatever the next step would be in these novel adventures.

Rey had more than a vague idea of what that could entail. Even though her knowledge mostly consisted of half-remembered disjointed details she had gleaned from some of the more ribald tales told by visiting storytellers on Jakku. Combined with the not very veiled nuances in her female friends’ conversation on Ajan Kloss. And some rather flowery romantic holobooks she had borrowed from Kaydel.

Rey had always considered anything she had understood beyond the act of kissing to be ridiculous, slightly terrifying, even gross. But placing Kylo Ren in amongst all of those rather confusing pieces of scanty information didn’t seem ridiculous in the least. And definitely not gross.

But it was somehow now more than slightly terrifying, even though her whole body felt like it burned from an indistinguishable somewhere deep inside her, sparking from her skin when he touched it. But to be so intimately close with someone else, even if that someone was as ludicrously desirable as Kylo was a terrifying thought.

And a much more practical and cowardly concern couldn’t help but cross Rey’s mind, try as she might to ignore it.

What if it hurt? Surely it had to. As exciting as it had been to finally gain very specific knowledge of what made men very different to women, it had also been more than a little worrying. Kylo Ren's formidably large proportions had turned out to be consistent in all parts of his body. Perhaps, she thought secretly, she had discovered a more physical symptom of the monster Kylo Ren had been referring to when he gazed so soulfully into her eyes by the sea on Ahch-To.

Because if what Rey understood to be the act of love was correct, it didn’t seem as if it could be altogether possible.

Logistically.

A muffled sigh into her shoulder brought her back to the present. She didn’t need to worry about that now. They had only just started to kiss each other properly today. Who knew what lay ahead? It wasn’t as if they were getting married and she _had_ to do it. And even if by some miracle it did happen, a long way into the distance, in an alternate reality where any of this could be possible, surely Kylo would know what to do. Maybe because they were a dyad, she would know what to do then too.

That reminded Rey of something. She pulled back a little and Kylo’s hold relaxed around her, his head lifting so she could look into his eyes. He seemed calmer now and she was glad of it. Because she should have brought this up ages ago.

“When I spoke to Palpatine, he said something. Because of everything else, I forgot about it until now,” she said. He didn’t reply, but she felt his arms tense. “He said we had fulfilled the dyad. That what we were brought together to do was bring him back. Do you think that? That the dyad is over?”

Kylo considered her words for a moment. “I don’t think so. I doubt Luke would have encouraged us to work together to bring Palpatine back.”

“I thought that too,” said Rey. “It’s just we haven’t had a Force connection since then. Although we’ve been together so that makes sense. Do you feel as if anything’s changed?”

“Yes,” answered Kylo honestly. “Everything’s changed.” He stroked her back meaningfully.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” said Rey, through a smile.

“Do you feel as if anything’s changed?” he asked.

“No, I don’t think so. Apart from all the kissing and stuff, obviously.” Rey shook her head. “I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see.”

Kylo nodded abstractedly and she realised he was paying more attention to her lips than the words that came from them. He was thinking about kissing and stuff and now so was she. Rey tilted up her chin to receive his kiss, letting that lovely warm feeling envelop her as their lips pressed together for a long moment. She clutched him tighter, parting her lips for him and the breathless pursuit for deeper and deeper kisses began in earnest.

Rey’s singing heart joined the chorus of the birds overhead.

They were getting really, really good at this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tai, Hennix and Voe are characters that attended Luke’s Jedi academy from Charles Soule’s The Rise of Kylo Ren series of comics. 
> 
> I hope this chapter sheds some light into why Kylo and Rey are so dorky and unprepared for all things physical when it comes to their relationship! There will be more elaboration on this in later chapters. 
> 
> The plot will kick back in during the next chapter when the Resistance complicates matters by arriving on Takodana. 
> 
> Thank you so much again for the kudos and comments! I appreciate them like you wouldn't believe! 💖 Happy New Year!


	21. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia is confronted by ghosts from past and present, Rey has some explaining to do, and Kylo unwittingly shares his turmoil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Complicated and emotional times ahead for Rey and Kylo as their day in the sun finally comes to an end.

Even the most perfect of days doesn’t last forever. The Resistance began to arrive as the sun was setting, ships flashing one by one into the blue above fiery coral clouds. Rey watched them in silence, her hand snaking into Kylo’s.

“It’ll be okay,” she whispered, uncertain of who exactly she needed to reassure most.

“She’s here,” said Kylo, his grip tightening.

Rey gave him a cautious look. He was expressionless, but she could see tension in the flicker under his eye.

“She never gave up hope,” she said quietly. “Even when I wasn’t sure. She always wanted you to come home. To turn back to the Light.”

“The Light!” The words burst from him. He let go of her hand. Rey sat up straighter, fixing him with a concerned gaze.

Kylo glanced at her briefly before he looked away, a bitter smile on his face. “You think it’s that simple?”

“Ben?”

“Don’t _call_ me that,” said Kylo in a suppressed tone.

Rey sat very still, feeling her heart thump heavier in her chest. Kylo had never objected to her calling him Ben before. In fact, (and here her thoughts slid back to his kisses intensifying in the guest bunk on the Falcon) he had seemed to _like_ it. But maybe he only liked it when it was just the two of them. Not when people from his past were so close. People who had known him as Ben.

Kylo looked around at her, remorse nipping at his conscience as he saw her lips set in a tight anxious line.

“I’m sorry. I’m not angry.” He reached for her hand to take it again, his other hand sliding over it when it didn’t move to clasp his. “But that’s not who I am. I know it’s what you want. I know it would make you feel better about all of this.”

A frown twitched Rey’s brows together. His eyes were a little guarded now, his voice strained. Her drying vest felt colder, damper against her skin. And even though Kylo’s hands were warm around hers she couldn’t suppress a shiver.

He felt her pull away and clutched her hand tighter.

“I can’t be who you want me to be. I’ve always been torn between the Dark and the Light. I don’t know who Ben Solo is.”

Rey didn’t like that. It sounded much too close to what Palpatine had told her. To what too many people had convinced him was true. But now she could see what prompted Kylo’s change in mood. It wasn’t anger. It was panic. 

Snoke and Palpatine had forced him into becoming something they wanted him to be. Something he had never fully accepted. And now she was uncomfortably aware that she was trying to do the same. To make Ben Solo become who she needed him to be.

No, she thought, stubbornness batting down her own rise of guilty panic. It wasn’t the same. She wasn’t Palpatine. Or Snoke. She cared about him. She _wanted_ to know who Ben Solo was.

“Find out.” Rey’s voice was steady. “Snoke is gone. You can be whoever you want to be.”

Kylo looked at her for a long moment. And now relief strengthened Rey’s conviction. Because that guarded look was falling from his eyes.

A tremor shook his lips apart. “I can’t do this. I can’t meet her.”

“Yes, you can.” Rey slipped her hand free of his and reached up to draw his head down. She kissed him firmly and moved back slightly to bump her forehead off his. “You can.”

Kylo released a breath, his hand rising to slide through her hair to keep her head pressed against his.

“Why can’t it stay like this?” he said. “Just one more day.”

“If we do this right, there will be more,” said Rey fiercely, squashing down her earlier doubts. Life had been too unfair to both of them already. “I know it.”

Kylo closed his eyes and kissed her. He wanted to believe her. He would even take the vision he had of this place if it meant more days like this.

But everything seemed to be suddenly closing in on him and he had begun to feel desperate. Desperate to escape his mother. Desperate to keep Rey away from the influence of her friends.

Everything would change when it wasn’t just the two of them, he knew it. She would be separated from him, realise that she shouldn’t have let him kiss her and hold her. And with Palpatine looming on the horizon anything could happen. They might never live to see another day like this. This idyllic day that had been too good to be true.

And shamefully what was now uppermost in his racing mind was a regret that he had put a stop to Rey’s willing advances. He could have let her continue. He could have made her his. His first and last. The thought of never having the chance to do that made Kylo sick with misery.

But Rey was letting him go, turning to pick up her discarded clothing. Standing up to shrug her grey trousers over those little white pants. Covering up those excitingly rounded curves. And all Kylo could think now was that he might never discover just what they would feel like cupped in his hands.

The burning sun disappeared behind the clouds and a cool breeze rustled through the trees, raising goosebumps on his overheated skin.

He shivered, reaching for his black tunic. The idyll was over.

Leia sat a little apart from the rest of the company, watching the bustle around her. Han had been here with her, just over a year ago. She could see him as clearly as if he stood right in front of her. His eyes wary and a little rueful, waiting patiently for her to chide him. Her gorgeous rogue that she had never fully tamed. It was what had exasperated her the most about him. But if she was honest, (and Leia had been more honest with herself over the past year than she had ever been) it was also why she loved him as much as she had.

Han might have disappointed her, infuriated her even, but he had always come back. He had never stopped loving her. But Leia was now sure that her strength, the strength she had needed to keep forging ahead, had always been an obstacle between them. He had admired it, she knew that, but it had kept him at a distance. Han had never felt quite worthy of her.

Leia wondered what it could have been like if the galaxy hadn’t been the way it was. If her family hadn’t been who they were. If life hadn’t dealt her the cards it had. It was impossible to know, she would have been a completely different person. She might never even have met her dangerous Corellian smuggler with his heart of gold.

But something told Leia she would have always been driven. It was the curse of the Skywalkers to devote their lives to a higher purpose to the detriment of their personal lives.

She had wanted something different for their son. Her beautiful little boy with his soft black curls and big brown eyes. He deserved better. Better parents than they had been.

Not that they hadn’t loved him. Leia couldn’t imagine loving anything more. How could she not? Who could not love Ben, that chubby, naughty, affectionate little toddler?

And he had been every bit as adorable when he grew out of that stage to become a delightful blend of them both. Han had sighed as little Ben had imperiously commanded sundry house droids and his mother’s indulgently amused staff to do his bidding. And she, in turn, had rolled her eyes when she discovered he had yet again sneaked aboard the Falcon to play Kessel Run with his loyal Wookiee co-pilot.

But Ben had always had an inclination for quiet solitude, a trait she suspected neither she nor Han had ever shared. Spending hours poring over texts Uncle Luke had gathered for him from around the galaxy, of heroes and legends and myths. Leia could still see his little brow furrowed in concentration, tongue clenched between his teeth and plump rosy bottom lip as he laboriously transcribed them in his neat childish fist. Sketching intricate elaborate little scenes from these tales of valour and sacrifice. 

It was even possible that her love had grown as he had, sprouting up to tower over her. His soft face becoming angular and lean, his dear snuggly little body suddenly all sharp angles and hunched shoulders.

Love hadn’t been enough. Not a love as anxious and fearful as hers had become. Han had hoped he’d grow out of those black moods, but Leia had known where she and Luke had come from. And Ben could not be allowed go down that Dark path.

She had made the wrong choice. She should have kept him with her. She should have made more time to understand that troubled boy whose sunny temper had all but disappeared under a darkness that frightened her. She should have protected Ben, not the Republic.

Leia had only caught a distant glimpse of Kylo Ren on Crait, but she had felt his presence. Familiar, yet strange. More conflicted than ever, a frightened angry ghost of the sweet son she had once held safe in her arms.

When he entered the dining hall, Leia knew him immediately. Lando had said he wasn’t a boy anymore and he wasn’t, but for all the differences she would have known her son anywhere. He was as tall as she remembered, but broader, his wide shoulders filled out, his shuffling gait now a rangy stride. His face had lost the awkwardness of youth, no longer looking as if some features had grown at a more accelerated rate than the rest of them. Ben Solo was as handsome as his early years had promised, those striking features softened by warm glowing skin, luxuriant tousled curls, and an apprehensive expression.

Leia’s heart broke as she met his eyes. Her boy had become a man without her. And yet she could see herself in there. And Han. As if someone had combined aspects of them together and then exaggerated them all with lavish enthusiasm to create this giant, splendid version of them both.

It was only when she saw him glance down that she noticed Rey by his side, looking as if she was ready to take on the might of the entire Final Order.

Darling Rey, that odd, lonely wild creature she had so readily taken under her wing and into her heart. Darling Rey, who had let her son into her own fierce little heart. He would need that fierceness, but not now. Ben didn’t need Rey here to protect him. Not from his mother.

Leia stood up as they approached, very aware of the sudden hush falling over the busy room.

“Ben,” she said.

Kylo’s chin trembled, and she could feel his pain reaching out to her, wrapping around her as desperately as it had when he was a little boy. Her response then had been to pick him up and hug him tight. Smother that darkness with her love until it receded back into the shadows. If only it could be that simple now.

“Mom,” he whispered.

She smiled shakily. “Not here.”

Leia took his resistless hand and felt it quiver in hers. She squeezed it firmly before letting go.

“I saw the Falcon outside. Let’s go there.”

She heard a little sound from Rey and turned to see tears had drowned all of that dogged determination. Rey, who had no parents to love her, was crying for her son. Leia pulled her into a hug.

“It’ll be okay,” she whispered into her ear and felt Rey gulp, her head nod before releasing her.

Rey stood back to watch them leave, through a crowd that melted away until the door slid shut behind them with an echoing thud that seemed to jolt the room back to life.

Finn sprang out of his seat to make his way to Rey’s side. Whatever thoughts had been running through his head disappeared when he saw her face turn towards him, her eyes blind with tears.

“Finn!” she said thankfully, and he put his arms around her. She sank into his embrace, hugging him back, feeling that strange stilted atmosphere that had grown between them begin to melt away.

He moved back to give her upper arms a reassuring rub before letting her go.

“You don’t have to worry. Chewie’s outside with an armed escort. Leia will be quite safe.”

Rey wiped her eyes with the heels of her hands to stare at him.

“He wouldn’t hurt her.”

Finn frowned. “You can’t be sure of that.”

And now the remainder of that glow from Rey’s afternoon in the sun began to fade. She couldn’t answer him, feeling too strange about her secret to object. It was too jarring, coming from Kylo’s warm kisses to this stark reminder of how everyone else in this room felt about him. How they would feel about her if they knew.

“We’re all here,” said Finn. “Do you want to come over?”

Rey hesitated, about to say that she needed some time alone. But as a wave caught her eye, she saw Rose standing up to smile at her and was surprised by her own sudden change of heart. She didn’t want to be alone. She didn’t want to imagine what was happening right now on the Millennium Falcon. She needed distraction. 

And it _was_ distracting at first, hearing all about the arrival of Hux, the evacuation of the camp and Leia’s plan to reroute the Outer Rim planets’ delegations to Takodana instead. When it came time for Rey to tell her story she was ready, even if she wasn’t overly truthful about all of the details surrounding the events she described.

The red-clad troopers were news to her friends also, but speculation about their origins was cut short by Rey’s reveal about Palpatine. A quiet descended over the group as she now had to explain some of what she had seen on the Death Star. How it all fitted together.

She was even more hesitant when telling them about Anakin’s message to find the hidden place on Takodana. About what he had told them about her, how it had tied in with the memory that had awoken on Jakku.

It was difficult to edit these accounts down to exclude the emotions that had been involved or the growing intimacy between her and Kylo. The latter had been so intrinsically intertwined with all of it.

But Kylo’s part in her stories didn’t deserve to be dismissed or limited to the role of a bystander. She didn’t have to mention her fears that Palpatine had created her as some sort of Dark Side concubine for Kylo Ren. Or that awakening of those feelings she had suppressed for so long. She didn’t have to mention how Kylo had held her, or kissed her, or how that had made her feel. And she definitely wasn’t going to tell them everything her wandering hands had discovered about the Supreme Leader.

But she did have to tell them how he had fought by her side. She did have to touch on how affected he had been by all of these recent events. And how in the wake of all of these trials she had been able to rely on his unflinching support, his kindness, despite whatever he was going through.

It made her friends uncomfortable, she could see that. None of the questions they asked concerned him directly. Rey didn’t know whether that relieved or disappointed her. It was only after Poe had gone up to the bar to order another round of refreshments that Kylo’s name was mentioned by any of them.

Kaydel leaned forward. “I didn’t want to say it in front of Poe, but somebody has to. Kylo Ren, huh? Not exactly what I thought he would be.” She nudged Rey. “You kept that quiet.”

She saw Finn staring at her and shrugged. “What? I’m not saying I want to jump his bones. Or that he’s not evil or anything. But I’ve got two perfectly good eyes and they can appreciate when a man looks that good.”

“He’s _not_ evil,” said a flushed Rey.

“What?!” said Finn.

“There you go, Finn. Not evil. Am I allowed think he looks good now?” Kaydel saw Rose shooting her a warning look and frowned.

Finn shook his head in general disgust and got up to help Poe with their order at the bar.

When he was out of earshot, Kaydel looked at Rose. “What? What did I say?”

Rose was silent, directing another speaking look at her and Kaydel glanced at Rey for elucidation. Rey wasn’t looking at her, concentrating on the drink in her hand with furious, blushing interest.

Kaydel sat back suddenly, almost slipping off her stool. “No.”

Neither of them answered her and her eyes widened further. _“No!”_

“No,” Rose agreed firmly. “Whatever you’re thinking, stop.”

“Okay, okay!” said Kaydel. She couldn’t help but give Rey a mischievous look. “I hope my tips helped. If you need any more, you know where to find me.”

Rey was thankful she had no need to reply. Finn and Poe had returned with their drinks and Kaydel dropped the subject after a big-eyed stare at Rose who frowned it down. The conversation moved to the more general concern of Palpatine’s return after that and Rey spent the rest of her time avoiding Kaydel’s speculative eye.

She hadn’t _said_ anything. Kaydel had only guessed, and she didn’t appear to be about to make her suspicions public. But Rose knew. If she hadn’t before, she definitely knew now. But Rey was suddenly too tired to worry about any of it. It had been a very long time since she had woken up on Jakku.

It was over an hour later before Chewie loped into the dining hall, making straight for Rey with a message from Leia. She had retired for the night leaving Kylo alone on the Falcon. Rey nodded, getting up immediately, with only the briefest of murmured goodbyes to the others. Chewie would explain.

The walk back to where they had docked the Falcon seemed interminable, but Rey couldn’t bring herself to break into a run. She didn’t even leap over hidden overgrown furrows, still deeply gouged into the soft earth from the aerial assaults of both the First Order and the Resistance a year before. She skirted around them slowly instead.

Leia would not have sent Chewie to find her if she hadn’t been worried about Kylo. As worried as Rey was, now she couldn’t be distracted by anything else. Rey had found it stressful enough to be amongst her friends with the nature of her recent liaisons with Kylo Ren weighing heavily on her conscience. She couldn’t even imagine what his meeting with his mother must have been like. For either of them.

Rey dreaded what she would find as she walked down the access corridor of the Falcon. There were no sounds to alert her to his state of mind. No anguished sobs like there had been in his makeshift cell on Kef-Bir. No scenes of devastation from a fit of temper.

And even when she found him, sitting head down and shoulders hunched on the lounge seat in the main hold, she had still no clue. His head rose and then he got up to stand staring at her as she stood equally still just inside the curved entrance.

“Kylo?” she whispered.

Whatever Rey had fearfully anticipated, she hadn’t expected he would lurch towards her and almost bowl her over with a hug. Rey hugged him back, teetering on tiptoes, too surprised to feel relief.

“You came back,” he said so quietly she almost didn’t hear him.

“Of course I did,” she whispered into his hair.

And then he loosened his grip, and she could move her head back to see him properly. He looked tired and red-eyed but not the picture of despair he had been on Kef-Bir. There was even the hint of a tremulous smile on his face as he leaned in to kiss her, and now Rey could kiss him. Mouth firm against his. Steadying resolute kisses into the soft warm cushions of his lips.

She dropped down on her heels, her hand sliding down his arm to take his hand. Taking him with her to sit down beside her on the lounge seat. Kylo’s hand clasped hers tightly, his eyes flickering between hers, and Rey’s heart ached at the look in them.

She smoothed his hair from his brow. “I just wanted to know you’re okay,” she said. “You don’t have to tell me anything.”

Kylo’s smile crumpled, a little quake tightening his lips, twitching his chin.

“I can’t. Not now.”

And much as Rey wanted to console him, she was almost glad of that.

As glad as Kylo was when she said, “That’s okay,” and slid an arm around his neck. She drew his head down and he sank it onto her shoulder, his heavy lids closing, soothed by her touch. Feeling a lassitude flow through his tense muscles as her fingers stroked his hair gently.

“You should sleep,” whispered Rey. “We both should. A lot has happened today.”

His head lifted up a little. “Do you want to go?”

“No,” she said softly, touched by how humble he sounded. “I want to stay.”

She stood up and led him to the crew quarters. Kylo looked around at the bunks, to the larger captain’s bunk that lay separated by a sliding door beyond them.

“You take that one,” he said.

“ _We’ll_ take it.” Rey began to walk towards it but was stalled by his hand.

“It will be like it was on Jakku,” he said solemnly. “I won’t do anything, I promise.”

Rey smiled and shook her head. “It’s okay. No need for promises. I think we’re both too tired anyway.”

When she returned from changing into her sleep clothes in the refresher, Kylo was already in bed, lifting the blanket to let her in. He curled his arm around her when she slid in beside him.

“You found me,” he said sleepily.

Rey was about to reply that it really hadn’t been that difficult when she saw a serious look in his eyes.

“Thank you for coming back.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” she whispered, snuggling into his warmth, feeling the happiness she only felt when she was in his arms. Here she was wanted. Here was where she wanted to be.

She pressed her nose into the smooth bare skin of his shoulder, breathing in the remaining vestiges of anxious salty sweat over undertones of grassy lake water and spicy citrusy soap. It was the sweetest muskiest scent, comforting and exotic and exciting all at once and utterly him.

Rey wanted to live here forever, cushioned by Kylo’s warm skin, to have the feel of it, the scent of it become more familiar to her than anything else in the galaxy. She wanted to stay awake, to luxuriate in his closeness. But sheer exhaustion from the events of the day caught up with her, and it wasn’t long before she succumbed to the persuasive pull of dark oblivion.

_Rey is lying on the grass, gazing up at the stars. A voice she recognises speaks from her lips, but it is not hers._

_“Which one would you like? Choose one.”_

_Kylo Ren’s voice._

Rey’s lashes fluttered before her eyes opened. She blinked at the dark shape beside her in the bunk, not quite sure what had happened. Her eyes began to adjust to the darkness as she gazed at him, seeing Kylo shift in his sleep, a little smile curling his lips. And then the truth began to dawn on her.

She had been inside his head. His mind brushed against hers again and Rey instinctively pushed away from it before she stopped. Wavering between guilt that she had unwittingly broken in on his dreams and an irrepressible curiosity to see herself as he did. Rey’s thoughts churned as she looked at Kylo’s sleeping face. The face that had become the most beautiful sight in the galaxy to her.

She wanted to know. Her eyes closed as her mind reached out quietly to meet him.

_She sees herself, lying on the grass. She is very close, and she is laughing, her eyes sparkling as she meets her eyes._

_His eyes, she reminds herself. Do I look like this? It is so strange to see herself from this angle. She can’t remember her face in the mirror ever looking like this, so relaxed and happy._

_“I can’t choose just one! They’re all beautiful. Can’t I have more than one?” she sees herself say._

_Warmth is flooding through her as his body turns and she is gazing down at herself._

_“You can have them all,” says Kylo Ren’s voice, “I will give you every star in the sky.”_

_Her eyes close and their lips meet._

Rey’s eyes opened with a start as she felt a surge of pleasure flush through her. Even with her eyes open, she could still feel the sensations Kylo was experiencing, and they shook her. She shouldn’t have done that. Rey felt awful, intruding on his secret thoughts. Ashamed of the thrill that zinged in her stomach.

He muttered in his sleep and the feeling evaporated, leaving her cold and afraid. She stared at him, seeing a furrow crease between his brows. And Rey was suddenly too fearful to worry about Kylo’s privacy anymore.

She closed her eyes.

_The grass is melting away and she is gone. She can feel his desperation as he searches to find her and looks up to see Han Solo standing before her._

_“I want to see the face of my son,” he says, and she is taking off her helmet._

_“Ben?” Han’s eyes widen as he reaches up to touch her face._

_“Who are you?” he falters._

_And she drives her lightsaber through him again and again, gulping back sobs of horror._

Rey tore her eyes open. Through a film of tears, she saw Kylo writhe in his sleep. She hesitated, torn between horror and pity. She couldn’t leave him there. She delved back into his mind.

_Now she stands behind Kylo. She reaches forward and pulls him back to let Han fall_.

_“I’m here,” she whispers._

_And then she is, lying on the grass under the stars._

_She feels Kylo shudder as she draws him close, feels the weight of his head, and his hair silken under her fingers as clearly as she feels his horror subside into wracking sobs._

_“I’m here,” she repeats._

Rey realised she was whispering aloud but Kylo didn’t wake.

_He is quieter now, his warm tears cooling on her neck._

_“Don’t leave me again,” he says in a dreadful broken little voice and she feels her own tears pricking her eyelids._

_“I’m here,” she whispers, her words stirring his hair._

_Cradling his head against her, she waits until he falls asleep._

Rey opened her eyes to watch Kylo breathe, soft and deep into his pillow. She had seen the worst thing he had ever done, again and again before her eyes. But worse than that; she had felt his self-loathing and grief as if it had been her own. It was unbearable.

It was a long time before Rey slept. She wanted to stay awake as long as she could. To make sure her arms stayed twined around his sleeping body. To stay with him as long as she could. Until she couldn’t any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't described Kylo's reunion with Leia, but it will be explored in later chapters.
> 
> Things will only get more complicated in the next few chapters for our poor dyad. But not before Rey and Kylo engage in a little bit more exploration of their new-found connection! 😉
> 
> I've started to put up the surprises I mentioned a few chapters ago. They're illustrations, and they'll be popping up gradually. I'll leave updates in my end of latest end of chapter notes if you want to find them easily. Including links on twitter if they don't open on phone formats. At the moment, there's a Baby Ben Solo with the Ewok in Chapter 7. Kef-Bir. And now a Force bond connection pic in the first chapter, Ajan Kloss. Hope you like! 🤞💖


	22. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo discover something new, the Resistance debate alternatives and opportunities, and Rey is troubled by her recent decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their change in circumstances begins to take its toll on Rey and Kylo after a surprisingly pleasant start to their day! Warning: some over the clothes experimentation in the first half of this chapter!

It felt like only moments later when something woke Rey. Much, much too early. She opened bleary eyes to see a broad shoulder and then closed them again with a little squirm of delight.

_Kylo!_

And then memories of that dreadful dream from the night before assailed her. Her eyes opened again to rise apprehensively to his face. But Kylo looked peaceful now. So soft in slumber, noble nose sweetly blunted into his pillow, pink lips slightly parted, long fine eyelashes sweeping over the dark hollows under his eyes. And Rey was only noticing now a triangle of three tiny freckles beside the corner of one eye. The loveliest little constellation.

She shifted slightly to nestle closer. Kylo muttered in his sleep, slinging a warm heavy thigh over her hip. Rey sighed, turning her face to plant a kiss into the satiny softness of his smooth relaxed chest. He shuddered and stretched, muscle tensing that chest underneath her lips, his leg lifting the blankets off her. She watched him wake up, opening his eyes to see her there. 

“Morning,” she whispered, and the smile that spread over his drowsy features lit up hers.

“Rey? You here?”

They froze, pulling apart, eyes swivelling to the doorway. The sound of approaching footsteps clanging down the metal passageway paralysed Rey, and it was up to Kylo to spring into desperate action, rolling over her to dive into the main crew quarters. He skidded across the floor, collapsing onto the bunk opposite to kick his way under the covers.

He had just dragged the blanket up as far as his waist when the door slid open. Finn’s head popped in to see Kylo staring wildly at him.

“Oh!” said Finn, disagreeably surprised. “Where’s Rey?”

“I’m here!” squeaked Rey from the adjoining room, still winded from Kylo’s elbow digging into her stomach in his frantic efforts to flee. Her head appeared around the door and Finn made his way over after another suspicious look at Kylo, who had sat up to clutch the blanket modestly to his bare chest.

“We’re having a meeting. The representatives of the Outer Rim planets are expected tonight, and we have to decide what to do about _him.”_ Finn jerked his head in the direction of Kylo.

“What do you mean?” said Rey sharply, seeing Kylo rise out of his bunk behind Finn. “Who called this meeting?”

“General Organa,” said Finn. He looked around at Kylo and sighed irritably. “Can’t you put on a shirt or something?” His brows snapped together as he took in a vast expanse of rosy shoulders. “Hang on. What happened to you?”

Kylo glanced down at his stomach, which had already lost its ghostly pallor. “I was swimming.”

Finn’s face screwed up in surprise. “What?!”

“Swim-ming,” repeated Kylo, louder and slower.

“Finn!” said Rey quickly, seeing an ominous look descend over his face. “Where is this meeting? The dining hall?”

“No,” said Finn, collecting himself. “There’s a room past that to the left. You’re both expected.” He spared a moment to shake his head at Kylo before he left. “Put on some clothes, man.”

Rey and Kylo stared at each other, waiting until the last echo of his footsteps faded.

“What do you think that means?” asked Rey, slithering out of her bunk, distracting Kylo with shapely legs under her sleep shorts.

“I don’t know,” he said, tearing his eyes away. “I suppose it won’t look good to have the Supreme Leader of the First Order greeting prospective Resistance allies. Or maybe they think I’ll target their planets if they join the Resistance.”

Rey frowned. “But you wouldn’t do that.”

“I wouldn’t do that _now_ ,” he amended. And as he saw her watching him with troubled eyes, he realised he didn’t want to do anything she didn’t want him to. His fears about the wedge that could be driven between them by the Resistance surfaced again. He could not let that happen.

He walked over to her, smoothing a little wisp of hair away from her anxious brow. “You can trust me on this.”

“I want to,” said Rey, trying not to let his touch divert her from her thoughts. “I do. But I’ve just been thinking about us. Not the First Order. Or the Resistance.”

“Me too,” said Kylo.

“We have to now,” she said urgently, sliding her hands up his arms. “What are you going to do? I mean after we find that place Anakin told us about?”

Kylo’s decision had never been more simple, but that made it all the more frightening to say aloud. “I’m going to stay with you,” he said cautiously. “If that’s what you want.”

Tears leapt into Rey’s eyes. “It’s what I want.” 

Her hands left his arms to fling around his neck, yanking him down to her level. A gust of a laugh escaped Kylo as his hands reached under her thighs to scoop her up with a yelp of surprised delight into his arms. Rey hugged him tighter, her legs wrapping around his hips, before moving back to look into his face, at his dimples and wolfish teeth. She smiled happily, secure in his arms before her eyes grew shy.

“You’re lovely,” she whispered.

Kylo wrinkled his nose, flushing under her scrutiny, and noticed a fresh sprinkle of little freckles over her nose and cheeks. A present from yesterday’s sun.

“ _You’re_ lovely,” he breathed and shut his eyes to kiss her, long and soft on her smiling mouth.

Rey kissed him back, getting a little lost in the pleasure of it all until she remembered the purpose of Finn’s visit. She broke away with a moan of frustration.

“We should get ready,” she said and moved in for one last hug.

Kylo sighed into her neck, sending a little tremor through her. A little tremor that intensified as his lips pressed into the same spot. Kylo felt her tense in his arms, her fingers clutch at his hair and kissed her neck again. Unable to resist touching his tongue to warm skin, to taste her. Rey squirmed ecstatically, pulling away to stare at him with round eyes.

Kylo stared back at her guiltily. “Sorry!”

“No!” said Rey forcefully. “That was really nice.”

“It was?” said Kylo, trying not to show how ridiculously proud he felt.

“Let me,” said Rey, diving her face into his neck to kiss her way up the broad column of his throat, her tongue leaving a cool shivery trail in its wake.

Kylo gulped under her lips, his hands flexing convulsively on the undersides of her legs as her breath warmed his damp skin. That _did_ feel nice. His head spun, his fingers spreading to span her thighs, to pull her closer.

Rey’s head shot back, her hand slapping down over his. Kylo opened his eyes, shocked to realise that his fingertips had inadvertently come a little too close to the insides of her upper thighs. And was transfixed by wide glazed eyes, lips parting to take in quick, shallow breaths.

“Ben!”

Kylo searched her eyes, not sure what that urgent look meant. Did she want him to stop? He backed up until he felt a bunk behind his knees and sat down carefully, loosening his grip so she could move away if she wanted to. Rey unwrapped her legs from his waist, slinging them back to kneel either side of him and leaned in to kiss him.

She didn’t want him to stop.

Their kisses were becoming a little unruly now, their bodies swaying with the need to hold each other closer. Kylo collapsed onto his back, dragging Rey down with him to fall giggling into his shoulder. Only subsiding when his hands encountered bare skin between her vest and shorts. They both held their breath as his fingers slid over her to envelop her little waist in his big hands.

Rey lifted up on her elbows to look down at him, at the face that had become so dear to her, at the big warm body beneath her. In a few hours all of this loveliness could be locked away from her.

Her knees shuffled forward, and she saw Kylo’s dark eyes widen and drop as she lowered herself down. His breath releasing in a shocked whoosh as she settled gently over his hips. But the glance he shot back up at her told him that Rey knew exactly what she was doing.

Because she did. In a way. And in another way not at all. But that inadvertent brush of Kylo’s fingers had brought a sensation flooding back to life. That strange, warm, maddening sensation she had felt by the lake. And as nervous as Rey was about where that sensation would lead her, that apprehension was surpassed by a sudden need to know more.

Kylo swallowed, his fingers tightening around her waist as she came closer to kiss him again, sinking down onto his want for her.

And now Rey could feel him, hard and warm through those two thin layers of fabric. Pressing against her sensitive skin underneath. A little noise sounded into his mouth as his hands slipped down to her hips to hold her in place and he muffled it with a kiss more urgent than before.

They were only kissing, they told themselves as they rocked into each other. As their breath shortened, and their kisses grew sloppier and more desperate.

They were only kissing, they told themselves as their backs arched and their fingers clutched at safe shoulders and hips. As those hips discovered a rhythm more thrilling than anything they could have imagined.

There was a moment when that rhythm was almost cut short. When a shaken Rey almost leapt off Kylo in fright. Because that strange, clenched, excited feeling was beginning to turn into something else. Something shockingly alien to anything else she had ever felt before. Not like a _pain_ , but just as intense. Making her head tingly and dizzy and a pulse drum behind her teeth. Making her eyes squeeze shut and her toes curl up in alarm.

But Kylo’s hands clamped down desperately as she began to scramble up. To keep her fixed exactly where she was. Hips rocketing up to grind harder into that place that was at the core of all this exquisite torture. Vibrating through every nerve. Rey whimpered, burying her face in his neck, her fingers gripping his shoulders tight. Too suddenly overwhelmed to panic anymore.

And then they were both too overwhelmed to think anything at all, as their worlds dissolved into waves of bliss and gasps of pleasure buried into hot needy skin. As the world around them trembled and shook, sending porgs squawking from their perches and their little bunk groaning in strain against the shifting floor below.

Kylo’s arms slid around her waist to hold Rey close as she sank down limply on top of him, his hammering heart beginning to ease in his chest. His whole body felt shaky and weightless, finally free of the past year’s pent-up frustration. But it was more than that. Nothing had ever felt like this and he wanted to imprint it in his memory to hold it there forever.

But Rey hadn’t moved, and now Kylo was afraid to move also. Too afraid to raise his face from where it was buried in her neck. Pressing his lips tight together in an attempt to control his breathing through his nose. As if his panting breath would rouse Rey.

It was stupid. He knew that. Rey knew what had happened. But Kylo didn’t know how to meet her eyes after what they had done. After what _he_ had done. All too aware of that shameful warmth, sticky and wet between them.

He felt her move and relaxed his arms a little to allow her head fall back. Rey looked as dazed as he felt. But not afraid.

“What was _that_?” she said emphatically. Her brow furrowed when Kylo looked guiltily confused. She scrambled up onto an elbow to look at him. “Didn’t you feel it?”

“Oh!” said Kylo, realisation dawning. “Yes! Yes, I did.” He saw a wide smile spread over her face and his heart clenched at the wonder he saw there. “Haven’t you… Rey, has that never happened before?”

_“No!”_ she giggled in scrunch-nosed surprise. And then her eyes roved over his face a little wistfully. “Why? Has it happened to you?”

Kylo felt tears sting his eyes painfully. “Never like that,” he said fervently, gazing up at her.

Never in his life had Kylo Ren wanted to be a better person more than he did in this moment. He couldn’t quite believe it. _He_ had given Rey this experience for the first time. And somehow that meant a lot more than what that moment had meant for him. Crushing him in a way his stupefied brain couldn’t process in any coherent fashion.

But now he was beginning to realise his answer hadn’t seemed to have reassured Rey the way he hoped it would. She was looking down at her finger and thumb plucking gently at the few lonely hairs in the middle of his chest.

“Of course. That was stupid of me,” she muttered with a frowny, brave little smile and now he began to understand her.

“Rey.” Kylo reached for her hand, arresting its movement until she looked up into his eyes. “That has never happened with anyone else. Just you.”

“Oh!” she breathed, her smile returning with full force. “Really?”

“Really.”

And now Kylo was suddenly remembering Rey’s despairing accusation on the Death Star. About how normal it probably was for him to kiss someone. It had seemed strange at the time, but it made more sense now. His own humiliating lack of experience was something Kylo had never intended to discuss with Rey. Or anyone. But a need to very quickly reassure her superseded any of that embarrassment.

“You’re the only girl I’ve ever kissed,” he whispered.

That made Rey smile even more. “You’re the only man _I’ve_ ever kissed,” she admitted rather unnecessarily.

It was still very, very nice for Kylo to hear. He watched her frown return.

“But you said _never like that_.”

Kylo stared at her uncomfortably, a blush rising from deep in his chest. Surely she wasn’t that naïve? And then winced as her mouth formed a comical O.

“Oh! You mean you…?”

“A long time ago. Not now,” interrupted Kylo in a suffocated voice. She didn’t seem disgusted, only interested, and he squirmed uneasily under her silent thoughtful gaze. “Please stop thinking about it.”

“I can’t,” she said honestly. It should make her feel shocked, or even sad to picture Kylo alone, touching himself like she had as they lay by the lake. It did a little, but it also made her feel warm inside, adding to that wonderful new feeling that still buzzed and tingled inside her.

What was happening to her? She didn’t even feel like that girl from Jakku anymore. Or the Resistance for that matter.

The Resistance!

“The meeting!” yelped Rey, kneeling up suddenly. “I forgot all about it!”

Kylo sat up, watching her as she looped her tangled hair into a loose knot and scrambled around, picking up boots and trousers off the floor.

Rey paused as she buckled her belt around her waist. “Aren’t you getting dressed?”

“Right,” said Kylo, scooping up his neat pile of discarded clothes from the locker by the bunk. Arranging it discreetly over his damp shorts as he searched through his holdall for fresh underclothes before making for the refresher to get changed.

Rey was fully dressed and waiting outside when Kylo opened the door. She smiled up at him breathlessly, about to walk on when he called her back.

“Rey!” he said hesitantly, and she was surprised to see him look a little pink. “You should probably change.”

He cringed as she glanced down to see a damp patch darkening the bottom of her white vest. Rey looked back up with a shocked grin.

“Oops!” she giggled, scurrying into the crew quarters to find her wrap. She swung it over her head, crossing it over her and fastened it in place with her belt. “See anything?”

Kylo shook his head mutely, ludicrously flattered she hadn’t discarded the vest in disgust. He kissed her upturned face and Rey pressed into him for a moment, before moving away reluctantly.

They really had to go.

Despite their qualms about what lay in store, Rey and Kylo were almost relieved to finally reach the meeting room beyond the dining hall in the castle. The journey to the Falcon had taken Rey quite some time the night before, but she had been dawdling then. This time they covered the distance as quickly as possible, but it seemed to Rey as if it took twice as long. So very aware of the scrutiny of everyone they passed, of the sense of unease that hung in the air.

It was understandable. Kylo Ren striding through a Resistance base of operations was not exactly an everyday sort of occurrence.

Inside it was even more noticeable, the hubbub of conversation petering into silence as they moved through the throng to get to the antechamber. Rey was thankful that only a core group of Resistance leaders sat with Maz Kanata around a long rough-hewn wooden table in the centre of the room. Although looking around, Rey wasn’t very confident of their welcome there either. Most of the faces turned towards them showed varying degrees of trepidation, coldness, and outright hostility.

She sought out Leia, returning her empathetic smile gratefully as she took a seat beside Rose. And then looked hurriedly away. Suddenly very conscious of her vest drying against her skin underneath her wrap.

Although Rey had always been present at Resistance council meetings, she had usually taken very little part in political discussions, preferring to leave the decision making to Leia, Poe, or any of the other more seasoned commanders. But those decisions had chiefly centred around strategies and recruitment and the more technical aspects of war. None of which she felt she had enough experience to draw upon to make any valuable contribution. This time she was directly involved, or at least Kylo was, which made her at least directly concerned.

She listened to arguments back and forth about what was the best way of dealing with his presence when the Outer Rim dignitaries arrived, and felt Kylo’s irritation rise around her, an almost palpable cloud in the Force surrounding him. Rey couldn’t exactly blame him for it, she felt it too. All of this was necessary, but it seemed somewhat superfluous in the face of what they would have to confront in the near future.

She glanced nervously at Kylo as Aftab Ackbar cut through the deliberations with a direct question to him. The Mon Calamari sounded antagonistic when he asked Kylo what his intentions were towards the Resistance and Rey knew why. His father had been killed on the bridge of the Raddus in the same attack that had almost cost Leia her life.

Kylo felt Rey’s hand settle on his under the table. He knew why she did so, but there was no need. Much as Kylo disliked being placed in the position he found himself in, he had too much to lose by losing his temper. His mother, trying to disguise her apprehension under an unruffled façade at the head of the table. And Rey, who was steadily becoming the centre of his world beside him.

He might have sounded a little detached as he explained why he had no interest in continuing the conflict between the Resistance and the First Order in light of the more pressing threat of Palpatine’s return. But at least he sounded calm and relatively civil.

“That’s as may be,” said gruff Commander Gartfran, unimpressed. “But it doesn’t answer the question of what we’re going to do with you when our guests arrive. They’d probably prefer to see you without a head or at the very least in chains.”

“Not necessarily,” broke in Lando, rousing himself from his relaxed position by Leia’s side. “If anything, having the Supreme Leader here might very well work in our favour. The Outer Rim planets fear the First Order. That’s what’s been preventing them from supporting the Resistance in the first place. If they can see the First Order are willing to relinquish that threat of reprisal they will be more inclined to join our cause. Ben’s -”

He looked at Kylo and made a little ironic bow in his direction. “Excuse me, _Kylo’s_ presence here could be instrumental in their decision.”

The arguments continued and Rey and Kylo stole a furtive glance at each other. Kylo’s was a little desperate. The rather earth-shattering event that had taken place between them such a short time before now seemed like a distant memory. Their afternoon by the lake a lifetime ago. Everything had changed with the arrival of the Resistance, just as he had predicted. Now everything was rationalised, deliberated over, as if his and Rey’s futures were convoluted problems to be resolved by a committee. To Kylo, used to dismissing his High Command peremptorily, even with force if they dared to oppose his decisions, it was insufferable.

“None of this changes the fact that the First Order’s politics are the exact opposite of ours,” said Beaumont Kin flatly. “How can we have any credibility if we align ourselves with the very organisation the Resistance was formed to oppose? And if we are seen to have Kylo Ren here as our guest?”

Rey’s hand clenched Kylo’s under the table and he looked sideways at her to see a familiar set to her chin. That mulish one normally reserved for him.

“Kylo Ren has to stay here.” Her clear voice rang out, maybe louder than Rey had intended. She looked a little disconcerted as all heads turned to her, but although she continued more quietly, her tone remained resolute.

“Anakin and Luke Skywalker told us we have to work together to defeat Palpatine. Palpatine is the enemy, not Kylo Ren. Not anymore. Or at least not right now. It’s as simple as that. That’s all that needs to be said to anyone. They need to be reminded of who Palpatine is and why he must be defeated.”

She was rewarded by a tight little smile from Leia, and a nod of appreciation from Lando.

Lando leaned forward. “As Luke told it, if it weren’t for Vader, the Emperor would have killed him. Not enough people know that story. They should. And Kylo Ren is not Darth Vader. Or Palpatine. He’s Leia’s son. Han’s son. He’s a soul who lost his way. And now he’s back. If there’s a story you want to spin, that’s the one.”

He smiled at Leia. “I’m sounding cynical here, I know. But I’m not. The galaxy loves you. It loves the Skywalkers. We’ve got another one right here. Look at him. He’s young, handsome, and powerful and the last of the Skywalker bloodline. A legend before he was even born. Call him by his name. Call him Ben Solo.”

He looked over at Kylo and this time his eyes were softer. “It’s your name, kid.”

The council was silent, riveted to the responses of their general and her son, until they were surprised into a nervous titter by Chewbacca’s howl of approval, causing a flicker to run through Kylo’s guarded expression. Kylo’s outward appearance might betray very little of his state of mind, but his inner turmoil could be felt by Rey in the tightness of his grip, and her heart ached as acutely as her hand.

Leia smiled at Chewie. “That’s what we’re going to do,” she said.

She turned her attention to the room. “Ben Solo is my son. He is helping us in our fight against Palpatine. He and Rey are our only hope now. The Rebel Alliance – hope was all we had. And we have always won because we had hope, no matter how impossible the odds were, and we’ll win again. That’s our strength. That’s how we win.”

The general had made up her mind, and her council knew better than to oppose her once she had done so, whether they approved of her decision or not. The discussion now centred on what, if any, alliance could be struck with the First Order.

Rey listened to their questions, to Kylo’s answers, and felt her relief dissipate into dismay.

Despite what Kylo had said on the Falcon, she knew now he couldn’t stay. At least not for long. He would have to return to the First Order. In the heat of that happy moment, she had forgotten the necessity of building an army big enough to quash Palpatine’s. She suspected Kylo had too. She knew she shouldn’t feel as forlorn as she did. Beating Palpatine had to take precedence if they had any hope of having more opportunities to get to know each other better. Never mind continuing on those secret adventures they had only started to embark on.

And she had to admit, all this talk of the First Order rattled her. It had been surprisingly easy to disassociate Kylo from his politics when he had comforted her. When she had comforted him. When they had fought side by side to protect each other. When Anakin Skywalker had reinforced the importance of their union in the Force. When Kylo kissed her and held her and swam with her under a sunny sky. None of it had seemed exactly simple then, but now she yearned for yesterday. It had been a lot less complicated when it was just the two of them.

Now she was hearing the concerns of the Resistance, their disgust at the methods used by the First Order to enforce their rule. Now she was seeing Kylo through her friends’ eyes and she couldn’t blame them for their misgivings. She had viewed him the same way not so long before. Kylo Ren was the Supreme Leader of an organisation that had torn the galaxy apart, to reshape as it saw fit.

It became infinitely worse when Rose had spoken up, right beside her. At first, Rey had felt a nasty shock of betrayal that her friend would join the grilling aimed at Kylo. But that feeling had faded as she listened, to be replaced with something much more uncomfortable. 

Rey had known a little about Rose’s past. About how the First Order had tested weapons in the Otomok System and ripped Hays Minor apart, mining for reserves of fuel hidden deep within the planet’s core. Entire civilisations, entire planets annihilated by greed, for nothing more than power and resources. But hearing about it now sounded different, more immediate. Much more unpleasant as she sat between her friend and the man who led the organisation that had destroyed everything Rose had loved.

It didn’t even matter that Kylo Ren hadn’t been the one to give those specific commands to destroy that particular planet. Or that he hadn’t even endorsed those commands. These sorts of atrocities were still happening under the rule of the First Order. Kylo Ren’s rule.

She hated the doubts that began to creep into her mind, but they had to be acknowledged.

The same warm body she had held so passionately had performed acts of unspeakable cruelty. Those soft lips that had kissed her so sweetly had given orders to decimate and destroy. The broken child she had discovered hidden underneath that aloof demeanour and formidable physique wasn’t just something to be pitied or consoled. It was to be feared.

Years of bottled-up pain and anger had caused Kylo Ren to do dreadful, unthinkable things before. Even he didn’t trust himself not to commit such monstrous acts again. He had told her so, and she had wilfully ignored it. Because she had wanted to allow herself to kiss him a whole lot more.

Rey shifted uncomfortably, her hand in Kylo’s feeling clammy and trapped. It was only now she was beginning to realise just how far she had strayed from her own intrinsic moral code.

Kylo hadn’t renounced the First Order, or the Dark Side. He hadn’t even pretended he would. But she couldn’t lay the blame on him for her decisions. She had been the one at fault. She had deliberately let those lovely pouting lips and those pretty, pretty dark eyes blind her to that other, more sinister side of him, like a silly infatuated girl.

Rey couldn’t fix him with her kisses. Kylo Ren wasn’t some cursed prince to her noble knight in a make-believe tale told to children. Not that the sort of kisses they’d been exchanging recently would be appropriate to feature in any children’s story. Rey might have told herself they were only kissing because no clothing had been shed, or they hadn’t actually… _done_ things to each other. But she couldn’t lie to herself any longer. The clothing she wore right now bore the evidence that this had all gone way beyond kissing.

The meeting finally ended, and Rey had no idea what the conclusions were. She had stopped listening at some point, too absorbed in her own thoughts to pay attention to anyone else’s. All she could think of was that she was here, surrounded by her friends, with her hand in Kylo Ren’s. She felt like a traitor to everyone. To the Resistance, her friends, Kylo, and herself most of all.

She shrugged her hand free to stand up, not heeding the sidelong glance Kylo sent her way. It was hard enough to meet his eyes when he rose to stand beside her.

“I’ll see you afterwards?” he asked quietly.

Rey nodded, relieved that he moved away almost immediately to join Leia at the head of the table. She became aware that Rose was speaking to her and had to ask her to repeat what she had said.

“Just that I’d like to be a fly on the wall when Kylo Ren tells Hux the First Order are allying themselves with the Resistance,” said Rose with relish, and then paused, eyeing Rey’s abstracted expression. “Are you okay? I thought you’d be pleased.”

“I am,” said Rey unconvincingly.

Rose frowned, her eyes flicking from her friend’s troubled face to Kylo Ren’s grave profile as he spoke to his mother.

“Okay,” she said decisively. “Let’s get out of here before Maz finds something for us to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the melancholy conclusion! But things were always going to be awkward and challenging for Rey when the Resistance showed up. It seemed natural that she'd begin to have doubts during a confrontation like this. Expect more heart-burnings to come!
> 
> The reference to Rose’s past on Hays Minor is derived from one of the Age of Resistance series of comics - Rose Tico, by Tom Taylor. 
> 
> I’ve started to upload my illustrations for the chapters. At the moment there’s only two. Rey ignoring a Force connection with Kylo in Chapter 1. Ajan Kloss, and a Baby Ben Solo with an Ewok in Chapter 7. Kef-Bir. I do pen sketches so I’ve quite a few done, but I need to get access to my scanner again. (Left it in work, now pandemically locked away from me!) I’ll put updates of illustrations in the end notes on my most recent chapters, so if you want to see them there’ll be no need to scroll through the whole fic to find them.  
> I think I’ll stick to putting up the pics after the chapters have been initially uploaded, for time reasons and also because they might not be everyone’s thing! 
> 
> Thanks so much for the lovely Kudos, comments, and bookmarks! I’m now up to 100 Kudos now. I can’t believe it!!! Thank you! 💖


	23. Deliberations and Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn is besieged by doubts, Rose dispenses cautious advice, Kylo is annoyed by an old adversary and both sides of the dyad are sartorially challenged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of introspection ahead as Rey and Kylo come to terms with the events of the Resistance council meeting.

Finn got up, on the verge of following Rey and Rose from the antechamber to the dining hall beyond, before suddenly changing his mind. There was something about the covert manner in which they slipped out that told him they didn’t want to be disturbed. Looking around him, he saw Poe caught up in conversation with Kaydel Ko Connix and Beaumont Kin. He wavered, briefly considering joining them before deciding against it. There was no distraction that could shake this stupid unpleasant feeling.

Stupid _unworthy_ feeling. Because Finn was horribly aware that he was jealous, and worse still he wasn’t even sure who he was jealous of. All he knew was that he had been Rey’s friend first. He had been Rose’s friend first. And it wasn’t nice to know he would now be unwelcome in their company. Finn frowned, steering his thoughts away from Rose to focus on the only slightly less complicated issues he had with Rey.

He couldn’t help feeling a little sad that he knew so little of her state of mind anymore. She had never been particularly forthcoming, but recently she had retreated behind a distant façade more difficult than ever to penetrate. And even though she had been so obviously pleased to see him the night before, that façade had never quite crumbled away. Apart from telling them what had happened, Rey had not participated much in the conversation that followed, and had been in such a rush to get away she had barely even said goodnight.

It wasn’t difficult to know why.

Finn looked resentfully at Kylo Ren, looming over his mother as she conferred with Commander D’Acy and Commander Gartfran. _He_ was the cause of this new mistrustful change in their relationship. Finn seriously doubted the discussions of the past hour or more would have the effect General Organa and Lando Calrissian so obviously hoped they would. Just because Kylo Ren had decided that he was going to tag along after Rey, that wouldn’t be enough to convince everybody that all confidence in him could be restored.

Nobody could change that drastically. Finn couldn’t help but be pleased to see Kylo glowering at Commander Gartfran as he answered him. It would do him no harm to know not everyone could be won round as easily as Rey.

It had been impossible not to watch them both as they sat together during the meeting. Or take note of their fleeting exchanges of glances. The tension in their bodies as they listened to the very valid issues being raised against even a temporary truce with the First Order.

Rey might protest that she and Kylo were coerced into this alliance by the Force, but Finn couldn’t help but notice how at ease they now were with each other. It was perhaps even a little understandable, considering they were both adept with a power nobody else could fully understand.

But that didn’t change the fact that Rey was essentially a good person and Kylo Ren was evil to the core. And ever since Rey had started to communicate with him again, she had begun to change into somebody Finn was finding it harder and harder to recognise.

How was it possible that the Supreme Leader of the First Order was here with them now? Free to roam around without supervision. Why was this suddenly acceptable? Beaumont Kin seemed to be of the same mind as Finn, along with Commander Gartfran and more than a couple of others. But it appeared that enough of the Resistance were willing to take a chance on Kylo Ren. It was unbelievable.

Even Poe didn’t feel the same level of indignation Finn did about this development. His commitment to the Resistance came first and if Kylo Ren could be useful to them he was willing to put his own personal grievances aside. But that argument annoyed Finn even more. He had shown his dedication to the Resistance’s cause for less time than Poe, that was true, but Poe didn’t have the knowledge Finn had of the First Order, and Kylo Ren in particular.

And as for Rose…

He had watched her as she sat beside Rey, feeling an inexplicable misery sweep over him as she smiled comfortingly at Rey when the meeting concluded. It was horrible to be at outs with her, considering they had been making tentative attempts to recover the easy camaraderie they had shared a year ago. Rose was the kindest person he knew, and Finn felt awful that the generosity of her tender heart was at the root of his recent issues with her.

She might have condemned the practices of the First Order during the meeting, but Finn knew she was much too willing to hope that Kylo Ren could restore himself back to what he once had been. And now she sided with Rey against him.

After Rey had left the dining hall the night before, Rose had again tried to compare Kylo’s circumstances with Finn’s own escape from the First Order. But that was absurd if only she could be brought to see it. And it certainly didn’t help that her heated flush rendered her even more adorably pretty than usual as she made her arguments. In fact, if anything, it made it worse, because Finn was much too distracted to counter her arguments as effectively as he would have liked.

He had been distracted ever since he had seen her in that yellow dress on Kef-Bir. So distracted that he had barely even noticed Rey had disappeared into thin air. He had thought (and hoped) that all of those confused emotions Rose had raised in him a year ago were on their way to being all but forgotten until then. Apparently, they weren’t.

Not for the first time, Finn wished that he had handled things differently when Rose had emerged from her coma all that time ago. It had seemed impossible then to bring up the kiss she had given him, when so many problems besieged the Resistance. When he was so unsure of exactly how that kiss had left him feeling. Rose hadn’t mentioned it either.

And after a while their mutual lack of acknowledgement of that kiss had become an insurmountable obstacle that prevented them from communicating properly at all. Finn still wasn’t quite sure what Rose had meant by it. But he was pretty sure that whatever her intention had been then, it was different now.

Finn took a step towards the group gathered around Poe, resolutely banishing Rose and her yellow dress and her kiss from his mind. That time had passed.

Rey hadn’t put up any resistance to being led outside. And although she didn’t lend much to the conversation, she was glad of Rose’s flow of chatter as they meandered down towards the lake. Not even really aware that her steps were leading them to that sunny glade where she had spent her afternoon the day before. She made all of the appropriate noises, smiling as Rose told her of Threepio’s pompous delight in his role as official interpreter at the function later that night. Cringing when she was told of Jannah’s determination to dress them up to impress the delegates.

But Rose was not to be fooled. She saw the stricken look on Rey’s face as they entered a clearing and stopped when Rey did to look out over the lake.

Rey became conscious of Rose’s gaze and glanced around, rousing herself from her thoughts. Rose had been talking about Finn, and something to do with stormtroopers.

“Sorry, what?” she said.

“I was just saying that Finn is the only person I know who could get through to the stormtroopers, but he doesn’t want to do it,” said Rose. “I think he’s afraid of opening the door on that part of his life again.”

“I know how he feels,” said Rey dully. “It’s what I did on Jakku.”

“But you feel better for it, right? That’s why you went there.”

Rey shook her head. “I don’t know. I thought I did. When I came back from Jakku, I thought everything would be different. I thought it would be even clearer after Anakin Skywalker told me about who I am. It isn’t. It’s _better_ , but it’s still just as confusing. More.”

“But so much has happened in such a short space of time,” said Rose soothingly. “You haven’t had time to let it settle. It would be pretty normal to feel a little bit all over the place under the circumstances. I know I would be.”

“I don’t have time for that,” said Rey a little hopelessly. “I can’t be unsure. I can’t not know what to do. I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

“You’re Rey. And you’re great,” said Rose, slipping her arm through Rey’s and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “But I know what you mean. You’ve been pushed into making decisions and you feel you’re not ready. You are. When Paige and I left Hays Minor we had to grow up very quickly. But we found a place here with the Resistance. It was the best decision I ever made. Even with everything that’s happened…”

She blinked and waited for her voice to return, her fingers clutching the Haysian smelt medallion she wore around her neck. “Different experiences change you. Bad things happen but you grow from them. After Paige… I realised how important we are. Us, not just the cause we fight for. These things make you stronger, Rey.”

“But what if it’s not just the things that happen to you? What if it’s the things you do?” said Rey. She saw Rose look at her curiously. “I mean, what if you do something, something you’re not sure… What if you don’t know if you’re doing the right thing? How do you know?”

_Oh no,_ thought Rose, but she only said; “Trust your instincts. You’ll know. You’ll know if it feels right. Or wrong.”

Rey was silent. She could almost see Kylo standing waiting for her in the water. Could almost hear her own laughter, her shrieks as the cold water hit her warm skin. Could almost feel his wet body pressed against hers.

She glanced away from the lake guiltily. Pointlessly. It wasn’t as if Rose would somehow be able to know what she was thinking. All the same, she slid her eyes down to focus safely on the grass underfoot instead. Before they narrowed in sudden surprise.

Fragments of red rind from the fruit Kylo had peeled for her lay by her feet. And beside them, almost hidden under the long grass, four little green saplings, so new they were still white at the bottom of the stems. She wouldn’t have noticed them at all if the tufts of grass around them weren’t still slightly flattened from where their bodies had lain.

Those seedlings hadn’t been there the day before. She had the vaguest memory of Kylo scooping seeds from the red fruit before he handed it to her. Rey had very little botanical knowledge, but even she knew seeds didn’t sprout that quickly.

This was not an isolated incident. There were the green buds she had discovered in the shade of the AT-AT on Jakku on the morning she left. Where nothing had ever grown before. This couldn’t be a coincidence.

And both times Kylo Ren had been with her.

This had to be something to do with the Force.

Rose had said she would know if she was doing the right thing. And now Rey was hoping that these sweet little budding plants were providing that answer she was almost too afraid to look for. In case it wasn’t the one she was so desperate to find.

Kylo’s visit to General Hux in his cell, deep within the dark cellars of Maz’s castle was going about as well as he had anticipated. Not very well at all. It came as no surprise to Kylo that the prospect of uniting the First Order with the Resistance against a common enemy was even less welcome to Hux than it had been to the Resistance council. He knew his general had already been dubious of Kylo’s schemes to work with the Final Order, although he had seldom voiced it for fear of repercussions.

He didn’t seem afraid now. As if his capture by the Resistance had broken through that veneer of reserved obsequiousness that had served him so well after Kylo had appointed himself Supreme Leader.

And Kylo was beginning to realise that he had more in common with Han Solo than he had previously thought. He had told himself his father was weak, even cowardly, running off with Chewbacca on spurious missions when his mother had found herself embroiled in political imbroglios. Now he felt a lot more understanding about why he did so.

This power play between his erstwhile rival and himself barely even angered him now. It was merely stupid and tiresome. Hux was much more familiar with the management of the troops and day to day running of the fleet. If he weren’t such an obnoxiously rabid zealot, Kylo would be perfectly content to let him handle the First Order. Leave him to liaise with the Resistance and concoct strategies to defeat the Final Order. Anything that would leave him free to pursue Palpatine with Rey (or, he thought secretly, simply pursue Rey. At least for a little while longer).

But Hux was First Order through and through, a product of its rigid regime from a child.

“How can you think this is a good idea?” spat Hux. “The Resistance has been a thorn in our side for years. And now that they have finally been whittled down to this meagre company, we have the chance to crush them, not join them.”

“We’re not joining the Resistance,” said Kylo evenly.

“Are you sure of that?”

Hux looked Kylo up and down and Kylo was annoyingly aware of his unkempt appearance in contrast to the still meticulously neat General, with his sleek red hair and shiny boots. He decided with commendable tolerance to ignore Hux’s insubordination in order to keep proceedings as civil as possible.

“We need all the help we can get,” he said, maintaining a level tone. “We have no idea what to expect.”

“What’s changed? You wanted to ally us with the Final Order before. Now the Resistance. The integrity of the First Order must come first.”

“I’ve _told_ you. Palpatine,” said Kylo, who saw no purpose in revealing his earlier motives to Hux. And definitely not his communications with the mask of his grandfather. “You’re a fool if you think he doesn’t mean to destroy us. Along with the Resistance and anything else that stands in his way. And I have no intention of being his puppet if we don’t.”

“Like you were Snoke’s,” sneered Hux.

Kylo drew in a breath and released it slowly, his balled fist itching to punch that oily smirk off his subordinate’s face. His forbearance didn’t do him any favours. Of course it didn’t. Hux didn’t respond to leniency. He saw it as weakness. He was inured to cruelty, weathering it almost as effortlessly as he dealt it out. What brought Kylo out of his burst of anger was the sobering reflection that a short while ago, the same could have been said of himself.

He had learned to be cruel through his long association with Snoke and his initiation into the Knights of Ren. He had learned how to transform hurt into hate. He had been forced to cultivate that side of his nature to survive in such environments. As a necessary means to develop his powers.

But at least he had once known love, even if his broken heart had twisted the memory of it into something ugly and unrecognisable. Kylo could even spare the tiniest amount of pity for Hux who had probably never known kindness. Who had no mother to forgive him and no Rey to kiss him.

“Don’t pretend this is your idea.” Hux stood up to look him in the eye. “It was your mother’s. The precious prince of Alderaan is Mummy’s good little boy again. Or was it the scavenger? That Jakku rat is twisting you around her dirty little finger. You were always -”

Hux never got a chance to finish.

Kylo’s itching fist itched no longer. It did smart a little from bruising contact with Hux’s jaw. He didn’t regret it. Using the Force was too good for that miserable sleemo. Kylo swept out, slamming the old barred oak door shut behind him with a satisfying thud.

He would let his general stew for a bit. Even Hux would eventually have to realise that if he wanted to avoid being held prisoner by the Resistance interminably, his only viable option was to concede defeat and comply with Kylo’s plans.

Kylo stepped out of the cellar stairs into the busy dining hall, his eyes scouring the crowd for Rey. If anything or anyone could scrub his brain clean of the lingering effects of Hux’s toxic presence, she could.

But it wasn’t just annoyance at Hux that clawed at Kylo, making him feel a little desperate for distraction. This had been a singularly unnerving day in so many ways after such a promising start. It had not been at all pleasant to be obliged to sit amongst his enemies so meekly as his leadership of the First Order was criticised and maligned with such contempt. It had taken every ounce of self-discipline he possessed to sit still as those accusations piled up against him. As those self-righteous rebels took it in turn to question every aspect of his rule.

But it hadn’t been anything he hadn’t been prepared for. Kylo had known before he walked into that meeting exactly how it would be. He had depended on Rey’s presence to keep him from retorting the way he wanted to. And his mother’s. But Lando Calrissian’s rather surprising declaration had shaken him into a numb, dumb sort of passivity.

But they weren’t the only reasons Kylo’s tongue had remained still behind his clenched teeth.

The Resistance’s interrogation had brought some unpleasant memories flooding to the front of his mind. Ones he had tried to suppress for a long time. Now so fresh in his mind that they had quelled any desire he had felt to defend himself in his usual manner.

Rose’s question about mining operations had sparked the first of them. And to Kylo’s discomfort, he wasn’t entirely sure where in the galaxy the location of that recollection had been situated. It had happened so soon after his humiliating defeat on Crait, when everything had been so raw. Everything so mixed up in fury and hurt and betrayal.

But he couldn’t forget it, because it had also been the first time the Force had connected him to Rey after they had separated on those salty white plains.

The inhabitants of this particular planet had attempted to make a stand against the First Order. Opposing the appropriation of their mines and the enforced labour of their people to dredge up every last remnant of their resources. It hadn’t been the first or the last time that had happened under Kylo Ren’s regime. But it _had_ been the last time Kylo Ren had personally involved himself in the proceedings to coerce a planet’s people back to work.

It had felt good at first to drag their leader out in front of the cowering miners. To see that look on their faces turn from defiance to terror. They should be terrified. Kylo Ren was done with mercy. Done with anything but his own need to slake his appetite for something, _anything_ to make sense of this nightmarish reality he had so suddenly catapulted himself into.

He had tightened his Force grip on the miner’s throat, abandoning himself to the wild pleasure of his own power. It would only be the work of a moment to choke the life out of him but Kylo had drawn it out. Needing to see realisation dawn in the wretched creature’s eyes that all of his ridiculous defiance had been futile.

_And there it was._

Kylo had twisted his fist and it was over. He had stepped back, his breath hot and laboured, the darkness within him thrilling through his veins.

That feeling hadn’t lasted. It never did anymore. Leaving him, as it always did now, hollow and shaky and strangely nauseated. He could barely even hear his general’s commands for the miners to get back to their work over the heavy, dull thumping of his heart.

It was then that it had happened. Kylo had looked around urgently, every sense tingling. She was coming, and he wasn’t ready.

Even now, even after Rey had kissed him and held him and slept beside him, Kylo did not like to remember that particular incident.

Immediately afterwards he had hated himself for how he had behaved. After his racing heart had stuttered back into that slow pound of dread. Knowing that he should never have let himself step so eagerly forward. Never let himself expose how humiliated he had felt. Never let himself allow Rey to presume that anything she had done had ever meant anything at all.

Kylo still winced now to remember how he had shouted at her to turn and face him. How he had chased after her like a fool, ranting about how he would bring about her end.

He had only proven the truth of Snoke’s words. Those words that had etched themselves bitterly into his brain. Because there was no way he could ignore the fact that he had acted like an angry abandoned child. A child in a mask.

And Rey hadn’t looked back once. 

Kylo had only been dimly aware of General Quinn watching him throughout. But he had heard the halting questions uttered by him.

“Sir? What… what happened? Who were you speaking to? The Jakku scavenger who killed Snoke?”

And it was then, when he had turned to see that look of incredulous suspicion on Quinn’s face, that all of Kylo’s thwarted rage had broken loose. And Quinn had been launched across the vast enclosed atrium of the quarry pit to hit the wall opposite with a crashing thud.

And it was only then that Kylo’s attention had been drawn to the group of children clearing rocks and debris in the corner where his general had landed. They had all turned hastily back to their tasks after a stunned moment. Apart from one. A girl, frozen in place, staring at him, and the look in her big apprehensive eyes had gripped him. Immobilising him to stare back at her with a gaze as stupefied as her own.

Kylo had seen those eyes before.

This is what _she_ must have looked like once. A small grubby urchin forced to work to survive.

His anger had left him so suddenly he was weak with it, and he had torn his eyes away quickly. But not before a supervisor had noticed the subject of the Supreme Leader’s gaze. He had moved forward, roughly gripping the girl’s arm and pushing her to join the others. Kylo’s jaw had tightened as he turned away.

And now with Rose’s accusation ringing in his ears, that recollection refused to leave him. Along with memories of the Force connections that had followed.

It had been much later before he saw Rey again. Long after he had looked around to see the stunned face of his general. After he had returned to the Steadfast. After he had retired to his bedchamber. After he had lain awake for hours waiting.

The second time Kylo had been more prepared.

He had looked up, scarcely daring to breathe as her eyes remained lowered, occupying herself with what looked like writing notes. He had observed her furtively, vaguely surprised after the glimpses he had caught of her life that Rey knew how to read, never mind write.

And just as she shimmered away, the thought had struck him that it was possible she wasn’t ignoring him. That perhaps she simply wasn’t aware of his presence. As if the Force had somehow blocked him from her vision. Or, he had even considered then, maybe because Snoke’s influence hadn’t lingered with Rey as it had with him.

Kylo had risen from his bed, but it was too late. He had subsided back into his pillows, resolving that the next time he would make sure.

The third time Kylo felt the surge of the Force pulling him, he had been about to leave his quarters for a meeting with his newly formed High Command.

He had gazed at Rey, willing her to look over, hoping he would not have to draw her attention to him. Noticing flushed cheeks and damp tendrils of hair clinging to the side of her neck. Her staff held tightly in her fist. She had been practising. Kylo had moved forward, taut with tension.

“Rey? Can you see me?” he said, more quietly than he had intended.

He had waited, fists clenched, but when she made no outward sign he had stepped closer. Taking a deep breath, before extending his hand towards her until his gloved fingertips almost touched her bare shoulder.

Rey had moved then, taking a swift backward step. And then her eyes had lifted to meet his. Kylo had been horrified by a sudden urge to plunge forward, to let out a shuddering sigh of relief. And then was glad he hadn’t. Halted by the look in her eyes, colder and more distant than he could have imagined. She had turned around, walking briskly away, leaving him alone.

After that, Kylo hadn’t been able to bring himself to react to their connections at all. Infuriated that his heart still thudded uncomfortably when he felt the call of the Force, urging him to find her. That quick, breathless hope that maybe this time Rey might acknowledge his presence. He had damped down that hope as determinedly as he could, as the probability of that happening had seemed to become less and less likely with every day that passed.

It had never happened. It was probably just as well, because Kylo had no idea how he would have responded if it had.

If only he had known then how things could change. How all of that doubt and anxiety could be washed away by a touch of a hand. By a whisper and a kiss.

And after meeting with Hux and enduring that interminable interrogation beforehand, Kylo really, really wanted the reassurance of a Rey kiss. But Rey was nowhere to be seen, and Kylo was about to leave to hunt for her in the Millennium Falcon when he was hailed by his mother, standing with Lando Calrissian by the bar.

For a reprehensible moment, Kylo considered pretending he had not seen them. Too loath to spend any more of this day discussing the political ramifications of the First Order’s temporary alliance with the Resistance. He had already been persuaded to give away too much ground, complying too readily with the Resistance’s demands to alter a number of the First Order's practices.

It had been all their fault. Kylo had been too reluctant to publicly defy his mother after their rather traumatising reunion the previous night. And Lando’s unprecedented show of support had rattled him so much, he hadn’t been able to concentrate on the deals they had proposed. It was no wonder that Hux had been as appalled as he had been. Kylo, himself, could scarcely believe that he had so rashly agreed to the conditions the Resistance had imposed on any pact that would be made.

But it transpired politics were not uppermost on his mother’s mind. Although Kylo soon regretted his decision to acknowledge their greeting when he discovered what their purpose actually was.

Leia had decided it was time to find something more appropriate for her son to wear to the festivities that evening. The stark black uniform of the Supreme Leader would not do to persuade her guests that Kylo Ren was approachable as well as distinguished. Nor would his more recent slapdash attire convince them of his competency as an effective leader. The visitors from the Outer Rim planets needed to be impressed by their new ally without feeling intimidated.

Kylo regarded his mother in more than a little trepidation, remembering various ensembles from his childhood that she had seen fit to kit him out in. Before he had finally put his foot down and declared that he could choose his own clothing. He seemed to recall yellows or pale blues being particularly favoured colours for those charming little outfits, chosen to accentuate young Ben Solo’s black curls and olive complexion.

Kylo shuddered to think what his mother would consider suitable for her grown up son. And eyeing Lando’s latest cape of a particularly tangy hue of orange, he didn’t hold out much hope for support there either.

“Something smart, but soft,” mused Leia reflectively, sizing up her son.

“Velvet,” said Lando decisively. “I know the very thing. I have something in my closet we could get a seamstress to fix up so it will fit him nicely.”

Kylo groaned inwardly as his mother’s eyes lit up when Lando disclosed this already despised item was blue, but he allowed himself to be hauled off to Lando’s cruiser without raising any objections. He couldn’t bring himself to oppose his mother about something as insignificant in the grand scheme of things as his apparel. Not now. Not after the night before.

But _blue velvet!_

Maybe Hux’s taunt about being Mummy’s good little boy hadn’t been as absurd as it had seemed.

If Kylo had only known, a very similar set of circumstances was the reason for Rey’s absence from the dining hall. She and Rose had fallen foul of Jannah’s schemes almost as soon as they returned from their walk by the lake.

There was no point in being recalcitrant, according to Jannah. She had been appointed by Leia to transform her rather scruffy Resistance leaders into some semblance of refined sophistication. A market boasting fine wares of all kinds from all across the galaxy had been set up beside the castle, where everything they required could be found. No exceptions would be made for the Commander of the Engineering Corps or the last hope of the Jedi.

Jannah was surprised to encounter less opposition from Rey than she had anticipated.

There was a reason for that.

It had occurred to Rey that recently she seemed to be constantly going through a phase of firsts, and she could either continue to fruitlessly rail against it or embrace it with dignity. Her first foray into the feminine world of fashion on Kef-Bir had been confusing and even a little embarrassing, but this time she had a little more interest in what she was to wear.

Rey looked over the array of gowns on display with a wondering eye, remembering how strangely pleasant silky material had felt against her skin. Her eyes quickly passed shudderingly over anything of a reddish hue to settle on more peaceful shades of blues and greens.

This time _she_ would choose.

Jannah watched her touch the voluminous gauzy skirts of a green dress with reverent fingers.

“Try it on,” she said, slinging it off the hanger and draping it over Rey’s arm.

“I’m not sure,” said Rey.

She had no idea what the fabric was, but it was so delicate, so fine, she was pretty sure one wrong move would tear it. But it was so beautiful, and Rey didn’t have beautiful things. Not like this. It didn’t take much urging from Jannah and Rose to at least find out what it looked like on her.

It was only when Rey saw her own reflection that she realised what had drawn her to that particular dress. The deep green bodice was very pretty, tightly fitted, revealing brown arms and bare shoulders. But it was the wide frothy gossamer skirts that Rey loved, deep forest green gradually lightening to a grassy hue and growing paler and paler until it floated white as sea foam over her feet. It reminded her of the little saplings she had found by the lake.

“That’s the one,” said Rose and Rey was too bemused by this oddly pleasing vision of herself to raise any objections.

The rest of the afternoon passed in a bit of a blur. Poe and Finn found Rey and Rose as they bundled their purchases into bags and brought them for lunch to discuss the outcome of the morning’s meeting. And afterwards Rose dragged her off to the Tantive IV to prepare for the arrival of the delegates.

It appeared that like herself, Rose was a lot more interested in the prospect of dressing up than she had been previously. Rey couldn’t help but wonder if that had anything to do with Finn. She had noticed the two had resumed their more formal way of behaving towards each other and could only wonder what had caused it. Not for the first time, she considered approaching Finn to find out if she could resolve this matter. Particularly now that she knew first-hand just how delightful kissing could be. Rose deserved that happiness too.

And the thought of kissing brought her back to Kylo. Who she had said she would meet after his interview with Hux. Rey felt a little guilty, particularly because she couldn’t help but feel a small measure of relief that she was apart from him. It was all too confusing. She found she didn’t want to think about that.

Not yet.

And it was easy to be distracted. The last time Rey had worn a dress she had assumed that was the extent of dressing up. According to Jannah it was only the beginning.

There were shoes to replace her boots, mossy green velvet slippers with little heels and soles so light Rey didn’t really see the point in wearing them at all. Particularly as her boots needed no practice to wear. But they were ridiculously pretty. And there were perfumed creams and tinted balms to enhance the pink of her lips and sooty brushes to darken the blinking lengths of her eyelashes.

Even Leia got involved, brushing out Rey’s tangles into soft waves and braiding them loosely around her hairline before scooping it all into a carefully intricate soft knot at her neck.

“Beautiful,” said Leia, standing back to survey her handiwork. She was already dressed, elegantly regal in a deep purple gown. “I’d better go now. I have a couple of finishing touches to do elsewhere. Don’t take too long.”

“You do?” said Rose, who was still in her overalls, enduring the lengthy process of having her black locks curled by Jannah. “You look perfectly ready to me.”

“Not me,” said Leia. She smiled at Rey’s reflection in the mirror. “My son is a different matter. Lando might need a little help to coax him into what we’ve picked out for him.”

Rey flushed, her eyes shifting down to where her fingers plucked nervously at her layers of gauzy skirts.

Suddenly very, very curious about what Kylo Ren would look like, formally dressed for this occasion.

And very, very curious to know what _he_ would think when he saw her in her beautiful green sapling dress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of Rey and Kylo interaction, but I wanted to give them both time to think separately in the aftermath of the Resistance council meeting. As well as giving a little insight into Kylo's state of mind after Crait and how it has evolved since then.  
> And lay some more groundwork for Finn and Rose's story. 
> 
> There's another illustration up now in chapter 19, Rey and Kylo in the lake on Takodana
> 
> The dyad will be reunited in the next one, looking very glamorous!⭐⭐
> 
> Thanks again for the kind Kudos and comments!! I love them! 💖💖💖


	24. An Uneasy Alliance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance takes a stand, Leia has concerns, Kylo is disturbed by an unfamiliar emotion. And Rey is worried that she has come to a conclusion too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared for more confused emotions in this chapter as Kylo and Rey are forced to endure the formality of the Resistance's welcome of the Outer Rim delegates. And a lot of frustrated yearning!

Despite her increasing state of nervousness, Rey had found it a pleasant experience getting ready for the arrival of the Outer Rim delegates. This sort of new female camaraderie was still peculiar to Rey, so accustomed to dwelling on more serious matters, but it was something she was beginning to enjoy more and more. It was strangely nice to live in a world that purely consisted of lovely things and light-hearted stories. At least for a little while.

It had seemed frivolous, even ridiculous to Rey to spend time on her physical appearance before. But she was starting to realise that it wasn’t just hollow vanity that motivated people to dress up in pretty clothes. She had chosen something beautiful for herself, something that meant something special to her. Rey liked how it felt on her. She liked how it looked on her.

And it was exciting to see herself in this new, more flattering light. It was nice to be told by somebody else how nice she looked. It was nice to tell somebody else how nice they looked in return.

Their preparations ended up taking a little longer to get ready than Leia might have liked, but Rey had a feeling the general would approve, considering the results. If Finn’s face was anything to go by, the delay was definitely worth it.

As soon as they entered the great dining hall, his stunned look at Rose was enough to tell Rey that all of their preparations had not been in vain. She did look remarkably pretty, glossy raven curls cascading over one shoulder, silver embossed pink gown reflecting her sweet self-conscious blush. Rey stepped back to look around her, leaving Finn and Rose to their awkward greetings.

The assembly reminded her a little of the festival on Kef-Bir. If a lot more formal. But here, like then, the gathering consisted of so many new races and species she had never seen before, and she was struck anew by how far-reaching their cause was. Colourful banners and flags bearing emblems of the planets allied to the Resistance and the visiting representatives added to the festive atmosphere.

It was strange to see her Resistance comrades, unarmed and dressed so ceremoniously, mingling with the visiting dignitaries. Almost as if the war around them wasn’t even happening. Even Chewbacca’s soft pelt looked as though someone had been brave enough to run a brush through it.

Maybe this is what it will be like if we win, thought Rey wistfully.

She caught glimpses of the golden figure of Ce Threepio trotting to and fro, making himself useful. Followed closely by his faithful companion, Artoo Detoo, as he busily welcomed new arrivals and officiously interpreted conversations. Rey smiled and wandered on through the crowd, not letting herself think about who her restless eyes sought out.

The one person she couldn’t help but want to see. Despite her earlier, and indeed, still present state of trepidation.

And there he was, standing morosely beside the bar with Leia and Lando. Rey felt a little shock run through her, her smile fading from her face. She hadn’t quite realised just how accustomed she had become to seeing Kylo Ren in the baggy slightly crumpled tops that had replaced his high-necked padded tunic.

This Kylo Ren was something else entirely. Resplendent in a form-fitting midnight blue tunic matching his dark blue trousers with the yellow stripe. His unruly black curls combed into smooth glossy waves, as neat and shining as his high leather boots. The gold embroidered panels running down the front of his velvet tunic cinched in at the waist by his wide black leather belt over an open-necked collarless white shirt. White that glowed deliciously against the warm skin of his broad neck, browned from the Takodana sun, bringing his aquiline features into heightened contrast with plush pink lips and gleaming dark eyes.

He looked exactly like what Rey had always imagined a prince from a fairy tale should look like.

He is _gorgeous_ , she thought hopelessly. How could she not completely absolve herself for her recent digressions? What girl wouldn’t be tempted to stray a considerable distance from her moral code when presented with a vision like that? Why wasn’t the entire room staring at him in wonder?

Rey was pulled sharply out of her contemplation by a nudge in her ribs. She looked around to see Kaydel grinning at her and was further disconcerted by a provocative wink.

“The Supreme Leader scrubs up pretty good, doesn’t he?” said Kaydel with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

“I hadn’t noticed,” muttered a hot-faced Rey. “I was looking at Leia’s dress.”

“Sure you were,” agreed Kaydel glibly, “With your mouth hanging open.” When she received no answer beyond a flustered glare, she took pity on Rey. “Okay, I’ll stop. Rose sent me to find you. We saved you a seat at our table.”

Rey glanced over her shoulder to see the crowds being ushered towards the long wooden tables in the middle of the room and followed Kaydel to where Rose sat beside Finn and Poe. Denying herself a last backward glance at Kylo with a commendable surge of willpower.

Maz’s staff had outdone themselves, preparing a delectable array of fruits and meats and sweet pastries and pies chosen to please the varied palates of their guests. Rey’s stomach gurgled in anticipation just looking at it. She was about to take a seat, when Poe alerted her to Leia waving at their group to join her at the central table.

And then, as she threaded her way closer, she saw Kylo’s eyes rise to meet hers. Before they widened and dropped to take in her full attire.

She looked away, suddenly excruciatingly bashful, and took a seat between Rose and Poe. Very conscious of Kylo, seated beside his mother a little further up on the opposite side. Amidst the general greetings that followed, Rey’s eyes shied away from Kylo’s. Although her ever-attentive peripheral vision told her he was sitting upright and motionless, gripping a glass of wine. And even though Rey determinedly turned her nervous gaze on Rose, she would later have no recollection of what her friend had been talking about.

“She looks beautiful, doesn’t she?” said Leia to Kylo in a quiet, fond aside.

Kylo flushed, tearing his eyes away from Rey. She _did_ look beautiful, in a way that made his pulses race and his breath catch in his throat. But this sophisticated vision was also slightly unsettling, and he wanted to be free to stare at her. To find his Rey, the girl he knew, under that elegant hairstyle and beautiful gown. He had seen her dressed up before, in her red dress on Kef-Bir, but this was different. Then she had seemed almost like a completely different person. This did still look like Rey, albeit in a way he found vaguely daunting.

Leia looked up when he didn’t answer, to see her son chewing the inside of his lip, his cheeks flaming as his eyes darted uneasily away from hers. Her eyebrows lifted.

“Ben?”

He cleared his throat. “It’s warm,” he said shortly, pulling at the lapel of his velvet tunic.

It really wasn’t so very warm in the vast cool stone dining hall, but Kylo’s mother indulged him charitably. “I suppose it is,” she said with a hidden smile.

She saw Rey’s conversation with Rose end, and her eyes lift apprehensively to meet Kylo’s. And finally Leia had the answer to the question she had been asking herself.

Rey was smiling shyly, her face as flushed as Kylo’s as she nodded a breathless greeting. And even though he responded gruffly, Kylo couldn’t quite disguise the faltering smile that threatened to sweep across his face. They both looked away almost immediately, but that small moment was enough to confirm Leia’s suspicions.

It had been a very long time since Leia had let herself imagine her boy’s future, beyond a hope that he would one day return to her. Return to the Light. Now she was imagining what that future could hold and she was dismayed to find herself uneasy. Something was happening between Ben and Rey; she had already guessed so much. It had pleased her then.

But now she couldn’t help but feel a measure of disquiet about it, knowing the volatile nature of her son. He had always felt things too deeply. That hadn’t changed. Leia tried to wrench her mind away from the night before in the Millennium Falcon, for fear she would lose her composure in front of her guests. But it was difficult not to dwell on an event she had pictured happening over and over again in her mind for so many years.

How bittersweet it had been to be back there on Han’s battered old freighter with Ben. How strange it had been to see how little he had changed amongst the many ways he had been altered in the time since they had last met. It seemed to Leia that in some respects he had reverted back to those days before he had become the sullen, brooding adolescent who tried to hide his turmoil from his concerned mother.

The Ben she had encountered in the Falcon had no defences, no disguises, no excuses. He was almost the son she remembered as a little boy, the one who had been instantly and whole-heartedly remorseful for his tantrums. As if he too were bewildered and shocked by his own violence and fury. He might have been more restrained than the frantically sobbing child she had once held in her arms, but his misery was all the more distressing because now he sought no comfort. Or forgiveness. As if he didn’t expect or deserve either from her. Leia still wasn’t sure if he had been able to accept that she offered both unconditionally.

It was upsetting to realise that Ben didn’t understand how love worked. That his mind had been so warped by Snoke that he couldn’t comprehend it was something that couldn’t be destroyed beyond salvation. She hadn’t asked him much about his time with Snoke, he had recoiled from the mere mention of his name. It was what he didn’t say that painted a picture of how his life had been. And Leia’s heart wept for the boy who had placed his trust in somebody who had shattered his young soul into pieces and bound the broken shards back together in fear and anger.

That fear and anger that still existed, even as he had sat cowed and submissive before her. That last barrier she couldn’t break through. And Leia had been too apprehensive to prod too persistently at that barrier. All too aware that some of that anger shoring it up was in all likelihood reserved for her.

But he wasn’t ready to admit it and Leia wasn’t ready to deal with it. Not yet. She was only beginning to get to know who Ben Solo was now. He might not wear Kylo Ren’s helmet anymore, but the mask still remained. An armour he had wrapped around his soul for so long it had become a part of him.

And yet Ben Solo’s spirit had survived, somewhere underneath, all this time. He might not appreciate it, but Leia knew what strength that must have taken, what defiance must have burned in his heart to combat such darkness. She could only hope there would still be time to undo the damage wreaked by Snoke’s guidance. That Ben wouldn’t be doomed to pay for his mistakes interminably.

Leia glanced over at Rey, who was hitching up the neckline of her dress self-consciously. That sweet brave girl deserved joy in her life too. Although Leia’s own family’s past made her all too aware that romance and the Jedi did not have a happy history.

She pushed those gloomy thoughts aside. History was something that was constantly evolving. Maybe there was still time to make some changes. Luke had been wary of such involvements, understandable given their family history, but he had led a lonely life. One she did not wish for Rey, who had already endured enough loneliness in her lifetime. And it was definitely not a life she desired for her son.

Leia rallied herself. She could not have predicted a few years ago that her son would be sitting here, by her side. This was enough for now. The Force had brought him back to her and brought Rey to him. She needed to have faith that the Force knew what it was doing.

Dinner was a formal affair. Rey had been prepared for that, but still felt rather gauche, trying food she had never even seen before. She was thankful to be seated between Rose and Poe, who kindly and discreetly instructed her on which forks to use and when. All of it was so complicated that Rey was almost too absorbed in observing the social niceties to spare too many thoughts on Kylo. Not that there had been any opportunity for any real communication anyway.

He had been caught up in the middle of a conversation between his mother on one side and Commander D’Acy on the other for the entire meal so far. And he was making no attempts to communicate with her, apart from throwing her the occasional furtive glance.

It was frustrating that he was so close, yet so unreachable. Not that Rey was quite sure what she wanted to say to him, never mind what she wanted to hear in return. But the longer they spent unable to connect, the more muddled her thoughts seemed to become.

Rey’s thoughts grew even more muddled towards the end of the meal when the speeches began. The issue of Leia’s son’s presence at her side had to be addressed and Rey squirmed for him as his mother broached the subject. There was no mistaking the audible gasps in the room when Kylo Ren’s identity as Ben Solo was disclosed, and Rey was unable to prevent herself from peeking around apprehensively to see what effect Leia’s revelation was having on the assembly.

It was difficult to ascertain how persuaded their visitors were by her words. All eyes were certainly fixed on her son, but it was hard to read any emotion other than shock in them. It must have been even more difficult for anyone who didn’t know him to read how Kylo Ren was handling it. He refused to betray any emotion, staring stonily ahead.

But Rey could recognise the little tell-tale signs of the turmoil simmering beneath his rigid exterior, and she could only be relieved when the focus of the speech moved on to Palpatine and the existence of the Final Order. Kylo’s broad velvet shoulders appeared to relax a little, although Rey noticed that the food on his plate remained more or less uneaten.

Kylo had long since lost all taste for the exquisite delicacies set before him, too conscious that he was the object of so much attention. He fixed his eyes on a banner of one of the visiting republics on the far wall, aware of his mother poker straight by his side. Not wanting to know what must be passing through her mind as she delivered her carefully prepared address.

She had sounded as deliberate and self-possessed as ever when she had emphasised the advantages of allying themselves with the First Order. The value of having another Force-wielder to support Rey in her mission to rid the galaxy of Palpatine’s threat, but Kylo could only hear excuses.

Excuses for why her son had returned to her. Excuses for why he had left her in the first place. She made no mention of the part he played in the death of Han Solo, but it could not have been far from her thoughts as she wrote her speech.

And now he couldn’t help but remember the night before when she had tearfully told him her husband had truly fulfilled his promise to bring her son back to her. That his sacrifice was one he had willingly made. That this sacrifice had been the turning point in Kylo’s path. She had felt it through the Force.

But Kylo couldn’t believe that she had meant it. He couldn’t believe anyone could find any sort of positive outcome from a father’s demise at his son’s hand.

Just as he couldn’t believe what she had said when he had tried to dissuade her from adding his father’s striped trousers to his attire this evening. His guilt had mounted unbearably, watching her eyes mist over as she exchanged a glance with Lando, and Kylo had been a little too abrupt in his panicked objections.

But Leia had insisted that he had earned that yellow stripe of valour. He had killed Snoke. He had saved Rey. And Kylo had buckled and acquiesced, too sick with remorse to challenge her any longer. Permitting his mother to dress him however she liked was the least he could do in atonement for what he had put her through. Even if that did happen to be in brocaded blue velvet.

That sick feeling hadn’t quite faded and surged back all too quickly when she had stood up to utter her opening remarks. What mother would want such a son returned to her? Especially now, when she already had a replacement primed and ready to fill his shoes. Kylo’s gaze turned to Poe Dameron seated beside Rey.

Poe Dameron, who had been glued to his mother’s side ever since the arrival of the Resistance on Takodana. Best pilot in the Resistance like her husband had been thirty years before in the Rebel Alliance. Confident, outgoing, and reckless like Han Solo. Brave, principled, and loyal, like any good son should be.

Poe Dameron, who had been whispering in Rey’s ear throughout this entire accursed meal.

Kylo slid his hands under the table to hide his clenched fists, trying to focus on his nails digging into his palms rather than letting his resentment show on his face. He saw Poe smile at Rey as she finally set down her utensils to sit back, whooshing out her cheeks and patting her stomach in a rueful little mime to show how full she was. It was such a familiar smile, like many he must have given her over the past year. _He_ wasn’t overwhelmed with unworthiness when faced with this radiantly lovely Rey in her beautiful new gown. He had probably seen her in many like it before.

Kylo gritted his teeth, imagining all the conversations they must have had. Not tense conversations or contentious ones like those she had with Kylo for so long. They would have been relaxed conversations, laughing, happily at ease in each other’s company.

And serious conversations as they plotted against Kylo Ren and the First Order.

And sad ones. Had Poe been there for Rey after Crait? After Starkiller Base? Had he comforted her after Han’s death?

Had he comforted his mother? Had he taken Leia’s son’s place, holding his mother’s hand? Had his mother wished that Poe Dameron, not Ben Solo, had been her son instead? Was she proud of him, like she couldn’t be of Kylo Ren?

Kylo’s bitterness boiled inside him until his whole body felt as taut and clenched as his fists. Even more so because he knew he shouldn’t hate Poe Dameron for being what Leia’s son should have been. He shouldn’t hate him for being Rey’s friend when he knew just how lonely she had been.

Kylo turned his gaze down to his untouched plate rather than look at Poe Dameron’s insufferably smug face for one more second. Even if Palpatine stood before him right now, he had the lowering feeling that he would rather push him aside so he could murder Poe Dameron instead.

Rey, who had rashly indulged a little too much during the early courses of the meal, was too emotionally drained and full to make sense of her turbulent thoughts any more. They were too muddied with emotion, too mixed up with the tensions of the political drama unfolding around her.

But her eyes couldn’t help but drift towards the subject of all of that torturous conflict. And Rey could only hold out for so long before she gave up fighting this impulse and surrendered, allowing herself the luxury of a covert examination of Kylo Ren in blue velvet.

It was infinitely nicer to leave her troubles aside and reflect on just how good he looked in his new apparel instead. Even if his dark eyes were looking so thunderously at his full plate, it was a miracle that exotic repast didn’t shrivel up and wither under their combined concentrated glare.

It was very interesting to see Kylo Ren in something other than black or grey. Blue definitely suited him, Rey decided. It wasn’t long before she was pleasurably engaged in mentally dressing him experimentally in other colours. Before that dressing inevitably became reversed in her mind.

Her heart jumped as he glanced over and held her gaze, his angry eyes boring into hers. He is so ridiculously beautiful, Rey thought, unable to look away. Letting her reservations and caution slip for the briefest moment to shoot him the tiniest smile.

His eyes widened and softened, the sides of his mouth tucking in ever so slightly and Rey tingled all over as their gazes tangled together deliciously. Until she suddenly became aware of other eyes upon her and glanced over to see General Organa watching her. And was caught in a terrible staring triangle that shifted when General Organa’s gaze moved to her son’s face.

Kylo averted his eyes quickly, raising his glass to take a gulp of wine. And Rey, her heart pounding, hastily focused on Major Ematt, who was delivering a rousing speech about the gruelling hardships of life under Palpatine’s regime. She fixed him with a rapt gaze.

Any interested observer from then on would have assumed that the Supreme Leader of the First Order and the young Jedi from Jakku were the most incredibly attentive guests present.

After the speeches, the long tables were pushed back towards the sides of the room to allow for freer movement, and now the guests were able to mingle with members of the Resistance. This was the part Rey had dreaded.

This was the part she always dreaded. The last of the Jedi shunted before prospective allies like some sort of mystical talisman against the forces of evil. At least now she was more adept at answering the inevitable questions about the legendary Luke Skywalker, the Force, and her abilities. But now these questions involved Palpatine and Kylo Ren, which made them a little trickier. Although strangely, having Kylo Ren around made Rey’s load a lot lighter than she had anticipated.

The visiting dignitaries might be fearful, but they were far more fascinated by the unexpected presence of a powerful political figure who was also revealed to be a Skywalker, than a Force user who had been unheard of a year ago. Rey was grateful to fade as discreetly as she could into the background, although she couldn’t help but watch Kylo for any signs of non-compliance. Just because he had agreed to play his part, didn’t mean he was enjoying it. But thankfully, his aloof demeanour seemed to impress their visitors more than it alienated them.

The differences in their upbringing and lives to date had never been more apparent to Rey. She had been worried that Kylo’s passionate nature would betray him, but she hadn’t reckoned on his years of servitude under the reign of Supreme Leader Snoke.

It was sometimes strange to remember that when first she met him, he had been going through one of the biggest upheavals in his life. And that she had never really known him as the compliant apprentice he had been. Or at least he had rarely appeared that way to her. That was a Kylo she had only caught glimpses of in his mind, or during that brief experience on the Supremacy. And even then, that compliance had been a mask to hide his true intentions.

She had also forgotten his childhood before that had been spent in Leia’s entourage amongst the galaxy’s elite on the political circuit. Kylo might resent having to assume the role he had adopted but he was more than able to hide it under a veil of indifference. His mother had been a princess after all. And a senator and a general after that. This was the world he had grown up in.

All the same, Kylo looked unlike any bureaucrat she had ever met. He might look like a prince, but his dark restlessness reminded her also of some exotic but ferocious wild beast, unwillingly schooled to tolerate the fussing and attention of the fascinated guests. She couldn’t blame them. Rey knew all too well what it was like to be mesmerised by that barely concealed restraint.

Excited by the hunger in those dark eyes. Excited by the possibility of that rigid control slipping.

Although it was possible that she was thinking about Kylo Ren under very different circumstances.

Rey felt a flush creep up her cheeks at quite specific memories as she watched him lean down to catch what the quartermaster, Lieutenant Chireen was saying. Those big pink lips that had kissed her constricting in a strained smile as he was introduced to yet another consortium leader. That big hand that had caressed her so excitingly, practically engulfing his delicate glass in his careful grip.

Even if she hadn’t recently found out more about Kylo Ren than she had any other man, he was so tall, so vital, so different from everyone around him, that Rey’s heart twisted in her chest. Feeling again that tight clenching ache within her, that was becoming a habitual sensation whenever she was in his vicinity.

She jumped as a hand came to rest gently on her arm. “Leia!”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” said Leia. “How do you think it’s going?”

“I’m not sure,” said Rey hesitantly. “Everyone I’ve spoken to _seems_ interested, but -”

“They’re not convinced about the First Order,” finished Leia for her. She looked over at her son sadly. “He can’t stay here. The First Order have to show their commitment to fighting Palpatine and allying themselves with us to the galaxy.”

“He can’t leave yet,” said Rey quickly. “We have to find that place Maz told us about.”

“But after that he must go,” said Leia. “We can’t lose any more support over this.”

And now Rey’s own anxiety subsided under a surge of pity. She was being selfish. Losing her son so soon after their reunion had to be a much worse prospect for his mother to bear than it was for her.

“He will come back,” she said.

“I need to believe that,” said Leia. “But I let him go before, and I didn’t see him again for so long.”

“It’s different now,” said Rey firmly, and was surprised to find that she believed that herself. She saw Leia’s eyes turn to look curiously at her and suddenly felt horribly presumptuous. She hadn’t been there when Ben Solo had left his uncle’s training temple after it was razed to the ground. She hadn’t endured the pain his mother had felt for so many agonising years on end.

“I mean, he’s not under Snoke’s influence anymore,” she said. “He’s free to make his own decisions.” Rey saw Leia smile and felt a little better. “And it’s not like he wants to go,” she added.

“You don’t want him to go,” said Leia softly and Rey blinked at her, because there was no question there, just a sort of despondent wistfulness that tugged at Rey’s heart. Kylo’s mother deserved an honest response.

“No,” she answered quietly.

“That makes two of us.” Leia’s hand clasped hers. “But sometimes sacrifices have to be made to make things right. This will be one of those. We’ll ask Maz about this place and go tomorrow. Then he’ll have to leave. I can’t see any other way. If I could, I’d take it, believe me.”

She was right and Rey knew it, even though she couldn’t help remembering the advice they had received from Kylo’s forebears. They should be together until all of this was over. But it wasn’t as if she could go with him. How could Kylo be given any credence with Snoke’s alleged murderer by his side?

When Maz was approached with this proposal she was all too willing to acquiesce. A little _too_ willing, thought Rey balefully, who suspected she was glad of the opportunity to rid her planet of the Supreme Leader’s divisive presence.

Contrarily, that was the thought that made Rey decide to put to one side all of her anxious deliberations that day.

Yes, Kylo’s affiliation to the First Order was something that should not be overlooked. Nor should she ignore his own doubts about what his future held. And all of those new encounters with Kylo were much too different from anything she had ever experienced before, for her to be sure of anything.

But Rey, abruptly facing the prospect of not seeing Kylo for an indeterminate amount of time, was suddenly very aware that she had spent far too long worrying about all of it. He was still here. Maybe only for one more night, and she had wasted almost a whole day not being with him. She could reconsider everything and try to make sense of it tomorrow.

She had waited too long. Almost before the first shouts of terror reached her ears, or the sudden bustle of the crowd drew her eyes, Rey knew something was wrong.

 _No, no, no, no_ , clamoured her mind as she fought against the tide of people surging away from the back of the hall, Anakin’s warning ringing deafeningly in her ears.

_Don’t let me be too late. Don’t let me lose him. Please, please, please._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger! An action-packed chapter ahead, and also (finally!) a resolution to Rey's qualms about her feelings for Kylo.
> 
> It was a bit of a introspective chapter, because I wanted Rey to work through her feelings, and also to give some insight into how Leia and Kylo were feeling in the aftermath of their reunion. They still have some things to work through later on. 
> 
> I also couldn't resist making Kylo jealous of Poe! It would seem very likely to me, given that he's Leia's golden boy. But obviously, that's all in poor Kylo's head. And much as I like Poe, it always annoyed me that he was kind of portrayed as a son replacement. He won't be in this!
> 
> Thanks again for the Kudos and comments! I treasure them! 💖💖 There's a new illustration up in Chapter 17. Something Old, Something New... for anyone who'd like to see it - The first kiss on the Falcon!


	25. Uprising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unwelcome interruption wreaks havoc for the Resistance, Rey’s anxieties come to a head and the dyad acquire some new skills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for frights, violence and tears and *spoiler alert* a little bit of smuttiness in the latter half of the chapter!

Hux stood at the entrance to the cellars.

Blaster in hand and surrounded by the armed stormtroopers who had arrived in the carrier with him on Ajan Kloss. The guests had fallen back, but not far enough for safety, their exit blocked by the crowd amassed behind them.

Leia heard Rey’s little gasp of horror and saw her lift her skirts to burrow a passage through the throng in front of her. Until she was swallowed up by the packed horde of frightened dignitaries. Leia looked around, seeing Snap Wexley and Kaydel Ko Connix weaving their way towards her.

“Get them out,” she hissed. “Clear this room.”

“We have no weapons,” said Snap urgently. “How are we supposed to -?”

“We have Rey,” interrupted Leia, striving to keep her voice calm. “And Ben.”

“Ben?” Snap stared at her. “Who do you think let them out? And armed them?”

Maz looked up to see the general’s face whiten and pushed Snap’s lower back to move him away. “Get as many as you can to the exits,” she commanded. “Keep it orderly. Kaydel can start the fall back here.”

Kaydel nodded and then teetered, shoved aside by Poe charging forward past her. She grabbed his arm to swing him around.

“Stay with her,” she whispered into his ear before she moved off.

Poe paused indecisively for a moment before nodding grimly and moving to Leia’s side.

“Where is Kylo Ren?” barked Hux, training his blaster on the front row of the crowd before him. He ignored the ensuing screams, scouring the room over their heads.

“Show yourself, Ren! Show yourself, or I’ll kill every last person here!”

“I’m here.”

Kylo shouldered his way forward, and Hux took a step back into the safety of his line of stormtroopers. He glanced over him for his lightsaber, and seeing it wasn’t there, returned his eyes to Kylo’s face triumphantly.

But that exultant look was wiped from his face as Finn hurtled forward, swinging a Takodana emblem flag in a wide arc.

“Fire!” Hux roared, just as he was doubled over by the sturdy wooden pole slamming into his gut, skittering his blaster to the side.

“No!”

Rose shoved her way out of the crowd, barging Finn and stumbling them both over the floor. Collapsing in a heap into the legs of a shrieking group beside the bar.

The closest stormtroopers refocused their weapons on them as they struggled to sit up. And then staggered backwards as their F-11D blasters were wrenched free of their hold.

“Stop!” commanded Kylo, hand aloft, reaching out to suspend the blasters higher, out of their reach.

The other stormtroopers wavered, their weapons now trained on Kylo, and looked to Hux as he straightened up cursing. He glanced around at them in furious panic, suffused face clashing with his red hair.

“Fire!” he screamed.

They raised their blasters uncertainly just as Kylo’s hand thrust forward suddenly, smashing the airborne guns into the helmets of the closest troopers.

They fell back, clattering into the wall behind them. Kylo’s glittering dark eyes surveyed the remaining five.

“I wouldn’t,” he said, his deep voice menacingly quiet.

“What’s wrong with you? Fire!” Hux tugged a blaster out of a trooper’s lax grip and lunged forward, pulling the trigger point-blank in Kylo’s face.

The laser blast never reached Kylo, trapped sizzling in the air before his nose.

“Hey,” said Rey breathlessly, appearing at his shoulder.

She flicked her wrist, and the blast was flung harmlessly into the ceiling, showering them both with a sprinkle of stone dust.

Kylo’s breath released in a sharp gust.

“Hey,” he replied with a quick little grin, and strode forward to twist a fistful of tunic under the general’s gaping mouth. He lifted a stunned Hux clear off the floor and shook him. And had the malicious satisfaction of hearing teeth rattle.

“Drop your weapons!” growled Finn, emerging with Rose from behind the hapless huddle of stormtroopers. Two of the blasters that had been launched as assault missiles by Kylo in their hands. BB-8 rolled importantly out from between the legs of the assembled crowd, his welding torch sparking and fizzing.

The stormtroopers looked at their fallen comrades, to their general being shaken like a womp rat in the clutches of a krayt dragon and gave up. The remaining guns clattered to the ground amid a flurry of sighs and cries of relief from the shocked crowd.

“I think you can drop him now, Ben.” Leia moved forward to touch her son’s shoulder.

He glanced around at her and turned back to Hux, extending his arm so the general flailed higher in the air, his boots dangling over two feet off the ground.

“Ben,” said Leia quietly.

And this combined with the sudden hush of the crowd broke through the vengeful rage seething inside him.

Mostly. Kylo’s lips tightened before he swung his arm down in an overhand sweep to slam Hux’s body with considerable force into the stone flags below. Hux lay prone on his back for a moment, before writhing feebly in an attempt to wheeze air into his startled lungs. Kylo stood back, meeting his mother’s eyes a little warily.

“I dropped him,” he said with an insouciant shrug that was softened by a little sheepish grimace, and saw her fail to hide a smile behind a reproving look.

“We can’t find out how a dead man got loose,” she said pragmatically.

“He’s alive,” Kylo assured her. He leaned over Hux. “How did you get out?”

“We have spies.” Hux’s face contorted in pain. “Everywhere.”

There was a sudden sway in the crowd and Chewbacca stepped forward, dragging a man in a red and silver military dress uniform. Poe joined them.

“This one was trying to escape,” he said, as Chewie deposited the man on the ground beside Hux. “One of our friends from Felucia.”

Kylo stepped back, looking around him to see Rey. Eyes glowing, sophisticated hair knot lopsided, the filmy skirts of her pretty dress torn from her precipitous scramble through the crowd. He moved to her side. His mother could deal with this from here.

“You saved my life,” he murmured.

Rey smiled back breathlessly. “I did owe you one.” Her smile crumbled a little, her eyes filling. “I thought I was too late.”

Kylo’s heart clenched, wishing more than anything they were alone, and he could pull her into his arms. “You weren’t.”

His attention was drawn away by a tap on his elbow and he turned reluctantly to find Rose and Finn.

“What you did…” Finn broke off and Rose looked at him, waiting. When he didn’t look as if he was going to continue, she finished for him.

“What he wants to say is thank you,” she said earnestly. “If it weren’t for you, I don’t think we’d be standing here. Either of us.”

Kylo’s brows rose and then descended. He shook his head. “Not sure I would be either if it weren’t for the two of you.”

Finn nodded curtly. His eyes flickered to Rey’s tearful ones and he shot her a fleeting uncomfortable smile, before raising his gaze to Kylo.

“All the same…” He left his sentence hanging, substituting the words with a soft solid thump into Kylo’s chest, before sliding his arm into Rose’s elbow to walk them away.

Rey heard him tell Rose that she had to stop crashing into him. And her telling him that she would, when he stopped doing stupid reckless things.

Rey looked up to see Kylo watching them leave, his brow knit as if he couldn’t quite believe what had just happened. She couldn’t quite believe it herself, and now that her adrenalin had ebbed it was all suddenly too much. She looked away, horribly aware of tears threatening to spill over. It wouldn’t do for their new allies to see Luke Skywalker’s protégée crying because she had thought for too many dreadful seconds that the Supreme Leader was going to die.

She blinked her eyes rapidly and edged back out of the crowd. Finding her way almost by instinct to the mouth of the stairs leading down to the chamber where she had found Luke’s lightsaber.

“Rey!” said Kylo from behind her as she reached the bottom.

Rey stopped when she was confronted by a large metal door at the end of the dark corridor.

“This is where I found the lightsaber,” she said stiffly.

“Okay,” said Kylo. He sounded concerned but Rey couldn’t bring herself to turn and face him.

“It opened last time,” she said.

“It doesn’t seem to want to now,” said Kylo, a little bemused. “Rey, are you okay? Why are we down here?”

“I was talking to your mother. She and Maz want to go to the Temple tomorrow.” She added in a quieter voice; “Before you go back to the First Order.”

“Oh,” said Kylo.

Rey looked down at her feet, her vision clearing as one tear followed by another splashed onto her mossy green shoe. She gulped, clenching her eyes shut, willing back any further tears. She would not cry. “I don’t want you to go.”

Kylo didn’t know how to answer that. He dragged her towards him and felt her face turn to bury her nose in his tunic, her arms rising to circle around his waist. “We don’t have to think about this right now.”

He looked around him to distract them both, unable to bear the tension in Rey’s hug and not willing to dwell on his imminent departure either. “So, this was where you found the saber? I wondered what Maz meant when she brought it up before. She had it?”

“I don’t know how,” said Rey in a stifled voice from the depths of his velvet chest. “I didn’t think to ask. I had other things on my mind. It was the first time I had a Force Vision.”

“You did? What did you see?”

Rey moved back a little, and Kylo was relieved not to find the tears he had expected to see in her eyes.

“Lots of things. Voices. My parents leaving me on Jakku. You, and a group of men in armour.”

“The Knights of Ren,” said Kylo and added a little fearfully. “What was I doing?”

Rey’s throat constricted, her eyes flicking up to his before looking down again. “You killed someone. There were dead bodies everywhere.”

Kylo was silent. This distraction from the sobering nature of their circumstances wasn’t exactly working out as he had intended. That vision could have been any number of incidents, but he doubted Rey would want to hear that. And he certainly didn’t want to ask her for any more details to clarify things further. A furtive glance told him she wasn’t looking to him for illumination, apparently lost in thoughts of her own.

“And then I ran out into the forest, where I met you,” she said, moving closer to lean her forehead under his collarbone. This was certainly not what he expected, and he didn’t know how to respond to her, too grateful that she was letting him fold her once more into his arms.

“I want to go back to the Falcon,” came a little voice from his shoulder.

“With me?” said Kylo and received a nod in return.

The room above was bright and noisy in contrast to the cool silence of the cellars. Any number of guests and members of the Resistance attempted to speak to them as they passed through it, skirting along the edges of the crowd. But Rey’s averted eyes and, more likely, Kylo’s forbidding countenance deterred them. It wasn’t long before they found themselves outside, walking down the steep stone steps into the still, warm air towards the freighter.

Rey didn’t know what to say when they finally entered the Falcon. There was so much to say, but forming the words seemed impossible. She wanted to tell him she was afraid.

She was afraid that he would go away and never come back. She was afraid he couldn’t be who she needed him to be. She was afraid that he would betray her. She was afraid of her own feelings. She was afraid of what they might discover at the Jedi Temple in the forest. She was afraid of Palpatine and what he might do to them.

But this was to be their last night for who knew how long, and Rey couldn’t bring herself to attempt to say any of it.

She didn’t want to be afraid. She didn’t want to be sad.

Not yet.

This time Rey didn’t wait until they got into their bunk. The moment they entered the main hold she kissed Kylo straight away, holding his head tenderly between her hands. And this time she didn’t pretend to herself that their kisses were just harmless kisses that served no other purpose than comfort. Or curiosity.

She wanted Kylo to push her up against the back of the lounge seat. She wanted him to wedge his knee between hers to hold her in place so he could kiss her as urgently as he wanted to. As urgently as she wanted him to.

She wanted him to tell her how beautiful she looked in her gauzy green dress as much as she wanted to tell him how handsome he was in blue velvet. She wanted to feel his lips on her neck as much as she wanted to curl her fingers into his glossy black curls.

When their bodies pushed together in tortured desire, Rey didn’t wonder why she wanted to be closer, or why she wanted to touch him. She knew why and she knew what he needed her to do to bring him pleasure.

Rey slid her hand down between them and smothered Kylo’s surprised gasp with a kiss, her heart aching as he was rendered suddenly immobile when she touched him over the straining fastenings of his trousers. He shouldn’t have to restrain himself with her. She shouldn’t have to restrain herself with him.

A little moan was stifled into her lips as her fingers undid his fastenings. His mouth stifling a little gasp of her own as her hand slid under the waistband of his shorts to touch unexpectedly beautiful silken skin over a hard heat that warmed her palm and burned only for her.

The other half of her dyad. And if his desires were the same as her own, she knew that Kylo would want to please her too. As much as she wanted him to.

Rey ceased her exploration to take his hand from her waist and moved back to hoist herself up onto the bunk behind the seat. Excited by how eagerly he clambered over her to lie beside her. She gazed into the inky blackness of his eyes, seeing the longing there she knew he must see in hers.

And if he couldn’t, he soon would. Because this time Rey would not pretend that the pleasure they had found that morning had happened purely by accident.

She held his gaze, gathering up her skirts before bringing his resistless hand underneath them. Kylo’s eyes flitted down and then up from her skirt to her eyes, and her nervous little smile answered the apprehensive hope she saw there.

 _Don’t be afraid. I feel it too_.

She kissed him again, more determinedly now, her fingers guiding his higher until they rested on the inside of her thigh. And then moved back to see his eyes flicker as she raised her hips to slide her underwear down a little, before taking his hand again. Saw his sudden exhale shake his lips as the pads of his fingers touched the soft skin underneath.

This is what I want, she thought as his dark eyes stared into hers in disbelief. Stroking his fingers until they moved.

So tentatively at first. So carefully soft, so shiveringly gentle, Rey’s heart trembled with every touch. Shocked by how sensitive she was to every little movement. Shocked by how wide his eyes were, searching hers for guidance as her hand left his.

Kylo wanted to please her just as much as she wanted to please him. How lovely that was. How heartbreakingly _sweet_ that was. Rey’s eyes stung, her lips tilting up at the edges on a shivering intake of breath, and saw him breathe out on the most wavering, incredulous smile in return.

And when he touched her again, a finger slipped back further, deeper, and she felt the strangest sensation. One that shot her eyes wide open and sent her leg flying up to fling her thigh over his. Caused Kylo to catch his breath, catch his bottom lip between his teeth. She pressed her forehead to his, barely breathing as that finger slid deeper. Unsure if the thrill she felt rush through her body was the result of what Kylo was doing, or that _look_ on his face as he gazed into her eyes.

So strange and beautiful. Like she was melting, melting all around him.

Too beautiful. Rey couldn’t bear it, couldn’t bear him to see it in her eyes. She scrambled closer to kiss him, prompting him to continue with eager little urges of her leg clamped around his. Folding her fingers around him again, desperate to give him the pleasure he was giving her.

This is what I want, she wanted to tell him, as his touches grew in confidence with each little sound that sighed from her lips, with each caress of her hand. As their investigations became more breathless, their gentle ministrations intensifying enthusiastically, encouraged by ardent kisses, and quickened by fervent gasps.

She wanted him to lose every last vestige of his restraint. Push himself into her willing clasp as much as she wanted to open herself up to him, to learn just how far his deepening touches could take her to unforeseen new heights of excitement.

How heavenly it was to give him pleasure, how heavenly it was to receive it in return! How _exciting_ it was to discover that their already thrillingly intuitive bond extended to this also… these _things_ they were doing. How instinctive it was. Every ardent stroke of her hand answered by slippery plunges deep into that dark mysterious place she had no idea could elicit such shocking jolts of pleasure. How could she have ever known without Kylo’s clever wonderful fingers to teach her?

Because nothing, _nothing_ had ever felt like this.

Rey was tempted to reach out with her mind to feel what he was feeling, before stopping herself. There was no need. Kylo’s hot sweaty cheek pressed against her own and his rapturous noises buried into her hair told her he was experiencing the same joys she was.

She wanted him to muffle her name into her skin. She wanted to feel the hardness of his teeth behind the softness of his lips. To feel the accidental sharp dig of a wolfish incisor on her shoulder just as much as she wanted to taste the salty sweat dampening his brow. Claw at the soft velvet on his back, tug at his messy locks to bring his lips back to hers.

Because she wanted more than anything for her kisses to show him her pleasure. Just as much as she wanted them to show how much she welcomed his.

Her big bad Kylo Ren. Her sweet soft Ben Solo.

Both given over to her so completely. So desperately. So trustingly. To hold in the palm of her hand.

And then she couldn’t see him because her eyes closed on a wave of emotion so intense that it overwhelmed her, blinded her, deafened her. Barely conscious of Kylo’s entire body stiffening, before shuddering and straining against her as she sobbed into his lips.

Because now Rey could not stop herself from sobbing out all of her heart’s new hidden fears, diving her face into his shoulder. Because it was only now she truly understood them.

This was where she belonged. Here with him. And she had only just realised that the belonging she had craved for so long brought with it its own special pain. Her fears now were not that she would never find the happiness truly belonging could bring, but that she would lose it.

After finding it. At last.

Kylo was still as he held her shaking body to him. Rey was crying, in great heaving sobs, her tears soaking into his tunic, and his fuzzy mind raced in dread.

What had he done that was so awful? Had he hurt her? He fought back horrified tears of his own, trying to remember if she had winced or cried out in pain under his stupid clumsy fingers. She _had_ made sounds and little jerking movements, but he had flattered himself in his own fevered mind that they had been enthusiastic responses to his touches.

Stupid. _Stupid!_

His eyes clenched shut. She regretted what she had done. What she had let him do to her. Of course she did.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Rey’s head shot up, her lips crushing his in a long fervent wet kiss. Her fingers pushed through his hair to hold his head close, as her lips left his to kiss his cheek, his nose, his eyelid. She moved back to give him a wavering drowned smile and swallowed.

“Don’t be sorry,” she said in a watery attempt to sound firm.

“But…” said Kylo, torn between relief and residual fear. He touched the tears on her cheek rather than say the words _you’re crying_.

“I’m just afraid.” She shook her head, a frown mixing in with her smile. “I’m afraid you won’t come back.” Her nose wrinkled in her effort to explain herself without crying again. “We’ve just started. All _this_.”

Kylo heard the hopeless little note in her voice and his heart thumped painfully. “I’m coming back.”

“But you said…” Rey stopped, not wanting to continue. But she had to. She had to know. “Before we got to Jakku. You asked me how I thought all of this would end.”

Kylo stared at her, knowing what she wanted him to say. She wanted him to tell her it would all be okay. That they would defeat Palpatine and live happily ever after.

How could he tell her that if he didn’t believe it? How could he tell her that he had already got more than he had ever expected to? Much, much more than he ever deserved.

But Rey deserved more.

“It’ll end like this,” he said huskily, and Kylo was shocked by how much he wanted to believe it now that those sparse words were spoken aloud. He heard Rey’s surprised intake of breath, saw a smile tremble to her lips and pulled her into a kiss, his arms tightening around her, trying to tell her with kisses what he couldn’t say with words.

He wanted to make her happy. If making her happy involved him being with her, he wanted it so badly it hurt. _He_ wanted to be happy.

Kylo’s kisses faltered for a moment as he tested out that last unfamiliar thought in his mind, and hope blossomed through his fear.

He wanted to be happy.

He felt Rey’s hand clutch the collar of his tunic and felt swamped and giddy and crushed all at once, spurring him to kiss her more fiercely than before.

Kylo knew his splintered bitter heart was not capable of love, but surely this was what it must feel like. Wanting to hold someone so tight and close and never let go. Wanting to let that restless need spill over until it consumed everything else. Wanting to claim every part of another for yourself. Wanting to relinquish every part of yourself to the other.

Their kisses had gotten to that feverish stage, where breaths were suspended in gasps and clothes were being fumbled aside and limbs were scuffling to arrange themselves into more suitable positions, when Rey’s comlink buzzed, startling them both. They stopped, jolting upwards to stare at the vibrating device on the Dejarik table in front of the lounge seat.

“Leave it,” whispered Kylo and Rey looked around to see his black hair tousled into a dramatic wing soaring over plaintive eyes.

She giggled, combing it back with her fingers and after depositing a quick kiss on his nose, scrambled off the bunk to grab the comlink.

“It could be important,” she said, hoicking up the front of her dress before she pressed the button to begin communications.

“Rey?” crackled Rose’s voice.

“Yes?” said Rey cautiously.

“Sorry, I hope you weren’t asleep. I was looking for you. Is Kylo there?”

“I’m not sure,” said Rey, with a guilty glance at Kylo, who raised an eyebrow at her when she continued. “Do you want me to look for him?”

“No need. I just wanted to let you know the trip to the Jedi Temple has been postponed. The delegates are poised to sign a treaty with the Resistance, and Leia needs to get that done as soon as possible.”

“Really?” said Rey eagerly, trying not to be distracted by Kylo, who had swung his legs over the edge of the bunk. Maybe they would have a couple more days before he had to leave.

But as she listened to what Rose said next, not even Kylo padding towards her quietly to sling his arms around her brought her comfort. It transpired that although the delegates had been impressed by Kylo and Rey’s abilities to defend themselves and others, the untimely insurrection of Hux and the stormtroopers had rattled them. And now Kylo’s return to the First Order would have to be brought forward. Rey could have wept again, and very nearly did, when she finally set down the comlink.

Kylo, nuzzling into her neck, knew from the rigidity of the body he held in his arms that something was wrong before he raised his head to see the look on Rey’s face.

“You have to leave tomorrow,” she whispered, and he felt his heart sink.

But he couldn’t let Rey be sad. Not after what she had just admitted. Not after that promise he had made to her. They had one more night, and now Kylo was determined that this night was not going to be their last. There would be more. Maybe many more. But all the same he wasn’t going to let them waste this precious one in sorrow and anxiety.

He tilted her face up to kiss her lips. “We have tonight,” he whispered. “And I’m coming back. Very soon. I promise.”

And Rey believed him. But she also saw unease behind the resolve in Kylo’s eyes and she wanted more than anything to banish it. 

She kissed him rather forcefully, wrapping her arms tightly around him. Desperate to get back to that warm exciting place Rose’s communication had interrupted. And she found Kylo all too willing to comply with this wish, scooping her up to deposit her back into the bunk they had vacated.

Rey fully expected they would spend the rest of this night exploring each other’s very interesting bodies, now that they had finally allowed themselves to.

But after only one more very satisfying episode, sleep claimed their weary bodies and they drifted off, still wrapped around each other, still mostly dressed in the dishevelled remains of their finery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So of course, just as Rey and Kylo reach a perfect understanding, he has to go away... sorry.😬 But it won't be straight away. More plotty things and snuggly cuteness before then!
> 
> Thanks to all for the comments and Kudos, bookmarks and subscriptions (only just discovered them!!). It's amazing to know people are enjoying this, never mind reading it! 😍😘
> 
> New illustration up in Chapter 20. Planting Seeds. Rey and Kylo by the lake. 💕


	26. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Rose have a revealing conversation, Hux has a visitor, and Rey is disturbed by a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a more plot-driven chapter, before we get back to full-on snuggles and first-time fumbly adventures for Rey and Kylo in the next!
> 
> Warning: Mentions of blood in the last part of this chapter.

It was a while before Finn found Rose. He finally ran her to ground outside the castle, a lonely little figure in pink, sitting on the steps overlooking the lake. She didn’t turn as he sat down beside her, only glancing around when he spoke.

“I was wondering where you’d got to,” he said, bringing his knees up to lean his elbows on them.

“I came out to reach Rey on my comlink. It was too noisy inside,” she said. She saw him nod abstractedly and bit her lip apprehensively. “I think she was tired. It probably takes a lot out of her to do what she did.”

It surprised Rose that this received nothing but a noncommittal grunt. And also that Finn seemed to be having difficulty looking at her.

“I know what you want to say,” he said eventually. “You can say it.” Rose frowned and Finn turned to look at her with a rueful expression. “If I’d spoken to the stormtroopers this might never have happened.”

“I wasn’t going to say that!” said Rose in bewilderment. “Besides, you don’t know that. You can’t think what happened was your fault.”

“Wasn’t it?” Finn looked away grimly. “You asked me to speak to them. I wouldn’t do it. I should have.”

“Nobody got hurt,” she said reassuringly, and then checked herself with a smile. “Well, apart from Hux. And the stormtroopers, but I’m pretty sure they all survived.”

She saw his brow didn’t lighten. “You can’t blame yourself. None of us saw this coming. And that wasn’t why I wanted you to speak to them anyway. I just thought… maybe I thought it would be healing for you. You know, make peace with it or something...” Rose shook her head. “I’m not putting this very well.”

“No,” said Finn, with a hint of a smile as he flicked a glance round at her. “No, you are. You always know the right thing to do. Or the right thing to say.”

“Me?” said Rose. That didn’t sound right.

“Yes, you,” said Finn. “You’ve saved my life. Twice. You see things I don’t see. You look for the best in people. Always. No matter who they are, or what they’ve done. And most of the time you’re right.” He laughed shortly. “Probably all of the time.”

Rose didn’t know quite how to answer that. He made it all sound so simple. As if she was some sort of paragon of perfection she knew she was not.

“You’re like Leia. Always so strong, so level-headed. How do you do it?” said Finn and something in the way he said it made his compliment sound… annoying.

Level-headed? She had just thrown herself in front of a bunch of armed stormtroopers to save his life!

And strong? Hardly.

Rose tore her eyes away from his. Fixing them on the dark trees in the distance across the lake so he couldn’t read the expression there. She was too late. He must have, because when he spoke next his voice was wary.

“Rose?”

“You say that like I’m some sort of droid. Calculating the odds and deciding on what’s the best thing to do. Or say,” she said, trying to keep her voice even. “I’m not.”

“That’s not what I... I don’t think that,” faltered Finn.

“You think I find any of this easy? I don’t.” Rose didn’t let Finn’s surprised face deter her. “I hate this war. I hate everything about it. And I hate the First Order. Just as much as you do. No. Maybe more. They destroyed my planet. They killed my parents.” Rose swallowed, her anger turning into pain. “They’re the reason Paige is dead.”

Finn gazed at her, stunned, not knowing what to say. He had seen Rose impassioned before, and angry, but never like this.

Rose wiped a tear from her cheek with a ruthless heel of her palm. “I hate Kylo Ren. You think I liked having to thank him in there? Or listening to Rey…” She trailed off, realising she was teetering on the verge of exposing more than her own secrets. She drew a breath. “I’m not okay. I’m not measured and calculating. Or strong. Or perfect.” Her speech lost its momentum, but she wasn’t finished, even though the next words sounded as if they were wrung from her.

“I’m grieving. And angry. And _sad_.”

Finn saw her chin wobble and couldn’t stop his arm from winding around her shivering bare shoulders. Rose’s posture stiffened for a moment before she sighed and leaned into him, but she still wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“It’s not strength, Finn. I need to hope. I need to believe that everything will be alright. That there is good in everyone, deep down,” she whispered. “I don’t choose to hope because I’m strong. I cling to it because I’m not. If I let myself lose hope, or give in to the hate, I have nothing left. And nothing to look forward to. It’s all I have. It’s all that keeps me going.”

Finn’s heart wrenched inside him, his arm tightening around her. She might say she wasn’t strong, but her words only proved what he had already known. Rose was the strongest person he knew. The kindest person he knew. And the loveliest. And she needed to know at least some of that.

“Well, I think you are the best person in this entire galaxy,” he said quietly, burying his face in her hair. He felt her hand come up to clutch his where it rested on her upper arm. There was a little snuffle followed by a weak giggle.

“I’ve just spent ages telling you I’m not.”

“I know,” said Finn, heartened by the smile he felt in his shoulder. “But I can make up my own mind. And I think you’re brave and beautiful too.”

“Finn!” Rose’s head came up to look at him and she blushed at the look in his eyes. “You don’t have to say that.”

Finn tilted his head in mock surprise. “Seriously? You _have_ seen yourself in this dress?”

“Shut up,” she said quietly. And then raised her eyebrows after a smiling moment threatened to go on forever. “Finn, it’s your turn. I kissed you last time.”

“Oh! Right!” said Finn in delight, and wasted no more time bringing his lips to hers.

Hux was not having as pleasant a time in his cell, deep in the bowels of the castle.

His neck ached from been shaken so humiliatingly by Kylo Ren, his spine felt as if it had been stepped on by an AT-M6, and his jaw still throbbed from where he had been struck earlier in the day. He gazed up at the dank stone ceiling of his cell from his horizontal position on his uncomfortable cot, fuming in disbelief.

How had it come to this? A high-ranking general in the First Order reduced to such lowly surroundings, a captive of the shoddy, disorganised Resistance. The punch bag of that volatile unhinged savage, Kylo Ren.

Hux had never trusted Ren. From the moment he had laid eyes on that towering angry boy he had met all those years ago, he had known Snoke had made a mistake. It had always galled him that Snoke bestowed such attention on the son of a rebel princess and a common smuggler, favouring him above all others. Giving him that feral, uncultivated bunch of degenerates, the Knights of Ren, to command.

Not that Hux had sought approval from Snoke. Not exactly. He would have had to respect him for that. Only Snoke’s ability to command and dominate Hux in ways he did not understand had kept him from plotting his Supreme Leader’s demise. Like he had done so many times before, when he found an obstacle in the way of his ultimate ambition. But he had known only too well how Snoke could strip away his authority in a heartbeat, subjugating him mercilessly in front of his own men.

Like Ren could.

Hux dug his fingertips into his neck, massaging his bruised vertebrae resentfully. It was no way to rule. The Dark Side, that shadowy magic that set Snoke and Ren apart from others, led to arrogant uncalculated decisions and erratic behaviour that ill-befit a leader of the foremost strength in the galaxy. How could they maintain order when they possessed none of their own?

He had been proven right to mistrust Kylo Ren. He had known that Snoke should not have allowed his pet roam free at will with his Knights. Untethered by the rules that governed the rest of the organisation, to collect his stupid mystic trinkets and cause chaos whenever and wherever he liked. He had been imprudent to indulge such an unstable boy, particularly one so prone to violence at a moment’s whim. To let him grow as powerful in the Force as his body grew in strength. It had been Snoke’s undoing.

How could he not have foreseen Ren’s treacherous act, considering the family he had sprung from? If Hux had harboured any doubts after he discovered Snoke’s body cleaved in two, and Ren’s unconscious body next to it, he didn’t anymore. It had seemed wildly improbable then that the scavenger from Jakku had wreaked such devastation by herself. Incapacitating Kylo Ren, as well as murdering all of the Praetorian guards and assassinating the Supreme Leader himself.

Only Ren’s manic fury had stopped him from voicing his suspicions at the time. And it was blatantly obvious that whatever had happened, the outcome had not turned out the way the new self-appointed Supreme Leader had intended. Any person foolish enough to display curiosity about these events had discovered that, meeting a swift and violent end.

Hux did not need to ask questions. Definitely not now, after what had just happened upstairs in the dining hall. His mouth contorted into a sneer.

Ren was obsessed with that filthy little desert rat. And had been so ever since he had abducted her from this very planet over a year ago. It was hardly surprising really. His own family had descended from desert slaves in Tatooine on his mother’s side, and the grimy back alleys of Corellia on his father’s. Hux knew the value of researching every available detail of his enemies’ pasts, probing for weak spots to exploit when the time was right.

Ren’s was laughably obvious. 

This Rey was his weakness and would likely be his downfall. He had seen the look that passed between them after she had thwarted his attempt to blow a hole through Ren’s head. And that idiot had lapped it up, grinning back at her like the great besotted dolt he was. In much the same way Hux was sure he had before whatever had happened on the Supremacy a year ago. She had made a fool of Ren then, and he had no doubt she was manipulating him again for her own purposes now.

A door clanged close by, and Hux raised his head slightly to peer through his barred door to the corridor outside. Voices echoed for a few moments in the narrow stone passageway before a familiar figure came into view. Hux shuffled upwards on his cot, propping his pillow up against the cool dank wall to rest his back on it.

“Coming to set me free again?” he said.

“Not this time,” said the man, and Hux strained his eyes to get a better look at his expression. Difficult when he was situated as he was, with the lantern behind him casting his head into sharp silhouette.

The man moved forward a step to speak more quietly. “Why didn’t you tell them who set you free?”

“What use would that have been to me?” said Hux. “I take it they bought your story? That you were overpowered from behind and left for dead?”

“I _was_ overpowered from behind.”

Hux snorted derisively. “At your request. What’s your plan now?”

“That’s my business,” said the man. “You failed. Miserably. I should have known. I won’t be requiring your services again.”

Hux regarded him meditatively for a moment. “Does your princess suspect she harbours a traitor in her ranks?”

“That’s not what I am.” A note of anger crept into the man’s voice. “Attempting to assassinate the Supreme Leader of the First Order is an act of war, not treason. I am loyal to the cause of the Resistance.”

“Just not loyal to its leader,” Hux noted almost approvingly. “What makes you think I won’t tell her what you’ve done?”

“I imagine you value your life,” came the answer. “It would be very simple to arrange an unfortunate accident in your cell. If it wasn’t for the fact that your actions have resulted in an increased guard, that accident might have already occurred.”

Hux sat up straighter. “You didn’t expect me to survive when you released me.”

The figure shrugged. “Collateral damage. You’re a general in the First Order. The Supreme Leader and one of his generals gone in one little incident. I would say that could only be an advantage for the Resistance.”

“So that’s your plan. Take out all the leadership of the First Order to gain control,” said Hux.

“Hardly,” said his visitor. “The Resistance should not even be considering an alliance with the First Order.”

Hux subsided into his pillow again. He shouldn’t be surprised. It was only much the same as he had been thinking anyway, albeit from a different angle. This could still be of use to him.

“I wouldn’t try to silence me,” he said. “Your involvement in two attempts on my life would be suspicious. And what you probably don’t realise is that I know your name.” He leaned forward, ignoring a twinge in his spine. “It would be a pity if I felt the need to let slip to my guards what you’ve been up to.”

His hissed whisper had the effect he wanted. His visitor stood very still for a moment before stepping closer to the bars.

“Keep your mouth shut until I speak to you again,” he said, and waited for Hux to give him a smirking nod before leaving.

Hux sat back again, hearing the sound of footsteps recede down the corridor, reasonably pleased with himself. All was not lost. This Resistance traitor might not want to help him, but he had walked right into a trap of his own making. If security on the cells had been stepped up as a result of what had happened upstairs, it would be very difficult to kill him now without appearing suspicious. There had to be a way of turning this development to his own advantage.

Hux was beginning to think that his own attempt to bring an end to the Supreme Leader had not been a complete failure. If he did manage to escape, he could deal with Ren later. If he even had to. He doubted he had discovered the only member of the Resistance who resented Kylo Ren, despite his ludicrous whim to unite his forces with theirs. They were not all blinded by sentimental blood ties like Leia Organa was.

His thoughts turned again to the scavenger from Jakku. She might have saved Ren from certain death before, but that could very likely have been due to his mother’s presence. Hux was not fooled by that sweet limpid look she had thrown Ren. But then Hux was letting his brain do the thinking for him, unlike Ren, whose already unstable thought processes were now obviously overruled by another part of his anatomy.

Hux was grudgingly aware that if Kylo Ren was squinted at in the right light (one that obscured those ears and that beak of a nose), his dark brooding looks and windswept mane might vaguely resemble some sort of girlish fantasy. But no girl in her right mind could possibly want any sort of romantic future with a maniacal freak like Ren after he had served his use. Even if the girl in question was a Jedi witch like Rey from Jakku.

All he had to do was wait for Ren’s own ridiculous infatuation to turn on him, and let the girl do Hux’s job for him.

Hux smiled in the darkness, despite his aching jaw. It was only a matter of time.

_Rey is in the cave on Ahch-To, her fingertips resting on the cold damp rock face._

_“Let me see,” she whispers, seeing her face in the mirrored surface mimic her words. She sees resolution tighten her lips and unclenches her fist at her side._

_This is not the first time she has been here since that night. This is a dream like all the others, and she has faced this reflection many times. Each time the dream has ended at this point, fading into another, or fading into nothingness. Not this time._

_“I’m ready,” she says quietly. “Show me.”_

_And now her reflection is dissolving. The rock is dissolving, and she can step forward into a great empty cavern._

_It’s darker here, and colder, and Rey shivers. She rubs her upper arms to warm them and knows something is different. Her clothes are dry. They were wet before, and now there is a part of Rey that wonders how she has got here._

_There was a lake, she remembers and now she sees it. In front of her, not behind like it was before. Vast and wide, and gleaming almost white at her feet. The cool shimmering light of the water reflecting off the cave’s rough walls allows her to see her surroundings more clearly. But not clearly enough._

_“Show me,” she whispers again._

_And now she can see something. Something indefinable and dark in the middle of the lake._

_“Why are you here?”_

_It is Luke Skywalker. Rey knows it before she turns._

_“I wasn’t ready before,” she says._

_“Why are you here?” persists Luke. “Was this lake created by the Force or by you?”_

_Rey knows this should matter but it doesn’t. She’s not afraid. She can swim._

_She knows Luke is gone before she takes her first step into the water. It’s cool but it doesn’t shock her as it did before. When it reaches her waist, she lowers herself down and stretches out with her arms, lets her feet rise and she is swimming. It is not effortless. There is a cooler undercurrent below that drags against her, and she must push herself harder to swim against it._

_It is only when she has almost reached the rocky plateau in the centre of the lake that she realises that her movements have become easier. More fluid now she is unencumbered by the clothes she wore when she first walked in._

_The flat stone is slippery and difficult to climb. Rey scrapes the heel of her palm, the front of her shin as she clambers on to it. But now she can crawl forward to the huddled figure hidden underneath the dark cloak. She knows who it is, so she is not afraid to reach out and touch the outline of the shoulder beside her. It is sodden and cold._

_Rey gently pulls away the cloak to see her own eyes staring back at her. When she looks down, she can see dots of blood forming in the white graze on her reflection’s shin. She sees her shiver, her knuckles white as she clutches the cloak around her._

_“Let go,” whispers Rey and unclasps those cold fingers from the cloak. Under her gaze the figure blurs, the hand under hers trembles._

_When she looks up again, she sees dark eyes watching her under dripping black locks._

_“Ben.”_

_He is naked, shivering, his arms wrapped around his knees. Rey leans in, gathering him to her, warming his body with hers. He tucks his face into her shoulder, and she feels his trembling ease, his arms slide around her to hold her close. She kisses the scar her lightsaber gave him on his shoulder and catches her breath, feeling heat scorch her lips._

_The wound is burning, and Rey jerks back in consternation. To see the scar on his face lit with the same fire, glowing golden-white beneath his skin. It burns brighter until it is a flame, licking out over the edges of his scars._

_“Ben!” she cries as the flames spread out, writhing low over his skin._

_“It doesn’t hurt,” says Kylo. “Let me show you.”_

_He takes her hand with burning fingers and places it on his chest. It is hot but it doesn’t hurt her. Under her widening stare, her fingers catch fire. It is strange and thrilling and terrifying._

_“What’s going to happen to us?” she asks, feeling fire flicker up her arm, the heat warming her through to her bones._

_“I don’t know,” he answers, pulling her to him, and the fire intensifies, blinding her._

Rey woke with a gasp, staring into the darkness. Waiting for Kylo’s familiar features to form before her eyes, for her hand to recognise the steady peaceful pattern of his heartbeat. She laid her head back down on her pillow carefully, feeling her dream slip away before she could grasp it, until it was only the ghost of a nebulous emotion. The faintest raw pulse in the heel of her palm, the front of her shin. And somewhere else.

Where there had been the sharpest little pang earlier, almost unnoticeable in the heart of a moment of pleasure. It hadn’t felt the same as that pain that came every month, but Rey rolled quietly off the edge of the bunk to make sure of that in the refresher.

It wasn’t the same pain. It wasn’t the same blood. It didn’t frighten Rey like the first time she had bled when she was younger, silently convinced that she was dying slowly from some strange haemorrhage she didn’t understand. The one that happened again, and then again, until she had fashioned a length of light material as a shield. Draping it over her clothing to conceal the evidence of any further unexpected reoccurrences.

It was only after long months of worry, but with no obvious fatal consequences from this secret pain, Rey had come to realise that this was now just another hardship that was to become part of her life. Although it had still come as a relief over a year later, when she discovered that this particular inconvenience was a normal event for every woman, not just her.

This time Rey knew this pain had been different, something significant. Born from something she had chosen to do, rather than something that had just happened. Something she and Kylo had done. And she wondered now if it was a price that had to be paid for this particular happiness every time, or just the first time.

She briefly considered asking Rose about it, before hastily shutting that notion down. Likewise with Leia, for more obvious reasons. The only person she could think to ask was Kylo, but the thought of that troubled Rey. He would have enough on his mind in the coming days without worrying about her.

Rey gazed at her reflection, her eyes lowering to that pale stain on her bodice, that streak on her arm, bonding the fine hairs taut to her skin. Precious marks. Ones she couldn’t bring herself to wash away like she had the other.

The evidence of Kylo’s desire for her. Like that little stain on her thigh had been evidence of her desire for him.

She met her eyes in the mirror for a moment before she smiled at herself reassuringly. She wasn’t worried. Not really.

That tiny pain had been a worthy price to pay for those glorious moments with Kylo, and if she had to, she would gladly pay it again. She would wait and see, and until then it would be something she would keep to herself, something secret only she knew.

But as she crept back into the bunk beside Kylo, she didn’t think about it at all. How could she think about anything other than how lovely Kylo was when he shifted around to sling an arm over her? When she could feel his chest rise and fall on a long luxurious contented sigh that ruffled her hair. When the skin revealed by his partially undone tunic was so smooth and soft against her cheek. When that lovely scent of his skin was mingling in with that other scent, that warm musky perfume of them both, that hung heavy in the air.

Rey closed her eyes, breathing it in, and turned her head to plant a kiss into the chest under her cheek. Stealing her arm under his to wrap around Kylo's waist before she fell into a sleep as deep and sound as his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of (awake) Kylo in this chapter, but I wanted to get some plot points underway and reach a pivotal moment for Finn and Rose.  
> For those who were worried about Finn up to this point, I hope that this instalment soothed your souls a little bit! 😊
> 
> And the next chapter will be almost completely devoted to Rey and Kylo getting up to more amorous endeavours in their bunk anyway! 💕 
> 
> BTW, the dream sequences in this fic are always placed intentionally, either to highlight moments that have occurred or will occur later. And some will be vague premonitions of what's to come. 
> 
> Thanks so much again for the Kudos and support!! 🥰 
> 
> New illustration of cuddly sleep in the AT-AT at the end of chapter 13. Jakku.


	27. Surprising Developments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is revisited by a dream and surprises Rey with something new, and Finn surprises Kylo with a proposition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay uploading this chapter! It's a longer one than usual and I could not get Kylo and Rey to stop musing about every little thing (they really overthink everything!), and I also had very little free time to edit!
> 
> Warning - more sexual content in the first part of this chapter as the dyad get more intimate. 😉💖 Tags have changed as these two won't be able to keep their hands off each other now they've got started! 
> 
> Also, I'm aware there might have been some confusion about what Rey and Kylo got up to in the chapter before last, because of the blood mentioned in the last one. Blame Kylo's big fingers! The dyad did not do the deed sneakily out of sight! That will be a chapter all to itself later on!

Once, a long time ago, a few years before Ben Solo had become Kylo Ren, he had woken from a dream. And as with a lot of dreams, the memory of it had begun to disappear even as he opened his eyes. He had closed them again as quickly as he could, trying to submerge himself in sleep once more, but it was too late. The dream had vanished.

Ben had opened his eyes then, his heartbeat slowing, feeling sweat cooling on his body, his sheet clammy under his back. He had soaked it, right through his nightshirt. He was still tensed and tight, and Ben had known before he glanced down that he would see a tell-tale tent propping up his blankets.

A familiar awareness had stirred in the corner of his mind then, and Ben had rolled over onto his stomach. Willing his body to relax, breathing in, breathing out. Emptying his mind. Even if the passing of his dream into nothingness had left him with the strangest sensation of loss, he wanted whatever it had been to stay secret. To be something only he had known.

But sometimes dreams recur again. As this one did, years later, to Kylo Ren as he lay beside Rey in the main hold of the Millennium Falcon.

_Ben Solo is standing by a lake._

_It is dark. Not so dark he cannot see. There is a bright moon overhead that lights the surface of the water, smooth as milky white glass. He knows he has been here before, even though he has only the vaguest recollection of what had happened here. But this time Ben Solo knows who he is waiting for, so he doesn’t spend any time looking about him. He waits, his stomach clenching in a knot of anticipation._

_And this time he isn’t surprised when he sees her. A slim girl dressed in white, walking on the shore towards him. She is beautiful, her bare feet scarcely making a sound as they sink into the grass. Ben holds his breath as she stops before him._

_“Do you want to see?” she asks, and Ben doesn't know why he feels nervous as he nods his head mutely._

_She sits down on the grass, slipping her bare feet into the water. Ripples pool out in wide circles. It is shallow, barely covering her ankles. She looks up and pats the grass beside her._

_Ben kneels down. Not too close, resting back on his legs folded beneath him. Her hand rises and he thinks she wants him to take it. He reaches out, but her fingers curl around his wrist instead._

_“Here. Let me show you.”_

_And he has to lean over as she lowers his hand into the water. Ben is prepared for it to be cold, so he is surprised to find it warm, slipping over his skin like a caress._

_He can feel something brush his fingertips, and he leans over a little more to see what it is._

_He sees a bud, a flower not yet opened. So pale under the water he hadn’t noticed it. The girl’s hand leaves his wrist, and Ben looks up to see she is smiling softly at him. His heart starts to beat faster. She trusts him._

_He can touch it, so he does, gently, but when petals start to unfurl his fingers jolt away guiltily._

_The girl reaches down, and when her hand rises again the flower lies in her outstretched palm._

_“Here it is,” she whispers._

_Ben can’t look at her, but his fingers reach forward until they touch it. The first time he had dreamt of this, Ben Solo hadn’t known why he felt an excited quiver in his stomach as he stroked those slippery soft petals. This time he does._

_And because he knows this is a dream, this time he can do something he now knows he wants to do. He wants to kiss the flower, feel those soft delicate petals against his lips. And the girl doesn’t stop him, her wide eyes watching him as he lifts her hand to press his lips into the sweet golden heart of the flower._

_It trembles against his lips and when he opens his eyes he sees the milky white lake is now gold. He can see his face reflected in it. Her face beside his._

_“Did you do this?” asks Ben._

_Rey shakes her head. “No. You did.”_

_And Ben stands up, walking into the water until it covers him up to the waist and waits for her._

Time was something Kylo could not estimate properly in the main hold of the Falcon, with no window to the outside world to let him know if the sun had risen over Takodana. He was not in the habit of sleeping for as long as he had done recently. More accustomed to dozing in fitful bursts that usually only lasted for an hour or less, and he was a little disoriented by all of these heavy slumbers of late.

It must yet be early, because nobody had arrived to summon him to leave. And Rey was still asleep, her back turned, but with her hand flung back across his hip as if it reached out for him in sleep.

Kylo’s eyes roved over her, from her messy descending hair knot splayed over her pillow, to her rucked up green skirts tangled around her thighs. It was a beautiful sight, and Kylo realised his morning affliction had come back to haunt him. Like it had on Jakku.

But this wasn’t quite the same. Kylo was on the verge of shifting away before he stopped himself. He still couldn’t believe how much everything had changed since that morning such a short time ago. How horrified and ashamed he had felt then of this highly inappropriate inconvenience in their makeshift bed in her former little home. 

But that was before Rey had taken that first tentative step by the lake. Before that shame began to ease, alleviated and soothed by her gentle touches. He had been shocked by how unexpectedly sweet it felt to be touched there by Rey. It hadn’t felt sordid or shameful like he had vaguely imagined it would be. Even in the most hopeful of any hastily suppressed fantasies of how Rey would react if she were ever confronted with the physical manifestation of his desire for her. And it had not been at all how Kylo would have ever touched himself, making it all the more special. All the more poignant.

He could never forget that look in her eyes, that softness in her touch, as if he were something that should be handled delicately, even reverently. And Kylo, knowing he was not that, had wanted so much to believe that look, surrender to that touch. He wanted to believe he was as beautiful as his reflection in her wondering eyes, as precious as her gentle touches suggested.

That was why he had succumbed so easily right here just a few hours before. Kylo knew how unworthy, how undeserving of this kindness he was, but he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to forget that. Even just for a little while.

A little snore from Rey made his heart thump faster. How trusting she was, to sleep beside him so peacefully, so carelessly. An image, a very different image, flashed suddenly into Kylo’s mind and he froze.

How could she trust him when she knew what he was capable of? How could she not be reminded of just what those fingers she had allowed caress her so intimately could do? As he was reminded now.

_The Khyber crystal fracturing and splintering in his fist. The agony of the rupture in the Force searing through his mind. The shattering release of the pain shooting up his arm._

He did have something beautiful before, something pure, and he had destroyed it. Worse than that, he had wanted to. To make it like him, broken and damaged beyond repair. A merciless weapon built to mutilate and annihilate.

And even knowing that, Kylo wanted to reach out and touch Rey. Feel the softness of her hair, the smooth warmth of her skin. Slip his hand between her thighs and find that warm wet place that had thrilled him so much the night before. As if his touch would not defile her, spoil her until she was as corrupted and ruined as he was.

It amazed him that his big blunt fingers, trained to deliver pain and punishment, had given Rey pleasure. The fact that she had even wanted that from him had been humbling enough. Taking Kylo so much by surprise, already so stirred up by what they had been doing, it had been impossible to resist that temptation.

Rey moved, turning towards him, her hand slipping off his hip into the hollow between them as she began to wake. And Kylo could only be grateful that his bleak contemplations had dampened his morning offering for her. Her eyes opened, meeting his, and her lips curved up in a drowsy smile.

“Hey,” she said, rolling over to wrap her other arm around his neck.

“Hey,” he whispered, closing his eyes to accept her sleepy kiss.

And another. And another, until he wasn’t just accepting them anymore. He felt her kisses become as eager as his and his breath quickened as Rey’s hand turned between them. Her fingers curling around that part of him that had been miraculously revived by her kisses and was now unabashedly demanding attention.

“Oh hello!” she breathed into his lips and Kylo abandoned his earlier misgivings without a moment’s thought.

There was no thought when Rey’s hand held him like this. No thought when her arm tightened around his neck, or her thigh rose to rest her knee on his hip. No thought when his hand slipped under it to burrow through the many confusing layers of her skirts to find what he was looking for. His excitement immeasurably heightened to discover no barrier of underwear between his fingers and her skin.

Nothing else mattered when the world only consisted of the two of them together like this. Particularly like this, facing each other so close in their compact little bunk.

When those little fingers were so confident now. Knowing just what to do to coax the most pleasurable of responses from that stiffly eager part of him. When he now knew best what slippery circling caresses Rey liked most. When every movement rocked them precariously closer to what his racing heart yearned for. What his hectic imagination could only dream about. When his fingers slid in further to feel how ready she was for him.

So warm. So _wet_. As ready as he was for her, hard and needy in her fist.

Not yet.

Even though everything in Kylo ached to pull Rey closer, to roll her under him, to lose himself completely in her. To thrust that hard needy part of him into that secret warm wet place.

Not yet.

And just that thought, that last image that ran through his mind, was enough to tip Kylo perilously over the edge. Because _not yet_ meant that it could happen. That someday Rey could want that. Maybe when he returned to her after his mission to the First Order, she would trust him enough to let him in completely.

Kylo bit back a moan as his mind was flooded with white hot hope. Releasing it with a shudder as his body was flooded with dark hot ecstasy. And all of it was surrendered to Rey.

Rey, who held him tighter as his eyes rolled back under clamped tight eyelids, his body gripped in pulse after pulse of pure pleasure. Kissing his heated face until the tension left his limbs, until his pulses cooled.

Rey, who he had left unsatisfied because he was too disgracefully selfish to withstand his own precipitous needs.

Rey, whose lovely dress he had ruined. Again.

“I didn’t mean to…” he said uncomfortably, unable to meet her gaze. “It just happened so fast.”

Rey ducked her head to catch his eye. “Why, are we finished?”

And Kylo’s already brimming heart threatened to overflow almost painfully at the hopeful impish little smile he saw on her face. His greedy little scavenger. His beautiful, greedy little scavenger.

“Not yet,” he said, neglecting her just long enough to hastily shrug off his sweaty velvet tunic. Delighting in the look in Rey’s eyes as they ran over his body, her answering shiver as his fingers returned to steal up her thigh. Thrilled as her hand shot up to weave her fingers through his hair, as his began to stroke her again, his lips kissing a path down her neck.

The anxieties that had plagued him earlier made a faint attempt to creep up to the surface again, but Kylo quashed them resolutely. What was happening right now was not about him. It was about Rey. Rey wanted him to do this. And whatever Rey wanted from him Kylo was all too willing to give her.

It was easier now to sense what she liked now his mind was not as clouded by his own needs. Kylo didn’t need her to tell him. Her sighs, her fingers writhing in his hair, her quiet little movements under his exploring lips told him better than words ever could that what he was doing pleased her.

Those little clues told him that sliding a questing hand under the gaping bodice of her dress was something Rey wanted. And following it with his lips was even better. _Surprisingly_ better. Emboldening Kylo to slip the tips of his fingers into the tight binding that covered her chest and inch it down. And now he could finally discover what this strip of cloth had kept hidden from him all this time.

Kylo’s eyes widened in surprise. How wrong he had been. There _were_ places on Rey’s body that were soft. Cushiony soft. Springy soft. And pale as her lovely legs. And so excitingly pretty with their little pink tips that Kylo felt an ominous stirring all over again.

He hesitated, his gaze stealing up to Rey’s face in apprehension that his adventuring had gone too far. But Rey’s eyes were resolutely closed.

Because Rey couldn’t look. She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to think about how strange it was to feel Kylo’s breath warm over that skin nobody else had ever seen. Not while he was bringing her so much delight. Delight that grew when she felt his mouth return to her, urged by her impatient fingers gripping the locks at the nape of his neck.

And Kylo buried his lips into that exciting springy softness, curling his tongue around a rosy tip. Startled by her fingers clutching and spreading through his hair, by the soft little sounds above his head.

She liked it!

Kylo devoted himself to these kisses, these licks and flicks that provoked such exciting little sounds. Filling him with a confidence that felt almost as wonderful as it did to be allowed draw that softness into his mouth, tease her with his tongue.

Kylo was a little delirious with his success. He wanted to kiss Rey all over. This noble ambition was foiled by the lower part of her bodice clinging tightly to her midriff. But that didn’t prevent his kisses from trailing down further, pressing into her silken stomach, her gauzy skirts.

He felt her grow still, as still as he became as a thought shot through his mind. A thought too daring to fulfil, but much too exciting to cast aside. When he looked up guiltily, he saw Rey’s eyes open to stare down into his, and he knew the same thought had shot through her mind.

Kylo’s heart leapt. That stunned expression told him she was as shocked as he was. As excited as he was. But her fingertips, hesitantly moving forward to touch his cheek, also told him how uncertain she was.

Rey _was_ shocked. She _was_ excited. But she was also gripped with a sudden paralyzing shyness. Kylo’s kisses had been so intoxicating, she had felt quite reckless under his roaming mouth, and would have unthinkingly given any part of herself over to it. To venture anywhere it wanted to go. But now that Kylo was looking up into her eyes she faltered, realising instinctively where these kisses were leading him.

But that couldn’t be what he wanted to do. It couldn’t be what _she_ wanted him to do. _Could_ it?

The concept of what was on the verge of happening was not completely alien to Rey. One of Kaydel’s holobooks had coyly implied such an activity. But it had been cloaked in such vaguely florid language that it had taken a curious and increasingly incredulous Rey a couple of rereads to comprehend what was insinuated. But she had not been convinced it was a thing that actually existed outside the questionable imagination of the author.

She couldn’t imagine anything more embarrassing. Or understood why anyone would want to do this to another person, never mind why anyone would want to receive such attentions.

Rey definitely had not believed the lady in the holobook could be “drowning hopelessly in a sea of quivering pleasure” as a result of them.

But so much had happened since she had sat in her treehouse, her wide eyes lit with the blue light from that holobook. That was before she had any idea what an experience like that could possibly feel like. Or how to appease that peculiar ache that had clenched her, ever since Kylo Ren had taken off his mask in the interrogation room on Starkiller Base. To reveal a face that had sent a shock shooting deep into her soul. That had been before she had known what it would feel like to trust someone enough that she could allow herself to be touched so intimately by another.

And she had not known that someone would be Kylo Ren, who had already seen all of the secrets she had hidden deep in her soul. And showed them to her so she could see them too.

Rey could never have imagined then how her heart would flip with tenderness when he planted a kiss into the palm of her hand before he nestled his cheek into it. She could not have known how adorably ridiculously huge he would look, big body crouched over her in the cramped confines of the bunk. Or that she would find the sight of him so heart-wrenchingly beautiful, so tousled, so flushed, that her shyness would begin to melt away.

Back then she could never have pictured Kylo Ren’s dark eyes looking so nervous. So hopeful. So _hungry_.

And now that she was looking into those eyes, a tremor of giddy anticipation ran through Rey at the notion of Kylo poised on the precipice of giving her that attention. She was more excited now than shocked, her body betraying whatever last doubts still lingered in her mind. Her fingers curled back into his silky hair, her hips snaking in a sudden spasm of longing.

“Ben!” she whispered on a breath, her hand leaving his hair to touch her rumpled skirts.

Kylo needed no more encouragement. Rey barely caught a glimpse of a glow igniting in his dark eyes, before all she could see was the top of his black tousled head half-hidden in green gauze. The ripple of his peachy sun-browned shoulders as his hands splayed around her thighs to open them.

The sweetest of kisses imprinted into the soft skin on the insides of her thighs, the breath-catching nudge of his nose, and then…

There was the briefest moment when Rey flung out a flailing and devout mental apology to the author of Kaydel’s holobook for her previous incredulous scepticism. Because _drowning hopelessly in a sea of quivering pleasure_ turned out to be a surprisingly accurate way to describe just how she was feeling. How what Kylo was doing made her feel.

Rey’s head flew back into the pillow, her fingers folding around her skirts in a grip that grew tighter with every touch of those big soft lips on tender skin, every exploratory roll and flick of his tongue. Every long voluptuous lick, every nuzzle of his nose shooting hot embers of bliss from the top of her dizzy head to the tips of her toes.

And Kylo, too excited by this tacit permission to kiss Rey in a way he had scarcely even let himself imagine, was at first too overwhelmed to have any qualms about what to do. Not until a taste, more familiar than this heady lovely one that inflamed his already exhilarated senses, broke through his excitement. A faintest hint of copper that made him falter for a moment until Rey’s hand touched his hair tentatively.

And now Kylo’s heart swelled in a jumbled rush of emotions as he resumed his attentions. Guilt was certainly among them, rendering these attentions softer, more tender.

He _had_ hurt her. And she had said nothing.

Because Kylo knew this familiar taste. And even though he had not known what he had done the night before could hurt her this way, he knew his eager explorations had been the cause. And now he knew why that impediment of underwear had been removed. He had already pushed past Rey’s last precious little barrier that hindered him from doing what he wanted so much to do. 

But guilt was not the only emotion churning within Kylo. There was another, an emotion Kylo was not proud of. An excitement, ignited by this knowledge of what he had done to her. A triumphantly possessive gratification that _he_ had been the one to have been granted this privilege. And that was the emotion that fuelled his kisses anew.

Kylo buried his lips more fervently into her luscious softness, his mind inexplicably shot through with bizarrely erotic flashes of white petals. His lips greedier, the lavish strokes of his tongue more deliberate, more covetous to claim all of her for himself.

But then he forgot all of it, too stirred by her reactions to his enthusiasm. Too exalted by her squirms and sighs to feel anything more than a desire to bring Rey more pleasure. Too tantalised by the feel of her, the taste of her. Too enraptured by the feel of his head trapped so sweetly between Rey’s beautiful strong thighs. 

There was still the tiniest voice in her head that told Rey she should be embarrassed by this extraordinary turn of events. But it was very, very easy to ignore. Perhaps it might not have been if she couldn’t sense Kylo’s enthusiasm, his excitement, as keenly as she felt her own. Even that shockingly rude wet lapping sound, that squirmingly loud evidence of what that perfect gorgeous mouth was doing, didn’t shame her nearly as much as it excited her.

Her beautiful lost Ben Solo. Lost underneath her gauzy green skirts. His hand rising to clasp hers, as her other buried her fingers in his ruffled black locks.

Rey was desperate to let Kylo know how grateful she was for this strange magic that rendered her light-headed and breathless. Her hand twisted around to clutch his, and a muffled little answering moan from him reverberated rapturously up through her entire body.

Rey’s hand shot up from his hair to clap over her mouth. To stifle a sound of her own, so primal it threatened to be startlingly loud.

It wasn’t entirely successful. And it was only as the sparks began to fade from inside her clenched eyelids, that she realised she had clenched Kylo’s head equally tight between her thighs, his fingers squeezed in a vicelike grip.

She released him immediately, instantly remorseful. In vague terror that she had smothered this wonderful person who had given her such previously unimaginable pleasure. And then sat up in relief as his head appeared over the folds of her skirts. Deliciously pink-cheeked and shiny-chinned and sheepishly proud as he gasped for air.

“Ben!” she cried joyfully and reached down to hook her hands over his shoulders, dragging him up beside her. He rolled over on his back and was in immediate danger of being smothered again. This time by Rey's kisses, his blissfully clever sorcerer’s mouth receiving all the heartfelt praise and thanks hers could give.

That little voice had been so very wrong. Rey was not embarrassed in the least. Not even that slightly musky taste on Kylo’s lips had the power to discomfit her. She _liked_ it. Because now he tasted of them both and that tugged at her heart. And much as Rey wanted to kiss him until one or other of them passed out from lack of oxygen, she knew that wouldn’t be quite fair on Kylo after all of his generous endeavours. She gave him one more long lingering kiss before subsiding beside him.

And as Kylo turned his head to smile at her Rey wanted to thank him, but she didn’t know how.

There _were_ words she could use. Words she had never used before, apart from in secret, in her little hammock on Jakku. She had whispered them in the dark to parents who never came home to hear them. But she had never really understood what they meant.

Not until now. She was almost sure. Almost.

Rey’s heart faltered, too scared to utter those three little words.

And as Kylo shuffled around to face her, Rey thought she didn’t have to. Surely he could discern everything he needed to know from the look in her eyes. From how tenderly her fingers stroked his face, his hair, traced the sweetly rounded shell of his ear. She really, really hoped he could, as he gazed back into her eyes, his own touches a little rougher, kneading the fabric of the dress on her back, rubbing the length of her upper arm fervently. His eyes lit with a glow so intense it stirred up that warm flutter in her stomach all over again.

Kylo did not know how to articulate anything he felt into words. He wasn’t sure there even _were_ words to articulate how he was feeling. He had never experienced anything so purely… pure as that moment when Rey crushed him between her thighs. Not quite tight enough to obscure her glorious little yelp or distract him from her quiver against his lips.

Kylo had felt unworthy of her before. He should feel more unworthy now.

But he didn’t. He had felt Rey’s elation all around him, born out of his efforts to please her. He was responsible for that drowsy dreaminess in her big shining eyes, that hectic flush in her cheeks. He had somehow managed to conjure such startling reactions, gift such blissful pleasure to this beautiful girl beside him. Pleasure he knew she had never felt before. Pleasure she deserved. _He_ had done that.

Kylo’s hand rose to scratch an itch in his cheek absently before returning it to its previous occupation of stroking her arm.

He had finally found some small way to demonstrate his gratitude to her. To give Rey something back in exchange for her attempts to find something worthwhile behind the mask of Kylo Ren.

And although his own ardour had returned more forcefully than before as a result of these amazingly rewarding endeavours, Kylo was glad Rey’s voluminous skirts hid the evidence of that. He had received his reward already.

Leia returned from an early and mostly uneaten breakfast in the cantina with Maz and Lando to find Beaumont Kin and Larma D’Acy waiting for her in the Tantive IV.

“Has he left yet?” asked Beaumont Kin.

“No,” said Leia, noticing Larma’s quick warning look at him. “But he will.”

“I’ve interviewed the delegate from Felucia,” said Larma. “He insists he wasn’t the one to set the stormtroopers free. He’s very believable. I’m beginning to think it wasn’t him.”

“Really?” Leia’s voice was sharp. Larma’s instincts were good. “I’ll speak to him. If it wasn’t him, we’ll have to investigate further before we let the delegates any further into our plans.”

“If he is a spy for the First Order, he’s used to lying,” Beaumont pointed out.

“All the same, I’d rather be sure,” said Leia. Her attention was drawn away by the sight of Rose and Finn at the door of her chambers, looking furtive and a little nervous. Glancing down, she saw Rose’s hand tucked into Finn’s and smiled.

“Have you a moment, General?” said Finn. “I’ve something I want to run by you.”

Leia nodded, dismissing Larma and Beaumont, before beckoning them in.

“You don’t need my permission to have a girlfriend, Finn,” she said.

Finn blushed and gripped Rose’s hand tighter. “That’s not it.”

“Okay.” Leia ushered them to take their seats around the table. “What is it, then?”

Although Rey and Kylo would have liked to postpone the inevitable for as long as they could, Kylo’s rumbling stomach (and the rather persistent curiosity of a porg in their activities) drove them finally from their nest.

To find another.

It transpired that the porg’s assiduous attentions were driven by his own pride, hopping ahead of them to guide them to his own little nest. Tucked into the side of the passage that led to the heavy laser turret on their way out. Rey knelt to stroke his mate’s head as she cooed over her newly laid eggs, before being distracted by an impatiently ravenous Kylo.

She was suitably horrified by his query as to the edibility of porg eggs. And porgs for that matter. But Rey _did_ feel a little pang nonetheless as she looked up at him, her reproving glance melting under his gaze.

Kylo deserved the biggest (porg-less) breakfast that could be served. Poor hungry Kylo, who had neglected his plate at the feast the night before and would need all of his strength to deal with what was to come.

It was a relief to find the cantina mostly deserted. Rey had no desire to share Kylo with anyone for the last precious moments they had together. Apart from having to graciously acknowledge a couple of congratulatory remarks and endure more than a few interested stares levelled in their direction, they were mostly left alone to enjoy their breakfasts in peace.

At least Kylo did. Rey watched him eat every last piece of his generously sized meal with a full heart. He was such a pretty eater for one so big and so hungry. Meticulously chewing every morsel behind those lovely pink lips before swallowing with the sweetest little bob of his throat.

But then Rey, light-headed with a muddled mixture of satisfied pleasure and increasing tension, could not imagine finding fault with any aspect of Kylo’s appearance or manners. Particularly anything he could do with his mouth. It was as much as she could do not to sidle over to his side of the table and burrow her way into her new home under his arm.

For a change, Rey wasn’t all that hungry for food. That need seemed to have been replaced by a hunger for Kylo that appeared to be almost worryingly insatiable. She had stupidly presumed that if they ever finally succumbed to each other, that strange new ache would ease somewhat, or even dissipate entirely. How wrong she was.

Well, maybe not completely wrong. It had dissipated, for all of a few minutes. But now it was back, and nobody seemed to be appearing to chase Kylo away just yet. Rey locked her knees together, squirming with hopeful anticipation as he set his knife and fork neatly on his plate and looked over at her.

“The Falcon?” she said a little too eagerly, seeing Kylo’s eyebrows twitch up, a pink flush steal over his cheeks. And all Rey could think was that this time she would manage to remove all of his clothes before falling into the bunk with him again. Even if it meant having to take off all of hers too. Rey didn’t know if that last thought excited her more than it frightened her, but it was worth finding out. She was beginning to realise that the benefits of taking risks in all of these kind of matters with Kylo far outweighed any disadvantages.

Their hurried exit was halted by bumping into Finn and Rose, who looked every bit as heavy-eyed and self-conscious as Kylo and Rey. Although Rey’s heavy lids popped fully open as she saw Rose snatch her hand away from Finn’s.

“What is _this_?” she said, a smile breaking over her face.

Rose glanced sideways at Finn and then shrugged and giggled, slipping her hand back into his. He gripped it against his side, holding up his chin proudly.

“Yeah, it’s a thing,” he said nonchalantly and got a playful thump in the arm from Rose.

Rey laughed before rushing forward to clasp them both in a clumsy embrace, with a regrettable smacking of heads.

“I’m so glad!” she said, letting them go. “Finally!”

“Finally?” said Finn with a confused scrunch of his nose, rubbing the side of his head where Rey’s had bopped it.

Rose grimaced at him. “She knows about the kiss... and I might have told her I liked you.”

Finn opened his eyes at Rey. “You could have told _me_ ,” he reproached her. “That was a wasted year.”

“I only found out a couple of days ago,” protested Rey. “And I _did_ want to say something, but Rose and Kaydel told me not to.”

“ _Kaydel_ knows!” he exclaimed. “Anyone else?”

Rose cringed. “Just Leia.”

The mention of his mother’s name reminded them of Kylo’s presence behind Rey.

“You’ll want to talk,” he said, aware of the uncomfortable silence that ensued. “I’ll go. I have to pack anyway.”

“Actually…” Finn stalled him. “I wanted to talk to you about something if you have a moment.”

“Oh?” Kylo, too surprised by the lack of hostility in Finn’s voice to say anything else, looked at Rey. Her nod told him that their immediate plans would have to be rescheduled and he eyed Finn with more than a little resentment, before following him down the steps to the path by the lake.

“What’s that about?” asked Rey, watching them leave in poorly disguised trepidation.

“I think Finn would like to tell you himself,” said Rose and looped an arm in hers. “And I have plenty of things I want to tell you!”

She giggled and pulled Rey back inside.

Finn did not leave Kylo long in suspense. They had only got halfway to the lake before he stopped to look him resolutely in the eye.

“When you leave for the First Order, I’m going with you.” He didn’t wait for a response, even though Kylo had no idea how to respond to that statement anyway. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot. And now after what happened last night – it’s made up my mind.”

“Rose?” hazarded Kylo, more than a little bewildered. Obviously Rose and Finn weren’t as naturally gifted in their bedroom pursuits as Kylo and Rey, if they resulted in driving him straight back into the arms of the First Order instead. Kylo couldn’t help feeling just a little smug.

“In a way,” assented Finn, fortunately oblivious to Kylo’s reflections. “She’s always wanted me to deal with all of that… stuff. I didn’t want to listen before. I think I needed to make up my own mind.”

This didn’t enlighten Kylo at all. “Why?” he said. “On Kef-Bir I seem to remember you made it very clear you did not regret leaving the First Order.”

“I don’t want to re-join the First Order!” retorted Finn vehemently. “But now that you’re allied to the Resistance, at least until all of this is over, and Hux is here in our custody… I want to talk to you about the stormtrooper program.”

Kylo backed up a little. “That’s Hux’s remit, and General Engell’s. Not mine. I don’t have anything to do with that.”

“You’re the Supreme Leader. It’s _all_ your remit,” said Finn pugnaciously. “You do know what goes on there?” He saw Kylo’s eyes shutter, his chin lift higher, and pushed on. “You’ve spent time with Rey. With your mother. With all of us. Aren’t you even beginning to doubt the methods used by the First Order to control the troops? Do you really think the conditioning that happens there is acceptable? Keeping people herded up like compliant animals?”

“It doesn’t seem to work too well,” said Kylo rather caustically. “If you’re anything to go by.”

“What do you think would have happened to me if I’d stayed? I escaped because Phasma sent me for reconditioning. I would have had my brain scraped until I wouldn’t even know who I was anymore.” Finn levelled a look at him. “I know you don’t particularly like me, and believe me the feeling is mutual, but you could at least try to imagine what that would be like.”

Kylo considered him for a long moment. He didn’t have to imagine it. Snoke had done something very similar to him, maybe not using whatever scientific methods Hux utilised, but the results were not markedly different. And he couldn’t prevent the spectre of Palpatine’s mutilated clone from creeping horribly to the surface of his mind.

But the solution to righting the wrongs done by Hux, or Snoke, or even Kylo himself could never be as simple as whatever this idealistic former stormtrooper believed it would be.

“What do you expect to happen?” he said. “We need the stormtroopers to defeat the Final Order. Perhaps I could consider what you have to say after this is over, but we can’t afford dissention in the ranks right now.”

“That’s just it. Now is the perfect opportunity,” insisted Finn. “Give the stormtroopers a cause to fight for. They’re trained soldiers. War is all they know. They will want to fight if they have good reason.”

“They already have a cause to fight for,” interrupted Kylo, when it looked like Finn was building himself up for another rallying monologue. “They fight for the First Order.”

“That’s not a choice!” said Finn in exasperation. “Wouldn’t you prefer soldiers to _want_ to fight for you, not be forced into it?”

“It sounds more like you want these soldiers to become part of the Resistance, not the First Order,” said Kylo darkly.

“And if they do? Isn’t that their choice? Either way we’re fighting the same fight.” Finn sighed, shaking his head. “But that’s not it. When I was a stormtrooper it was drilled into us that we fought to bring peace and order to the galaxy. You have to know that’s not true. But what if it was?”

Kylo was beginning to feel stirrings of the dreadful lassitude that crept over him during High Command meetings. A lassitude that took over when he didn’t want to have to think about something he didn’t particularly wish to concern himself with. Or when he didn’t want to feel guilty about something he hadn’t considered before. Impassioned speeches that were delivered by anyone other than Rey tended to have quite the opposite effect on him than what was intended. Either boring him into a stupor or irritating him into violence.

Kylo was well aware that he had always been much more interested in acquiring knowledge of the Force than the relentless acquisition of planets and systems to rule. The First Order was someone else’s vision, not his, even though he had not exactly questioned its methods when he had sought out Snoke in the first place. He had not been opposed to them either, too consumed by his own anger and hurt to leave space for pity for others. Life was cruel and Ben Solo had not had any illusions about it anymore.

There had been times when almost forgotten twinges of conscience bothered him, like they had over a year ago when Hux proposed to destroy Hosnian Prime. But Snoke had been as quick to stamp out those twinges as the Knights of Ren had been.

Attacks of conscience led to indecision. To weakness. Snoke had taught him that all that mattered was doing what needed to be done, no matter what the cost. Not so easy when a conflicted Kylo had never quite settled on what the right thing to do was in the first place. And over the past year, Palpatine’s manipulations through the guise of his grandfather’s helmet had compelled him to reinforce and build upon the might of the First Order in ways Kylo had not relished as he thought he would.

Every time he had given an order to quash a revolt or deliver swift retribution for a rebellion, the ghost of Rey’s tearful disappointed little figure from the Throne Room had manifested before his eyes. Reproaching him, pricking his conscience unbearably. Kylo had tried to push her from his mind, tried his best to ignore her, but the Rey of his imagination was as stubborn as she was in life.

Until at last, Kylo hadn’t been able to deny that there had been more than a subtle shift in his thinking as a result of what had happened in Snoke’s Throne Room. Just as he had been trying to come to grips with his new role and the disastrous events on Crait.

After Rey’s refusal of his offer to rule with him, and his anger had receded a little, Kylo had been forced to consider exactly what she had turned down. What the First Order represented and what responsibility he had to assume for its actions. The forces he commanded were not just useful weapons to be used in his own private war, but were peopled with generals and admirals with agendas he hadn’t had much cause to be interested in before.

And ever since the Resistance had arrived on Takodana, Kylo had been compelled to defend these agendas, as much to himself as to others, and he was finding it more and more difficult to do so. Finn’s earnest words were certainly hitting him uncomfortably, heaped on top of the Resistance’s accusations on the previous day, and Kylo was not enjoying this conversation at all. Particularly when his grandfather’s warnings about continuing down a Dark path still echoed in his mind.

All the same, Kylo had no intention of letting Finn know that. Or to give in to the all too familiar urges to cut this conversation short in his usual manner. Rey would never forgive him for that.

Rey, who had been on the verge of taking him back to the Falcon for something that promised to be a lot more interesting than this conversation. His breakfast, much needed as it had been, had taken away that much more delicious taste of Rey from his tongue. Kylo needed to wrap this up quickly and in the most uncontroversial manner possible.

“I’ll think about it,” he said eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for some desperation but also some fluffy cuteness as Rey and Kylo say their farewells in the next chapter. And also some much-needed silliness to lighten the mood later on. 
> 
> There's a new illustration up, at the end of Chapter 9. An Awakening, if you'd like to see it. 
> 
> Lots and lots of thanks as ever for Kudos and comments! The comments really help inform my writing and nudge me to clarify things I hadn't considered, so please feel free to drop a comment about anything that's puzzling you, or if you just want to say hello! 🧡


	28. Sweet Sorrow and Advice from Elders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is the day of Kylo’s departure. Rey comes to a decision, Kylo presents her with a gift and receives one in return. And as Kylo is troubled by a memory, Rey is given some unsolicited advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of fluff as Rey and Kylo say their farewells and some silly fun in the latter part of this chapter. 
> 
> Warning - Violence to a woman (brief mention, when Rey is musing on her time on Jakku, after the sentence "Rey had not wanted to know the details anyway." if you wish to avoid.) Also alcohol consumption in this chapter.

It was late in the afternoon before Rey and Kylo managed to find some time together before he left. There were all sorts of things getting in the way. Last amendments to the treaty with the First Order that needed to be ironed out, preparations to be made before Kylo and Finn left the base and a ship to be readied for that dreaded departure.

Rey felt increasingly despairing, barely able to keep her apprehension in check during all of these deliberations. She envied Rose and Finn, sitting side by side, their hands twining together.

She wanted to hold Kylo’s hand. She didn’t want to have to worry about what people would think if she did so. And that was only the beginning of the concerns that had risen in her mind when she had spoken to Rose after Kylo and Finn had left them alone.

Rose had been eager to take Rey into her confidence about the events of the night before, and Rey had listened to her happy account of Finn’s admission that he had wanted to kiss Rose for a very long time. And how she had told him that she had been waiting for him to do so. How they had found all of those secret heartburnings sweet and funny, now that they were finally together. How their kisses had been interspersed with confessions and deep conversations about everything that entered their heads. How similar their views were on so many things. And how happy all of this made Rose feel.

Rey had nodded and smiled through all of this, although these nods and smiles had grown more and more abstracted. She was delighted for Rose and for Finn. Of course she was. But she couldn’t help comparing Rose’s description of her long-awaited night with Finn to her own nights with Kylo. And she couldn’t help but wonder if she and Kylo were doing something wrong.

They never stayed up all night talking like that. And then she worried about the reason for this. Was it because there was so much they would not be able to cosily agree on the way Finn and Rose could? Were they secretly afraid that they would find out too much they didn’t actually want to know? Or that a real conversation would show up the glaring disparity in their views of what the future could hold? They had before.

Rey couldn’t help but be worried that Kylo had only agreed to make significant changes to the First Order out of the urgent necessity to rid the galaxy of Palpatine and the Final Order. Not out of any personal desire to correct the terrible injustices that existed within this organisation and its regime.

But he _was_ making changes.

And they had seen into each other’s minds and each other’s dreams. On more than a few occasions. Surely that precluded any need for discussions that lasted for hours? Maybe that was it.

Or maybe, thought Rey ashamedly, they were a little too absorbed in the more physical aspect of their relationship right now. Should they try to hold off on all the kissing and… other stuff, and talk instead?

Rey knew she was not very good at talking. She hadn’t had to be on Jakku, where most of her interactions with other people had consisted of fending off attackers and haggling over her scavenged finds for portions. Over the last year she had come to realise that she was too direct, too blunt in her manner. It had surprised her when she had joined the Resistance after Crait that this bluntness could be construed as belligerent or rude.

That had confused her, making her withdraw. And her secret connection with Kylo Ren had only heightened that impulse to keep her thoughts to herself. Rey had not known how to confide. It was not something that came naturally to her.

But Kylo Ren had never been put off by her very deliberate rudeness towards him. He was never shocked by her. Only when she unbent towards him. Rey shouldn’t be afraid to talk to him now. Not now that he was used to her being nice to him.

But they had so little time. And the precious time they had left should not be spent arguing or finding fault with each other. It should be spent showing each other that they cared about each other in whatever way came easiest (and nicest).

Rey had always favoured action over talking in her interactions and she wasn’t sure how well she could adapt to yet another new way of communicating intimately. She was only beginning to feel comfortable with their exciting new way of communicating as it was.

Rey suspected that at least in this she had something in common with Kylo. And the closer Kylo’s departure loomed, the more she wondered if she should have communicated in this way more fully with him. What if she never got that chance again?

Rey had already done so much more than she could have ever imagined she would even consider doing with a man. And as frightening as it had been at first to give in to those new urges that had plagued her over the last year it had definitely been more than worth it.

But it was still frightening to contemplate taking that last step there would be no returning from. No matter how much she was beginning to trust that Kylo would not hurt her. Intentionally at least.

But Rey could not rid herself of the thought that it would hurt. And she could not imagine deliberately putting herself in a position that would bring her pain. Not pain like _that_. No matter how dire her circumstances on Jakku had been, when her stomach rumbled emptily, and her limbs were shaky from lack of food, she hadn’t considered it.

There had been a time when it had been presented as an easier way to gain credits for portions. By a woman in Niima Outpost who had found Rey choking down uncooked grains she had been reduced to foraging from the deserted market stalls one night. But Rey had backed away horrified.

She knew who this woman was. Or at least _what_ she was. She had heard the muttered rumours about her, those censorious and cryptic whispers among the women over the cleaning benches, even if she hadn’t quite understood them.

Rey hadn’t wanted to know the details anyway. She had seen the sort of men that this woman brought to her tent. They were the same men Rey fought to protect the meagre items she scavenged from the wrecks in the desert. Frightening men, coarse and brutal and ruthless. She had seen this woman’s bruises and black eyes.

She had not believed it would be easier to earn portions doing whatever it was this woman did. Rey was no stranger to bruises and scrapes, but these she had acquired defending herself, not by laying herself open to receiving them. She would much rather receive these bruises fighting those men than trying to please them.

But Kylo was not those men. And Rey had come to realise that not everybody suffered bruises or black eyes from the act that woman traded for credits. They couldn’t. Her friends would not joke or laugh about it so carelessly if that were true.

Rey closed her eyes, remembering with a little jolting thrill through her stomach those sweet kisses Kylo had pressed into her thighs. The softness of his lips, the tender touches of his tongue, that look in his eyes. He wouldn’t hurt her. He _wouldn’t_. And even if he did by accident, she would know he would never have meant to do so.

Rey determinedly pushed her qualms aside. Maybe there was still time.

And so, purposefully consumed with her new resolution, and with so few precious moments left, Rey felt more than a little desperate when Kylo suggested they take a last walk to the spot by the lake.

“You don’t want to go to the Falcon?” she faltered.

“Maybe later,” said Kylo. “There’s something I want to give you before I go.”

“Me too,” muttered Rey in a subdued undertone.

Too quietly for Kylo, who glanced down at her with a twitch of his brows. “What?”

“Nothing.” She paused, gathering her nerve. “Actually, I want to give _you_ something.”

“You do?” said Kylo. “Is it okay if I go first?”

“Okay.” Rey couldn’t help but feel slightly relieved. “But you really don’t have to give me anything.”

“I think you’ll want it,” said Kylo and then added in a less positive voice. “At least I hope you will.”

He wouldn’t explain any further until they were seated side by side on the grass and he had enveloped her hand between the two of his.

“I don’t know if you know this, but my father had no family name,” he started. “Not one I ever heard anyway. Or maybe he did have one once that he didn’t care to keep.”

“But… what? No! What are you talking about?” said Rey in confusion. “It’s Solo!”

“That’s not a family name,” he said. “It was given to him by a random official when he escaped from Corellia. When he was only a little younger than you are now.”

“Okay,” said Rey, still not quite sure what this had to do with anything, much less any sort of present Kylo wished to give her.

“I could always see why my father liked you so much,” continued Kylo, undeterred by her bewildered expression. “He was like you once. Nameless, brave, independent, a fearless pilot. A survivor. I think he must have seen a lot of himself in you.”

“You think?” said Rey, trying to disguise a flattered little smile.

“I do,” said Kylo. “And he took that name and made it his. A name that he gave me.”

Rey was surprised to see a nervous tic pulse under his eye as he considered his next words.

“Rey, I’ve been thinking a lot. About what you said to me last night,” he said gruffly. “About how you were worried about whether I would come back. It made me think of something of mine you might want to keep. Something I can give you. If you want it.”

“Okay,” repeated Rey.

Kylo’s hands clutched hers more firmly. “My name. Solo. It can be yours too. If you want it to be.”

Rey’s mind went blank. “Solo!” She shook her head as if to clear it. There was a sort of horror in there somewhere. “Like… what? Like a sister? I don’t -”

“Sister?!” interrupted Kylo, repulsed. “No! Not like a sister.” His hands grew a little clammy around hers. “Not at _all_ like a sister.” His face began to burn. This was not working out quite as romantically as he had hoped. “Like I belong with you. Like you belong with me.”

“Oh!” said Rey.

Because something was replacing that bewildered horror within her. A strange wild fearful anger that she couldn’t explain. As if something she was only beginning to understand was being torn away from her. Her hands felt trapped and helpless in his. She knew what she should say, what Kylo wanted her to say, but the words would not leave her lips.

Kylo watched her in increasing anxiety. “It was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have said it. You want your own name, I understand that. I know what that’s like. Something that’s just for you.”

Afterwards, when he had gone and she had some time to think about it, Rey realised that it wasn’t just what he said that broke through that barrier that had flung itself up so fiercely in her mind. But she wasn’t quite sure what it was.

It could have been the look on Kylo’s face. It could have been the realisation that she did have a name and needed no other. It could have been the realisation that he wasn’t trying to take that away. Or that her name meant nothing.

And that accepting his meant more than accepting that one word. For both of them.

Rey from nowhere.

Rey Solo.

Her glazed expression cleared to be replaced by a smile so radiant, so tearful, Kylo blinked.

“Rey?” he ventured.

“Yes!” breathed Rey. “Yes, I would like that!”

“Are you sure?” said Kylo quickly. “You don’t have to.”

“I’m sure. If I could have any name in the galaxy, yours is the only one I’d want.” She twisted her hand around to clasp his. “Rey Solo,” she said, testing it out aloud.

“Rey Solo,” echoed Kylo huskily, swallowing hard against a sudden constriction in his throat.

“I like it,” whispered Rey Solo, her heart clenching. She leaned in to kiss him. Now, more than ever, she felt compelled to tell him that she was prepared to give him something she was pretty sure he would like. She pulled away, searching for the right way to put it to him.

Kylo watched her, his smile fading. “What is it?”

“It’s the thing I’d like to give you,” she started bravely.

But now it was strangely difficult to form the words as he shifted back to look into her eyes. It suddenly seemed a little… a little crass after the beautifully thoughtful gift he had bestowed on her. Her eyes darted away from his, to light on the grass below her. She plucked a pale green leaf from one of the little saplings that grew beside them.

“This.”

Kylo’s bemused expression didn’t change as he received his meagre gift in the palm of his hand. He looked back up at her blankly.

“It’s not just any leaf,” Rey hastened to explain. “It grew from the seeds you dropped the first day we came here. From the fruit you peeled for me.”

“It did?” said Kylo, looking back at the leaf in his hand with more interest.

“I keep noticing things like that, haven’t you?” said Rey. “There were buds that grew under the walker on Jakku. And then here. And the porg eggs this morning. As if everywhere we go, I don’t know… things grow.”

Kylo shook his head. “I didn’t know that. Really?”

“Yes.” Rey tilted her head. “I thought, when you go away, you could have this to remember us.”

Kylo disguised a sudden sting of tears in his eyes by ducking his head. Spending a lot more time than was needed to tuck the leaf into an inside pocket of his tunic. He blinked as discreetly as he could before taking her face in his hands to kiss her.

“As if I wouldn’t remember,” he said tenderly. “But I will take very good care of it.”

Rey squirmed. “It’s not quite as good as a name. You should have let me go first.”

“It’s the best present,” said Kylo firmly, pulling her into his arms.

A couple of minutes later, Rey was beginning to think she needn’t have worried about how she was going to tell Kylo what she had intended her real present to be. Kisses that were rendered more frantic by the thought of his imminent departure, and hands that burrowed and wandered under clothing, seemed to be telling him all he needed to know.

“Rey!” he yelped urgently into her mouth as she popped open the top fastener of his trousers.

“Ben!” she responded with equal urgency as her fingertips discovered the most beautiful silky skin in the entire galaxy, covering that exciting solid hardness.

“Rey!”

They froze, Rey’s hand flying up to rest on his chest.

“Rey? Is that you?”

Rose emerged from the trees behind them, just as Rey propelled herself off Kylo’s lap to land in an undignified position on the grass in front of him.

“Oops, sorry!” said Rose on a nervous giggle. “Did I interrupt something?”

“No!” said a very flushed Rey. “What are you doing here?”

“I was sent to look for you,” said Rose, trying not to notice anything around the region of Kylo’s undone fastening. That he was attempting to hide rather unsuccessfully with surreptitious adjustments to the bottom of his tunic. “Finn’s packed and ready in the freighter. We’re just waiting on you.”

“Already?” said Rey despairingly.

Rose nodded with an empathetic little smile. “I know.”

Rey and Kylo trailed after Rose, ostensibly letting her go ahead to say her goodbyes to Finn.

“It won’t be for long,” said Kylo. “Just until we get the First Order on side.”

This didn’t console Rey in the slightest. “You have to promise you’ll be careful. That you’ll take no risks.”

“I promise,” said Kylo, although he wasn’t quite sure if that promise would be one he could keep.

Rey nodded and was silent until they reached the last of the trees to see the freighter waiting. She stopped suddenly, swinging him out of sight behind a tree.

Kylo’s eyes lit up as he reached for her, but Rey backed away, shaking her head.

“The leaf.” Her chin set determinedly. “It wasn’t the present I wanted to give you.”

“No?” said Kylo curiously.

“No. I wanted to tell you I wanted _you_ ,” she said in a rush.

“I know that,” he said understandingly, running his hand up her arm. “And I want you.”

“No! I _want_ you, want you,” she said a little desperately. “I wanted us to be together. Properly. Before you went away.”

Kylo’s eyes widened, flicking between hers in disbelief. “You mean…?”

_“Yes!”_ she hissed.

Kylo stared at her before dragging her into his arms and hugging her to him fiercely. “Why didn’t you say?”

“You were being so sweet.” Rey’s reply was muffled into his shoulder. “Giving me your name.”

“It’s just a name,” he groaned. “Your present would have been so much better.” He held her closer, feeling her laugh shakily against him. A surge of resolution swept through him, fighting back that despair that so soon he would have to let her go. “I’ll be back so soon. You won’t even have time to miss me.”

Another sniffly laugh answered him but her fingers clutched him tighter, digging into his back.

Kylo lifted his chin off the top of her head so Rey could look up into his eyes. “I mean it,” he said, sliding his hands up her arms to grip them. “It’ll be a couple of days. At the very most. I’ll slice through anything or anyone who gets in my way to get back to you.”

“Ben!” she said on a watery giggle. “Don’t do that.”

And then her breath caught in her throat at the look in his eyes and she reconsidered her answer without so much as a qualm.

“Unless you really, really have to.”

There was so little time after that. Leia, Chewie and Lando were waiting to say goodbye, and all of the last whispers and pledges and hugs and kisses could never be enough. Particularly for Rey and Kylo, whose farewells were agonisingly restrained to the most chaste of embraces and quietest of whispers.

It was a very tearful little huddle that remained after the freighter was swallowed up by thick white clouds.

Rey stared into the sky, Kylo’s final words echoing round and around to the accompaniment of Chewie’s mournful howl and the dull throb of her aching heart.

_“I’ll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise.”_

Sweetheart _. Sweetheart_.

Rey’s face crumpled as she swerved to duck her head into Leia’s shoulder.

“Shh, what’s all this? It’s okay,” said Leia, battling tears of her own. She gathered Rey and Rose closer, rubbing their shoulders comfortingly. “They’ll be back. I know it. You know it too.”

“I should have gone with him,” snuffled Rose.

“Finn’s a big boy. He can take care of himself,” said Leia. “And I can keep you busy. Even if I have to get Chewie to break a couple of ships’ engines to take your mind off him.”

Chewie roared his disapproval at this notion and that made Rose giggle and wipe her eyes.

“But first,” said Leia bracingly. “A drink to toast our brave boys.”

Kylo and Finn, manfully denying themselves a similar cathartic release of bursting into tears, chose instead to maintain a stoic silence as their vessel burst through hyperspace, leaving the ones they cared most about behind. A stoic silence that became more and more oppressive as the journey progressed. Finn eyed Kylo’s stony profile, running through various conversational opening gambits before finally giving up.

“You good here?” he said, sliding out of his seat.

Kylo started as if he’d forgotten Finn’s presence. “Yes,” he said, turning back to the viewport as Finn left the cockpit. And back to the deliberations Finn had interrupted.

He knew his imminent arrival on the Steadfast should be uppermost on his mind. But it was Rey’s admission right before he left that had been occupying the majority of his thoughts.

He still couldn’t quite believe she had said that. _Wanted_ that. With him. It seemed somehow a much more magical occurrence than anything that had happened in his entire life.

His arms folded to grip his elbows with his hands, now so horribly bereft of Rey’s wonderfully supple body that he could have made all his own. Kylo closed his eyes with a groan, remembering how Rey’s furtive whispers had reached unprecedented daring heights out of pure desperation during their brief reserved embrace in front of the Falcon’s ramp.

“I can’t wait to give you your real present.” Her eyes had popped open shyly. And Kylo had struggled to remember how to breathe as she cringed and blushed. “You, inside me.”

It had taken every last remaining piece of self-control Kylo Ren possessed not to scoop her up then and there and carry her off to the Falcon to slake this need for them both. To cover her sweet burning face with grateful kisses, to bury himself so deep inside her that she would never have cause to doubt his need for her ever again. But as that breathless moment passed and the clamour around them seeped back into his consciousness, all he could do was hug her as tightly as he dared.

Kylo had not wanted to disillusion Rey from whatever blissful scene she was envisaging, no more than he wanted to disillusion himself. Even though he had the lowering feeling that if it was translated into reality, the situation might not be quite all they dreamt of. As it was, Rey was free to imagine whatever she could wish for, the same as he could. But Kylo was beginning to get a worrying impression of what exactly she might expect from this much longed for encounter.

Because although he had of late gained a surprising amount of experience, Kylo was uncomfortably aware that if he did attempt to make Rey’s wishes come true, the rapturous union of their bodies would probably be over pretty much as soon as it started. Although there had been no need to tell her that right then. Perhaps the only upside to their untimely separation was that he wouldn’t have the opportunity to disappoint Rey yet. It was cold comfort. 

Another memory, a less agreeable one, intruded on Kylo’s thoughts. And as much as this particular memory still made Kylo wince, maybe he should have taken his father up on his offer to educate his son in these matters. But at that tender age he had no notion that the information Han had attempted to impart then might prove valuable later on in life.

Kylo could only imagine now how horrified his father would be to know just _how_ much later on. But not as horrified as young Ben Solo had been to hear what Han had to tell him.

Little had he known all that time ago, when he asked how his baby Ewok friend had been made, that this innocent throwaway query would lead to revelations of such a disturbing nature. But even then, Ben had sensed how strangely this innocuous question echoed into an uncomfortable unanswered silence at the dinner table. How surprised he had been to see his parents’ eyes meet solemnly for a long moment as his head swivelled between the two of them.

Usually Ben would have carried on asking questions until he got an answer that satisfied him. This time he hadn’t.

And he had known that something unusually ominous was afoot when his father sat down so gingerly on the edge of his bunk at bedtime. His brow had crinkled as Han had impressed upon him in an oddly vague manner how important it was for Daddy Ewok to be kind and considerate to Mummy Ewok. But it was only when Ben had learned what went where that he slid off the bed to stand up, head spinning in dismay.

_The shelf above his bed groaned and rattled, and a cuddly fathier Han had won for him on Canto Bight flew off to hit his surprised father full in the face._

_“I don’t want to hear this!” Ben shouted._

_“Okay, okay,” said Han, hastily placating. He picked the fathier off the floor and regarded his son with a rueful smile as he placed it back up beside a chunky metal toy podracer. “At least I didn’t get this in the face.”_

_“I didn’t want to break it,” muttered Ben._

_Han gave him a look. “Or Daddy’s nose,” he prompted, and got no response other than a sulky pout that trembled at the edges. “Look, I’m sorry, kid. I thought you were probably too young to hear any of this anyway. I said so to your mother.”_

_“Mom knows?” gasped a stricken Ben._

_“Of course she does,” chuckled Han, putting an arm around him, but Ben didn’t like that. Not now he suspected that it wasn’t only Ewoks that did things like that to make their babies. Poor Mommy. At least it had only happened once._

_He slithered out from under his father’s arm to climb back onto his bed and kick his way under the bedclothes._

_Han sighed, reaching over to smooth his son’s mop of black curls back from a pair of dark baleful eyes before tucking him in with a kiss._

_“You won’t always think like you do now. Ask me again when you’re ready.”_

He was right, but Ben never had. And now he never could.

Rey had never had much interest in alcohol. Particularly after the memories of her parents had come flooding back in Snoke’s throne room. And definitely not after her embarrassingly drunken Force induced encounter with Kylo Ren not so long ago.

But Takodana Quenchers didn’t really taste of alcohol. Lurid green and sparkling, they were sweet and refreshing and tasted deliciously like freshly sliced fruit. There was also a warmth to their aftertaste that seemed to spread over her weary brain, soothing it like a much-needed balm.

And they had helped, just a little, to ease her misery over Kylo’s departure. They had also helped ease her prickly discomfiture over that thing she had said to him right before he left.

Kylo had been so eager. So excited by what she had said.

But I _wanted_ to say it, Rey reminded herself staunchly, another generous gulp of green fruitiness rushing to the aid of her troubled conscience. I want this too, just as much as he does.

And now it was out there, and she couldn’t exactly take it back.

Rey sighed heavily, suddenly as panicky about Kylo’s return as she was desolate and aching for his closeness. She caught a concerned glance from Rose out of the corner of her eye and sat up straighter. She was being rude, not paying attention to the conversation at the table.

But Leia had noticed Rey’s faraway look. “Rey? Are you alright?” 

“Yes!” said Rey and hesitated. “There _is_ something I think I should tell you though. But later.”

“Is it something about Ben?” said Lando. “Because if you’ve got something to admit there, you can just come right out and say it. I think we’re all old enough and wise enough to see which way the wind is blowing.”

Rey flushed, her eyes darting to Rose, who wrinkled her nose at her.

“It _is_ pretty obvious,” she said.

“To everyone?” whispered Rey.

“Not everyone,” said Leia comfortingly. “Is that what you were going to say?”

“Well, that. But there’s something else too.” Rey hesitated. “Before he left, he asked me something. And I said yes, and I hope you don’t mind.”

“Oh?” said Leia.

Rey’s face became shy. “He asked me if I wanted his name. Solo. If I wanted to be Rey Solo.”

A smile stole over Ben’s mother’s lips. “Did he now?”

Lando laughed. “I gotta give it to your son, Leia. He’s a quick mover. He knows to snap up a good thing when he sees it.”

“So, you don’t mind?” asked Rey anxiously.

“I couldn’t be more delighted,” declared Leia, getting up to embrace her.

A heady cocktail of Takodana Quenchers and relief surged through Rey’s veins. “Thank you,” she said, hugging her more fiercely. It wasn’t the same as hugging Kylo, but it felt lovely, a different kind of precious.

Leia sat back down and eyed her contemplatively. “And you know if you ever need to talk, you know, woman to woman about anything, I’m here.” She looked at Rey meaningfully. “You do know what I’m talking about?”

Rey who had been taking a sip of her drink, spluttered, and coughed. “No! No, that’s okay!”

Lando gave his old friend a reproving look. “Leia! How old do you think the girl is? She doesn’t need the talk at her age.”

“No!” agreed Rey a little desperately. “I’m sure we can figure all of that out when… when the time comes.”

“Wait. Hang on a moment. _We?”_ said Lando incredulously.

Rey stared back at him like a trapped animal. “Yes?”

“You _and_ Ben?”

“Yes,” repeated Rey more timidly this time.

“I take back my fast mover comment.” Lando slapped the table. “Leia! What’s going on? He’s a full-grown man!”

Leia was also looking a little aghast. “How was I supposed to know?” She thought for a moment as Rose recovered from her own surprise to grimace sympathetically at a cringing Rey. “Although I suppose with the Jedi Academy and… oh stop looking at me like that, Lando. You remember what he was like.”

“But he’s not like that now!” said Lando. “And hasn’t been for a long time.” He shook his head. “I don’t know. Kids these days, I don’t understand them.”

“Just because he’s a good respectful boy -” started Leia hotly.

“Good respectful boy! He’s the Supreme Leader of the First Order, Leia,” interrupted Lando. “And a big giant overgrown virgin. No wonder he’s got rage issues.”

Leia glowered at him and Rose glanced between them warily.

“Actually, I think it’s kind of nice,” she said.

“Yes, Rose,” said Leia in a more sedate tone. “Thank you. I think so too. At least he’s not a lecherous old dog like this one.”

Lando laughed at that and Leia shot him a brief grudging smile. He raised his hands.

“Okay, okay. If you say so. It’s kind of nice. But, man, what a waste. If I still had a body like that -”

“You never had a body like that,” interpolated Leia rudely.

“Your memory isn’t what it was, Leia,” he excused her and nodded kindly at Rey. “Maybe don’t expect too much first time round. Poor kid’s likely to blast off like a plasma cannon before he even -”

“Lando!” said Leia indignantly. “Don’t listen to him, Rey. Ben’s father was a passionate but very considerate lover. I’m sure Ben will be the same. And he was always such a sweet, sensitive boy.”

“Sweet and sensitive… see, that only makes it worse.” Lando shook his head and winked at Rey, before whipping his hands apart explosively and blowing his cheeks out. “Kapow! Run for cover.”

“Stop!” barked Leia. “Don’t worry, Rey. I’m sure it will be perfect.”

“Can we please stop talking about Kylo exploding?” whispered a flame-faced Rey.

“Now, see what you’ve done, Lando?” said Leia direly. She dragged Lando up out of his seat with surprising force for one so tiny. “That’s enough from you. You’re coming with me.” She looked back at Rey kindly. “And remember, Rey, any time you need to talk. We’re family now.”

“What _I’ve_ done?” protested Lando as she led him away. “I’m just trying to prepare the poor kid.”

When they had gone, Rey slapped her hands over her face with a hapless groan, and Rose shifted her chair closer to wrap an arm around her.

“She _was_ just trying to be kind,” she said. “Lando… well I’m not sure what he was trying to do.”

“Rose! That was awful!” said Rey through her fingers. “Kylo will be so mortified.”

“Then don’t tell him,” said Rose simply.

Rey’s eyes popped up over the tops of her fingers. “I can’t do that! He’ll know. I can’t keep secrets from him.”

“Oh, right,” said Rose. She sat quietly for a moment, a perplexed frown on her brow. “But _really?_ Kylo’s never…? It’s just hard to believe. He’s just so… so…”

“Beautiful,” finished Rey for her despairingly.

That wasn’t at all what Rose was going to say, but she nodded tactfully. There were of course, many beautiful aspects to Kylo Ren. His hair and his formidable physique for a start. But he was also pretty terrifying. And now the vision of the Supreme Leader’s massive naked body looming overhead like a ready to explode plasma cannon was an image she was sure would haunt her nightmares for many years to come. Curse you, Lando, she thought bitterly.

“I should have just said nothing,” said Rey with a doleful hiccup.

“You really didn’t say that much at all,” Rose consoled her. “They just sort of ran with it.”

Rey was silent for a moment, before tentatively looking round at her friend. “Have you…? The thing we were talking about. Have you…?”

“Oh!” said Rose. “I mean, yes.”

“Okay,” said Rey, after taking a long sustaining slug from her glass. “Because I probably do need some advice and I’d rather not ask Kylo’s mother.”

“Understandable,” nodded Rose.

“It’s just… you know how Kylo is a big man?” Rey began carefully.

Oh great, thought Rose, just in case the nightmare needed further embellishment. Although she had already a very fair idea of what Rey was trying to tell her from that glimpse she had caught of a very strained pair of trousers by the lake.

“Okay, I’m going to stop you there because I think I know where this is going,” she said quickly.

“I’m just afraid that we won’t… that he won’t…”

“He will,” said Rose a little too quickly. “It’ll be fine. He just needs to be gentle at first. And maybe you could do some… some stuff before...” She looked at Rey’s avidly nodding face. “You know the sort of things I mean?”

“Yes!” said Rey, a relieved smile brightening her expression. “Kylo’s really good at all that sort of stuff.”

“That’s lovely,” said Rose feebly, hoping that Rey didn’t feel the need to elaborate further.

But Rey had remembered her manners. “And Finn? Is he…?” she asked politely.

“Yes!” said Rose hastily. “Very good. Very nice. The best.” She hesitated. “Rey, you don’t have to rush into anything. You can wait until you’re sure. I hope you don’t feel you have to.”

“No!” refuted Rey hotly. “It was my idea. Just because I’m scared doesn’t mean I don’t want to.”

Rose grimaced. She saw Rey’s hand reach again for her glass and laid hers over it. “Maybe it’s time we turned in. It’s been a long day.”

Rey’s eyes filled and her face writhed in sudden misery. “I don’t want to go back to the Falcon. Kylo’s not there.” She turned to wrap her arms around Rose’s neck. “I miss him so much.”

Rose hugged her back, an unhappy tear of her own plopping onto Rey’s shoulder. “I know. I miss Finn too. Why don’t I stay with you on the Falcon?”

Rey sat back clumsily, wiping her face with her arm bindings. “You’d do that?”

“Of course! I’d like the company too. Do you want me to?”

Rey fell on her neck again. “Yes, please. Oh thank you, Rose.”

“We’re going to be okay,” said Rose. “It’s not going to be forever. Let’s go.”

“And I promise,” mumbled Rey as she got up rather unsteadily. “If I get a Force connection, I’ll be very quiet. You won’t even know he’s there.”

“Super,” sighed Rose resignedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did say the end of this chapter would be silly! 
> 
> I hope the memories I included from Rey's past helped a little to explain her fears and hang-ups about intimacy in general.
> 
> I also couldn't resist popping in a throwback to Mr Knightley's horror at Emma's suggestion that they weren't so brother and sister after all, because I love it. And it's also just the teensiest bit because I got so tired of hearing speculation about Rey being related to Kylo for so many years!
> 
> New illustration up in Chapter 16. The Clone. Shirtless Kylo, because whyever not?
> 
> Next chapter will be totally devoted to Kylo and Finn's antics on the Steadfast. Prepare for a very shocked High Command. 
> 
> Thanks so much for the lovely Kudos and comments! I love them dearly! 🥰


	29. The First Order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The High Command are disturbed by the Supreme Leader’s revelations and the Knights of Ren make a bold move. Kylo endeavours to gain information about a sensitive matter and Finn is surprised by more than one discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Some mild alcohol consumption, violence and minor character death in this chapter.  
> Also a lot of silliness as the First Order are left in a state of shock by Kylo's behaviour and Finn is drawn into an unprecedented and awkward conversation.
> 
> New illustration up in Chapter 10. The Captive. Poor Kylo having a cry on Rey's shoulder. 😥

It’s not going to be forever, Finn told himself over and over again the day he and Kylo Ren arrived on the Steadfast.

It was a ship he had never set foot on before, but it already felt much, much too familiar. The Finalizer, the Supremacy, the Steadfast – they were pretty much interchangeable. He had forgotten just how much he hated the stark black décor of First Order vessels. Their round-tipped, elongated glaringly white lighting panels and sleek glossy floors maintained interminably by busily bleeping mouse droids. And all of it seemed infinitely more awful now that he knew what life could be like outside the severe clean lines of a star destroyer.

He missed the muggy green jungles of Ajan Kloss, the sweet summery breeze of Takodana, the messy exuberant liveliness of the Resistance Base. He missed joking with his friends and being a part of the Resistance’s plans and strategies. He missed _faces_. Real faces that showed emotions and reactions that weren’t required to be suppressed or hidden behind masks. He missed kindness and hugs and laughing.

But most of all Finn missed Rose. So acutely it hurt. It was awful to know he wouldn’t be able to speak to her for days for fear their communications would be traced back to Takodana. If he could not see her lovely face, or touch her perfect skin, he would have settled for hearing her voice, her words of encouragement before he spoke to the stormtroopers. The last time he had been on a First Order vessel Rose had been by his side, smart and endearingly cute in her stolen First Order uniform. He missed her unshakeable determination, her buoyant belief in the choices she made. Kylo Ren was hardly a worthy substitute for Rose.

On Takodana, Finn had been surprised to see that the Supreme Leader could smile. That his stormy dark eyes could soften up to a point where he looked almost affable despite his size and formidable cast of countenance. But that Kylo Ren seemed to exist only in Rey’s immediate orbit.

The Supreme Leader, deprived of her tempering influence, appeared to have reverted back to his former intimidating self. Stalking through sterile black corridors ahead of a clomping clutch of stormtroopers, his thunderous demeanour sending First Order officers scuttling aside to give him a wide berth.

Finn hurried after him to the High Command chamber, doing his best to ignore the curious glances thrown at his attire by these officers flattened along the sides of the passageways in Kylo’s wake. It was going to be a very long couple of days.

But as it transpired, it was Kylo’s appearance that caused more of a ripple in the High Command chamber when they arrived. Finn remained hovering at the entrance, unsure whether he was expected to follow him into the room or not.

“Sir!” said General Parnadee disapprovingly, taking in the full vision of her Supreme Leader, complete with tousled hair, sun-pinked nose, the flap of his slouchy soft grey tunic lying open to expose an expanse of smooth peachy-brown chest. “Your uniform? What’s happened to you?”

Kylo loftily disregarded that and strode to the head of the shiny table, lit along the sides by slim fixtures that unflatteringly illuminated the undersides of the council’s features in a cold glow. His gaze was drawn to the immobile figure of General Pryde, seated bolt-upright to his left.

“Sir?” said Pryde, driven to unwilling speech by the kindling look in Kylo’s eye. “We have had no communication from General Hux for a number of days. I regret to inform you that we believe he might have been killed by the Resistance in his endeavours to seek out your whereabouts.”

“Do you now?” said Kylo with interest. “Explain to me why he felt the need to seek me out, General Pryde.”

“We had concerns for your safety, Supreme Leader,” Admiral Griss cut in quickly. “Nobody knew what had happened to you.”

“My safety is _my_ concern, not that of the High Command,” retorted Kylo. “Perhaps General Pryde can tell me why there was a tracker found amongst my belongings. And this time, answer for himself.”

Pryde’s chin rose. “A security measure only, sir. In the event we needed to send you an urgent communique.”

“And the bright mind that dreamed up this security measure?” Kylo’s voice was ominously quiet.

“General Hux,” said Pryde without so much as a blink.

Kylo’s eyes found Finn’s for a brief moment before they swept back to Pryde’s. “Strange. Because I heard it was you.”

“It _was_ Pryde,” said General Engell from the other end of the table. “I questioned his decision when he told us of it. As did Hux.”

Pryde’s watery blue eyes flickered. “The decision was not made lightly, sir. I have proven my loyalty to you. Supported you in your mission to merge our forces with the fleets in the Unknown Regions -”

He never finished, almost falling over with a shrill squeal as his chair screeched back to clang against the wall behind him.

Kylo’s hand subsided slowly. “As to that, our plans have changed.” He looked over the rest of the High Command who were studiously ignoring Pryde righting himself on his chair. “Is there anything else I should know before I elaborate?”

Tishra Kandia cleared her throat nervously. “We believe the Resistance was quartered on Ajan Kloss, sir. When we sent troops to find General Hux, they found evidence they had been there. But we could not recover any clues to their current whereabouts. Likewise, the scavenger. She appears -”

“Don’t!” interrupted Kylo savagely, “…call her that.”

“Sir?” faltered Officer Kandia and finished in a small voice. “There was no sign of Rey of Jakku, sir.”

Kylo, suddenly conscious of Finn in the doorway and the High Command’s baffled looks at his flushed face, collected himself. “I have uncovered the truth about the Final Order. Emperor Palpatine has risen again in the Unknown Regions and will sweep all before him if we do not stand in his way.”

“Palpatine?” echoed General Quinn incredulously. “This is insanity! He’s dead!”

“Apparently not,” said Kylo. “Snoke managed to keep him alive and even now he gathers strength to overturn our hold on the galaxy.”

There was silence for a moment as this was digested.

“But the agreement to ally our forces with his?” said General Parnadee. “Whether Palpatine leads them or not, our combined might would be unstoppable. Why should we disrupt our plans now?”

Kylo leaned forward to rest his hands on the table. “You have studied the history of the Empire extensively, General Parnadee, have you not? That is why you were chosen as a member of my High Command. _You_ should know that Emperor Palpatine does not make agreements he would not choose to break just as easily. We would be merely a means to an end. His own ends, not ours.”

“What evidence do you have? Of any of this?” said General Quinn scathingly.

Kylo drew himself up. “I am your Supreme Leader. Is my word not evidence enough for you?”

Quinn’s eyes dropped to Kylo’s fingers flexing by his side. “Yes, sir.”

“Our only recourse is to ally ourselves with the Resistance. Avail of their research and resources to overcome the Final Order when the time arises.”

Quinn forgot his fear of reprisal in his outrage. “You cannot be serious? Ally the First Order with that hive of rebel scum and miscreants?” The table quivered under his elbows and he sat back in alarm.

“My mother is the leader of that hive of rebel scum and miscreants,” said Kylo in a low voice. “You will guard that tongue if you value it, Quinn.”

“Forgive me, sir,” ventured General Engell into the stunned silence. “But is it not just as likely that the Resistance will turn on us as you vouch Palpatine would?”

“No. I have already come to an agreement with the Resistance. They are aware of the severity of the threat we face, as are you now,” said Kylo. “And I cannot defeat Palpatine without assistance from Rey.”

“Sir! Consider what you’re saying! That scavenger killed Snoke!” protested Admiral Griss amid general consternation. “You cannot -”

 _"Rey!”_ thundered Kylo. “Her name is _Rey_. Rey Solo.”

The High Command stared at him. As did Finn from the doorway.

“But… that was… General Hux informed me that was your father’s name,” stammered Commander Trach uncertainly.

“And mine,” said Kylo pointedly.

“I was not aware you had a sister, sir,” said Griss, recovering his poise. “But even in that case -”

“She. Is. _Not_. My _sister_.” Kylo ground out every word.

Several mouths fell open as the High Command watched a flush rise from the depths of their Supreme Leader’s grey tunic to warm his glowering face. Finn’s own stupefied horror was momentarily overcome by a shocking urge to laugh at the much more evident horror displayed on the faces of the other occupants of the room. Hiding this startled snigger behind his hand as the atmosphere grew heavy with dawning realisation.

“Congratulations, sir?” said General Parnadee eventually.

Kylo, as taken aback by that as her colleagues, decided to ignore these doubtful good wishes for his happiness. He settled his hands back down on the table. “We do not have time to debate or argue about any of this. Anyone who cannot agree to my terms will be removed from command.”

Another silence greeted this.

“Good. In order to ally ourselves with the Resistance, however temporarily, I have agreed to certain conditions. As they have agreed to mine. There will be no recommencement of hostilities between us until the Final Order have been dealt with. I shall be making some changes, effective immediately. They are outlined in a communique you will find in your datapads. See to it that they are adhered to without compromise.” He waved an imperious hand. “Look over them now.”

There was a clatter as datapads landed on the hard glossy surface of the conference table. The High Command ran their eyes over the alterations decided on by Kylo in agreement with the Resistance after the meeting in Takodana. Apart from Pryde, who was still seated at some distance from the table like a naughty child separated from his schoolmates.

A quick gesture from Kylo alerted two of the stormtroopers assembled outside to escort him from the room. The other members of the High Command kept their eyes lowered as he gave instructions for Pryde to be brought to the detention cells.

“Sir?” said General Parnadee, after the sound of retreating footsteps had ceased to echo down the corridor. “Is there some mistake? If we close down mining operations, we cannot continue to build upon our resources.”

“No mistake,” said Kylo. “If we continue to exploit these systems, there will soon be none left to govern.”

“And the stormtrooper program?” General Engell dropped her datapad with a clank. “General Hux would never have agreed to this.”

“Which part?” said Kylo silkily.

“Any of it,” she said, losing her nerve a little, but bolstering herself to continue. “We need to harvest children for the program to continue, and reconditioning has proven to be an effective technique to quell insubordination in the ranks. And what is this about a consultant? What consultant?”

Kylo beckoned Finn to come in. “Here he is. Finn, a former stormtrooper. He has some ideas I’m sure you will find interesting.”

“A _former_ stormtrooper?” echoed Engell, eyeing Finn narrowly.

“What _is_ this?” said Quinn, abandoning his datapad and his temper. “A rogue deserter telling us what to do? Allegiance with the Resistance? Shutting down the very operations and systems in place that have served us perfectly well to date? Some of which I might remind you, you yourself, have instigated? Some… some sort of tawdry liaison with the murderer of our former Leader? With all due respect, sir, have you lost your mind?”

“None of that sounded very respectful,” noted Kylo, with strained composure. “I’ll take this moment to remind you of the terms I proposed before. If you do not agree to them, you are free to relinquish your seat at this table and be given a more suitable position.” He looked at Finn. “Any ideas?”

Finn smirked. “I’m thinking sanitation.”

“A worthy position,” agreed Kylo, with a little more relish.

Quinn seethed. “A worthier position than the one you have obviously been in for the past couple of days, Supreme Leader,” he spat. “Between the thighs of your rebel witch!”

The meeting did not continue on for much longer after that, but for the High Command it seemed to drag on interminably. It was difficult to concentrate on matters at hand when an associate was pinned to the ceiling overhead. It was even more difficult during those intervals when that associate came shrieking down to crash into the middle of the table before being smacked up against the ceiling again.

“Well, that was interesting,” said Finn as they watched the group of stormtroopers escort General Quinn to his new home in the cells, before turning in the direction of the Supreme Leader’s chambers.

“Engell will have communications set up for the stormtroopers by tomorrow afternoon,” said Kylo shortly. “So be ready for whatever it is you want to say.”

Finn felt a jolt of nervousness in his stomach and sought to distract himself. “What are you going to do with Pryde?”

“Not sure yet,” said Kylo. “That will depend on what he’s done exactly.”

Finn’s brows drew together. “You mean apart from the tracker?”

Kylo didn’t answer and Finn eyed him cautiously. “You gonna…?” He raised a hand to wiggle his fingers beside his head. “You know, look inside?”

Kylo gave him a look Finn couldn’t interpret. “I have something I need to do. You should await me in my quarters.”

“You’re gonna kill him, aren’t you?” said Finn in grim resignation.

Kylo’s eyebrows shot up. “No,” he said patiently. “Not yet anyway. I’m going to meet with the Knights of Ren. See what they have to say first.”

“Oh,” said Finn. “I’ll come. You might need back up.”

“I won’t,” said Kylo unequivocally. “You’ll be in the way.” He refused to pay any heed to Finn’s objections, requesting two stormtroopers to take him immediately back to his chambers and stand guard.

Finn might not have realised Kylo felt any qualms about the meeting that lay ahead when his offer was rejected, but that was because Kylo had been very careful to hide any sign of apprehension. The Knights of Ren were a different breed than the High Command, having no use for servile tact or obsequious behaviour to disguise their true intentions. His senses told him they were aboard the vessel and he resolved to maintain a prudent distance after he entered the quarters that housed the Knights.

But even as he neared the door, he realised they were not within. He stopped on the spot, gathering the Force to reach out.

A movement at the edge of his vision caught his eye and he swung around, lightsaber hilt clenched in his fist.

“Supreme Leader!” The youthful Lieutenant Mitaka skidded to a halt and eyed Kylo’s lightsaber warily. “There’s been an incident in the holding cells.”

“What sort of incident?” grated Kylo.

Mitaka backed up a little more. “I don’t know, sir. Communications were cut. A troop of stormtroopers has been deployed -”

Kylo didn’t wait for him to finish, sweeping past him to charge down the corridor.

The echoes of blaster fire had already faded before Kylo reached the cells, Mitaka hard on his heels. The scene of devastation that met his eyes did not surprise him, nor did the door that gaped open to reveal an empty cell.

“Pryde?” he asked the only surviving stormtrooper, whose bloodied helmet lay beside him.

He stumbled upwards, raising his hands defensively. “He’s gone. The Knights of Ren were waiting for us.” His arms rose higher at the Supreme Leader’s frustrated curse in response. “I’m sorry, sir. They took us by surprise.”

Kylo knew there was no point in rushing off in search of the Knights. Even without reaching out, he could feel the last vestiges of their presences disappearing. They were gone.

His gaze skimmed over the prone corpse of General Quinn half-hidden under the bodies of the fallen stormtroopers. So much for his attempt to be merciful. Or at least more merciful than the Knights of Ren had been. The stormtrooper edged closer to the wall behind him, hands still aloft. Kylo noticed blood smearing the armour under his shoulder shield, the deep gash above his eyebrow.

“Put your hands down,” he said wearily. He turned to see Mitaka regarding him in covert surprise. “See those wounds are looked after. And get communications to track the Night Buzzard, although I’m sure they’ve already disabled the tracker.”

“Yes, sir,” said Mitaka, schooling his features into rigid obedience. He took the stormtrooper’s arm and began to move off.

“Wait,” said Kylo. He strode forward to peer into the flinching Lieutenant’s face. “What is this? You’re not surprised by what happened?”

“Sir?” said Mitaka, a little desperately.

Kylo glared at him in exasperation. “Answer me. Nothing’s going to happen to you.”

Mitaka eyed him warily. “I suspected Pryde was colluding with the Knights, sir.”

“And you didn’t think I should be informed?” said Kylo. The only answer he received was a trapped look and his frown relaxed a little. It wasn’t Mitaka’s fault. Hux had attempted to tell him something in that vein before he had even left the Steadfast, and he had chosen to ignore it. “Did you speak to anybody else about this?”

Mitaka shook his head unconvincingly.

Kylo considered him for a moment. “You are unusual for a First Order officer. I have always sensed an unease in you about certain issues in the past. Are there others like you?”

“I’m sure I don’t understand what you mean, sir,” said Mitaka stiffly.

“Yes, you do.” Kylo shook his head with a hint of a bleak smile. “But you don’t trust me. You should. I’m making changes. Some of my High Command are proving to be a little… inflexible. I could use more officers like you if they are willing to stand by their convictions.” He saw Mitaka’s brow crease.

“Consider it. I’ll send you the amendments I have made. If they are of interest to you, you can find me in my quarters.”

Kylo turned and left, leaving Mitaka and the stormtrooper to exchange bewildered glances.

Finn jumped, looking around guiltily when the door slid open.

Kylo stopped on the last step down into his chambers, seeing Finn move away from his desk hurriedly.

“What were you doing?” he asked ominously.

“Just looking at these,” lied Finn, with a flick of his hand towards the books piled on the desk. “They look like Rey’s.”

“They’re not.” Kylo passed him to close the book lying open on the top. “They’re Sith texts. I’m taking them back with me. There could be something useful in them.”

Finn watched Kylo warily as he picked up a holdall to stow the books inside. Sith texts. Acts of sadistic violence. Maybe Kylo Ren wasn’t quite as ready to embrace the Light as Rey was obviously so ready to assume.

“So, you _are_ still coming back?”

Kylo turned to look curiously at him. “Yes. Why would you ask that?”

Finn shrugged. “It’s just… after, you know, what happened in the room back there.” He trailed off.

“What? You think General Quinn didn’t deserve that?”

“Nope!” Finn said hastily. “He did. Absolutely.”

“It doesn’t matter now anyway,” said Kylo. “He’s dead.”

Finn, now his suspicions had been unequivocally confirmed, was surprised to find himself disappointed. His “I knew it!” came out more deflated than triumphant.

“Not _me_ ,” said Kylo impatiently. “The Knights of Ren. They’re gone. With Pryde. I should have killed _him_.”

“Oh,” said Finn. “So, what happens now?”

Kylo ran a hand over his eyes. “Nothing. Nothing for now anyway. If they’ve gone to Exegol, I won’t follow. Not until I can go there with Rey.”

Finn shot him a sidelong glance. He was tempted to ask Kylo what he had meant by calling Rey, Rey Solo, but the look on Kylo’s face stopped him.

He looked tired, the hollows under his eyes a purplish grey. Finn hadn’t noticed that earlier but maybe those shadows looked more pronounced in the shockingly brilliant white of his quarters. Or maybe being back on the Steadfast was having the same effect on Kylo as it was having on him.

“This place!” said Finn, looking around him. “It’s very… it’s -”

“I know,” winced Kylo. He tapped the panel beside the door to dim the lights a little. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“It’s a bit like the Tantive IV… but at the same time not at all,” mused Finn.

Kylo’s head turned quickly to glance at him. “You’ve been on the Tantive IV?”

“Sure,” said Finn, puzzled as to why that provoked such a frowning look from Kylo. “It’s where a lot of us are staying on Takodana.”

Kylo looked away. He had seen an old Corellian Corvette, docked at a distance from the Falcon. But he hadn’t realised it was the same one his mother had owned before he was born. The one he had heard so much about as a child.

Finn eyed him uncertainly when a silence lengthened. “So… should I go? Where am I staying?”

“You’d better stay here. I don’t think you’d be safe anywhere else.” Kylo gestured towards a doorway. “There’s a bed in there. You take it. I probably won’t sleep.”

“Me neither,” muttered Finn, horribly homesick for Rose in this awful bare white space.

Kylo looked over at him, realising Rey would probably expect him to be hospitable to her friend.

“Are you hungry?” he asked politely.

Finn shook his head with a shaky little laugh. “No, though I’d kill for a Bespin Fizz right now.”

“I have wine?” offered Kylo. He didn’t feel particularly sociable, but it might make it easier to talk to Rey’s friend if he had at least one drink.

“Okay, then.” Finn perched on the edge of a pristine white couch as his host poured white wine from a silvery bottle into sleek frosted tumblers. As icily minimal as the cold decor around him. Finn rolled his eyes inwardly at such pretentious affectations. “You think the High Command will obey your orders?”

Kylo handed him a tumbler. “They will. If they don’t, I have other ideas.” He looked at Finn’s carefully interested expression and almost smiled. “Not murderous ones.”

Finn took a gulp of wine that froze his throat. He coughed. “I wasn’t going to say that.”

“But you thought it. You think my methods were too extreme.” Kylo looked at him for a moment before dragging the chair at his desk back to sit down. “It’s what they expect,” he said heavily. “You know what it’s like here. It’s not like they’re going to talk it out in any rational way like they do in the Resistance.”

“Sure,” said Finn. “I remember. It’s just one of the many reasons I left.”

Kylo met his eyes. He could almost hear his own screamed accusation on Starkiller Base. When he had called Finn a traitor and ripped his lightsaber up his back, leaving him for dead. Kylo didn’t enjoy the little prick of his conscience that accompanied that memory. But he did have to acknowledge that it was hardly any wonder that Finn’s opinion of him seemed set in stone.

“Your back?” he said tautly. “It healed?”

“After some time spent unconscious in a bacta tank, yeah,” said Finn. “And Rey fixed what was left after.”

Kylo bit at the inside of his lip at this mention of Rey. Suddenly missing her so much he wanted to fling Finn unceremoniously out the door so he could be as miserable as he liked. He resisted that temptation manfully.

“You happened to catch me on the worst night of my life,” he said instead.

“It wasn’t great for me either,” muttered Finn. _Or Han_ , he wanted to say.

Kylo shifted uncomfortably, wondering how long Finn intended on prolonging this horribly awkward conversation before he went to bed.

He drew a resolute breath, knowing what Rey would want him to do. “Look, I know this isn’t easy,” he said. “For either of us. But we should try to maintain some sort of ceasefire while we’re here. We need to be able to work together.”

Finn gave him a measuring look. “Okay. You’re probably right. We should at least attempt to act friendly.” He grinned a little ruefully. “Rose is getting a bit tired of me being annoyed with you anyway. And she can be pretty fierce.”

Kylo’s frown was hesitant. “So can Rey.”

“The first time I met Rose she zapped me with a stun prod,” said Finn reminiscently.

“Rey fired at me with a blaster,” said Kylo, willing to enter into the spirit of things if it allowed him talk about Rey. “And I’ve lost count of how many times she’s tried to murder me with a lightsaber.”

“Okay, you win,” shrugged Finn. “But at least Rey had good reason. You two have a murdery kinda history.”

“I have _never_ tried to murder Rey,” said Kylo rigidly. “Not even once.”

Finn wrinkled his nose wryly. “Starkiller? A tree? Don’t remember that?” He saw Kylo’s brows snap together. “Worst night of your life. Okay. Got it.”

“I hate myself for that,” said Kylo heatedly. “A lot more than you hate me for it, believe me.”

“Okay, okay!” said Finn hurriedly.

They were both silent, that tentative truce they had made wavering in the quiet of the room. After that silence had lingered for what felt much too long for comfort, Finn stole a glance over to see Kylo’s scowl had dissolved into his more everyday frown.

Because Kylo had realised he had an opportunity now to subtly probe his guest for information he lacked. After all, Finn was currently in a situation quite similar to his own. Kylo wasn’t terribly familiar with what constituted the routine lives of stormtroopers, but he suspected that the romantic aspects of these lives left much to be desired. And Finn was just starting out on a relationship with Rose, like he was with Rey.

“This thing with Rose,” he started and saw Finn’s eyes rise in surprise. “You left her to come here. Why would you want to do that?”

“I told you,” said Finn. “Remember? It was quite a long conversation. In front of the castle?”

“I remember it. You said you had to come here for all sorts of reasons,” said Kylo hurriedly, too anxious to avert another heartfelt speech to take offence at Finn’s tone. “But you were willing to leave Rose behind after you had just started, you know… to be with her.”

“I didn’t _want_ to leave her,” said Finn. “I had to. She understands.”

“I imagine it must not be easy to do that. If it’s something new.” Kylo’s eyes shifted under Finn’s bemused stare. “Or maybe if it’s something different than you’re used to.”

Finn’s eyes narrowed. “Why? What did Rey tell you?” He shook his head. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. I’m not ashamed. Rose is the first girl I’ve been in a romantic relationship with. So, yes, you’re right. It wasn’t easy to leave her.”

Kylo nodded pensively, frown still in place, and Finn sat still, uneasily bewildered by this bizarre line of questioning. It was even more bizarre that Kylo was beginning to look just as uncomfortable as he felt. An uncomfortable look that was shut down hastily when Kylo saw Finn staring at him.

“It must be difficult, to be in a romantic relationship for the first time,” said Kylo with a deliberately casual thoughtfulness. “To know what to expect. Or… or what to do in some ways.”

“Not exactly,” said Finn doubtfully. “A lot of it comes naturally if you love each other.”

Kylo was startled out of his feigned solicitude. “Love? Don’t you think it’s a bit soon for that?”

“No.” A little smile spread over Finn’s face. “Not if it feels right. And there’s nobody like Rose. She’s the best person in this entire galaxy.”

There’s nobody like _Rey_ , Kylo corrected him in his mind, feeling ridiculously annoyed by his guest’s fatuous statement. _She’s_ the best person in this entire galaxy. He quashed this sudden rush of resentment in an effort to stay on track.

“All the same,” he said with a look that Finn perceived as insufferably condescending. “I’d imagine you must be nervous about how you’ll be. You know, the first time you two get… the two of you get… intimate.”

“All right, that’s enough!” exploded Finn in disbelief. “Why would you ask me that? For a start, it’s none of your business. And second, no, I wasn’t nervous. It was the most incredible experience of my life. And third, just stop. I’m not talking to you about Rose anymore. Not like that.”

Kylo stared at him, concealing his discomfort as best he could. “I was just trying to make conversation. To be friendly, like we said.”

“But you are _not_ my friend,” Finn reminded him, still simmering. “And that is _not_ how friends speak to each other anyway. They don’t just ask personal questions like that when they barely know each other.” He laughed curtly. “What am I saying? Look who I’m talking to. It’s not like you’d know.”

“No,” said Kylo, and something in the quiet way he said that one word broke through Finn’s shocked outrage.

He looked at Kylo’s downcast face, a little chastened. Maybe Kylo hadn’t meant what he said in the way he had construed it. It was possible that he had asked him those odd questions out of some misguided attempt to act in a friendly manner. And Finn was conscious that he, himself, had been feeling increasingly defensive throughout this unexpected conversation. Perhaps he had misjudged Kylo’s intentions as a result of that.

But still, if Kylo did consider it was perfectly normal for friends to ask intrusive questions of each other, Finn could use this opportunity to put one of his own to him.

“What you said, in the High Command room,” he said. “About Rey. You called her Rey Solo. What was that about? Did you think they would accept you working with her if she had your name? Because I’m not sure it worked.”

“No,” said Kylo, looking a little wary now too. “It _is_ her name. I gave it to her.”

Finn’s eyes widened before his brows lowered. “You know you don’t just give someone your name like that? It usually means something. Something quite significant.”

“She didn’t have a family name, so I gave mine to her,” said Kylo with a stiff shrug. “It’s not like I’m using it.”

“But you do know that in some cultures giving someone your name means something?” persisted Finn. “Like, oh I don’t know, when two people get married, for example?”

“In some cultures, yes, I suppose so.” Kylo’s shrug was even stiffer than before.

“Does _Rey_ know that?” demanded Finn.

Kylo didn’t look at him. “I don’t know.”

A suspicion rose in Finn’s mind. One that had been growing within him ever since Rey had defended her Force connections with Kylo Ren on the journey to Kef-Bir. But Finn dispelled that suspicion resolutely. That was impossible. Rey, like Rose, was apt to look for the best in people. She was a kind person. Kind enough to take a chance on trusting Kylo Ren. That was it.

But Kylo Ren was a different matter. Rey was a very pretty girl, after all. And Kylo seemed to have a nasty tendency to whip off his shirt in her vicinity. Like he was performing some sort of animalistic courtship ritual, preening himself and puffing out that ridiculously massive chest before a prospective mate.

And Finn had another, very recent reason why he didn’t trust that the Supreme Leader would not be tempted to use that Force connection to foster a more sordid connection with Rey. That mistrust was heightened further by the heightened colour heating Kylo’s face.

“But that’s not what this is, is it?” he said. “This Force bond dyad thing, that’s all it is?”

“Wouldn’t that be one of those personal questions friends don’t ask each other?” countered Kylo swiftly.

“I think we’ve established we’re not friends,” said Finn. “And anyway, I’m asking out of concern for my _actual_ friend. Not out of… whatever reason you had for grilling me about Rose.”

Kylo’s full body blush was making his armpits uncomfortably sweaty. He took a cooling gulp of wine to soothe the flames burning treacherously in his cheeks, arranging his features into a veneer of cold implacability. Hating that he had put himself into this trapped situation. Because now he had to examine just why he had given Rey the name he himself had relinquished.

He _had_ wanted to give Rey something that belonged to him, hers to keep while they were apart. Knowing how ardently she longed for belonging, just as he did. But now he knew that hadn’t been the only reason. He had never intended this name to be taken as some temporary inconsequential gift.

And it hadn’t been a purely selfish act. Although Kylo’s heart still thrilled with pride at the thought of Rey claiming his name. An undeniable confirmation that she wanted to belong to him and him alone.

It was more than that. It had been a promise. Not just to her. To himself. A promise that somewhere down deep in his heart he hoped someday he could fulfil. A promise that he would become a man worthy of deserving such a sweet and precious prize.

But Finn was still watching him, looking more belligerently apprehensive by the second and Kylo needed to give him an answer.

“It’s just a Force bond thing,” he said.

“Good,” said Finn firmly. “Because Rey deserves someone good. Someone who knows how to treat her right. Who knows what depraved stuff you Dark Siders think is normal.”

At first Finn thought that Kylo’s guilty start confirmed that suspicious assumption. But his deepening flush and widening eyes gave him sudden pause. And now Finn was shocked into immobility. Remembering those strange probing questions about his relationship with Rose and seeing them in an entirely different light. As extraordinary as this new suspicion was, those questions made a whole lot more sense when viewed under that revealing lens.

As incredible as it seemed, Finn was beginning to suspect that Kylo Ren was even more totally and utterly clueless than he was. And that the intention behind those intrusive stilted questions had been nothing more than a woefully inept ruse to quiz Finn about sex. And Finn was pretty sure he knew the reason why.

All of this certainly made the Supreme Leader seem a lot less intimidating, but Finn was still wary of letting his guard down. Privately resolving to keep one eye open when he retired to bed, just in case Kylo attempted to burrow the information he sought from his sleeping mind during the night.

Kylo was supremely oblivious to the conclusions Finn had come to, too consumed with his own thoughts. Having suddenly remembered his head buried between Rey's thighs. That exciting feel of her shuddering against his lips, the delicious taste of her on his tongue. And wondering if what he had done could be considered a depraved act. It hadn’t felt depraved. It had felt like the closest thing to something divine than anything else Kylo had ever known.

“I’d never hurt Rey,” he said quietly.

“Okay,” said Finn after a moment. “I believe you.”

And even though Kylo had his Supreme Leader face on, albeit pinker than usual, Finn realised that he did believe him. Although that belief probably owed less to this declaration than it did to the discovery Finn had made before Kylo had returned to his chambers. A discovery he had made in the bottom drawer of the desk Kylo sat before now.

Leading Finn to believe that although he seriously doubted his blushing host’s denial of any amorous feelings for Rey, he intended her no harm. And as someone who had likewise suffered the pangs of what he had once assumed was unrequited desire, he could even feel a reluctant measure of pity for him.

It had been strange enough to find an old-fashioned ink pen and inks, incongruous finds in the midst of their modern sterile white surroundings. But what he had found underneath had been even stranger. Charmingly crafted little inked sketches.

Finn had been surprised to learn that the Supreme Leader was remarkably skilled at drawing, adept at capturing a subtle likeness, a poignantly rendered nuance of expression.

Even if these tenderly observed sketches depicted a more pensive and melancholy version of the person he knew, Finn had recognised Rey immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there was no Rey/Kylo interactions in here, but I was super excited to write this one as I really wanted to give Finn and Kylo a chance to get to know each other away from their significant others! And although there is a lot going on as regards plot in this chapter, I thought their dynamic could definitely inspire some comedic moments, as well as serve to reveal the ways Kylo has changed since the last time he set foot on the Steadfast.
> 
> And I also wanted to give Mitaka from TFA a shot to prove himself!
> 
> Lots and lots of grateful thanks to Sarah297 for her question about Kylo’s reasons for giving Rey his name and also her prompt about Kylo getting some research in while he was away! It was such a gift. They prompted me to rewrite the latter part of Finn and Kylo’s conversation to include Kylo's unsuccessful interrogation of Finn. It was so much fun to write and made me both giggle and cringe for Kylo in the best way! So thanks a million for that, Sarah! 💖


	30. Changes and Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey dreams and Palpatine schemes. Historic speeches are made across the galaxy, and Rey is shocked by two discoveries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another quite long one - more Rey in this instalment to check in on how she’s getting on without Kylo, who is about to really start to make some changes. So prepare for a very plot-heavy chapter, as well as the more predictable Rey and Kylo yearnings, of course!
> 
> No illustration update this time, I've been too busy!

_Rey is on Takodana, walking down the path by the lake, the breeze soft on her face._

_Her heart begins to beat faster when the pale sheen of a new moon on the water silhouettes a dark figure seated on the shore._

_“I thought I’d find you here,” says Ben Solo, and she stops a little distance away, too scared to hope._

_“Is this a dream?” she asks hesitantly._

_“I think so,” he says._

_Rey stays still. “Whose dream? Mine or yours?”_

_“I don’t know,” he answers. “Does it matter?”_

_The breeze seems to grow colder, whipping at the tendrils of hair around Rey’s face._

_“I think it does,” she says._

_She tenses as he draws himself up and walks towards her, stopping before her to look down into her face. Rey wants to touch him, but she is afraid that if she reaches out, he will disappear._

_“Why are you here?” she whispers._

_“The same reason you are,” he says._

_“I wanted to escape,” she says. “I thought I would feel happy here.”_

_The expression in his eyes is soft. “I was happy here. I could barely remember what that felt like.”_

_“I know,” she says and as they stare at each other, small smiles slink furtively over their faces._

_“I want to show you something,” says Ben. “It’s just a little further.”_

_Rey nods. She can’t stop staring at him as she falls into step beside him. His black locks are longer than she remembers, tangling around his profile, buffeted by the warm breeze. But he’s here, and Rey feels content slowly stealing into the places that empty sadness had made its home._

_This is a dream, she tells herself. You saw him a couple of hours ago. But it doesn’t feel like that._

_“Almost there,” says Ben and reaches for her hand._

_She takes it as they enter the glade where they swam under the sun. His hand is warm, his grip soft._

_At first, Rey thinks she sees a large round building with a massive arched doorway flanked by heavy columns. But it stirs under her gaze and now she sees it is a cloud of butterflies, their blue wings catching the light of the moon. They shift and shimmer and move, and now she sees another round building. A stone house, much smaller and half-hidden among the trees._

_“I wanted to tell you about this place before,” says Ben._

_He holds her hand more firmly and she looks up at him, suddenly a little shy. He is smiling._

_“Do you like it?” he asks, and her heart turns over._

_“I do,” says Rey gruffly. He swings her hand, and it twists around so she can wind her fingers through his. “Can’t we stay here?”_

_His smile tightens and he looks away, pulling her against him to wrap his arms around her. Rey exhales, closing her eyes and then breathes in, revelling in his warmth and strength and closeness._

_“Not now.”_

_His voice sounds strained and Rey holds him tighter, trying to store away the sensation of his body against hers. The sound of his deep voice reverberating under her cheek, the soothing touch of his hand stroking her hair. This hand pauses and she glances up. He is looking over her head, suddenly alert, as if he can hear something she cannot. He leans in and their lips meet in a kiss._

_“Find me here,” he whispers, and she is standing alone on the deserted shore._

_But not quite alone._

_Rey sits down on the grass, looking at the golden stone house, rosy in the first light of day and hugs her arms around her body, a smile lifting her lips._

_He had been here. He had made this for her. She isn’t quite alone._

Rey had awoken early. Rose still lay sleeping in the bunk beside her, and when she crept outside, the sun had not quite risen over the trees on the horizon. The sky directly above was deep blue, the underbellies of the still dark clouds a warm coral pink.

Like Kylo’s nose on the first day they had spent here by the lake, thought Rey, closing her eyes. Remembering the feel of his sun-warmed skin against hers, the soft press of his nose into her cheek before his lips touched hers. She clasped her knees closer and leaned her chin on her arms, opening her eyes to stare up at the brightening sky with a low whimper of longing.

How could she have spent her whole life not knowing the bliss of holding Kylo Ren close until those last few precious days? And how could she not have availed of that opportunity more when she had the chance?

Somewhere out there in the luckiest corner of the galaxy was Kylo Ren. Unhugged and unkissed. Rey pictured him walking down long dark echoing corridors. Issuing commands to faceless nameless First Order officers. She pictured him sleeping, his big pink lips relaxed in a soft pout, a lock of that silky hair strewn over his forehead.

But lovely as that image was, it only served to make Rey sadder. He would have nobody when he awoke to soothe his nightmares or kiss away his fears.

She should have gone with him. Even now, he was in danger and she was here, completely safe, uselessly looking out over a peaceful lake surrounded by friends. None of this felt right. And the Force hadn’t even seen fit to connect them.

But maybe that was because Kylo hadn’t been alone. There was so much he had to do. He would be busy. Maybe Finn was with him right now at this moment. And although that thought brought some comfort, it didn’t stop Rey from worrying. Why hadn’t the Force connected them?

She was jolted out of her anxious thoughts by a movement behind her.

“What has you up so early?” said Kaydel, planting herself down on the grass and stretching her legs out in front of her with a weary sigh.

“I couldn’t sleep,” said Rey uncomfortably. As much as she liked Kaydel, she unnerved her more than a little. Those limpid brown eyes had a way of seeing through any of Rey’s guileless evasions much too shrewdly.

“Me neither,” said Kaydel and then rolled her eyes. “Poe snores.”

“Oh,” said Rey.

“Yeah, I know, I know,” groaned Kaydel. “I don’t know what it is about that man I find so hard to resist. He drives me insane. Can you put a spell on me or something? Or maybe cover him head to toe in gross boils?”

Rey giggled. “I haven’t come across anything like that in the Jedi texts.”

“Pity,” said Kaydel. She threw Rey a sly look. “Sooo… what were you looking so miserable about? Missing the Supreme Leader?”

 _“No!”_ squeaked Rey.

“Oh alright, keep your secrets,” said Kaydel, observing Rey’s glowing cheeks with a grin. “Although I did hear the juiciest little rumour last night… Rey _Solo_.”

“What rumour?” quavered Rey, with a note of panic in her voice. Wondering just how indiscreet Lando had been after he left the table in the dining hall.

“I just said! Rey Solo.” Kaydel crinkled her brow at her. “Why? Is there another one I haven’t heard?”

“No, of course not,” said Rey, panic allayed.

“So it _is_ true!” Kaydel glanced at Rey’s hand. “He hasn’t got you a ring yet, I see.”

“A ring?” echoed Rey in confusion.

Kaydel laughed. “There’s no need to be coy. We all know what it means when you take a man’s name.”

“We do?” faltered Rey.

Now Kaydel looked surprised. “Or at least I thought we did.” She laughed at Rey’s puzzled apprehensive expression. “Seriously? Marriage, Rey! You take your husband’s name when you get married.”

“But I’m not married!” protested Rey. “I don’t have a family name. That’s why I took it. It was a nice… a nice gesture. That’s all.”

“Is that what _he_ said?” Kaydel smiled.

Rey stared back at her, face burning hotter. She had no intention of telling Kaydel anything Kylo had said. But now her mind was scurrying back over that conversation, wondering if she’d missed anything.

Kylo had not asked her to marry him. She was pretty sure of that. But had he known that bestowing a family name on another held a significance like that? Kaydel seemed to be sure he would have. Was that what Leia had meant when she welcomed her into her family? Did Rose know?

And now Rey’s stomach was bunching up in a giddy knot of nervous excitement at the thought of Kylo knowing the implications of giving a name to another. And she couldn’t help but remember the trepidation in his eyes when she had hesitated, the happiness she had seen there when she had taken it.

It had meant so much to her that he would want to give her something she had craved her entire life. That had been more than enough as it was. Maybe Kylo hadn’t asked her to marry him, but Rey was beginning to realise just how significant that precious gift he had given her could possibly be.

And she wished so much she had thanked him more. She _ached_ to see him. To tell him she loved her gift more than anything else she had ever owned.

“It wasn’t like that,” was all she said.

“We’ll see.” Kaydel’s smile was kind if a little incredulous. “I can’t imagine being able to say no to him if he did ask.” Her eyes grew dreamy. “Apart from being, well, the Supreme Leader of the First Order… I mean, just look at the man! He _is_ kinda stunning.”

“What about Poe?” whispered Rey a little anxiously.

“What?” Kaydel looked at her and then laughed. “Oh, Rey! Don’t worry. I wouldn’t dream of trying to steal your man. He doesn’t have eyes for anyone else but you anyway. Any fool can see that.” This time her sigh was more heavily morose. “I wish Poe looked at _me_ like that.”

Rey didn’t answer, too muddled with a combination of strange relief and a creeping unease that she and Kylo had been much too obvious.

“So you too still haven’t…?” Kaydel nudged Rey, “You know, done the deed?”

Rey didn’t even bother pretending she didn’t understand her. “No! Of course not,” she said firmly, hoping that this would put an end to Kaydel’s interrogation.

But Kaydel hadn’t finished. She gave her a searching look. “Okay, I believe you. Can you imagine what he’d be like though? All of that simmering rage unleashed! Like some sort of wild animal! Pheee- uw! I’d say it would be amazing. He’ll probably fling you all over the place,” said Kaydel with blissful relish, and then paused, a speculative frown descending.

“Although… all that pent up emotion let loose at once might be a bit of a disaster. He could be a crier.” She nodded darkly. “Yep, I could see that. Ugh! Not so great.”

She became aware of Rey staring at her wide-eyed and mute and wrapped an arm around her to give her a remorseful hug.

“Sorry! I got carried away for a moment there. I’m sure it will be fine. Don’t mind me. That was just me being silly.”

But Rey couldn’t look at her. It seemed like everyone had an opinion of what Kylo Ren would be like in bed. And now she was even more worried about the promise she had made to him.

Rey wasn’t sure she wanted to be flung about. Or for Kylo to erupt in some sort of explosion, like Lando had predicted. Even if he did cry afterwards.

Kylo woke from fitful sleep, unwilling to open his eyes to look upon the surroundings he knew would meet his gaze. He had no desire to acknowledge that he was here on the Steadfast, at least for a few more moments. Alone in this stark bare place, with no Rey lying beside him on his hard unyielding white lounge seat.

It was strange to miss something that was such a recent development so terribly, after he had spent his entire life waking up alone. But Kylo couldn’t help but compare this morning with the one before, when Rey was snuggled up in his arms. Why hadn’t he seen her?

Even though Palpatine had told Rey that the dyad had ended when they had restored his power, Kylo had never believed that. But now he was beginning to feel the first cold clutches of fear. The only reason he had been relatively resigned to leaving was because of his belief in the certainty that Rey would appear before him to brighten his stay on the Steadfast.

No. She would, he told himself. The Force had a tendency to connect them when they were caught in a quiet moment. And there hadn’t been very many of those, at least not for Kylo.

He and Finn had barely concluded their awkward conversation the night before when there had been a tentative knock on the door. Lieutenant Mitaka had steeled himself to find out if Kylo had been telling the truth. He had been a little more convinced when he met Finn and heard his story. Convinced enough to return later with a couple of other officers, including a rather nervous Tishra Kandia who was already a member of the High Command.

It appeared that the Supreme Leader was not the only member of the First Order who had been going through some sort of revelatory epiphany of late.

That was heartening, he knew, even though he had been becoming reluctantly aware that Finn should not be the only one addressing the troops the next day. Kylo’s rather dictatorial instructions to the High Command the day before would not be enough. Information trickled down through the ranks had a tendency to be warped and influenced along the way. The entire First Order needed to know the changes he had made and why he had made them.

And even though he had been lack lustre in his negotiations with the Resistance, Kylo knew he couldn’t afford to be so when he spoke to his own troops.

This conviction had become all the more decided when he heard Finn’s practice run of his speech. Impassioned, eloquent, and well-written, it would be sure to inspire belief and confidence in Finn’s arguments. It had also shaken Kylo more than he was prepared to let Finn know.

Because he had realised then just why the former stormtrooper had always grated on him so much. Why he had branded him a traitor with such fury and venom.

Finn _had_ been a traitor to the First Order. But that was not the reason Kylo Ren had hated him so bitterly. It had been his unequivocal commitment to his newly adopted cause with the Resistance. His clarity. Clarity that Kylo Ren had never been able to find, no matter what he had done. Particularly on that terrible night.

So sick to realise that after doing that one thing he had thought would finally give him that clarity, that sense of purpose, it had only made everything so much worse.

Finn did not have to bear that torment, that tearing of his soul. He had found the freedom and resolve Kylo Ren had bleakly realised he would never be destined to know.

And Kylo had been grudgingly made aware of more than that while listening to Finn’s rhetoric. Finn had paused in the midst of delivering his speech to alter the wording. He hadn’t been quite sure he had precisely captured the essence of the camaraderie he had found in the Resistance. And Kylo had said nothing because he was all too aware that he had nothing to offer. The only comparison he could draw on that could be remotely similar to that experience was his relationship with Rey. And that was far too special, far too intimate to share with Finn.

Ben Solo had always enjoyed hearing his parents’ tales of the Rebel Alliance as a child. But back then he had been more interested in space battles and narrow escapes and Jedi powers and the sheer adventure of it all. But as he grew older, his mother’s dedication to the welfare of the galaxy had become something he resented rather than admired. Something that took her away from him, as he had feared the Resistance would with Rey. He had known that his parents’ greatest friendships had come about as a result of the war. But it was only as he listened to Finn speak about something so similar that he had begun to understand why.

Finn. Rose. Rey. None of them had a family. Just like it had been for his mother after the destruction of Alderaan. Before she and Luke had known of their familial ties. Like his father. Even Chewie. They had chosen their own destinies. They had chosen to bond together. To fight for their freedom. For each other. It was what had given them strength and purpose.

He did understand that. Rey’s compassion and willingness to place her trust in him had given Kylo something to believe in after a lifetime of uncertainty. After everything she had been through, her courage and dauntless spirit was still incredible to him.

Kylo knew he could never be like Rey, have her faith in others, her certainty about what was right. But there was one thing he was sure of. Whatever Rey believed was the right thing to do must be the course he should follow. She was his light, and he could not let himself be crushed by uncertainty simply because she wasn’t physically here beside him.

She had taken his name. Rey Solo was waiting for him on Takodana. And until then, he had to prove to her that she had made the right decision to honour him by taking that name.

Rey. Kylo’s jaw clenched, his whole body yearning for the feel of her close to him.

Maybe the Force just needed a gentle nudge. Like he remembered the Millennium Falcon did when Han hadn’t flown her in a while. Kylo shoved off his blankets, drawing his knees up to cross his legs before him. He closed his eyes, laying his forearms on his relaxed knees, gathering the Force around him.

Pushing out, probing.

“Hey.”

Kylo’s eyes opened to see Finn regarding him curiously from the doorway of his bedchamber, datapad in hand.

“Were you meditating?” asked Finn.

“Sort of,” said Kylo, letting his knees slide down.

“Should I go away again?” said Finn dubiously. “It’s just that I added a couple of things to my speech. I was gonna run it by you to see how it sounded.”

“No, no,” said Kylo with admirable stoicism. “Come in.”

A flash of lightning lit up the dark cavern under the throne room on Exegol, glinting off the rows of gigantic gurgling octagonal tanks. Some that housed inhabitants so unspeakable, even the Knights averted their eyes as Pryde’s body creaked and clanked ahead of them on its slow mechanical contraption.

One of these inhabitants was all too recognisable, immobile but crouched close to the glass as if poised to spring. The Knights were surprised when Pryde passed it by to move on to the tank beyond it.

“Here we are.” The apparatus stopped, hissing as it lowered Pryde closer to the floor. “See what your efforts have brought into being.”

The Knights gathered round, looking into the murky green liquid somewhat fearfully, until it was illuminated by a jagged fork of light and they could see the shape within.

“Now I understand,” said Ap’lek.

Vicrul stepped back. “That’s impossible,” he said shakily.

Pryde’s mouth opened in a hideous imitation of a smile. “Not to me. Soon it will be ready, and I shall be freed from these tedious bindings.”

Cardo lifted his gaze from the creature in the tank. “But why -?”

“I have my reasons,” said Pryde. “They are not for you to know as yet.”

“How soon can it be ready?” said Ap’lek. “You know Kylo Ren is back with the First Order and he has joined forces with the Resistance. He has the holocron and plots against us with the girl. He’ll be here soon. We must be ready.”

Pryde laughed, the sound echoing hollowly off the walls. “Let him come. I do not fear him. I do not fear the Skywalkers. I know their weaknesses. I can snap the boy like a twig whenever I like. And now I have the means to destroy the girl just as easily. Now that I can take away what little she has left.”

Kylo and Finn waited in varying states of unease and mounting tension while the crowds of stormtroopers were ushered in an orderly fashion into the main hanger by their commanding officers.

Finn was becoming more and more nervous now that the speech he had agonised over was finally about to be delivered. For real this time. Suddenly the words he had become confident would make such a difference seemed paltry, even ludicrously sentimental in the face of what lay ahead. And he couldn’t help but feel a creeping doubt that he had misjudged his former comrades.

How many of them really felt as he had? That there had to be something more beyond their mundane existence in the First Order? How many of them had been forced into a more submissive state of mind by reconditioning? And how could any words of his reverse all of those years of indoctrination to convince them?

Finn had initially been relieved when Kylo had said he would speak to the troops first, to prepare them for such a drastic proclamation. Alert them to the changes in the First Order’s practices so Finn’s speech would not seem like a rallying call for some sort of insurrection. But Finn was beginning to wish that he had insisted on speaking first, nevertheless. Just so it would be over as quickly as possible.

Lieutenant Mitaka was only just discovering now his Supreme Leader’s intentions to address the entirety of the First Order, as well as whoever else would be listening from afar. He was glad of it, even if the sight of Kylo, once more attired in his close-fitting black tunic and sweeping cloak, brought back some uncomfortable memories of a time when Kylo Ren had been much more formidable.

But this Kylo Ren, as familiarly stern as he looked now, _was_ a different person to that ferocious creature he had been then. That untamed monster who had let his rage erupt in such savage bursts of destruction. Mitaka didn’t quake before him now as he had then, determined to hide his own reservations about the actions of an organisation he had been increasingly more disillusioned by.

But this Supreme Leader _did_ believe in order. Not an order like Snoke had envisioned, a crushing, unforgiving kind of order, relentlessly grinding down any resistance in its path to accomplish its goals. Kylo Ren’s concept of order was what a younger Dopheld Mitaka had idealistically imagined the First Order stood for when he had sailed through his exams to graduate top of his class at the academy.

An order that looked for a reasonable resolution of the galaxy’s disputes, from a stance based on understanding these conflicts, instead of rushing headlong into resolving them through brute military force. Although Mitaka had no reservations about using this force to overturn Palpatine’s plans. However bad Snoke’s reign had been, Palpatine’s sounded like it promised to be a whole lot worse.

“General Engell has informed me the communications have been set up. We are prepared to broadcast whenever you’re ready, sir,” he said.

Kylo nodded tensely. “Make sure of it. This has to go according to plan.”

“Yes, sir,” said Mitaka, about to leave to do so. He stopped, wanting to say something more, but unsure of how it would be received. He took the plunge.

“What you’re doing today, sir. It will work. I know it. This is a moment that will one day be documented in history. For all of the right reasons.” He saw Kylo’s eyes flick to his in surprise and was relieved to find there was no anger there at his presumption.

“I hope so,” was all Kylo said quietly.

“Good luck, sir,” said Mitaka with a nervous smiling nod, before leaving to oversee the transmission.

Unlike Finn, Kylo hadn’t had time to organise exactly what he was about to say to the amassed troops. He wasn’t even sure what it was he wanted to say. And now, when the time had come to speak, he was finding it hard to think of anything other than Rey and his mother, so far away on the beautiful green planet of Takodana. Unaware that they would see him or hear him in just a few short moments. And more than anything he wanted to make sure that what he did say would not disappoint them.

Kylo imagined Rey in Maz’s castle right at this moment. He pictured that lovely face and held it in his mind. He wanted to make those beautiful wide eyes shine with hope, with pleasure. With pride that she had not been wrong to let him kiss her and touch her and promise her things he had been so afraid he could never fulfil. He wanted Rey to be absolutely and completely certain that she had been proven right to trust him.

But it was only now, as he stepped forward to stand behind the podium in the centre of the raised platform, Kylo realised he wanted more than that. He had an opportunity now to do something important. Something good.

He saw the upturned helmets of countless soldiers raised to look at him and felt a surge of giddy exhilaration overtake any qualms that had clutched him.

He could do this. He _wanted_ to do this. Because Kylo now knew exactly what it was he had to say. Even if he was going to find some of it very, very difficult to utter aloud.

Maz’s dining hall was crammed, so tightly that Rey had to struggle to reach Rose who was busy making the last of her preparations. The Resistance had been joined by the delegates from the Outer Rim, who had alerted their home worlds and other systems in the inner and mid rim, sending them Rose’s configurations so the transmission could be spread as widely as possible. Even Hux and the stormtroopers had been released from their cells under heavy guard to stand by the entrance to the cellars.

“Okay.” Rose dropped down from where she stood, ludicrously tiny beside Chewbacca as he secured the holoprojector in place over the bar counter. “That should do it. Artoo?”

Artoo bleeped joyously back at her as he whirred the final lead in place, and she turned to BB-8. “Volume?”

BB-8 flicked out his arc welder with an affirmative chirp and Rose could finally subside beside Rey.

She smiled nervously. “And now we wait.”

Rey’s hand found hers and closed over it. “He’ll be fine. He knows what he’s doing.”

Rose nodded, but her inner unease was harder to quell. At this point, all she wanted was to see Finn, safe and well. His speech, which had seemed so important such a short time ago, was a definite second to that.

“I just hope they’ll remember to broadcast on the frequency I set up,” she said.

“They will,” said Leia positively, although her eyes were glued as apprehensively to the humming holoprojector as everyone else’s.

There was a whoop from Poe as a flicker ran over it, accompanied by a static crackle of noise. The blue-tinged image was indistinct and wavering at first, but then Rey’s breath snatched at her throat as a sudden hush fell over the dining hall.

The unmistakeable figure of Kylo Ren towered high over the crowded bar, huge and forbidding looking in his Supreme Leader uniform.

“We should have given him something else to wear,” fretted Leia to Lando, at the same time an agonised “Where’s Finn?” burst from Rose.

“There!” said Poe, pointing at Finn, swimming into focus a little behind Kylo.

Rose’s hands clapped to her cheeks in relief as a cheer rose in the cantina.

Cheer for Kylo too, thought Rey fretfully, seeing him stand straighter, his ungloved fists clenched tight by his sides. She saw his mouth working, his eyelids flutter as he stepped forward, and her heart thumped and fell.

“Oh, _Ben!”_ she whispered in a sudden painful burst of anxious tenderness. He was nervous and she should be there with him. Rey closed her eyes, pulling the Force to her before letting it stream out, slow and steady.

“Ben,” she breathed and felt Leia’s hand light on her shoulder. But she didn’t have time to turn because Kylo had started to speak, scattering her calm.

At first, she could barely take in what he was saying over her racing heart, her racing mind, but the measured cadence of his words gradually soothed her. And then she could listen to those words as Leia’s hand tightened on her shoulder.

“That’s my boy,” whispered his mother, and Rey was shocked to realise she was right. Not for nothing had Ben Solo spent years as a member of his mother’s entourage, or had her blood running through his veins.

He was _good_.

His delivery was a little stiff and austere perhaps, but his deep voice was as compelling as the intensity burning in his dark eyes. Only a couple of people in this room, herself included, would be aware that the little furrow between Kylo’s brows and the slightly husky tone in his voice hinted at inner strain.

He was speaking of Snoke, of his injustice and tyranny. Of his own leadership and how it had taken him too long to change the manner in which the First Order governed the systems they controlled. He spoke of Palpatine and the new threat that was poised to tear the galaxy apart.

His words were not a simple plagiarized copy of his mother’s when she had spoken to the delegates. They were his own. And they were words that Rey had never thought she would hear uttered from Kylo’s lips. Her hand rose to squeeze Leia’s as Rose’s hand squeezed hers, and she swallowed, almost too overwhelmed by the pride she felt blossoming inside her.

“The First Order was built on the remains of the empire,” Kylo was saying. “An empire built by one man, whose only goal was to take control of the entire galaxy for himself, by whatever means he saw fit. Ruthlessly obliterating or subjugating whatever systems obstructed this goal. A tyrant, greedy for power above all else. Snoke had been another such man.”

Kylo drew a breath. This was the part he had been dreading. But it was too necessary a part to omit. He could do this.

“Maybe I too was once a man like that. But I am not that man anymore. I know there have always been rumours about who I am. Who I was before I put on the mask of Kylo Ren. It is now time to settle these rumours, once and for all.

“My grandfather _was_ Darth Vader, the right hand of Emperor Palpatine, as I was Snoke’s. But what most of you probably don’t know is that Darth Vader had once been known by another name. Anakin Skywalker. Jedi knight and father of Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa. Or you might not know that he renounced his ways before his death, turning on Palpatine to save his son and returning once more to the Light.

“Before I became master of the Knights of Ren, I too had another name. Solo. The name of my father, the Rebel Alliance hero, Han Solo. And now the name of another, the Jedi Rey from Jakku, who fights alongside my mother in the Resistance.

“We have put aside our differences to come together. To fight together, as my grandfather and uncle did before me, to strike down and eliminate Palpatine’s quest for ultimate power.”

Kylo’s voice echoed in the quiet of the huge hanger on the Steadfast, a quiet that was matched in that smaller space on Takodana. Rey’s hands in Rose’s and Leia’s were as crushed and clenched as her heart as she gazed up at him. So vulnerable, so rivetingly commanding in that vulnerability she couldn’t quite believe the evidence of her ears or her eyes.

Kylo Ren had always been beautiful to Rey, even when she hadn’t wanted to admit that to herself. But this magnificent creature, so tall and handsome and eloquent was breath-taking. Awe-inspiring. She didn’t know whether she wanted to leap into the holoprojection to fling herself around his neck and hug him and kiss him and cry or kneel at his feet to kiss them.

But, thought Rey a little deliriously, if Kylo Ren wanted to bounce her off every wall of the Falcon and explode all over her while crying, at this very moment she would not say no.

It was as well that Kylo was not privy to these burning sentiments scorching through Rey on Takodana, as they would have certainly hindered the now fluent flow of his speech.

“It is time for us all to put our differences aside,” he continued. “I hereby vow that the First Order pledges to unite with the Resistance and all other systems to rid the galaxy of this threat to a peaceful existence. This is no temporary truce. No meaningless political ploy that will be overturned on a whim.

“My eyes have been opened to the hardships and suffering under the rule of the First Order. Be certain I will not allow this to continue. Nor shall I allow the Final Order to wreak further devastation.”

Kylo shifted position for a moment, his hands rising to grasp the podium before him. His voice was lower now.

“Palpatine will not win. He cannot win. I believe that. It is time to let old things die. Old grudges and rivalries and wounds. We must overcome these, find a way to heal and join together to embrace a common cause.

“You are not alone. Wherever you are in the galaxy, we stand together. It is up to all of us to pull together and fight for a greater and better future. We all have someone we care about. Fight for that person, if for nothing else. Because freedom and fairness hang in the balance for each and every one of us.”

There was no applause in Maz’s hushed dining hall after Kylo stopped speaking. Apart from a proud elongated howl from Chewbacca that sent a titter rippling through the packed room, easing the tension. But it didn’t anger Rey or worry her in the slightest.

There was no need for applause. Throughout Kylo’s speech, over the beat of her own overflowing heart she had felt it.

Wavering at first, and then growing in strength as it took root, like the hardy little saplings by the lake. Something pure and potent, a beacon in the Force around them.

Hope.

Rey glanced around at Leia to see her eyes as wet with tears as her own, Chewie’s arm slung around her shoulders.

Poe raised his eyebrows. “Not bad,” he said.

Rey smiled back tremulously, not even discomfited when Kaydel mouthed “Marry me, Kylo!” swooningly at her from beside Poe.

“Finn!” gasped Rose, her grip tightening again fiercely on Rey’s fingers.

Finn’s voice almost deserted him as he stepped up to the podium Kylo had vacated. Before him in the vast hanger, row upon row of silent stormtroopers watched him, and he wondered if he was recognised by any of them. Or was his particular troop watching him from some distant planet? Like Rose was.

Finn cleared his throat as surreptitiously as possible and began to speak, much too quickly, and the shake in his voice jolted him once more into silence.

His eyes flickered in momentary dread to where Kylo stood, his hands clasped in front of him. He saw Kylo’s lips tighten, his head tilt in a barely perceptible encouraging nod. He nodded back and reached into his tunic to clasp the medallion Rose had given him. Her medallion that meant so much to her.

He took a deep breath, refocusing on the troops standing in front of him. Standing just like he had so many times before to listen to a general deliver a rallying speech. Empty meaningless vitriol that had never rang true. What would he have given to hear a speech like Kylo Ren’s? Like the one he, himself, had spent hours composing and perfecting?

And so Finn began again, the words he had prepared flowing easier now from his lips. Interspersed with ones he hadn’t thought of until this very moment. Because this was real, and important and right, and he believed every word he spoke. It didn’t matter that he was nervous.

And now he wasn’t. Not anymore.

He did believe that every individual in the ranked files below him had a choice to make. A choice that was all their own. He did believe that their lives were every bit as important and valuable as his was. Or their generals’, or those of every member of the Resistance. And what they did with those lives was their decision to make.

He did believe that these stormtroopers standing before him had hearts and minds and consciences just like everybody else. And that they would know the right thing to do. He knew that they, like him, would not be able to bear the thought of another tyrant crushing the spirits and individuality of countless others.

He did believe that they didn’t deserve to have had their lives stolen from them like his was. He did believe that it was a horrific and tragic crime that should never have occurred and should never be allowed happen again. But he also knew that this crime should not be allowed embitter their minds or control their destinies indefinitely.

They might have been cruelly deprived of their families, but that did not mean that they couldn’t belong. Somewhere, to somebody. To each other. They were not the sum of their uniforms. Masked, faceless drones awaiting instruction like Palpatine’s clones Kylo had spoken of earlier.

Finn believed all of it. He knew how it felt to remove that mask. To let Rey see him for who he was underneath it. To let Poe befriend him. To let Rose love him.

He had not intended to incite the stormtroopers to take off their masks, but he did. And he was not prepared for the feeling that washed over him as the first stormtroopers began to remove their helmets, revealing wary yet resolute faces. And then more, and more, until Finn was looking out over a shifting sea of human faces. All of them different, all of them uncertain, but growing in confidence with every passing moment.

And he was not prepared for the cheer that grew from one rebellious corner to sweep through the crowd as helmets were lifted, and in some cases, flung into the air. Or General Engell pushing him aside to sternly remind them that they would need their helmets if they intended to go into battle safely.

Finn stepped back, trembling and wide-eyed and breathless to stand beside Kylo.

“Wow,” he said furtively.

“We’ve either got a riot on our hands or something pretty incredible just happened,” said Kylo out of the corner of his mouth. “Let’s hope for pretty incredible.”

In Maz Kanata’s dining hall, the cheers echoing those of the stormtroopers so far away, long outlasted the transmission that had ended some time before. Only Hux stood still, his eyes flinty with outraged indignation as his stormtroopers applauded beside him.

Rey, released finally from Rose’s hug, had also noticed that someone else had not reacted in the jubilant manner his comrades had.

Beaumont Kin had disappeared outside soon after the holoprojector had whirred into silence. When Kylo had been speaking, she had been too absorbed in listening to be conscious of anyone or anything else. But her heightened senses had made her gradually aware of Kin’s immobile face and tense stance throughout Finn’s speech. Of his quick glance at Hux as the first stormtrooper let out a tentative whoop.

And now some instinct coaxed her to slip out through the throng, to find him sitting hunched on the lowest step leading up to the castle.

Rey stopped before she reached him, unsure of what to expect or what to say. She didn’t really know Beaumont Kin. She knew he had joined the Resistance some time after they had settled on Ajan Kloss. But that had been during that time when she had been careful to keep her distance from others, immersing herself in training and deciphering Luke’s texts.

But a shudder running through his shoulders now sparked her into movement.

“Are you okay?” she said and then he turned, to look at her dully through reddened eyes.

He shook his head wordlessly.

Rey sat down cautiously a little further along the step. “It did get a bit emotional in there,” she said sympathetically and then frowned as he snorted almost despairingly.

“Sure,” he said. “Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be celebrating?”

“I thought… it looked like you were upset about something,” said Rey, acutely conscious that she did not possess Rose’s skills at drawing people out.

He gave her a twisted smile. “You wouldn’t want to sit here if you knew why.”

Rey said nothing, aware of an ignoble wish that she hadn’t followed him outside. He wasn’t looking at her anymore, but out over the lake, his eyes glassy.

“None of this makes sense,” he said, so quietly she wasn’t sure she was supposed to hear it. Or answer him. “What’s right, or wrong, if the Supreme Leader speaks for the Resistance? If all that we’ve fought for comes to this?”

Rey’s brow wrinkled. “This _is_ what we’ve been fighting for. I know you don’t like Kylo, or don’t approve -”

“Don’t _like_ him?” Kin shook his head with a bitter stunned little laugh. “Don’t _like_ Kylo Ren?”

And now Rey was remembering his look to Hux earlier. It had been such a strange look, one that she was only starting to understand now. She stood up suddenly, head spinning in shock, her hand whipping to the lightsaber at her side.

“It was _you!”_ she blurted out. “You set Hux free! It was _you!”_

Beaumont Kin didn’t move, apart from to raise his head to look at her, to see her hand hovering over her saber. 

“What are you going to do?” he said dully. “Kill me? For attempting to assassinate an enemy?”

Rey stared at him, the dread that had flooded her as she ran to where Kylo stood as real to her now as it was then. That terror that had clutched her as she reached out with the Force to stall Hux’s blaster fire.

Kylo could have been taken from her. All of those sweet, sweet things that had happened in the wake of Hux’s mutiny might never have happened. And Rose and Finn might have been killed before they got the chance to be together at last.

And all of this was Kin’s doing.

“I should,” she ground out. “Why did you do it? For Hux? I don’t understand. Why? Are you a spy?”

“Hux?” said Kin shakily. “No. I thought he would be killed along with Kylo Ren. I did it for the Resistance.”

“The Resistance?” Rey’s voice was sharp with anger. And fear. If someone in the Resistance that she had trusted without question was capable of this, how much danger was Kylo in among the First Order? “He’s Leia’s son! Did you think she would thank you for it?”

Kin didn’t answer, his face contorting as he buried it in his hands. Rey watched him in disgusted horror, barely even wanting to acknowledge that tiniest sliver of reluctant pity edging through it.

“Get up,” she grated. “You’re going in there to tell her what you did.”

“I can’t,” sobbed the muffled reply.

Rey pulled his shoulder back roughly and Beaumont Kin raised his head in miserable surprise.

“Yes. You can, and you will,” she said between gritted teeth. “You think Kylo Ren is the monster? Look at yourself! Did you not hear anything he said in his speech? He is a much, much better man than you will ever be.”

Kin staggered up, staring at her in stupefied astonishment.

Rey shoved him towards the door. “Tell her. Believe me, Leia will take this a lot better coming from you than if she has to hear it from me. Because I am in no mood to beg for mercy for you. Get in there before I change my mind and decide to go with the lightsaber instead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t resist making Beaumont Kin the traitor in this, unashamedly petty I know, because I deeply resented JJ putting his bro’s before Rose in TROS. (Sorry Dominic, I still love you! It could just as easily have been Snap Wexley, though he was in TFA first, so…)  
> Also sorry Poe, I stole your line for Kylo! 
> 
> So the stormtrooper rebellion in this fic is a movement that develops from inside the First Order, rather than an all-out mutiny. I like the idea that positive change can occur even within an organisation so corrupt. Redemption for all, I say! Or the opportunity for redemption, at least. I hope it doesn’t feel too easy or unearned, but I admit the B plot of the Resistance/First Order was never what interested me most in the Sequel Trilogy, so I don’t want to spend too much time on it! There’s a lot of other strands I want to pull on from other parts of the entire Skywalker Saga before I finish this, so I wanted to get it done quickly enough!
> 
> And I really wanted Kylo to publicly acknowledge his past and the legacy of his family. I also liked the idea that Kylo would repeat the words he spoke in the throne room in TLJ, but with a different nuance to show how he has changed since then.
> 
> Thanks so much as ever for the Kudos and comments and bookmarks et al! 💖 They make me so happy!


	31. Something Borrowed...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Force connection is simultaneously uncomfortable, delightful and unsatisfying. Leia muses on the past, Rose has a brainwave and Rey has a disturbing dream. Finn and Kylo receive some welcome news, and Rey receives a precious gift from Leia and masters a new skill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of those chapters where things have to get done to set up the story for later chapters. Bear with me, it’s not as exciting or momentous as the previous one, but it is very necessary. Even if some parts of this chapter are very, very silly just to lighten the mood. 
> 
> Warning – inappropriate misuse of the Force bond in the beginning of this chapter! (Followed by an inappropriate misuse of… himself by Kylo. 😉) Plus more cringeworthy embarrassment of a sexual nature because I enjoy writing that way too much.
> 
> New illustration up at the end of Chapter 11. An Unpopular Plan and an Unwelcome Present. Kylo sneakily watching Rey chowing down!

Rey dreaded going to bed. Without the stupefying effects of Takodana Quenchers this time to aid her sleep, she had no desire to lie alone in her bunk with no big strong snuggly Kylo Ren arms to hold her tight. And the fact that she still hadn’t heard anything from the one in possession of these big strong snuggly arms was beginning to worry her more and more. She had almost given up hope, preparing to resign herself to yet another restless night, when she felt it.

That gathering in the Force, that urgency that curled around her permeated by a new tingling warmth she hadn’t felt before.

“Ben!” she yelped, almost toppling over in her hurry to hop out of the remaining leg of the trousers she had been discarding in readiness for bed.

“What! Where?” Rose sat up, staring around her in fright until she realised what Rey alluded to. “Oh, the Force? Is he.. is he here?”

“Not yet.” Rey glanced around her eagerly, her heart spiralling. _Ben!_

“I’ll go,” said Rose hurriedly, scrambling out of bed and dragging her covers around her. “Send Finn my love.”

“I will!” squeaked Rey.

_And now he is here. At last._

_His eyes popping open to stare into hers from his cross-legged position on the ground._

_“Ben!” she whimpers, falling to her knees to scramble towards him._

_Kylo is still dressed in his Supreme Leader’s uniform, but he has shed his boots and his tunic is undone half-way down his chest. The sensation Rey feels seeing that revealed skin is almost like a pain. She longs to touch it, feel it smooth and warm under her fingertips._

_“Rey!” he says, shifting upwards until he’s kneeling in front of her. His eyes roam over her hungrily, taking in every little detail he has been starved of. She’s wearing little white pants similar to those she had worn by the lake. That have become legendary in his imagination ever since._

_Kylo hauls his gaze upwards with an effort. “Were you in bed? Did I wake you?”_

_“No, not yet,” she says. “But what do you mean? Did you do this?”_

_“I did it before on Kef-Bir,” he reminds her. And now he’s remembering what he did after that. He stretches out his hand. “Take me to you.”_

_Rey’s heart leaps as her hand rises and she feels the Force surging around it, pulling her to him. But now she pauses, a frown descending on her brow._

_“Wait, what about Finn?”_

_“He’ll be fine. I can steal a ship and come back for him in the morning.”_

_A shaky little laugh leaves her lips. “Ben!”_

_Kylo groans and drops his hand. “Okay. I won’t.” His gaze is a little hopeless. “I miss you.”_

_“I miss you,” echoes Rey with feeling, as wretchedly empty-armed as he is. But she is determined not to be sad. He is here at last, even if she can’t hold him like she yearns to. “I saw your speech. It was really, really good.”_

_And now the edge of a rounded ear poking through his tousled hair is pinkening. “You liked it?”_

_“I did,” she breathes. “We all did. Except maybe Hux.” She doesn’t want to waste a precious moment of this telling him about Beaumont Kin._

_Just as Kylo doesn’t want to waste time talking about General Quinn. Although he should probably let her know about Pryde and the Knights of Ren. He opens his mouth, but she speaks first._

_“Rose asked me to give you a message for Finn.” Rey is about to say what that message is, and then falters, her face flushing. It will be strange to say those words aloud to Kylo. But she promised Rose._

_“She sends him her love,” she says, and is very, very conscious of how embarrassingly thick and husky that last word sounds in her ears. His eyes widen, searching her face and she wishes her cheeks weren’t burning. But maybe he hasn’t noticed._

_He has, and Kylo’s heart thuds faster in his chest. “Do you remember you asked me if we could kiss through the Force?” he says, edging closer on his knees._

_Rey nods breathlessly._

_“Do you want to try?” he asks._

_Of course she does. More than anything she has ever wanted before. Rey shuffles forward until she’s nose to nose with Kylo._

_“Very quickly,” he says hurriedly. “Before we do, I should tell you General Pryde has escaped with the Knights of Ren. I think they’ve gone to Exegol.”_

_Rey nods. “Okay,” she says, but she’s looking at his lips so close to hers she can almost feel his breath on her face. Almost._

_The light dims around her and Kylo can feel the first tugs of the Force taking her away from him._

_No!_

_He leans in and touches his lips to hers. A quiver, so pure it burns, sears through him. A throb in the Force, binding them together, as if they had both reached out at the same time to wrap it around them._

_And maybe they had, because now Rey can feel Kylo’s desire for her, as strong and vibrant and desperate as hers is for him. They jolt apart to stare into each other’s eyes. Too thrilled to care if this sudden union of touch and mind flings them from one corner of the galaxy to the other. Too excited by what they can see in each other’s minds._

_Rey’s hand scrabbles for Kylo’s fastenings as urgently as his delves down into those little white pants. The Force igniting and sparking around them as fingers encounter soft skin. That special soft skin only they know. Caressing and stroking and slipping and sliding in blissful delight._

But alas, what neither Rey or Kylo realised was that the Force, forgotten and disregarded thus, can only be neglected for so long.

The last stuttering surges waned and ebbed, regrettably going unnoticed and unheeded by these two enraptured lovers until it was too late _._

She was gone.

And Kylo was left abandoned and alone in his quarters on the Steadfast. Suddenly bereft of Rey’s touch, and ludicrously, indecently protruding out of his undone trousers. A fleeting urge to resume Rey’s attentions assailed him with an intensity almost as acute as his despair at her departure.

Kylo slammed shut that prudish part of his mind before it could censure with him for such a notion. He reached down to take himself in hand, a moan ripping from his throat as his grip, less exciting but more demanding than Rey’s, began to recapture that glorious tension in his body. Dragging electrifying jolts of pleasure from that unashamed part of him that longed so much for her.

It was only as Kylo became dizzyingly aware of his own rasping breath, the obscenely loud sound of his actions echoing off the metallic surfaces around him, that the reality of his situation hit home with sudden clarity.

He wasn’t alone. In the heat of the moment he had completely forgotten the existence of Finn, asleep in the bedchamber beyond. Who could at any moment sally forth to be greeted by the shocking sight of the Supreme Leader kneeling on the floor, busily engaged in bringing himself to completion.

Kylo fastened himself up with some difficulty and a frustrated groan. Slumping back on his heels heavily to gasp in the cool regulated air of his chambers as quietly as he could. In this silent, sterile, white, empty room. In all of this sleek shiny metal surrounded by the vast cold dark emptiness of space. Where there was no Rey.

But even as his heart began to ease into a more settled steady beat, he could still feel the touch of Rey’s hand. The ghost of her kiss. Warm and soft and yielding.

As warm and soft and yielding as her eyes had been. When her voice had hitched on that one little word.

Leia wandered through the quiet corridors of the Tantive IV until she reached her quarters. It had been a long day and it was late, but her mind still raced, too full for her to even consider going to bed yet. She wouldn’t sleep.

Ben and Finn’s speeches had been more successful than she could have ever hoped. The Outer Rim delegates, spurred into action, were now poised to sign the treaty to provide aid the next day. And even more valuably, to rally for volunteers and assemble troops to swell the ranks of the Resistance.

And that wasn’t all. Leia was now in receipt of countless communiques from old acquaintances on numerous inner rim and mid rim planets, concerned about Kylo’s reveal about the return of Palpatine.

And now Leia’s diplomatic soul urged her to organise yet another function, this time to express her appreciation to these new allies before they departed and hopefully to welcome more.

There was so much to think about. So many aspects to be considered; from provision of accommodation for new arrivals to the choices of music and food that might best honour their guests. Leia closed the door of her chambers, staring unseeingly about her. Her eyes lit on a large concealed cupboard built into the wall of the passage that led to her bedchamber.

A little frown disturbed her brow and she moved forward to slide it open, her hand gently sifting through the intricate garments that hung there.

“Mother,” she whispered, sinking her face into cool, delicate silk. And now she could admit to herself that she had been deliberately trying to keep her mind busy all day. Too busy to think about everything else that had itched deep under the surface of her thoughts.

Beaumont Kin, now inhabiting the cell next to Hux, had retrieved these dresses with Nien Numb, after she had thought them lost forever. Her one last link to her mother, now that she had ceased to haunt her dreams. How could someone so thoughtful, so unfailingly kind, have plotted to take away the only family she had left? Kin’s misery did not console her. It couldn’t.

It reminded her far too much of her son’s abject despair on the first night she had arrived on Takodana. It reminded her too much that he wasn’t here with her now.

Her Ben. Standing so tall and firm and resolute, despite that quake in his voice and whatever uncertainty yet dwelled in his heart. Her pride had swelled and flourished until she had felt stifled and suffocated. And all she had been able to do was hold Rey’s hand, grip Chewie’s warm fur, because she couldn’t hold the one person she wanted to.

Ben, who was still so far away and distant, even when he was beside her. Even when she had held him in her arms on the Falcon. He had apologized and cried and submitted docilely to her embrace, but she had sensed him shrinking away, hiding a part of himself from her.

She had told herself then that he needed time. And she knew he did. She probably did too. But it had been so difficult to stop herself from coaxing him to open up to her.

Leia lifted her head from her mother’s dress, smoothing it back into place. Even if she could speak to her, she doubted her sad little mother could help her. She had been betrayed by the one she loved most and lost him forever. She had not known how to mend him.

“Han,” she whispered. “What do I do?”

And as if he stood before her, she could see Han smile, shaking his head.

_“You have gotta stop worrying, sweetheart. I was awful when I was his age too. He’ll come round.”_

Leia’s smile trembled. Because she had always known something Han hadn’t. Something she should never have hidden from him. It had never been as simple as that and it wasn’t now.

But even now, if she could, Leia still would let Han put his arm around her and give her a reassuring hug. She would still let him murmur into her hair; _“Want me to take him? Let him come with me and Chewie on the Falcon? It’d do him good to get out more. Get his nose out of those books.”_

And she would still let herself believe him, even if only for a little while, because everything had always seemed better when Han’s arm was around her.

Rey had been much too excited after her all too short Force connection with Kylo to sleep for a long time after she curled up in her bunk. It had been only after her last furtive whispers had gone unanswered that she had realised Rose had drifted off to sleep.

She had turned onto her back then, to gaze up at the ceiling, whiling away long hours thinking about what she and Kylo had done. And that kiss that had started it all.

That kiss that had been so much nicer than anything she could have imagined when she had tentatively proposed it only a little over a week ago. And now Rey couldn’t wait for more. Even if they would inevitably lead to that _other thing_ she was trying very hard not to be worried about. It was only as the first streaks of dawn broke through the dark skies over Takodana that her eyes closed at last. 

And so when morning came, Rose, refreshed from a lengthy undisturbed night’s slumber, found it impossible to stir her sleeping friend before she gave up and went outside to stretch her legs. Rose’s brain always worked that little bit better in the morning, untroubled yet by what the day would bring. But this time it was too full of Finn, so far away, so unreachable, to think of much else.

Or was it? Rose stopped, frowning abstractedly at a porg hopping companionably ahead of her. Finn so far away… in the First Order… with Kylo Ren… Kylo Ren’s TIE Interceptor… First Order stealth tech… Rose’s frown deepened before disappearing entirely.

“Oh!” she breathed.

Her brain _did_ work better in the morning.

It was over an hour later before Rose brought her hurriedly cobbled together contrivance triumphantly to the general’s suite in the Tantive IV.

“So. What exactly am I looking at here?” said Leia.

“It’s a way of sending and receiving cloaked transmissions,” said Rose eagerly. “To Finn!”

“I thought we couldn’t do that,” said Leia. “Without them being intercepted, that is. And I don’t think we’re quite ready to let the First Order know our location just yet. If we can’t even trust our own officers -”

“We _couldn’t_ do that,” agreed Rose hastily. “But that was before I had Kylo’s stealth tech from his Interceptor. See?” She pointed at something that looked to Leia very much like a bundle of wires attached to a piece of metal. And then to another jumble of wires connected to yet another piece of metal. With blinking lights. “And this! From our own binary beacons! And obviously a comlink.”

“Obviously,” agreed Leia cautiously.

“Don’t you see? The signal from the binary beacon allows _us_ to access the transmission, but the First Order’s own stealth tech blocks the signal from them! It was actually pretty easy when I had all the pieces.” Rose grinned breathlessly, launching into all of the wonderful technological specifics that brought her invention to life.

“Rose, Rose, _Rose!_ Stop!” interrupted Leia with a placating wave of her hands when Rose’s enthusiastic explanation threatened to tie her brain into knots. “You don’t have to tell me all the technical details. I believe you. But what sounds easy for you sounds like gibberish to me. All I need to know is if it works.”

“It should,” nodded Rose, slightly deflated. “If we can manage to find a transmission code for Finn’s quarters on the Steadfast. I have a plan for that too -”

“No need for that.” Leia sat up straighter. “We have it. At least we have one for Ben’s. He gave it to me in case of emergency before they left.” She eyed Rose’s contraption warily. “So, what is it we do exactly?”

“Enter the code,” breathed Rose, eyes alight.

Kylo sat at his desk, exhaustively poring over reports filtering in from various corners of the galaxy. He was not enjoying any of it. In the heady rush of delivering his expansive orders to the High Command he had apparently overlooked some minor details. That were now becoming major details. Giving Kylo a major headache.

It had all been very well to imperiously demand the termination of all mining operations and the immediate evacuation of all First Order troops from the planets and moons they had occupied. What he hadn’t considered then was the state these planets and moons would be left in after these operations had ceased. Leaving countless miners without work or any source of means to acquire the necessary credits to survive.

None of this was his business, he had tried to tell himself. After all, how had these people survived before the First Order had subjugated them? And how was Kylo possibly expected to produce a magical remedy that would satisfy all of their pressing concerns? Particularly now, when all he wanted to do was think about how delightful Rey had looked in those little white pants.

Kylo groaned, rubbing his tired eyes, weary and sore from endlessly scouring blue screens. He was conscious of a flailing despondent wish that his mother was here. _She_ would know what to do. Never in his life had Kylo felt more in empathetic accord with his father.

If only the Millennium Falcon lay berthed in the hanger of the Steadfast, with Chewbacca waiting to speed him away to Takodana. To Rey. To that quiet place by the lake where he could divest her of those sweet little white pants and forget all about these tedious brain-scrambling issues.

It was only after Kylo had set his datapad down that he noticed an intermittent light flashing on his comlink out of the corner of his eye. He frowned, picking it up.

No coordinates or identification data scrolled down the little panel at the top. This wasn’t the usual sort of transmission. For a horrible moment he had an ominous presentiment that Palpatine was attempting to contact him. Or, thought Kylo, with a much more welcome (if factually unsubstantiated) jolt of his heart, it could be Rey.

He slid his thumb over the response switch and waited, holding his breath.

_“Kylo?”_ whispered a voice.

And now Kylo’s heart jolted again, more excitedly than before. This was definitely not Palpatine. Unless he now spoke in a breathy feminine whisper.

“How did you do this?” he said shakily.

_“I’m using your stealth tech,”_ came the urgent whisper again on an electrocharged hiss. _“Are you alone? Is Finn there?”_

Kylo smiled delightedly. “No. I’m alone. Finn’s meeting with the stormtroopers.” His own voice lowered to a whisper. “And I was just thinking about you. And what we did. And those pants you were wearing.”

A shocked giggle answered this, emboldening Kylo to continue in an increasing swell of ardour. His whisper became more of a growl.

“Will I try to connect us through the Force again? But this time get rid of those pants first so I can kiss you down there like I did before.”

A silence greeted this, accompanied by a startled crackle of static. Kylo sat back, suddenly alarmed out of his own daring propositions.

He had gone too far. He had shocked Rey. He had kind of shocked _himself._

_“Ben,”_ said the voice, louder than it had been before. _Different_ than it had been before. And dreadfully, disturbingly familiar.

Kylo’s flushed cheeks drained of colour. _“Mom?”_

_“Yes, Ben, it’s me,”_ said Leia, her voice sounding to Kylo’s mortified ears suspiciously amused. _“Rey isn’t here. You were speaking to Rose.”_

In his horror, Kylo felt a sudden cowardly urge to bounce his comlink off the sleek white wall before him. But all he could seem to do was stare at it blindly, too ashamed and appalled to utter a word.

_“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear any of that,”_ said Leia briskly into the silence. _“We’re hosting a celebratory function for our allies in Maz’s castle tonight. It would be a definite advantage if you could attend, depending on -”_

_“And Finn!”_ hissed Rose’s voice. _“Tell him to bring Finn!”_

_“And Finn, of course,”_ amended Leia. _“That is, only if you feel you’re on top of things with the First Order.”_

The thought of seeing Rey again so unexpectedly soon momentarily broke through Kylo’s embarrassment. “Mostly,” he said, and then remembered his earlier dilemma about the miners. “Actually, if it’s okay, there is something I’d like to ask you about.”

Leia listened to her son explaining the predicament his magnanimous decisions had left him in with increasing pride. But Kylo had been right to wish for her presence earlier. She did have an answer.

_“Delegate, son,”_ she said simply. _“You can’t tackle all of that alone. Or at once. These things need careful consideration. Find someone you trust to deal with it. Set up a committee. Committees, if necessary. These are problems that can’t be solved overnight. Is there anyone there you could reach out to?”_

Kylo nodded gratefully, before realising his mother couldn’t see that. “Yes,” he said hastily. He cringed for a moment before he spoke again. “When you talk to Rey… Or Finn. You don’t have to tell them everything we said, do you? Everything _I_ said?”

_“Wouldn’t dream of it.”_

And despite Kylo’s relief at hearing this, he couldn’t help but notice that his mother’s voice definitely sounded amused now.

_“There’s some things I think would definitely sound a lot better if you said them to Rey yourself.”_

_Rey runs through the forest, the grass dewy cold and crisp under her bare feet. She is excited, she has been waiting for so long to get here and finally the moment has arrived._

_And now she is here. She leans over, hands on knees to catch her breath. The little stone house lies before her, so close now._

_She moves forward and then stops, alarmed by the sinking of the ground beneath her feet. A shadow falls over her and she looks up in fright._

_There’s a figure standing before her. He is tall, his dark eyes as black as his hair. She has a feeling she should know him, but she doesn’t._

_“I knew you’d find me,” said Kylo Ren and her heart jumps in her chest._

_She does know him._

_“I couldn’t wait,” she says, spilling over with joy. He has the softest, biggest, most beautiful lips and she finds it hard to look up from them. When she does, he is watching her, and Rey tilts her face upwards eagerly to press her lips to his. He hesitates before leaning in to give her a quick chaste kiss. She frowns and he looks away._

_“Do you want to go inside?” he asks, and she nods, allowing herself to be gently put aside._

_It is cool in the little house and Rey needs a moment to adjust to the dim light after the morning sunshine outside. She is in a bedchamber. And all her giddy eyes can seem to focus on is a big double bed with rumpled covers and untidy pillows bunched up against an intricate wooden bedstead behind._

_She turns to look at Kylo, feeling her cheeks get warmer. He is standing motionless, a dark silhouette against the white curtain she entered through. She is so aware of how tall he is, framed by the low doorway, of how broad his shoulders are. The nagging uncertainty that had awoken with his perfunctory kiss grows. She should ache for him to touch her, but she doesn’t._

_“Why are we here?” she says._

_“What do you want?” he asks quietly._

_Rey wants to shout at him, but she doesn’t know what it is she wants to say._

_And then the room darkens and is gone._

_Biting flurries of grainy sand whip up around Rey, and she has to squint to see. She sees wind ruffle Kylo’s dark locks. Feels a gulf widen between them. In his hand his cross-guard lightsaber burns vivid red in the moonlight._

_“What do you want?” he repeats louder, and she realises she is holding her own lit lightsaber._

_She shuts it off and lets it drop to the ground. Kylo regards her for a moment before extinguishing his, but it remains in his grip._

_“Ben, it’s me,” she says in a small voice._

_“I know,” he replies, and Rey feels the weight of his words._

_She looks around her, at the sand sweeping low over the dunes and back to his face, not yet marred by the slanting scar she has given him._

_“This is a dream,” she whispers. “Can’t we go back to the lake?”_

_“I want to,” he says, “But I don’t know how.”_

_And then her lightsaber is in her hand and her mind freezes as her body leaps forward, her saber sinking into his chest, knocking him to the ground._

_“What do you want?” he says, shuffling up to lean on his elbow._

_Rey throws her lightsaber away from her in horror._

_“Not this,” she sobs. “I don’t want this.”_

_She drops to her knees, scrambling forward to cradle his head in her arms, stroking his hair from his brow. She leans down to kiss his cold lips until they surrender to hers. His eyes open, bright and ardent, and he kisses her, wrapping his arms around her. Rolling her over into a ground that has become soft beneath her._

_When she opens her eyes again, they are lying on the bed in the little house._

_“Is this what you want?” says Ben._

_Rey nods, breathless, desperate for him to kiss her again. She curls her fingers into his hair to bring him closer and his arms tighten around her, anchoring her in warmth and sweetness._ _Her fingers twist in his hair as he buries his face in her neck, kissing his way down her throat._

_“Rey. Rey! REY!” he says, his voice getting louder, louder, louder until she opens her eyes in confusion._

“Rey!”

Rey shuddered awake, reluctantly roused from the murky dark embrace of sleep.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you, but Leia’s here,” said Rose. She leaned in, smiling happily. “And we’ve got some news for you!”

Rey stared at her, brain fuggy and slow-moving, still fuddled by fleeting, almost tangible sensations of warm skin and cool drying tears.

“Is everything okay?” she croaked. “Ben?”

“Everything’s fine,” said Leia from the doorway. “Maybe better than fine. This genius has worked out how to send a cloaked transmission to the First Order. We’ve spoken to Ben already. Ben and Finn could be back for tonight’s celebrations if they can whip the First Order into shape as soon as possible.”

“Rose?” gasped Rey in delight and received an excited nod in return.

“He hasn’t got everything he needs to get done finished, so don’t get your hopes up just yet.”

But that warning came much too late. Rey had already scrambled up, giddy with drowsy excitement, wrapping her blanket around her trembling limbs.

“But he’s okay? He sounded okay?” she said urgently.

“Yes, he seems fine,” said Rose with a strange little furtive smile at Leia.

But before Rey could ask what that smile signified, Leia spoke first. “I brought something for you.”

“For me?” said Rey with a frown. 

“Yes, for the celebrations tonight. Come to the main hold when you’re ready.”

It didn’t take long for Rey to drag on a pair of trousers, push her feet into her boots and fling on Kylo’s black sweater over her vest. So ludicrously big it swamped her almost down to her knees. She pushed back the sleeves, unable to suppress an urge to bury her nose in its soft folds. Her heart skipped joyfully, revelling in a faint hint of that tangy citrusy scent. Soon she would be able to breathe in that scent from Kylo’s lovely warm skin.

When she arrived in the main hold, Leia lifted a hanger wrapped in a dark cloak from the Dejarik table.

“I noticed your green dress got torn in the scuffle. You’ll need something to wear.”

“A dress? You didn’t have to… I can get one if I need to,” said Rey.

“I didn’t get it for you exactly,” Leia reassured her. “It belonged to my mother. I have a wardrobe full of them. Most of them state robes. Not suitable for an occasion like this. You’ll need something you can move in.” She slid the cloak from the hanger and handed the dress draped over it to Rey.

“For you,” she said handing it over. She watched the girl fondly as an awed Rey held the dress away from her, fearful of crushing the delicate fabric.

“It’s beautiful,” breathed Rey. 

It _was_ beautiful, made from wide swathes of silky fabric, caught up at the neck with an elaborate iridescent choker made from what looked to be some sort of sea shell. The upper arms were fastened with armlets fashioned from the same material. Its subtle gradation of colour, from the palest pastel yellow passing through coral pink, and blending further into a pretty lavender hue, reminded Rey of the green and white dress she had chosen for herself.

But this was Leia’s mother’s dress. It was special to her. And Rey was too conscious of a squirmy sort of guilt. Too aware that whatever trials her poor sapling dress had suffered in the dining hall were nothing compared to the mistreatment it had gone through later on in the Falcon. Even more ruined than the red dress she had worn on Kef-Bir as a result of Leia’s son’s enthusiastic manhandling and… and happy stuff (a recently concocted term Rey kept wisely to herself).

Likewise with Kylo’s beautiful blue gold-brocaded velvet tunic, still lying in a creased grubby heap on the floor under the guest bunk. Right there.

Rey manoeuvred herself as discreetly as possible to the edge of the couch to hide that damning evidence. Hopefully, Leia hadn’t seen it, or worse still, curiously examined those suspicious stains while Rey had been getting dressed.

She really shouldn’t accept this special dress from Leia. But Rey really, really wanted to see what Kylo’s reaction would be on seeing her in this beautiful new dress. Even if she had now what could only be described as notoriously bad luck when it came to the preservation of lovely gowns.

She tried to say as much, but Leia dismissed these very real concerns.

“Take it. Please. I’d always thought that someday…” Her voice trailed off as Rey’s brows knit curiously. She smiled, more tremulously now as she drew Rey closer to kiss her cheek.

There was no need to tell Rey that she had at one time intended these dresses to be a gift to a granddaughter. And there was definitely no need to tell her that she was finally beginning to hope that one day the realisation of this dream could be a possibility because of Rey.

“Ben gave you something of his. Let me do the same. I want you to have it.”

So Rey accepted this gift with as much thanks and grace as she could muster.

I _will_ take care of this one, she thought determinedly. No matter how irresistible Kylo is tonight.

Finn had only known Lieutenant Mitaka by sight before. If he had thought about him at all, he would have assumed him to be yet another self-important officer, arrogant and unbending like all the rest. He was pleased to realise he would have been wrong in this assumption.

Mitaka was proving to be extremely helpful, clever, and more than capable of dealing with truculent members of the High Command. Particularly the older officers, who were finding the Supreme Leader’s new policies difficult to enforce, yet alone understand. Mitaka was just deferential enough to appear respectful, while at the same time maintaining a steely resolve.

Finn, charged with overseeing the Stormtrooper Division, envied him his patience, finding General Engell’s pedantic rigidity decidedly hard to endure. He had been very tempted to suggest that she be replaced altogether, as was happening in other divisions. It would have been all too easy.

Kylo had been busy, and brutal, not willing to waste valuable time on endless prevarications and queries. Not as brutal as once he would have been. But as a result of this ruthless sweep, General Griss was now an indignant recumbent of the cells, along with other recalcitrant former First Order leaders. That had sent a swift distinctly unequivocal message that had very rapidly borne fruit. Finn knew that at least Engell was inherently loyal to her Supreme Leader, if more than a little bewildered by his recent upheavals.

And now, after a long and tedious morning, Mitaka’s talent for tact and diplomacy had appeared to have worked its magic. And Finn had been reassured to discover that the stormtroopers’ appreciation of his speech had not been simply a knee-jerk reaction at that moment. They were prepared to fight, as he had assured Kylo they would be, but it was gratifying and profoundly touching to have been proven right.

There had been a little work to do to assure them that the Supreme Leader’s words had not been uttered on some bizarre capricious whim. But Finn found it surprisingly easy to convince them. Because he harboured no doubts of his own on that score. Not anymore.

Finn was still not completely certain as to why the Supreme Leader had said all of the things he had stated in his speech. But he was pretty certain he knew what had prompted them. Or who. Now more than ever.

Finn’s subtle query that morning as to whether Kylo had been in contact with Rey since he had arrived on the Steadfast had been met with a guilty stare. And a mumbled affirmative. And as lovely as it was to hear that Rose had sent him her love, that very welcome news had not completely distracted Finn from his purpose in asking that question.

Because now he had tacit confirmation of another much less welcome occurrence he had been made unwillingly aware of the night before. The walls of Kylo’s pristine chambers were perhaps not quite so thick or soundproofed as his infatuated host assumed. Soundproofed enough to muffle Kylo's words into an indistinguishable murmur, but not proof against recognising the import of _every_ sound.

And as disturbingly unpleasant as it had been to have become irrevocably, undeniably sure of what the Supreme Leader’s pursuits had been in the wake of his Force connection with Rey, that had only served to further Finn’s reluctant sympathy for Kylo Ren.

If it also made him a more than a little apprehensive to make his way back to those quarters now with Lieutenant Mitaka. Kylo had given him the entry code for his chambers, but Finn was determined he would make sure to sound the alert on the door panel before entering.

But when they did arrive at the Supreme Leader’s chambers, Finn was relieved to be met by the relatively innocuous sight of Kylo hunched over his datapad on the lounge seat he had slept on the night before.

He cast it aside, standing up with suppressed urgency when he saw them.

“How confident are you that the policies we’ve introduced are being implemented?” he asked Mitaka.

“Quite confident, sir,” said Mitaka. “What’s left of the original High Command appear to be cooperating, and we have already ceased mining in -”

“I know all that,” interrupted Kylo briskly. “The cessation of operations in the mining colonies have brought about their own difficulties. I’ve outlined these in a communique I’ve sent you.”

“Oh! Apologies, sir,” stammered Mitaka. “I’ve been busy. I’ll -”

“You don’t need to look at them right now,” said Kylo, raising a hand. “I’ve put some emergency measures in place to tide us over, but I’ll need you to organise a committee to oversee these arrangements and come up with more long-lasting solutions to these problems.”

“Yes, sir,” said Mitaka, too polite to show surprise.

“But everything else?” pursued Kylo. “Everything else is going according to plan?”

“Yes, sir,” Mitaka assured him again.

“Good.” Kylo’s eyes met Finn’s for a moment, and Finn was surprised to see a sparkle in their dark depths. “Because I shall have to leave soon. To meet with leaders from other systems interested in joining our fight against the Final Order. As will Finn. You will be taking charge of operations in our absence, General Mitaka. I’ll organise a meeting of the High Command before we leave to inform them you answer directly to me.”

“Sir!” said General Mitaka, gratified, if also more than a little dizzy from his sudden ascension up the ranks. “But what if I need to contact you?”

“That can be arranged. There is already someone working on secure communications. See that you, and you alone, have access to this.” Kylo threw a curiously frowning Finn a hint of a lopsided uncomfortable half-smile. “Rose.”

“Rose?” said Finn, his heart beginning to thump. “We’re going back?”

“Yes.” And now that lopsided half-smile grew. Kylo turned to Mitaka. “I am not going to inform the High Command we are leaving. Or let them know where we’re going. It would probably be best they aren’t aware of it. Not yet.”

“I agree, sir,” said Mitaka wholeheartedly.

Meanwhile, on Takodana, Rey was returning to the Falcon, having acquired a new skill.

“There will be dancing tonight,” Leia had told her. “Some of it formal. If you are asked to dance by any of the delegates, it would be rude not to agree to it.”

Normally Rey would have quailed at the idea of yet more diplomatic duties, but Kylo was coming home, and her heart had been too light to harbour any objections. She had even giggled as she ran through the steps with Rose and Kaydel and Poe, not in the least embarrassed to step on Poe’s toes, or forget any number of the many strict rules governing the dances. And it had been _fun_ , particularly the fast dances, like the one Rose showed them how to do. An energetic group dance with much clapping of knees and swaying of arms and swinging each other around breathlessly.

Although it had been strange to feel Poe’s light touch on her waist, have his face so close to hers in the slower of the dances. Rey didn’t want to dance these sorts of dances with Poe. She wanted to dance them with Kylo. Although now she came to think about it, it was a strange, incongruous notion to imagine the Supreme Leader dancing. She severely doubted he would be persuaded to attempt anything like the one Rose taught them.

But just maybe he would attempt some of the slower, more decorous dances like this one. So Rey would apply herself and learn how to do them too.

Rey was pretty certain that she had mastered most of the steps before the time had come to get ready for the festivities. All the same, she practised them in her head as she wandered back to the Falcon to get changed into the beautiful dress bestowed on her by Leia.

_One two three forward, sway right, sway left. One two three back, sway left, sway right._

And as there was nobody around to see her, she could spin and sway and twirl, lolling her head back to catch dizzy glimpses of darkening sky.

Where soon Kylo’s ship would appear, ferrying him safely back into her arms again. Rey entered the Falcon, her prancing steps sending the roosting porgs in the passageway into squawking flight. She laughed as they flew huffily ahead of her into the main hold.

“Ben’s coming home!” she sang joyously. “Coming home, sway left, sway right!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who might not be aware, the reference to Leia retrieving Padme’s dresses is inspired by Charles Soule’s series of Poe Dameron comics. In which Leia has possession of her mother’s wardrobe and wishes that a granddaughter could have worn them. They were eventually jettisoned into space, but I loved that concept and wanted to fix it so that she could maybe one day see that dream come true!  
> I did say before that I wanted to tie in elements from the entire Skywalker Saga. Padme is an intrinsic part of this, and although I want Rey to have things just for herself, I like the thought of her honouring the memory of Padme by wearing the lakeside dress. Which is one of my all-time favourites of hers and suits Rey’s more formal aesthetic in this fic!
> 
> We’re nearly there – Kylo and Rey will finally be reunited in the next chapter! But because they are Kylo and Rey, don’t expect it to be the easiest jaunt back to a joyful reunion! They are space idiots after all! 🙄💕
> 
> And as always, thank you, thank you , thank you for the Kudos and comments and subscriptions...etc. They brighten up my whole day/week! 💖


	32. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frustrations and misunderstandings abound as a consequence of the Supreme Leader’s return to Takodana. Finn has something to tell Rey, who finds herself struggling with a new emotion and Kylo is disturbed by odd behaviour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for plenty of yearning and misunderstandings but also some cuteness as Rey and Kylo are finally reunited. This chapter isn't as lengthy as the previous ones. I had to split the celebrations into two chapters because it had grown to absolutely ridiculous proportions (much like our revered Supreme Leader)!

Rey was the first of the guests to appear in Maz’s great dining hall. Her preparations had been considerably more rushed for this function than they had been for the one she had attended there before. Indeed, Leia had been considerably hard-pressed to keep Rey still in her seat to coil her hair up, fastening it into place with what seemed to Rey to be an endless supply of pins.

But Rey had itched to get to where Kylo would be. So _soon!_ Not even the realisation that her new dress appeared to be completely devoid of material at the back (well below the waist!), had discouraged her from donning it without a word of protest. Although she had certainly been a little daunted by Leia’s mother’s daring taste in apparel.

It doesn’t matter, she had told herself, Kylo will soon be seeing all of me anyway. That thought had shot a nervous quake through her stomach and she had tried her best to dispel it.

He cares about me, she had thought resolutely. And his mother approves. Even Rose is happy for me. I am ready. I _am_.

“Ouch!”

“Stay still,” Leia had adjured her patiently. “I’m nearly done.”

After the last pin had slid into place, she had run her fingers through the front of Rey’s hair, loosening it and coaxing curling tendrils to fall elegantly around her face. Rey’s glowing cheek had then received a kiss before Leia finally relinquished her.

“Perfect.”

And Rey had whispered a pensive “Thank you” as she stared at her reflection before bolting from the Falcon, wondering what Kylo would think.

But now Kylo still hadn’t arrived and Rey was not enjoying the celebrations nearly as much as she had expected to. And those dances she had practised with breathless laughter were not nearly so much fun now that he wasn’t here to dance them with her.

Her cheeks ached from smiling. Her feet ached from the beautiful golden slippers Leia had found in the market, pinching her toes and chafing her heels. And most of all, her heart ached from its hopeful excitement being wrenched moment by moment into bitterly frustrated disappointment.

And then all of those aches faded away, as magically and suddenly as if Kylo had whispered in her ear. He was here!

Rey’s eyes strained towards the door, her hand lifting. It was all she could do to stop herself from hurling it open with the Force. She didn’t need to.

It was opening, and there, his tall frame haloed by bright moonlight, stood the physical incarnation of her heart’s innermost yearnings. 

Rey wanted to race to his side, to shove recklessly through the revellers and hurl herself into his arms, but she seemed to be frozen to the spot. Watching Kylo enter the room, seeing the first warm touches of the lanterns overhead etch out the contours of his face, making him real. Watching his dark eyes scouring the room.

Here! I’m here! her brain shouted deliriously. And then was jolted into mindless joy as his eyes finally met hers.

Kylo stopped, as suddenly still as she was, as unconscious of Finn walking slap into his back as she was. But now he was becoming obscured from her gaze, swallowed up by friends welcoming Finn home, by his mother greeting him. Rey watched someone press a glass into his hand, saw someone else shake his other, saw him flash a brief desperate glance her way before he was borne off to be congratulated by a group of apprehensively admiring delegates.

This is a good thing, Rey thought dazedly, fighting back ridiculous pangs of disappointment that he hadn’t stalked through the room, ignoring all others, and swept her up into his arms. That was stupid. Of course he wouldn’t have done that. She wouldn’t have wanted him to. It wasn’t as if she had ever even expected it.

She _did_ want him to be appreciated for his speech and lauded for it. She would have given anything for that just a couple of hours before. There was no reason for those stupid tears pricking her eyes and pinching her nose. He was here. He was here and he was safe and that was all that mattered.

Rey blinked back her tears and swallowed the swelling in her throat, smiling brightly at the young pilot who had reached out a hand for her to join the dance. And now her aching feet were moving again, as the band struck up a triumphant marching melody in recognition of the returning heroes.

It is possible that if Rey had but known it, she might have been somewhat consoled by the fact that Kylo was every bit as frustrated and disappointed as she was. Although she might not have liked to have known that _she_ was the unwitting cause of this frustration and disappointment.

Because Kylo, trapped and hemmed in within moments of entering the place where Rey was, could not understand why she wasn’t even attempting to rescue him.

It didn’t seem fair that the one person who wasn’t making any attempt to be near him was the only person he wanted to be close to. After all, a desire to please her above all others had been his primary motivating factor in even considering making changes to the First Order in the first place. To see pride replace any last lingering doubts in Rey’s eyes when she looked at him.

Kylo didn’t need to hear if his actions had pleased anyone else. In fact it was making him extremely uncomfortable. He was unused to what at least appeared to be genuine praise. And even more unused to escaping from a situation he was uncomfortable with without giving offence. He didn’t want to appear ungrateful, or dismissive, particularly in front of his proud mother. Besides, Kylo didn’t feel ungrateful. Not exactly.

Because as reluctant as he had been to go to the Steadfast in the first place, he was glad he had gone. Kylo might not have been the one to initially devise those changes he had made in his brief stay with the First Order. But he _had_ been pleasantly surprised by how refreshing it had been to implement rules that were not inevitably accompanied by surges of tearing conflict.

All the same, Kylo would happily consign all of these kindly well-meaning people to the all-consuming ravages of a Sarlacc pit, if it meant he could finally be allowed spend some much longed for time with Rey.

But ever since that heart-stopping moment when she had gazed across the crowded room into his eyes, she had only spared him the briefest of glances as she whirled around the room with a succession of partners.

And now, after a long day of travelling and alternately appeasing and browbeating First Order officers, he had to at least appear to be courteously affable to yet more diplomatic officials and Resistance officers.

“Not enjoying this much, are you, kid?”

Kylo turned to see Lando standing behind him. “Not exactly,” he said.

“Worried there’s a mutiny erupting now you’ve left the First Order unattended?”

“No. I have a general keeping me informed,” said Kylo. “Nobody else knows I’ve gone. I’m meditating in my chambers as we speak.”

“You normally meditate for days at a time?” frowned Lando curiously.

“I don’t meditate at all,” said Kylo absently, his attention caught by the sight of Finn being gleefully hugged by Rey and Rose. How had _he_ managed to evade the snares Kylo had fallen into?

Lando regarded Kylo’s gathering scowl dubiously. “Maybe you should. It might unwind some of that inner… inner tension.”

“What?” said Kylo, tearing his eyes away from Rey’s smiling face.

“What are you saying, Lando?” said Leia ominously, appearing at his shoulder.

“We were just talking about meditating,” said Lando, with a conspiratorial eye-roll at Kylo. “Why must you always assume I’m up to no good?”

“Because I know you,” said Leia rudely. “Now be off and use that charm you claim to have in abundance to lure in those delegates from Mon Calamari. I need to introduce Ben to some more people.”

“Okay, okay!” said Lando, disappearing into the crowd with a mock-servile flourish of his cape.

“Are you okay, Ben?” said Leia. “I know this isn’t easy.”

“I’m fine,” lied Kylo, rattled by a glance from Rose as she spoke to Rey and Finn.

“You don’t look it,” said his concerned mother. “Are you tired? Do you need something to eat?”

“No, no.” Kylo flushed uncomfortably. “You don’t think Rose will tell Rey what… what happened, do you?”

Leia hid a smile as her son’s eyes dodged hers. “Of course not. I’m pretty sure she wants to forget about that just as much as you do.”

Kylo’s guilty eyes met hers for a fleeting blushful moment and Leia’s heart felt crushed by the vulnerability she saw in that cagey look. It took everything she had not to wrap her arms around her big grown-up son’s tense body and soothe his troubles away. Cuddling the Supreme Leader in full view of all of these political figures would hardly serve to uphold the new-found respect his remarkable speech had generated for him.

If only her family had been a normal one, like any other. Unattended or unbothered by the scrutiny and judgement of public attention. Because in that reality Leia would be able now to take her son in her arms and hug him, just like any other proud and loving mother could. 

Finn had looked forward to his reunion with Rose for so long, but when Rey started to move tactfully away to leave them alone, he kissed Rose and whispered a quick; “I’ll be right back, I just have to do one thing first.”

Rey was surprised to hear Finn’s voice in her ear as she walked away. “We need to talk,” he said quietly, and Rey allowed herself to be led over to a deserted table, shooting an apprehensive glance at his serious face. He saw that and winced.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to say anything you won’t like,” he said and received a wide-eyed look in return.

“I just want to apologise,” he said. “I’ve been hard on you.”

That surprised her. She stared at him, her mouth opening on a tremble. “It’s okay. I understand why. I know you’ve been worried about me.”

“But I could have trusted you more,” said Finn firmly. “You kept trying to tell us Kylo Ren had changed. I didn’t want to believe it.”

“But you believe it now?” said Rey.

“I do,” Finn nodded. “He will probably never be my favourite person, but I do believe he is trying to change.”

“He is,” said Rey.

“Just…” Finn stopped, not sure what it was he wanted to say. But his recent, much too intimate knowledge of how Kylo Ren had been affected by his Force connection with Rey worried him. A worry that he was surprised to realise wasn’t solely reserved for Rey. “Just be careful with him. Kylo Ren. I don’t think he’s quite as invulnerable to… to some… some things as he pretends to be.”

Rey nodded, too pleased and warmed to say anything.

His hand rose to grip hers. “While we were away, I realised I didn’t want to keep letting whatever I think about him come between us anyway. I don’t want to argue with you. You were the first real friend I ever had, Rey. I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose _you!”_ whispered Rey, her chin wobbling.

And with all of this Palpatine stuff -” He broke off, seeing her face. “Rey, I’m scared for you.”

“Finn!” whispered Rey, her chin wobbling even more, her eyelashes batting back tears. “I’m scared for _you_. I’m scared for all of us.”

Finn put his arms around her, and she subsided into them gratefully.

“Did you ever wonder what we’d be doing now if we _had_ left with those two guys?” he said. “Remember? The ones I almost went off with from here a year ago?”

That produced a rather damp little chortle from Rey. “We’d be here. I think this was all meant to happen. We were all meant to meet. You, Poe, me, Han and Chewie, Kylo, Rose… all of us. Would you really want it to be any different?”

“Maybe not,” said Finn, and hugged her tighter when she sighed. “Definitely not.”

Kylo watched Rey and Finn being joined by Poe and Rose, saw her smile tearfully at Poe before he led her onto the floor. And then his brow lowered as he saw Poe’s hand come to rest lightly on Rey’s bare back. His resentful eyes couldn’t help but notice that the lovely back Poe’s hand was placed on was noticeably lighter in colour than the skin on her brown arms and face. Like her legs had been when she had taken off her trousers before bathing in the lake. When Kylo alone had seen them.

And now everyone could see that soft pale skin that previously only he had been privileged to see. Could touch it like Poe Dameron was doing right now.

It hadn’t appeased Kylo to learn that this offending, albeit beautiful dress, belonged to his grandmother. In fact it somehow made it even worse. He had feigned as much convincing gratitude as he could muster when his mother told him whose it had been. She was right of course; it did suit Rey. She was absolutely heartbreakingly lovely in it, like some sort of ethereal mythical creature. But he couldn’t help but wonder what life had been like for Padmé Amidala when she had worn that dress.

Had she worn it before or after she had begun to be dismayed and saddened by her husband’s inexorable slide to the Dark Side? Kylo did not like to think of Rey shrouded in anything tainted by tragedy, much less something that revealed so much of that beautiful body she had promised to him.

But she _had_ promised it to him, and now Kylo’s stomach was again clenched by that nervous excited anticipation he had been trying to suppress all day. Why, oh why did his mother have to choose tonight, of all nights, to host a party?

Quite apart from his wish that he could be alone with Rey, socialising was never something he had been comfortable with, even as a child. Paraded proudly before his parents’ guests in one of those little blue or yellow ensembles. He had never known what to say or do then, but at least a toddler’s inclination to hide behind his mother’s skirts could be considered permissible, even kind of sweet. Not so much now. Kylo could feel himself becoming more and more withdrawn and tense, reduced to nods and forced smiles.

Not like Rey, or her friends, who all appeared to be enjoying themselves. Kylo watched Rey, laughing in protest as she was pulled into the centre of the floor to dance. She was having fun, and she had experienced so little of that in her life. She didn’t deserve to be dragged away just so he could talk to her. She would probably much prefer that he was like her friends, able to mingle freely and without reserve, able to shrug off his inhibitions and laugh and dance with her.

How _easy_ they made that look. Kylo was vaguely surprised that he didn’t feel scorn for their blithe disregard about how they looked cavorting around, bumping into each other and laughing about it. But then it occurred to him that he was waiting for the predictable contemptuous comment from Snoke in his mind.

Like the comments that had always accompanied such moments in his early adolescence at Luke’s academy. When he had promptly agreed that he wouldn’t like to appear as foolish as Voe and Tai did, laughing their way through a Quarren folk dance Hennix was teaching them. He had always complied with that voice in his mind before his own opinion had time to form.

And once again Kylo wondered what his life would have been like without Snoke’s insidious influence. Would he have continued to remain aloof or would he have joined his friends as they capered about? Would he be dancing with Rey now?

He would never know that, but he did know that Rey and her friends didn’t look foolish. Well, perhaps they did a little, but they also looked as if they didn’t care about that in the least. It was he who was looking a lot more foolish, standing morosely against a wall, ignoring the people around him. All so he could watch Rey jealously like some sort of abandoned or neglected pet.

He accepted another drink from a passing waiter and took a deep draught, coughing as it hit the back of his throat. What he had thought was a Bespin Fizz was Soulean Brandy, more recognisable to Kylo by its scent rather than its taste. His parents had kept a bottle of it for special occasions and it reminded him now of celebrating Life Day with Chewie, or when his uncle or Lando came to visit. Of waking up late and disoriented on someone’s lap and being carried crankily protesting to bed.

Kylo wasn’t sure how he liked it. It was very fiery and pungent, but it warmed the blood in his veins quite agreeably. He took a more careful sip, remembering that day by the lake when Rey had told him Ben Solo could be whoever he would like him to be.

Maybe Ben Solo could be capable of being sociable and outgoing. After all, one of the main reasons he had felt separate from everyone in the past was because of his Force abilities. Even at Luke’s temple, where his powers far outstripped the other students’. But he wasn’t alone in this anymore. Rey, his favourite person in the entire galaxy, was just as powerful as he was, chosen by the Force as its instrument. And she was not allowing this to be a burden, or a deterrent to having fun or being happy. Maybe he didn’t have to let it hold him back either.

Kylo tossed back the remainder of his drink with a blinking shudder and replaced it with another from the waiter’s tray as he passed through the crowd again.

One more. And then he would at least try to make more of an effort.

And all the while, Rey laughed and danced and chatted as merrily as the rest of her friends. Almost dully resigned to the fact that it was now looking extremely unlikely that she would ever be able to have Kylo all to herself. At least not until after these interminable (and misnamed) celebrations were over. She congratulated herself that at least she was making a very good attempt at concealing her bitter disappointment. Nobody would ever guess how disheartened she felt that Kylo didn’t appear to want to seek her out. Or escape from the throng of his new-found supporters.

She glanced over to where he stood, to see him surrounded by these infuriating well-wishers, one of whom looked much too young and blonde and pretty.

Rey had been introduced to her earlier that day, a representative of the Queen of Naboo, whom she had rather liked before this cursed night. But now, Rey’s dress that had seemed to her self-conscious eyes ridiculously stylish and daring before, appeared unsophisticated and immature. Particularly when compared to the sleek, low-cut glittering black dress worn by that girl. 

She became aware of Rose appearing at her side and tore her eyes away with an effort.

“So,” Rose was saying conspiratorially, after glancing around to make sure Finn was out of earshot. He was, leaving the group to fetch drinks for his friends, thirsty from their exertions. “Did you get a chance to talk to Kylo yet?”

“No,” said Rey. She saw Rose look surprised and turn to seek out Kylo and added a little desperately; “But it’s fine. I’m glad that he’s being appreciated for what he’s done with the First Order. That’s more important. I can talk to him later.”

“Oh?” said Rose, unconvinced by Rey’s airy tone. “Rey, is something wrong?”

“No!” said Rey sharply. “Of course not.”

Rose gave her a confused look and then glanced around, catching sight of Kylo standing near Finn at the bar. Rey followed her gaze, trying to appear nonchalant, even as her heart thumped anxiously when the girl in the black dress laughed admiringly up at Kylo.

Kylo didn’t make jokes. He wasn’t funny. He only ever laughed when he was with _her_. And even if the smile he returned to that girl looked rather wooden and strained, it still filled Rey with a mad urge to race headlong over to him and smack it off his face.

She looked away, shocked by that impulse. Wishing that Rose would stop watching him. Although a doggedly loyal part of her obstinately refused to believe Kylo could be intentionally trying to hurt her, it was humiliating to have one of her few confidantes witness whatever this was.

Rose frowned and then glanced back at Rey’s flushed face.

“My feet are getting sore from all this dancing. Aren’t yours? There has to be somewhere to sit,” she said, her voice overly hearty to disguise a sudden rush of fury on Rey’s behalf. “Want to go outside? It’s too stuffy in here anyway.”

Kylo watched Rey and Rose exiting through the door of the cantina, his frustration increasing by the second. He would never have thought it before, but being around Rey without being able to speak to her or touch her, felt somehow almost worse than it had felt being apart from her. Maybe he hadn’t quite anticipated just how difficult it would be to disguise his feelings when he returned to Takodana.

And even more irritatingly, how difficult it would be to pretend to be interested in other peoples’ conversations, when _he_ should be the one making Rey laugh. _His_ arm should be the one encircling Rey’s slim waist to hold her close.

And now she had disappeared, with Rose of all people. Kylo had no wish to come face to face with the startled recipient of his lustful proposal that morning. It had been difficult enough to meet his mother’s eye on his arrival. But this was perhaps his one chance to speak to Rey away from the constant ever-present attendance of multitudes of her friends. His glowering attention fixed on Finn, looking around him in vain for his companions, while precariously balancing three full glasses.

“Excuse me,” said Kylo abstractedly to a girl beside him, who was still recounting a story he suspected wasn’t going to end any time soon. “There’s something I have to do.”

He caught up with Finn as he cautiously edged his way through the crowd at the bar. Finn started as he felt a glass being eased out from where it was wedged under his elbow.

“Kylo!” he said in surprise. “Have you seen Rey or Rose?” and added quickly; “These are for them.”

“It’s okay, I have my own.” Kylo waggled his half-empty glass in his other hand before raising it to indicate the door. “They went out that way. I’ll come with you to help you with these.”

They found Rose and Rey seated on the first step outside. They looked up as Kylo and Finn approached.

“I thought you’d deserted me,” said Finn.

“It was too hot in there,” said Rose shortly. She glanced up at Kylo, who was looking at Rey, two glasses still clutched in his hands. “That one’s mine,” she said, getting up to take it from his nerveless grip. “Actually, it’s kind of getting chilly. I might go back inside. Are you coming, Finn?”

“Already?” said Finn, handing Rey her glass. Rey didn’t move after she accepted it and he glanced around curiously, sensing a tension in the air. “So, are we going in then, or what?”

“Rey’s still too warm,” said Rose quickly. “Kylo, do you mind keeping her company?”

“Okay,” said Kylo, who was feeling more than a little perturbed that Rey didn’t seem to want to meet his eye. He was also aware of Rose throwing him an angry sort of meaningful look that he had absolutely no difficulty interpreting as she hustled Finn back inside. His eyes darted away from hers, trying to will down the warmth threatening to creep rosily up his neck.

And then at last they were alone. Well, not quite. There were a number of people outside, enjoying the cool night air. But at least they were people that didn’t seem determined to hunt him down and talk at him.

“You look beautiful,” said Kylo cautiously, sitting down beside Rey. She glanced up at him, and he was further confused by the wariness in that look. “I missed you so much.”

“Did you?” Treacherous tears stung Rey’s eyes.

“Of course I did!” he said, but his incredulous smile faded fast when it wasn’t returned. This wasn’t happening at all the way he thought their first proper conversation would go. His stomach, already too full of Bespin Fizzes and Soulean brandy, pitched uneasily. “Didn’t you miss me?”

“Yes,” she said in a small voice.

The pitching eased a little. “I can’t wait to get back to the Falcon,” he said quietly. “It’s all I’ve been thinking about all day. I hadn’t even thought about any of this. All these people. I wish I could just be with you.”

“Really? You looked like you were enjoying yourself,” snapped Rey, and then instantly detested the bitter sound of the words leaving her mouth.

Kylo’s eyebrows shot up. There _was_ something wrong. He stared at her helplessly.

Rey was not proof against that look. That wounded wide eyed look burning her misery into something that felt like shame. Compounding that horrible sick confusing feeling that scorched through her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I _did_ miss you. I _am_ happy to see you.”

“Have I done something?” asked Kylo, who was feverishly trying to work out how he could have possibly offended her since their Force connection the night before. She had been so happy to see him.

But he did know. Kylo’s roiling stomach plummeted. He knew exactly what it was that was making Rey behave in this strange way.

His guilty dismay rendered his voice a little faint. “Has… has Rose said something?”

“Rose?” echoed Rey, and her frown made Kylo all the more convinced that Rose had betrayed him.

“I shouldn’t have said it,” he said hastily. “I didn’t mean for Rose to hear any of that.”

“You didn’t?” said Rey, with a sick thud of her heart. Trying to remember if Rose had been anywhere near the bar before she had spoken to her inside. Where Kylo had been standing with that girl.

“Of course not. I only ever want to kiss _you_ down…” Kylo’s beseeching gaze flickered below Rey’s waist. “Down there. You know that.”

Rey’s stomach was churning now, just as horribly as her shocked thoughts. She stared at him, too appalled and devastated to form any sort of answer. She knew she should feel angry, but she couldn’t feel anything but hurt. A hurt so shattering it left her trembling and cold and nauseous.

She couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t _believe_ Kylo would say something like that to someone else. And how could he look at her like this? With that pleading expression in those melting dark eyes and think she would understand? _Forgive_ him?

Rey’s face twisted and ducked down. Seeing her hands gripping the folds of her dress before her eyes scrunched shut to keep stinging tears locked tight behind her eyelids.

Kylo stared at her bent head, aghast and a little confused by what seemed to be such a disproportionate reaction from her. To what had been surely more of an embarrassing experience for him. But perhaps she was humiliated that other people now knew exactly what they had been up to. Kylo was conscious of a nasty swell of hurt at that notion, but more than anything he wanted to banish any hurt of Rey’s.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have said it. But I really, really thought I was talking to you.”

Now Rey’s head rose, her brimming eyes blinking in a mixture of blind confusion and anger. _“How?”_ It sounded as if the word had been dredged up from the bottom of her soul.

“Rose was whispering. And the connection was really bad at first,” faltered Kylo. “And I honestly couldn’t think of any other woman who would be trying to contact me.”

Rey sat up straighter. “What? What are you talking about? _Who_ are you talking about? _Rose?”_

Kylo’s heart stuttered. “Wait, what? Rose _didn’t_ tell you?”

“Didn’t tell me _what?”_ said Rey, more forcefully.

Kylo’s heart quailed, even though there was some small measure of relief in there that Rey wasn’t looking angry anymore. But she did look bewildered. And there were still tears in her eyes. He had to tell her.

Kylo took a breath, trying to find words to frame what he had said in any palatable way. There were none.

“About what happened when she and my mother contacted me this morning,” he said, girding himself. “I was so sure it was you. I said something about having another Force connection.” Kylo’s face blazed hotly, his palms sweating at the memory. “And that this time you should have no pants on. So… so I could kiss you down there, or… or something like that.”

Rey’s heart pounded giddily, her head spinning as she saw him flinch at her gasp of astonishment. “What?! You didn’t?!”

Kylo nodded, tight-lipped.

“You said that to Rose? And… and your mother?”

Kylo nodded again, face aflame.

Rey stared at him for a heart-stopping moment before surprising them both with a sudden peal of laughter that rang out loud in the night air. Causing several bystanders to turn and look at them curiously.

But Rey didn’t care. That mortified hopeful apprehensive little smile on Kylo’s face an adorably perfect balm for all of those tumultuous feelings that had engulfed her before.

He hadn’t betrayed her. He hadn’t! He was still her Ben. Her lovely, lovely _silly_ Ben.

“Oh, _Ben!”_ she giggled, so swamped by relief and happiness she didn’t even feel a twinge of embarrassment. Right now she wouldn’t care if he saw fit to disclose every detail of their intimate secrets to the entire Resistance. All she wanted to do was fling her arms around him and hug him and hug him and _hug_ him with every ounce of strength in her body.

Kylo ventured the smallest laugh, dizzily heartened by such an unexpected response. And they sat, smiling at each other in delight, oblivious to all else until his brow creased.

“Wait, what did you think I was talking about?”

“Nothing,” said Rey quickly with a mortified blush of her own. “It’s just… I didn’t know what to think.”

“Okay,” said Kylo carefully. He wished he hadn’t asked her. It wasn’t nice to see Rey’s radiant smile dissolve into this uncomfortable look. He shifted to reach into the pocket of his trousers. “I kept this with me all the time I was away. A little piece of you and me.”

Rey glanced down to see that little green leaf she had given him by the lake. And knew what it was to feel her heart break with tenderness. And such despair that she could ever have believed, even for a second, that this sweet creature would be capable of hurting her anymore.

“It hasn’t dried out or faded,” he said. “I’m going to keep it with me always.”

He folded the leaf gently back into his pocket and looked up to be rewarded with a tremulous little smile from Rey. Kylo smiled back, stretching out surreptitiously to touch the tips of his fingers to hers resting on the cool stone of the step. He felt Rey nudge her fingers against his and was overcome with a desire to pull her into his arms.

“How long do you think we’ll have to stay here?” he whispered. “I don’t know how much longer I can wait.”

Rey knew exactly what he meant, even though a tremor of nervousness shook her. Just the touch of his fingers on hers were sending electrifying little sparks through her. And the look in his eyes wasn’t helping to quiet them in the least.

She felt awful about her sudden terrifying burst of jealousy earlier. He had given her his name. He had kept her pitiful little keepsake close. She had been utterly, shamefully ridiculous.

A wet splash on her forehead distracted her from her thoughts and Kylo looked up, holding out his hand, palm tilted upwards.

“Rain,” he said in surprise, just as drops began to fall in earnest. The other groups outside scattered, shrieking and bustling to get back inside.

“We should go in,” said Kylo reluctantly. “You probably don’t want to ruin your dress.”

Rey stood up and then paused, watching the last person pass through the door. Kylo hadn’t moved and she looked down into his face to see dark eyes gazing hopefully up into hers.

“Or we could stay,” she said, guiltily quelling her memory of the promise she had made herself to guard this dress from all harm. “Just for a moment. There’s nobody else here.”

“We could,” agreed Kylo eagerly, getting up briefly to shrug off his cloak. He wrapped it around her shoulders before dragging her back down to where he resumed his place on the step.

Rey tottered forward on the little heels of her golden shoes. Sliding her arms around his neck and dropping her head to kiss his upturned lips. And Kylo forgot any hesitation he knew he should be feeling in such a public place, lost in how good it felt to have Rey in his arms again. He scooped her onto his lap, snug and warm against his body, tilting her head with his to open her lips, sliding an eager tongue between them. Excitement flooded him as his hand encountered the bare skin of her back under his cloak, wet from the rain.

She _had_ missed him. He could feel it in the passionate urgency of her kisses, in the clutch of her little fingers in his hair. Everything that had been strange and disturbing between them was melting away. And now Rey was calming down, her kisses slowing, softening, until she moved her head back to look into his eyes.

“We probably really should go back inside,” she giggled.

Kylo, squinting against an escalating assault of heavy raindrops, nodded breathlessly. Rey’s hair was soaking wet, that formerly sophisticated hair-knot now dislodged into sodden tendrils dripping over his cloak, her pretty dress creased from where he had crushed it unthinkingly against him.

But she had never looked more perfect. Because Kylo was now sure that Rey liked him again and she was smiling that smile he knew was just for him. He could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the angst! But I really do have very good reasons for flinging obstacles in the path of true love, I promise! I'm not just being mean!
> 
> Rey will become more honest about her emotions with Kylo very soon, and Kylo will make more of an effort to be sociable! PS: be prepared for a rather tipsy Kylo in the next one! Some silliness as well as yet more angst (sorry!), with a side order of friskiness on the Falcon ahead!
> 
> I didn't have any time to do an illustration this time, but I will hopefully update a chapter with another one soon. 
> 
> Thanks so much for the Kudos and comments! They are so so lovely to receive!! 🥰🥰


	33. Truths and Dares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The celebrations get a little juvenile, Kylo gets a little tipsy, and Rey’s friends get a couple of shocks. The dyad’s trust issues come to a head after a challenging moment, and Rey makes a decision that surprises Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can only apologise for the excessive silliness that abounds in the first part of this chapter! But it is followed by more serious and pivotal and fluffy moments for Rey and Kylo later on. 
> 
> Warnings – Alcohol consumption and drunkenness in this chapter. And some sexual content towards the end.
> 
> Also, there’s a new illustration up in Chapter 11. Family – Rey and Kylo all snuggled up and cosy in their bunk. 💕

How different everything was now after Rey and Kylo ran back inside, his cloak slung over both their heads to shelter them from the rain. How much _nicer_ everything was, now that they were together. Now that they had kissed away all of their worries and fears.

Rey couldn’t stop smiling now, but this time her cheeks didn’t ache from it. Or at least if they did, she didn’t notice. She could still feel Kylo’s lips pressing into hers, his warm fingers running over her wet bare back. Even when she wasn’t looking directly at him, she could still picture how sweet he looked with her little leaf in the palm of his big hand. That adorable expression in his dark eyes, beseeching her to forgive him.

And even though Rey had flattered herself that her efforts to present a happy carefree appearance had been quite convincing before, this change in her was very evident to at least one of her friends.

“So?” said Rose quietly, when Rey sat down beside her at the table she shared with Finn and Kaydel and Poe. “I take it you did talk then?” She looked pointedly at an oblivious Kylo who was shaking raindrops off his sodden cloak on the other side of Rey.

“Yes!” said Rey. “Everything’s fine! Everything’s great!” She giggled, and then blushed, her next words uttered in a whisper. “Rose, I heard what he said. To you and Leia.”

“Oh!” said Rose. “There really are no secrets between you, are there?” She saw Rey look a little uncomfortable at that and felt a pang of remorse. “Should I have told you? I should have, shouldn’t I? I’m sorry, I thought it would embarrass you. And him.”

Rey wrinkled her nose. “It _is_ embarrassing. But it was a mistake. And nobody else needs to know, do they?”

“If you mean Finn, no, definitely not,” said Rose with feeling. “I wouldn’t tell him. I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thank you,” whispered Rey.

Rose didn’t have a chance to answer her. Leia and Lando had arrived behind them and Kylo glanced up at his mother apprehensively. She smiled at him.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to drag you back to shake any more hands,” she said. “You’ve done more than enough for tonight. You can stay here with your friends.”

Kylo’s face froze but his knee under the table joggled against Rey’s in a frenzy of embarrassment. Rey pressed hers tight against it and it calmed, returning the pressure of hers.

“Look at you,” tutted Leia, fussily sifting a hand through her son’s wet locks. “You should get out of these wet things. You don’t want a chill to settle in your chest. Remember when -”

“I’m _fine,”_ interrupted Kylo in a mortified mutter, resisting the urge to dodge away from his mother’s reproachful hand.

Leia shook her head at him before turning to Rey. “And you, Rey! What were you both doing out there? You’re soaking wet!”

Rey started guiltily. Her eyes met Kylo’s equally guilty ones, as he sat trapped and hunched under his mother’s hand, his knee digging into Rey’s more forcefully than before.

“I didn’t ruin the dress!” she yelped quickly. “Kylo gave me his cloak.”

Leia laughed. “Rey! It’s your dress. It’s yours to do whatever you like with it. I just don’t want you to catch a cold.”

“I’m sure she found a way to keep warm,” said Lando with a roguish twinkle, earning himself a suspicious frown from Kylo and a blush from Rey.

Leia saw Poe’s eyes narrow, suddenly alert, and Kaydel’s eyes widen before flitting to Rey’s warm cheeks. She poked Lando not very subtly in the ribs.

“All I came over to say was that we’ll be ready to go to the Jedi temple tomorrow morning,” she said, deeming it appropriate to change the subject briskly.

“You’re coming?” said Kylo, who had been anticipating a trip away from watchful eyes with Rey.

“Yes, of course,” said Leia. “So don’t stay up too late. Or drink too much. We’re making an early start. Maz says the location is pretty remote, so it might take a while to reach it.”

Rey nodded mutely, nudging Kylo’s knee to do the same.

When Leia and Lando left them, Rey was grateful when Rose immediately started talking about something else that had happened that day. So grateful for anything that would take the focus off Kylo and herself. Even for a little bit, to allow Kylo time to recover whatever poise he had left.

And the rest of her friends congratulated themselves on their tactful forbearance. Because it had not been an easy task to hide their gleeful pleasure at the sight they had just been gifted. Kylo’s fond mother reducing the intimidating Supreme Leader to a sullen cringing adolescent had truly been a vision to behold.

In the end, after all of the disappointments that had preceded the much happier events in the rain, Rey did manage to fulfil that wish she had cherished that day of dancing with Kylo.

By that time, Kylo had disposed of another Soulean Brandy and chased it with a much more palatable Takodana Quencher, which although alcoholic, was fruity and sweet and fizzed pleasurably over the heady warmth of the brandy.

He was beginning to feel a lot more confident. Partly because Rose had ceased to send him irate looks, even if he did still feel a little nervous in her company. And Finn’s more relaxed attitude towards him made him feel less like an interloper in Rey’s group of friends.

But mostly because Rey had stayed beside him all the while, darting him happy smiling looks when nobody was looking.

Ben Solo could be whoever he wanted him to be. And Kylo decided that Ben Solo would like to dance with Rey. Even if the thought of it made his stomach lurch nervously. His eyes fixed on her as the cantina band switched tempo to play a tune with a slower, more measured beat.

He could do this. His mother had taught him this dance in their living room on Chandrila, standing him on her toes and whirling him around. And at last, Kylo would not have to bear that excruciating agony of seeing Rey dance with someone else. He _wanted_ to do this.

So headily consumed was he by his purpose, he was barely aware of her friends gaping at him as he led Rey into a gap near the centre of the room.

“I wasn’t sure you would want to do this,” smiled Rey in delight. Her aching feet magically restored now it was Kylo’s arm that was slung around her, his hand enveloping hers. Finally this night was becoming all that she had hoped for.

“Me neither,” Kylo admitted.

Although this was harder than he had anticipated. Having Rey in his arms usually meant kissing, and it was very, very hard to concentrate on anything else when all he could seem to think of was that. And Kylo was also very, very aware now that he was holding her so close (and not distracted by kissing), that the dress Rey wore had prevented her from wearing her usual chest bindings.

He was beginning to like it a lot more.

“I want to kiss you,” he said.

Rey giggled. “I want to kiss you too,” she said, “But, wait, now I’m forgetting… okay, no, one two three forward, sway right, sway left.”

Kylo looked at her in confusion until he realised what she was doing. She was counting the steps. His heart swelled at the sight of her continuing to measure the beats under her breath. While all around them, everyone else was so familiar with this popular dance, they performed the steps automatically.

It wasn’t fair that Rey was only learning how to dance now. It wasn’t fair that he had been begrudging her every dance all night.

“Rey!” he said with suppressed feeling, wanting to hug her to him and squish her until she squeaked. Wanting to hug her so tight that every horrible grim memory of her starved past would be smothered and squished until there was none left for her to remember.

“Ben,” she whispered back on a dreamy little smile, and the dance after that became an exquisite sort of torture for Kylo, so close to Rey, yet so far. His hands longed to roam uninhibitedly over her beautiful bare back, explore the curves and hollows of her lean muscles, slide over her satiny skin, trace the contour of her spine.

But he would be able to do all of that and more very soon. His grip on her hand tightened a little sweatily.

“I am going to kiss you all over,” he vowed romantically, and although that made Rey shiver in nervous anticipation, it also made her giggle.

“Are you drunk?” she asked.

“No, I always want to kiss you all over,” retorted Kylo, unable to drag his mind out of their bunk on the Falcon. “You know, like the thing I wanted to do through the Force.”

“At least you’re telling _me_ this time,” said Rey, disguising a dart of excitement under a breathless giggle.

Kylo didn’t want to remember that. Not now. “I want to do it now,” he said, his voice rising in a husky growl. “I want to get on my knees and lift up that dress and -”

 _“Ben!”_ laughed a shocked Rey, casting a quick look around to see if they were overheard.

But no appalled looks greeted her apprehensive gaze. She did spot that delegate from Naboo twirling around gracefully with Poe, and this time felt no dismay at the sight. Not now that she was in Kylo’s arms and he wanted to kiss her all over. (Although, she thought secretly, she would like to wear a dress like that sometime in the future. Rey had a feeling Ben would like that very much.)

She leaned in, spurred on by his boldness to become a little daring herself. “Okay. Although I was thinking maybe we could try it again, only this time _I_ could… you know? The other way around.” Her eyes shot a suggestive glance below his belt before meeting his again. “Is that a thing? Would you like that?”

Now Kylo went red, staring at her disbelievingly. He didn’t have time to answer her as the band switched to another faster tune, and Rey’s feet had begun to protest again. But he wouldn’t have known how to answer her even if there was all the time in the world.

Kylo was pretty sure that was indeed a thing. And now he was consumed with wondering what that thing would feel like.

As the night wore on, even the most raucous and lively of revellers were beginning to flag. Rey had long since relinquished her beautiful uncomfortable shoes, and Rose’s head had begun to loll on Finn’s shoulder.

Kaydel slapped the table. “Come on, people! Wake up. We should play a game.”

Poe groaned. “A game? Kaydel, seriously?”

“Yes,” persisted Kaydel, undeterred. “A drinking game. Come on, it’ll be fun.”

“No, it will not,” said Poe. “We’re not kids. What are you suggesting? The Bottle Chooses?”

“The Bottle Chooses?” said Rey curiously.

Kaydel turned on Poe. “See? Rey’s never played it. I bet Finn hasn’t either, have you, Finn?”

Finn shook his head warily. “What’s the game?”

“It’s a game you play when you’re a kid,” explained Rose patiently. “A silly game. We called it Spin the Bottle on Hays Minor. You spin a bottle and whoever it chooses when it stops has to either answer a question truthfully. Or do something they’re asked to do. Like a dare.” She shook her head at Kaydel. “It’s usually just an excuse to kiss each other. Or at least it was on Hays Minor.”

Kaydel laughed. “It was everywhere. If you refuse to answer the question or do the dare, you have to take a drink.” She turned to Kylo. “Have you played it?”

Kylo was hazily conscious of curious eyes on him. “No,” he said. He did know the game of course, but it was one of those things Snoke had sneered at. And Ben Solo had always been too afraid to tell the truth.

But Snoke was gone now and Ben Solo could do whatever he wanted.

“I’ll play.”

“This should be interesting,” murmured Kaydel and ordered a bottle of Lokkian Booster Blast from a passing waiter.

It _was_ a silly game, Rey realised a little later, but it was fun. She had learned that Poe had once been engaged to a spice runner from Kijimi called Zorrii Bliss. Rose and Paige had imaginary childhood pet fathiers – Ro Ro and Pae Pae, whose names later transitioned into their nicknames for each other. And Kaydel had deliberately flooded her schoolroom when she was twelve to avoid a history test.

Finn had accepted Poe’s challenge to turn a cartwheel on the dancefloor with limited success and a lot of bemused stares. Poe had wisely opted for a drink from the bottle rather than engage in an arm-wrestling contest with Chewie. And Rose had gamely danced alone to no musical accompaniment when the band took a break.

The bottle hadn’t chosen Kylo yet, and Rey was relieved about that. As lovely as it was to see him so relaxed, she was becoming worried that he was a little _too_ relaxed. The liquid courage that had fuelled his desire to dance had already made him much too indiscreet, and she was constantly engaged in a silent but hard-fought battle under the table to prevent his hand slithering over her thigh.

The bottle had only pointed towards her once so far and she had learned her lesson to choose a dare instead of a truth from this. Kaydel had asked her if she’d ever been kissed and Rey had blushed as she’d answered haltingly in the affirmative.

“And there we thought you hadn’t because of what you said on Ajan Kloss,” said Kaydel, shooting a sly glance at Kylo to see a complacent little smile hovering on his lips as he stared at Rey’s hot averted face.

“Your turn to spin, Rey,” said Rose quickly, before Kaydel could ask her anything else. The bottle twirled in front of Poe, who picked a dare, and Rey didn’t have time to think of anything before Kaydel suggested that he kiss someone in the group.

Poe raised his eyebrows at her with a grin and then turned to plant a hearty kiss on Finn’s surprised lips. That provoked a burst of laughter, along with splutterings from Finn and pursed lips from Kaydel. Poe winked at Kaydel before he spun the bottle to choose Kylo as its next target.

“Truth,” said Kylo.

“So many questions…” said Poe sotto voce and Rey froze. She thawed a little when Poe’s eyes met her anxious ones and seemed to relent slightly. “Okay then, the first time you used the Force.”

“I don’t really remember,” said Kylo. He thought for a moment. “I know I moved things, but the first time I can really remember doing that clearly was smacking our kitchen droid off a wall. I probably only remember it because my father was so shocked.”

“What did the poor kitchen droid do to deserve that?” protested soft-hearted Rose.

“Nothing I can remember,” shrugged Kylo.

Poe raised his eyebrows. “What a little charmer you must have been.”

Rey scowled at him. “It was probably Snoke’s fault.”

“Snoke?” said Finn.

“Yes!” said Rey forcefully. “He was inside Ben’s head. From before he was born. Making him do things.”

She faltered and looked around at Kylo guiltily. She probably shouldn’t have said that. But he didn’t seem annoyed.

“Yikes,” said Kaydel, into the horrified silence.

“Actually, I think the droid thing was just me,” Kylo had to admit, much as it had warmed his heart to witness Rey’s fierce leap to his defence.

He spun the bottle and slipped his hand underneath the table to take hers. This time her fingers curled through his.

When the bottle chose Rey again a while later, Kaydel was quick to pick her dare, even though it was Finn’s turn to choose.

“Kiss someone at the table,” she said before Finn had a chance to speak.

He spoke now. “Or you can take a drink,” he offered, looking at Kaydel darkly.

With good reason. Finn had been the victim of three kisses now. The first from Poe, then another more welcome one from Rose, followed by a revenge kiss from Kaydel as she glared pointedly at a laughing Poe.

It wasn’t much of an option. Rey had already seen Poe cough and shudder after his lengthy draught of Lokkian Booster Blast as they counted him down excruciatingly slowly from five in a teasing chant. And she could feel Kylo’s hand tightening on hers under the table.

He wanted her to kiss him. She wanted to kiss _him._

And with a couple of Bespin Fizzes warming her blood, Rey considered this challenge a reasonably legitimate pretext to do so.

All the same she felt justifiably apprehensive as she turned to face him. As she lifted her chin, and he dipped his head. As a whoop erupted from Kaydel (followed by a hissed “I _knew_ it!” to Rose) when her lips touched Kylo’s. And then her apprehension melted away as his lips parted hers to kiss her long and soft and deep, their hands twisting around each other’s under the table.

“Okay, okay! Hey, that’s enough!” said Finn as if he somehow knew that Kylo’s tongue had sneakily glanced off Rey’s, making her weak with longing.

“Yes,” agreed Poe grimly, seeing Rey and Kylo’s heated faces as they broke apart. “I think this game’s gone on long enough. Come on, Finn. Before you burst an artery or something.”

He shuffled Finn out of his seat to drag him to the bar. 

“I probably shouldn’t have done that,” muttered Rey, chastened by Finn’s troubled look at her before he left with Poe.

“Oh, I don’t know,” said Kaydel, casting an appreciative glance at Kylo. “It looked pretty enjoyable to me.”

“You weren’t given much choice,” said Rose equitably, nudging Kaydel in the ribs.

“Well, actually I was,” said Rey. “I could have taken a drink. Or kissed someone else.”

“You wouldn’t have done that!” said Kylo, appalled. He frowned woozily as she shot him a warning look. “What? Would you?”

“No, no!” said Rey hastily, desperate to shut him up. “Of course not.” She went redder than ever, squirming as Kaydel hid a grin behind her hand.

“Good,” said Kylo, with disastrous if slightly slurred clarity, draping a heavy arm around her and nuzzling into her neck. “Because I only want to kiss you.” A deep sigh wafted her hair airborne as his other hand landed on her waist and began to forage downwards. “All over.”

Rey sat up straighter, clutching his wandering hand to stall it before it discovered what it was searching for.

Kylo raised his head with a cross-eyed frown that disappeared when he looked at Rey’s face. “I forgot! You’re going to kiss _me._ On my… on my lightsaber,” he said, improvising cleverly.

Rey could barely look up, dreading meeting her friends’ eyes, but when she did, Kaydel only gave her a rueful amused grimace.

“I think someone’s ready for bed,” she said.

“Bed!” echoed Kylo, perking up a little more.

“Okay, we’re going,” said Rey quickly before he had a chance to say anything else.

By the time they reached the Millennium Falcon, Rey had realised she would have to wait until a later date before Kylo would be capable of delivering on his promise to kiss her all over.

It had been a stumbling sort of walk back over the sodden earthy-smelling grass. The little heels of Rey’s golden shoes plugging themselves into the softened ground with every step made it all the more awkward. Particularly with the added weight of Kylo leaning heavily on her shoulder, his chin bopping rhythmically off the top of her head.

She was relieved to reach the inner sanctum of the Falcon where she could finally let him go to slump down onto their bunk. But Kylo didn’t seem to want to get ready for bed now that he was finally there, content to squint up at Rey blissfully out of unfocused dark eyes.

“I think I’m happy,” he declared as she gave up on his tunic’s complicated hooks and loops and pulled it over his head. His arms slapped back down on his thighs after being released so suddenly. “Are you happy, Rey?”

“Very,” she smiled, loosening the straps on his boots so he could kick them off.

“I might have had a bit too much to drink though,” he acknowledged, wiping his hair from his face, and attempting to nudge off his second boot with his toe without much success. “I just wanted to be more like you. Have fun. And I did. Did you have fun?”

“I did,” she said, sliding his boot off. “I’m glad you did too. And it was good for my friends to spend more time with you." She winced. "Apart from maybe towards the end.”

“I don’t really care about them,” said Kylo, smiling beatifically at her as she undid his trouser fastenings. “As long as you like me. I was afraid you didn’t like me anymore before.”

Rey’s heart broke a little as she looked up into blearily sincere eyes.

“I do like you. Very much,” she said, straightening up to kiss him. He wrapped his arms around her and fell back onto the bed, dragging her with him.

“I like you forever and ever,” mumbled Kylo into her hair before he passed out.

And as adorable as that had been to hear, it was a long time before Rey fell asleep. It had been a strange sort of night that she was only beginning to unravel now as Kylo slept sonorously beside her, his heavy breathing interspersed with loud intermittent snores.

It _had_ been fun. Later on towards the end of the night. But this night had also been the first night Rey had compared herself to others of her sex, and she hadn’t enjoyed that at all.

It had been a shock to discover a side of her she hadn’t known she possessed. She couldn’t forget that horrible feeling that had persisted even after she had left the roaring din of the cantina with Rose, her mind so noisy and full she couldn’t make sense of it.

There had certainly been fury over that girl’s flirtatious manner with Kylo in there somewhere, but a more territorial part of her had just wanted to drag him back to the Falcon as soon as possible. Whether that was so she could thump him or kiss him Rey still wasn’t sure.

It hadn’t even mattered in that moment. She only wanted him to be with her. Only her. He was _hers._

Kylo turned, slinging an arm over her, pushing his leg through her thighs to bring them closer. Rey slipped her hand through his hair, cradling his head in the crook of her shoulder. He wanted the comfort of her body against his even as he slept. That should be enough.

It was enough. Rey knew it could never be the same for him anyway. Not when her physical pleasure came from the strength of his strong arms enveloping her, the breath-taking magnificence of that big powerful body. The transformation of those hostile aquiline features softening into an expression of glowing intensity. Just for her.

What could she give him that could compare to that? How could he ever feel the way she did? It wasn’t possible.

Rey stifled a groan of despair, trying to forget Kylo’s confused hapless eyes after she had snapped at him. How could she have done that when all he had wanted was to be close to her?

The only excuse her muddled mind could offer for her disturbing behaviour was that maybe she had been suddenly so frightened of losing him to someone else that she had momentarily lost control of her senses. Not like she had been afraid of losing him before. To Snoke. Or Palpatine.

Just some other woman who he found more attractive than her. A terrifying thought that had never even occurred to her prior to this.

Rey had never wanted to appear alluring to anyone before she had met Kylo Ren. She had never really considered herself as a _woman_ , an attractive woman, capable of entrancing a man with her physical appearance. And perhaps because of that, she had become suddenly aware of where she might rank on the scale of female attractiveness. It had not been a pleasant experience.

But staring at that woman, she had been acutely conscious for the first time in her life of her boyishly lean figure, her insubstantial chest, her short, ragged nails. And for the first time Rey had wondered if Kylo would prefer her body to be soft and curvaceous, her manner mysterious and seductive. And that had made her feel so strange and sick it petrified her.

Kylo was as new to all this as she was. As inexperienced as she was. What if the only reason he found her attractive was because she was the first woman to show an interest in him in that way?

But no. That was impossible. He was beautiful. Not even his allegiance to the Dark Side would have served as the deterrent it had been to her during all of those years in the First Order. Although there was also the possibility that Kylo’s taste didn’t run to women in uniform.

The object of all of these anxious deliberations muttered in his sleep, nuzzling his nose into her shoulder and her heart clenched with a need for him that felt close to anguish. She kissed the hair that tickled her cheek, that anguish soothed by the hand that clutched her waist tighter.

She had to stop torturing herself like this. Kylo did care about her. She knew that. Nobody else could have a connection to him like she had. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t perfect.

And bizarrely, it really did appear that he was oblivious to the charms of beautiful women like that delegate from Naboo. Whose name she couldn’t remember but had been all too willing to slice through with her lightsaber. Whom her suspicious mind had transformed into some dreadful predatory sexual goddess. A predatory goddess that Kylo had thankfully no idea had become a formidable opponent for his affections in the mind of Rey.

Rey was heartily ashamed of herself. She kissed the top of Kylo’s head again and slid her arm over his to wrap around his shoulder, holding him tight. Closing her eyes, waiting for sleep to claim her.

She didn’t want to worry anymore. She didn’t have to. Kylo was hers, just like she was his.

He had given her his name, like she had given him that sapling leaf. Promises they would keep to each other. Rey would keep his name until he was ready to accept it. And Kylo would keep her leaf until she was ready to offer herself to him.

_It is twilight where Rey is._

_At first, she thinks she is on Jakku, because sand scrunches underfoot as she walks towards a squat rounded building._ _She has the oddest feeling that she knows it, even though it is a place she doesn’t recognise._

_Even stranger is the surge of malice that rises within her as she sees a girl standing beside it, solitary and still. Rey paces closer, vaguely surprised to find that she towers over her. She sees her own eyes staring back at her._

_“He isn’t here,” says Kylo Ren from her lips._

_And Rey knows she is in Kylo’s dream. She feels her own fright running through the malevolence that clouds her mind, but she knows how to split herself away. She has done this before._

_It is different this time. She can feel him dragging at her as she tears and scratches and splices away._

_And now Rey is skidding and sliding down a steep bank into a pit, rough sand scouring her elbows._

_“Why do you run from me, Rey?” he says._

_She looks up to see him walking down the dunes, his boots sinking and grinding into the sand. Up further into his dark eyes, but Rey can’t find him there._

_“Don’t be afraid,” he says, holding out his hand._

_Rey knows if she takes it, he will hurt her._

_She shakes her head. “No!”_

_And now she is running, frantically scrambling to get away, leaping over rocks and stones in a dark cold place. She glances around to see Kylo charging after her, gaining inexorably as she falters. Sobbing in terror, Rey plunges forward again but now her legs are leaden, her feet sinking into the sharp loose stones with every step. She stumbles to her knees and looks up to see Kylo Ren looming above her._

_He drops down beside her as she tries to crawl away, grabbing her wrist to pull her back towards him._

_“Say my name,” he says, and Rey knows he is smiling from the sound of his voice, even though she can’t see him through her tears. She drags her arm over her eyes as he heaves her closer._

_And now she can see him._

_His soft black hair, his beautiful eyes, his long straight nose, those lips she has kissed over and over. All of his dear little freckles and moles._

_But it isn’t Ben, and she can’t say it. He’s gone. He’s lost to her forever. And that hurts so much more than his grip tightening around her wrist._

_“Tell me you love me, Rey from Nowhere,” he says. “And I’ll tell you every lie you long to hear.”_

_And Rey clenches her eyes shut._

_Wake up. Wake up. Wake up!_

Rey sat up gasping, her heart thumping. Beside her in the darkness, Kylo Ren lay, arm slung heavily around her waist. She dragged herself backwards cautiously, desperate not to wake him, desperate to escape his embrace. She felt him stirring and froze.

“Rey?” he whispered. His arm wrapped around her legs and then his hand explored upwards. “Rey?” He looked up in confusion. “Why are you up there? Can’t you sleep?”

He sat up, and Rey braced herself against the sloping wall of the bunk behind her.

“No,” she answered tightly.

He leaned back beside her and exhaled heavily, sending a potent mixture of spirits wreathing around their cramped space.

“I had the worst dream,” he said drowsily and rubbed his hands over his eyes.

“Oh,” said Rey.

He dropped his cheek onto her tense shoulder. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Rey couldn’t think of anything to say, trying not to release the words her mind was screaming.

“Rey?” said Kylo, raising his head to look up at her.

“Yes?” she said, in an attempt to sound nonchalant.

“What’s wrong?”

His voice was uneasy, and Rey knew it was useless to pretend that nothing had happened. She didn’t want to. She needed to try to calm down. But more than that, she needed to know.

“Your dream.” She took a deep breath. “I was in it.”

“You were,” he said confusedly. “How did you know?”

“No, I mean I was _in it_ , in it.” Rey turned to look at him. “I was in your dream. I thought it was mine at first. We were in a desert. And then we were somewhere else, somewhere cold. I managed to split myself apart from you and I ran away.”

Kylo stared at her in shocked disbelief. When he volunteered nothing, Rey hurried to break the silence.

“That was your dream, wasn’t it?”

Kylo’s eyes were wide and nervous. “Yes,” he said in a husky voice.

Rey had already known that, but his acknowledgement was still horrible. Echoes of his words taunted her, cold and cruel, so different from that sweet sleepy Kylo who liked her for ever and ever.

Kylo’s stomach churned, his head pounding from alcohol and dread. “You must hate me. Do you hate me?”

She shook her head, but couldn’t answer him, couldn’t look at him, too stunned by the fear and misery she had felt to make sense of anything.

He glanced away, not wanting to see disgust in her eyes. “I don’t know what to say. I can’t control my dreams.”

“I felt what you were feeling,” whispered Rey hesitantly. “You were enjoying it.”

Kylo tried to protest before giving in. “I know,” he admitted wretchedly.

When she didn’t say anything, he suddenly couldn’t bear to sit beside her anymore. He did understand her horror but there was another part of him that felt angry and violated. It was bad enough to endure a dream like that without someone else spying on it, judging him for something he was already so ashamed of. The fact that it was Rey made it so much worse.

He rolled off the bunk and grabbed his tunic off the floor to stumble down the passageway, to get away from her.

Once outside, Kylo gulped in a great breath of cool fresh air. He had forgotten his boots, but there was no way he was going back in there to retrieve them. Dragging on his tunic, he walked down the slope away from the Millennium Falcon until he was out of sight. He slumped down onto a mossy boulder on the side of the rough path beside the lake to stare out over the moonlit landscape. But all he could see was Rey’s face.

The fear in her eyes. The confusion and betrayal she hadn’t known how to hide. That horror that played over and over in his mind in an endless loop, tormenting him.

He was disgusting and vile and now neither of them could pretend he wasn’t. There was no way to deny that the actions in the dream were his, even if they had felt strangely separate and alien to him.

How could he have thought everything was changing? He knew he shouldn’t feel as surprised as he did. He shouldn’t feel so crushed, as if an iron vice clamped hard around his chest. There was a part of him that was always going to be dark, broken, that part that derived a savage pleasure in inflicting pain and dread. There was no escaping from a past like his unscathed.

And now Rey knew exactly what sort of person he really was, the person he had always known himself to be. There was no coming back from that. The worst had happened. Rey had seen everything he had tried to hide from her, from himself, before. But this was different.

Because that had been before he had become the person she kissed and slept beside and trusted. Kylo’s heart wrenched inside him because he couldn’t bear to think about that now. No more sleepy embraces, no more whispered endearments or morning kisses.

His breath shuddered, his fist thumped down hard into the rock he sat on. The pain throbbing from his grazed knuckles gave him a momentary release, but then it just simply hurt. Kylo gripped it with his other hand, feeling stupid for deliberately hurting himself and doubled over. Breathing in, breathing out, tears of pain and frustration slipping from his clenched shut eyes.

A touch on his shoulder made him freeze.

“Ben,” said Rey softly and then she was sitting down beside him.

He didn’t move, simultaneously humiliated by his tears, and confused by her presence. Why would she want to be near him after what she had seen?

“Go away. Please,” he said tersely, but she didn’t move.

“No,” whispered Rey, and he felt her hand creep through the crook of his elbow.

He exhaled carefully, trying to calm himself, still not willing to look at her. She might be able to bring herself to touch him, but he would see the truth in her eyes. And Kylo wasn’t ready for that. He wasn’t sure he ever would be. They sat still for what felt like the longest time, until he felt her move slightly.

“It’s getting cold,” she said. “Do you want to go back?”

“You can,” he muttered, with effort.

“No, I’m okay,” she said, tucking her arm into his more firmly.

It _was_ quite chilly, a light breeze blowing over the lake. His bare toes were getting cold and Rey’s night attire of shorts and vest was a lot lighter than his leather tunic. Much as he wanted to be alone, he was getting the distinct impression that Rey would obstinately remain with him, no matter how cold she was. As if terrorising her in her dreams wasn’t enough, he could also be responsible for her catching a chill.

“We should go back,” he said, getting up abruptly.

Rey’s hand slipped through his as they walked side by side back to the ship that had been such a happy place for them both. Kylo was grateful to be able to drop her hand when they entered and also for the darkness within as he stripped off his outer clothes. He lay down carefully, looking up at the ceiling as Rey climbed into the bunk beside him.

And then she moved over him so she was looking down into his apprehensive eyes, and Kylo couldn’t look away, riveted by the softness in her gaze. She reached up to stroke the side of his face, moving closer to press her lips gently against his. He kissed her back cautiously, his eyes still watching her, feeling her fingers slide into his hair, her other hand resting lightly on his chest.

It felt beautiful but fragile and Kylo was almost afraid to touch her, afraid to break the spell her tentative caresses and kisses were casting over him. Her fingers slipped down his cheekbone to touch his lips, to stroke his jawline.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

She shook her head. “It was a dream.”

His lips tightened, feeling a lump form in his throat. “Like this is.”

“No. This is real,” answered Rey firmly.

Although Kylo did look like the perfect embodiment of any girl’s most interesting dreams, lying back on the bed, dark eyes defenceless, big pink lips parting, tousled black hair spread out over the pillow.

But Rey could feel the warmth of his strong body solid beneath her. He was real. She could touch him. So she did, her fingers slipping wonderingly over his broad bare shoulders, brushing down over his deep chest, his taut stomach.

“I’ve had dreams like that,” she said. “I can’t really remember them when I wake, but I know I’ve done something bad. To you.” Her hand rose again to touch his cheek, where the faint trace of the scar she had given him shone silver. “ _I’m_ sorry. I shouldn’t have been so shocked. Because I know even if I dream of hurting you I never would. I never could.”

“ _You_ never could,” said Kylo. “But you know I could. We both know it.”

That wasn’t true. Rey knew that now. He wasn’t that creature in the dream. He would never say those words to her. He would never hurt her again.

“You wouldn’t,” she said.

The weight of her trust sank him, and he raised his hands to cover his face so she couldn’t see him anymore. He felt her fingers touch his.

“Please look at me, Ben.”

Kylo gave in to the entreaty of her insistent fingers and dropped his hands. To see Rey watching him with a strangely hesitant expression.

“I know what it’s like not to trust yourself,” she started, and then seemed to gather resolve after a pause. “I didn’t trust what I knew about you. That’s why I was so… so weird with you outside the castle. When you thought I was angry about your transmission with Rose. I was jealous. I thought you wanted to be with another woman. Not me.”

Kylo stared at her, seeing her grimace in embarrassment, and felt horribly guilty even though he didn’t know why. Jealous of who?

His mind spun, desperately trying to remember who he had spoken to in Maz’s cantina. His mother and Larma D’Acy were the only women he could think of that he had spent an appreciable amount of time with. But Rey surely couldn’t be jealous of his mother?

And if memory served, he was pretty sure Larma D’Acy had always been more interested in her own sex rather than his. Actually, his memory _did_ serve him right. He had been introduced to Larma D’Acy’s partner that very night.

But it was highly unlikely any of these women would have roused that green-eyed vengeful demon in Rey’s lovely breast anyway.

“I don’t understand,” he said anxiously. “I don’t know who you’re talking about.”

Even in the dim light of the captain’s bunk, Kylo could see Rey blush.

“The delegate from Naboo,” she said in a suffocated voice. “A blonde woman? In a black dress?”

The mention of Naboo jogged Kylo’s memory. His mother _had_ introduced him to someone from the planet his grandmother had once ruled as its queen. But he couldn’t remember anything else about that conversation, much less what this apparently blonde woman had looked like. He had been too busy keeping his own jealous eye on Rey at the time.

He saw Rey eyeing him uncertainly and rushed to reassure her. “I do remember now. But only because she was from Naboo. That’s it. I don’t even remember what she looked like.”

“Are you sure?” asked Rey hopefully. “She is very beautiful.”

And Kylo could only shake his head. Because nobody else could deserve that word, not while Rey existed, outlined in soft light that rested lovingly on her shining eyes, high cheekbones, and deliciously curved upper lip. He wanted to save this image to keep forever, to capture this moment in time. This perfect girl sitting astride him, looking down at him so wistfully.

“You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen,” said Kylo with heartfelt sincerity. “I have never even looked at anyone else the way I look at you. And I know I never will. I was jealous of every single person you spoke to tonight. And danced with.”

Rey shook her head in a heady blend of embarrassment and joy, tears filling her eyes.

“You shouldn’t have been. You never, ever have to be again,” she whispered huskily. “I think _you’re_ beautiful. I can’t even imagine thinking that about any other man. I never have before.”

“Okay,” said Kylo shakily, wanting to believe her with all his heart.

But Rey didn’t like to see that little hint of doubt in Kylo’s eyes.

“I’m not very good at saying… nice things,” she said carefully. “Like the things you say to me. I _think_ them. I think them all the time about you. I want to be better at saying them.”

Kylo’s heart clenched. “You don’t have to be. It’s new to me too.” He drew her down to wrap his arms around her, snuggling her head under his chin. “And I think those things about you too. All the time.”

Rey turned her head to kiss a little dark freckle on his chest. “I like your freckles. And your moles,” she said, deciding that there was no time like the present to make good on her new resolution.

The chest under her cheek shook on a surprised little laugh. “You do? I like your freckles too. Rose caught me admiring them on Kef-Bir.”

That made Rey giggle and press her lips into his skin again. “I like your ears,” she said, on a roll now.

Kylo groaned. “You really don’t have to say that.”

“Yes, I do,” said Rey firmly.

She lifted her head to see him smiling at her and reached up to tuck his hair behind one of those charmingly rounded ears. He looked adorable.

Kylo’s smile faded a little, his eyes wide as he gazed down at her.

“You have the most beautiful eyes in the entire galaxy,” he whispered, and something in the way he said it made Rey’s heart jolt. She scrambled up to kiss him, long and ardently on his lovely lips. Which she now had to let him know just how lovely they were.

And so it continued, in this very enjoyable way for a while. And it _was_ enjoyable, even if Rey’s heart raced a little with every compliment she bestowed on Kylo. As if she was giving away a little bit of it to him with every single one.

And Kylo was flushed all over with the strangest, pleasantest, warmest feeling. It was so very nice to say nice things to Rey. To tell her the truths she should have known her whole life. Because every little thing about her really was so very, very beautiful.

“Do you think we’re weird?” frowned Rey after a contented moment of silence. “I think everyone else thinks it’s weird that I haven’t been attracted to anyone. Except you. Obviously. But they don’t know that.”

Except Rose. And Kaydel. And Leia. And Lando, she thought with a private squirm.

“I don’t care,” said Kylo. “I don’t care what anyone else thinks but you.”

“Me too,” said Rey and realised she meant it. Although now that she was thinking about her friends, another memory of the evening swam back into her mind. “I think Finn knows. Or at least suspects that you like me.”

Kylo didn’t look as surprised as she thought he would. But then she hadn’t been present like Finn had when Kylo had bounced General Quinn repeatedly off the ceiling in the wake of his insult to Rey in the High Command chamber.

“Did he warn you off me?” he said, feeling strangely betrayed.

Rey frowned. “Not exactly. Or he did, but not like before. I think he was more worried for you than me this time.”

“Oh,” said Kylo, that strange betrayed feeling dissipating into an even stranger warmth. Maybe he _did_ care, just a little, about what other people thought after all.

“He doesn’t have to worry,” said Rey softly. “And neither do you. I’ll never hurt you. Never.”

She leaned in to kiss him, and Kylo closed his eyes, giving in to the sensation of soft lips investigating his, warm fingers settling on his bare shoulders. The feel of her body against his was almost unbearably exquisite. And it was all a little overwhelming after being so convinced that it was all over such a short time before.

But it was next to impossible now to think about his own flaws and doubts when something so lovely was happening. When Rey cared for him despite these flaws. When she thought they were beautiful.

Kylo surrendered readily to impatient lips pushing against his more insistently to part them. Her tongue touched his with a shivering excitement and he closed his eyes, his arms rising to pull her body over his, kissing her more fervently. Rey’s lips left his to kiss his cheek, his eyelid, his forehead, and Kylo’s arms slackened around her as she raised her head to look at him. His eyes opened to see a little smile lift her lips.

At first, Kylo didn’t realise what her intention was as she moved away to kiss her way down his chest, until he felt a kiss pressed into the hollow of his hip. Rey’s fingers curled around the top of his shorts and as his head reared up in surprise, they had tugged them down over his hipbones.

“Rey!” he said in a shocked whisper, his heart thumping.

“I owe you,” she said resolutely.

Kylo struggled to sit up, but his shuffling movements only aided Rey’s efforts to slide his shorts down further.

“You don’t… you don’t owe me!” he stuttered. “I _wanted_ to do that.”

“And I want to do this,” said Rey. Her eyes softened. “Trust me. Please.”

What could he say to that? Kylo could only watch in disbelief as Rey dipped her head to place a strangely chaste kiss gently upon that part of him that had always betrayed his need for her. Even before he had wanted to admit it to himself. His elbows trembled and he collapsed back onto his pillow, his dizzy head spinning giddily.

He didn’t know what to do. Kylo wasn’t sure Rey did either, but what she _was_ doing was more than enough to cause his fingers to flex and claw at the sheets under him.

But he did soon realise that closing his eyes was a bad idea. In the darkness all he knew was the feel of Rey’s lips. And then Rey’s tongue. And now Rey’s lips closing around him. Sliding as far as they could down his length, until Kylo was swallowed up by a softness that clenched around him. Sliding up, drawing him in again with long slow massages of her tongue. With such greedy little noises, his brain reeled in something close to panic.

His eyes shot open, his cheeks puffing out on a stifled gasp. This was much, much too nice.

Kylo stared up at the padded ceiling of their bunk, afraid to look down in case the sight that met his eyes would completely ignite his already overcharged senses. It felt like much too much already.

He wanted to tell Rey to stop. To touch her, to drag her up towards him and hug her and cry until there were no tears left. But he was afraid to move at all, digging his fingers into the mattress in case they flew up to clutch her head, stretching out his shivery thigh muscles for fear his hips would move as they begged him to.

His lovely Rey. Doing such unspeakably lovely, lovely things to him.

“Rey!” hissed Kylo, jolting up as that thought combined with a particularly miraculous flick of her tongue pushed him teetering over the edge. He tried to scramble away before he lost control completely.

_Don’t choke Rey. Don’t choke Rey._

But Rey’s hand clamped over his, her other splaying over his tense stomach to keep him where he was. Kylo only had the briefest glimpse of her head bowed over him before his eyes shut on a surge of delirious pleasure, pulsing through him as Rey stayed with him.

Stayed with him through it all, twisting her fingers into his, caressing his shuddering stomach.

His eyes opened to see her release him with a rude little sound. And then widened as he saw her swallow, before planting a kiss into the soft skin in the curve of his hip. She met his astonished gaze with a mischievous smile and Kylo sat up to drag her onto his lap, holding her tightly to him as his heart thumped against hers.

“Did you like that?” whispered Rey in his ear.

Kylo groaned, hugging her tighter, his heart bursting with too much… _everything_ for him to bear.

“You didn’t have to do that,” he said in a voice that broke. “You never have to do that again.”

Rey pulled back to look into his eyes, to hold his gaze, her fingers softly stroking the hair that clung, damp and curling on his hot brow. The back of her tongue testing that fiery tingle in her throat curiously.

Which had surprised her. It shouldn’t have. After all it tasted a little like the tang of his fresh sweat, which Rey liked very much. And now she liked the taste of this happy stuff too. Rey suspected she would happily acquire any taste associated with Kylo. Particularly if doing so brought him such bliss.

Bliss that she did not want him to feel guilty about, as adorable as that guilt looked on him, all porg eyed and trembling lipped.

“I want to,” she said fiercely. “I want to kiss you all over forever and ever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case some readers aren’t aware, the confession Kylo makes about the kitchen droid is inspired by the novel Last Shot, by Daniel José Older. In the novel a kitchen droid attempts to kill Ben Solo when he is two years old. So I thought it could be possible he might have a subconscious memory of that, and it could result in him flailing out with the Force at another kitchen droid later on.
> 
> I made up Rose’s nickname, but Paige’s came from Star Wars: The Last Jedi Cobalt Squadron, by Elizabeth Wein (I’m almost sure!). And as they loved fathiers, I thought giving them imaginary ones would be cute! 
> 
> And the Spin the Bottle game was inspired by his majesty, Rian Johnson, who suggested that Ben Solo might have played that game at Luke’s Jedi academy when Adam asked him if he thought Kylo had ever kissed a girl. I decided he hadn’t, but that it was about time for him to go through that rite of passage! 
> 
> Thank you so much for the Kudos and comments and subscriptions! Honestly, getting those notifications gives me such happy bursts of excitement you wouldn't believe! So thank you sooo much! 💖


	34. Learning about Lightsabers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s the morning after the night before, and Kylo and Rey reflect on the consequences of their fun in Maz’s castle. Be advised: heads will hurt, cringes will be cringed, and conversations will be silly. And lightsabers will receive particular attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I had originally written this chapter to start at the Jedi temple, but I felt the repercussions from the night before required a little more attention. And also, I couldn’t resist giving the dyad the cuddly morning they deserved after all that angst before things get very serious!  
> So in the end I wrote so much I had to split the chapter into two pieces, otherwise it wasn't looking likely I'd get anything at all posted before the weekend. Apologies to anyone who was looking forward to the Jedi temple and now has to read this rather ridiculous bit of silliness on the Falcon instead. I promise it will appear in the next one! Please note Chapter count is now 47.
> 
> Warning – Some content of a sexual nature in this chapter.

A new day dawned over the Tashtor Sector in the Western Reaches, an important day that would hold considerable significance not only for the dyad, but for the galaxy as a whole. For this was to be the day when the last hopes of the galaxy would finally visit the Jedi temple on Takodana.

But the significance of this day was not sufficiently appreciated by one of these last hopes who awoke as dawn broke over Maz’s castle.

Kylo awoke with a tight fuzzy head and a parched throat, his skin feeling horribly papery and dry. But much more horrible than any of those unaccustomed sensations was a dreadful sense of foreboding that lurked in the back of his mind.

An ominous sense that was swiftly substantiated by terrible visions of hunting Rey down remorselessly through shifting sands. Into a place so cold and dark that even now it raised the fine hairs on the back of his neck. But worse than that was the memory of that awful cruel delight, that malicious pleasure that had swept over him on seeing Rey’s terror, her despair.

And then these memories were momentarily relieved when he remembered how understanding, how kind Rey had been in the wake of his hideous dream. So kind, Kylo felt grateful surprise even now. But it wasn’t just her kindness that had surprised him.

How startling her shamefaced confession had been. The thought that Rey could be jealous of anyone else because of him had been shocking. And now that Kylo was beginning to think relatively clearly, despite his aching head, he could properly appreciate the fact that Rey had been just as shocked to discover he too had been jealous.

She had told him she had never felt the same way she did about him for anyone else. And that she never would. And now Kylo knew that was true. He knew it just as clearly as he knew he felt exactly the same way about her. Because Rey had shown him she cared, in so many ways that at the time it had been all too much all at once.

But not now. It was easier now to think coherently while Rey slept peacefully in his arms, those big earnest eyes closed. Not searching his face, waiting for a response, much too soon after that horrible nightmare that had still lingered much too vividly in the back of his mind. Now that he had this time to gather his thoughts, remember her words, and remember what she had looked like when she had said them.

Those sweet things she had said, so quietly at first. Until they had become laughing gleeful confessions, interspersed with kisses and cuddles that had been just as heartbreakingly lovely as her words. And even then, every one of those words had touched him, as if every part of him Rey had complimented had soaked up that compliment and become as precious as she said they were. That scarred body, that brittle shell he had built up around his scarred bitter heart sanctified and softened by her kindness, her tenderness, her smiles.

This had all become so much more than the dyad that had bound them together over a year ago. If Rey could feel this way about him, having met many more men over that year, much more deserving of those feelings, Kylo knew it meant something. Something good.

Perhaps at first she hadn’t chosen him to share this strange connection, just like he hadn’t chosen her. But they _had_ chosen to let each other in, much more deeply than the Force demanded. They had chosen to care for each other, despite whatever barriers had flung themselves up in their way. And there had been a _lot._ And Kylo was pretty sure there would be more.

But these didn’t worry Kylo the way they had before. Because now at least he knew that Rey would not let them stand in her way. She would not allow them to hamper or obscure that understanding between them they had both nurtured so carefully. And Kylo was ready now to let her break through those barriers. All of them.

Just like he had when he let her do that _thing_ she had done after all of those lovely confessions. An act that had seared through his soul just as powerfully as it had stimulated and petrified his tense body.

Kylo wished he could go back to that place, knowing what he knew now. He wished he had not been afraid of those feelings that had rushed through him while he lay there staring up at the ceiling. He wished he could have let himself truly enjoy her kisses, every touch of her tongue, every caress of her lips. Because they had been so beautiful, so innocently curious, so sweetly determined to bring him pleasure.

But he _had_ been afraid. As afraid of the intensity and strength of those feelings, as he had been afraid of frightening Rey. Of disgusting her or distressing her by showing her how desperately he needed her. How _obviously_ he needed her.

If only he could have known then she would hold him like she had when those feelings had overcome him completely. If only he had known then how her lovely face would break into a smile afterwards, so proud and pleased and happy with her efforts. She hadn’t been frightened or disgusted. Or distressed. Not even a little bit.

Kylo’s chin quivered, his sore eyes filling painfully, picturing Rey’s grave little frown when she had made him look into her eyes. Her severe tone so at odds with the softness of her words. When she had told him she wanted to kiss him all over. Forever and ever.

And now Kylo believed that. And he could imagine nothing more beautiful. He should have _told_ her that.

His chest heaved on an involuntary sob, like the ones that had shaken him in the aftermath of her words. When Rey had held him so close, soothing those sobs away with gentle kisses into his hair, calming strokes on his back.

He blinked away his tears now and stifled this sob, willing down the ones that threatened to follow it, not wanting to wake this lovely person who had already given him so much.

Because now Kylo understood those tears. They hadn’t been tears of anguish like the ones he had shed after his dream. And they hadn’t been tears of gratitude. Not entirely. They had been tears of happiness. Like these were.

But as Kylo shifted slightly to look down at Rey’s sleeping face, other, less vivid memories attempted to rise ominously to the surface. For a moment he wondered if those too had been but disconnected fragments of yet more strange disturbing dreams.

But there was something more real about those fleeting glimpses of Rose and Kaydel’s cringing smiles, those fleeting sensations of Rey’s warm skin against his lips, the slippery cool feel of her silken gown in the palm of his hand. The noisy confused hubbub that formed the background of those memories.

What had he said? What had he _done?_

Kylo’s dry throat swallowed with some difficulty, his tongue gluing nastily to the roof of his mouth.

He had kissed Rey in the dining hall. He was pretty sure of it. He _was_ sure of it. Because of some stupid dare. And now Kylo, flooded with jumbled recollections of sliding tongues and enthusiastic sloppy angling for deeper and more passionate kisses, went cold at the thought of just how that must have looked.

And as if Rey had been roused by the turbulent thoughts racing through the mind beside her, she began to stir. Her eyes opening to squint up at him. To see Kylo’s face wan and ashen under that fading glow from his recent outings in the sun.

“Hello,” she said with a wincing sort of half-smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Not great.” Kylo ducked away from her kiss, too conscious of that tacky gummy dryness, that disgustingly sickly sour taste in his mouth. Takodana Quenchers might taste good going down, but their aftertaste left much to be desired.

“Sorry,” he said, seeing Rey frown worriedly. “I taste horrible.”

Rey twisted around to grab a glass of water from the locker beside the bed. She handed it to him.

“See? I remembered your advice,” she declared smugly and much too loudly, her clear voice grating through Kylo’s sensitive head. “You told me to drink water that time the Force connected us, remember? I thought you might need it.”

Kylo sat up to slug the water back thirstily, feeling it flow through him, cool and refreshing, as if it revitalised every arid vein in his body.

And Rey watched his gulping throat with a thirst of her own. Made all the more thirsty by the sight of Kylo wiping those big deliciously wet lips with the back of a big strong hand. Not dampened in the least by the subsequent gentle little burp he tried to suppress politely into this hand.

“Better?” she said, taking the glass and plonking it back down on the locker before snuggling into him again.

“Much,” said Kylo, accepting her kisses gratefully now. His head still throbbed, but even it felt better while Rey’s hand was slipping through his hair to stroke it. Rey planted a firmer kiss into his lips and sat back a little to look at him.

“When I was telling you all of the things I liked about you last night, I forgot to tell you I liked your lightsaber,” she said with an impish smile.

A perplexed frown crossed Kylo’s pallid brow.

“Okay,” he said.

“Your _lightsaber!”_ persisted Rey. “Remember? It’s what you called it last night.”

And now Kylo did remember. He stared at her, aghast, and Rey’s giggles subsided remorsefully.

“I’m sure nobody else knew what you meant,” she lied hastily, but Kylo groaned, burying his face in her neck, wanting to fold up and sink all of him inside her so nobody could ever see him again.

“Oh, Ben,” whispered Rey, her hand rubbing his back comfortingly as she felt a heavy sigh surge hopelessly through his chest. “Don’t worry about it. Please. I thought it was lovely. Okay, maybe not so much at the time. But it _was_ lovely. _You’re_ lovely.” Her only answer was another despairing groan, and Rey couldn’t bear it. But she did know a very speedy way to cheer him up.

She reached down between them to find Kylo’s self-entitled lightsaber, not so fierce and intimidatingly big now, nestled soft and repentant against his thigh. She took it gently in her hand. At first Rey only really meant to caress it, to make him feel better. But this was interesting, a different kind of interesting than her most recent experience had been with it.

She had felt more than a little apprehensive about what to do with it when she had slithered down his body the night before. It had been daunting to work out exactly what she was supposed to do with something so formidably big and so eagerly expectant right under her nose. But it had been surprisingly easy to please it. Everything she had tried had seemed to work. Quite quickly.

And now it held no fears for her. Or at least not as many as it had held then. Even if she _had_ felt a brief moment of panic towards the end when Kylo had not been able to control his arching jolts into her mouth. But Rey was glad she hadn’t recoiled away.

She was glad she had stayed, just like he had with her, when she had been the one to receive these sorts of attentions.

Rey knew what it was like to feel that panicked pleasure. And she knew what it was like to have that frightening euphoria simultaneously reassured and deepened by the heart-shuddering tenderness of softly willing lips, an attentively devoted tongue.

And she had _liked_ it. Much more than she had expected she would. It had been so surprisingly rewarding to give Kylo pleasure. So exciting to taste that very exciting part of him, to embrace it with her lips. So lovely to know he trusted her not to hurt that fine delicate skin with her teeth. So gratifying to be given the chance to show him just how much she liked that particularly honest part of him that always told her the truth.

This sorry subdued lightsaber she held in her hand now was a different beast to the one that had initially intimidated her last night. But just as lovely. Heavy and warm and fascinatingly spongy in her hand. It was really sort of adorable. Rey couldn’t resist playing with it, squidging it experimentally, swinging it from side to side against his thighs with soft little smacks.

That succeeded in rousing Kylo from his slumped despair. He moved back to glance down.

“What are you doing?” he said.

“Playing?” ventured Rey.

Although she suspected her fun would not last much longer. She must have unwittingly pressed the button to ignite, because that sweet floppiness was beginning to stiffen and thicken and extend at an alarming rate. And now that Kylo was looking into her eyes with a surprised frown, Rey was suddenly apprehensive. Maybe what she had been doing had been much too intimately encroaching. Her hand stalled.

“Sorry,” she said timidly. “Do you not like that?”

But now Kylo was smiling. Inside as well as outside. It felt nice, so unbelievably nice to be played with like this. Even if it had gotten a little too nice.

“No, don’t be sorry,” he whispered. “You can do whatever you like with it. It’s all yours.”

Rey scrunched her nose at him, touched and buoyed up by his smile as much as his words.

“I can’t take another lightsaber off you,” she said.

That huffed a laugh out of Kylo. “Yes, you can. Lightsaber number two definitely wants to belong to you.”

“Lightsaber number _one,”_ corrected Rey a little severely. “This one is much nicer than the other one.”

Lightsaber Number One stiffly nodded its approval of that sentiment, making them both laugh. Making Kylo remember something else he had almost forgotten. Another lightsaber and another time. He eyed Rey for a moment before deciding bravely to share that memory.

“Do you remember when you gave me back my lightsaber on Jakku?”

Rey looked a little taken aback by this unexpected tangent. “Yes?”

Kylo felt a blush creep up his cheeks, briefly wishing he had suppressed that urge to tell Rey about such a ridiculous moment. But then he pushed that thought away. What did he have to fear while Rey was looking curiously into his eyes, while her hand caressed him so absentmindedly, so fondly?

“Before you gave it to me, when you held it in your hand…” he started and swallowed manfully before he continued. “I imagined this. What you’re doing now. Holding me like this.”

 _“Ben!”_ she laughed, her eyes popping wide.

“I didn’t _want_ to,” he said quickly. “It just popped into my head.”

Rey giggled and wriggled back so she could lean down and press a kiss into the top of Kylo’s guiltily wavering Lightsaber Number One. She straightened up to see the one who wielded it staring at her.

“What?” she said with an unrepentant grin. “I think that’s so cute. And look how happy it is now that I _am_ holding it.”

Kylo’s heart swelled. Along with that other part of him that had been threatening to deflate. “It’s because it’s where it wants to be. Only with you.”

“Are you sure?” giggled Rey, unable to hide a rush of pure delight. “I did break the last lightsaber I took from you.”

Kylo laughed. “We both did,” he said. “And as I’m not going to try and take this lightsaber away, I don’t think you’ll break this one.”

“You’d better not try to take it,” warned Rey, gripping him tighter. “I’m very attached to it now.”

This conversation was getting absurd, and Kylo was loving every moment of it.

“You’re very silly,” he said gruffly, kissing the tip of her freckled nose.

Rey smiled back. “You make me silly,” she said, feeling suddenly shy. “Silly in a happy way.”

That thudded into Kylo’s chest as if he had been struck by a hammer. But in a _nice_ way. Reverberating and resonating in the nicest way he could imagine. Because that was exactly how he was feeling. _Exactly._ And warm and excited and lightheaded with it.

Rey smiled back at him breathlessly, so enchanted by those dimples peeking out from his cheeks. More than anything she wanted to tell him that thing she had never said to anyone else. Now that she was feeling a lot more confident about telling Kylo what was on her mind.

But those three little words were such _huge_ little words, and Rey couldn’t speak them aloud. He needed to hear them, just as much as she longed to say them, but maybe he wasn’t ready. Or maybe _she_ wasn’t ready. Even though they blazed through her mind, embedding themselves deeper into her secret soul over and over as she gazed into his eyes.

But for now, the caresses of her hand could try to let him know. Like her lips could, in a different wordless sort of way, pressing into his with enthusiasm. An enthusiasm that grew when she felt his fingers sneak under the waistband of her sleep shorts and burrow down to seek out her own desire for him.

Rey’s thigh slung around his, just as he nudged it aside with his knee.

“This is yours,” she whispered as his fingers slid over that place between her thighs.

And Kylo’s fingers paused, his head shooting back to look into her eyes.

Rey writhed against those motionless fingers, maddened with the need for him to touch her. So excited by the look in his eyes she felt no hesitation at all.

“Just for you and only you. If that’s what you want.”

“I want it,” whispered Kylo. And then with greater urgency. “I want you.”

“I want _you,”_ breathed Rey, squirming closer, so close she could feel him digging into her thigh. Just under that place she had so gladly bequeathed to him a couple of moments before. Wringing a gasp out of Kylo, bringing his fingers back to life again, and Rey’s eyes slammed shut in rapture.

Because now she could feel him, bumping warm and hard against the soft skin of her thigh with every stroke of her hand. And she could tell that excited Kylo just as much as it did her. His breath hot in her mouth as their kisses became less like kisses and more like shared sobbing gasps for air. The strokes of his fingers much more agitated than they had been any other time she could remember.

Much more _agitating_. Concentrating on that place he had discovered before that had made her tremble in surprise. That little place that was so incredibly sensitive to every tiny movement, now bombarded relentlessly by the broad pad of a determined fingertip.

Rey tried to kiss him, but ended up more kissing _at_ him, fleeting sloppy glances off a soft full lip, the side of a nose, the raspy underside of a chin. Those words in her mind screaming to be let loose.

Just as other words screamed through Kylo’s heated mind, those words Rey had said before he had left. His addled brain much too addled to caution him about getting too overexcited before she could deliver on that promise.

_“You, inside me.”_

Kylo whimpered, just as one of his escalating thrusts into Rey’s hand and soft thigh, aided by the slippery effects of his own excitement, skidded him unexpectedly upwards. And as he plunged into a nosedive under his own busy hand, he was met with a warm barrier, so soft, so wet, his brain cautioned him much too late.

_It was happening! Really happening!_

Kylo stiffened and shuddered, his frenzied brain fizzing and shorting out, that other part of him he had likened to his lightsaber stuttering and sputtering just as violently as its namesake.

And Rey, abruptly winded by the shuddering body of Kylo collapsing on top of her, was overwhelmed by this warm heavy weight. That shocking sensation of hot hard heat pressing up against that place where his finger had been. A sudden warmth flooding deliciously over her clenching thighs.

All so terribly new and unbelievably exciting, Rey’s own particular ecstasy caught up with Kylo’s in a matter of seconds. Even if hers was wheezed out of her a little frantically.

But she was glad Kylo didn’t apologise for tumbling on top of her when he came to his senses. Rey was glad he could laugh about it just like she did, his sheepish exalted little chuckles creasing those lovely dimples around his smiling mouth.

“I’ll always, always want you,” he groaned, kissing her ear. “Much too much.”

Rey turned her head to kiss into a dimple. “Much too much would never be enough for me,” she said. “I’ll always want you much too much more.”

And Kylo was delighted at this. “You shouldn’t say that. Lightsaber Number One is listening. And it remembers everything.”

“I don’t know.” Rey grinned, testing that weapon still clasped in her hand, which had now dwindled back to its former innocuous sponginess, if a little stickier this time. “I think it might be sleeping.”

She slithered her hands up to cup her mouth. “I’ll always want you much too much more!” she called down to it.

Kylo clapped his hands over his hungover ears with a groan. “Maybe remind it not to get too excited too quickly next time.” He took her hands softly but firmly away from her mouth. “But you can do that quietly. Nothing could have slept through that.”

So Rey did. In a considerate whisper. Although she couldn’t help but think Kylo wouldn’t find that so funny if he knew Lightsaber Number One had fulfilled Lando’s dark prophecy.

And then Rey remembered she would probably have to see Lando very soon. And Leia. And leave for the Jedi temple. She didn’t want to.

Rey wanted to stay here, snuggled up in bed with Kylo all day. Even if the next time Lightsaber Number One ignited, it really might breach that last barrier between them.

But Kylo deserved that, she thought, batting down those residual fears that belied her recent daring ripostes.

She did want him, she did, and she should keep her promise. She _would_ keep her promise.

Rey hugged Kylo tighter, silently mouthing those words she so wanted to say into his shoulder. Branding them secretly into his beautiful warm skin.

In the end, it took a visit from Finn to rouse them out of their bunk. Or at least rouse Rey. Kylo had disappeared into the refresher to brush the teeth he had neglected the night before.

And Finn was not impressed to see Rey, tousle-headed and flush-faced, wearing nothing but shorts and a vest under a hastily donned blanket when she clanked down the boarding ramp with a yawn.

“You aren’t ready yet?” he said.

“I’m getting ready,” lied Rey, chasing after him worriedly as he brushed past her. Hoping against hope that Kylo would not see fit to call out to her from the refresher. It would not do for Finn to hear any of those very silly remarks they had been making all morning.

Kylo hadn’t been thinking about the Jedi temple at all, much more consumed with trying to come up with a suitable word for that other place he would much prefer to enter. None of the existing words were good enough apparently. He had toyed with locus, a name for a powerful vergence of the Force. A place one would enter and emerge from enlightened.

But then he had remembered that he had destroyed one of those on Dagobah and changed his mind abruptly. 

Rey had stared at him at that, that revelation hitting home much too profoundly. Reflecting all too accurately her own private worries about what possible destruction Lightsaber Number One could wreak. But Kylo’s remorseful grimace had somehow made those fears dissipate a little. It was even kind of funny. And very apt.

“I like it,” she had said.

“I won’t break this one,” he had replied, cupping his hand between her thighs gently.

And Rey had squirmed happily. Although she did have to wonder if any other couple felt the need to reassure each other that they wouldn’t break the other’s means to demonstrate their affection like they did.

“Where’s Kylo?” said Finn, breaking through her thoughts. “Is he up?”

“I think so, Finn,” said Rey loudly so Kylo could hear her. “I heard the refresher door close.”

Finn’s head jerked back. “Okay, okay, no need to shout. I’m still recovering from last night. Speaking of which, Rey, why did you do that? Kiss Kylo Ren? After what I told you.”

“What?” said Rey cravenly, buying time for a brain that then stupidly refused to offer her a better answer.

“You heard me.” Finn relented slightly when he saw her uneasy expression. “But maybe you didn’t understand me. When I said to be careful with him?” He took a deep breath. “Rey, I think he likes you. Like, _likes_ you, likes you.”

“Oh,” said Rey feebly.

“And I know last night was just fun and everything, but maybe don’t encourage him like that,” persisted Finn. “It’s not fair. On him.”

“Okay,” said Rey. She hesitated. She should tell him. She really should. It didn’t feel right hiding this anymore. Not after last night. And this morning. And it wasn’t fair to ask Rose to keep her secret from Finn. She opened her mouth.

“And let’s face it, he’s not exactly the most stable of people,” said Finn, and Rey promptly shut her mouth again. Hard.

“You don’t want to, you know, get him too excited,” he continued. “It could end very badly. For both of you.”

Rey scowled.

Finn was saved from her indignant retort by the appearance of Kylo, wafting mint into the main hold, even more scantily clad than Rey in tight black very short shorts. Rey shot him an odd angry eye-rolling look he couldn’t interpret and dropped her blanket to scoop up a towel that was slung over the back of the lounge seat.

“I’m going to jump in the fresher,” she said.

Finn noticed Kylo’s unsettled eyes follow her as she stalked past him, and also how they lingered on the back of her grey sleep shorts. And definitely how they widened guiltily when he realised he had been caught looking.

Kylo lowered his brows over those guilty eyes, unpleasantly dragged away from whatever reflections the sight of Rey's barely concealed charms had aroused in him.

“What happened?” he blustered ominously.

“Nothing,” said Finn glibly. “I just told her to hurry up. You too. Unless you’re planning on going to the Jedi temple like that.”

Kylo didn’t like Finn’s tone. He folded his arms. “I might.”

Finn raised his eyebrows. “Your mother will be here in ten minutes.”

That punctured Kylo’s haughty self-assurance a little. “Wait, she’s coming with us on the Falcon?”

His eyes flitted around the room, seeing Rey’s arm wraps and his belt and towels and blankets and tumblers littering every surface. And the sleeping quarters were just as bad. How had the Falcon got so _messy?_

“Yup,” said Finn, rather enjoying Kylo’s discomfort after that lofty look. “And she won’t be alone.”

“Kriff!” muttered Kylo under his breath, rubbing his throbbing head so his hair stood on end like a ruffled black halo.

Finn took pity on him. “I can stall them if you like. Or help you tidy up a bit.” He wandered over to the heap of grubby clothes under the guest bunk and started to lean over to pick them up.

“No!” yelped Kylo, skidding in front of him, feeling the contents of his stomach take a moment to catch up with the rest of him. “I can do that. Maybe just stall them. Twenty minutes.”

“Okay,” said Finn bemusedly, not very comfortable to find himself suddenly nose to nipple with Kylo’s broad chest. He straightened up and backed away.

Kylo bundled the pile of clothes into his arms tightly, hoping he was successful in concealing any visible signs of his and Rey’s adventures.

“Right, I’ll go,” said Finn, a little perturbed by Kylo’s wild fixed stare. He turned away and then stopped, wincing in hesitation.

“Kylo,” he said, and Kylo saw him turn back with a resolute look on his face. He gripped his bundle tighter.

“Rey,” said Finn. “She’s… she’s not like other girls. Like other girls her age. She’d never even played Truth or Dare before last night.”

Neither had I, thought Kylo, who had a horrible feeling he knew where Finn was going with this.

“She’s very kind, and good,” continued Finn. “But she has had a very different sort of life to other girls her age. She might not know the sort of effect she could have on other people. On... on _men_.”

“Okay,” said Kylo slowly. “Why, what did she say?”

“Nothing,” said Finn, his sympathy roused by Kylo’s clenched white knuckles and wary eyes. “But I can tell. I’ve been where you are. I know what that thing she did last night must have meant to you.”

Which thing? thought Kylo, with a certain grim smugness. But his grip relaxed a little. He subdued an instinctive urge to snap at Finn for his interference, seeing apprehension behind the resolve in Finn’s eyes. He was only trying to protect Rey. And Kylo could understand that more than anyone.

“I know what you’re trying to say,” he said stiffly. “But you don’t understand. You don’t know me like you think you do. I'd never hurt Rey. What you said on the Steadfast, about me. It’s not true. I’m not… I’m not _depraved._ Like that.”

Finn nodded, tight-lipped, seeing the Supreme Leader’s ample chest suffusing with a pink that rose up his neck to heat his cheeks.

“I know,” he said. “That’s why I’m saying this. I’m not just thinking about Rey.”

And Kylo didn’t know how to answer that. Although he was startled to feel unexpectedly warmed by the gruff compassionate sort of smile Finn gave him before he left.

Leaving Kylo to burst into action, floundering around with thundering feet and a thundering head. Gathering up all of the debris scattered about the main hold and shoving it into the smuggling compartments his father had built into the floors of the Falcon's corridors. Surprising Rey on her emergence from the refresher by sidling past her without anything more than a quick snatched kiss.

But Kylo had no time for anything more. He only had a couple of minutes to wash away as many of the adverse effects of his hangover as he could before the arrival of their guests.

Before he and Rey would find out just what lay waiting for them at the Jedi Temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reference to Kylo destroying the cave, or Force locus on Dagobah comes from the comic, Age of Resistance – Supreme Leader Snoke 1, by Tom Taylor. A young Kylo destroyed it to conceal from Snoke that he couldn’t bring himself to kill his parents when the cave showed them to him in a vision.
> 
> Thanks so much for the comments I've been getting about liking the growing intimacy between Rey and Kylo. I'd probably have never indulged myself in writing this fluffy little interlude otherwise! And I do think it's important that they feel more relaxed about their bodies around each other. But sorry to anyone disappointed by this diversion from the plot, I plan to get the next chapter edited and up as soon as possible! Jedi temple on the way!
> 
> And thanks as always and ever for the support! Kudos and comments are always very deeply appreciated!! 💖💖
> 
> I don't have time to do illustrations this week, but please accept a cute little photo manip of Rey and Kylo on the Falcon on my Twitter page - https://twitter.com/2BrightStars1


	35. The Jedi Temple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some familiar faces return as the dyad is confronted with visions from the past and possible futures. But a subsequent revelation doesn’t come as much of a surprise to the majority of their family and friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Some upsetting glimpses of possible dark futures for Rey and Kylo appear in this chapter, including descriptions of grief and loss. Beware if you are still (justifiably) triggered by the events in THAT movie like I am. 
> 
> Also, I can’t believe this story has now received over 200 Kudos and over 100 subscriptions! I am truly humbled and thrilled at the same time! I’m so glad now that I did screw up the courage to start posting this comfort blanket for my own rage and misery! So I hope this chapter is suitably rewarding, there’s something particularly nice that happens in here amongst all the angst, and it’s totally dedicated to you lovely people! I love you! 💖

Rey was surprised and slightly dismayed by how many of her friends had managed to clamber out of their bunks at such an early hour to accompany them to the Jedi temple.

Maz, Chewie and Leia maybe not so much. Or Leia’s loyal allies Commander Larma D’Acy and Lando. But despite her apprehension, Rey was a little touched to be joined not only by Finn, but also by Rose, Poe and Kaydel, who were obviously suffering almost as badly as Kylo from their excesses of the night before. The trio of faithful droids, Artoo Detoo, Ce Threepio and BB8 made up the rest of the party, conspicuously more chipper and alert than everyone else.

It was a quiet journey to the temple on the Falcon, none of them feeling in a particularly loquacious mood. Most of the company stayed in the now scrupulously tidy environs of the main hold for the duration of this short journey. Only Poe and Kaydel joined Rey and Kylo in the cockpit, but even the sight of a porg fluttering down to seat himself importantly on Kylo’s knee failed to raise more than a startled snigger from them.

A nervous Rey was glad of it. As was Kylo, engaged in his own private hellish battle against a well of Soulean brandy that lurked in his gorge, apt to be roused ominously by any abrupt movement. Rey was more concerned with how she would eventually field her friends’ inevitable queries about her inappropriately lingering kiss with the Supreme Leader during that ridiculous game the night before.

Particularly Kaydel, who had witnessed something a lot more incriminating than that kiss. And whose own copious imbibement of alcohol unfortunately hadn’t seemed to render her forgetful. She hadn’t said anything, but Rey couldn’t help but notice her eyeing every innocuous interaction between herself and Kylo with knowing if bleary interest.

And it was so _hard_ to keep those interactions innocuous. So hard now that Rey had come to feel so familiar and so at ease with all aspects of Kylo Ren’s lovely big body. It was even harder not to feel resentful of those other presences in the cockpit when all she wanted to do was reach over and smooth Kylo’s hastily towel-dried locks away from his furrowed brow. And it was hard not to feel resentful of that porg, on the receiving end of all those caresses his hand should be giving her. Or move it aside so she could touch that tempting lap it sat on, run the palm of her hand up that long muscular thigh.

Or even, Rey thought with a giddy squirm, slide her fingers between those muscular thighs, if only just so she could see his eyes pop open in surprise again. Hear that hiccupping little unsteady laugh that warmed her heart so much. Rey sighed, prompting that lucky preening porg to turn a smugly contented eye on her.

It was strange to compare this short trip in the cockpit of the Falcon to that trip to Jakku, such a short time before. When there had been nobody at all, porg aside, to prevent her from touching him. When they had sat here just like this, unspeaking and tense beside each other. What a _waste_ that had been. It seemed so bizarre now to remember just how different everything had been then.

Because it wasn’t just Kylo who seemed like a different person than he had been then. _She_ had been a different person. Because that had been before Rey knew what it was like to lie beside another person, to run her fingers uninhibitedly over any part of that person she chose. Or what it was like to have that person touch her back, kiss her back. The _bliss_ of that!

That was before they had both known what it was like to laugh and make the sort of silly jokes Rey would never have been able to imagine herself making before. And even if she would have been able to imagine it, she would have probably assumed such ridiculous playfulness would make her feel stupid or scared or… exposed in a humiliating sort of way.

And now Rey couldn’t imagine anything nicer than lying in Kylo’s arms, giggling over those parts of their bodies her own mind had censored her from thinking about for much too long. There was nothing shameful about it. It was funny and sweet and exciting, and she couldn’t wait for more.

“Right there,” said Maz from the doorway, jolting Rey out of her reverie.

And now she had to snap to attention, reaching forward at the same time as Kylo’s long arm stretched over to engage the landing gear. His hand brushed over hers, just for the smallest moment, but it was enough to send a little thrill through Rey, shooting her eyes up to look into his. To see his lips tuck in, hiding a smile she hadn’t the sense to conceal on her own. But his eyes were smiling, and those dimples were wavering delectably in and out of his cheeks. And how could Rey not smile at that sight?

“There!” said Maz in quick consternation. “Kylo! Right there!”

Kylo’s knee jumped, sending the porg flapping heavily upwards, squawking indignantly.

“Oh!” said Kylo, hurriedly tearing his gaze away from Rey’s entrancing smile to concentrate on the less entrancing landscape flashing past outside the viewport.

“No, it’s too late, we won’t make it,” sighed Maz. “You’ll have to make another pass. And this time, slow down and keep your eyes ahead. We’d all like to arrive in one piece if possible.”

Rey shot a glance over to see Kylo’s lips clamp together tighter and his cheeks redden as Maz shook her head resignedly.

“If there’s ever a next time I’m travelling with you two, remind me not to let my staff serve you alcohol the night before,” she said. “You’re going to need your wits about you when we get to the temple. If you ever manage to get us there. Get your heads out of whatever you got up to last night.”

That provoked a chuckle from Kaydel, and Rey and Kylo took great care not to look at each other any more after that. Focusing all of their attention on making sure their subsequent descent and landing were accomplished successfully and without any further incident.

The temple was not situated as far from Maz’s Castle as Rey had expected. From what she had seen through the viewport of the Falcon, it appeared to be located on a small island, separate from the land mass they had passed over. The landscape wilder than that close to the castle and overgrown with high ancient trees and dense tangled undergrowth. The Falcon had to be left behind some time ago, on the silty shores closest to where the temple was located.

And now the company had finally arrived, after a long and arduous uphill trek along the barely distinguishable remains of a path the dyad had cleared with their lightsabers. Rey was glad of the hood on her white tunic, which had protected her from frequent assaults of whipping briars and the hot sun scorching through the trees. She was also glad her uneasiness over Kylo’s slippery descent into reckless inebriation the night before had made her too nervous to indulge in alcohol as freely as everyone else had.

Judging by the groans and mutterings from behind her along the way, and now by their sweaty dishevelled appearances, the hike had been a lot more gruelling for the rest of her friends. But it was Chewbacca who was probably the most relieved to reach their destination, having been constantly called upon to disentangle various twittering droids from low-lying creepers, or in some cases to pick them up bodily and carry them over the more treacherous terrain.

Rey looked up at the crumbling structure ahead of her. It was difficult to discern exactly what it must have looked like in the past, so choked as it was with creeping plants and spiky brambles.

It was an imposingly large structure, round and semi-spherical in shape, and constructed from some sort of sandy coloured stone, different to the grey stone of the other buildings she had caught glimpses of along the way. Massive pillars supported the wide overhanging lip of the partially collapsed domed roof on either side of an arched portal. That portal engraved with symbols and inscriptions similar to the ones Rey had seen in Luke’s Jedi texts.

This was the second Jedi Temple she had visited, and Rey was once more struck by the sheer enormity of the legacy she and Kylo shouldered. By the strange sense of thinness, as if she had stepped into a world that could at any moment flicker into another. Here in this tranquil abandoned place where countless Jedi had trained and meditated for centuries, her doubts rose again to the surface.

How could she ever fully comprehend what all of this meant? How could all the mouldering scripts in the galaxy and the raw talent Luke had assured her she possessed make up for the lack of formal training she had received?

Rey was glad of Kylo beside her. Even with his pallid face, fuggy head and roiling stomach, his big body so close to hers reassured her a little. No matter what happened here, at least he would be with her.

Rey might have been less reassured if she had been aware of Kylo’s present state of mind. Because it was only now that he was really letting himself think about what lay ahead of them. And now that he was thinking about it, his already disturbed stomach was threatening to betray him.

It had been easy to ignore this anxiety he should have been feeling all morning. Little inklings of it had attempted to emerge, but those had been happily scattered by Rey’s tender and exciting administrations in the captain’s bunk almost immediately. And then obliterated completely by their ensuing nonsensical conversation which he had replayed over and over in his mind on their flight to the island.

Less pleasant had been the almost equally pressing distractions of that clenching tightness around his temples and the galactic battle currently being contested within the confines of his queasy stomach. Exacerbated by his frantic spurt of tidying and infinitely worsened by the interminable slog up to the temple. Kylo was sure he could even feel his ears sweating.

But now that he was here, about to enter that place his grandfather had told them of, he was unable to put off any very real concerns about what they might find lurking within these ancient walls. Anakin Skywalker had said that they would receive help here, but what form that help would take was what troubled Kylo. His creaking brain was not looking forward to the prospect of deciphering cryptic Jedi clues or to being confronted by nebulous mystical visions it would struggle to make sense of.

“It’s time,” said Leia, and Kylo and Rey fought an instinct to reach for the other’s hand as they entered under the cavernous portal. Whatever they were to face here, they weren’t ready.

It was brighter within than Rey had expected, the large circular opening in the domed roof allowing great shards of sunlight to light up the interior. The dome was supported by a ring of white-blossomed ivy-clad columns in the middle of the vast space, slimmer and more graceful than the heavy ones outside. Her eyes swept down from the dilapidated aperture in the roof to see the mosaic it illuminated in the centre of the stone-flagged floor.

It was almost exactly similar to the one she had seen in the ancient temple on Ahch-To. The cross-legged image of a being bisected into two equal parts of light and dark, with darkness behind the light side and light behind the dark.

Again, there were moon-shaped circles over the shoulders of the figure, light on dark and dark on light. The only real differences she could discern were in the scale of the design and in the materials used to construct it. This mosaic was much larger, made from some sort of glassy enamel tiles instead of the smooth rounded pebbles that had been used on the island. The colours sparkled and glittered, almost transparent in the rays of sunlight.

On Ahch-To, Rey had sort of assumed this symbol represented the Force itself, the balance between Dark and Light. And now as she stood side-by-side with Kylo, she was reminded of their dyad, two halves of a whole. Her Light to Kylo Ren’s Dark.

But it wasn’t as simple as that anymore. Rey now knew all too well the Darkness that resided in her, as well as the Light she knew lived in Kylo Ren. A Light that was finally breaking free after so many years. No one was fully one or the other.

“I’ve seen this before,” she said. “On Ahch-To.”

“Interesting.” Kylo moved forward to examine the mosaic closer. He dropped down on one knee, to run his fingers over the line down the middle of the figure.

“Did it have something like this?” he asked quietly.

Rey leaned over to see it was indented, a deep smooth trench.

But there was no time to answer him, or for any further examination.

Even before she heard the intakes of breath behind her, Rey could feel it. Just as Kylo could, bringing him staggering up to stand closer to Rey.

A presence.

_Presences_.

A gathering in the Force. A momentum building, growing, expanding all around them.

“Is anyone else seeing this?” said Poe faintly, as one by one, figures began to materialise, emerging out of an ephemeral blue mist.

There were five.

Two Rey recognised immediately – Anakin Skywalker and his son Luke. But they were accompanied by two other bearded men she didn’t know. One, tall with aquiline features and long hair, the front of which was secured behind his head in a braid. The other, shorter, older, with a kind wise face. And the last of the figures was tiny, with wrinkled sap green skin and wide pointed ears.

“Hello? Anybody?” said Poe, his voice becoming a little high-pitched.

“Yeah, we can see it alright, Poe,” muttered Finn tensely.

“Luke!” whispered Leia, clutching Kylo’s arm at the same time as Ce Threepio uttered a surprised “Master Luke!”

_“Leia,”_ said Luke gently.

He let his gaze rest on his sister wistfully for a moment before it ran over the assembled group, smiling as he saw Lando and Chewbacca staring at him in amazement. And then chuckled as Artoo Detoo scooted forward bleeping excitedly to coo under the glowing fingers Luke lay on his domed head.

Anakin was looking past him with a surprised frown at the golden droid who had been standing behind Artoo.

_“Threepio?”_ he said.

“Master Anakin?” replied Threepio, jerking back. “It _is_ you! How astonishing! I _do_ remember you! Goodness me! I must tell you that I have very recently had to undergo a very serious procedure at the hands of a dreadful little droidsmith on Kijimi. It wiped out all of my memory banks, but when my good friend Artoo reinstalled them, I discovered the restraints Babu Frik disabled had given me access to other memories that had been previously all but erased. Oh Master Anakin, I have been besieged by all sorts of visions I could not make sense of. But it really _is_ you! I can’t believe it! How extraordinary!”

He bustled forward, still chattering, but Anakin stalled him with a laugh and a raised hand.

_“Okay, okay! It’s good to see you too, Threepio, but we can talk about all of that later.”_ His eyes had turned to Leia, standing very still, her hand still clenched on Kylo’s arm. _“There’s a lot we have to talk about later.”_

Leia met his gaze, a surprised frown on her brow. It lifted when she saw Luke’s eyes settle on Kylo’s face, before flicking back to hers with a smile.

_“I told you no one’s ever really gone.”_

“You did,” she smiled warmly.

_“I didn’t really have to though, did I? I could always tell what was on your mind. I knew you still believed in him. You were always right about your boy.”_ Luke turned to the shorter of the two bearded men. _“Your namesake, Master Kenobi. My nephew, Ben.”_

_“You did your best not to follow in my footsteps, eh, Ben?”_ said Obi-Wan Kenobi ruefully.

The hollow under Kylo’s eye twitched but he said nothing, guiltily conscious of the resentment he had long harboured for his parents’ choice of name. As if being a descendent of the Skywalkers wasn’t onerous enough, had thought young Ben Solo bitterly, he also had to be named after yet another celebrated Jedi. Only slightly mollified when he had learned he could have just as easily been saddled with Obi-Wan.

Anakin tactfully used the uncomfortable silence to introduce the taller man as Qui-Gon Jinn, his mentor before Obi-Wan, and the smallest of the Jedi as Yoda, Luke Skywalker’s second legendary master.

_“That’s_ Yoda?” whispered Lando, a little too loudly in Leia’s ear.

He wasn’t the only one surprised. Poe had to nudge Kaydel to stop her staring at the little green creature with her mouth agape.

“But what _is_ it?” she whispered and was nudged again, more forcefully than before.

Yoda, unperturbed by all of this interest in his appearance, looked up at Rey and Kylo with wise hooded eyes.

_“Brought you here, we have, for a very special purpose,”_ he said in a croaky little voice with a peculiar sing-song cadence. _“The chosen ones, you have become. End the eternal conflict between Light and Dark, you must.”_

“Okay,” said Rey cautiously, when it seemed like Kylo was never going to speak.

Qui-Gon Jinn uncrossed his arms, moving his hands out from where they had rested in the wide sleeves of his robe. He gestured to the mosaic on the ground.

_“It is time. Move forward to stand on the symbol_.”

The others shuffled back behind the circle of pillars as Rey and Kylo took their places side by side, Rey instinctively settling on the Light and Kylo on the Dark.

_“No,”_ Qui-Gon shook his head with a smile. _“Place one foot on either side and face each other.”_

There was another little shuffle, and a rechoreographed Rey and Kylo exchanged a flitting nervous glance before shifting their focus to the glowing figures beside them.

_“We have watched you from afar,”_ said Obi-Wan Kenobi. _“We have seen your powers grow to surpass all that have come before. We have seen your struggles, your trials, your triumphs.”_

Rey winced under his keen gaze before setting her features as implacably as possible. Because for one dreadful moment, her brain had scuttled back to what she had done to Kylo the night before. And was presented with a terrible vision of her amateur efforts being critically appraised by this group of estimable Jedi. A horrified giggle threatened to bubble up in her throat and she dared not look at Kylo. Concentrating instead on keeping her eyes fixed on Obi-Wan while flinging that thought from her brain as urgently as she could.

_“Take each other’s hands,”_ said Anakin, moving towards them.

Now Rey did look up at Kylo as their hands rose to hold each other’s gingerly. Anakin raised his own to hover over theirs.

And under their startled gazes, two glowing threads emerged from underneath their clasped hands, thin slivers humming and alive with energy. One hot as warm flame, the other a cool blue white. Anakin twisted his wrist and the threads coiled around Rey and Kylo’s joined hands.

Rey felt Kylo’s hands jolt in hers as they made contact with their skin. Or maybe it was hers in his. And then the threads merged together to become one of warm shimmering gold.

“What is this?” whispered Rey.

_“The Force that has bound you together,”_ said Anakin. _“A manifestation of the dyad you have created.”_

_“The Force is all things,”_ chimed in Luke. _“Not Light. Or Dark. It is affected by how we choose to use it. The Sith created a rift in the Force by manipulating it, bending it to their will. A sickness that grows even still. Palpatine’s influence reaches far across the galaxy, consuming and ravaging all before it.”_

The gold band around Rey and Kylo’s hands grew brighter, so bright that their eyes were momentarily blinded by a flash of pure light. And then their squinting eyes saw something else, something that did not belong in this ancient temple.

_A lush green forest rises, before blackening and decaying until it is swept under dry arid dunes of sand._

“Jakku!” whispered Rey.

_Another world, verdant and pastoral with fields of bright bobbing flowers, igniting and bursting into flames. The scorched earth cracking and breaking as a tall dark fortress rises above burning rivulets of lava._

_A still tranquil lake, mirroring the blue sky above. A sky that roils and darkens as water drains through great fissures and chasms until there is nothing left but parched barren rock. Until the place where Rey and Kylo had swam and kissed under the sun is gone._

“No!” cried Rey as the light faded.

“What’s happening?” whispered Lando, Rey’s cry sending a prickle of dread up his spine.

Leia shook her head. “I don’t know. I can’t see it.”

_“And now you see why this disease must be brought to an end,”_ said Luke. _“Before the imbalance it causes leads to the ultimate destruction of the galaxy.”_

“How?” said Kylo. “How can we do that?” Because suddenly, as if it had been dredged up from the darkest corner of his mind by these visions, was another vision. One that had been shown to him by another, just as powerful in the Force. His voice was lower when he spoke again. “You don’t know what I’ve seen.”

Rey knew what had leapt to his mind and gripped his hands tighter.

_“Glimpses of a future you have seen,” said Yoda. “But ever changing the future is. Welcome it. Fight it, do not. Manipulate it, you must not. Look to these futures now. Fear them, do not.”_

_Kylo lying in the dark, his hand reaching for Rey’s and finding it cold to his touch. Her eyes, dull and lifeless, gazing back into his._

Rey gasped, clutching at Kylo’s trembling hands. Feeling every broken shard of despair piercing that shadowy figure’s chest as if it were hers.

_“Instruments of the Force are you both,”_ said Yoda as this vision shimmered away. _“A great honour this is, but a great burden it is also. If a price must be paid, willingly must you pay it.”_

_And now Rey is cradling Kylo’s head until he fades away to leave her alone. Her sob of disbelief as she buries her face in his clothing growing into a wail of anguish. The hollow echoes of her grief resounding in the vast emptiness._

Kylo’s hands tightened around Rey’s, and then she was staring into his eyes. His beautiful dark eyes, alive and wet with tears. Rey clutched his strong warm fingers, a great wrenching sob tearing from her throat.

_I don’t want to pay a price,_ she thought desperately, her own tears sliding unheeded down her cheeks. _Let me keep him. Please, please let me keep him._

_And now she is looking out over a lake as streaks of orange illuminate an evening sky. Solid sun-warmed stone firm at her back and the scent of flowers in the breeze. The tinkling of laughter in the distance mingling with the sweetness of birdsong overhead._

_And Ben Solo by her side, his black hair streaked with touches of white at the temples, the dimples she loves etched deeper into his lean cheeks by the passage of time. By a lifetime of happiness._

“Ben!” she breathed as the image faded.

“I’m here,” whispered Kylo, his thumbs running over the back of her hands, as much to soothe himself as Rey. Everything in him aching to pull her closer and hold her to him. Hope flooding him as he looked down into that dear little face, as yet untouched by lines and years.

He wanted to see those fine little lines appear on her face. He wanted to kiss every single one of them.

_Please let me have this,_ he thought. _Please, please let me have this._

_“Whatever future you have seen can be rewritten in many different ways if you trust the way of the Force instead of fighting against it,”_ said Anakin. _“The Darkness will attempt to lure you with easy solutions to hidden fears. With false promises. Do not succumb to the temptation to alter what you cannot know yet.”_

_“Trust your instincts,”_ said Qui-Gon Jinn. _“You will know what is right when the time comes.”_

But Rey was too overwhelmed. Much too overcome by those sparse conflicting glimpses of a life that could be. She wanted to run. She wanted to pull Kylo’s hands and drag him away. Race down the hill to the Falcon and disappear. And be safe. Keep him safe.

“It’s too much,” she blurted out, her face crumpling. “I can’t do it. _I can’t.”_ Her eyes fixed on Kylo’s desperately. “I can’t. I’m _afraid.”_

“I am too,” said Kylo quietly, his fingers closing more gently on little fingers that had become clammy in his.

He _was_ afraid. But he was also unbelievably electrified by an excitement he couldn’t suppress. Because he had seen a future he had never been able to imagine before. And Kylo _wanted_ it. He wanted it more than anything he had ever wanted in his entire unhappy life.

“We can do this,” he said huskily, his mouth lifting in a wavering smile. “We both can. Together.”

And Rey stared back into Kylo’s dark eyes, glittering and bright, and felt warmed by them. Warmed enough for her own lips to twitch until they attempted to smile too, a teary anxious little effort, but it was a smile. Growing stronger as she gazed up at him, as she felt the glow of the Force soothe her hands in his.

_“It is human to feel fear,”_ said Qui-Gon. _“But you cannot let it consume you.”_

_“Have compassion for yourself. Forgive yourself for your fear. For your weaknesses and mistakes. Learn from them. Grow from them.”_ Luke smiled gently at them both. _“I spent too long mourning my mistakes. Do not go down that same path.”_

_“This darkness exists inside us all,”_ said Obi-Wan. _“You must look past these flaws. Understand them, move beyond them.”_

_“Your powers are vast, but they are nothing without trust,”_ said Anakin. _“The future of the galaxy depends not on one of you alone. It needs you both. To work together you must also feel true compassion for the other. Accept each other. Completely. Be as one mind. As one body. One spirit.”_

Poe’s eyes narrowed. “Is this reminding anyone of anything?” he whispered out of the corner of his mouth.

Finn stared at him. “Not anything _I’ve_ ever seen.”

Kaydel looked sharply at Poe. “I was thinking the same thing.”

Now Finn looked from one to the other. “What? What thing?”

Poe tilted his head with a grimace. “I dunno… kinda a little bit like a wedding?”

“Kinda a _lot_ like a wedding,” Kaydel corrected him.

_“What?!”_ said Finn so loudly that the others shushed him and Commander D’Acy turned to give them all a reproving look.

“A wedding?” he whispered urgently when she turned away again. “I don’t think so. There’s been no mention of loving each other forever, has there? Has there? Isn’t that what people say at weddings?” He glanced between them in sudden panic when they remained silent. “Isn’t it? Or did I miss that? Did they?”

“No,” Rose placated him in an indulgent tone. “They didn’t.”

_“Compassion brought you back from the Dark Side,”_ said Anakin to Kylo. _“The compassion of your father, your mother, Chewbacca. Rey.”_ He turned his gaze to Rey. _“Just as Ben’s compassion brought you back when you were tempted.”_

And as Rey and Kylo’s eyes met shyly, Rose thought that there was no need for any mention of loving each other forever.

They were both so beautiful, unearthly even, bathed by a celestial ray of light from above, and flanked by sweet-smelling white blossoms on either side. And seeing the look in Kylo’s eyes as he looked into Rey’s, a lump ached in Rose’s throat. She had been wrong to ever doubt Ben Solo’s heart.

_“The Force turned to you, Rey, when it sought an alternative for Ben. But the dyad was created by you both. An unexpected phenomenon born out of the depth of your connection. Your understanding for each other forged it. Your compassion for each other strengthened it.”_

Kylo blinked. “ _We_ did this? Not the Force?”

_“Yes. Palpatine fears this like no other. He knows how powerful this bond can be. This is why he seeks to destroy you. He was almost destroyed by something like it before.”_ Anakin smiled at Luke. _“It was compassion that restored me and led to his downfall. Do not fear it. Believe in that compassion you share for each other, for it is the most powerful weapon you possess.”_

“Yup, this is definitely a wedding,” whispered Poe. “Apart from the Palpatine references. They’re dampening the mood a bit.”

“ _You’re_ dampening the mood a bit,” whispered Kaydel savagely. She pursed her lips contemplatively. “I can see where Ben Solo gets his looks from. That’s his grandfather, right?”

“Kaydel!” said Poe censoriously.

“Okay, so they’re not that alike,” she conceded and then nudged him. “Apart from the height. And the dangerously smouldering good looks.”

“Shut up,” he grinned.

“Shut up! Both of you!” whispered Rose. She knew Kaydel and Poe’s flippancy was merely the result of surprise and unease, but this moment was special, so special she couldn’t bear their furtive whispers to ruin a single second.

And Kylo’s mother, seeing her son’s thumbs caress the back of Rey’s hands, seeing Rey’s dig into his fiercely, was unable to quieten the surge of happiness rising in her own heart. She was grateful for Chewie’s furry paw sliding over her shoulder, for Larma D’Acy’s hand rising to clasp her own with an empathetic squeeze.

_“To show true compassion is to put another’s needs before one’s own,”_ continued Anakin. _“To make sacrifices for the other. To yield completely. Body and soul. This commitment you must promise each other. Do you wish to do this?”_

Kylo’s lips quivered, looking down into eyes that were as iridescent as the tiles beneath their feet. Flickers of green and gold and bronze. At the sweet little tendrils curling around Rey’s face under her white hood, set ablaze by the sunlight like a halo.

This beautiful girl who had opened up her arms for him. Opened up her good, fierce heart. And opened up his heart so he knew what it was to feel hope and joy.

“I do,” he whispered huskily.

“I do too!” said Rey loudly and promptly, dragging his hands closer to her.

Because of course she could promise this. She wanted nothing more than to protect this beautiful, adorable man with tears in his eyes standing before her. She would do anything, _anything_ to keep him safe.

And more than anything, Rey wanted to yield to him. She wanted this one person to know her. To finally let someone in, past every last barrier she had built up so carefully to protect herself over all of those lonely years. And she only wanted that person to be that one precious person who had already seen her soul. And had liked her for it.

“…aaand there it is,” shrugged Poe. “Seems like the Jedi word for love is compassion.”

“Shhh!” hissed Commander D’Acy, wiping away a furtive tear.

“Seriously?” whispered Finn, quieter this time in Rose’s ear. “Is he serious?”

“Oh Finn! Are _you?_ _Look_ at them!” Rose whispered back in fond exasperation, scrubbing her sleeve over her cheek to catch a sentimental droplet.

There was a long silence as Rey and Kylo gazed at each other, interrupted only by surreptitious feminine sniffs and one even more surreptitious masculine one from Lando.

“You may kiss the bride,” prompted Poe loudly and irreverently. “Again.”

There was a shocked titter at this. Kylo and Rey’s guilty starts even raised the slightest of secret smiles from the Force ghosts.

Leia watched the shining gold band around Rey and Kylo’s hands dissolve into their skin. Seeing Kylo move closer to slink an arm around Rey’s shoulders as they turned to face their Jedi predecessors.

She swallowed, gripping Chewbacca’s furry paw, overcome with a deep joy. All of those hopes that she so fearfully cherished for Rey and her son were finally coming true in this magically beautiful ceremony.

Never before had her belief in hope felt so earned. Never before had it felt so unshaken. It seemed to swell, to fill the huge space around them, to burst out through the circular opening in the domed ceiling to the sunlit sky beyond.

Rey’s arm rose under Kylo’s to slide around his waist as his mother joined them, to be reunited with the family she had lost. And now Rey and Kylo could shuffle aside as they others moved forward.

_“Leia,”_ said Anakin, and Rey looked away, feeling as if she was intruding on a private moment. She remembered Leia telling her it had taken her a long time to forgive her father and tears stung her eyes to see them together after all this time.

“Is this it?” she whispered to Kylo. “What about what Maz said? About the Netherworld of Unbeing?”

Kylo considered that for a moment. “Maybe it _was_ just a myth.” His arm tightened around her. “I don’t care. We created this. You and I. Not Snoke. Not the Force. Us. It’s ours.”

“It is,” said Rey, hugging that thought as closely to her as she wanted to hug Kylo. She hesitated, suddenly determined to say what she had been thinking for the past few days. “All of the things I have, they belong to you. Or your family. Or they should. The Falcon, the saber, Han’s pistol. Your grandmother’s dress. Even your name. Especially your name.”

“They _are_ yours,” said Kylo in surprise. “That’s what gifts are. Something for you to have to own. And the lightsaber chose you.” He leaned in to whisper. “Both of them.”

That made Rey giggle. But it didn’t make it right.

“Like my locus is yours,” she whispered, before adding more firmly. “And the Falcon is _ours.”_ Her eyes got a little shy. “I don’t have anything else of mine to give to you. Except me. You can have me.” 

Kylo saw her wrinkle her nose at him wistfully and his heart thumped in his chest. He slipped her hood back to run his fingers around the slender curve of her neck. Leaning down to kiss those soft sun-warmed lips.

And then moved back, just a little, his eyes roving over her face as he chewed at the underside of his lip.

“I’ll take you,” he said, his voice so low and deep and sincere, everything in Rey clenched and quivered.

She wanted to tell him to take her, but even Rey knew how significant that would sound, here amongst all of these people. It didn’t stop her thinking it though. As if this ceremony with the Jedi had given her tacit permission to finally push down that last frail remaining barrier that had kept her from letting him in completely. 

I want him to take me, she thought giddily. I really do. I’m ready. Really ready now. I want to know everything there is to know about him. I want to know everything there is to know about me. I’m not afraid anymore.

Well, she was, a tiny, tiny bit. But that was understandable, given her very recent, very intimate knowledge of exactly just how much Kylo had to offer her. But at least she had made friends with that particular monster, and mounting excitement was conversely calming any residual flutters of fear.

“ _I’m_ yours,” said Kylo. “I belong to you. All of me. You can have all of me.”

Rey’s face twisted, her eyes filling. “That’s all I really want. You can have everything else.”

Kylo’s heart thudded faster at the look in her eyes, but a little irrepressible laugh huffed out of him as he pulled her closer.

“That’s okay,” he said into her hair. “You keep them. I don’t think I’d look quite so good in the dress.”

That made Rey splutter into his shoulder before she looked up at him again. So happy now that she was in his arms, safe and warm. Keeping him safe and warm.

And Kylo was too. And he realised now that all vestiges of his aches and internal turmoil were gone. Soothed away by the warmth of their dyad melting into his skin, by the warmth of Rey’s body clinging to his. This moment so perfect he never wanted it to end.

But Kylo and Rey could not be blissfully oblivious to their surroundings forever. Their rapt gazes forced away from each other by a quiet descending around them as blue light bloomed on the edges of their vision. They turned to see the Force ghosts smiling at them.

_“You are ready,”_ said Obi Wan. _“You are ready for what it is you must face.”_

_“Exegol awaits,”_ said Luke. _“And surrounding it, a vergence of the Force. More concentrated in its potency than this temple is, or the ancient temple of Ahch-To. A place where the Force is at its most powerful. A nexus, or locus.”_

At that last word Rey and Kylo shot a stricken wide-eyed glance at each other.

“You have learned of these places, Ben,” said Luke, intercepting that look, but luckily for his blushing nephew, interpreting it incorrectly.

“Only recently,” mumbled Kylo. “I’ve… I’ve been doing some research.”

Rey didn’t dare look at him, but her heel skated over surreptitiously to grind down on the toe of his boot.

“Can’t you come with us?” she asked Luke, distracting him from Kylo’s squeak and scuffles to slide his toe out from under her boot. “All of you. Can’t you come with us to Exegol?”

Luke shook his head. _“That is a place we cannot enter. Darth Sidious has corrupted the vergence at its core. The Dark Side prevails there uncontested. You must bring the Light to those who reside there.”_

_"Look to your friends,”_ said Qui-Gon Jinn, gesturing to the group gathered about them. _“Look at what their courage has built. They believe in the cause you fight for. Believe in them as they believe in you.”_

_“Moved beyond what we can teach you, you have,”_ said Yoda _. “Within you lies all you need.”_

_“And you are not alone,”_ said Luke. _“Thousands of generations live in you now. But this is your fight. Don’t be afraid of who you are.”_

_“You made this,”_ said Anakin. _“The power of the dyad is what you make it. Let it flourish and grow. Do not let it break even if it bends. Even if it seems all hope is lost. It will sustain you in the darkest of times.”_

_“May the Force be with you. Always,”_ said Luke.

And as he smiled at them the blue nimbus flickered around him and before their eyes the figures shimmered away.

“Wow,” said Kaydel in quiet awe.

Rey was suddenly very conscious of her arm around Kylo. Of his arm around her. Particularly now that all eyes were turning towards them. Her fingers gripped his waist tighter, her chin rising.

“So, this…” Finn’s brow furrowed. “This dyad thing. Is not just a dyad thing?”

“No,” said Rey in a clear voice. “It isn’t.”

Finn looked up to meet a challenging look in Kylo’s eyes. “Okay,” was all he said.

Poe’s brows rose quizzically. “Not so much of a shocker after last night,” he said and then grinned at Finn’s face. “At least not for most of us.”

“And now you don’t have to try to hide it anymore,” said Rose and received a grateful smile from Rey.

“Hide it from who exactly?” sniggered Kaydel.

_“Me!”_ said Finn. He shook his head. “ _You_ knew? Of course you did. Everyone knows everything except for me.”

“I’m sorry, Finn,” said Rey guiltily. “I wanted to tell you. I really did. But you didn’t make it easy.”

“Only because I thought you didn’t feel the same way about him!” said Finn. “I knew how _he_ felt.” He shot a glance at Kylo. “I can’t believe I was feeling sorry for you. Why didn’t _you_ say something? Instead of letting me say all that?”

“Would you have wanted me to?” said Kylo. “You made it pretty clear you thought I wasn’t good enough for Rey.”

“What?!” said Rey with a gathering frown. “What about now? What do you think now?”

“Does it matter?” said Finn.

That frown dissolved as Rey gazed at her first real friend. Because it did matter.

“Yes,” she said. “It does. I want you to be happy for me. Like I’m happy for you.”

“Then I am,” said Finn. “If you are happy, I’m happy for you.”

“I am,” said Rey, squeezing Kylo tighter.

“That’s all I wanted,” said Finn. “If he makes you happy, it’s all good.”

“Really?” whispered Rey.

Finn saw her breathe out on a shaky little sigh that quivered on the verge of a wistful smile and had a sudden memory of seeing that expression before. Drawn in ink in the bottom drawer of Kylo’s desk on the Steadfast.

“No, it is. Really. You got your blessing from all those glowy old Jedi masters. They must know what they’re talking about, right?”

Rey’s smile grew. “Right.”

“Okay, then,” said Finn.

“Okay, then,” said Rey and released Kylo to give Finn a hug.

She was surprised as Kylo was when Finn let her go to take Kylo’s hand, slinging his other arm around his neck to pull him down towards him.

“You’d better not hurt her,” he whispered and felt Kylo flinch.

“I won’t.” Kylo extricated himself stiffly to glare down at him. But Finn’s grip on his hand tightened and he felt compelled to add; “I couldn’t. Ever.”

“She could probably deal with you better than me if you do anyway,” muttered Finn ruefully, letting him go.

Kylo’s lips lifted up at the sides briefly. “Definitely.”

“Definitely what?” said Rey looking from one to the other with lowered brows. “If he does what?” She thumped Finn’s shoulder. “What did you say to him?”

And then Kylo did smile as Finn laughed, rubbing his shoulder.

“It doesn’t matter,” said Kylo, tucking her under his arm again.

And maybe it didn’t. Rey felt a rush of pure unfettered happiness swell in her heart as Kylo’s arms closed around her again. As Chewie raised his head and howled his approval and surged forward to embrace them both. As she could hear Kylo laugh despite his struggles to free himself. And as she ducked her head over Chewie's furry arm to see her friends smiling back at her. Maybe those smiles were the tiniest bit wary, but they were smiles all the same.

This is right, she thought with new gleeful confidence.

It had always been right even when she doubted it most. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the Jedi temple sounds weirdly familiar, it probably is! I based it on the Jedi temple discovered by Kaz and co. in Star Wars: Resistance – The Relic Raider. Partly because I liked it, and I’m ashamed to say, mostly because I was too lazy to come up with a new design. Plus, I wanted to throw a bit of love Resistance’s way!
> 
> I can’t remember where I first heard it, but Jakku was canonically a verdant planet aeons before these events as was Mustafar (the second planet seen in the visions - just in case it wasn’t obvious). It’s all there on Wookieepedia anyway! So I liked the idea that all planets in the galaxy would suffer the same fate if the Sith were allowed to continue manipulating the Force. Well, I didn’t like it exactly, but you know what I mean! 
> 
> So sorry about the flashes from TROS, they may or may not have some resonance later on. Just not in exactly the same way and definitely not with the same results, don’t worry! 
> 
> I liked the idea that the dyad would receive some sort of Force blessing that could be equated with a wedding, which is my humble gift from me to you! And I really wanted Kylo in particular to get a positive acknowledgement of the significance of his role in balancing the Force from the Jedi that have gone before, after they completely and bizarrely blanked him in THAT movie. 
> 
> And finally, the secret Rey and Kylo tried to keep (not very successfully) is out at last! Expect more big changes in the next chapter as Kylo finally comes to terms with everything that has happened so far. Permission to get excited - it’s a BIG one!
> 
> Also Jedi blessings cure hangovers, so there’s that!


	36. Something Blue...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of the revelations at the Jedi temple Leia has a breakthrough with her son, while Rey is increasingly flustered and frustrated by events. Kylo receives an unexpected gift and makes a momentous decision that changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy belated Valentine's Day! Please accept this chapter that is literally overflowing with love! And a very special person I've been dying to introduce! I sincerely hope you like him as much as I do!
> 
> Also in honour of that day celebrating love, there's a new illustration of the Force wedding in Chapter 35, The Jedi Temple. It's at the end, so it won't disrupt the flow of the chapter.

Rey’s newly strengthened resolve to grind down the last remaining fallen pieces of that barrier between herself and Kylo to imperceptible infinitesimal dust seemed destined to be hindered at every turn.

First, there was the interminable journey back to the castle to be contended with. Then the annoyingly kind interference of her friends, sweeping them into the dining hall to partake of a celebratory meal. Rey and Kylo endured this with as much feigned pleasure as they could muster, reduced to darting fraught hungry looks across the table at each other when nobody else was looking.

And then, as Rey was endeavouring to recover from receiving a particularly smouldering glance from Kylo, she was startled out of her murky daydreams by Leia, inviting Kylo to the Tantive IV when he was finished. Baulked yet again, Kylo’s eyes flashed to Rey’s, but she manfully ignored the entreaty in them.

Their trip to the Jedi temple had been revelatory to more than just herself and Kylo. If Leia needed to talk alone to her son, she couldn’t stand in the way. 

As scratchy with thwarted tortured desire as he was, Kylo did have some interest in visiting this beloved ship of his mother’s. It was strange to be aboard this old Alderaan cruiser, knowing the famous adventures it had taken her on. Strange to think of his mother as a young woman walking through these same corridors before he had even existed.

He looked around him, realising that his efforts to create something similar with his quarters on the Steadfast were not quite as successful. Although his chambers were as white and sleek as the interiors of the blockade runner, they lacked the fluidity of design, the softness of its curved lines. And definitely the homely cosiness of his mother’s private quarters.

“You didn’t speak to your uncle today,” said Leia, breaking through his reverie as they sat on the curved lounge seat beside each other.

“I didn’t have time,” said Kylo. And he definitely didn’t have time for this. He did not want to spend this time he could be spending with Rey talking about his uncle.

“But you heard what he said,” said Leia carefully. “That he spent too long regretting what he did. And about forgiving yourself?”

“I heard,” said Kylo, unable to prevent a bitter tone entering his voice. “I’m glad he can forgive himself for trying to kill me.”

“What?” Leia’s brows drew together. “Kill you? What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean!” said Kylo in disbelief. “You told me you knew.”

“He never intended to kill you on Crait,” faltered Leia.

“Not on Crait. At the academy,” said Kylo.

Leia stared at him. “I don’t understand. At the academy? He tried to kill you when you fought?”

“It wasn’t a _fight_ at the training academy,” said Kylo. “I was asleep. I woke up and he was standing over me with his saber.”

Leia sat up straighter. “What?!”

“I thought you knew,” he said, with a surprised surge of something that felt like relief.

“No, I didn’t. I thought I did.” All of the happiness Leia had felt at the temple seemed to suddenly drain from her heart as she stared at her son. She got up to walk over to a side console aimlessly and stopped. “I can’t believe it. I thought it was some sort of argument that got out of control.”

“You thought it was me,” said Kylo. “You thought it was my fault.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Leia turned quickly. “And I do believe you. But this… this is a shock. It’s such a shock. How could he? How could he have done that? To _you?_ He loved you, Ben.”

Kylo watched her, his own anger dissolving a little on seeing hers rise.

“Rey told me he wouldn’t have done it. That’s what he told her.”

But Leia was too shocked to take this in. The thought of her own brother, attacking her son in the night was just too horrifying to assimilate properly. Luke, who had always been so gentle. Particularly with Ben. And she had been so happy to see him on Crait. She had been so happy to see him _today._ Tears jumped into her eyes, her knees shaking.

And Kylo’s anger faded almost completely, seeing those tears. Knowing what he had just taken away from her. He knew, better than anyone else, how that felt.

“He did apologise, on Crait,” he said, and all he could think of was how his mother had forgiven him for what he had done. Something so much worse which could never be undone. He spoke again with more difficulty. “What he did there. He died because of what he did. He could have fought me, but he didn’t.”

Leia stared at him numbly, remembering Luke’s kiss on her forehead. His apology to her, that she was only really understanding now. All much, much too late. But she was also remembering how he had told her nobody was ever really gone. And now her son was sitting before her, unbelievably sounding as if he was defending Luke’s actions.

“I’m so sorry, Ben,” she whispered.

He shook his head uncomfortably. “I couldn’t hear him then. I was angry. And seeing him again -”

“You were _afraid,”_ interrupted Leia, anger rising again. “I felt it. I didn’t understand it then.”

Kylo was about to deny it, but then realised the truth of what she had said. He had been afraid, even if he was just admitting that to himself now.

“I didn’t want to hear what he had to say,” he said instead. “After everything that happened. Snoke. Rey. And you. I thought you were dead. After the Raddus. I couldn’t feel you in the Force.”

“But…” Leia’s heart jolted, seeing that look in her son’s eyes. Seeing the truth she had been so afraid to find. And this time it was relief that caused her knees to shake. “It _wasn’t_ you! You _didn’t_ do it!”

“No,” said Kylo quietly. “I couldn’t.”

“I knew it!” cried Leia. “I _knew_ it! I tried to tell myself you did. Because of everything that happened after. So I could bring myself to fight back. I tried to quench that hope. I’m so sorry, I think I was trying to protect myself.”

Kylo didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t blame her for that. Not after what he had done to his father. And it sounded too much like how he had felt. For so long. Until now.

“But when I saw Rey, saw her face when she returned,” said Leia. “I knew something had happened. I knew you weren’t really gone. When did you realise I was alive?”

“I heard reports after Crait,” said Kylo. “About the signal. Your own personal code. I should have felt you in the Force. In the mine. I couldn’t. I couldn’t feel anything. Everything was different after Snoke. It was… it was deafening.”

Leia couldn’t bear that. All of it was so terrible. So terrible to know finally what had happened to tear her family apart. So many half-truths and misunderstandings and bitterness and mistakes. How could she have let this happen? After everything she had been through, torn away from Luke, her own family, her mother.

“This was the first place I saw my father,” she said. “I didn’t know it then. Neither did he.”

Kylo bit his lip. “Darth Vader,” he said, and she nodded.

“I thought I’d forgiven him,” she said. “It was only when I saw him today, I realised I hadn’t. I think I couldn’t quite let go of the resentment I had that he was somehow responsible for my mother’s death.”

“And now?” said Kylo.

“I can let it go,” said Leia. “He wasn’t the monster I had built him up to be. He was kind. And sad, like my mother. A victim of the Dark Side, just like you were. I can’t hate him for it anymore.”

Kylo looked away. The question that had haunted him for so long hovered on his tongue, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask it.

“I should have told you,” she said sadly. “All of it.”

And now he could. “Why? Why didn’t you?”

She shook her head. “Fear. I could feel the Darkness pulling at you, even before you were born. I was afraid.”

“But I knew that,” said Kylo, louder than he intended, and saw a quiver run through her. But now that he had started, he couldn’t stop. “I always knew you were afraid of me. I felt it. And I heard you talking to Dad. Before you sent me away. I heard what you said.”

“Ben! No!” gasped Leia, “I was afraid _for_ you.”

“That’s a lie,” snarled Kylo.

He saw her face contort but he didn’t make any move to console her. Why would he? She was lying. And Kylo knew that hugs couldn’t melt pain away. He didn’t _want_ to hug her. He couldn’t comfort her. He was the one who had hurt her.

He was the monster that had killed his father. He was the monster that had frightened his mother, even as a child. And now he was hurting her all over again, but that old familiar pain was building up inside him, lashing around, desperate to get out.

“I _was_ afraid,” whispered Leia. “I had seen what the Dark Side could turn people into. What my own father had become. And I loved you so much I couldn’t bear the thought of that happening to you.”

She took a tentative step towards him and Kylo pulled back. Leia’s heart stuttered at the look in his eyes. She had wanted so much for him to open up, but the sight of her son cringing away from her like a wounded animal was too much to bear. She ached to hold him, to absorb that fear and anger and take it from him.

“I am sorry, Ben,” she said. “More sorry than you can ever know. I made a terrible, terrible mistake I will regret for the rest of my life. I should never have let you go. I should have let you know you could always come back to me.”

Kylo’s anger surged viciously for a moment, but as he looked at his mother, so tiny and tearful and vulnerable, he felt it falter and crumble. Suddenly remembering that last glimpse he had seen of her before his uncle’s boarding ramp had closed all that time ago. When she had looked just like this. When he had choked back his own tears and turned his back on her.

She had forgiven him for something that was unforgiveable. And not for the first time Kylo wondered what his life would have been like if he had gone home, instead of turning to Snoke after the temple burned. He wasn’t angry any more. But sadness for that bewildered unhappy boy he had once been still twisted inside him.

“I didn’t want to go,” he said stiffly.

“I know you didn’t, baby,” she whispered sorrowfully.

Kylo’s face contorted as Leia fought back tears, staring helplessly at him.

“Mom,” whispered Kylo, and then Leia could cry as her son walked straight into her arms.

Rey had left Maz’s cantina soon after Kylo’s departure with his mother. And then she wished she hadn’t. Being alone was only making her more jittery than excited about what lay ahead. She should have stayed with Finn and Rose and the rest of the company. Maybe she could have even asked Rose for more specific advice. Because ever since she had come back, she had not known how to occupy her time, fluttering all over the Falcon like the concerned porgs who accompanied her, unsettled by her activity.

She had no idea how long Kylo would stay with his mother. Or whether she would have enough time to jump in the fresher. Thrashing through the jungle to and from the temple had been sweaty work and she was all too aware that Kylo had a stricter bathing regimen than she did. But then he would see that she had changed into different clothes when he came back.

Would that look like she was dressing up for him? Would Kylo _like_ her to dress up for him?

Or should she be wearing clothes at all? Should she be tucked up in their bunk with nothing but a blanket to cover her, awaiting his arrival?

From her limited perusal of Kaydel’s romantic holobooks, Rey had gained the impression that men enjoyed undressing their ladies. But Kylo had never attempted to undress Rey. She stood in front of the mirror in the refresher, eyeing her ensemble critically.

Maybe there was a reason for that.

She did wear a lot of layers. Her boots and belt. Her arm wraps and lightsaber. Her wrap and tunic. Her vest and trousers. And all of that was before he would even reach the final frontier of her underwear. Rey concluded that she wore a lot more than those holobook ladies, whose clothing always seemed to melt away as if by magic. She had a sinking feeling that by the time Kylo unwrapped her, it would be his ardour that would have melted away.

Rey sniffed under her armpit experimentally. She didn’t _stink_. She dithered, jumping in alarm as a porg shot past the doorway, burbling. Maybe a fresher wasn’t a bad idea. It would at least occupy her for a little while longer.

But by the time a thoroughly scrubbed Rey had emerged from the fresher, Kylo still had not returned. And so began a frenzy of finding loose clothes that could be shed with the minimum of difficulty.

It had fallen silent in the stateroom suite of the Tantive IV. Unaware of all the frantic preparations underway on the Millennium Falcon, Kylo sat on the curved lounge seat in his mother’s chambers, shaky and drained from his emotional outburst on top of all of the accumulated revelations of the day.

All of which appeared to have had the opposite effect on his mother. She had been flitting about after their extended embrace, fetching him a hot sweet mug of caf, some sweet treats that apparently were his favourite as a child. And now she was rummaging in the back of her long wardrobe fitted into the side of the corridor.

Kylo ate one of those sweets. He did remember them. But they tasted very sweet now, sweeter than he remembered. Maybe Rey would like them, he thought, resolving to take some back for her.

He was surprised to be roused from his thoughts by Leia pressing a folded garment into his hands.

“I got this for you after…” His mother paused for a moment, dropping her eyes. “While you were away,” she concluded simply.

Kylo unfolded it carefully. It was soft and pale sky blue (of course) with a deep, wide, cowl necked hood. An asymmetric panel at the front was fastened at one shoulder and the side of the waist with supple brown leather straps and metal buckles. Not exactly anything Kylo would ever have chosen for himself. But the thought of his mother continuing to hopefully purchase clothing for her treacherous son, even after what she believed he had done, overrode any aversion he might ordinarily have for such an item.

“It’s probably too small,” said Leia uncertainly when he said nothing. “I didn’t think you’d get so big.”

“I’m sure it’s fine,” said Kylo gruffly. “It’s very nice.”

That was met by a warm smile from his mother and Kylo had to look down to hide more sudden tears leaping into his eyes. He sought around for a change of subject.

“My grandmother. You said she was sad,” he said. “I thought you had never met her.”

“Not exactly. But I have seen her. Before you were born,” said Leia. “It happened more often when I was younger, before I realised that seeing a parent you had never known wasn’t something that happened to anyone else. And then when I did, I couldn’t explain it, so I didn’t. I did tell Luke. And your father, eventually.”

“The Force?” said Kylo curiously. “Was she Force sensitive?”

“Not that I know of,” said Leia. “It wasn’t like today. Just glimpses. She didn’t speak, but she always looked so unhappy. But when I found out the reason for her sadness, she never appeared to me again. I don’t know why. I missed her. I think that added to my hatred of my father. It felt like he had taken her away from me all over again.”

Kylo stared at her, building up the courage to ask her the question that had leapt into his mind. A question that brought back the memory of Rey, cold and still in the darkness. That vision both sides of the Force had shown him. And that thing Palpatine had told him that refused to go away.

“Did he… did Vader kill her?”

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “I don’t _think_ he did. At least not in any physical way. But she died so soon after he turned. I think she did die because of him. It broke her heart.”

“I don’t want that to happen to Rey,” said Kylo in suppressed panic.

Leia hid her smile to herself. “It won’t. Your circumstances and Anakin Skywalker’s are very different. The opposite, in fact.”

“But if anything happens to me,” persisted Kylo. “You’ll be there.”

“That won’t happen,” said Leia gently. “I know it. And I’ll be there no matter what.”

“Good. She’s been alone. For so long,” he said. “Today, when we were in the temple. I had you, and Luke and my grandfather. And she has nobody. No family.”

“Yes, she does,” said Leia in a firmer voice. “She has all of us. And, more importantly, she has you, Ben. That’s who she wants. That’s who she needs. And you’ll be there, like you have been all along.”

“You don’t know that,” said Kylo, and added haltingly, “And I haven’t always been there for her. Not always. You don’t know what I said to her. On the Supremacy. Or… some other times after.”

“That’s in the past. There is no sense in going over that again,” said Leia briskly. “Rey is looking to the future now and so should you. That’s what matters. It’s what you do now that counts.”

“I’ll do everything I can to protect her,” he said in an earnest rush. “And you.”

“I know you will,” she said. “And she will do the same for you. She has the biggest, bravest heart in the galaxy, that girl.”

“Doesn’t she?” said Kylo, a proud little smile creeping over his face.

“She does,” Leia readily concurred with her own statement.

She watched her son hesitate for a moment before his cheeks grew a little pink, his eyes shy, his voice more carefully nonchalant.

“She’s very beautiful, isn’t she?”

“Very beautiful,” agreed Leia, unable to hide her smile anymore.

It was all much, much too cute. But as she looked at his rosy cheeks, she was reminded of her conversation with Rey after Kylo had left for the Steadfast. And Lando’s ominous predictions. But surely Ben was old enough to have figured it all out by now. He didn’t need her advice. Maybe he simply hadn’t told Rey that he had previous experience in these matters. As adorable as Rey was, Leia could only imagine that wild little creature might not take kindly to that notion.

All the same, a man of Ben’s age blushing because he admitted he found a girl beautiful didn’t bode well.

“You and Rey…” she started and then quailed as he looked at her questioningly. But she had started now, she might as well continue. “After today, you’ll probably be considering taking the next step in your relationship.”

And now Kylo’s eyes were widening, his posture becoming more rigid as he stared at her. Leia, remembering Han’s account of his disastrous attempt at the dreaded Talk, steeled herself.

“I know you won’t want to talk to me about that, but maybe you could talk to Lando? You know… if you need any advice?” 

Kylo’s face was puce now. “No!” he said violently and as she opened her mouth to explain herself, he skidded out of the lounge seat to hover in the doorway. “No! I don’t want to talk about anything with Lando. Or you.”

“Okay, okay,” said Leia. “You don’t have to talk to anyone. It’s just I know Rey has so little experience, and I gathered that maybe she isn’t the only one?”

Kylo stared at her in confused horror.

“She didn’t tell you?” said Leia tentatively. “About our conversation?”

“No! What conversation?” He shook his head hurriedly. “No, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of,” said Leia soothingly. “And don’t worry, Rey didn’t say anything.”

“I’m not ashamed!” retorted Kylo, burning with shame. “I just don’t want to be having this conversation with you.”

“I know,” she said. “I just want you to know you can. If you want to.”

All Kylo wanted to do was turn around and flee. But somewhere underneath the excruciating mortification writhing inside him, he was conscious that his mother’s offer came from a genuine desire to help. And that this horribly embarrassing conversation was a sign that she felt close enough to him to assume that intrusively motherly role he had almost forgotten.

“Thank you,” he said in a suffocated voice. “I think I should… I should probably go.”

He was about to say that Rey would be waiting for him before he stopped himself. Too aware of his and Rey’s enthusiastic plans to take their relationship to that next step. The cause of his present discomfiture.

“You want to find Rey,” said his mother understandingly.

Whereupon Kylo nodded and fled.

Rey was finally decked out in her seduction attire after much rummaging about and changing. The floor of the small captain’s quarters ankle-deep in piles of the discarded clothing she had rejected in favour of what she wore now.

It wasn’t particularly seductive, she had to admit. But the only unspoiled dress she owned was the one she had worn to the celebrations. She had considered it briefly before setting it gently aside. It was Kylo’s grandmother’s dress, which made it seem like an odd and inappropriate choice for this purpose.

And she had also discovered just how complicated it was to remove after Kylo had passed out the night before.

So now she was seated on the edge of their bunk in a clean white training vest and the short, loose trousers she had worn on Jakku. There was something that felt strangely apt about wearing an item she had worn the first time they had met. As if the girl in the forest wanted to be here. To let go of the fear of that tall hooded figure she had felt then.

And now all Rey had to do was wait.

She didn’t have to wait too long. Rey sat up straighter, her heart thumping when she heard the grinding clank of the bulkhead door resounding down the corridor. The screeching of the porgs in the passageway heralding an arrival. And then the sound of footsteps ringing out on the metal floor to the main hold.

“I’m in here!” squeaked Rey as she saw Kylo striding past her door. He skidded to a halt and came inside, to duck his head and sit into the bunk beside her.

“That took longer than I thought it would,” he said apologetically and reached up a hand to lift a drying brown curl from her shoulder. “You’ve been in the fresher.” 

“Yes,” said Rey. “I felt hot after the trek today.”

She sounded oddly guilty and Kylo frowned curiously at her. Why would he mind if she washed herself? There was an unabashedly possessive part of Kylo that very much liked how Rey smelled of his wash products afterwards. He leaned in to kiss her, breathing in that citrusy scent and tasted minty sweetness on her tongue.

And then his heart thumped, a giddy squirm running through his stomach. She had been getting ready. For him.

Kylo moved back to look into wide shy eyes and framed her lovely face carefully with his hands. His Rey, the most beautiful creature in the entire galaxy. And she was offering all of this loveliness to him. Rey, who had told him she had nothing, was prepared to give him everything.

Rey, who had been so uncomfortably conscious of all she perceived she had taken from him. How could he ever explain how meagre those things were in comparison to what she had to offer to him? And how could he ever give her anything of his that would be worthy of that gift?

The happiness she had already given him was more than enough. Those kisses and smiles so overwhelmingly gratifying his stunned heart could scarcely accept they were his to keep. Those sleepy whispers and trusting embraces and silly ridiculous little jokes about lightsabers.

And even as he thought that, he could see the hand she so trustingly pressed her cheek against close around his Khyber crystal. Cracking it. Splintering it. He could feel the soft weight of the tunic his mother gave him resting in his lap.

Kylo wanted to give Rey everything. But more than that he wanted to give her something worth having.

An idea formed in his mind. An impossible idea, but one he couldn’t shake. There were so many things he had thought impossible before. So many of them occurring in the last year. And now that this notion had taken hold of him, Kylo wanted to do it.

He wanted to try. He wanted to at least try to begin making things right. To try to be worthy of some of this.

“Ben?” whispered Rey uneasily.

He kissed her, dropping his arms to draw her to him and hold her tight. Rey’s arms slipped around him, and the eagerness of her kisses only strengthened his resolve. His lips left hers, his brow gently pushing her away from him. As her eyes opened, Kylo pressed a soft kiss onto the pert tip of her nose.

“There’s something I have to do,” he whispered. “I won’t be long. I promise.”

Rey stared at him, her expression troubled when he smiled at her and slipped out of the bunk. It grew even more troubled as he disappeared into the closet only to reappear, sliding his lightsaber into his belt. 

“Hux?” she faltered.

“What? No!” Kylo shook his head with a smile and couldn’t resist leaning in to give her just one more kiss. “Nothing like that. Don’t worry.”

Rey didn’t look entirely convinced. “Do you want me to come with you?”

“Not this time,” he said. Because as hard as it was to see that uncertain look on Rey’s face, Kylo knew this was something he had to do himself. He could tell her what he planned to do, but if he failed, he couldn’t bear to feel her disappointment heaped onto his own.

But he wouldn’t fail. He couldn’t. He could do this.

“It’s just something I need to do,” he said and something in his eyes appeared to have finally convinced her.

But even after Kylo left, he could still feel the strength of Rey’s arms around him, the urgency with which she had clung to him and it propelled him forward.

Kylo’s steps took him to the lake, back to the place where he had held Rey in his arms. Where they had swam in the sea. It was quiet here, with nothing to disturb him but the cries of birds high overhead, and the muted sounds of the encampment in the distance.

Kylo sat down cross legged in the grass and reached for his lightsaber, feeling the weight and texture and shape of it slot seamlessly into his hand. As familiar and recognisable as part of himself. And then began the fiddly task of disassembling it.

When he was finished, he tapped the open barrel of the hilt, bracing himself before letting the cracked red Khyber crystal roll into the palm of his hand.

Wild jagged energy flowed over him, shuddering its way through every vein and sinew. A raw throbbing ache crying out in the Force. Desperate and needy and tormented. Kylo’s fingers closed around it to hide it from his eyes. Too sickened to look at this horror he had created.

But hiding it could not prevent that cry from flooding his senses, curling around his soul.

_I can’t do this._

_Ben Solo was standing in the great dining hall in Maz Kanata’s castle._

_Peering up over the rim of the old wooden table, into Maz Kanata’s hideously magnified eyes. She focused her goggles to look into his eyes._

_“The struggle for your soul is only beginning. The choices you make at every step will show you who you are,” she said gravely. “These choices will have consequences, some of which cannot be undone.”_

_And Ben Solo stood very still, feeling his mother’s hand close over his where it lay on her knee, feeling her tension through a quiver in the Force. Her fear. He had felt it before. He had been the cause of it then as he was now._

_Maz reached out to touch his face, running her fingers gently over his eyebrow and down his cheek._

_“But what is broken is still what it ever was. You will understand this in time. Here in this place. It will never be the same, but it can be whole again.”_

_Ben felt Han’s hand on his waist, his arm circling around it to hoist him up onto his lap._

_“_ _Hey, stop it, Maz. You’re scaring the kid.”_

_And Ben knew from his voice that his father was scared._

_Help me, he whispered into the dark corner of his mind that only he knew._

_I’m here, said the voice that was never afraid, even when Ben had been really, really bad._

_And Ben felt his father’s fingers smooth a curl from his forehead, his kiss pressing down into his hair. And he prayed for the voice to stop Dad being scared._

Kylo’s chest heaved.

“Dad,” he whispered, everything in him crying out to be held safe in his father’s arms again.

_I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry._

Kylo breathed out shakily and dragged his shirt up over his head, laying it on the ground beside him before he pulled off his boots. He got up to walk into the lake, the sharp cold of the water biting into his skin, numbing his grief. Not stopping until he was waist deep, and then he stood very still.

As still as Ben Solo had when Maz had spoken to him.

As still as he had when Rey stood on tiptoes to kiss him.

As still as he had when his mother reached out to take his hand.

As still as he had when his father reached out to touch his face.

_“Come home. We miss you.”_

Kylo closed his eyes, his lips parting to breathe in the warm breeze, to taste sticky sap and earthy moss.

He reached out to sense it all and everything in between. The gentle lap of cool water on his skin. The coarse stones and soft silky silt underneath his feet. The song of a bird swooping low over the lake. The hum of the blood in his veins. The sparks of heat under his cold skin. The lament of the broken stone in his hand. Rey’s minty sweetness on his tongue.

And all of it reached back to embrace him. The touch of his father’s fingers in his hair. His mother’s quiet lullaby in the dark. The warm furry scent of Chewie’s pelt. Rey’s cool lips on his forehead. A whisper.

_I like you_.

All of it and everything. All of it out there. All of it in here. All of it him.

Kylo opened himself up with a sob, letting the truth of everything course through him. Tearing through his lungs, scorching through his heart, burning through his skin.

Wrapping around his bones, soothing his muscles, caressing his pulse, whiting out his mind.

His fingers relaxed, opening as his breathing grew easier. As everything flowed through him steady and soft to envelop the stone in his hand. He opened his eyes to see it glow brighter, the scarlet fire burning away as the Force sang from within it.

Until it was whole. Not blue-white like it was before.

But warm and clear and gold.

In the Millennium Falcon Rey sat up, bolt upright.

Barely even conscious of the familiar sight of the battered interior of the main hold. Of her fingers gripping the cracked leather of the lounge seat below her so tightly it hurt. Of the sudden chatter of porgs swooping excitedly overhead.

All she knew was the beat of her own heart. As if it had only started beating for the first time. Pounding now, clamouring at her chest. As if another heart had called out to it. And she could feel it.

The first tentative beats of another heart. Growing stronger and surer with each passing moment.

The cries of the birds had quietened, a hush falling over the lake. Sunlight warmed the shoulders of the man who stood waist-high in the water, sparkling through his fingers in iridescent prisms, shimmering over the clear flat surface.

His reflection flickered, disturbed by a ripple in the water, and as an image began to form under his gaze, he thought for a moment he looked at himself as he had been. That he saw the eyes of the child who had visited this place so long ago. But it wasn’t Ben Solo.

As the ripples smoothed out, he could make out a slim, girlish figure, smaller and slighter than Rey.

She was lovely. And sad. And familiar. A face he had only seen in flickering holos before.

A little wistful smile touched his grandmother’s eyes.

_“Ben,”_ she said, and he reached forward to take the hand she offered.

But when his hand slid into the water she had already disappeared as he had somehow known she would. He was staring back at his own face, lit by the golden light of the Khyber crystal in his hand.

Rey ran through the trees, vaulting over fallen branches, whipping through low hanging leaves.

He was close and her feet were as sure as she was that she would find him in the place where the little saplings grew. The Force chanted through her, urging her forward, propelling her over every obstacle in her path. Until at last she arrived, breathless and urgent, her eyes finding his as his found hers.

This was it. This was what she had seen before. What she had been reminded of on that first day they had come here. When she saw him turning to look at her in the water.

The vision she had seen when they touched hands across the galaxy, all that time ago.

Ben Solo.

Rey’s heart soared as he began to move towards her, and she couldn’t wait a moment longer.

“Ben!” she cried out on a joyful sob as she splashed through the water, scarcely aware of it seeping through her clothes, surging over the rims of her boots. Her momentum was stalled just before she reached him. Stalled by his hand rising, opening to show her what lay in his palm.

And as the Force wrapped around them, her shining eyes lifted to look up into his face. To see lovely new pink skin where the last remnants of his scars used to be. His dark eyes lit with gold, his beautiful lips parting as he leaned down to lift her up.

And then at last Rey was kissing Ben Solo, wrapping her legs around Ben Solo’s waist, holding Ben Solo’s body to hers as the world spun around them. At last. His heart beating in tandem with hers. Their souls folding around each other’s. The way she had always known they could.

He was finally here. She had found him. The one she’d been waiting for her whole life. Her beautiful Ben Solo. The spark in the darkness. The home she had yearned for. Her dearest sweetest home.

“Ben,” she whispered into his lips and felt his name sink into him, swell within him.

His face delved into her shoulder and his chest heaved against hers. Rey felt his tears wet on her neck, heard the sob from his throat but this time she felt no pity. Only happiness. Because Ben Solo had let his name into his heart and claimed it. She said it again, and again, and again, dropping kisses into his hair and he squeezed her tighter. So tight she squeaked, and as he loosened his clasp and raised his head, her kisses covered his wet cheeks, his smiling mouth.

Ben pulled back the tiniest bit so he could lean his forehead on hers to look into her eyes, see her smile, as radiant and lovely as the stone in his hand. He laughed, a little breathy laugh, his happiness so new and shocking it dazed him. Frightened him and excited him.

Rey caught her breath, her smile wavering for a moment as her eyes filled. There was no melody as sweet as that dear little laugh. As pure, as precious as that look on his face. Rey’s chest _ached_ with it, weeping for him, for all of those lost years deprived of such happiness. Weeping for her, for that sudden agonising terror that seized her, petrified this could be taken away from her.

How could this incredible feeling be so crushingly kind, yet so crushingly cruel? This fierce love that seared through her veins, igniting the Force around her.

Kylo’s head spun, too light from the burden that had been so suddenly lifted. The wild happiness that teetered his world off balance. Rey in his arms, all messy hair and teary eyes and sweet little freckles. The most heartbreakingly beautiful sight in the entire galaxy.

Was it possible for a heart to break and mend in one instant? And again in the next. And in the one after that. And over and over and over again.

There was only one explanation that could made sense of it. One that originated in his fuddled brain, and then formed into words, flowing up from his pounding chest to burst from his lips.

“I love you,” whispered Ben Solo.

Rey froze, a tear spilling over on a blink to slide slow and heavy down her cheek. Her throat constricted on a swallow, because she was realising that Kylo Ren had always tried to tell her this.

When he had told her not to be afraid. Every time he had held out his hand. And challenged her. And fought her. And touched her. And kissed her.

He had always loved her. Long before he had known what that meant.

Long before she had known what that meant.

It was only now Rey was realising that Kylo Ren had never been a different person to Ben Solo. Kylo Ren had always been a part of him, would always be a part of him. Just like her own darkness had always been with her, would always be with her. Like two sides of a coin, flipping underneath the surface of them both.

The only difference was that he had given the darkness in him a name. Had given this darkness a power with this name.

Rey had just now realised that only by loving the monster he called Kylo Ren, had she been able to find Ben Solo buried within him. And only by accepting that the monster he called Kylo Ren was loved, had Ben Solo been able to find his way back.

And then Rey panicked as she realised she hadn’t told him that. Not yet. And he was still waiting for her to respond, his smile wilting, eyes wide and desperate as they searched her face for a clue to her thoughts.

“I love you!” shouted Rey, her anxiety to get out those words she had been yearning to say as fast as she could rendering them much too loud.

Much, much too loud. Ben’s head shot back in surprise as her cry echoed over the quiet lake, his arms relaxing so abruptly that Rey skidded down his body.

“Ben!” she squealed, clawing at him as cool water whooshed over her waist.

“Rey!” Ben grabbed her hand, toppling off balance to be dragged gasping underwater with her.

Rey writhed around frantically to find her footing on the lakebed, bumping off Ben’s knees and elbows until her scrabbling hands found his shoulders. There was the briefest blinding moment when her eyes opened to see dark eyes stare back at her through a swirling froth of golden bubbles.

And then Ben’s feet found solid ground. He bent his knees, clamping his hands around her waist and launched them both back to the surface.

They rose up out of the water, gasping and coughing and staggering splashily about.

“Rey!” panted Ben, shaking his hair off his face. “I’m so sorry!”

But Rey was laughing, uncontrollably, giddily. Her hand clutched at his as she gasped for air. “That’s okay! I still love you.”

“You do?” said Ben, his smile returning delightedly.

“I do!” spluttered Rey with frantic enthusiasm. “I do! I do! I do! I love you! I’ve been dying to say that for so long!”

And then he was laughing too, relief and happiness flooding him, pushing his hand against hers in a struggle to hold it tighter and free it at the same time so he could hug her as tight as he could.

He loved Rey. Rey loved him.

It was so heady, that feeling! So unbelievable, that Ben didn’t know what to do. He swayed her back to kiss her, wanting to hold every part of her to him forever, wanting to hold her away from him so he could look at her.

It was impossible to kiss her when she was laughing, when he was laughing, noses and teeth and chins bumping and shoving and getting in the way. When he wanted to kiss her lips, her shoulder, her nose, her wrist, her every single thing all at the same time.

In Leia’s chambers in the Tantive IV, Chewie whimpered worriedly. Leia had been sitting so still, her back ramrod straight, her eyes staring unseeingly at the wall in front of her. A second louder whimper finally alerted her to his presence and as she turned her head to look at him, he was concerned further to see tears in her eyes.

“Oh Chewie!” she whispered. “He’s home! Ben’s home!”

And a shuddering smile broke loose as Chewbacca’s arms folded around her and she clung to him. She shook her head in response to the murmur above her.

“No. This is their moment. I can wait.”

It _was_ their moment, and much as Leia wanted to run to Ben and hold him as tightly as she held Chewie, she could wait. They deserved this time alone. Leia’s tears spilled into the warm softness of the Wookiee’s pelt.

Because this was so painfully bittersweet. With war on the horizon and Palpatine an ever-present spectre lurking in the shadows. But she didn’t think Ben and Rey would be thinking about that now. She hoped they weren’t.

If only Han could be here to witness this. The little scavenger he had found lurking in the smuggler’s compartment of the Millennium Falcon and his son. He had brought them together. In every possible way.

She and Han had fallen in love in wartime. They hadn’t known then what lay ahead. It hadn’t mattered as long as they were together. Leia was glad of that. They had enjoyed years of happiness before everything had begun to fall apart.

Maybe fate would be kinder to these two young lovers and give them everything they both deserved. Maybe it was finally time for the Skywalkers to find some sort of peace at last.

She had to believe that. She _did_ believe it.

Her boy. Leia closed her eyes to recapture that glimpse that had shot through her mind. Her boy standing tall and strong in the water. Her sweet boy who was finally beginning to emerge like the sparks of golden light glinting through his fingers from the stone he held in his hand. Warm and vital and precious.

And powerful.

Like Rey was.

Surely together there was no limit to what they could achieve. The galaxy had never witnessed two Force Users such as these. Powerful beyond compare. Equals in the Force. And now bound together by the most potent force of all.

A different sort of force that would shake the galaxy with its strength. A love so pure, so intense, nothing could stand in its way. Nothing.

Because Leia had sensed something else, something much less pleasant than the wave of hope and happiness and love that still coursed through her.

Something else had awoken in the Force, quite apart from the jubilant ringing that had called her attention to the lake, but she had been so overwhelmed with joy she was only remembering it now.

She had sensed fear.

And now Leia’s smile grew wider.

Palpatine’s fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Ben Solo! At last! I’ve been dying to unleash you!
> 
> I have always thought of Kylo and Ben as the same person, not two separate entities. Just that Ben would be able to embrace and integrate all aspects of himself, in a way Kylo couldn’t. So the Kylo I’ve been writing up to this point that Rey has grown to love, will not suddenly flip personalities overnight, it will still be a process. I love the vulnerability of Kylo Ren, so the thought of him turning into, or reverting back to a completely new carefree person always jarred with me. He will still be the big dork you know, just a happier big dork! 
> 
> And as much as I love the notion that Rey would be a huge factor in Kylo Ren’s redemption, I always wanted him to make that final decision alone. It’s his own personal journey and I think all of the events that succeeded Han’s death would naturally lead to this, not just Rey’s acceptance and love. Which is why I had him interact with so many different people as well as return (however briefly) to the First Order, so he could gradually grow into the person he would become from early on. So Ben Solo wouldn’t feel like some stranger with Kylo’s face. 
> 
> I know it looks like I've stolen Rey's saber for Ben, but I always hoped he'd mend his khyber crystal and I had it in my head that it would be golden because it's still a warm colour. So as it's my story, it's staying golden!
> 
> The immersion in the freshwater lake was always going to be the place where Kylo redeems himself in this story. It’s partly why I wanted the setting to be here on Takodana, not just because Rey loved it. I love that universal idea of water being purifying and cleansing, washing away the last of Ben’s guilt and fears. Which is why he happens to get wet (a LOT) in this story. It’s not just for the aesthetic value! 
> 
> Also I’m sure it’s been super-obvious that I’ve managed to douse Kylo/Ben in water pretty much every time before Rey has some sort of sexual awakening or epiphany around him. I loved that moment on the beach so much in TLJ I can’t help but be inspired by the idea that water is symbolic of Rey’s awakening in this way.  
> So now that they’re both absolutely soaking wet… need I drop any more clues about where the next chapter is heading? 
> 
> All of the love in the world from me to you for your lovely comments and kudos and support for this story! Thank you so much! 💖💖


	37. Something Bluer...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben’s decision has immediate and very satisfactory results. And the dyad is finally consummated. Twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, we’re finally here! It’s happening. No explanations necessary, but a word of warning to any and all who would not enjoy a number of clumsily intimate accounts of a sexual nature interspersed with some bonus silly happy nonsense. And a porg. Because that’s all this chapter is.
> 
> A new illustration is up now in Chapter 36. Something Blue - A redeemed Ben Solo!

It transpired Rey need not have spent so long worrying about all of the complicated intricacies of taking off clothing. Not because they conveniently melted away like those of the holobook ladies. But because Ben made no attempt to remove them.

The sun had begun to set, a cool breeze creeping over the lake by the time they waded ashore, giggling and shivering in their drenched clothes. Ben relinquished Rey to peel off his clinging trousers and she stared at him in a mixture of appreciation and trepidation. And now, he was kicking them off in a flamboyant flourish of droplets and reaching for her.

“What if somebody comes?” she said breathlessly, rubbing her hands over her upper arms to warm them.

“I don’t care,” he said, his gaze running over her hungrily. “I’m only slightly less decent than you, anyway.”

Rey looked down to see her wet white vest practically translucent in the warm light of the setting sun and clutched her arms around her chest in alarm. And then looked back up at Ben to see him smiling at her.

So big and beautiful, his snug black shorts accentuating that mouth-watering taper from broad shoulders to lean hips. And leaving absolutely no part of his upright, ridiculously oversized body to her imagination. (Even if one part did look rather painfully constrained.) Rey's stomach went hollow at the sight. He looked _spectacular,_ and the Millennium Falcon suddenly seemed very, very far away. 

Ben’s eyes widened at the indecision in her face.

_She was thinking about it!_

“I’ll make sure there’s nobody,” he said quickly and closed his eyes. She felt him reach out with the Force, little threads, probing and searching, before his eyes opened again. “We’re alone.”

And then Rey, face burning, clutched the end of her vest and held his gaze as she lifted it. And Ben did his very best to keep his eyes riveted to hers until they were hidden under folds of white. When they re-emerged his focus had moved elsewhere, but Rey was not as embarrassed as she thought she would be.

She _was_ a little concerned. Ben was so still she wasn’t even sure he was breathing.

“Rey!” he whispered, and then she held her own breath before shrugging off her light sodden trousers to stand before him in nothing but white underpants and an apprehensive smile.

Ben had seen most parts of Rey before, but not all at once, and not out here in the magical light of a setting sun.

“You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen,” he said reverently.

Because she was. Her beautiful svelte body bathed in golden light, her eyes bright and shining, like some sort of mystical goddess that he had discovered dwelling deep in the dark shadows of the forest. In little white pants.

Rey breathed out shakily, wishing he would move towards her. _“You_ are.”

But Ben was standing suddenly stricken, staring at her thigh. At round pink bruises dappling the inside of that beautiful slender strong thigh. And he was only now realising what had made them. He had, in their bunk on the Falcon that morning, poking around clumsily in his haste to find his release.

“Oh, Rey!” he whispered remorsefully, lurching forward to drop to his knees. Pressing his lips gently to those marks he had made, spoiling that beautiful skin. He felt Rey’s fingers touch his hair and looked up.

“I hurt you,” he said. “Why didn’t you say?”

Rey’s heart thudded at the repentance in those dark eyes.

“You didn’t hurt me,” she said truthfully, as surprised as he was to see those bruises. And then giggled. “Wait, no! Are they from Lightsaber Number One?”

“Yes,” whispered Ben guiltily and received another giggle in return.

“That monster,” she said, shaking her head in mock disapproval.

“It is a monster,” agreed Ben, but he felt a bit better now Rey was laughing.

And a little excited to find his nose in such close proximity to those white pants. He couldn’t resist leaning in, to kiss them, cool and wet against his lips.

“Oh!” said Rey encouragingly overhead and he was emboldened to kiss her again. To press his nose against her and slide his tongue exploratively over the taut fabric.

“Ben!” squeaked Rey, voice and knees trembling alike.

And then Ben realised that his goddess was shivering, not just from his attentions to her, but because she was cold, her golden skin goosebumped with it.

“Rey!” he said, clambering up to take her in his arms and warm her with his body.

Rey gasped at the feel of his bare skin against hers, his heart beating so close it felt like it was her own. His sleek skin under her fingers, his cool wet thigh pushing between her trembling legs. Trembling so much that she couldn’t stand. She dragged at his neck, pulling him down and they subsided in an inelegant tumble to the ground, Ben landing heavily on top of her.

Rey’s giggle emerged as a winded squeak into his chest as he struggled up on his elbows.

“Sorry!” he whispered, hoisting up his hips to free her. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” she smiled, slithering up to touch his cheek where his scar had been. “I’m more okay than I’ve ever felt in my entire life.”

Ben smiled back at her giddily. “Me too.”

He wanted to tell her he loved her again, but he wasn’t sure if he should, poised as provocatively as he was between her thighs. He cupped his hands around her face and kissed her instead. And then kissed her more excitedly as her arms slung around him, her legs rising to hook over his, to drag him down to her. It was too much to resist.

Ben’s knees slid down, his body pinning her beneath him, and Rey gasped, unbearably aroused by his weight pressing down on her, by the feel of cool skin warming over solid muscle under her fingertips. Her lips left his to taste that skin, kissing down his neck, into the curve of his shoulder.

He was delicious, as earthy fresh as summer rain, as tangy sweet and biteable as the most succulent exotic fruit. Rey felt a mad urge to bite into that delectable smooth skin, to make Ben the best meal she ever had.

Ben lifted up in surprise as he felt teeth tentatively close on his shoulder and looked down to see Rey’s eyes pop open guiltily.

“Am I crushing you?” he said, horrified to think of her struggling to breathe under his weight.

“No,” she whispered, her cheeks pink. “I just want to eat you up.”

A little unsteady laugh shook him as he absorbed all that shame-faced loveliness beneath him. He knew exactly what she meant, but as ever Rey’s slightly feral hungriness touched and surprised him.

“Greedy little scavenger,” he whispered, but so softly and tenderly that she laughed back at him and swooped up to kiss his lips.

Because now she had tacit permission to be as hungry as she liked. And Rey took full advantage of that, her ravenous mouth devouring his, her starving hands roving over that gorgeous big body. Clasping the tensed muscles in his arms, kneading into those strong, sloped planes on his back. Clutching at those two most adorable of Ben’s tightly clenched muscles in his wet shorts.

And Ben, exhilarated by this vigorously appreciative exploration of his body, wasn’t quite sure what to do next. At least his mind wasn’t. His body seemed to have plenty of ideas, responding excitedly to her touches, his hands leaving her hair to slide under her waist to scoop her closer. Revelling in the enthusiastic responses of her firm smooth limbs and passionate sighs as his mouth delved lower to seek out those few parts of Rey her life of hardship had not toughened. So springy soft and cushiony under his lips, until his ardent attention rendered their rosy peaks as sweetly pert as her lovely freckled nose.

Rey squirmed ecstatically underneath him, slinging her legs tight around his lower back, clawing at his hair to bring his lips back to hers.

She was so warm now, her hips writhing so pliant and eager into his, that Ben’s head spun. His hands left the safety of her waist and ran down her side until his fingers encountered her underwear. He knew they should stop there but he couldn’t seem to move them away.

“Tell me to stop,” he whispered, unable to stop his finger curling into the wet waistband.

Rey’s only answer was to raise her head to kiss him. His breath quickened as she arched beneath him, her kisses deepening, her hands gripping him tighter. Ben’s eyes scrunched shut in agonies of almost painful pleasure as he felt her rub over that part of him that felt suffocated and strangled in his shorts.

He was so close. She was so close to giving herself to him. At last. But maybe she didn’t realise what he wanted to do. He should stop. He should stop this right now.

He broke away to look down into Rey’s dazed eyes.

“You can tell me to stop,” he whispered more urgently, hoping fervently that she wouldn’t. “I’ll stop. Just tell me.”

The burning light in his dark eyes shot a sharp dart of desire through Rey. She wanted him so much it was almost like a physical pain. It _was_ a physical pain. She wanted him just as much as he wanted her. Or more. It had to be more. And Rey was long past fighting it.

She held his gaze resolutely, and with an infinitesimal shake of her head, slipped her hands down his back to slide her thumbs under the top of his shorts. And then they were kissing frantically, a desperate prelude, a desperate distraction so hands could furtively push down those last few vestiges of clothing that were suddenly getting in the way of what they needed to do.

Ben rose up to kick his shorts over his feet, resting his weight on the palms of his hands, and looked down, riveted by the vision of the body he had been holding in his arms. He breathed out, shaken by how much he was feeling.

He _adored_ her.

Just as Rey’s eyes had darted down to see him hovering above her, Lightsaber Number One so primed and ready for what lay ahead it bounced eagerly off his stomach with every breath he took. But instead of feeling fear, she was only conscious of an overwhelming pulse of excitement thrumming through her.

_This was actually happening!_

She looked up to see his eyes running over her with a glazed sort of reverence, before apprehensively meeting hers. So beautiful, so soft, so nervous, Rey’s heart surged with love. Her hand rose to touch his cheek, bringing him back to her with the softest, most hopeful of kisses as he sank down to press himself against her.

They were suddenly still, shocked by the contact.

This was the moment they had both been waiting for. And although Ben knew what came next, he wasn’t exactly sure where or how he should begin. This wasn’t the same as that frenzied, headlong accidental slide that had happened before.

He lifted up slightly to slip his hand between them and met hers, engaged on the same mission. She kissed him again, holding him tenderly, guiding him to where they both so desperately needed him to be.

And then Ben clenched his eyes shut, burrowing his face into her neck, not wanting to see any hesitation flit over Rey’s face as he left her to pursue her breathless explorations. Because this was her last opportunity to change her mind and he was ashamed to realise that he really, really didn’t want to know if she did.

Not now, when her successful hand squirmed out from between them to slide over his back and he was beginning to push tentatively between her thighs.

Until he stopped in confusion. That warm wet place was not making way for him like it had for his fingers any other time he had ventured there. Ben started to feel panic flicker through his heady excitement as he nudged forward cautiously again.

How was this not working? Was he in the wrong place? It _seemed_ like he was in the right place from the way Rey was kissing his ear a little desperately, sending his already giddy brain into the nicest sort of turmoil. Which was good, because those kisses circumvented Ben's anxious brain's attempts to send that needy part of him warning signals to retreat in haste.

He paused, sliding his hand between them again to investigate as subtly as he could. Slipping over that place he knew Rey liked him to touch.

As she liked it now, whimpering into his ear maddeningly, her legs shooting apart to clamp around him again. And then Ben’s eyes popped open as he gasped into her shoulder, exploring no further. There was no need.

This was working! Every little movement Rey made under his circling fingers letting him ease into that warmth, ever so slightly more. And now Ben didn’t have to think anymore.

And especially not now, in this glorious moment when he felt that soft warm resistance begin to give way, as a startled little “oof!” sounded right beside his ear. Rey’s fingers clutching him in a spasm of surprise.

But that little noise was enough to bring him back to her. Ben raised his head to look into eyes wide with anticipation.

“Ben!” whispered Rey, and he knew she hadn’t changed her mind.

She hadn’t. But she was beginning to wonder if Ben had, because why else would he stop now, just when the galaxy was starting to hurtle around her? And now it was all teetering off balance. The cries of birds, the gentle lap of water over stones and the rustle of leaves rising in a deafening cacophony of sound.

Her hand shot up to clasp the back of his neck, to bury her fingers in his hair as she coaxed him with a kiss, an urgent roll of her hips. And then he was kissing her back with a moan of delight as her hands ran down his back to pull him closer. Her hips urging him to rock into her more insistently.

That softness yielding more and more, before suddenly, incredibly, welcoming him in. A deep sudden slide into everything that was Rey.

And at last he became hers and she became his.

“Rey!” he sobbed, delirious with that luscious feel of her all around him, so soft, so warm, so wet, so perfect. Holding him as close and tight as she held his heart.

Rey shook as a gasp tore from her, finding her breath now Ben had truly become one with her. She didn’t know if she had reached out or if he had drawn her in.

She could feel _everything_. She was _full_ of everything.

The flow of everything between everything, everything that was beautiful and wonderful in the galaxy. Everything that was beautiful in this moment. In this man. Everything that was beautiful about her. Everything connected to everything.

Ben Solo's eagerness to please her, his desire for her.

The depth of his joy. His need. His gratitude. His love. All hers.

And all of it given back to him so joyfully, so intensely, so wholeheartedly, it swept through her like a warm flame.

And then Ben began to move, so gently at first Rey was too overwhelmed to respond. Too astounded by that feeling. That _rhythm._ Feeling his whole body pressing against hers, pushing against hers. Pushing _into_ hers.

So much better than anything she had ever felt before. So, so different than how it had felt when it had been his hand teaching her this rhythm, as wonderful as that had been. This was a revelation. As if everything, absolutely everything suddenly made perfect mind-blowing sense.

Because this part of him that she had feared so much, was amazingly, astonishingly perfectly made for this. Perfectly, perfectly made for her. She lurched her head around to kiss blindly at his face until his lips met hers.

This _kiss!_ While they were joined together like this! How heavenly, how _perfect_ it was!

Rey’s desire to kiss him more urged her into movement, every part of her frantic to embrace him. To adore this amazing person who was giving her everything she had never even known she wanted. Everything she _needed._ Arms tightening around him, knees climbing to squeeze his waist. To chase that rhythm, propel him deeper, so deep she squeaked.

The rhythm of everything in them, the rhythm of everything around them became one. Her breath was his breath, his heart was her heart. The heat pulsing through his veins setting hers aflame, just as her heat flooded through his.

We’re on fire, was her last feverish thought before that warmth enveloped her and she couldn’t think at all.

Ben had abandoned thought long before. There was no logic in this dark secret place, just sensation. Just hot slick skin and ecstatically tangling limbs and warm slippery plunges into a heaven Ben could never have imagined. Quickening breath and greedy lips and heady little sighs.

Rey was everywhere. All around him, taking everything he could give her, giving him everything in return. Her rapturous pleasure swamping him, drawing him in, folding around him, making him whole.

And every time he opened his eyes fresh visions assailed them, each one more enthralling and exciting than the last. Those adorably jaunty little breasts bobbing mesmerizingly along with every move he made. _Because_ of every move he made. Inside her. Inside _Rey!_

And Rey’s face, surrounded by damp brown curls and bright green grass. That green reflected so stunningly in her wide ardent eyes. Breathless smiles and surprised gasps parting those generous pink lips.

She was _loving_ this. She was loving this just as much as he was. She loved _him._

It was all so _incredible._

Too incredible. Ben’s over-stimulated mind scrambled, his movements becoming a little frantic, a little erratic, jolting a startled Rey into clinging to him tighter, clawing at his back, clenching her toes, muffling her cries into his shoulder.

If he had been able to think, Ben would have been relieved to realise that his earlier worries about a much too speedy conclusion to their first encounter were utterly negligible. But he wasn’t to know then that Rey would be just as overwhelmed by all of this as he would be.

Much too overwhelmed to even consider trying to hold back that need for release. That tension that had been building up inside her for much too long. Desperate to burst free. 

Although Rey had no idea whose shuddering joy began to sear through her first, hers or his. It didn’t matter.

It was all hers. All his. All _theirs._

It did matter when he suddenly skidded down, gasping, to delve his burning face into her shoulder, to clutch at the swell of her hips, leaving her suddenly empty.

Because Ben, his mind abruptly shot through with fleeting warning visions of little green saplings and porg eggs, had just about remembered not to outstay his welcome.

Just in time.

Rey’s feverish little sob of relief as his fingers returned to guide her through the first waves of excruciating ecstasy blew those images apart. And all Ben knew was Rey, the feel of her warmth on his fingers, the feel of her warm thighs around him, the warmth of their love wrapping tightly around them both.

As the world rippled around them, exploding into roaring, surging tumults of pure bliss.

Bizarrely, that hadn’t been merely a fanciful thought born out of two utterly infatuated minds. The world did actually ripple around them.

Maz looked up at the sturdy walls of her rebuilt castle as a tremor shook them and the chatter in the cantina was suddenly silenced.

Kaydel clutched Poe’s arm as the rumbling faded and a startled swell of birdsong floated in from outside.

“What was that?” she said. “Earthquake?”

Lando’s eyes narrowed as he watched circles diminish to nothing in his glass, leaving the surface flat and smooth once more.

“What have those kids been up to?” he muttered under his breath.

Maz raised her eyebrows at him with a grin, before standing up on her chair to quell a flurry of concern that the Final Order had descended on the planet en masse.

There was no need to patrol the skies and very definitely no need to send out a search party.

Oblivious to any of this, the instigators of all this commotion stirred, groggy with satiated desire.

At first Ben didn’t see anything remarkable about the fact that his beautiful Rey was now framed by little white flowers, their bobbing faces pink in the setting sun. If anything it seemed quite apt, as if he looked at her through his own filter of happiness.

Rey was his Rey. At last.

Lying beneath him, a little smile on her lips as her big eyes wandered awestruck over his face.

"Ben!" she whispered, because it was the nicest word she could think of.

"Rey!" he whispered back, because that was the name of the loveliest thing that had ever existed.

It was so nice, just to look at each other. Now, after what they had done. To smile at each other and feel so ridiculously joyously _lucky._ It was only when Rey rubbed a tickle from her cheek and turned her head to see the flowers, that Ben realised they hadn’t been there before.

“We did this!” she said in awe, and the breathy tone in her voice reminded Ben that he was still lying heavily on top of her.

He rolled over to lie on his side, his eyes uncertainly searching her face for any sign of regret about what they had done, now that she had looked away for one moment.

But Rey only had one regret. All of that happiness could have been theirs long before this moment.

“We should have done that ages ago,” she whispered. “The Force obviously approves.” She slipped a hand over his stomach, not wanting to lose contact with that gorgeous body for a single second.

Ben grinned and leaned in to detach a tendril of hair from her blinking eyelashes. “When? On the Death Star? I wanted to, believe me.”

Rey giggled. “You did?”

“And in the throne room on the Supremacy,” he continued, carried away with a yearning for what might have been, and then added with some relish. “Right after Snoke was sliced in half.”

That made Rey giggle even more. “What about those red guards?”

"The Praetorian guard? Pfft!" he said dismissively. “They couldn’t see much from behind those masks.”

And then was fondly smacked on the stomach. And then immediately kissed on the stomach to make up for that smack.

But Ben was still thinking of what might have been. “Okay then, the turbolift.”

Rey rested back on her elbow, a little quiet, remembering that strange moment when she had felt something burn through the Force between them.

“You _did_ think about that then.”

“I did,” he whispered. “You looked so sweet in that escape pod, I wanted to get in there beside you and zoom off.”

Rey’s serious expression disintegrated at the thought of how shocked she would have been if that cold haughty Kylo Ren she remembered had tried to cram himself into that tiny space on top of her.

“I don’t think you would have fit,” she giggled. “And that is _not_ how escape pods work!”

“So _practical_.” Ben prodded the tip of her nose with a teasing finger. “We could have used the Force.”

Rey gave up and rolled over to hug him. He was far too adorable to resist with that little half-smile on his face. She buried her face in his shoulder, breathing him in, luxuriating in the feel of his skin against hers. At the feel of his nose nuzzling into her neck, his hair tickling her ear. She wanted to hold him like this forever. To be forever safe in his arms, forever safe in the knowledge that at long last she was loved.

Rey sighed a deep sigh, kissing the shoulder that once upon a time she had sliced open with her lightsaber. When she could never have known what joy it could bring. What _peace_.

She clasped him tighter before her brows drew together, stiffening as something nudged her stomach. And again, more insistently. She raised her head to see Ben’s eyes open sheepishly.

“Seriously?” she laughed.

“I was thinking about the escape pod,” he admitted, and that was so ridiculous she had to kiss him.

She would have kissed him a lot more if an outraged squawk hadn’t interrupted them as Ben scooped her up to clamber on top of him. They jolted upwards to see Ben’s faithful porg ally ruffling out his feathers as he skipped out of the way of Rey’s descending knee.

“Shoo!” Ben slapped the ground beside him.

“Ben!” said Rey, as reproving as the porg, who tilted his head with a stream of reproachful burbles.

“He is _not_ going to stay here watching us,” said Ben, but Rey was beginning to feel a chill creep over the skin that wasn’t warmed by Ben’s below.

“We should probably get back anyway,” she said regretfully, plucking a white flower and tucking it behind his lovely silly ear. “It’s getting cold.”

“But there will be people there,” moaned Ben plaintively, holding on to her as she struggled to rise.

“Not in the Falcon,” she whispered, and now he allowed her to drag him to his feet.

“We could check out an escape pod,” he proposed enthusiastically, eyeing Rey’s lovely round bottom before it disappeared under white pants.

And then shuddered as his skin came into contact with wet trousers, dampening whatever ardour had remained after the porg’s interference.

It was a long shivering run back. Ben and Rey were forced to choose a circuitous route to skirt the immediate environs of the castle and tiresome members of the Resistance sallying forth to enjoy the last light of the day. Rey’s skin was freezing by the time they finally staggered into the Falcon hand in hand, despite her exertions pumping warm blood through her veins.

Instead of discarding all clothes as she had intended, the sopping clothes she wore had to be replaced by a fresh vest, a snuggly warm cape and the thickest of her leggings. It was even more upsetting to see Ben’s splendid body swallowed up under his baggy black sweater and black leather trousers.

But that upset was soon chased away when he opened his arms for her to leap into them. And completely forgotten about when he swept them both up into the guest bunk in the main hold to rub his hands briskly over her shivery body. It was too pleasant to feel anything but happiness when Ben sat behind her, long legs encircling her, big hands running all over her body.

And for Ben, this felt oddly almost as satisfying as their earlier pursuits. Maybe not _quite_ as satisfying. But it was so nice to be useful to Rey, to hear her chattering teeth become happy little sounds as she warmed up in his arms. His wild, warm-blooded little desert creature.

He slid his arms under her cape to draw her back up against his chest, pressing a kiss into the top of her head and felt her arms settle over his, her hands clutching his fingers. His hands opened to hold them as her head lolled back against his shoulder.

“This is so perfect,” she said and closed her eyes, heaving a huge heartfelt sigh. “I can’t really believe it.”

“I know,” said Ben because he couldn’t either.

It had been such a long eventful day. The temple felt like years ago. They should probably talk about all they had learned there. But he didn’t want to think about any of that now. He wanted only to think about nice things. Rey things.

“That time you asked me if we could kiss through the Force,” he whispered. “Did you really want to?”

Her eyes shot open. “I think so,” she said hesitantly. “I wanted to know what it was I was feeling when I was with you.” She slid sideways to look round at him. “Did you?”

“Absolutely,” said Ben unequivocally. “Couldn’t you tell?”

She frowned at him. “No. It’s all a bit hazy, though I’m pretty sure you did _not_ say yes. I do remember you staring at me as if I’d gone mad.”

Ben snickered shamefacedly. “So you didn’t notice me bent double then?”

“Yes,” said Rey slowly, and then her curious frown lifted in surprise as she saw him grimace and nod. “No! Really?!” She giggled. “Ben!”

He laughed, hugging her tighter. “I can’t believe you didn’t notice. I thought my towel was going to shoot off.”

“Oh if it had!” Rey collapsed against him giggling, even though the image of Kylo Ren’s Force propelled towel flying to her on Ajan Kloss brought up that uncomfortable reminder of Lando’s prophecy again. She cast that aside hurriedly. “I wish I had known. I was so mortified the next day.”

“And I was horrible to you,” groaned Ben in a sudden agony of remorse, kissing her cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter now,” said Rey, snuggling into him. And it didn’t.

But Ben felt he had to make reparations. Even if it meant further embarrassment. But there was another reason why he wanted to do it.

Ben loved how Rey laughed. He loved that _he_ could make her laugh. Like the way she had laughed at his confession about his lightsaber on Jakku this morning. It was possible that Ben Solo had made someone laugh like that before. But if he had, he couldn’t remember it.

And if a little embarrassment on his behalf could provoke more shocked peals of delighted laughter from Rey, it was completely worth it. He _wanted_ to do it, lightheaded with this new power to bring Rey happiness.

“It wasn’t the first time either. And at least Luke didn’t walk in on us that time.”

Rey wriggled around to look at him again. “Wait, what? When we touched hands?”

Ben nodded ruefully and stifled her laugh with his lips as he kissed her with force. “You’ve no idea what it was like waking up over this past year. I got pretty used to cold freshers.”

“Oh, Ben!” said Rey in a mixture of pity and amusement. And the tiniest bit of smug pride.

“It happened again on Jakku,” said Ben. “But I managed to wriggle away before you woke up.”

Rey smiled guiltily. “I was awake.” She saw him stare at her and hastened to reassure him. “No, no, I didn’t notice _that_. But I did feel you hugging me.”

“Oh,” said Ben faintly, with a fleeting memory of Rey’s hand jolting when he had thought he was being so subtle. _Kriff!_

“It’s okay, I thought it was the nicest thing ever,” said Rey, kissing him. “I cuddled you before you woke up too.”

“You did?” Dimples creased around a surprised toothy smile.

“And now look at us,” said Rey, completely giving in to that smug feeling.

“I wish I’d known,” said Ben, suddenly sad for Kylo Ren, for all of those years spent in anger and fear. With no Rey to fill his arms. No love to fill his heart. “I wish I’d known this could happen.”

“Me too,” said Rey, sobered by the catch in his voice. But it was hard not to be distracted by Ben’s hand which had made its way up under the front of her vest to cup her breast.

“But we’re here now,” she said comfortingly, trying her best not to writhe luxuriously in his arms as a meditative finger and thumb absently toyed with soft skin until it was taut.

But that was pretty much impossible, and Rey could tell by the sudden quickening of Ben’s breath on her neck that he had realised exactly what effects his abstracted touches had provoked in her. His other hand slipped down under the waistband of her leggings to make absolutely sure.

“Oh hello!” he purred delightedly into her ear, and the deep vibration of his voice from his chest through her back, on top of the sensations brought about by his investigative fingers was too much for Rey. She leaned into him, happily giving herself over to his caresses, to his kisses buried into the now ludicrously sensitive skin of her neck, her shoulder. Wriggling her hips back to do some investigating of her own.

“Oh hello to you too,” she giggled triumphantly as she encountered a firmness that hadn’t been there before.

“That’s my lightsaber,” said Ben severely, and then added when she giggled again; “No, not _that_ lightsaber.”

Rey turned her head quickly in sudden doubt, and her perplexed frown was dispelled by a short little laugh from him.

“No it isn’t!” she giggled.

“No, it isn’t,” agreed Ben, and the way he said that caused Rey’s giggles to catch in her throat.

This time there was no hesitation. Both of them knew what they wanted. What they both wanted. And how to get and give that to the other. Even if they were both so surprised by such a sudden transition from lazy snuggles to a lustful emergency that disrobing entirely seemed much too arduous a task. Both much too desperate to get to that satisfaction they craved as quickly as humanly possible.

In a matter of moments Ben had ripped open his fastenings and slung an arm around Rey’s waist to scoop her up off his lap. For only as much time as was necessary to tug her leggings briskly down to her knees.

And that sight of Rey suddenly exposed like that was so electrifying, Ben couldn’t pause for all the time it would take to turn her around, pulling her back into his chest to kiss her cheek. They both gasped, that sudden feel of his heat trapped between her thighs so exciting they stopped short. And then Rey shifted her knees apart, springing him free to smack up against her.

“Oh!” said Ben and Rey, struck by the same cunning notion.

Or at least Rey hoped Ben was.

“Ben!” she whispered, clasping his arm around her waist, squishing her thighs together to clutch him tighter.

No more encouragement was needed. Ben scrambled his legs underneath him and shuffled his knees through hers. Gripping her hip to ease her down, his arm holding her in place.

This time it was easier. _Much_ easier. Ben's breath left him in a giddy rush as Rey slipped right over his want for her in one shocking smooth slide. That want not leaving her for one moment as he rose them both up to prop them onto their knees.

Rey’s eyes shot open, her hands dropping down to grip handfuls of blankets as he began to move. Simultaneously elated and flustered by this novel position as Ben rocked into her. So strange not to see Ben, just feel him. But an exciting strange. Because it was Ben.

“This is what I wanted to do in the throne room,” whispered Ben, rendered disgracefully honest from that sudden rush of blood from his head to that other place it was needed. “When I was kneeling behind you.”

Rey whimpered, heady visions of Kylo Ren suddenly burying himself inside her on that shiny black floor made infinitely more thrilling by that feel of his bare skin smacking against hers, that breath-snatching feel of him diving so deep inside. Those visions scattering when his fingers crept around her thigh to resume their tantalising strokes. More purposeful now, like his thrusts from behind, picking up in speed and urgency.

“Ben!” she breathed.

So gloriously full of him she couldn’t think. The intensity of those shocks of pleasure from every thrust clutching her entire body. Those relentlessly busy magical fingers weaving electric sparks through her soul.

Sparks that fizzed and exploded in her head, taking her so much by surprise Rey was engulfed by them, collapsing face first into the bunk in increasingly dizzying bursts of pleasure.

Ben rocketed his hips forward, too consumed by the sight before him, too overpowered by Rey’s abandoned moans of euphoria.

He couldn’t believe it. He had brought her to this already! This was such _heaven._ This incredible feel of tight muscles clenching repeatedly around him, that excitingly rude sound of loud slick slaps of skin on skin.

And as intoxicated by all of this as he was, Ben was now able to endure it for longer than before. Enjoy these blissful sensations to the full. Excite Rey into further helpless raptures, her lovely face shifted sideways to catch her sobbing breath. Contorted in the most gratifyingly gorgeous spasms of bliss.

So gorgeous, Ben couldn’t bear to be this far away from that lovely face. He crouched over so he could lean forward to kiss her cheek, the side of her mouth. Devour the satiny skin of her neck, taste her sweat on his tongue.

How lovely it felt to worship Rey with his mouth, feel how much she wanted him on his fingers. To delve into that wet warmth, deeper and faster, until his breath was tearing from him in low animal noises.

Almost too lovely for Rey, who was beginning to feel more than a little desperate, so overcome by his kisses, his breath hot and rasping in her ear. Those _sounds_ he was making! So swamped by those surges of pleasure she was weak with it, skidded inexorably further and further up the bunk with every thrust. She wriggled her hands up, slamming them against the padded wall to anchor herself.

Which was such a good idea. Probably the best idea anyone had ever had since the beginning of time. So good. Much, much too good.

Ben’s eyes shut tight, his pounding lunges into Rey’s braced body elevating him into a state of such elation his breath stuttered, his own movements stalling. Wanting to stay here forever, pushed so deep inside, filling Rey up completely. But Rey’s jangled brain and over-flooded senses released themselves in a cry so frantic beneath him, he couldn’t.

He pulled back, falling on top of her, scuffling his knees either side of hers. Grabbing at her thighs to squeeze them together so he could feel her around him as delirious thrust after thrust brought about his own release, burying his moans of delight into her rucked-up cape.

Until Rey’s trembling knees that had served her so well and steadfastly throughout, finally gave way and she collapsed into the bunk taking Ben with her.

It took a little time for either of them to move at all, both so dazed from that unprecedented outburst of such a hasty onset of emotion, some time was needed to recover. Things like remembering how to breathe properly and think properly need time after such an event.

“Wow,” was still all Rey’s stunned brain could offer even after that time had passed. The heartfelt profundity of that little word indistinctly uttered into a blanket.

Ben’s shaky laugh answered her as he crawled slightly to the side, so they could turn their faces towards each other. She was smiling too, inching her weary head forward to kiss him.

“You are _amazing,”_ she whispered, loving how his eyebrows twitched over suddenly defenceless eyes. “That _feeling!_ It just kept happening! And happening, and happening!"

_“You’re_ amazing,” he groaned, sliding off her so he could wrap an arm around her to twist her around. “But I missed you. You were too far away. I missed your arms around me.”

That deserved the biggest kiss.

“You are too cute for words,” said Rey wholeheartedly, wrapping her arms around him. 

Ben wasn't sure of that. There was a prudish part of him that was still a little shocked by what they had done. 

"You don't think that was depraved, then?" he ventured tentatively. "What we did?"

"Depraved?" echoed Rey, surprised.

"Finn said he thought I would be depraved. In bed."

"What?!" Rey's brows snapped down. 

"It's okay," he reassured her quickly. "He doesn't anymore. And I told him I wasn't. Unless that was."

_"No!"_ said Rey definitely. And then added with a confiding blush. "Animals do it like that. I've _seen_ it. And I don't think it's possible for animals to be depraved."

Ben hadn't thought he could love Rey more, but it turned out he could. He kissed her all over her pink little face. 

Rey kissed him back with equal enthusiasm and then subsided with a sigh to stare at his face, to absorb all of its beauty. Ben Solo had the nicest nose of any nose. Of that she was sure.

"Do you think anyone else feels like this?" she asked, wanting him to say no. And then felt slightly guilty about that, because everyone should know how this felt.

"No," said Ben. 

"I think you must be the best at all that stuff," said Rey with all of the assurance of one completely enamoured. "You must be, because if everyone was that good nobody would ever do anything but that."

It turned out Ben could love Rey even more. He was _crushed_ with it. Even if he was pretty sure that what she said couldn't possibly be true. But that didn't matter. Not when Rey only wanted him.

"I think it's both of us, together," he compromised. "Because you are the only person I would ever want to do that with." That much was true.

Rey smiled from ear to ear. "Really? But I still think you must be better than Poe, because Kaydel does those things with him and I don't think she loves him. I couldn't _not_ love you after that."

Ben was slightly ashamed by how much that pleased him, enough to generously forbear making any comment on the inferior prowess of the best pilot in the Resistance. He hugged her instead, hiding his inflated pride in her hair. And Rey was more than happy to stop thinking about anybody but him and hug him back, burrowing her knee through his to snuggle closer. And then was a little shocked to hear an “Oh _yuck!”_ from Ben overhead.

Because Ben had realised what that slimy wetness was on Rey’s thigh.

She giggled, looking up at his fastidiously scrunched up face.

“You _did_ it!” she said unapologetically, rubbing her thigh over his mischievously.

“Rey!” scolded Ben. He flipped her nose. “Next time I’ll aim for this.”

“Can you do that?” said Rey with interest and Ben had to laugh.

“That was supposed to be disgusting,” he said. “It _was_ disgusting. I’m pretty sure it was Kylo Ren who said that.”

“Poor Kylo,” said kind-hearted Rey. “Am I as disgusting as he is for not thinking that was disgusting at all?”

“Yes,” said Ben. And then felt a little remorse, even though he was pretty sure Rey’s winsome melancholy look was nothing but a tactic to elicit that very emotion. Look at her, learning all of these new tricks, he thought with a glow of warmth. Very, very transparent tricks, but it was lovely that she was so relaxed around him to play them on him at all.

“But I’m more disgusting for saying it,” he said, playing along happily.

“We’re both disgusting,” Rey grinned, rather pleased. Her smile became a little more speculative. “Next time you should try to see if you can do it though.”

“You are absolutely disgustingly adorable,” said Ben, hugging her to him fiercely, slimy thighs and all. And just the littlest smidge excited at the prospect of aiming for Rey’s nose.

Rey shifted back to look at him.

“Look at you with your flower behind your ear," she whispered, awash with the nicest purest feeling. "You are so, so beautiful. I love you so very, very much.”

She kissed the bridge of his noble nose and Ben had to gulp very quickly. But he couldn't stop tears from jumping into his eyes. 

“I love you,” he whispered back huskily, and she kissed him again, full on his big soft lips. 

And Rey made the easiest promise she had ever made. Because she couldn’t even imagine anything else.

“I’ll love you forever and ever.”

If anyone else had made him this promise Ben might not have been so sure. But this was Rey. The strongest, truest person he had ever met. Ben kissed her back, his happiness making him kind. Unselfish even.

Letting poor unhappy Kylo Ren share in the depth of that fierce love. Letting him find the peace he had searched for his whole life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I don’t have a whole lot of notes for what was pretty much a plotless bundle of fluff and boinking! But I did want the dyad’s first time to be kind of magical and momentous (despite the initial fumbles) in some way, hence the disturbance of the Force that everyone noticed at the castle. So a teeeeny bit of plot!
> 
> And the "we're on fire" thought of Rey's relates back to that prophetic dream of Ben's scars burning gold, hinting at his redemption and colour of his crystal. I know that's probably obvious, but I'm aware most people are probably reading this in instalments so it would be easy to forget it! Oh and the Force's wedding bed of flowers echoes back to the white flower in Kylo's dream.
> 
> This climax to Ben and Rey’s adventures to date was a long time coming (excuse the puns) so I hope it was worth the wait! Please, please be kind if it wasn’t because I’m cringing a whole body-cringe here before I press post! This is the most nervous I’ve been about the reception of any chapter so far, I'm now absolutely fully empathetic to Rey and Ben's nervousness about their first time!  
> Forgive me if this reads like kinda rudimentary sex physically, it’s supposed to! But I truly can’t imagine that their first attempts would be spectacularly choreographed virtuoso performances or last longer than a few minutes. They’ve both waited way too long to hold back, particularly poor Ben!
> 
> But unfortunately I can’t indulge solely in Rey and Kylo’s clumsy and regrettably precipitous sex forever as there is a pesky plot to be contended with, so expect the next chapter to take a more sinister turn. As well as more clumsy sexy times and cuteness of course! 
> 
> Thanks so much for the amazing Kudos and comments, particularly for the last few chapters! I'm blown away and I really do appreciate them so, so much!!! 💖💖💖


	38. The Return of the Sith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey enjoy some quality times on the Millennium Falcon, Rose and Finn share a tender moment, Rey is disturbed by a dream and receives some training, and Lando attempts to embarrass our dyad. Meanwhile, on Exegol, a dastardly plan begins to take shape and is set in motion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The most recent warnings apply – expect more accounts of a sexual nature, sometimes sweet, sometimes ridiculously silly, as Ben and Rey continue to rampage their way through this exciting new stage in their relationship! Along with a disturbing glimpse into Rey’s dream, some of which may or may not provide some clues for a future moment. *zips lips*

There is an old adage that has been repeated enough times to have become generally accepted as a universal truth. That nothing good can last forever. It is a sad and gloomy adage that is often wilfully and cheerfully ignored by those happy people who find themselves in the first throes of love. And hopefully dismissed by those well-wishers who wish for this happiness to continue.

But for some happy people, like those inhabitants of the Millennium Falcon who had experienced so little of happiness like this, fear of its loss was its constant companion. Lurking underneath, waiting to surface. It would be even more delightful to prove this old adage wrong in circumstances like these, to allow these happy people the luxury of enjoying this first love to the full.

Therefore it is singularly unkind that in this case it was true.

By the time an insatiable Ben and Rey had discovered that an escape pod really wasn’t suitable for Ben’s intended purposes, deep in the cold heart of Exegol, the Knights of Ren had gathered around a prone body that had been removed from its tank under the throne room. A naked form still glistening from the remaining vestiges of the gelatinous green coating that had nurtured it into being.

By the time Ben had chased a giggling Rey back to the sleeping quarters on the Falcon, mute hooded acolytes had already connected snaking transparent cables from the great metal apparatus overhead to Allegiant General Enric Pryde’s body. And to the sleeping figure beside it on the cold black table.

And just as Rey’s giggles subsided into little gasps of delight, the machine started to hiss, releasing crackling white sparks from Pryde’s body. Sparks that flickered up the tubes, and appeared again, brighter than before, to ignite the conduits feeding the other body below.

If one were to continue to parallel these two events, it would be kind to say that the transformation of the body on the cold black slab was a prolonged and lengthy process. But that wouldn’t be true. It was a mere matter of minutes before white embers began to flash under the pale skin, sending racking shudders through veins and tendons. Shudders that were echoed in Takodana, running through the warm bodies of Rey and Ben.

A fatalist might have even admired a poetic balance, a certain cruel symmetry in the moments that followed. Because as the last remnants of the monster in Ben Solo lay dying in Rey’s arms, far away across the galaxy, another rasped its first breaths.

Meanwhile, blissfully unaware of any of this, another pair of lovers on Takodana wandered out from the Tantive IV to sit under the stars.

Rose slipped her hand through Finn’s, smiling at the sight of a porg pecking through the grass for crumbs left behind from the abandoned market stalls. Hearing the sounds of the cantina drift into the night air, she was reminded of Ajan Kloss, when she and Rey had sat with Leia and Kaydel, drinking and chatting as if no war loomed on the horizon.

In a way, this felt just like that, as if nothing could touch them here in this lovely peaceful place. But in every other way, how different everything was from that night!

Leia had been right. Even in the midst of all the ugliness of war, good things could and should happen. Rose had wanted to believe that then, even though she hadn’t really expected it.

But then she couldn’t have possibly known that it would only be a matter of days before she and Finn could be so happy together. That Rey, once so lonely and disconnected, would find a soulmate in the most unlikely of people. Or that Kylo Ren would change so much he could deserve his mother’s forgiveness and become a trusted ally of the Resistance. She couldn’t have known then that she would have the privilege of witnessing what she suspected few before had seen at the Jedi temple.

Rose was brought out of her reverie by Finn pressing something into her hand. She looked down to see her golden medallion and then back up at him in consternation. 

“I gave this to you,” she protested. “You don’t have to give it back.”

“I know,” said Finn. “And I love you for it. But it’s your last link to Paige. I don’t want to take it from you. Besides…” He reached into the neck of his shirt to pull out a chain. “I have this.”

Rose took what hung from his neck in her hand. It was a medallion just like hers, or rather Paige’s. A companion to her own. But not fashioned from Haysian smelt. It was darker, like some sort of steel.

“Finn!” she breathed. “It’s beautiful. What’s it made of?”

“It’s the alloy that’s used under stormtrooper armour,” said Finn. “I got it when I returned to the First Order and one of Maz’s metalworkers made it up for me here.”

“Really?” said Rose.

Finn took her medallion from her lax grip to place it against his own.

“See? They fit perfectly. Just like us.”

He had to stop there, interrupted by Rose’s arms flinging around his neck to hug him. He kissed her shoulder and moved back a little to look into her eyes.

“I could have tried to source Haysian smelt, but I thought this was more appropriate. I’m not ashamed of my past any more. I’m proud of it now. What the stormtroopers have become. Besides, I can’t replace Paige and I don’t want to. But I do want to be here for you. Always.”

Rose smiled through her tears. “Me too. Always.”

_Rey is walking through the white curtain of the little stone house by the lake._

_It is dark, the only light inside cast by the silvery glimmer of the moon on the lake. But she knows this place and she can find her way by touch alone._

_There is the back of the chair Ben sits in to write and draw. Where sometimes she curls up on his lap to read. Here is that side of the bed, where, if Rey stretches, she can see into the mirror opposite to brush her hair. And here is the side of the bed where Ben takes off his boots. She kneels down, feeling underneath to find them._

_They aren’t there and Rey realises she knew they wouldn’t be. A lump swells in her throat and she stares blindly around her. He isn’t here._

_She shivers. There’s a chill coming in from the lake, like there always is on cloudless autumn nights. She stands up to close the door, but when she reaches it, she changes her mind._

_If Ben does come home, she doesn’t want him to find the door closed._

_Rey crawls onto the bed instead and finds a sweater slung over the pillow. It’s Ben’s, she knows by the size of it. By the feel of it. It’s his favourite. It’s her favourite. Worn and soft from too many washes. Too many cuddles._

_She pulls it on over her head, sliding her thumbs through the frayed holes in the cuffs, and scooches her toes underneath the bedclothes to keep them warm. She’s still cold, and she buries her face in her arms, breathing in the scent of the woven sweater. That should comfort her, but it doesn’t._

_She can’t smell Ben. It’s been too long and all traces of him are gone. Rey curls up on her side, watching the curtain flap and flutter in the breeze. She won’t let the ache in her heart break it. She won’t let the tears welling in her eyes fall. Rey has been practicing for this her entire life. She’s good at it._

_Ben loves her. He will come home, and until then she can wait._

Rey awoke in the dark with no Ben beside her.

A rush of fright, irrationally disproportionate to this circumstance, shot through her, and she sat up, staring about her as her eyes became accustomed to the darkness. Reaching out with a quivering thread of the Force until she touched that spark.

That beloved spark! So close by, it propelled her hastily out of the bunk with a thumping heart.

She snatched her cape up from the floor and slung it over her head, racing down the corridor to the main hold. To find Ben sitting hunched over the Dejarik table, his startled eyes shooting up to hers as her feet and heart skidded to a faltering stop.

“What happened?” he said, abandoning his task and standing up so suddenly his thighs ground rather painfully off the edge of the table.

And now Rey’s heart resumed its beat. She even felt a little silly, but her relief at finding him so quickly after that terrible moment brought tears stinging to her eyes.

“Nothing!” she said quickly as he lurched over to her. “You just weren’t there when I woke up.”

“Rey!” he breathed, folding her into his arms, feeling horribly guilty. And even guiltier when he felt the tenseness of her body against his relax into trembles. “You’re shaking! Rey!”

“No, no, it’s okay, it was stupid,” mumbled Rey, gratefully subsiding into his shoulder, her tremors eased by the substantial feel of his big warm body next to hers. So big, so warm, so _safe._ “I think I had a bad dream or something. I thought you were gone.”

That made Ben feel worse. “Oh no!” he said, hugging her tighter. “I’m here. I’ll always be here. I’m so sorry. I should have been there.”

“Why weren’t you?” she said, and then heard how dreadfully needy that sounded.

But Ben didn’t seem to mind that. “I woke up and couldn’t sleep. I wanted to do something to show you when you woke up.”

Rey surreptitiously dried her tears in his soft black tunic and looked up with a curious sniff to see him smile apprehensively at her.

“My lightsaber. I fixed it.”

“Oh!” said Rey.

“I should have waited,” said Ben remorsefully, kissing her. “I thought it would be a nice surprise.”

“No! It is,” said Rey, buoyed up by that kiss. She wanted more, but she also wanted to see the lightsaber Ben had been secretly toiling over as she slept. “Show me.”

Ben led her over to sit beside him on the seat. Rey frowned at the crossguard saber lying on the table. It looked the same as it ever had.

“I inserted the crystal, but I haven’t ignited it yet,” said Ben. “I’m not sure it’ll work properly like this. The hilt will probably have to be modified.”

“Try it,” she said, slinking under his arm.

She could feel a nervous spike run through him as he flicked the switch and then they both sat back suddenly as the main hold was bathed in glorious golden light.

There was no need to modify the hilt. Golden flames leapt from all three vents, not crackling like it had before, but still purring fiercely in raw throbs of energy. So different now, that energy more fluid, more effortless. As if it rejoiced so eagerly in its new life such an enthusiastic outpouring of exhilaration couldn’t be contained.

“It’s beautiful,” breathed Rey.

And as shocked and thrilled as Ben was at the result of his efforts, this rapturous little utterance from Rey tugged him back to the moment. In a way he was not proud of. Because he was shocked to realise he felt the tiniest twinge of jealousy. For a lightsaber.

“You like it?” he said, dampening down that ridiculous twinge.

“I do!” said Rey, turning the brightest eyes on him, amber now in the light of the saber.

And then he forgot that twinge completely and kissed her.

“Ben!” she giggled into his lips as a horrible scorching smell alerted her to his neglected saber fizzling through a plastoid tumbler of water sitting on the table.

“Kriff!”

Ben shut it off quickly and grabbed a drying towel off the back of the lounge seat to mop up the spreading pool before it slid off the table. Rey picked up the lightsaber to inspect it as he poured the rest of the contents from the ruined tumbler into the sink in the fresher.

“You didn’t really have to fix it, just put the stone back in,” she noted when he came back into the main hold. “It took me ages to fix the blue saber after we broke it.”

“I thought that was broken for good,” admitted Ben. “It was only when we started speaking again through the Force I realised you’d fixed it.” Adding darkly; “When you threatened me with it.”

“I _didn’t!”_ protested Rey. “I only threatened to threaten you with it.”

“That’s okay. I forgive you,” said Ben magnanimously. “How _did_ you fix it? The Jedi texts?”

“No,” said Rey with a frown. “I did it myself. It’s what I do. Or did. Before all of this. Fix things.”

“I know,” said Ben, and Rey’s heart began to beat a little faster at the look in his eyes. “You’re very good with your hands.”

Rey, surprised and gratified, was about to thank him for that kind compliment, when she realised what the intention behind that compliment actually was. And then she was about to say he was good with his hands too, but Ben was realising something else as one of those skilful hands slipped up her thigh under her cape.

“You’re naked under there!” he said in delight.

Rey clamped his wandering hand between her thighs.

“Yes, but I probably really need a fresher,” she said awkwardly.

“Me too,” said Ben, and then was struck by a dazzling notion. “We could have one together.”

Rey had to giggle at that, thinking of the cramped confines of the Falcon’s fresher.

“I’m not sure how that would work,” she said. “I don’t know how you even fit in there by yourself.”

Ben had to regretfully acknowledge the truth of that.

“Is there any point in having a fresher now if we’re just going to get sweaty again?” he reasoned with a cunning logic. “Wouldn’t it be better to have one after?”

“Maybe,” conceded Rey, her resolution as wavering as her knees as his fingers crept higher.

“Maybe?” said Ben hopefully and abandoned his quest, scrambling her onto his lap to face him instead. Rey giggled, flushing apprehensively as he gave her one last searing look before his head disappeared under her cape.

It _was_ a little musky under there, but that possessive part of Ben that liked how Rey smelled of his wash products discovered that he liked this a whole lot more. She smelled of him. Of _them._ And that had to be the nicest smell in the galaxy. Ben wanted to taste every bit of skin his mouth could reach under these restrictive conditions.

But Rey, enflamed by the greediness of his kisses, by the bizarrely erotic sight of her cape filled up by the bulk of a very large Ben, wanted to kiss him too. She squirmed her head down through the neck to see his eyes shining up at her in the darkness.

“Hey,” she said. “Can I join you?”

A little laugh shook him. “Yes, please.”

It was lovely kissing under the soft warmth of their little tent. Even lovelier when his fingers slipped between her thighs. Even lovelier when he gave in to the demands of her scrabbling hand and speedily unfastened his trousers for her to touch him.

Ben was unable to contain that tiny jealous twinge now that Rey was touching him like this. And it was so dark in here she wouldn’t be able to see him anyway.

“Is this still Lightsaber Number One?” he whispered.

Rey’s hand stalled for a moment before she realised what he meant by that.

“Yes!” she giggled. “Of course it is! It’s the most beautiful lightsaber I have ever seen!”

And Ben liked that. He liked that so very much. As did Lightsaber Number One. A little too much.

“Don’t get too good with your hands,” muttered Ben hastily, thoroughly overexcited by all of these escalating fumbles in their dark warm cocoon.

Rey had never been one for wastefulness. She slung her arms around his neck and scooched her knees forward before easing down over him. Muffling his moan of delight in her kisses.

And this was gorgeous. Amazing! In this place where nothing else existed but gasps and sighs. The sloppy sound of urgent kisses, urgent thrusts of hips and the slightly feral scent of them both in this small enclosed space. Clinging to each other in rapture at the feel of each other’s warm skin against their own, that feel of reckless abandonment growing with every rocking movement.

So amazing, every last residue of Rey’s fright that morning was chased away. Ben was here, right here, holding her, inside her, all around her. Soft and hard and warm and huge and perfect. Perfect, perfect, _perfect._

She whimpered into the side of his mouth, flooded with the glee of it all, the joy of it all. Only barely conscious of Ben jolting erratically beneath her. Made more conscious of it by his sharp intake of breath. By his hands lifting her off him so suddenly her own breath whooshed out as she was planted down on his trembling lap.

“My nose!” remembered Rey suddenly.

Which was altogether much too exciting for Ben. His hand clamped over her little one around him in a frantic attempt to make that ridiculous fantasy a reality, and that sensation blanked out his mind completely.

When he could think again, their hands had relaxed and Rey’s head was buried in his shoulder.

“You missed,” she said and they both giggled, a little breathlessly.

A little too breathlessly. Until Rey tugged her cape off to let them both gasp great gulps of air into their grateful lungs.

It was unfortunate that the dyad’s recent activities on the Millennium Falcon had become increasingly disturbing to its other occupants. The expectant father of the eggs in the passageway had entered the main hold some time earlier, swooping above the boisterous grey tent on the lounge seat with discreetly concerned cries.

The sudden reveal of a panting Rey and Ben proved too startling for its uneasy constitution, and Ben was horrified to find himself the unhappy beneficiary of the consequences that ensued.

“Ben!” spluttered Rey, with an admirable attempt to clamp her giggles behind her teeth on seeing Ben’s dawning outrage as he craned his neck to look at his despoiled shoulder.

“I heard on Ajan Kloss that’s supposed to mean good luck,” she ventured optimistically.

“Not for him,” said a baleful Ben. “You should have let me eat him.”

Rey considerately refrained from arguing with him on this occasion, clambering off his lap. She leaned over to kiss his furrowed brow.

“You can have the fresher first,” she said graciously instead.

As all of this was happening, a new day dawned over Takodana, bringing with it enough transmissions from distant systems to keep the communications department of the Resistance busy all morning. Leia had been up early, tirelessly overseeing communiques sent to and fro, until finally she succumbed to Lando’s entreaties for her to take a break.

“Larma can take over for a while. She knows what to do,” said Lando, as Larma D’Acy nodded vigorously behind him. “The key to not wearing yourself out, Leia, is delegation.”

“I’m not wearing myself out. I’ve never felt better,” retorted Leia. “Finally, the galaxy is listening. There’ll be more troops than we can handle pouring in here by the end of the day at this rate.”

“That’s great,” acknowledged Lando. “But you still need to eat breakfast.”

In the end, she was glad she let herself be persuaded, as it just so happened that her visit to the cantina coincided with her son’s. Clutching Rey’s hand as he walked in, looking handsome and happy if a little tousled and weary in his new blue tunic. Rey was beaming from ear to ear, her determined little chin suspiciously pink and scrubbed-looking. Leia bit back a grin as she waved at them. And then her heart thumped as Ben’s eyes turned to meet hers.

There was a look on his face she hadn’t seen since the reveal of the baby Ewok hidden under his bunk in the Millennium Falcon. But this time he didn’t have to ask her permission to keep his guilty little secret. And she wouldn’t have to say no.

“You don’t have to say,” she said as they approached. “I know what happened.” She saw them exchange appalled looks and hastened to elaborate. “The lightsaber. You healed the crystal.”

“Yes!” said Ben, too loud in his relief. “Yes, I did!”

Leia pulled him down for a hug and he patted her back awkwardly until he was released. Rey hung back, hovering behind him until it was her turn to be clasped to Leia’s bosom.

“You good darling girl,” whispered Leia before letting her go, and fondly patting her blushing cheek. “I hope you two have been celebrating. You deserve it.”

Rey didn’t quite know how to reply to that, flashing an apprehensive look at Ben. _I’ve just seen your son naked_ was probably not the cleverest response, but it seemed to be the only sentence offering itself repeatedly as an option from her jangled infatuated brain. Her fingers, running self-consciously through her ruffled hair to smooth it, got tangled in a knot and her eyes widened, her cheeks flushing pinker. Too mortified to meet Ben’s mother’s eyes. Because she had just discovered that Ben hadn’t completely missed his mark that morning after all.

“You hear that thunder last night?” asked Lando with a puckish grin. He saw Rey and Kylo frown at him confusedly. “Or maybe it was an earthquake. Just at sunset?”

“Leave them alone, Lando,” admonished Leia, smacking his arm. “Would you two like something to eat? Lando can order for you.”

“No, no,” said Ben hurriedly. “I can do that.”

“Me too!” squeaked Rey, chasing after him.

It was busy in the dining hall, and even though the throng at the bar was inclined to melt aside to let the Supreme Leader and the last Jedi place their orders, they shook their heads, feeling no immediate desire to return to Leia’s table.

“They know!” hissed Rey, on tiptoes to reach the vicinity of Ben’s burning ear.

“I got that,” he whispered back.

It was embarrassing. He was embarrassed. But that emotion was taking a definite second place to pride. And happiness. And these much nicer feelings far outstripped any last vestiges of embarrassment as he gazed down at her, until they were completely forgotten.

This was actually real. He had made love to Rey. Four times. Three times last night and once again this morning. There was absolutely no shame in that. He didn’t even care that a big goofy smile had spread over his hot face.

“I don’t care,” he said.

“Me, neither,” said Rey, aware that she was grinning like an idiot, but she couldn’t stop.

She barely noticed that she was being buffeted by the crowd surrounding them, until Ben’s arm slid unobtrusively around her, barricading her against the general melee. They smiled into each other’s eyes, shuffling forward intermittently, oblivious to everything until Ben’s elbow was jogged by the wooden edge of the bar.

He tore his gaze away to glance over the fare on offer. “What would you like?”

“You,” whispered Rey, her eyes meeting his so mischievously his heart flipped.

She was so absurdly endearing he couldn’t bear it. Ben grinned back delightedly until the repeated question of the harried barman brought him crashing back to the present. And then gathered himself enough to point randomly at various dishes.

Rey felt his hand sliding down to settle on her waist and was perfectly, ridiculously happy. She raised her hand to clutch the bottom of his tunic and he tightened his grip, pulling her against him as the barman left to plate up their orders.

Ben looked down to see her nestled into him and fought the urge to kiss her lovely upturned face.

“You’re beautiful,” he settled with.

“ _You’re_ beautiful,” she said fervently, and he rubbed her side in a frenzy of impotent desire.

“I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do this,” he confided, leaning in to speak as quietly as he could. “I can’t stop thinking about everything we did.”

Rey squirmed in glee. “I’m the same.”

He smiled back at her, still not convinced by the idea that she could possibly be as affected by those recent miraculous developments as he was.

“I can’t believe how nervous I was about it,” she whispered confidingly, moving in closer. “I was so sure you wouldn’t fit. You know, in _there_.”

“Really?” Ben stared at her, so glad she hadn’t told him that before.

That was a circumstance that hadn’t even crossed his mind. At least until that momentary doubt had assailed him the first time by the lake. But the thought that it might not have been possible at all would have certainly piled yet another concern on top of the ones he had already had.

And then he was roused by the barman proffering their platter and had to reluctantly release Rey to receive it.

Lando was a little disappointed that Rey and Ben had apparently become impervious to any of his pointed remarks when they returned. Apart from turning charmingly pink, Rey applied herself hungrily to her food, and Ben seemed to have recovered some of his poise, even throwing him a frosty look down his nose on occasion. Lando chuckled at that, particularly when one of those snooty austere glances was interrupted by Chewie lumbering in and looping furry arms around his neck.

“Yeah, yeah,” choked Ben, remembering Rey’s story about the fate of Unkar Plutt’s arm and tapped Chewie’s paw for release. “I know.”

Chewie yowled and let him go, slumping down beside him on the bench. The conversation after that centred around the anticipated arrivals of new allies, and Rey listened, suddenly torn by how she was feeling. It was good that the Resistance was receiving so much support, of course it was. But all of this talk was making their situation begin to feel very real. Horribly real.

Over the past couple of days, she had been so consumed with thinking about Ben, the Jedi and Ben again, that the war ahead had sort of faded into the background of her mind. But now, all she could think about was what would happen when they had finally gathered enough troops and ships to pose a threat to the Final Order. When she would have to leave Takodana behind and go to Exegol.

And finally face Palpatine.

She reached for Ben under the table, her grip on his thigh sufficiently painfully constricting enough for him to drop his hand over hers and take it in his. His brows drew together as he saw her glance anxiously up at him.

“What is it?” he murmured. Rey clamped her lips together mutely and his clasp tightened around her hand. “Rey, what?”

“I’m not ready for this,” she said in a panicked rush. “Palpatine.”

Ben frowned, releasing her hand to slip his arm around her.

“I know. I’m not either. But we’ll be together.”

Rey stared at him. He didn’t understand. “I’m not ready. To fight. You are.”

“Yes, you are,” he said comfortingly.

She sat back, pulling away. “No! I’m _not_. On the Death Star you could have beaten me. You didn’t, but you could have.”

“You weren’t yourself. You were being pulled by the Dark Side,” he said. “Besides, I didn’t _want_ to beat you.”

“But that’s just it!” hissed Rey. “ _They_ will. Palpatine will. I have to be ready.”

“Do you want to train?” Ben bit frowningly at the underside of his lip. “We can do that. You’ll be fine. You just have to remember what Luke taught you.”

“Luke never trained me,” said Rey despairingly. “Not like that. He didn’t train me how to fight.”

Ben stared at her, feeling a nasty giddy surge of nausea. Rey had come to him on the Supremacy, untrained but ready to fight. For him. He couldn’t quite believe it.

But deep down, he realised he could. Because now some aspects of Rey’s combat began to make sense. The wildness of her attacks. That lack of restraint. How that lack of restraint left her so vulnerable to retaliation.

How could he have not realised this long before? How had he not _known_ this? He had recognised his own style in hers, gleaned from him when she had invaded his mind so unexpectedly on Starkiller Base. And he had stupidly assumed that alongside those techniques, she had somehow managed to gain his years of experience with them.

Ben’s stomach plummeted, a panic of his own rising inside him. What if this blindness on his part was the factor that would lead to Rey lying cold and lifeless in that rocky desolate place? He shouldn’t have spent all of this time with her pursuing his own selfish needs. He should have been preparing her, making her ready for what lay ahead. He should have been trying to save that life that was just as precious to him as it was to her. If not more.

He saw Rey’s eyes scanning his worriedly and curled his arm around her tighter. Rey was strong. She was clever. She was talented. And most importantly, she was quick. And there was still time and he wouldn’t waste another moment of it.

Ben got up, reaching down to take her clammy little hand in his.

“Where are you two off to?” quizzed Lando with a roguish twinkle.

“We’re going to train,” said Ben shortly.

Lando raised his eyebrows. “Sure.”

“We _are_.” Ben scowled at him, turning on his heel and left, Rey scuttling apologetically after him.

Lando shook his head at Leia. “Kids these days. Seriously, I don’t get them. At all.”

Ben’s fears began to dissipate a little as the afternoon wore on.

Rey _was_ clever. She was strong. And talented. And _quick_. Ben sidestepped a particularly speedy lunge and scrambled to safety, a surprised laugh breaking from him as he saw her thwarted expression.

“Do you _want_ to kill me?” he panted.

“No!” said Rey, chastened. “I just want to hit you.”

“Same thing if that had struck home,” observed Ben, shutting off his lightsaber for a brief truce. “How are you feeling now?”

“Better,” said Rey, wiping her heated brow on her arm binding. She regarded him beadily. “Are you going easy on me?”

“No,” said Ben honestly.

As difficult as it was (and it was very difficult) to mount a series of assaults on the girl he loved, he had been much too concerned about her future safety to hold back. And Rey was getting a lot, lot better at defending herself and using his attacks to counter them with ones of her own. He smiled at her, plucking at his too-tight tunic to let air circulate over hot skin.

“You’re just getting too good at anticipating me.”

“Do you think that’s because of the dyad though?” said Rey. “What if it’s different when I’m fighting someone else?”

“No, we weren’t using the Force,” said Ben. “But maybe we should. When we fought together before on the Supremacy and again on Jakku, I opened myself up to the Force, like you did. I could sense you, feel how you were feeling. I could almost predict your movements.”

Rey nodded. “Me too.”

“We’ll be together on Exegol. Do you want to try?”

“We could use the combat remote on the Falcon,” remembered Rey. “I trained with it on Ajan Kloss.”

Ben’s smile tightened. “That was my father’s. For practicing his quick-draw skills. He said he could beat it every time.”

“Could he?” said Rey in awe.

“Nope.”

And then Rey had to giggle and Ben had to grin.

Training alongside Ben was so much nicer than fighting against him. Fighting against him had brought up disturbing recollections of their previous confrontations, and other sensations Rey imagined had their origins in those dreams she could never fully remember. It had all felt a little too real, that all too familiar grim resolve in his eyes sending jolts of alarm through her stomach.

But this felt right, standing beside him, letting him flow through her, letting herself flow through him. Moving seamlessly together to battle the flitting droid, dodging and repelling zapping sting beams. Especially now that he had slid up his sleeves to expose strong lightly browned forearms.

Although maybe she was a little too eager to defend him.

“You got to let me get some of them,” grumbled Ben, shoved out of the way yet again by a protective Rey.

“Sorry!” yelped Rey, and her quick apologetic grin distracted him so much he was struck in the stomach.

“Ouch!”

Rey hurtled forward, smacking the droid into the grass at her feet. It swivelled, disoriented and she reached down to switch it off. She turned, grimacing.

“I’m sorry!”

Ben laughed, unfastening his singed tunic to rub a red patch blossoming over his ribs. The sting was fading, now no more than a burning itch under the skin.

“Let me fix it,” she said remorsefully, dropping her saber to wriggle her hand under his.

“Rey! It’s nothing!” protested Ben, but Rey was determined. Nothing could be allowed hurt Ben again.

She closed her eyes, calming her flurried breath, calming her flurried mind.

And Ben looked down at her, his heart thumping more from emotion than exercise as he let his hand drop. Rey, who minutes before had been doggedly trying to strike him, was now just as doggedly trying to mend him. She really was the oddest, fiercest, loveliest creature. And now her pure white light was washing over him, soaking through his skin, seeping through his soul.

“There!” she said, her eyes opening to meet his. “Is that better?”

Of course it was. Ben pulled her into his arms to kiss her, too greedy to absorb more of that light to care about what that might look like. Perhaps he should have, because this sudden embrace did attract the startled attention of a number of pilots and technicians milling about in the proximity of the Falcon.

Rey was as similarly affected as Ben, the feel of his strong arms around her making her pleasantly dizzy in the aftermath of healing his wound. His hot sweaty skin under her palm excitingly slick, his searching mouth deliciously demanding and eager.

“The Falcon!” she gasped in a moment of lucidity, encountering the surprised eye of a technician over his shoulder. And then was dragged bodily up the ramp into the glorious privacy of the Millennium Falcon.

Once inside the door of the sleeping quarters, they disengaged for long enough to kick themselves out of their boots. Ben gave her a determined kiss before settling them on the nearest bunk to focus his attention on unravelling Rey from her clothing. He hit a snag straight away as he tugged at the wrap that swathed her shoulders and ran down underneath her belt.

“I don’t know how this thing works,” he muttered desperately, and she had to forgo her own attempts to pull off his tunic to tussle with her belt before the offending wrap could be cast aside. And somewhere underneath her desire, Rey was beginning to be conscious of a vague sense of doom.

The melting clothes quandary was finally upon her.

Even getting Ben out of his clothes was somehow just as frustratingly difficult a task for her as he was finding hers. The last of his tunic straps obstinately refused to come undone despite her best efforts. Ben seemed to have more elbows than usual, and he was much too tall for the reach of her arms even when kneeling.

She hauled the tunic up over his head, dragging it back painfully over his nose and pinning his arms behind his back. Ben teetered off balance as she leaned in to distract him from her ineptitude with a kiss, slowly toppling back onto the bed like a great felled tree, his forearms twisted behind him.

“I’ll do it,” he said, lunging up to yank his sleeves over his wrists. His head smacked off her forehead and he stared at her, appalled. “I’m so sorry! Are you alright?”

“Yes! Yes, I’m okay!” said Rey, concussed but unwavering.

Her fingers moved to undo his trousers and he lifted his hips so she could drag them down over his legs. Alas, hot leather and hot sweaty skin are not easily parted, and Rey was as red in the face from her struggles as Ben was by the time she was finished. Still heroically determined not to ruin whatever was left of the moment, Rey kneeled up to let him pull down her leggings, carefully raising one leg at a time so he could slip them over her knees. On the second attempt her knee ground back down on his thigh and he yelped involuntarily.

“Sorry!” said Rey in consternation, sitting down to scoot her entangled legs forward.

“No, no, it’s fine.”

Ben shook his head quickly, gripping her calf to tug her leggings over her ankle. She kicked her other leg to free herself and scrambled up to kiss him, desperate to make up for lost time, desperate to repair the damage they had both managed to do to each other.

He wrapped his arms around her, rearing up to pull her under him and rolled them both off the narrow bunk with a jarring thud.

There was a brief stunned moment as they lay side by side, breathless from the impact of backs hitting a hard floor with considerable force.

Ben eventually found his voice. “What’s happening?”

Rey felt a tremor of laughter run through her at his ominous tone of foreboding.

“The Force is trying to tell us something,” she said, not entirely sure if she was joking as he turned his head to look at her. “We should be practicing fighting.”

Ben scrabbled around to find her hand and gripped it tightly.

“Don’t say that.”

“Okay.” She squirmed her hand out of his to hook her finger into the top of his shorts and gave it a suggestive little tug.

Ben’s eyes widened hopefully, even though the shock of his sudden plummet to the ground had temporarily knocked some of his ardour from him.

“You still want to -”

“Yes!” snorted Rey in surprise. “Though we should probably give each other some space to get rid of the rest of these things.”

She rolled away from him, before squirming out of her vest and underwear. Ben watched her manoeuvres, his desire flooding back with renewed energy.

“Hurry up!” she urged, scrambling up to scurry under the covers of the bunk, flushed with a heady mixture of excitement and embarrassment at being observed so raptly.

Ben started, recalling the mission at hand, and quickly shuffled out of his shorts as Rey propped herself up on her elbow, watching him hungrily from the safety of the bunk.

“You are ridiculously beautiful,” she groaned as he clambered in beside her, desperate to feel her skin against his.

“ _You_ are,” he said devoutly, dragging her over him, his knees nudging hers aside to wriggle his way between her legs.

Rey twisted her fingers into his hair, kissing him with enthusiasm, too thoroughly overexcited at this point to put up with any precursory niceties.

And Ben had no issues with that as she sidled into position over him. A languorous build-up of tension that would be so enjoyable any other time was completely unnecessary now. There was no time to waste. Luck had been too capricious on this occasion for them to take any liberties with it. But even though he was getting increasingly impatient to make her his completely, Ben needed her to be absolutely sure of something first.

“I love you,” he whispered.

Rey leaned back to open her eyes, and a deep thrill ran through him at the feverish longing he saw there.

“I love _you!”_ she breathed, placing her hands on his chest to steady herself.

And then Ben pushed himself forward, unable to hold back any longer.

The only girl he had ever loved, loved him. And much as he wanted to close his eyes to lose himself in the sensation of becoming one with her, he wanted to see her more. His hand rose to cup Rey’s face and she arched her slender neck, nestling her cheek into his palm. Clenching her eyes shut as he pitched gently up into her. Catching her breath, biting down on her lip as she eased herself down around him. Inch by inch.

Ben could not imagine a more erotic sight in the entire galaxy.

“Rey!” he said in a low shaken voice and she lunged forward to kiss him fiercely, stunned by how electrifying it was to hear her name when they were connected together like this.

“Ben!” she whispered, wanting him to feel the same.

She thought perhaps he did. His dark eyes so wide and vulnerable, his full lips pressed tightly together as he moved slowly beneath her. As if he wanted to take his time now that they were finally safely entwined. Savour every moment, every long, measured roll of his hips into her. His big hands lifting her up so effortlessly to bring her back down to meet his arch upwards. His every motion shocking Rey into a more elevated state of pleasure.

She wanted to live like this forever, matching his rhythm, feeling the precious beat of his heart under her hand.

That rhythm stepped up.

Because Ben’s view from this angle was much, much too exciting. How could he hold back when Rey’s freckled cheeks were so prettily flushed? When one glance downwards showed him exactly what he was doing to her?

He slid his eyes up, away from that much too breath-taking sight. Swooping up to sink kisses into those sweet soft breasts brushing his face, delighting in her little sobs of pleasure as his devout lips and tongue drew their softness into thrilled hard little peaks.

But nothing good can last forever.

Rey’s sighs above him were making Ben lightheaded, overwhelmed, too overwhelmed to control his movements any longer. Rey yelped, her hands running up to twine around his neck, almost bounced off his lap by a particularly reckless thrust of excitement.

Ben raised himself up to capture her lips with his, fingers spreading to hold her hips tightly in place, forcing himself to slow down. But this felt just as good. Better. These slow short thrusts so deep, deep inside. While she was kissing him, while he was kissing her. So, so very, very good.

“I love you,” he gasped, and Rey collapsed against him in a frenzy of delight.

Hearing her name while they had been joined together like this had been beautiful enough. But this! This was incredible.

She ground down over him, kissing him frantically until she felt a surge of ecstasy overtaking her, leaving her gasping and helpless in its wake.

“I love you!” she sobbed, and she heard him groan into her ear as he picked up speed again, holding her limp body tight as he rocked up into her. Dragging his hands down her back to grip her hips, to slam her down over him until she was nothing but need.

Until Ben was totally utterly mindless with need.

But not _that_ mindless.

“Rey!” he cried into her hair and scooted her up his stomach, clinging to her as his excitement climaxed into shudders and moans of pleasure. And then they rocked back against each other, kissing faces, necks, hair in blissful gratitude.

It was all so lovely, feeling each other’s breath slow and ease, the sweat cool on their skin.

But Ben’s conscience smote him as Rey finally leaned back to look at him. He smoothed back her hair to touch a pink bloom on the side of her forehead with a tentative finger.

“Did I do this?”

She turned a slightly confused look on him. “What is it?”

“I did! It’s a bruise. From me. Cracking my head off yours.” He kissed the mark in remorse. “I’m so sorry. I keep doing this to you.”

“That’s okay, I did cause you to get zapped,” said Rey, giggling at his wide stricken eyes. Those repentant porg eyes. With a point of pink over his eyebrow where his scar had been. “Besides, you’ve got one too.”

“I deserve it for hurting you. Let me fix yours,” said Ben.

“No,” said Rey, staying his hand and climbing off him to lie on her back by his side. “That’s an injury I’d kind of like to remember. Besides, I can’t even feel it.”

“How very romantic of you.” Ben turned to kiss her, his fingers trailing over her stomach. It emitted a low gurgle, making them both laugh.

“Not so romantic,” said Rey contritely. “Although I am hungry. It must be all the training.” She slid a sly hand over his thigh. “And the other stuff.”

“Me too,” realised Ben. “Do you want to get something in the cantina? With any luck Lando will be gone by now.”

Rey laughed, all white teeth and crinkling eyes and Ben wondered if there was something wrong with him. Was it normal to want somebody again so soon? Was it normal to want someone over and over all the time? He suspected it wasn’t. But then not everyone had a Rey. Ben was ashamed to admit, even to himself, that all he wanted was to lock her away with him forever.

His eyes slid away from hers, apparently absorbed in watching his hand curving around her waist, dipping down to slide a caressing thumb into the hollow of her hip.

Rey closed her eyes involuntarily at the shivery pleasure of his touch and twisted around to gather him to her. She kissed him, and Ben responded eagerly, slinging an arm and leg over her to pull her closer.

“We don’t have to go just yet, do we?” she murmured into his lips, any interest in food dissolving as he shook his head, and she reached down to see if she could coax him back to her. There was no need.

Maybe somehow, they both knew they should enjoy these last moments. As if they had known that at that very moment, everything was about to change.

After all, it is well known that nothing good can last forever.

Leia had joined Maz and Lando on his ship to discuss where to station the incoming troops when Poe bustled through the door to plant his hands on the table between them, panting.

“We’ve just received a transmission,” he said. “You need to hear it.”

Leia’s stomach sank at the look on his face. “What is it?”

“Palpatine.” Poe caught his breath. “His forces are ready. He’s waiting on Exegol. He knows we have the holocron. If we don’t go to him, he’s coming for us.”

“Here?” said Lando sharply.

Poe shook his head. “No. The galaxy. He plans to pick us off, planet by planet. System by system.”

Leia stood up, even though her knees suddenly didn’t feel as if they belonged to her.

“How much time do we have? When do we have to go?”

Poe straightened up to look her in the eye.

“Now. There is no time left. This is it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I accept no responsibility for the pooping porg in this chapter. That was a direct result of a very silly series of comments from MFA101 that made me laugh too much as I was editing this chapter. 
> 
> The medallion scene with Rose and Finn was not just intended to be a cute moment, it will have some significance later on. As will the unfortunate injuries Rey and Ben received in their disastrous attempts to undress each other, believe it or not! Me, write silly smutty stuff for the sake of it? Never! Thanks for the lovely encouraging comments on the last chapter, they made me more confident about this one! I can only say, you brought this one on yourselves! 🤣
> 
> The Palpatine schemes are very close to being unveiled. I know I’ve neglected him lately, but it was hard to write about him without exposing any future surprises. 
> 
> Apologies to Lando fans, I seriously don’t know how he has ended up becoming such a sassy Unca Wanwo in this story! It was an evolution that couldn’t be stopped. 
> 
> This is unfortunately the last chapter of Happy Week as I am hereby dubbing it! Prepare for a number of chapters that are more serious and very plot-driven to follow. The next will be a little shorter than the last few have been (unless I can’t prevent myself from tinkering with it!) and will deal with the Resistance preparing to leave. There will be emotional goodbyes in abundance, so I hope it all isn’t too sad after all the happy times that have occurred recently.
> 
> Thank you so so very much for the comments and Kudos! It means the whole world to know people are liking this story! I hope you all continue to enjoy it!! 💖💖


	39. Almost There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance prepares to ship out for Exegol. Tears are shed, gifts are given, and promises are made as Ben and Rey say their goodbyes to their friends and the place where they found happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry in advance for what you are about to read. I found it difficult to edit and add to these farewell scenes, so I imagine it won’t be exactly pleasant to read either. But it was a necessary chapter before we reach the climactic battle at Exegol.

It took a while before the news reached Ben and Rey in the Falcon. Although when it did, it still felt like much too soon.

But then, even before she knew their happy time together had come to an end, Rey thought that even if she had all the time in the world, there would never be enough time to fit in everything she wanted to say to Ben. Never enough time to let him know just how much she appreciated every little detail about him.

Particularly now while he lay in this relaxed stupor, big body stretched out so enticingly over the bunk. Practically _inviting_ her to explore all of his loveliness.

“This,” she said, running a meandering finger down the dusky trail that had once held such mystery for her. “I saw this when you came in from washing outside on Jakku. I couldn’t stop looking at it.”

Ben raised his head to glance down with a soft chuckle that shuddered that dusky trail under her fingertip.

“Really?” He kissed the side of her head when that finger wandered lower. “Careful, you’ll wake the monster again.”

“I don’t mind,” said Rey bravely.

And that made Ben laugh and tighten his arm around her shoulders.

Rey turned her head to kiss his chest. “And this,” she said luxuriously, rubbing her hand over that vast expanse, loving the feel of softness now that all of the tension had left his body. Softness over firmness.

“So beautiful. The best pillows.” She glanced up at him a little apprehensively. “Yours are a lot bigger than mine.”

Ben had to smile at that. “Bigger maybe, but not better.”

Rey shook her head and his brows furrowed. He reached down to gently cup a soft handful in his palm.

“Rey! They are! So much better. Much, much better,” he said firmly. “That time, the first time we swam in the lake, I wanted to do this. You looked so beautiful in that white vest with these peeping out at me. I can’t believe I can do this whenever I want now.”

Rey giggled. “Maybe not _whenever_ you want. In public, I mean. That would be weird.”

“I don’t want to leave here then,” decided Ben. “I want to stay here forever.”

“Me too,” groaned Rey with all her heart.

She looked up to see him looking grave and lifted her hand to trace a finger over those dark frowning brows. Just as soft and fine as she had imagined they would be when she had gazed at his sleeping face that morning in her home on Jakku. But those frowning brows worried her a little.

“Ben?” she whispered.

He hoisted her up to sprawl over his body, hugging her close. Soft strands of her hair catching on the emerging stubble over his lips. She smelled of sunshine. She _was_ sunshine, thought Ben romantically.

“I don’t want to go,” he whispered into her hair. “I don’t want to go anywhere. I want to stay here like this. Just like this. All day, all night. Forever.”

Rey nodded fervently into his shoulder, shifting around to hold him tight, slinging a possessive leg over that dusky trail. Closing her eyes so there was nothing else but the feel of him. Opening her lips to breathe him in. Savouring the scent of him. The taste of him. Basking in his warmth. The sure steady beat of his heart against hers.

Rey had not been to everywhere in the galaxy, but she was pretty sure nowhere else could feel as beautiful, feel as much like home as Ben Solo’s embrace.

But she wasn’t to enjoy the blissful comfort of that embrace for much longer. They sat up in alarm at the sound of the bulkhead door opening. And then scrambled up on hearing Finn’s voice echoing down the corridor. There was something in the urgent tenor of his voice that quelled any urge to giggle as they struggled into a motley assortment of clothes to join him and Rose as quickly as they could in the main hold.

It was a bad sign when Finn didn’t even blink at the sight of a tousled Ben swathed in Rey’s much too short grey cape over tight black shorts and his leather boots.

“What is it?” breathed Rey, snaking her fingers through Ben’s.

And then they held each other’s hands tight, their hearts plummeting before Finn opened his mouth. They didn’t need him to say anything.

They knew there would be no more time. Never enough time to tell each other everything they needed to say. Or hear everything they needed to hear. That precious time had finally, finally run out.

The darkening sky over Takodana was rent with the booming noise of engines, the land beneath it a hive of bustling activity. As if the entire galaxy had descended on this small insignificant planet. In a way it had. The call had gone out far and wide and the response had been immediate and overwhelming.

Leia walked through the crowds, barely able to believe how much had changed in one short year. One year since the tattered remains of the Resistance had hidden out in the caves on Crait, waiting for assistance that never came. And now, so much assistance had arrived the Resistance was struggling to accommodate it.

Maz was indispensable, as was Kaydel and her communications officers, in finding safe routes for these new allies and locations to land their vessels. It was the strangest fleet Leia had ever seen, a diverse assortment of military craft and other more outdated unwarlike ships, some so ancient and alien she had never seen their like before. But all of them were welcome and all of them would be necessary.

Leia remembered her son’s speech on the Steadfast with fierce pride. The galaxy had listened. It had put aside old hurts and grievances to unite together in the face of a much larger threat. She had never witnessed anything like this, even in all her years in the Rebel Alliance.

Even the First Order was on its way, alerted by Ben to station their fleets close to the moon above. There was no time for mistrust anymore. And besides, Ben’s new general, Mitaka, appeared to have everything well in hand there. She spotted Ben now, with Rey and a group of their friends on the steps of the castle and fought back a rush of emotion. An intense and complicated emotion that was too full to put into words. 

There was certainly joy in there now that her son had returned to be with her at this crucial moment. But there was a terrible poignant sadness in there too. There had been so little time to get to know him again. And Leia had never wanted this for Ben. This legacy of the Skywalkers that had been so cruel. All of her efforts to mend the galaxy’s conflict and steer him from this path had been in vain. Deep in her heart she had always known they would be, even though she had tried everything to prevent that very circumstance. And the events at the temple had confirmed her fears.

This was Ben’s destiny. It always had been. And now all she could do was keep holding on to that faith she had always clung to. More tightly than ever. And hope that this time, things could be different. That her son would return again, and they could finally find a lasting peace.

“Han,” she whispered. “Look out for our boy. Bring him home.”

Rey hugged Rose, still shell-shocked by how rapidly events had escalated in the short time she and Ben had spent so blissfully content in their own little cocoon on the Falcon. And now Rose was leaving with Finn to oversee the First Order’s compliance with the Resistance. It didn’t seem possible. Too much was happening much too soon.

There wasn’t time to tell Rose just how much her advice had meant to her over the past few weeks. How much she valued this new friendship. She hadn’t even had time to think about that herself. She did try, but Rose stopped her, drawing her closer.

“You can tell me all of this when we see each other again,” said Rose.

Rey nodded, swallowing hard. “I just wanted you to know.”

“I do know,” said Rose. “And I hope you know how important you are to me too. It’s been a while since I’ve had a girl friend who I’ve been able to talk to like you.”

And Rey knew what she meant by that and hugged her tighter, so strangely happy to hear that despite her sadness. Maybe not happy. But honoured in a way she had never expected.

“I’ve never had a girl friend before,” she said.

And that was too much for soft-hearted Rose, who had to wipe her cheeks as they let each other go.

“Remember everything they told you at the temple,” she said. “And please, please be careful. Please come home.”

“You too,” whispered Rey on a snuffle. “And look after Finn.”

“We’ll both look after each other,” said Rose with a resolute if watery smile. “Just like the two of you will.”

Rey nodded, too choked to speak, and was swallowed up in a tight hug by Finn.

And then Rey had to say goodbye to Finn, her first real friend. She didn’t _want_ to think about that at all.

“Finn!” she said brokenly.

“It’s going to be okay. We can do this,” he said. “I know we can. You were right. We were all meant to meet. This was all meant to happen.”

Rey gulped. “I know. I just wish it didn’t have to be now. Not yet. I wish we had more time. All of us.”

“We will.” Finn released her, smiling hearteningly. “We’ll see each other again. I promise.”

That sounded familiar. Rey’s brow crinkled, before she was distracted by something out of the corner of her eye. Rose had steeled herself to hug Ben, and that jogged a teary smile from Rey. Rose, so tiny and determined, and Ben, so startled and tall, made for a very cute if unexpected embrace.

Ben and Finn’s goodbyes were more formal, consisting of arm clapping and a couple of gruff manly words. But it warmed Rey’s aching heart to see it.

And then Rose and Finn were gone, disappearing into the crowd after a few more backward smiles.

Rey slithered her fingers through Ben’s.

“I can’t believe this,” she breathed. “I can’t believe this is actually happening.”

“I know,” said Ben. He squared his shoulders. “But we always knew it would come to this. And now we’ve got each other.”

He looked down to see Rey staring back at him. He felt all of her trepidation just as acutely as he felt his own, but somehow this strengthened him. Because she had told him she would love him forever and he believed her. Kylo Ren had gone into battle before with nothing to lose. And now Ben Solo had everything to lose, but against all odds fate had chosen to be kind to him. He couldn’t let himself believe it would turn on him now.

He folded Rey into a hug and felt her arms slip around him. Her head dip into his shoulder as his chin came to rest on top of it. An action as natural and perfectly synchronised as any of the moves they had practiced when fighting together.

This was meant to be. The galaxy needed them just as much as they needed each other. They would bring balance to the Force at last, just as they had brought peace to each other.

Kaydel sat up in her chair, straightening her hunched back, stretching out her arms. Her balled fist smacked into something hard and bristly and she subsided with a start, turning to see Poe rubbing his chin with a grin.

“Oops,” she said, not altogether contritely.

“I’ll forgive you,” said Poe kindly. “You’ve been busy.”

“You think?” snorted Kaydel. “it’s been non-stop for hours.”

Poe’s face grew serious. “What is it looking like now?”

Kaydel shrugged. “We’ve almost got everyone sorted. At least I think we do. They just keep coming.”

“And that’s a good thing,” Poe reminded her.

“I do know that,” said Kaydel. She looked back at her flashing monitor and with a quick scrabble of her fingers, entered coordinates for a Mon Calamari vessel. “Wanna swap? You take over communications, I’ll be a pilot? Sitting round, doing nothing for ages, then returning with all the glory. Sounds good to me right now. Besides, I always kind of fancied myself as a pilot.”

Poe laughed. “And there I was, thinking you fancied a pilot.”

Kaydel fixed him with an ominous look. “Poe.”

Poe glanced around him and found a chair to drag over beside her. He sat down as she turned away again, busying herself at the controls.

She spared him a glance. “What do you want, Poe? You can see I’m busy.”

“I know. I just wanted to say goodbye. Rose got the technicians to modify the X-wings using tech she got from Ben Solo’s TIE Interceptor. I’ll be leading the first squadron after the Falcon.”

Kaydel gave him a cagey look. “And what? You want some great romantic hero’s farewell?”

Poe bit his lip. “I wouldn’t _mind_ it.”

“Course you wouldn’t.” Kaydel shook her head. “Poe, don’t you think that would be a little ridiculous?”

“This is the biggest battle of our lives,” protested Poe. “None of us know if we’ll be coming back.”

“Oh come on! Not even you?” said Kaydel derisively. “The best pilot in the Resistance? Or at least the most arrogant one.”

“Not always,” said Poe pensively. He got up with a sigh. “Okay, I’ll go. Look after yourself, Kaydel.”

Kaydel turned to frown at her monitor for a few moments before darting out of her chair to grab his arm.

“Come back.” Her expression became a little severe as his grew hopeful. “Come back and maybe, just maybe, you’ll get a hero’s welcome.”

“I’ll take that.” Poe laughed shakily. “So, no chance of the smallest hero’s farewell? Just for encouragement?”

“Shut up,” said Kaydel brusquely, dragging him forward by the lapel for a quick kiss. “There. Now go. I’ve got more important things to do.”

Poe grinned and saluted, clicking his heels together. “I’m going. With a renewed skip to my step. I’ll be back for that hero’s welcome, Kaydel.”

She laughed, but there was a tremor in her voice when she answered him. “You’d better.”

Their lips tightened as they gazed at each other for a moment before Poe leaned in for a brisk hug.

“I’ll see you,” he said quietly and left, leaving Kaydel to swallow a lump in her throat. Her monitor had suddenly become a little misted, but she could still discern green flashes lighting up the edges.

Kaydel cleared her throat firmly and wiped her eyes. She still had work to do.

Only the faintest streaks of pink stained the horizon of the crowded sky by the time Rey and Ben were given the clearance to leave. They had considered not flying the Falcon as it was so recognisable and had played such an important part in the war that had gone before. The emperor would surely know the ship that had been flown by Han Solo.

But in the end, they had decided it made no difference. Palpatine knew they were coming. There was no point in trying to disguise their arrival. In the event the Final Order would attempt to shoot down the ship, they were at least prepared for that. And Poe and his X-wings would be close behind.

And at least they would be travelling to Exegol in a familiar ship. One that they had been happy in. Although it was hard to part it from Chewbacca, not knowing if he would ever be reunited with it again. It was hard to part from Chewbacca at all. He didn’t seem to want to let them go and Rey didn’t want him to.

It was so nice to be pulled into his embrace, to see Ben’s face over his other arm, held as tightly as she was. Both of them so safe and warm as if nothing could harm them while their giant Wookiee friend’s protective arms were around them.

But it would be even harder to part with Leia.

Rey struggled against a well of desolation building up inside her as she saw her approach with Lando. Mercifully, there had only been time for cursory conversations before this, planning the schedule of their departure, discussing when the fleets would be organised to make a move. No time for sentiment to get in the way. But this was the moment Rey had dreaded. The moment when Leia would have to say goodbye to her son.

But perhaps unsurprisingly Leia was stoic, at least at first.

“Don’t be afraid,” she said with a smile. “You heard Luke. Thousands of generations live in you both. You won’t be alone. We’re all with you.”

It was only when Ben dived down for a hug that her composure started to give way.

“My darling boy,” she whispered. “I love you so much. Make sure you come back to me.”

And Ben hugged her back carefully, blinking back tears.

“I’ll be back. We both will, I promise.”

Leia nodded, letting him go reluctantly with a kiss on his cheek.

“I have something for you. Something I gave your father a long time ago.”

She took a medal from her pocket and Ben’s eyes widened, looking from it back up to his mother.

“Dad’s medal,” he whispered.

“It’ll bring you luck. It brought him plenty over the years.” Leia closed his fingers over it. “And I haven’t forgotten you, Rey.” She turned to Rey. “I found this amongst Luke’s possessions you brought back from Ahch-To. He’d want you to have it.”

Rey accepted the ancient intricate compass with stuttered thanks.

“It’ll bring you home,” said Leia. “This is where you belong. You’re a Solo. There’s no escaping this family now.”

“As if I’d want to,” said Rey in a brittle little voice, hugging her fiercely. “Thank you. I’ll treasure it.”

“My sweet girl,” said Leia, releasing her. “I always wanted a daughter. And you’re better than any daughter I could imagine.”

She saw Rey smile waveringly, too agitated to speak, and how she sank into Ben when he slipped a bracing arm around her.

“I mean that. I doubt any sister of Ben’s could make him as happy as he is now. At least not in the ways you have.”

“Mom!” said Ben in laughing despair. Even Rey managed a snuffly giggle. Ben turned to Lando.

“Take care of her until I get back.”

“I’ll do my best,” promised Lando with a contradictory shake of his head. “But you know your mother. Nobody tells this princess what to do.”

“You got that right,” said Leia, back to her former stoicism. “Don’t worry about us. We’ve been through all of this before and came out fine. You just concentrate on what you have to do.”

“We will,” said Ben.

There were more hugs, more kisses, but eventually the time had come for Rey and Ben to climb the boarding ramp to the Falcon.

And all Ben could think of was that last time he had taken a last look at his mother before he left for Luke’s training academy. So similar in so many ways. She looked just as small and tearful as she had then. But the stakes were so much higher now. This time he really might never see her again.

But it was also different in a very different way. This time he knew neither of them wanted to part. This time he didn’t feel abandoned. He knew how brave she was. How brave she always had been.

“I love you!” he shouted suddenly as the ramp began to creak up and saw her face quiver, her hand rise to her lips as she blew him a kiss before the ramp clanked shut.

And then he and Rey stood for a moment in silence, their hands reaching for each other’s.

“This is it,” whispered Rey.

“It is,” agreed Ben, his voice catching, and turned to pull her into a hug that neither of them wanted to end. Because then they really would have to go.

The subspace radio was alive with transmissions as the Millennium Falcon rose high into the blue sky over Maz’s castle.

There was Poe, giving orders to his squadron to follow in formation. Mitaka, assuring his Supreme Leader that the First Order was primed and ready to move out at his command. Kaydel, lining up a succession of vessels to leave their temporary bases.

And Leia and Lando were left behind to stand alone and watch the Falcon shoot off into space, followed by Poe and his squadron. Lando glanced furtively down at Leia to see tears glistening in her eyes.

“Those turbolaser turrets of yours still working on the Tantive IV?” he asked ever so casually.

Leia gave him a sharp look. “Yes, as far as I know. Why, what are you planning, you old dog?”

Lando chucked his head consideringly. “I’m just thinking, why should all these young dogs have all the fun?”

“What are you saying? _You_ want to go to Exegol?” said Leia.

“Don’t you?” he said raising an eyebrow.

Leia’s own brows rose. “What happened to that promise? You know, the one you just made to Ben?”

“I’ll keep it, if that’s what you want,” he said.

Leia’s eyes lit up for a moment, but then she looked away to the communications team busily organising departures.

“Who’s going to look after all this?”

Lando shrugged. “Kaydel’s doing a great job, far as I can see. And we can stay in touch with the fleet easier if we’re with them.” He saw temptation gnawing at her and pounced. “Come on, Leia, what do you say?”

Leia smiled and stood up straighter, her tears forgotten.

“You know what, Lando? I say yes. Let’s rustle up Chewie and the droids and then we’ll show these kids how it’s done.”

Rey and Ben sat quietly in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. Watching the red flicker of the lodestone in the waxy green glass holocron where it was hooked up to the navicomputer. They could have left the cockpit at any time during their journey to the Unknown Regions, trusting the holocron to guide them but they hadn’t. Not that both of them hadn’t privately considered it on several occasions. It could be their last chance to spend the sort of time together that they had enjoyed so much over the past couple of days.

But neither of them had acted on these impulses. That might have been because they were too tense about what lay ahead. Or it might have been because neither of them wanted to come to terms with the idea that this might be their last chance to be together like that again.

They couldn’t even find the words to speak to each other as they came closer to their destination. Although they both so desperately wanted to bring the other some sort of reassurance and comfort. But yet they stayed silent.

They both knew what they were afraid of. Words were not enough. Nothing was.

Ben’s eyes rose, caught by the glint of the gold dice swinging overhead. This time he didn’t look away.

He wanted to look at them, remember standing on Chewie’s lap, stretching up to reach them. He wanted to remember what it had been like to feel Chewie’s paws gently holding him steady as he leaned forward. And how his father had laughed at his unsuccessful efforts before he unslung them to deposit them in Ben’s clutching hand.

Ben reached up to take them down. They seemed so small now in the palm of his hand, much smaller than he remembered. But solid.

“I found these on Crait,” he said and saw Rey’s eyes turn to meet his. “But they disappeared.”

“You did?” said Rey curiously.

“That time… that time I saw you,” he said with a little difficulty. “I found them in the mine.”

“Oh,” said Rey. Because now that made more sense. “Luke had them. I took them from Ahch-To when I went back there.”

She didn’t receive a response. Ben’s porg nemesis from the passageway had flown into the cockpit, and after fluttering around him beadily was now actively engaged in trying to tug the dice from Ben’s tightening grip.

“Ouch!” He winced as the porg’s webbed claws curled into his thigh for purchase.

Rey flapped her hands to startle him back into flight again.

“I thought we’d left them all behind on Takodana,” she said, stricken. “I forgot about the nest.”

“Maybe we should leave this one on Exegol,” muttered Ben direly, crouching to shield his head from the swooping porg’s advances. “I don’t need any more good luck poodoo splatters from him.”

“Poodoo!” said Rey, surprised by the shaky laugh that left her lips.

Ben smiled back at her, straightening up cautiously now the porg had come to rest for the moment on the panel before him.

“That actually means ‘fodder’ in Huttese,” he said. “I thought it meant the other thing when I was little and it kind of stuck.”

“Huttese?” said Rey.

“A species called the Hutts.” Ben slung the dice back up. “My father had dealings with one of them on Tatooine a long time ago. It’s a long story. I’ll tell you it all someday.”

Rey’s face twisted and she had to look very fixedly at the holocron in front of her for a moment.

_Someday._

Rey would give anything, absolutely anything to hear that story. To hear any story Ben could tell her after all of this was over. Or anything at all. Just as long as he was there to tell her, and she was there to hear it.

She unglued her gaze from the holocron to stare blindly out through the viewport.

Maybe tomorrow she would wake up beside Ben and all of this would be over. She would smile at him as he woke, and he would angle in to kiss her. And then they could lazily plan what they would do for the rest of their lives. With no Palpatine and no Sith threat to bother a single thought.

They could walk down to the lake. Maybe even go for a swim. Lay each other down amongst the flowers and listen to the birds.

“Ahch-To,” said Ben in a stiff voice. “What was it like?”

Rey swallowed, blinking away her tears, but she still sounded a little watery when she found her voice.

“Beautiful. Peaceful. Like Takodana, but colder. Wilder.”

“Maybe you could take me there one day,” he said, and when her eyes flashed to his, her heart ached even more.

He looked a little desperate, despite his smile, which grew crooked when he saw the tears in her eyes.

“Yes,” said Rey huskily. “I’d like that. There’s sea all around it. We could swim.”

He nodded and she saw tears standing in his own eyes. And Rey couldn’t bear that.

“The porgs could visit their relatives,” she said in a stronger voice.

“And then stay there,” said Ben, and their determined smiles wavered into little laughs as they looked at each other.

Rey sniffed bravely into her forearm. “You must have been to lots of places you can bring me.”

“Naboo,” said Ben, rallying himself now that Rey wasn't crying anymore. “You’d like it there.”

“Yes?” said Rey.

But all she could think about was Takodana and how much she wanted to be there now. By the lake with Ben. She didn’t need to see anywhere else or go anywhere else. There could be nothing better than lying by the lake in Ben’s arms.

“I want to go home,” she whispered, and then she couldn’t keep the tears back anymore.

And neither could Ben. He scrambled out of his seat to kneel beside hers, pulling her to him.

Because now that there was nobody else to see them, they didn’t have to be brave. They didn't have to be the last hopes of the galaxy. Not just yet.

For these last precious moments they could just be Ben and Rey. Who loved each other. Who wanted to go home and be happy. Who wanted a future without fear.

They could spend these last precious moments to cry all of the tears they needed to cry, hold each other as tightly as they could, before they couldn’t any longer.

But all too soon, the flashes of red from the holocron grew too bright to be ignored. They turned their heads to glance at it, before looking back into each other’s eyes again.

“Almost there,” said Ben, pulling his sleeve over his hand to wipe Rey's cheeks.

“Right,” she said, clutching that hand as she leaned in to kiss him.

And he kissed her back, as urgently as if it were a kiss goodbye before he had to take his seat again. Before they reached forward as one to push the hyperdrive and the speed brake handles.

And then they were both silent, staring out at thick masses of dry dust and impermeable clouds of red gas.

Ben recovered first, engaging the sublight engines and casting an eye on the red glow in the holocron to guide him. Rey didn’t move, her stunned expression fading into one of confusion.

“Where is the Final Order?” she whispered. “The fleets? I don’t see them.”

Ben glanced around before darting a look at her. “What are you thinking? That Palpatine was bluffing?”

She shook her head slowly. “I don’t know. But I have a bad feeling about this.”

He swallowed, reaching over to take the hand that was reaching out for his.

“Me too.”

Poe’s subspace radio crackled for a moment before Rey’s voice sounded out, low and desperate.

“Poe! There’s nothing here. We can’t see anything, No fleets.”

Poe started. “Really? Well, that’s gotta be the best news I’ve heard in a long time.”

“No! Something doesn’t feel right. Hang back until I give the signal.”

“It’s a bit late for that. We’re almost there,” said Poe. “You’re gonna need cover.”

“Just… just wait,” said Rey. “I’m not sure we will.”

“Rey!” came Finn’s voice. “You can’t go in there alone. Palpatine knows you’re coming. This is a trap.”

“We always knew it would be,” said Rey, her voice quieter now. “But we don’t all have to get caught in it.”

Poe thumped his control panel in frustration, ignoring BB-8’s squeal of disapproval.

Finn’s voice erupted from his headpiece. “Those Jedi guys told you to have faith in us as we have faith in you. Or, I don’t know… something like that. We’re not leaving you alone, Rey. We’re coming through.”

Rey cut off communications, gulping back a lump in her throat as she saw a huge pyramidical shape loom out of the muggy darkness. Feeling fear clutch her heart so tight it was suffocating her, strangling her. Her fingers tightened around Ben’s as she sensed his fear surging through his touch.

“I love you,” she whispered, suddenly desperate for him to know it.

“I know,” he said and attempted some sort of smile as he looked over at her. “I love you too.”

And Rey breathed in, breathed out. Her smile back a little braver now.

It was too late to turn back now. Whatever lay ahead of them could not be averted any longer.

But this time she wouldn’t be alone. She wouldn't. Ben Solo loved her. She would never be alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we’re finally here. Exegol. In some ways there will be echoes of what we saw on TROS. In other ways it will be very, very different.  
> A LOT will happen here to test our dyad, so I’m truly sorry if some of this will be upsetting. I will include trigger warnings for the next couple of chapters. 
> 
> In nicer news, the chapter count is now looking like 48 instead of 47. Because editing this chapter made me so miserable, I had to cheer myself up by writing so much more happy nonsense for the last few chapters, it will probably end up becoming another entire chapter that literally wallows in happiness towards the end. And I think we all deserve that! 
> 
> So just remember, no matter what happens… the most RIDICULOUSLY Happily Ever After awaits eventually!!! I promise, promise, promise!
> 
> Thank you so much as always for Kudos and comments! They make me very happy! 💖💖


	40. Exegol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance and the First Order congregate above Exegol, while Ben and Rey are faced with confronting obstacles as they begin their search for Palpatine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect some familiar faces from the past to return as Rey and Ben enter Exegol. 
> 
> Warning – There will be emotional scenes ahead, some disturbing and sad. Apologies for that in advance, but they are absolutely necessary for the plot. Also very minor character death.
> 
> A quick note – A Crolute is a humanoid species like Unkar Plutt or Aunt Z from Resistance. (I’m including this in the notes because it was something I had to look up on Wookieepedia before I started writing this fic!)  
> Also a helpful key to reading this is to keep an eye on the tenses, past and present, to save confusion. You'll know what I mean!

The dark space above Exegol was silent. It had been silent for some time since the last of the First Order vessels had arrived to join the assorted ships of the Resistance. As if thousands upon thousands of people lay waiting with bated breath for something, anything to break this silence. To make sense of why they had assembled in such haste to come here.

On the bridge of the Steadfast, Finn glanced around at Lieutenant Garan.

“Still nothing?” he said, unable to speak louder than a low murmur in this oppressive silence.

She shook her head. “It’s been quiet for a while now. They must have left the Falcon.”

Rose moved forward to stand by Finn, her hand running down his arm to find his.

“They always had to do this bit alone,” she said. “We’re here. Anything else appears, we can deal with it.”

He nodded, clasping her hand firmly, but the tension didn’t leave his shoulders.

“And no signals at all from anything else? Apart from us?”

“No, sir. Nothing.” Lanzora Garan tugged at her tight upright collar.

“I don’t understand it,” said Finn walking over to stare out through the huge viewport.

At the heavy ominous pyramidical form, half-hidden by swirling dust and the blinking lights of their own fleets. The smaller pyramids surrounding it, six in total.

“It makes no sense,” he muttered. “Why would Palpatine want us here if he has no defences? We could just bomb this hellhole and go.”

“But we can’t do that,” said Rose. “Rey’s down there. You heard what the Jedi said. This is her destiny. And Ben’s.”

“I know that.” Finn’s breath left him in a long exhale. “But I can’t help thinking what if we are meant to be down there too?”

On the Tantive IV, Lando looked over at his old friend who had been uncharacteristically silent much too long for comfort.

“What is it, Leia?” he said and felt no better when her eyes turned to look at him. “Come on. Just say it, whatever it is.”

“I don’t know what it is,” said Leia quietly. “I’d tell you if I did. Something’s out there. Something old.”

“Older than me?” said Lando in a feeble attempt at lightening the mood.

Leia’s mouth did her best to smile at this and failed.

“A lot older. Older than Palpatine. Older than anything left in this galaxy.”

“Leia, you’re scaring me,” said Lando, dropping all pretences at levity.

“ _I’m_ scared,” whispered Leia. “What have I let my boy walk into?”

Ben and Rey walked in silence over the dry brittle ground.

It was gritty, not unlike sand in texture, but rougher, loose sharp flat stones shifting and scrunching under their boots. There were cracks and fissures, some so wide and unexpected in the darkness that they had to drop each other’s hands at times to circumnavigate them. What little light there was bathed their surroundings in tones of blue. Not incandescent blue like Rey’s lightsaber, or celestial blue like the heavenly skies over Takodana, but a dull harsh blue that made everything feel cold.

The air _was_ cold, a clammy sort of cold, seeping up from the cracked ground beneath them. And thin, like the thinness Rey had felt at the Jedi temple on Takodana. As if this world was shifting around her, ephemeral and unsubstantial.

Rey shivered in her white tunic, and Ben, more warmly dressed in his loose black sweater, put his arm around her as they entered into deeper echoing shadow under the pyramid. A flash of lightning lit up the interior suddenly, bringing great stone pillars into stark relief and exposing gaping treacherous pits ahead of them. Rey clutched Ben’s waist, taking comfort in the solidity of warm muscle under his sweater.

Tomorrow we’ll be on the Falcon, she told herself again. And this will all be over. All of this will be just a memory, a tale to be told, like the ones she had heard in the market at Niima Outpost. Why shouldn’t her story end like those? Why shouldn’t she and Ben live happily ever after?

Ben had been as aware as Rey was of that strange tenuous feeling that all he saw before him was there, but not really there. Even as he heard the scrape of stones with every step they took, felt the chilly air spread through the fibres of his clothing, he squinted ahead into the darkness, unsure of what to expect. He didn’t trust the frequent flashes of light. Every time they illuminated his whereabouts, they seemed ever so slightly different than the last, but those glimpses were so fleeting, so blinding, he couldn’t be sure of anything.

The only thing that felt real was Rey, the smooth skin of her shoulder under his fingers, the clasp of her hand on his side. Grounding him, anchoring him in this strange otherworldly place.

“What is this place?” whispered Rey.

His fingers gripped her shoulder tighter. “I don’t know.”

By the time they reached one of the gigantic pillars, it had grown too dark to make out what lay ahead of them. They let each other go reluctantly and stopped to slide out their lightsabers. Igniting them and extending their arms in long sweeping arcs to reveal the terrain before them.

All they could see was a dark abyss stretching ahead of them and the slimmest of narrow walkways around the pillar. It looked treacherous by the light of their sabers, with only inches to spare between the column and a gaping chasm falling away into darkness.

“What now?” said Rey. “Should we try to find another place to cross? I can’t see the other side, can you?”

“No,” said Ben. “But we’re here for a reason. We have to pass. This is a test.”

He glanced down to see Rey’s wide eyes looking up at him, green in the light of their combined lightsabers’ glow.

“I’ll go first,” he said quietly, snapping off his saber and taking her hand.

“No!” hissed Rey. “I’ll go.”

Ben tried to smile reassuringly at her. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine. Keep your saber low so I can see where to put my feet.”

Rey nodded, but as Ben started to disengage his fingers from hers she clutched them tighter.

“Ben,” she said and then didn’t know how to follow that word.

She didn’t want to say she would be scared to be left alone in the dark. She didn’t want to say she was afraid something might happen to Ben if he was without her for more than a couple of moments. Because that was stupid. It would only be a couple of moments before she would see him again.

“Be careful,” was all she said in a whisper, as if her voice could shake the gravelly ground underfoot.

But Ben didn’t need her to tell him any of these things. He was feeling them too.

“I will.” He pulled her hand towards him, leaning down to kiss her before letting her go. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

And Rey nodded tremulously, using both hands to keep her blade stable in her suddenly unsteady grip.

Ben faced the column, wrapping his arms around it to inch himself forward. It was wide, wider than he had thought, and as he edged around it, the blue-white light of Rey’s saber faded from view. He paused, hugging the column with one arm to light his own.

And then stepped back in surprise. There was no pillar. And no dark abyss on the other side. Just hard stony ground like that they had walked in on.

And no Rey. Ben’s heart thumped in fright.

“Rey?” he called out, hearing his voice echo hollowly off high sheer stone walls and deep yawning gorges. There was no answer and Ben raised his lightsaber to cast a wider radius of light.

“Rey!”

She was nowhere, as if she had never been there at all. Ben’s mind went blank in panic, his eyes flitting around for any sign of her, ears straining to hear feet slip on shifting stone.

A single dim light caught his eye, and he was running, stumbling forward in desperation. It grew wider and clearer as he lurched closer.

And now he can see a darkening sky and the last rays of a setting sun.

And Rey, her back turned as she leans her elbows on a balcony overlooking a still lake.

“Rey!” he sobs in relief, stowing away his saber hilt, reaching out as she turns.

But even before he sees her face, he knows this isn’t Rey.

She’s smaller, daintier, her back as golden as her arms in the lovely gown Leia had bestowed on Rey. Her mother’s gown. Ben skids to a floundering halt as the woman’s heart-shaped face lifts to look up at him, her dark eyes as familiar to him as his own. Those dark eyes stray over him wonderingly.

“I’ve seen you before,” she says. “Here, in the water.”

Ben stares at her and then over her shoulder to the place he had thought was the lake on Takodana. But this lake is different, the scent of salt water mixing in with a heady sweetness of blossoming plants. He knows this place.

“I know you,” says the woman. “Tell me your name.”

“Ben,” he says. “Ben Solo. I’m your daughter’s son.”

“I thought so.” Padmé smiles. “Leia’s boy.”

All of this is so confusing. Bizarre. There are so many questions he could ask but Ben can only think of one.

“Have you seen a girl?” he says urgently. “A beautiful girl. Brown hair, taller than you, wearing white?”

“No, she hasn’t been here.” She tilts her head with a sad little smile at his look of despair. “You don’t look like Anakin, but you sound like him.”

“I don’t understand. How are you here?” says Ben. “What is this place?”

“We’re in Varykino, in the lake district of Naboo.”

Ben turns away to look behind him for the lie, but all he can see are clay urns of red flowers and sparkling fountains and an ivy-clad house, graceful and serene in the gathering dusk. It looks exactly like that place he told Rey about, that place he had visited before with his parents.

But it can’t be. Not here.

“I thought you were here for me,” says Padmé. “But that’s not why you’re here, is it?”

“No,” falters Ben. “At least, I don’t know. I’m not sure. There’s something else I have to do first.”

“I know,” she says. “Me too. But I think that time is almost here at last.”

But none of this is real, Ben wants to say, but he doesn’t know how to say that to this fragile little woman before him.

“What is it you have to do?” he says instead.

“Lead the others when the time comes,” she says, her clear voice belying that fragility of her slight frame and delicate features. “Qui-Gon told me that was my fate.”

“Qui-Gon Jinn?” Ben’s brows draw together. “Wait, what others?”

“There are many others here,” says Padmé. “Those who have been slain by the Dark Side cannot leave. Not until we are freed from the hold Darth Sidious has over us.”

“Vader _did_ kill you!” says Ben, his fists clenching.

“No.” Padmé shakes her head. “But I did die. I could feel my life-force slipping away, being dragged from me to feed something else. What Ani was to become. Qui-Gon came to me as I passed over. He told me I had a destiny beyond this.”

She sees Ben frown and reaches forward to pat his hand. His fist unfurls in shock. She feels real, her fingers warm and light on his.

“You can’t stay here. Tell your mother I will see her again. And Luke.”

Ben nods mutely, unable to bring himself to tell her Luke has passed into the Force.

And now he realises he can’t. She’s fading, turning away from him with a smile.

Until she was gone, and Ben was once more surrounded by darkness.

“Rey!” he shouted and was answered immediately by the sound of blaster fire. He swivelled, his eyes struggling to refocus in the dim light.

There was something. Further away. Glints of metal, set alight by dull red fire.

Ben charged towards it, but as he drew nearer a feeling of dread washed over him. His steps stumbled as he looked around him.

He knew this place. He had seen it again and again in his dreams and he knew what he would find.

Who he would find.

And he does.

“Dad,” he says.

Han Solo jumps and turns, to stare disbelievingly at his son.

“Ben!” he says, an astonished smile breaking over his face as he sees the look in Ben’s eyes.

But Ben can hear Chewbacca’s feet clanging on the walkway overhead and knows he doesn’t have enough time. Not enough time to tell his father everything he has wanted to for so long.

“You have to go,” he says. “You have to go now.”

But something is causing Han’s eyes to narrow.

“Wait a minute. You’re not really here, are you? What is this?”

“I will be. You’re going to see me very soon. But you can’t speak to me. You have to go,” pleads Ben. “Please, promise me you’ll go.”

Han shakes his head. “There’s something I have to do. I promised your mother.”

“You can’t! Whatever happens, you can’t go out there,” says Ben urgently. “The bridge over the oscillator. You can’t follow me.”

“Oh yeah? Why not?” Han gives him a half-smile. “Chewie gonna set off the explosives early or something?”

“No,” says Ben. He doesn’t want to say it, but he has to. There’s no time for anything else. But his voice is low and forced when he speaks again.

“Something a lot worse. It’s me. I’m... I'm going to kill you.”

Han’s smile grows fixed, his eyes roaming over his son’s quivering lips, his wide dark eyes.

“You are, huh? And what happens after that?”

Ben stares at him. “Nothing! You die, Dad. That’s it. That’s what happens.”

Han shakes his head wistfully. “No. You’re here now.” He reaches up to touch his son’s face. “Look at you. What happened to _you_ , son?”

“Nothing,” says Ben, feeling frantic now. “I’m still here. And I’ve regretted what I’ve done ever since. I’d do anything to change what I did, and now I can. Don’t you see? It never has to happen. You can still be here, with me. And Mom.”

Han smiles ruefully. “Your mom told me there was still light in you. That woman is always right.”

His hand slides around Ben’s neck, bringing his head down to rest his brow against his own.

“Listen to me now, kid. This has to happen. This is how I take you home. You think I don’t know that? It’s what your mom wants. It’s what I want.”

He feels Ben struggle to shake his head, to move away, and hears him attempt to stifle a sob. Han grips him tighter.

“This is what the galaxy needs. You know it's true," he said. "Let me do this. I know what I’m doing.”

Ben’s breath shudders from him, his head diving into his father’s shoulder as his arms reach around to hold him. Breathing in that familiar smell of earthy, worn leather, engine oil and that spicy warm scent he has all but forgotten.

And even though the last time his father held him like this, Ben had not had to lean over to bury his head in his shoulder, he feels like that little boy again. That little boy who had no idea how to protect his father from himself. His heart wrenches in his chest as Han hugs him, his hand stroking his hair as it had when Maz warned Ben that he would make some choices that could not be undone.

“I’m sorry,” he gulps, his tears sliding into Han’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know,” says Han. “I know you are.”

He moves back a little to look into Ben’s eyes and wipes the tears from his cheek with his thumb. There are tears in his own eyes, but his lips are smiling.

“Come on now, let’s pull ourselves together. You’ve got something you have to do, just like I do. What is it you’re up to? Saving the galaxy?”

Ben snuffles on a shaky laugh. “Trying to. I have to find Rey first.”

Han’s eyes widen. “Rey? She’s here with you?” He sees his son nod and grins at the look on his face. “Oh, okay, I get it. We Solo’s, we have a type. Strong-willed stubborn women. Don’t make the mistakes I did. You find her, Ben. And never let her go.”

“I won’t.” Ben’s arms loosen around his father, his hands sliding up to grip his arms. “I’m coming back for you. I promise. When all of this is over, you will be with Mom again.”

“Never make a promise you can’t keep, kid,” says Han, but he says it kindly. “Tell her I love her, willya?” His lips lift again at one corner as he pats Ben’s cheek. “Now go. Save the galaxy.”

Ben’s hand flies up to clasp his father’s hand to his face.

“I’m going to tell you you’re weak. And foolish.” he says on a sob. “It’s not true.”

Han’s smile gets a little crooked. “Not always.”

His hand slips out and over Ben’s to grip it before letting it go. He moves away, shaking his head as Ben stands still.

“Don’t stay. You’ve seen it all before. You don’t need to see it again.”

And Ben knows he can’t. His father has already crossed over to a place he can’t reach.

And even as his heart aches, a deep calm begins to settle over him, soothing his breath, quieting his racing pulse. As he sees his own masked figure striding forward and Han’s features fixing in steady resolve for what lies ahead.

Before they both fade into darkness.

High above, the crew on the bridge of the Steadfast fell silent. Finn and Rose clutched each other as communications consoles suddenly screeched, teeming with ear-splitting interference.

“Sir!” shouted Lieutenant Garan. “It’s everywhere! It’s coming from all around us!”

“It _is_ a trap,” breathed Finn so low that Rose couldn’t hear him.

She didn’t have to. She had been struck as motionless as Finn as General Mitaka pushed by them to stare through the viewport.

At a countless never-ending spectacle of star destroyers rising from below, descending from above.

And BB-8 wailed a warning to Poe, his head swivelling frantically as he saw star destroyers sweep in from behind as well as the front of their fleet, which now looked pitifully meagre by contrast.

“I know,” said Poe grimly. “We’re gonna be picked off like womp rats.”

The little astromech droid babbled a string of bleeps and Poe’s frown deepened.

“Yeah, you’re right, buddy. They are dark. Why aren’t they firing at us?”

Chewbacca broke the sudden silence as the communications deck on the Tantive IV fell silent. He yowled, shaking his head, furry paws over his ears.

“Is this what you were talking about, Leia?” said Lando.

Leia nodded, realisation dawning on her.

“They were never going to come to us,” she said slowly. “They couldn’t. These don’t belong in our galaxy. Not anymore.”

“What do you mean?” said Lando. “They’re here, aren’t they?”

“Wherever here is,” said Leia. “Or _when_ ever.”

“Whenever?” Lando tore his eyes away from the sight before him to look at her.

“They’re Sith Fleets. Thousands of years old.” Leia returned his gaze in despair. “This is a place like the one Maz told us of. A place where everything can exist at once. A world between worlds.”

“So if we leave, they can’t follow,” said Lando, grasping on to some sort of hope.

“Can you see a way out?” Leia’s lips tightened. “My son’s down there. He and Rey will end this. But they need time. And we’ve got to give it to them.” She looked over at Chewbacca. “Did they jam our communications?”

Chewie shook his head with a whine.

“Right.” Leia stood up. “Get me on the holocomm. All channels. We’re not giving in without a fight.”

“Ben?” panted Rey anxiously, slithering away from the column onto safe ground. “Where are you?”

He hadn’t answered any of her increasingly agitated whispers ever since he had dropped out of sight of her lightsaber’s glow behind the pillar. And the golden light of his lightsaber hadn’t guided her steps as hers had his. Even now as she lit it again with a shaking thumb, he was nowhere to be seen. And much as Rey didn’t want to believe Ben would leave her alone she couldn’t refute the evidence of her eyes.

Unless…

There was something in the darkness, beyond the bobbing blue light of her trembling saber. A glow, spreading wider in the distance.

Rey ran towards it, cold catching in her throat. “Ben!”

But when she reaches it, Ben isn’t here.

Because this place can’t be here. Not really here. It can’t be possible that another world, a dusky desert world, exists under this dark pyramid.

For a moment Rey thinks she is in Niima Outpost. But as she stares around she realises she doesn’t recognise this squat tavern or the other rickety tented constructions dotting the dunes beyond it. She moves towards the entrance flap of the tavern cautiously, but she never reaches it.

Figures are emerging. A man flung sprawling into the sand skids to a crunching halt close to her feet. Rey looks up to see a woman struggling in the clutches of a bearded man, and then steps back as a massive Crolute tramps forward, leaning over to thrust a dagger in the face of the man on the ground. 

“Pay up! I told you there would be no next time,” he snarls.

“I don’t have it!” wheezes the man on the ground. “Another day! Another day and I’ll get you the credits.”

And as Rey watches his hand scrabbling at the Crolute’s boot, his face turning upwards in a hopeless grovelling plea, she realises she knows this face. Older now than that vague distant memory, but she knows it.

Her shocked eyes rise to look at the woman choking in the grip of the other man’s elbow. Feels a jolt when her bloodshot, desperate eyes meet hers.

Rey’s fist tightens around the hilt of her lightsaber.

“Stop!” she hears herself shout and is surprised by how resolute she sounds.

The Crolute’s head jerks up, his eyes running over her before he straightens and moves towards her.

“What’s this, then?” he says in amusement. “You really want to interfere, little lady? I wouldn’t bother. These two have had this coming for a long time.”

“Stop,” says Rey, calmer now. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

That makes the Crolute laugh and the man holding the woman loosens his grip. He flings her to the ground and draws a blaster from his belt.

“What are you going to hurt us with exactly? That little laser sword?”

“If I have to,” says Rey.

And then she has to. With a flick of her wrist to deflect his fire back into his chest. The Crolute watches his partner drop where he stands and turns back to Rey in disbelief.

And then charges forward, roaring.

Rey’s weapon slices through his armour, slides through his ribs. She can smell his breath in her face, harsh and sour, as she deactivates her saber.

The Crolute collapses slowly and heavily into the sand, sending the man on the ground scuffling and whimpering to the side to avoid being crushed. The woman lurches forward, crawling on her knees to reach him. When she stares up at Rey, she looks more frightened than grateful.

“Who are you?” she says. “Why would you help us?”

“It doesn’t matter,” says Rey, because suddenly it doesn’t.

But the woman is looking mistrustfully at Rey’s lightsaber hilt still clutched in her hand.

“What do you want? We don’t have anything to give you.”

“I know,” says Rey. “I don’t need anything from you.”

Something in the way she says it makes the woman’s eyes dart up to look more narrowly at her.

“Do I know you?”

“No,” says Rey. “You never did.”

And the light is dimming, the sand dissolving at her feet and Rey knows she is looking at her parents for the last time.

It should feel sadder than it does, but Rey is already turning away before they disappear.

“Ben!” she shouted.

And then she heard it. A voice in the darkness. It sounded far away, muffled, and indistinct, but Rey knew it was Ben. There was something in the pattern and emphasis of the words she recognised. She’d heard them before in a different time.

“Ben?” she whispers, relighting her saber to look around her.

As the darkness falls away and she is surrounded by flickering flames of light. And she hears her own voice, quiet and broken.

“Don’t do this, Ben. Please don’t go this way.”

And now Rey can see Kylo Ren approaching just as she remembers, his hand outstretched, face contorted in fury.

“No! No, you’re still holding on. _Let_ go!”

And now she can see her own start of shock as he composes himself, his eyes running over her face.

“Do you want to know the truth about your parents? Or have you always known?” says Kylo and advances when he sees her gaze falter. His voice is softer now, his eyes understanding.

“You’ve just hidden it away. You know the truth.”

Rey tries to shout aloud, but she can’t, as if she is locked in place. This is different from the last vision or whatever these are. This time she is here, but not here, like she is in a dream she can’t escape from. Invisible to the two figures before her.

And all of this is happening so much quicker than she remembers. It had seemed a lifetime then before he said almost kindly; “Say it.” And then again so gently it left his lips as a whisper. _“Say_ it.”

When he had said those words, she had stared into his eyes for what seemed like forever. But she had been seeing so much more.

Vague intangible dreams of smiling benevolent parents shimmering and disappearing. Her lie shattering and splintering around them as she was struck over and over by the echo of harsh words, the smell of pungent breath, the feel of rough hands, and hunger gnawing at her belly. And something indefinably worse – a bleak irritated indifference that she could never break through.

It had seemed like hours before she had finally admitted the truth to Kylo Ren and to herself, but here it is only a matter of seconds.

“They were nobody.”

Kylo shakes his head in dismissive disgust. “They were filthy junk traders, who sold you off for drinking money. They’re dead, in a paupers’ grave in the Jakku desert.”

And she sees herself sob in horrified disbelief at how calmly and deliberately he destroys any remnants of that sad little fantasy she still tries to cling to. Even now, knowing that she might have somehow averted that fate for her parents, it still hurts. She wants to reach out to this Rey and tell her everything will be okay. That it’s better she knows.

But more than that, she wants to scream at Kylo Ren, break through that suddenly avid expression as he drinks in her despair. As he takes advantage of her shock.

“You have no place in this story. You come from nothing. You’re nothing.”

And she remembers exactly what she had been thinking in that moment when her eyes dropped from his, how defeated and empty she had felt.

But this time Rey is a spectator, and her eyes don’t drop.

She can see the look in Kylo Ren’s eyes as he watches her gaze shift away. She can see a hope, a longing she hadn’t seen then. Or the effort that it takes to utter his next words. As his hand begins to rise, his eyes momentarily unguarded and vulnerable.

“But not to me.”

And as this Rey’s eyes meet his, his hand reaches out to her. And now that she knows Ben Solo so well, she can interpret that tell-tale flicker under his eye. That disturbance in his veneer of composure. She knows now how frantic he is to paper over his own need and uncertainty.

“Join me.”

He raises his hand and as her eyes flicker down to it, he moves forward, opening his hand wider.

And something in Rey breaks as it had then at the desperate entreaty in his eyes.

_“Please.”_

And as Rey watches herself catch her breath the flames die around them.

Pitching her once more into darkness lit only by the blue light of her lightsaber.

She stepped back, her eyes searching the shadows. “Ben!”

There was a rustle of stones somewhere close. She raised her lightsaber, gripping it with both hands, planting her feet as best she could on the broken ground.

“Who is it?” she said louder, hearing the shake in her voice. “Ben? Light your saber, I can’t see you.”

“I’m here,” said Ben, appearing out of the darkness beyond the reach of her saber.

Rey snapped it off, racing forward with a sob of relief, that relief flooding her whole body, energizing her limbs.

“Where were you? I couldn’t find you. I saw my parents. I saw _us_. In Snoke’s throne room.”

“I saw things too,” said Ben as she clutched him, her fingers digging into his sides. “Like I was slipping through time.”

“What is this place? The Netherworld of Unbeing?” said Rey. She stared up at him, trying to decipher his expression. “What did you see?”

She could just about make out that he was shaking his head, and she wishes he would hold her tighter. But he doesn’t. He moves back instead.

“We don’t have time for this,” he says. “We have to keep moving.”

Rey took the hand proffered to her, glancing up at him doubtfully.

“Is it not important? Why did I see my parents? Snoke’s throne room?”

“I don’t know,” said Ben.

He was walking so fast, Rey had to skip to keep up, skating and stumbling on loose stones.

“Ben! Slow down. What happened? Did you see the future?” When he didn’t answer, her doubt spiked. “Ben, what did you see?”

A bolt of lightning crackled behind her and she caught a momentary glimpse of his face. Trepidation fluttered through her stomach, tightening her grip. It might have been a trick of the light, but she suddenly hadn’t recognised the man beside her, his features so still and remote.

And there was a terrible familiarity to this, flickering at the back of her mind. She did recognise this man. She had seen him before.

“I saw what we have to do,” he said, shortening his stride so she could keep up. “What I have to do.”

“What is it?” When he didn’t answer she stopped, pulling at his hand to swing him around to face her. 

“Stop!” she cried out so loud the echoes of her voice resounded around them. _“Tell_ me.”

She slipped her hand free of his to unclasp the hilt of her lightsaber from her belt.

“What are you doing?” said Ben as she lifted it and set it ablaze.

“Something’s different,” said Rey as steadily as she could, backing away as he glanced from the saber to her face with wary eyes. _“You’re_ different. What happened to you?”

“Nothing happened to me.” He shook his head, reaching out to her with a ghost of a laugh. “Rey. It’s me. You know it is. Don’t be afraid.”

And now Rey could feel that strange other-worldly familiarity tugging at her consciousness again. Screaming at her.

_You know this._ _This is why you saw the throne room. This is why you saw the moment you finally saw clearly. When you finally acknowledged the lie._

“No,” she whispered, tears jumping into her eyes.

“You know who I am, Rey,” he said soothingly. “Say my name.”

“No!” she cried, backing up further as his hand dropped to his side.

“Really?” he said. “After everything we’ve been through, this is how you want it to end?”

She saw him slide out his lightsaber and straighten his shoulders. Felt the dull slow thump of dread in her heart. And somehow, she knew what he would say before his lips opened.

“Is this what you want, Rey?” purred Kylo Ren, his lightsaber spitting into three red flames by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is definitely one of those chapters that I drop and then run away from at considerable speed. I’m sorry for how it ended on that cliffhanger, but that will be dealt with in the next chapter.  
> For any of those readers who have a theory about what’s going on with Kylo/Ben, you’re probably right! But let’s keep it our secret for just a little while longer!
> 
> I love the idea of a World Between Worlds like there was in Star Wars Rebels season 4, episode 13. And the idea that everyone who enters sees something different or that it can appear differently to different people. Even though Exegol is controlled by Palpatine, the World between Worlds is neutral in the Force.  
> I’ve adapted some aspects of the canon World between Worlds to Exegol in this story. But it fits in here as something more fluid rather than the dyad having to enter it through a physical portal. Their combined strength opens the portal for them. I thought it would be the best way to incorporate characters who have appeared before but have now passed, to start to resolve some of the dangling threads of the Skywalker Saga. 
> 
> This won’t be the last you’ll see of some of these characters, but it will be the last we see of Rey’s parents because they don’t deserve any more! I know she doesn’t really need the closure she got here as she has a family now with Ben and Leia, but I thought it would be healing for her.  
> I also really wanted to have Ben meet Han before the bridge over the oscillator. Even though it's horribly sad, I like to think Han knew what would happen and made that sacrifice anyway to bring his son home. 
> 
> And please remember, no matter how dark it might get or whatever happens here on Exegol, a very Happy Ever After is definitely awaiting at the end of this story! For pretty much EVERYONE! Chapters full of it!! You might have noticed the chapter count is now at 48, that's because I can't stop adding to this happy ending! Also, sorry about the lack of illustrations of late, I've had a lot going on IRL. I'll get back to them soon and include updates in the next chapters.
> 
> Thank you for the Kudos and comments!! Loving them so much as always, they are so encouraging and helpful! 💖💖


	41. The Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance and the First Order receive unexpected aid from unlikely allies and embark on a plan to foil the Final Order. Meanwhile, deep in the heart of Exegol, Rey is enmeshed in the nightmare that has haunted her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings – Major character death. Also blood and an upsetting mirroring of certain terrible TROS plot points so I am truly sorry if this will be triggering.  
> Some of this chapter will be very bleak and sad but please stick with it if you can. You’ll be glad you did before the chapter is through, I promise! 
> 
> And finally I got time to do an illustration! It’s been up on Twitter for a few days, but for those who haven’t seen it, it’s in Chapter 28, where Rey gives Kylo the sapling leaf.

Leia’s rallying speech was short and direct.

There was no point in denying that the situation they found themselves in was a lot more grave than either the Resistance or the First Order had been prepared for. There was no reason she could provide to explain why the fleets of star destroyers surrounding them were unmoving, posing no more threat than their physical presence. There was no need to say that there was no element of surprise they could take advantage of.

But this was the last stand against the dark forces of Palpatine. There was no time to let the panic that had set in on the appearance of the ancient armada derail the reason they had come here in the first place.

They had to win. They had to give Ben and Rey a fighting chance to rid the galaxy of Palpatine once and for all. No matter what the odds were.

And then surprisingly, unexpected help came from one who had always been disposed to calculating the odds.

Threepio, who had been cravenly lurking in the bowels of the Tantive IV, came scuttling onto the bridge, nudged ahead by a tenacious Artoo Detoo.

“I _will_ tell her, Artoo!” he said fussily. “Why do you think I’m here?” He stopped in front of Leia. “You spoke of ancient Sith fleets?” he enquired, before his holoreceptors lit on the sight beyond the viewport. He jerked back in horror. “Oh my!”

“Any particular reason for interrupting the general, Threepio?” asked Lando.

“Deepest apologies!” spluttered Threepio. “But I believe I may be of some assistance.”

“Any help’s welcome,” said Leia. “Can everybody hear this?”

On receiving a general assent, she pushed him forward.

“I have been perusing Master Ben’s Sith journals,” began the golden droid in a finicky tone that boded ominously of a longer story to follow than any of his listeners would have liked. But even Threepio seemed to recognise the urgency of the moment. “And if these are indeed Sith fleets from the distant past, there could be a way we can stop them. Or at least prevent them from using their weapons.”

“Which is?” said Lando impatiently when Threepio couldn’t resist a dramatic pause for effect.

“Come _on,_ Threepio,” urged Poe’s voice. “Or is this one of those times when you tell us your programming forbids you to tell us? Because I don’t think the Final Order are gonna let us slink past for a quick jaunt to Kijimi.”

“You know Babu Frik disabled the programming that forbids me to translate, Commander Dameron,” huffed Threepio. “As I was _trying_ to say, much like various insect species in different systems across the galaxy, the Sith Eternal vessels possess a relationship that can be likened to a hive connection. They derive their energy from a single source, one which is usually based on the ground. This energy feeds their weapons.”

“So what you’re saying is, if we manage to destroy this energy source in some way, they can’t fire?” came Finn’s voice crackling over the comms.

“In theory, yes,” said Threepio. “But only if you want to wipe us all out with it. There’s no telling what effect that sort of explosion will have.”

“So… how is this helping us exactly?” sighed Poe.

“Can we disrupt it?” asked Rose. “This energy? Can we divert it somehow instead, so it can’t reach the Final Order vessels?”

“That would be a better plan,” agreed Threepio. “But I’m afraid I have no idea how you can do that. The Sith did not relay any information in their texts on how to disable their fleets.”

On the Steadfast, Mitaka looked to General Parnadee. “You’ve researched the history of the Sith, what can you tell us?”

“I studied the culture, rather than the weaponry.” She shook her head. “General Hux was the expert on the military hardware and artilleries of the Sith.”

“Hux?” echoed Finn.

“He investigated their weapons before the construction of Starkiller Base,” she said. “He wanted to find the power source they used, but Snoke demanded he use quintessence instead.”

“We know why now,” said Leia in an aside to Lando. “He didn’t want anyone else to find out about this place.”

“I’m afraid whatever knowledge Hux had has died with him on Ajan Kloss,” said Parnadee in a voice of doom.

“Except Hux isn’t dead!” said Rose exuberantly. “Gosh, I never thought I’d be so happy to say that!” She leaned in to the subspace comm. “Kaydel? Can you dig him out of his cell and find out what he knows?”

“On it,” said Kaydel, scrambling out of her seat.

“Before you go, Kaydel, find out what Beaumont Kin knows too,” said Leia urgently. “He’s our resident expert on all things Sith.”

“General Mitaka!” came Officer Kandia’s voice. “We’ve isolated the energy source. It’s coming from one of the outer pyramids.”

Finn glanced at Rose. “I’m going down there.”

“And I’m going with you,” said Rose firmly. “Mitaka, patch Kaydel through to us if she finds out what to do. Otherwise we’re just going to have to wing it.”

“Send on the coordinates to the Resistance, Officer Kandia,” said Mitaka, with an eye to Finn. “You’re not going down there on your own. General Engell, ready your troops and have landers ready to deploy on my command.”

“We’ll cover you,” said Poe.

“And we’ll send out our TIE-fighters to join you,” said Mitaka.

“Stop off here first. You’ll need Artoo,” said Leia. “If there’s a terminal, he can get working on hacking into the Final Order systems. We need to find some sort of schematics of the base. And whatever you do, try to keep it as subtle as possible.

“I don’t know why the Final Order hasn’t started attacking us yet, but let’s try to keep it like this for as long as we can. Move into position. Be ready for anything. All weapons primed and ready to engage.”

Deep in the darkness, Rey backed further away from Kylo Ren’s spitting red blade.

“What happened to you?” she repeated.

“I’ve told you. Nothing. You know who I am,” he replied. “You’ve always known. How did you think this was all going to end?”

“Not like this,” whispered Rey, thrust so suddenly into the nightmares she had lived through and forgotten so many times she was finding it hard to make sense of anything.

But they were all flooding back now as she looked at the face she loved illuminated in the fiery light of his lightsaber. Her grip tightened on her own weapon as she fought to control the tremors that ran down her arms. As she fought to stop the words that tore from her throat.

“You _promised_ me.”

“I made many promises,” said Kylo quietly. “To Luke. To Snoke. I didn’t keep any of them. You know this.”

Rey shook her head fiercely. “This was different. You know it was. You wanted to keep that promise. Just as much as I did.”

“Maybe you’re right,” acknowledged Kylo. “I think perhaps I did. But I don’t want that anymore.”

“Yes! Yes, you do!” cried Rey. “You _told_ me. I know you meant it. You still do.” She lowered her lightsaber. “Ben!”

A derisive smile thinned his lips. “Did that tearful little look work before? Using the name my parents gave me? Did it touch my soul?”

“Ben, please!” sobbed Rey. “I _know_ you. I know you don’t want to do this.”

“But yet you’re not really surprised, are you?” Kylo tilted his head. “There was a part of you that expected this. You just don’t want to admit it.” He saw her frown. “I’m right, aren’t I? Say it.”

“Stop!” shouted Rey, raising her saber again.

There was no flicker under Kylo’s eye. No disturbance in his veneer of composure. He regarded her in amusement, twirling his lightsaber from hand to hand.

“Are you going to fight me? Go ahead. You may be as powerful in the Force as I am, but you won’t win. You know you won’t. Look at me. I’m bigger than you. Stronger than you. More experienced than you.”

He smiled at the stricken look on her face, his voice softening.

“And I won’t hold back.”

He stepped forward, slamming his saber against hers, batting it down. Rey stumbled back, raising it again, settling her feet wider into the stony ground.

Kylo’s smile grew. “You won’t kill me. You don’t want to.”

“No, I don’t want to,” she said as steadily as she could. “We are a dyad in the Force. It’s our destiny to come here together and defeat Palpatine.”

“That I can do alone. And I will take his power for myself,” said Kylo. “That is the destiny of my family. Not yours. The Force had to find some sort of replacement for the last Skywalker when I fell under the control of Snoke. But I’m free of that now. And you… you are not needed anymore.”

He paced forward, slamming his blade down on hers again and spun around to add momentum to his next blow, but Rey had already side-stepped as Ben Solo had taught her.

“That’s not true,” she said, her voice stronger now. “You can’t do this to me anymore. I won’t believe it.”

“Ah, but you do,” said Kylo silkily and lunged again.

She skidded out of the way, smashing her blade down on his and knocking him off balance. He stumbled forward and then twisted into a crouch, spinning his hilt in the palm of his hand, staring at her.

“What are you fighting for, Rey from Nowhere? We have led the Resistance and the First Order into a trap. Even now they are surrounded by the Final Order.”

“No,” whispered Rey faintly.

“Yes,” said Kylo with satisfaction. “They can’t escape. Just like you. Soon they will all be dead. What will you fight for then, Rey?”

This time when he swung his saber at her, she was caught off guard and the force of his swing sent her staggering backwards. He saw her dash tears from her face with an urgent swipe of her arm.

“But that’s not what tears at your heart, is it, Rey from Nowhere? You don’t want to lose your friends, but there’s someone you don’t want to lose more. I know who you’re fighting for." His voice became almost sympathetic. "Poor lost Ben Solo. Maybe all is not lost. Tell me what you want.”

He straightened up, walking forward to peer at her.

“Tell me you love me, Rey from Nowhere,” he said. “And I’ll tell you every lie you long to hear.”

Rey shook her head blindly.

“Poor little scavenger,” he said softly. “You finally thought you belonged somewhere. To someone. You thought you were loved. Why would you think that? Even your own parents couldn’t love you.”

But Rey’s tormentor realised his words weren’t having the devastating effect he had expected. Rey didn’t seem to be listening. She had raised her saber higher, to stare at him under its brilliant blue-white light, but her tears had ceased to fall.

“Talk to me, Rey. What is it you -?” he started.

“Where is your bruise?” interrupted Rey.

“My bruise?” Kylo was momentarily disconcerted.

“On your head?” said Rey, more intently this time.

His eyes narrowed. “It was healed, here in this place.”

Rey reached up to prod the matching bruise on her own forehead, felt the dull answering sting under her fingertips.

“No,” she said. “No, it wasn’t.”

Kylo didn’t answer, diving towards her, his blade low. She swung it aside and skipped backwards.

“How did you get the bruise?” she demanded, more confident now. “You can’t answer me, can you?”

“Why should I?” said Kylo, circling her menacingly. “You won’t live to hear it.”

“Because you don’t have one,” said Rey, an exultant smile dawning on her face. “Just like I know you don’t carry a leaf in your pocket. My dreams make sense now. All of it does.”

Her lightsaber twirled in her grasp. “And now I don’t have to hold back either.”

Leia’s appeal for subtlety was harder to adhere to than Finn and Rose would have liked.

The surface of Exegol was eerily quiet, making them all too aware of the thudding, scraping noises of their running feet, almost drowned out by the heavier metallic clangs of armour and clomping tread of their stormtrooper escort. It was impossible to be completely silent, and after a while they abandoned all attempts at stealth as regards sound.

They still made some attempt to appear as inconspicuous as possible, sending out scouts with thermal imaging macrobinoculars to guide them in a winding line towards the dark stone pyramid housing the energy source. But as they entered underneath, the ground troops felt a lot more vulnerable, moving beyond the protection of the X-wings and TIE-fighters hovering above.

“I don’t get it,” whispered Rose, slapping on the light on her shoulder. “They know we’re here. It can’t be this easy.”

“It isn’t,” said Finn needlessly as they came to a sudden halt.

As the bobbing lights from their company revealed rows upon rows of silent red troopers stretching back into the darkness. Rows and rows of red stormtroopers that appeared to be coming to life under their stunned gaze, raising their weapons as one.

“There’s an army in here!” hissed Finn over his comlink. “Send in reinforcements.”

“Kriff!” crackled Poe’s voice. “Draw their fire and retreat. We’ll cover you.”

“Not all of you,” interposed Leia quickly. “We need those schematics. We can’t shut down the power without them. Finn and Rose, take a troop and find a terminal. And be careful.”

Finn and Rose scrambled off to the side as the first of the blaster fire rang out, shepherding a squealing Artoo before them.

“Come on, Artoo,” urged Rose, trying not to let panic seep into her voice as an answering plasma bolt whistled past, dangerously close to her ear. “Let’s go find that terminal.”

Meanwhile, far across the galaxy on Takodana, in a dark cell under Maz’s castle, another mission was under threat of failure. Kaydel was finding General Hux obstinately intractable and was on the verge of drawing her pistol on him when Beaumont Kin in the next cell came to her aid.

“I’ve read about this,” he said, coming forward to grip the bars of his door. “But I’m not sure if what I uncovered was myth or fact. I didn’t have access to any original texts.”

“Threepio does,” said Kaydel impatiently. “Anything you could tell us could lead us in the right direction. Spill.”

“From what I gathered, the Sith drew their power from a place beyond time or space. A world where -”

“We know this!” interrupted Kaydel. “Exegol. They’re there. But what _is_ this power source? How do we shut it down?”

Kin looked nonplussed for a moment. “I don’t know. Short of closing this portal by annihilating it, the only other option would be to destroy the Sith who holds this power.”

“So there’s nothing we can do? It really is all down to Rey and Ben Solo?” said Kaydel despairingly.

This brought Hux to his feet. “That’s not true,” he said witheringly. “At least not entirely. No matter what the power source is, it must be converted to fuel ships and weapons. You need to find the convertor and divert it using appropriate metals.”

“Metals?” said Kaydel suspiciously. “What metals?”

“Pure golds like Haysian smelt are good conductors of Force energy,” said Beaumont Kin. “And any other metal with the same properties.”

“I doubt the stormtroopers are accessorising with gold,” snapped Kaydel. “What other metals have the same properties?”

Beaumont Kin appeared to be at a loss but Hux’s smirk made her release her pistol from her holster. “Tell me!”

“You already supplied the answer,” said Hux. “The reinforced alloy under the plastoid shell of stormtrooper armour.”

“You’re kidding?” breathed Kaydel.

When Hux shot her a starchily incredulous look, he was further appalled to be enveloped in a quick, fervent hug. Kaydel released him almost immediately, breaking away to dash back up the steep steps.

She had soon disappeared from view, an excited “Thank you!” ringing out in her wake to rebound and echo off the stone walls.

For the first time since she had entered this dark, dead place, Rey felt really and truly alive. Unfettered and free.

Finally, the worst, most dreadful conclusion to all of this that she had tried so hard to hide deep in the darkest corners of her mind had been banished. At last she knew she would not have to carry out that one deed she couldn’t imagine doing.

She would not have to kill Ben Solo.

Because this man she faced was not Ben Solo. Those beloved features were not his. That big strong body was not the same body that had held her so close. That voice that taunted her was not the same voice she had heard reverberating under her cheek as she lay in his arms. None of Palpatine’s lies were true.

_He_ was the shadow, the half-creature he had told her Ben Solo was, reduced to hiding himself in another skin to gain substance.

And now that he did have substance Rey could defeat him.

She charged forward almost gleefully, relishing every clash of sabers, every grunt of exertion she heard from him as he fended off her attacks. She felt almost incandescent in her relief, rejoicing in the defensive tactics she had learned so recently.

There was a certain ironic appropriateness in the knowledge that Ben Solo had been the one to show her how to defend herself against him. He had shown her how to outwit him and best him. He had given her this gift to defeat Palpatine at his own game. The manipulator had finally become the manipulated.

Suddenly it didn’t matter that Ben wasn’t physically with her. He was with her in every way that mattered, protecting her as she leapt out of range of Palpatine’s blade, urging her to victory with every lunge she made. His moves were her moves, like they had been on the bed of white flowers by the lake on Takodana. Like hers were his.

And as she caught Kylo Ren wrongfooted and slung a foot behind his staggering leg, it was both of them who stood over the body that lay felled at her feet.

It was both of them crying out in savage triumph as her lightsaber came down in a long arched curve to shear through Kylo Ren’s chest.

And it was both of them who stumbled back panting, aghast at the wave of darkness that shot through her as she saw that body gasp torturously for air.

“Rey!” he whispered in a paroxysm of agony, his fingers clutching at the smoking wound in his chest.

Just as doubt clutched at Rey’s chest, fear and dread crawling over her as she inched closer.

“Rey, please,” he choked, and that dread broke loose, swamping her senses as his dark eyes gazed helplessly up at her.

Those dark eyes that she loved so dearly. Under her horrified eyes thin trickles of blood crept from the corners of those lips she knew felt so soft and tender against her own.

“Wait with me,” he whispered.

_No, no, no, no._

Rey’s gasp of horror caught in her throat as she fell to her knees. To raise the head that lolled heavily into the crook of her elbow. Felt his body quiver in her arms. As his eyes rose to meet hers, a weak smile struggling to lift the corners of his mouth.

“Rey! It’s me. I’m here,” he whispered.

“Ben?” she breathed.

And then made no sound at all as his lightsaber burst into life and buried itself deep in her aching heart.

“Leia!” cried Lando, darting forward to catch her as she stumbled forward.

“No!” whispered Leia in a small broken voice. Tears welled up in her eyes as Finn’s breathless voice crackled over the coms.

“We’ve cracked it!” A deprecatory burble sounded beside him. “Well, Artoo did. We’re going to find the source now.”

Leia bit back a sob. “Great news, Finn,” she said huskily and told him of Kaydel’s discovery on Takodana.

Lando watched her concernedly throughout as Chewbacca rubbed her shoulder with little mewls of distress. But it was only after she signed off from Finn that she allowed herself to give way to her grief.

“Ben?” asked Lando tentatively.

She shook her head blindly. “Rey.”

And succumbed to the warm embrace of Chewbacca, that loyal friend who was always there for her in the worst of times.

Ben ran and ran, mindless with desperation and disbelief.

Into nothingness after nothingness. Barely conscious of portal after portal opening to entice him to different places, different times where there was no Rey. The other half of his soul which had been so suddenly wrenched away, leaving him unbalanced, as if everything around him had become even more distorted and unreal than it had been before.

“Rey!” he shouted over and over into the echoing darkness.

Until at last he saw her. Lying still and silent on the barren rocky ground.

And now his steps faltered.

Because Ben Solo did not want to take those final steps. He did not want to see the vision that had haunted him become reality, because he didn’t know how he could bear it. Only the vaguest, tiniest hope that when he looked into her eyes, he would not find them dull and lifeless spurred him on. 

He crumpled to his knees, too afraid to look, too sure of what he would see.

_Say something_ , he begged her silently. _Anything. Say anything. Please don’t make me do this. Please don’t make me look._

But Rey didn’t speak. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t come to his rescue any more.

When he laid his head down beside hers on the hard stone floor, Ben couldn’t fool himself that her wide staring eyes gazed back into his. Those beautiful eyes that had melted Kylo Ren’s frozen heart. Ben took her icy hand in his, a sob burning and tearing at his chest. It was too awful, too monstrous to comprehend. Rey, so warm and vital and fierce, now a cold motionless effigy entombed in this dreadful shadowy mausoleum.

The grief Ben had felt in his vision was nothing in comparison to what he felt now. How could it be? This was real. This was happening. He had really lost her.

His sweetest, dearest, bravest Rey.

Ben shuffled forward to kiss the bruise on her forehead, anguish surging inside him as his lips touched that pink smudge. Rey had wanted to keep this bruise. She had wanted to remember that moment. That silly ridiculous moment when all they had to worry about was getting out of their clothes as fast as they could. Ben scooped her closer, wishing he could have taken that bruise away. Wishing he could have taken away the smallest, slightest discomfort she had ever felt.

And then his eyes shot open, his sobs ceasing so suddenly their raw echoes shuddered around them.

_He wished he could take away her wound._

And now he was scrambling up, dragging her onto his lap. His breath urgent as his trembling hand spread over Rey’s sweet generous broken heart. And then calming as it had when he stood waist-high in the lake on Takodana, his splintered Khyber crystal in the palm of his hand. In this place that drifted between life and death and time and space. Where nothing was definite or tangible or real.

Ben Solo had learned of the Living Force from his uncle Luke. He knew that it dwelled in every living thing. He knew when something living died, its Living Force returned to the Cosmic Force, restoring the balance. And he knew that an attempt to pull that Living Force back into the body it had departed would have consequences.

Ben Solo knew this wouldn’t be the same as healing his lightsaber on Takodana. Where all around him teemed with glorious abundant life. He knew that there was nothing here in this dead place. Nothing or nobody he could siphon energy from, to replace what had been taken away.

Nobody but him.

Ben Solo knew that if he succeeded, he would not be here to see the spark light in Rey’s lovely eyes. But it was right that he should give Rey everything he had. Rey, who had given him everything he could have ever wanted in those last few blissful days. Who had found Ben Solo shrouded in the darkness of Kylo Ren and brought him back to life.

Ben gazed down into the face he loved one last time before his own eyes closed, before his lips opened and he breathed in, breathed out.

“Be with me.”

Ben Solo had also learned of the Cosmic Force from his uncle. He knew of its symbiotic relationship with the Living Force. He understood that it was the aspect of the Force that possessed and communicated a will to achieve balance and tranquillity. It had created his grandfather for that very purpose. He knew the Cosmic Force was what facilitated the dyad that bonded him to Rey and Rey to him.

But he wasn’t thinking about that now. Ben Solo was too absorbed in the only purely unselfish act he had ever committed himself to.

“Be with me.”

But the Cosmic Force is always watching. And now it watched the last flickers of life leave the last seed of the line it had chosen so long before. It watched those flickers of life course through the body of the one it had chosen so recently.

Ben Solo’s understanding of the Cosmic Force was correct. It did seek balance and tranquillity. But the Cosmic Force had come to realise that the blood of the Skywalkers would never be enough. Nor would the blood of Rey from Jakku. What needed to happen required both.

So the Cosmic Force joined Ben Solo and reached out beyond him. Beyond this cold dead place where nothing grew.

To find the love in Leia’s heart as she felt the ebb and flow of the Force between her son and the girl he held in his arms.

To find the hope burning in the heart of Rose as she ran in the darkness, clutching her medallion of Haysian smelt.

It sought out the loyal brave heart of Finn beside her.

It found faithful devotion in the heart of Chewbacca.

It found daring courage in the hearts of Poe and Lando, and swept out further, wider.

To take just a little from everyone there. Everyone who had come together from across the galaxy to mend this wound in the Force.

Ben Solo was not alone as the last of his life passed from his body to Rey’s.

And so it happened that when Rey’s eyes opened, he was still there to feel her hand close over his. He was still there to see her eyes widen in surprise. He was still there to see joy spring up within them as she sat up to touch his face.

“Ben!” she whispered, and he stared at her, too shaken to say even one word.

There were no words for this happiness. Her heart beating steady and strong under his palm, her lovely face alive with delight.

He pulled her to him to be sure that she really was here. That he really was here. And sobbed as he felt her hug him back tightly, her cold little nose digging into his throat.

And Rey felt his strength inside her, felt the depth of his love running warm through her veins and knew what he had done.

Ben Solo had come back for her like he had promised, and she would never be alone again.

And when Rey lifted her head to kiss him, she felt the Force sing within them, lighting up the darkness surrounding them.

Pure and sweet and true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so there’s a lot of made-up science in this one! Indulge me, I just needed the Resistance and the First Order to have some purpose to be here rather than just dogfights and pew pew space battles, which there will be of course! Because although that looks awesome on screen, it is quite boring to read and write. And I wanted Finn and Rose to have an important mission separate from Rey and Ben’s. And I also wanted to give the droids more of a role than they’ve had recently. As well as drag Hux and Beaumont Kin back in to it! I know I made a comment somewhere that I didn't have time to redeem Hux in this fic, but this is a slightly redeeming moment, even if it was just because he was annoyed that Ben would be seen as the last hope!
> 
> And although I know it’s no great shocker that the Final Order have multitudes of star destroyers, I thought the reveal of them here on Exegol would be more dramatic in this story. 
> 
> So… Kudos to those who guessed it! Palpatine’s plan to derail and defeat Rey was to inhabit a clone of Kylo Ren, using the blood he asked the Knights of Ren to get at the start of the story. (The KOR versus Kylo training scene in Chapter 2. Contact.) But don’t breathe too easy yet, he’s a sneaky one!
> 
> I’m sorry for including the death scene for Rey in this story, but honestly, I found that whole scene so disturbing in the movie, I think I needed to write it out of my system. I found it cathartic in a good way to do it and change the narrative, so I hope it reads similarly to you as readers. I wish with all my heart that this was the way that scene had ended in TROS, and now it kind of does, in my head at least.  
> I know this chapter had a happy ending, but don’t get too comfortable, there’s still a lot more going to happen to our dyad before this Exegol part of the story is over. (Sorry!) The next one is a biggie, so I'll need a bit of time to edit it properly, but I hope to upload it before the weekend. 
> 
> Thank you so much for the Kudos and comments!! They are always appreciated sooo much!! 💖💖


	42. The Dyad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and Finn fight to execute their mission, while the Resistance and the First Order battle for survival. And the dyad are confronted with a final obstacle before they come face-to-face with Palpatine at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it! The culmination of the final battle! We’re here at last! I’m very, very nervous about this, and I really hope it doesn’t disappoint. 
> 
> I have to add some warnings here before you read. There will be a number of jump scares in this chapter, also accounts of violence, torture and the death of some minor characters as well as one major character. I also have to warn you, like Luke did in The Last Jedi, “This is not going to go the way you think.” (Unless you do guess it, of course, in which case, kudos to you!) But please just remember, no matter what happens here, happy ending, happy ending, happy ending!! 🤩

High above the surface of Exegol the cold dark sky lit up in a blaze of light.

Leia, still dazed by the events on the ground, thought at first that like her, the galaxy celebrated the survival of her son and Rey. But the urgent cries of Poe and a deluge of other voices over the comms quickly dispelled that fanciful notion.

There was nothing gleeful in the way Lando uttered the words; “They’re awake!”

And then as she looked out past him, she could see where that the blinding light came from. Great searing lightning strikes flashing upwards from the centre of a pyramid beneath, bringing the formerly dormant star destroyers surrounding them to life.

And now she could hear Mitaka issuing orders for his TIE-fighters to leave their sweep over the clone trooper army on the ground. To seek out and destroy the energy cells and reactors and shield generators of the newly awoken vessels.

“Rose! Finn!” she said. “You’ve got to try to hurry it up. We’re in trouble.”

She didn’t wait for a response, nodding to Lando.

“Come on,” she said between gritted teeth. “It’s time for us to show them how it’s done.”

Sadly, Ben and Rey’s ecstatic reunion was cut short all too soon. Not through any design of their own. Although they both knew there was no time to spend kissing and marvelling at their good fortune and finding out what had befallen the other in the time they had spent apart.

But it was so hard to move beyond the sheer joy of what had happened. It was impossible to not want to touch and stroke and hold that precious person they had each thought they had lost forever.

But alas, all the happiness in the galaxy could not stave off the forces of darkness that besieged them for much longer.

Ben, now that he had found his voice again, had reached a point where he didn’t even want to talk any more about the miraculous event that had brought them together again. It was enough just to be here, with Rey. And now the only word he cared to say was her name, interspersed with kisses, until he felt a familiar pull at his senses.

An unwelcome pull.

“The Knights of Ren!” he said, stiffening and glancing about him.

Rey’s smile faded as Ben’s arms loosened about her and gripped the hand he offered to rise beside him. Because now she could feel something too. And as six figures emerged out of the gloom around them, a flash of her first vision on Takodana rushed back to her.

“Look at this, boys,” said Vicrul, hefting his heavy scythe blade over his shoulder. “It’s our old friend and master, Kylo Ren.”

“That’s not my name,” said Ben, clutching Rey’s hand tightly as he drew out his lightsaber.

“Oh, that’s right. It’s Ben Solo now. With a girlfriend. Isn’t that a surprise? We pretty much assumed you were dead below the waist.”

Ben decided to ignore that. “We’re leaving. Move aside or die.”

“No,” said Vicrul. “You know that’s not what’s going to happen.”

The knights drew their weapons, circling Ben and Rey who moved closer together.

“Why?” said Ben. “What do you hope to achieve? You’ve already lost. Palpatine is dead. Rey killed him.”

“Has she? Where’s his body?” Ushar laughed hollowly behind his mask. “No. Darth Sidious cannot be defeated so easily here. That body was simply a vessel, nothing more.”

Ben tried not to let his dismay show on his face as he heard Rey’s breath catch in her throat.

“So aren’t you going to introduce us to your little girlfriend, _Solo_?” asked Ap’lek. “She’s quite a pretty thing. I think we’ll leave her till last. Or maybe she’d like to change her allegiance and join us? If all she’s had is you, the poor girl must be keen to seek out men with experience. Instead of a clumsy, fumbling overgrown boy.”

“Stop!” shouted Rey, wriggling her hand free of Ben’s to draw and ignite her lightsaber.

“She’s got spirit,” said Vicrul admiringly. “I like that.”

 _“He_ might change his mind about that very soon,” snarled Rey. 

“You couldn’t even touch me when I fought you on my own,” said Ben. “What chance do you think you have against the two of us?”

“We’re not training now, Ben Solo,” said Cardo. “And we are stronger in this place. We feed on the Shadow. Look around you. It’s everywhere.”

“No,” said Rey, folding both hands around the hilt of her weapon. “Not everywhere.”

Not far away, Rose and Finn led their platoon of stormtroopers racing after an excitedly bleeping Artoo Detoo, who moved surprisingly fast over the uneven surface.

Although they had reached a point where following the little droid had become practically redundant. They could see where they were supposed to go now. To an immense flaring column of red light, bathing its stark surroundings in a dull bloody glow. Ripples of white lightning crackled intermittently over the surface, blinding them as they drew closer.

“It’s huge!” panted Finn, shielding his eyes to look up, to see it towering high above, through the rocky ceiling and out into the night sky. “How are we supposed to turn that off?”

“We don’t have to,” Rose reminded him. “We have to divert it. Rey and Ben will close it when they kill Palpatine.”

“Right,” nodded Finn. “Artoo? Where’s this convertor?”

Artoo wailed, high and frightened, as his processor status indicator flashed red. They followed the direction of his round radar eye to see red figures emerge from behind high decks of machinery to the left.

“Oh, come _on!”_ groaned Finn, reaching for his pistol.

It was perhaps just as well for what was left of Finn’s peace of mind that he couldn’t see what was happening overhead.

The Resistance, heavily outnumbered, had opted to take advantage of the smaller scale of their vessels and were now dodging and skirting the Final Order ships. Haranguing their more crucial operating systems with brief spurts of fire. With limited success, but with less casualties than their allies.

The First Order was not faring so well. The sheer size of their destroyers made them an easier target, and Poe, along with fighter crafts from both armies, were fully engaged in drawing off enemy fire. Diving and weaving to allow more landers set down on the surface to fight off the ever-increasing waves of red clone troopers.

“Come _on_ , Finn!” urged Poe under his breath as he nipped dangerously close to the scorching primary drive engines of a low-lying Final Order star destroyer.

A screech from a singed BB-8 alerted him to fresh danger. He swerved around to stare down the nose of another destroyer.

Even as he punched the deflector shields, Poe knew he was too late. And as a green glow intensified before the plasma flame burst forth he closed his eyes. There would be no hero’s welcome for the best pilot in the Resistance this time.

After a few moments had passed, Poe opened a tentative eye.

To see a vast elongated piece of machinery ahead of him instead of the fireball he had expected.

“I got your back, Poe,” shouted an excited voice and now there _was_ a fireball, erupting either side of the machinery where the star destroyer had been. Poe glanced at his tracking computer and then pulled back his accelerometer to face upwards.

The ship in front of him was huge, monumentally tall and upright, with a wider top that looked vaguely familiar.

“Is that...?” He stretched forward to peer out. “Kaz? Is that you? What _is_ that? The Colossus?”

“Sure is!” chirped Kazuda Xiono, a plucky if slightly inept Resistance spy Poe had all but forgotten. “We’ve got a hyperdrive and turbolasers and everything!”

“Well, how about that?” laughed Poe. “Thanks, buddy. Though we should probably save the catching up for later. The Final Order aren’t gonna defeat themselves.”

On the Tantive IV, Leia tried not to be too distracted by Kaydel on the comms telling her what pilots and ships she had lost communications with.

There was no time to mourn, even for such old friends as Snap Wexley or Commander Gartfran. She had to stay alert, to keep her mind calm so she could reach out with the Force to protect her oldest and dearest friends.

And Lando and Chewbacca were living up to their promise to show the young dogs a thing or two. The old blockade runner might creak in protest at an unexpected sudden move, but it was quick and agile and responded enthusiastically to Chewbacca’s touch.

“Whoa!” yelled Lando from the turret, as his aim hit home. “Still got it!”

Chewie roared in agreement, steering them clear of the ensuing explosion. Leia switched on a smile in response, her lips stretched tight against her teeth. She knew, just as they did, they were only staving off the inevitable.

None of this mattered if Ben and Rey didn’t get to Palpatine. All they were really doing was trying their best to stay alive until then.

And under the huge central pyramid, Ben and Rey were doing their best to achieve that goal.

It wasn’t as easy as Ben had confidently predicted. The darkness seething below the cracked surface of cold hard stone fuelled the darkness inside the Knights of Ren, charging their attacks with more strength and dexterity than he had ever witnessed before.

But the Knights of Ren hadn’t reckoned on the effect relief and happiness could have on the dyad they faced either.

Rey, suffused with energy from Ben, was alive with it. And Ben, strengthened by the might of the combined forces overhead, felt invincible. They knew now they could do this. The Force was on their side, running through them, steering them out of the path of dangerous thrusts, guiding their lightsabers to strike with unerring accuracy.

All of Palpatine’s attempts to confuse and disrupt their destiny had been in vain. All of those portentous dreams that had warned them of an unhappy future had already come true, and they had triumphed over them. They were still together and were now immeasurably stronger and more powerful as a result.

But this time Rey didn’t feel that exultant rage she had felt while fighting the clone of Ben Solo. There was a calm now, a sense of purpose that drove her. She felt no pleasure as her lightsaber deflected a plasma bolt from Cardo’s arm cannon back into his own chest, felling him where he stood. Just as she knew that when Ben’s golden blade sliced through Vicrul’s animal hide armour, it was not driven by revenge. This was something they had to do, not wanted to do.

They linked arms so Rey could fling herself over Ben to shatter an advancing Trudgen’s helmet before his vibrocleaver could carve through Ben’s back. She felt him lunge forward beneath her to knock Ap’lek’s axe aside and vaulted over him to follow it up with a slicing swipe to his neck. And turned to see Ben slamming Ushar’s war club down, splintering it on the hard ground.

And now as Ben twisted around to deliver a killing blow to Ushar, she levelled her lightsaber against a volley of quick-fire rounds from Kuruk’s rifle. Falling to the ground to draw his fire as Ben raced forward to plunge his saber through him.

Ben reached down to haul Rey to her feet and they stood back, their panting breath blooming out in cool clouds of mist as the air around them grew colder. The Force linking them spreading out wider, until they could hear the booming thunder of the battle raging overhead.

Rey stared at Ben, her relief dissipating into fear for her friends. And Ben stared back at her, suddenly struck with fear of what was to come.

A wavering smile lifted Rey’s lips and Ben nodded, a brief smile of his own answering her.

They both knew where they had to go.

This was it. This was why they had come here.

And they breathed in, breathed out. Breathed each other in, breathed out that fear. A resolution to end this once and for all flooding through them, solidifying within them.

And their hands found each other’s as they stepped forward into the heart of the darkness.

Finn ducked behind the bank of machinery to see Rose detach her shoulder light and train it on the console in front of her.

“Anything?” he hissed as another bolt screamed past him.

Artoo Detoo shuffled from side to side, uttering little anxious squeals of fright. Finn edged out again, firing his blaster into the mass of red armour that surrounded them.

“Not sure,” said Rose, a frown on her face as her eyes pored over ancient symbols she couldn’t decipher. “We should have brought Threepio. I need more time to figure this out.”

“Not sure how much of that we have,” grunted Finn. “The stormtroopers have pushed them back as far as they can, but I don’t know how many more of them are coming.”

“I can’t just _guess_!” said Rose in agitation. “Everyone’s depending on us.”

Finn nodded although she couldn’t see that, hunched as she was over unfamiliar arrays of buttons and levers. He slid closer to place his hand over hers.

“You’re a genius, Rose. You’ll get it right. I know you will.”

A tense smile that was more like a grimace hovered over her lips.

“I hope so. Wait!” Her eyes narrowed, her other hand tracing over illuminated lines on a panel above the one she had been scouring. “I know this. At least I’m pretty sure I do.”

She looked around, to a deck of computer equipment to her left and then craned around Finn to see a similar one to her right. He could hear her muttering to herself about circuits before she glanced up at him, a resolute look on her face.

“We’re gonna have to split up.” She reached in under the open collar of Finn’s shirt and snapped his medallion off the chain.

“You take this,” she said, pressing it into his palm. “I’ll be on the comms. Don’t worry, I can guide you through exactly what to do.”

They were silent for a moment, hearing the barrage of fire around them, seeing plasma bolts flit past and spark off the deck they were crouched behind. Finn looked down into that dear little face to see fear lurking underneath the courage that dwelled there and wondered if she could see the same expression on his own.

“We can do this,” he whispered steadily. “Remember what you said to me on Crait? About how we’re going to win? It’s not about fighting what we hate, it’s saving what we love. It can’t be a coincidence that you have a medallion made of Haysian Smelt and I have one made from stormtrooper armour. Rey was right. This was all meant to happen. It _will_ work.”

And now a real smile lifted Rose’s lips as she looked into Finn’s earnest brown eyes and she leaned in to kiss him fervently and long.

“Buckle up Artoo,” she said to the little droid, patting him reassuringly. “Let’s do this.”

And with one last heartening smile, they finally parted ways.

Deep in the dark shadows of the pyramid, Ben and Rey descended on a platform, lowered by gigantic clanking chains.

The combined light of their lightsabers showed them vast towering statues of what they could only imagine were Sith Lords of the past, but beyond them only a filmy, insubstantial cloak of everchanging iridescent colour. Not bright vivid colour, but dark blues and purples and greens, reminding Rey of the mercurial, shifting appearance of engine oil pooled over water. It looked insubstantial, but they soon found it impassable, impervious even to the thrust of their blades. Every time they passed through it, they found themselves once again back in the centre of the space bordered by the statues surrounding it.

They had just exchanged a helpless glance before a voice rang out, echoing around them and driving them closer together.

“Ben Solo, the last of the Skywalkers. And Rey of Jakku. Finally, you have arrived. Welcome.”

“Where are you?” shouted Rey, her fingernails digging into the back of Ben’s hand. “Show yourself.”

“All in good time. Patience, young Jedi,” said Palpatine in amusement.

“No,” said Rey. “We’re here to end this, not play any more of your games.”

“Ah, but you are. Isn’t that what power is? Playing the ultimate game to win dominion over all.”

“That’s not what we want,” said Ben. “We’re here to bring freedom to the galaxy, not rule over it.”

“Foolish boy,” said Palpatine indulgently. “You truly have lost your way. And that is why you cannot win. The galaxy needs to be led by strength and power. Do you not want to know how I plan to do this?”

“Not particularly,” said Ben, sounding even to his own ears, sulky rather than defiant. But he had endured enough pontifications from Snoke and Palpatine combined over the years to tolerate much more.

Palpatine continued, undeterred. “There was once a Sith Lord, Darth Plaguies the Wise, who sought out the secrets to a life eternal, beyond the realm of human existence -”

“We know all this,” said Ben impatiently. “He was your master. He claimed that he had discovered how to manipulate the Force to create life. You killed him. Stop hiding. Reveal yourself!”

The voice cackled. “You _do_ remind me of your grandfather. Such arrogance for one so tender in years. You don’t know everything, young Skywalker.”

“It’s Solo,” retorted Ben and felt Rey’s hand clutch his tighter.

“Tell me, young _Solo_ ,” said Palpatine. “Have you heard tell of the Living Sphere of Bardotta?” He continued without waiting for a response. “It could conduct the Life Force of any living creature into another, restoring that other and strengthening it. I’m sorry to say that this did not end well for the giver, as cut off from the Force, it withered and died.”

“I _have_ heard of it. From Snoke,” said Ben. “And I know it didn’t end well for the Sphere either. It was destroyed.”

“It was,” agreed Palpatine. “But Darth Plaguies knew of another such artifact. Much, much more powerful. It is here, on Exegol, hidden from the galaxy in this Netherworld of Unbeing. He hid it from me, but I knew how to find it. He was a fool to disclose his secrets to me, just as I should never have placed my trust in Snoke.

“I knew releasing the holocron would direct me straight to it. After Snoke failed me I needed the two of you for that. He knew it would destroy him. Only together could you do this and survive intact.”

Rey smiled, fortified by the warmth of Ben’s hand enveloping hers in this chilly empty place.

“And that’s why we will defeat you. You are alone. We are a dyad in the Force. Two that are one. You’re hiding because you’re afraid. You know your destiny, just as we know ours. You can’t prevent it however hard you try.”

“I do not fear the dyad,” spat Palpatine. “You know Darth Plaguies once attempted to form a dyad with me? But I have learned from the history of the Sith as I have from my own mistakes. Trusting in another leads to weakness, a hesitation in one’s own decisions. Tied to another’s frailties. With Snoke’s death you have freed me of that burden. Now I alone, shall rule absolute.”

“No, you won’t.” Rey glanced at Ben and received a grim little smile from him in return. “We will find this Living Sphere and destroy it.”

Palpatine’s answering laugh was contemptuous. “You may try. It cannot be destroyed so easily, not while it dwells here, in a place where neither time nor space has any meaning. The Orb of Exegol is cloaked from physical interference. Even now, it consumes the spirits of those who have fallen this very night. To join the others in their eternal captivity.”

He laughed as Rey and Ben shot concerned glances at each other.

“Yes,” he crooned. “You have already met some of those who linger here. You see the remarkable thing about the Orb is that it thrives on sacrifice. It harvests not merely the Living Force, but the essence of all those brave souls who have been slain by the Dark Side. Draining them of their energy so they cannot move on to the other side.”

His voice lowered, slowed, as if he savoured every word he spoke.

“And now you have brought me thousands of souls to be imprisoned here, to feed off for countless generations. Thank you.”

“Finn?” came Rose’s voice over the comms as he skidded behind the huge black console.

Finn’s heart thudded in relief as he looked over to give her the thumbs up. She was safe! He was safe. The first part of their mission was complete at least.

“Okay,” said Rose. “So, I’m looking at this and I see a slot here. Fourth red light on the second row. It should be the same for you. Is it?”

Finn’s eyes feverishly scanned the panels before him. “Yes. Same here. What now? Do we insert the medallions into the slots?”

“I’m pretty sure we do,” said Rose. “Just move away as soon as we do it. I’m not sure what’s gonna happen after that.”

“Wait. Pretty sure or sure?”

“Sure as I’ll ever be,” said Rose staunchly, fighting back any indecision that gnawed at her.

“Good enough for me.” Finn bit down on his lower lip, his hand with the medallion hovering over the slot. “On three?”

He looked over to see Rose nod tensely at him. As they counted down they kept their eyes fixed on each other and Finn wondered if Rose would be the last thing he would ever see. Before they jammed their medallions into the slots as one and sprang away.

Just in time, as troops of red armoured stormtroopers flooded in from behind. Finn landed on his back, struggling to free his pistol from his holster, looking over desperately to see Rose being dragged to her feet as Artoo Detoo rushed forward with a frantic screech, his electric prod sparking.

“Rose!” he yelled out in panic just as the first clone trooper fell.

“What’s happening?” said Lando, with a quick glance to his Wookiee co-pilot as he joined Leia and Chewie in the cockpit. “It’s gone quiet out there.”

Chewbacca roared, waving his arms in confusion as Leia squeezed past him to peer out of the viewport. To see the lights in the Final Order star destroyers dim and die, suddenly motionless all around them.

“They’ve done it!” she gasped. “Rose and Finn! They’ve done it! They’ve bypassed the energy source!”

The comms crackled with the static of so many voices rising in jubilation at the same time. Leia sank back down into her seat, exhausted from the release of so much strain all at once. Lando and Chewie curtailed their own celebrations at the sight. This wasn’t over.

Chewie lumbered out past Lando to place a hand on Leia’s shoulder and she smiled up at him bravely.

He tilted his head, uttering a murmured phrase and she sat up.

“Oh, Chewie! Would you?”

And as he shrugged his shoulders and lifted his head in an eager roar she nodded and smiled, wider now.

“Thank you, old friend.”

Rey and Ben started as the multi-hued veil around them sputtered and hissed, glitching spasmodically until it faded into nothingness. Until ahead of them they could see a vast spiked throne rising before them in a great cavernous space.

Rey felt gusts of cold creeping up her arms, shrouding her body in chill air, like breath from some giant creature. But the only creature she could make out was the one seated on the throne, a pale spidery figure in a black robe, claw-like hands clenched on the arms. Rey was conscious of a spark of surprise amidst the sudden rush of fright to behold Palpatine for the first time.

She wasn’t quite sure what she had expected. But it wasn’t this. This feeble pathetic looking creature that barely even appeared alive. As if all that kept him thriving was that steady insidious undercurrent of malevolence that permeated this colossal chamber.

“You didn’t do this,” she heard Ben say, and she knew he was right before the withered man seated high above acknowledged it.

“No,” said Palpatine. “I did not. But it is of no moment. The armies gathered here are but pawns in our game. It is what happens here that decides all.”

“Yes, it is. And now you can’t hide from us any longer,” said Rey, hearing the echo of her voice, small and frail in this massive space.

“I don’t want to hide. I have always wanted you here,” said Palpatine.

“That is a lie,” said Rey tenaciously. “You fear us. That’s why you tried to turn me against Ben. That’s why you killed me. But I’m still here. Because of Ben. Because of the connection we share.”

“Your connection,” said Palpatine in gleeful satisfaction. “Ah yes! Young love. You should thank me, you know. It was I who brought you together.”

“No!” said Ben, echoes of Snoke’s false claim that he had fostered their connection flitting through his mind. This time he was not going to believe those lies. Even if his grandfather hadn’t told him the truth about the dyad, he still wouldn’t believe it. “We know that’s not true.”

“Are you so sure of that?” said Palpatine. “The dagger. The holocron. These brought you together. The attack on Jakku -”

“More lies!” scoffed Rey, feeling braver every time she heard a contradiction to everything she had known before. “You told me you wanted Ben to die on Jakku.”

“But _you_ didn’t want that, did you, Rey?” said Palpatine softly. “No. You protected him, just as he protected you. Why do you think I sent such a meagre troop to find you? I knew you would defeat them.”

He sat back, a smile wreathing over his lips as he stared down at them.

“Tell me, what happened after that? After that sudden surge of violence, sending the blood coursing hot through your veins? Let me guess… two lonely young people, already bound together by the Force, forced to defend each other, breaking through all of those last fragile defences they so desperately tried to hold on to… Ah, I don’t have to guess, do I? I can see it. Written all over your faces.”

Ben drew strength from Rey’s hand gripping his, even if he felt a wave of angry disgust roiling inside him.

“It makes no difference how it began,” he said. “You had no hand in how we felt about each other then. Or now. What we have is ours, and ours alone.”

Palpatine chuckled. “So _hasty,_ young Solo! You misunderstand me. I have no doubt of the purity of your connection. I can _feel_ it. It will be your undoing.”

“No!” said Rey, louder now. “You underestimate us, just like Snoke did. We are stronger together. You can’t defeat us.”

“Therein lies your mistake, young Rey. You are blinded by your compassion. By your connection. While you have that you must always know fear. Fear of separation. Fear of loss. Why do you think I took so long to bring you here? I had to wait. For this connection to become greater than anyone could have anticipated. For you to become completely dependent on each other.”

“That was _your_ mistake,” said Rey. “And you’re still lying. You wanted me dead. You sent the Knights after us. You wanted us both dead." 

“The Knights of Ren were never a threat to you. And your death, that was a risk I was prepared to take. To play the ultimate game, one must be prepared to take the necessary risks. I told you I have learned from the mistakes I made in the past. I have learned the power of love and compassion. I knew Ben Solo could not let this other half of his soul die. This dyad, so strong, so true.”

Palpatine smiled. “You must know, I prepared for every eventuality. There was never a way you could win. If Ben Solo had not been prepared to sacrifice his life for yours, the Living Force of the last Skywalker would have been enough to sustain me. If Ben Solo had died giving his life for yours, I would have fed just as easily off your Living Force, Rey of Jakku. The last, most remote possibility was the survival of you both. And this… this was the outcome I wanted most.”

“I don’t believe you,” said Ben. _“We_ don’t believe you.” He stood up straighter. "You called me a Skywalker before. I _am_ the last of the Skywalker bloodline. The same bloodline that has defeated you at every turn. My uncle, my grandfather. Even now, my mother once more leads the battle against your attempts to control the galaxy. We will defeat you again. And this time for good. Because this time we are not alone. We have Rey."

Rey smiled up at him as he looked down into her eyes. A bright smile that warmed his heart just as her hand warmed his.

“Defiant words, young Solo," said Palpatine. "But I do not fear the Skywalkers. I do not fear the dyad. Have you not realised the truth yet? Don’t you see? I have always wanted this. I wanted you to meet. I wanted you to form this connection. This _dyad_ in the Force. Darth Plaguies was right. It _is_ powerful. More powerful now than ever it was. You are connected by the Force, by love, and now, by sacrifice.”

Palpatine raised his hands, his eyes closing in a hideous shudder of ecstasy.

“All of these souls that have fallen, they are weak. They could not sustain me for ever. But the essence of this dyad – it will flow through me, restoring me to my full strength and beyond it. I shall be able to leave this place and build a new age, an eternal reign. I shall be more powerful than any that have come before.”

Palpatine crouched forward, his tone almost kindly.

“But it doesn’t have to end this way. Not for you. What if there was a way we all could win? What if I were to tell you I would allow both of you to live? Exist in this place together? Here, where no time can pass. You could be together forever. Isn’t that what you both desire above all else?”

Rey felt Ben’s hand tighten around hers and was suddenly reminded of the Jedi temple on Takodana. Surrounded by friends and family and white blossoms and sunshine. And Anakin Skywalker’s words as they stood hand in hand.

_“The Darkness will attempt to lure you with easy solutions to hidden fears. With false promises. Do not succumb to the temptation to alter what you cannot know yet.”_

Generosity was not the emotion that inspired this offer from Palpatine. It was fear.

And it was only then Rey realised how far she had come. She was not that girl from Jakku anymore. That girl whose only wish was to stay trapped in the past, to hang on to a hope that could never come true. She had left that girl behind in the sand.

Rey had found her home. It was standing right beside her, holding her hand.

And her home was powerful. Just like she was. The last hope of the galaxy. Destined to mend this tear in the Force, once and for all. For everyone. For all of those people who had welcomed her into their hearts and placed their faith in her. And countless, countless others who might never even know her name.

Rey Solo.

Rey looked up at Ben by her side and remembered him in sunlight, standing in the lake with his golden crystal bright in his hand. She remembered his smile and her laugh as she splashed forward to be swung up into his arms.

Even if the future of the galaxy wasn’t at stake, that was the life she wanted, not some eternal half-life in this cold barren place.

“You won’t play on our fears,” she said, and was pleased to hear her words ring out with confidence. “We know what we have to do.”

And Ben knew the only choice he could make too. Not just for him. Or Rey. But for his family who had welcomed him home with open arms. Who had sacrificed so much to do so. For the First Order, and every individual in every system who had responded to his plea, fighting at this very moment to heal the wounds inflicted by the Sith.

All of them, believing that he could be trusted to do what was right. At last.

He wasn’t the monster anymore. He was Ben Solo.

And Ben looked down at Rey, the one person who had shown him how to find his way home.

The one person in the entire galaxy who had no reason to show him kindness. But yet had been the one person to show him compassion and love when he deserved neither.

As her fingers curled around his, he could almost feel the warmth of her breath on his neck as she lay in his arms, those fingers trace over his beating heart, the soft weight of her thigh warm and smooth over his. Safe and happy and together. Exactly like it should always have been. Exactly like it could be.

He knew what he wanted. He knew the only way this had to end. He had made a promise to Rey and he was going to keep it.

Ben smiled at Rey as she smiled back breathlessly at him, both shot through with excitement for what was to come.

And as they turned to face Palpatine, those smiles froze on their faces, as a burst of lightning seared towards them.

Fracturing into rivulets of sheer energy, blinding them to everything. As they felt the impact scorch through muscle and bone, lifting them weightlessly from the ground, locking their fingers painfully together in a ghastly cruel perversion of their union.

“Mine!” screamed Palpatine, rising from his throne, arms spread to absorb the surges of power flowing from the shuddering bodies of Rey and Ben.

If their blind eyes could see, they would have seen his robe fall open to reveal a purple stone glow bright in the hollow of his emaciated skeletal chest where his heart should be.

But all they could see was darkness, all they could feel was pain as their Living Force drained from them, racking their rigid bodies as they hung before him.

Finn and Rose, leading their troops back out past the fallen clone troopers, were suddenly aware of a fierce sweep of cold spreading out under their feet.

And above, the celebrations on the Resistance and First Order ships fell silent as communications stuttered and lights flickered, dread flooding through every living thing on board. 

“Such power!” gloated Palpatine, feeling waves of the purest energy permeate his shrivelled skin, his brittle shrunken bones, his wasted muscles, charging them with strength and new life. So much strength that it lifted him from his throne, seeping out of every orifice and pore in his body.

But not quickly enough.

A body as old and decayed as Palpatine’s, sustained only by the weakened energy of the dead for so long, is an unworthy vessel for so much power. Not even the Orb of Exegol embedded in his chest could soak up so much radiant light. That potent light of two beings who had transcended far beyond what the Force had intended.

Two bright stars.

A true dyad bonded together through eternity.

Palpatine’s greed for absolute power had made him strong. It had made him cunning and resilient, a formidable, indomitable force in the galaxy for generations. But Palpatine’s greed had always exceeded his capacity to curb his ambition wisely. And this greed for power was perhaps always destined to be the rot that would set deep into the roots of his ultimate undoing.

Perhaps to understand what happened next, it would be helpful to take an example from nature. A natural phenomenon that is fittingly apt, considering the source.

We know that storms begin as an accumulation of energy amassed in the atmosphere. It ignites in a gigantic spark, between the clouds above and the ground below. When this intensifies, the air cannot contain two such opposing forces of positive and negative and this tension is discharged in its purest form. Lightning. This lightning, hotter than any sun, causing the air around it to expand and explode into what we hear as thunder.

But even the most powerful storms don’t last forever. The opposing forces of warmth and cold that have brought this phenomenon about in the first place condense into rain, cooling the heat and bringing the air into balance again.

Imagine that lightning as the Force energy siphoned from Ben and Rey.

And now imagine that it is unchecked, growing more powerful with each passing moment.

With no thunder, no rain to alleviate it. 

And so it is with Dark and Light.

Over the past year, Ben and Rey had been forced to confront the Dark and Light battling within their own hearts for dominance. They had confronted this conflict in each other. And they had learned to accept it and temper it with love and compassion.

It was not so with Palpatine. For it had been such a very long time since Palpatine had accepted Light into his heart. That heart that had long since corroded, to be replaced by an inanimate stone. A powerful stone, but not one capable of leavening the struggle between Light and Dark that tore at its shell and ravaged the frail body that housed it.

There was no gentle rain to save it, no soothing salve of love to revive it.

And Palpatine realised that all too late before his hold on the reality around him weakened and loosened.

Before the portal to the infinite worlds surrounding them wrenched open behind the dyad.

Before the splintering stone in his chest burst into an incandescent ball of white flame.

Until the echoes of his tortured screams were the last sounds to remain as lingering evidence of his presence.

But that last account tells only of Palpatine’s demise.

An unanticipated, unprecedented cataclysmic eruption of the Force such as this, has unexpected consequences for all.

As Palpatine writhed in his last agonies, the Force charged erratically between the vessel and those who supplied it with such potent energy, igniting the worlds around them. The portal restraining the lost souls flew open, pulling at the energy that bound it, dragging the helpless bodies of Rey and Ben inexorably closer.

And then that explosion of the Force that destroyed Palpatine blasted them apart, unlocking the hands that tied them together.

And as the power of the dyad surged back into its homes they were cast adrift.

Ben to be flung against the hard stone wall of the chamber, and Rey to be thrown inside the shuddering maw of the portal.

As Ben’s sight was restored for one brief moment before consciousness left him, he saw her.

In that one brief moment when their eyes met, and their souls screamed out for the other.

Before the portal was sealed and the walls around him shattered, collapsing inwards in great groaning rumbles of cold broken stone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I’m sorry! I’m so, so sorry, I really am!! This is the one chapter I was really dreading uploading here from the very start! But I promise, promise, promise I have my reasons for ending this chapter this way! Really good reasons that will help fix EVERYTHING in the galaxy. I know this might have blindsided anyone who suspected/feared from the previous visions/dreams that this might result in Ben being pulled into the World between Worlds or dying in some way. Those dreams are still valid, they will just make sense in a different way.
> 
> And I also have a number of reasons why I wanted it to be Rey to enter the World between Worlds. First and foremost, I’m very aware that a LOT of this story has dealt with the redemption of Ben Solo and his personal journey, and I wanted to give Rey a pivotal role to play and some agency outside her relationship with Ben. There is also a physical/spiritual reason why it has to be Rey, not Ben, which will be explained. And also because it will tie in with that running theme of Home, which I haven’t been terribly subtle about! And Ben will have plenty of things to do too, so don’t worry, there will be lots of Ben in the next couple of chapters.
> 
> I will answer questions in the comments, particularly if there’s confusion about what just happened, but I won’t be giving anything away about the next few chapters because I don’t want to spoil the surprises. There really will be some good ones in there amongst the pain, I promise! But in case anyone is still worried, the major character death I referred to in the opening notes was Palpatine's.
> 
> So chin up people! There will be sad moments immediately ahead, but also hopeful ones, funny ones and even fulfilling ones (I hope!) interspersed in with them, until we get our ridiculously happy ending!! But if anyone can’t face reading these interim chapters until they are absolutely assured of a happy outcome for a very much alive Ben and Rey, you can skip the next two updates and then catch up all at once when Chapter 45 drops. I will understand perfectly! 
> 
> I liked the idea of Finn and Rose’s medallions having a crucial part to play in this, to help Rey and Ben get to Palpatine. And that Finn would reassure Rose by echoing her own words from TLJ. I also couldn’t resist bringing in Kaz and the Colossus from Resistance to save the day for Poe! 
> 
> The Bardottan Sphere is from Clone Wars Season 6, episodes 8 and 9. I found it when I was researching some sort of Force vessel/tool Palpatine could use, so I kind of recycled this concept!
> 
> And finally, yes. If the description of the energy source seemed suspiciously like it would resemble a gigantic phallus, you don’t have a filthy mind. That filthy mind is all mine. It was intended to symbolise the gigantic phallus that was Palpatine! 
> 
> Thank you so much for the Kudos and comments! I am always so touched when I get them!! And please forgive me! All will be mended in time!💖💖


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